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Defeat Lust & Pornography 4 minute read

How Do I Kick a Masturbation Addiction? (For Women)

Last Updated: January 23, 2023

It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.

But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.

3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction

Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.

Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.

Masturbation addiction does not honor God.

No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”

Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.

Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.

That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.

3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating

So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.

Think on truth.

More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.

Know your weaknesses.

Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.

For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger.  Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.

The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.

Do not make it easy.

Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.

I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)

Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

  1. elle

    I feel sorry for all of you who read this article and actually feel guilt for a practice that does not hurt anyone else. I understand why you would want to refrain from masturbation in a marriage because it fires up your sex life, but especially to advise a single girl against the practice is beyond me. This is why so many women get married and cannot have orgasms with their husband. It is because they don’t know their own bodies. If you ignore the natural feelings in your clitoris and constantly shove down any desire with guilt and repression your body will no longer be your own. You would recognize good feelings, and you may never orgasm with ease during sex with your husband. You are truly missing out. I don’t think it is an addiction at all. God gifted you with a glorious clitoris which ONLY serves the function of providing sexual pleasure. Why would it even be activated on a woman’s body if it wasn’t meant to be enjoyed? Why wouldn’t the clitoris instead be deep within the vagina so it could only be stimulated through Christian-sanctioned intercourse? How can it possibly be healthy to shame yourself of a natural healthy urge that does harm to no one? Masturbation can be very fulfilling contrary to what this article states and has many health benefits including increased blood flow and circulation, stress relief, and pain relief. I’m sorry to hear such restricted close minded views here. I hope this comment doesn’t get deleted just because it’s contrary to the article’s intent. I respect your faith, I just think it’s awful to take a woman’s sexuality away from her because you think it’s dirty. God bless.

    • michelle

      We are all free to believe what we believe but I have to disagree with you on the fact that masturbation does’nt hurt anyone else. I have dealt with an overactive clitoris since I was 4 years old I would try all kinds of things to get relief. Medically I have a high testosterone count which I think might have something to do with it since at four I was not introduced to anything but the leaves in the backyard. I have lived my life feeling ashamed, inferior and as I got older would have sex with anything that moved just about. It all started with masturbation. I am 52 now I tell myself no more and then boom I am right there doing it again. It just happened that is why I came here I heard Dr. Weiss testimony on daystar and I need help. I dont want to do this anymore. I know the Lord forgives me but if while I am in the process of pleasing myself and I am thinking of perverse things how long will He put up with this behavior? I want to be free once and for all, I know also spirits are attached to this action I dont know exactly who they are by name but i want them to leave me alone IN JESUS NAME! thank you

    • Leah

      @michelle. I think imcubus and succubus. Try fasting and prayer. Maybe a Daniel fast.

    • Rocky

      Thanks for saying this, and thanks to CE for not deleting it. You are 100% correct. While a woman could conceivably wait until she’s married to learn how to orgasm, it isn’t likely to happen during intercourse.. Statistics state that 70% of women cannot orgasm that way, so some sort of digital, oral or toy stimulation is necessary, whether by her or her spouse. Logic dictates that she would be more relaxed learning by herself first, then applying what she has learned when with her husband. There is no logic though in denying single women this natural tonic.

    • I’m not sure “logic” dictates anything here. The real issue at hand is what mental associations are attached to the act of masturbation. How we train ourselves mentally during masturbation has great ramifications for our future sex lives.

    • Ted

      Elle – you are totally missing the point of the article. It’s about addiction. I personally have been sexually addicted for decades. I’ve been married 15 years and still struggle with this. I have no trouble having orgasm if my wife and I have sex but generally I don’t want to wait until my wife and I have sex. I want sex when I want it. When i’m in my addictive loop, I have no desire to be in union with my wife or God, but would rather fantasize about having sex with someone else. If I feed this addiction by masturbating, I’m separating myself from my wife. What you are suggesting is that we should feed our addictions. That’s a Satanic interjection into this argument. Ask any Satanist what the goal of their belief system is (whether they actually believe in Satan or not) and it is to fulfill their own needs. Think about what you are saying before you speak. You are using the reasoning of the world. Masturbation is not good, and sexual union is to be enjoyed between two people who love each other, not one person gratifying their self, especially if they are married or ever plan on getting married.

    • Lilian

      For sure thanks for that advice coz I think I was also getting addicted but thanx to those words I will be able to change .

    • ANONYMOUS(IM JUST TOO EMBARASSED)

      This has helped me and i hope I stop.I have had this problem for a while and i always cry afterwards. It breaks my heart and I pray I can become the good person i once was. Thank you sooooo much for this article.

    • Run

      @elle. Well put. There definitely are benefits and a woman certainly shouldn’t be shamed for her sexuality

    • Marie

      A lot of books say that masturbation is beneficial for women in marriage as you state. But I struggled with compulsive masturbation for many years as a teenager. When I got married, I found that I couldn’t climax with sex at all. The masturbation was always linked to some kind of fantasy and having sexual fulfillment completely tied to fantasy absolutely kills arousal and sexual fulfillment with a real person. I have been married for 15 years now and am still working towards actually connecting with my husband during sex. I don’t think that masturbating very rarely or as a way to understand arousal is necessarily a sin. But overdoing it and getting into really lustful and wrong fantasies is a very real and very damaging temptation.

  2. Henry Dansereau

    I will be posting a video on you tube soon regarding this vey important subject. I have overwhelming evidence from Scripture that masturbation is absolutely NOT a sin. You see there is no sin: homosexuality is not a sin. Did Christ die in Vain. According to the church he died in vain. Please look for this video soon. Jesus said when you know the truth it will make you free. The churches have had you in the bondage of sin.

    • Luke Gilkerson

      Interesting thesis, Henry. Let us know when your video is up.

      I agree with you: masturbation in and of itself is not a sin. I talk about that in this post. But lustful fantasy is a sin, and if masturbation is a fruit of that sin, we should guard against it.

  3. Pam

    Thank you thank you THANK YOU for writing this.

    In my struggle, masturbation was there long before I got into pornography or erotic fiction, and I’ve kicked the last two but masturbation still hangs on because it is such a grey area. No one I ask can give me a straight answer, the bible doesn’t mention it specifically, and in times of temptation I use it as an excuse.
    Thank you for writing so honestly.
    I kind of picture masturbation like a Goa’uld from Stargate SG1 (sorry, I’m a sci fi lover). They’re parasites that get into people’s brains and take over their brains and bodies. In one episode, doctors managed to cut off the long tail this creature had, but the parasite couldn’t fully be removed, the head was clinging tightly with all its might.
    Likewise, I think that masturbation, and really, selfishness, are the root of all our struggles, and we can chop off the fruit but it’ll keep coming back unless we destroy the root. In Stargate, they had to appeal to a race with higher technology to destroy the parasites.
    We can appeal to the highest power! He can change us from the inside out.

    • Luke Gilkerson

      Pam – If you don’t mind a man’s perspective, I’ll offer it. I do think the main problem with masturbation is that it is tied to fantasy. This article talks at length about it.

    • Kat D.

      It is also unfulfilling. A healthy, God-created and God allowed marital sex life is fulfilling, no matter how often you “do it.”. It might be changed up a bit, but there isn’t this addictive need for harder core stuff to get the same if even any result. Masturbation is unfulfilling and you need harder core stuff….which helped prove to me that it is against God’s design.

      I am still not sure how I feel about spouses separated by career circumstances or illness “relieving the pressure” so to speak, so long as their thoughts are on their spouse. For me, even fatasizing about my husband became utterly wrong because he could not live up to my fantastical view of him. Also, I was at it several times a day because it was so unfulfilling. I also found it harder to enjoy sex with my husband and I would wish for him to just get it over with so I could finish myself off (especially since for some reason, he won’t).

  4. Kat D.

    I asked God how I can handle my high libido and temptation to masturbate because my husband works away from home a lot and for some reason has stopped working at bringing me to climax during sex. The desire and need gets so strong it hurts and consumes me until I just give in to relieve the pressure and get on with my life. God showed me to use that time to pray HARD in praises to Him, and pray for my husband and our marriage bed. I can keep busy. I can exercise or do a project.

  5. AmyChristine

    Jessica,

    I appreciate your article. I am breaking free from a 24 year battle of pornography addiction. Today is my 68th day of sobriety. But the area of self-gratification has been on going issue.

    What you stated is true, about masturbation being selfish and its all about the self. I do know my weaknesses, and working on memorizing scripture. I’ve taken a Beth Moore challenge in memorizing the book of James. But I also appreciated your comment about “not making it easy”…I will say, toys have been a puzzle to me…Over the last year, I’ve made purchases I shouldn’t have but instant God conviction sets in, and within a day or so, I throw them away….but the temptation remains to continue to purchase them. So I appreciate you addressing the issue on toys/vibrators.

    I’m a 32 year old single Christian and amazingly through my addiction to porn, I’ve actually been able to remain a physical virgin and intend to stay that way until God provides a godly man for me.

    But know that you are speaking out and reaching out to women who NEED to hear it….

    Appreciate your heart to serve those in bondage! Blessings to you!

    • Itsame

      Amy,

      I’m not sure what brought me down this far in the replys but as I was about to click on another page, I saw your post. I just want to say that I really like how you have stayed a virgin through your addiction. I am in a similar boat. I have been struggling for nearly ten years now but have still remained a virgin. However, it has definitely been difficult with several relationships. It has only been recently that I have been ok talking about the addiction with significant others but it definitely helps letting the other know. This goes for all of those on here that are afraid to let people in their life know about their addiction: If they are family, they may be hurt and upset in the beginning but if they love you they will definitely stand behind you and support you through the battle ahead!

  6. Rob

    Really good article. Thanks. It is good to hear about someone helping women and being firm on the topic of fantasy.
    However, a difficulty is that in reading this as a guy it does stir up temptation when you as a female are sharing (particularly testimony). Unfortunate – yet true. I’m not sure of the solution. It did remind me of my continued brokenness and need for transformation!
    Maybe if the target audience is unisex, then application of truth needs to stay that way?

    • Luke Gilkerson

      @Rob – It cannot be denied we are speaking in “mixed company” here. Each post is targeted to its own particular audience (many posts, for instance, are probably not suitable for children). The hope is each post will be clear enough at the beginning of it whether the post is intended for the specific reader. Let us know if we can improve on this.

    • Rob,

      Sorry. Over the past three years, I have found that one of the ‘hazards’ of this ministry. I get that response, in general, a lot. Being modest about a sexual sin while still being open enough so that people know you’re real is difficult. That’s the primary reason why I don’t make a habit of sharing my testimony in a room full of men. That’s also why it’s best to focus on the grace that we all need instead of the sin we all commit.

      I know it isn’t comfortable and I definitely did not mean to offend anyone and it is certainly NEVER my intent to cause trouble for my brothers in Christ. I take that very seriously and actually questionned this post for that reason. I will say this though, women need to know that a person gets what they’re going through before they’ll listen to you, so if I had presented the truth ‘generically’ it would have completely missed the women who struggle.

      Thank you for your feedback. I really do appreciate it.

  7. zipporah

    Thats well and good, but what happens when husband was spoiled by so many women in the past that didnt require how to please them. I have a problem getting hubby to get orgasmic with me and it always was like this. oh BTW hubby is/was a musician the other women were ‘groupies’. Is there counseling for this problem of female orgasm?..males are guarenteed it

    • Luke Gilkerson

      zipporah – Interesting question and common problem (unfortunately). There is counseling available for women for just about anything nowadays, so I imagine you could find someone to talk to about female orgasm. The Journal of the American Medical Association reports that 43% of American women suffer from some form of “Female Sexual Dysfunction.” But as far as your husband is concerned, remember that men who have been very sexually active or who have watched pornography heavily have trained their minds to be very self-centered about their sexuality. This is unfortunate for you and for him. You are missing out on each other. “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). When a man treats the woman’s body with the same respect with which he would treat his own (including in the bedroom) then he will also reap the benefits of her pleasure. The one book in the Bible that describes love-making in detail, the Song of Solomon, paints a picture of mutual pleasure, and I believe this is by design.

    • Zipporah,

      Obviously, I can’t offer counsel from a little 150 word comment left on a post, but I think I can say for certain that this isn’t necessarily your problem. In general, women take time. We have to be romanced, and if your husband isn’t used to romancing, then yes, the whole experience is going to be lacking. From where I stand, it sounds like you might actually benefit from marital counseling of some sort. It’s like Luke said, pornography really trains people (not just men) to be self-centered about their sexuality. You can get all the counseling in the world for you, but I am not necessarily certain it is all your problem. If he sees this as an issue, then it may be a good idea to work on ‘falling in love again’ and helping him learn how to truly love (not use) women. If he doesn’t see it as an issue, then pray for ways to help him see how important it is to you.

    • Kevin Kilmon

      In the flesh, we deal with seperation. The soul is outside of what we percieve.
      I believe that the woman desires bliss, love, peace and joy on earth. When we are with another soul, sometimes its taken for granted. If the man lusts for the woman, and doesnt love God more, then the women is taken as a piece of property. The orgasm is a soulful thing. Your soul is actually in there, releasing energy into the spirit realm. When you have sex with one another, thank God the whole time in, and be thankful for the gift you recieved. Sex is not supposed to be as casual as the world sounds. Even if it is, give thanks to God. Give thanks to God even when it dont work out in one anothers favor. It shouldnt be about pleasure, but it is. So be wise, and dont be more about self pleasure then treating it asGod honoring. Good post and thank you

    • J may

      If he’s crazy for sex and has doesn’t feel bad about that maybe you should find a new lerins because it seems like he only for sex but if he’s not and he wants to change get therapy

  8. Eugene,
    You are welcome. Feel free to share it with whoever needs it. I have other resources over on the sight if you ever need anything more!

    For His Glory, because of His Grace,

    Jessica

    • kingsley

      I think a huge step u get off masturbation is through player to God and read Philippian 4:8 and Romans 13:14 they help a lot. Now my question is there more you can do to stop masturbation?

    • LT

      Hi Jessica. Thanks for the wonderful message..I am writing to ask if I can access you by email. Just need more guidance to healing as I am struggling . Blessing

    • kathtriana mccoy

      as far as im concerned, if i am going to hell i am going to enjoy the ride

    • Mr. Bailey

      Masturbation isn’t directly condemned: correct. Lust, though, is condemned, and if gazing upon someone for more than an innocent glance to saite some carnal desire is wrong, how can conjuring up hedonistic thoughts in the mind about that someone, or anyone, totally be okay and swept under the umbrella of “natural?” The answer: you logically and morally can’t. Now, some will argue that masturbating will be good and help avoid even worse behaviors, but as previously established, masturbation is wrong, and doing some kind of arbitrarily established lesser wrong to avoid some possible greater wrong (fear pandering, if you ask me) is irrational and immoral. Finally, if you allow the devil a foothold, good luck keeping him out of the house. And such talk seems ludicrous to those not of Christianity because the world is far gone in hedonistic ideas. (For a history lesson, look to Rome.)
      Fight the good fight.

    • h i am sakthii {male}
      have 8 years masturbation but now i will stop it but i have one problem i cannot speak casually with watching eye to eye opposite hearing person what is problem and how can solve it please help me frds ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    • Chris McKenna

      Hello Sakthii – although this blog was written from a female perspective, here is a blog post that might be more applicable for men: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/07/14/three-steps-to-kick-the-habit-of-masturbation/ Can you please clarify what you mean by, “I cannot speak casually with watching eye to eye” – does this mean you don’t know how to talk to another person about this struggle?

      Peace, Chris
      Covenant Eyes

    • Le phantom

      To Chris:
      Im completely against ur ideas.u say masturbating is good for health.thats entirely wrong.does a tree get better when u scratch it or break a branch of it?of course not.ur body is like that.u r letting a great source of vitamins,plasma,etc…get out of ur body.so thats clear that u r wasting ur body sources.second,I dont have enough information about bible but in Islam masturbating is a sin and thats clear why!!!youll get convinced to masturbate and then thinking about marriage decreases in u so its even a danger for population.third,u r a human.human have an ability of resistance.u can resist doing that.sex is not as the same as food or oxygen.u wont get in danger of death if u dont do that.so keep urself from doing that…
      Le Phantom since 2014

    • I just want to thank Jessica and Kay if i may, for not replying to all the negative people who just want to believe what they want to. stop being selfish and focus on God leave the nonsense of always want to be right.

    • I’m a guy and I masturbate but every time I do i get bad luck so I consider it god punishing me … so that why I get mad at myself when I do I call my self stupid for doing that
      I try so hard not to

    • Emily

      Hi, I am woman of age 30… I was having this self thing past 10 years… I try to control but not able to… I actually thank God that I got a very good parents and have a very good loving husband… I don no how I got into this dirty habbit… The main thing is I got married at the age of 27 still I didn’t have a baby yet… I am feeling guilty that because of this dirty habbit god is punishing me… So only Idint have a baby yet… I am ashamed of myself… I tried so many times to control and I tell to God that I wouldn’t do this again but somehow I ll do it again and I feel guilty to face him.how many times I ask him to forgive me…. feeling awful…Kindly help to come out… And please keep a prayer to God that soon I should blessed with a baby soon… I need a baby not only for me.. but also for my husband who loves me so much….?

    • Helayna

      I need help. It started when I didn’t even see it coming. When I was 14 I’d get a high from watching couples make out. I didn’t know what masturabation was. But I’d see the word different places so I looked it up. Then tried to see how it worked. First couple of days, I’d did it time after time. Then rlly started to feel guilty. I’m now 16 and have been trying to stop for 2 years. I feel so helpless! I’m very honest about this with God, not hiding it from Him; however nobody else knows. It’s such an embarrassing, dirty, selfish sin, I can’t tell anyone. I’m so scared. I’m scared of the difficulty I’m laying for the road ahead. I’m scared for my future relationship. I’m scared I’m trapped for years to come. I’ve been able to say no a couple of times, telling myself, “God never lets a temptation come to us, that is too strong for us.” After every time, I feel dirty and disgusting. I did and still do have a very rough childhood and life. My family is wonderful, but my Father had/has some views that are not of the Lord. I just feel like crying. I have so many amazing friends, family, not to mention and AMAZING Heavenly Father who died for this sin. My friends have no idea, nor my family. Nobody in my circle has rlly heard of a woman mastubating. My mom deals with so much stress from my Father, that even if I could get the courage to tell her, I can’t put more stress on her. Better I not burden her some more. I don’t regularly watch porn, but I do masturbate. Once a day on average. Sometimes, I’ll go a week and not even miss it but I’ll slip up once and it’s back. I think sometimes that watching homosexuals is evening worse than masturbating. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve laid this out in front of the Lord so many times, but I must be missing something. Please help.

  9. Thank you for this article, seldom do I see things written about female masturbation, wonderful article. I will download this and have it for our women who work with female sex addiction.

    • Chris

      What???? Hold on… There is nowhere in the Bible that states masturbating is a sin. People are human and it is completely natural. In fact, masturbating helps people who want to have sex to have self control. It’s a good way to not get pregnant, get a disease, or become promiscuous. Good way to hois dout until marriage. It’s also very good for your health as well as mind.

      Now with that said, it should be done in private and should be practiced infrequently so you dont damage the sensitivity of your sex organ. Porn is definitely a good habit to kick. Porn gives a stimulation to the brain that can harm the way you think about sex, how you should look, act, and feel.

    • Chris,

      Thank you for your comment. First off, I want to point out that not once in this article did I state masturbation is a sin. I agree, there is no verse in Scripture that speaks of masturbation as a sin. I have actually addressed this on one of the Q & A pages on my site. This article specifically deals with an addiction, and any addiction is sin.

      That being said, it is very important to note that because something is natural does not mean it is God-honoring or good. It is ‘natural’ for us to lie and seek our own good. Beyond that, I would be interested to see studies that support that masturbation is good for your health and mind in a way that say, exercise, would not be.

      As far as it being a good way to hold out until marriage, as a 28 year old virgin, I stand here in testimony of the fact that it is not necessary. As a woman who once struggled with compulsive masturbation I also disagree with the assertion that it helps people have self-control. What it does is helps people get satisfaction without risk or relationship. They get to have get to have sexual desires met, as you pointed out, without risk of getting pregnant, getting a disease or becoming promiscuous, but also without intimacy at all.

    • Esan Nifemi

      Really appreciate those words….it touches my soul…thanks so much and I will work towards it

    • kathtriana mccoy

      i cannot believe that even tho i have a problem with masterbation its a sin, technically we are all sinners and i dont get why its ok for guys to masterbate but not women, and how you throw the bible around, nice touch, really, as if i needed a reason to hate christianity more so,

    • Mon G.

      This article would more helpful if it was a little less sarcastic and more compassionate. This is why some Christians seek help from people in the world rather than from fellow believers.

    • I didn’t read this as sarcastic. Are there some specific statements that give you that impression?

    • Beth Concepcion

      Thanks for the article. We need to be victorious as women on this subject, as God created as pure and holy in His sight. Pray for us to win this battle with Him.

    • Anna

      Do you have any tips that are not faith related? I’m an atheist, and I am looking to kick my addiction. I don’t see it as something that shouldn’t be done in order to honor god due to this, but it has started to prevent me from normal social interactions with people. For example, if I am planning to meet up with friends later, sometimes I choose not to, knowing that that time could be spent masturbating.

    • Hi Anna,

      I highly recommend you check out the book The Porn Circuit. It isn’t faith-based and will give you a pretty good handle on the problem. (It’s also free.)

    • “get rid of everything that can be used in place of those”…What about pillows or teddies for example?should we get rid of those too?there are so many toys and materials even tools used in masturbating and we can’t possibly get rid of THOSE things eg desk,bedsheets

    • I feel like I have nowhere to turn and I feel like I’m not praying hard enough! It’s like my desire to sin is greater than my desire to please God. I really need help! Please pray for me! I know that God says he will make a way of escape so that we can endure it, but what is that way of escape? I try to recall verses and pray during temptation, but it doesn’t work! I will be 20 in 2 years and I’ve been masturbation since I was 11. I need to and want to stop but I can’t please help me!

    • In some sense, the very heart of sin is a stronger desire to please yourself compared to a desire to please God. This is, ultimately, how God transforms us from the inside out: He gives us holy desires, and then over time, those cravings become stronger and begin to trump the power of sin (Galatians 5:16).

      I used to feel like I wasn’t “praying hard enough” too. While there might be some truth to this, this kind of belief is also laced with a lot of lies. When we think “praying hard” means mustering up enough willpower or trying harder to repent or thinking the act of praying itself will change us, then we have our focus in the wrong place. Certainly prayer is vital to our sanctification, but the focus of prayer is not the activity of prayer itself, but the one we pray to.

      I’m glad you asked about the way of escape. I wrote a post several years ago on the cycle of addiction. One of the best ways to overcome this problem is by sitting down with a close friend, accountability partner, or mentor, and really mapping out your “ways of escape”—all the off ramps you plan to take no matter where you are in the cycle of addiction. There are many ways of escape all along the cycle.

      For instance, knowing what your triggers are (external and internal) is important. The first way of escape is to do what you can to avoid those triggers, or if you know a trigger is coming, to approach it mindfully and prayerfully.

      I highly recommend you also read this article about the apostle Paul. I know the shame you feel struggling with this, and of course, it is normal to react to sin with a sense of shame (sin is, after all, a shameful thing). But chronic shame can cripple your efforts to change. Shame is meant to drive us to reconciliation and exposing our sin, but often it only drives us feel like we are too unclean to be fixed. The only way to fight sin effectively is from the position of a new identity in Christ.

    • Christine

      I am not a women I am 13 and have had this problem since I was 8 only because something happened to me not to be mentioned I am trying to repent but my problems just keep on getting worse and I do not want my family to know but I have to tell someone like our bishop but I am scared and I want to stop please help me maby you can help

    • Kay Bruner

      Hi Christine. You are so brave to write in. I think you are really smart to be able to link masturbation to what happened to you when you were 8. I think the masturbation is a symptom of that underlying pain you’ve been in for so long.

      The first thing I’d say to you is this: you need to tell a safe adult about what happened that you can’t mention. When I say a safe adult, I mean an adult who is committed first and foremost to your well-being, someone who will stand up for you and help you in any way they can.

      Unfortunately, I am not always confident that church leaders are safe to talk to, simply because not all churches respond well when they learn information like this. I don’t know enough about your church to know if they will respond well or not. A safe response would be that they believe you, they don’t blame you, and they follow the law in making sure that the person who abused you doesn’t abuse other children.

      If your parents are safe people who haven’t abused you, then please talk to them immediately about what happened to you when you were 8.

      If your parents aren’t safe, then a school counselor is often a good person to talk to, because they are well prepared to help you through this.

      I am a counselor, and I work all the time with children in your situation. I want you to know that bad things have happened to you, which must have been very painful and difficult, and you have been all alone trying to cope with that. Part of the way you’ve coped with those bad feelings is to give yourself good feelings through masturbation. I think you can tell that isn’t a good long-term solution, which is why you wrote in. You need help to solve the underlying pain, and then I think you won’t need the masturbation so much to control the pain, and that will make it easier to take some behavioral steps toward healthier sexual habits. Does that make sense?

      I think that after you talk to that safe adult, you would also do well to go to counseling for a supportive relationship that will help you process through the pain. Your school should be able to supply your parents with a list of resources for counseling services in your area.

      You are so brave, and so wise already. I know you are going to heal and be well again, and you’ll be able to be in control of your own sexuality once again.

      I’m praying for you with lots of love. If you or your parents want to contact me personally, my website has a contact form you can use there. Blessings, Kay

    • Sophia

      I’ve been struggling a lot with this issue and I’m actually pretty young so it’s really hard to stop. My friends are all talking about how great it is so I’m struggling with stopping this article really helped me and gave me a boost thanks you

    • Norma

      Thank you so much Jessica, you are absolutely right in saying that some women use masturbation or pornography as an escape to stress. About 7 months ago I confessed my addiction to my husband and it was extremely humbling as often times we struggle with being compassionate towards men because of their addictions. I hadn’t struggled since (once or twice with thoughts) but we are dealing with a lot of stress right now and I want to go back to my escape. I want to take care of me and no one else. I don’t want to fall back which is why I looked up “Christian women with porn addictions”. Thank you for your vulnerability and for having the heart to be open with your life. Love, Norma

    • Gerry

      That the Bible does not always use our current modern terms for things doesn’t mean that those things are not addressed.
      The terms “uncleanness,” “lasciviousness,” “indecency,” “licentiousness,” “immodesty,” “perversion,” “depravity,” “debauchery” and “impurity” found in Galatians 5:19 and Ephesians 4:19 in various versions are translated from the Greek “akatharsia,” “aselgeia,” which seem vague and imprecise. What exactly is meant?
      In Greek as in English, euphemisms are used in place of the literal terms for irregular sexual-genital acts. Unlike English, which borrows Greek and Latin terms for “proper” reference to illicit conduct with the genital organs, Greek does not use the Greek words we borrow into English in the way English speakers do. That is for example, if the Greek words used in English are translated into Greek, the same Greek words will not appear. Same for Latin.
      The English word “fornication” translated into Latin does not come out “fornication,” for in Latin it is an euphemism for prostitution (“that which is done under the arches of the viaducts and aqueducts”), not sexual immorality generally.
      The acts specicifically alluded to by “akatharsia” and “aselgeia” are oral sex, the masturbation of the genitals with the mouth, and anal sex, the use of the anus for masturbation. Despite the utter commonness of these acts in the Greek culture, they were referred to as filthy acts.

    • AJ

      Thank you for this article. I am also a virgin waiting for the man God has for me. I do believe masturbation is a sin, it is taking something that is meant to be between two people and making it selfish. Selfishness is a sin. I also don’t think its “lovely and pure”. Unfortunately I have gotten caught up in this sin and it has made me ashamed and has cut my communication with God. I want to quit and I’m going to do what this article has discussed. Thank you for your words! The Lord wants me to get through this and I will!

    • Kevin Kilmon

      In the flesh, we deal with seperation. The soul is outside of what we percieve.
      I believe that the woman desires bliss, love, peace and joy on earth. When we are with another soul, sometimes its taken for granted. If the man lusts for the woman, and doesnt love God more, then the women is taken as a piece of property. The orgasm is a soulful thing. Your soul is actually in there, releasing energy into the spirit realm. When you have sex with one another, thank God the whole time in, and be thankful for the gift you recieved. Sex is not supposed to be as casual as the world sounds. Even if it is, give thanks to God. Give thanks to God even when it dont work out in one anothers favor. It shouldnt be about pleasure, but it is, but it should be given wisely. Good post and thank you

    • Yolanda

      There is a scripture about masterbation even though the word isn’t used. Titus 2: 11-12. Masterbation is basically worldly lust.

    • Hi my name is Faith, I have been a Christian since I was 8 years of age and I am now 14… I have always been around sometype of sexual activity my parents were strongly into it as well as my siblings… I have always prayed that The Lord help me overcome this, I know my weaknesses and also know that when I do it The Lord says that’s my child and I’m disappointed in her… I’ve never had sex but I’ve looked up porn, and I beat myself up for it… It’s like I pray that night and I ask the Lord to give me strength to fight it but the next day I find myself doing it again… I don’t understand how I can be so young but fight with something so big… If you can Email me and give me tips please.
      Thanks

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey Faith, I really admire your insight into what’s going on with you, at such a young age. I actually think that a lot of people your age are struggling with these same issues, so I’m going to go ahead and respond here, in case some of them need this information, too.

      First of all, when you’ve been exposed to a lot of sexual behavior at an early age, it’s perfectly normal to have “acting out” behaviors as a result. One of the things that children all do is literally act out the reality that’s around them. This is why children play pretend games: they’re trying to figure out what’s going on around them, but they don’t have a lot of words yet, so they use behavior instead.

      When it comes to sex, though, our body and brain chemistry gets involved and it’s really easy for normal acting out behaviors to become entrenched habits and maybe even addictions, as time goes on. (Your Brain on Porn is a free download that was written with men in mind, but our brain chemistry works the same, male or female, so if you’re interested in reading more about that, here’s the link.)

      The good news is, you can take responsibility for your own behavior. Usually the first step is stopping the undesirable behavior. That’s how Covenant Eyes came into being in the first place–to make porn less accessible, so stopping is easier. It’s like going on a diet: you clean out the junk food before you start, so you don’t just find yourself eating chips in front of the TV all day. So, I’d say as a first step, look at your habits around porn and see what steps you can take to make it more difficult for yourself. Filter/block sites; delete apps from your phone and turn off the app store; keep devices out of the bedroom at night, if that’s when you’re tempted. You get the idea.

      Secondly, I’d say keep trying even if things don’t go perfectly. It takes time to learn new habits. Look at how your system is working or not working, and make needed adjustments as you go along. Switch to a flip phone, for example, if a smart phone doesn’t work for you.

      Third, keep educating yourself. Keep reading.

      Fourth, find safe people who are able to support you in this. Perhaps a youth group leader or a school counselor could be helpful to you? If you wanted to go to personal counseling at your age, your parents would definitely need to be involved, but I think that could be a good support for you as well.

      Finally, I want to tell you that God delights in you, just as you are. This is the good news for all of us: God does not wait for us to be perfect before he loves us. He knows everything about us and he loves us. Yes, he wants to see us living healthy, free, and full of joy. But he doesn’t love us any less when we are tired and scared and broken and ashamed. In fact, I think his heart turns toward us even more when we’re in need. And I’ve just found for myself that the more I receive that Love, the more I live in it, the less attractive anything else is to me. And I think that’s where sin gets broken–not by our self-control and excellent habits, but in the Love of God for us that fills until that’s all we want or need.

      Receive that Love and live in the freedom and joy of it. Kay

    • Blue

      This is literally the worst article I have ever read, and it’s full of self hate. I am in a long distance relationship, and masturbation, including mutual masturbation over long distance has helped solidify loyalty. I have not run around, and been promiscuous, and it helps slate desire. Being away from the person I love has made this an addiction. It’s not being able to be with the person I want to be with, and feeling incredibly lonely. Masturbation releases chemicals that literally make you feel happy, which I have become addicted to in the height of my depression from being isolated from my significant other. The proposal that I should be ashamed of masturbation because it is “selfish” or against God is so insane, and unhelpful, not to mention incredibly insulting and unrealistic. I did not come here to be ashamed, and judged by someone who very obviously has no idea what they’re talking about. It’s not being sinful or selfish, it’s not being able to be close to someone. It’s not just about pleasure, it’s about release from stress, worry, and crippling depression. It’s being addicted to that alleviation from cyclic depression, and becoming reliant on those chemicals to lift you out of that when nothing else can get you out of it. Alternates to becoming addicted to this cycle would have been helpful, not being told that we are sinful, selfish heathens thank you. How awful. You could have suggested other activities such as exercise which also release similar chemicals in the brain, but no, you chose the least educated, most judgemental route possible. Thanks for nothing.

    • Lucille

      I’m just 13 and I’ve been doing this since I was about four. Back then it just “felt good” to “touch myself”, and I didn’t know it was wrong until a few years ago. I know for sure that this my ultimate cross that God has given me to bear, and is probably the sin that I’ll struggle with throughout my life. It’s my root sin, but that doesn’t mean I have to live my it out: I really want to stop. I still masturbate though, because, firstly, it is a habit (it’s kind of innate: there have been almost 10 years of this) and I have been doing it for so long; and secondly, I can’t stop. Every time I find myself doing this I tell myself that I’ll never do it again, but I find myself doing it again later on.
      I cant really talk to anyone about this because my mom won’t talk to me about sex at all, and this is also a very embarrassing problem.
      This article helped me: It let me know that I need to stop, but quitting really doesn’t come easy.

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey Lucille, you’re so brave to talk about something that many people find embarrassing to mention–even adults! Masturbation is a hard habit to break, for sure. Orgasm involves a release of chemicals that our brain and body enjoy. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that–it’s simply how God designed our bodies to work sexually. But, like lots of good things, our bodies can become dependent and we can lose our sense of balance and start sacrificing to our obsessions. When we start using sexuality to stuff down emotional pain, we’re probably going to get into an unhealthy place pretty quickly. I hope you can find support here as you make healthy choices for you. Blessings! Kay

    • Lucas Smith

      I am looking for help with my wife who masturbates three to four times a night and denies it. It has been happening for over a year… Is there any help other than prayer?

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey Lucas.

      Well, I’d say try to have a conversation from the perspective of trying to understand what’s going on with your wife. Here’s a one-minute clip from an interview with marriage expert Dr. John Gottman that might be helpful to you.

      The reality for women is this: we are not taught to deal well with our own sexuality. I think this is true of men as well, btw, and I think this is why porn has such a hold in Christian culture: not because we aren’t “pure enough” but because we’re woefully unhealthy about sexuality in general. I think the porn problem is just a symptom of our way bigger problem with sex in general. For men, the story is “he just can’t help it” while the story for women is “she shouldn’t want it.” If she does like and want sex, she’s not a good person in Christian culture. This makes female sexuality and desire a tough topic to address. I’m generalizing, but that’s what we’re up against a lot of times.

      Now, I don’t know what the rest of your relationship is like. But I think you can do a whole bunch of things to create a strong, successful relationship that then includes a strong, successful sexual experience for both of you. If you can’t have this open, understanding conversation with your wife right now, then I’d say get Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and invest in the REST of your relationship. Then you might be able to address more successfully what else is going on in this one particular area.

      I hope that helps, Kay

    • Yvette Garcia

      Thank you for this, I often struggle with this and have been looking for a good resource

    • Le phantom

      To Chris

    • Lacey

      Thank you for this article when I read it my desire to please God just sky rocketed and that need of wanting to please the flesh just “uped” and left it’s good that ur a Christian I understood you more on a spiritual level if I had gone into the world I don’t think I would have kicked it…thank again

    • Dorothy Powell

      It is habit forming. It feeds the selfishness in a person. Makes you think you don’t need nobody else. Starts to gradually occupy too much of your time. Start being your go to when you are stresse, lonely, can’t sleep, weary, need peace, want happiness, and the pleasure King. Your God. To add if you are having sex with yourself are you really a pure virgin??? No! You have just been tricked. It is Just the devil way of seducing you and getting what he wants from you. Right under you nose. And you not putting up a finger to stop him. Because you are busy taking care of his business. Spreading his gospel! Don’t you see
      how you fight so hard to defend this, Master?

    • Ben pamei

      I cried reading every single line?
      dear God bless you ?he is our best daddy. I’m so glad that your talking about this topic.this article really helped me.
      these days no church wants to talk about these kind of topics.I’m so glad your spreading these messages…as it isn’t written in the bible that masturbation is a sin,Satan wants to use as an advantage and corrupts every youth minds that it isn’t a sin so you can do it…but i realized that our daddy God won’t be proud of it. I’m an 18 year old girl who is so inspired reading this article.

    • Fatima

      I really do need a lot of help & of your prayers, I am 15 now but I started when I was 13 & since then, there’s no day in which I don’t masturbate ?…

    • Chris McKenna

      Hello Fatima – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. It’s a tough, tough battle to stop, but freedom is possible (with a lot of hard work). Did you read the blog post? What about it was helpful? If this is something that has been a struggle for 2 years, it is something you won’t be able to defeat on your own. Relying on the power of Christ and also the community of trusted people around you is a power punch against sexual sin. Do you have a trusted person you can talk to?

      Peace, Chris

    • HarryS

      Chris, 04-02-14 – Just because the word “masturbation” is not found in the Bible doesn’t mean that the act that the word represents isn’t treated in the Bible.
      No sexual acts are mentioned by name in the Bible other than what Onan did. They are represented by broad general terms:
      • uncover his/her nakedness (euphemism) – to do something sexual with another person
      • uncleanness – in a sexual context (akatharsia), a sexual act done in private
      • lasciviousness, filth(y) – a sexual act done openly, brazenly for the primary purpose of sexual excitement and release. Always in an evil context, condemned
      • sodomy – includes all inherently wicked sexual acts. Chiefly in relation to homosexuality, but also the same acts committed by and between heterosexuals.

    • Allison

      Hi,
      Thank you so very much for being a God send and most of all thank God for His work through you. God has been helping me get over my addiction since this summer after I went through an extremely, extremely frightening expierence, that God could never forgive me. God has gotten me through that, thankfully!!! But I’d be lying if there weren’t weren’t still scars that haunt me, because of the lies that I listened to. But anyway today I guess just hasn’t been a good day. Two days ago God showed me just how much He is in my life and how greatly He cares for me, but today I just haven’t felt Loved. I’ve been stuggiling with being a light for God. A lot of times I ask God to let me have conversations about Him with those around me, He answers, but yesterday I just kind of got really down, because I have never made an impact on anyone’s faith, I’ve never helped lead anyone into Jesus and it kills me when I’m around my depressed friends and they don’t feel comforted by my story out of that through Jesus, like when they want to know my story or when I’m with my atheist friends and they ignore me and bring up the same issues that I have tried to help them understand, and they agree with me on those jssues, and I love my friends so much and I can see their need for God, and I’ve been through what they ate going through, not believing in God and depression, and I’ve always wanted to help them, but like I said, I’m just not the brightest light you know. My dad says I can’t see my self as insufficient because you never know what you could have done in helping, but sometimes I just don’t know. I know what it’s like to be doubtful and depressed and addicted and without God my life was completely unfullfilled. Nothing ever filled me. I know masturbation doesn’t fill me, and only God does, but I’m human and sadly forget sometimes how much God has turned around my life, and all those factors kind of lead up to today with my struggle towards this and I just feel so worn out. So I guess if anyone has any insight into that I dont know, it would be nice to know but I know God is with me. But I am inspired by your article and I absolutely love to see God’s work in people. Thanks again and God bless you!!!

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey Allison.

      First of all, I think Love is so much bigger than we know. If you’re not feeling loved today, I’d encourage you to go outside and look at the clouds for a while. Feel the breeze. Crunch some leaves. Watch a squirrel. Drive to the most beautiful place you can, and take a walk in nature. Drink a pumpkin spice latte. (Unless you’re in Texas: it’s still 90 degrees. Have a green tea lemonade.) Receive all those gifts as God’s Love for you, because they are. You are Loved, perfectly and completely, and all those good, beautiful things are demonstrations of that love.

      Secondly, I want to remind you that God is present to your friends in all the ways he is present to you as well. And for your depressed friends, he is present in the gift of modern medicine, so you might encourage them to see a doctor and get the medical help that’s available for depression! While it’s wonderful to be concerned and want to help your friends, it’s not ultimately your job to convince them of anything. Share your story, live your life, and let them choose. God is present for them just as he is present for you.

      There is more Love available to us than we can possibly comprehend.

      Peace to you, Kay

    • CLAIRE

      Jessica, what advise can you give to a young Christian woman who has no husband to fulfill her sexual needs? Ive really been struggling with this for a long time, and even started trying to convince myself that it was natural. But i always feel so guilty about it after,

    • Victor

      Many women do not share the view that masturbation is “normal” and that female sexuality is mostly “clitoral”. Addiction to genital rubbing to relieve uncleanliness, irritation, or stress, is a very bad situation which even runs counter to the fact that a woman should be in control of her sexual “needs” and not be a slave to them. Love and parenthood are still the main purpose of sex the world over and this should be stressed in advice to young females, not the unfortunate opposite we hear so much in western mags these days. In many cultures female selfishness in masturbation is viewed as unacceptable and shameful.

    • Sherly

      Hi.. I don’t kw how I got addicted to masturbation .. it’s not like addiction .. but from small I do this .. I ave no idea from what age .. I don’t do it everyday but atlst twice or thrice a month I do …. but as God’s child, I kw I’m doing things which God doesn’t like … and I want to come out of it … Plz help me out and plz pray for me … ? I want to be a girl whom God loves … and thanks for the article … so many days I was thinking tat self pleasure is not a sin .. but this article opened my eyes saying sex should be done by husband and wife and not by self … thank you so much .. God bless … and remember me in ur prayers … thank you …!!

    • Lauren

      Hi,

      I’m a 20 year old college student and I’ve been masturbating since I was 10. It started with “acting out” when I was young and gradually became worse. I started watching and reading erotic media, I started experimenting with different materials and ways to please myself, and every time afterwards, I felt lower than dirt.

      I’ve told one person I trusted a year or two ago, but I haven’t been kept accountable. I feel like people would see me differently and judge me if I told anyone else. I’ve thrown away so many things that I would use and unsubscribed to a lot of things that I would watch or read, but I still do it.

      I’m now dating a loving Christian man and I feel like he’ll be disgusted with me if he ever finds out. I feel that my friends would be disgusted. I feel that God is disgusted.

      Am I missing something? Is there something wrong with me?

    • Anonymous

      I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m a single mom, both single and also walking with Jesus for 5 years now with 2 ungodly sexual relationships early in my walk.

      I also struggle with addiction to masturbation. Early in life i was taught by my older brothers who were supposed to love and protect me, that I can only be loved by a male if I were pleasing him sexually. I must have started both hating myself because I was stripped of my dignity and indulging myself with masturbation as some treasure that was “mine” way too early to remember.

      I love Jesus now and after a failed marriage I’m slowly accepting that he loves me without all the ugliness of ungodly sex as his reason for loving me.

      I’ve been taking a course on women with emotional pain, and we are currently in the marriage section. It’s incredibly painful for me, and I drift if into imaginary land sometimes, pretending the guy for me is around every corner.

      This morning I started to study in the section, but ran across “wear your husband’s fave sleepwear, or non sleepwear!” So I looked up lingerie for slightly plump mother’s.

      NOW I KNOW based on your scripture-quoting, ROM 13:14, and PHIL 4:8, that this is exactly where I slipped into sin.
      I put my Bible study down and got deeper into my internet search. Thankfully I don’t struggle with traditional porn any longer, but even looking up sex position that only showed cartoon silhouettes was enough.

      After it was over i felt the Lord asking me if that made me “feel” (emotionally) better and I crumpled crying, drowning in guilt. I didn’t. Frankly I don’t see how giving myself an orgasm, I got over any physical “need” either.

      I looked up”Christians who struggle with masturbation” and found your article. When I read it, the scriptures instantly moved me. I didn’t feel guilty any longer, but just sorry to my Savior. And I accepted his love for me once again.

      Since i said yes to Jesus 5 yes ago my whole perspective has changed.

      I used to be that skeptic who hated stupid Christians who need a crutch like Jesus. Now I totally get it.

      If you’re reading this and you are that skeptic, yes we are weak. And we know it. And unless you get to the point where you admit you’re hopeless too, well there you are. You stay hopeless.

      Thank you, jessica for your transparency, for your willingness to put yourself out there to help other ladies like me. Thanks for your faithfulness to the calling in your life, despite obvious attack, and thank you for your graceful responses.

      Thank you Jesus, that you love all women and men with all types of sexually appetites and indulgences that may be at best socially-accepted “innocent” and at worst utterly-debased deviant. It’s amazing Lord that you look down into our cesspool and see the treasure each and every one of us are to you.

      I pray that any skeptic or Christian-hater (more like Christ-hater) on this chain would come to an understanding that you are a loving Father and friend, albeit completely HOLY and unwilling to accept any sin as “understandable.”
      Be patient please Lord, they truly do not know what they do.

      Anonymous.

    • Elizabeth

      Thanks. I think this is really useful for me in my life.
      I am addicted to masturbation for 8 years i want to get rid of this condition.
      I am in love with a man who wants to marry me, I feel bad about myself. I think this article could help me to get rid of it. Thank you

    • Dee

      I’m 16 years old and I started watching porn and masturbating when I was about 12 or 13. It’s something I keep to myself. I know God is watching me. I’m a girl so it’s hard for me. How do I stop it? I don’t feel comfortable or like myself anymore.

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey Dee. Well, God is watching you, but not in disgust or anger. Because God IS love, he can only look at you in that love. You may not like you, but God does! And there’s nothing you can do to make that love and that liking go away. I really think the only way we can change is when we receive that great, great Love for ourselves, and let it transform us. Shame and guilt and self-disgust will only lead us to needing behaviors to mask our pain. The less we like ourselves, the worse we feel about ourselves, the more we do things to hurt ourselves.

      So maybe it seems upside down and backwards, but I’d say, when you’re wanting to grow and change, let Love into the places you’re most ashamed of. When you’re feeling bad about yourself, receive Love. I do that by being really mindful of all the good gifts that Love gives us: the breath in my body, delicious food, hot tea, the sunshine, my dog who loves to snuggle me, music and art and laughter. All those things are gifts of God’s Love, and when I receive them intentionally and mindfully, I find that I’m much less self-destructive.

      I think yoga is a huge help to counteract any kind of self-destructive behaviors, especially body-related self-harm. My favorite is Yoga with Adriene on YouTube! Here’s a little 5-minute de-stress practice you can try.

      Hope that helps. Peace to you, Kay

      Peace to you, Kay

    • Hi…. I need help about this topic… and counseling as well…. If you could reach me out…..

    • Victor tejay

      I can’t controlling myself I’m just 19 want to marry at the age of 25 but I’m didn’t controlling myself ,I’m started do selfsex at the age of 8 I’m still doing it could u help me??

    • Ms A

      Thank you for this article, I am single women who struggles with masturbation. By the grace of God, adult entertainment is no longer in my life. However the temptation too self pleasure literally comes back. However this is a good thing too not hide, but seek help.

    • Meka

      Hi im 29 yrs. Old and im struggling with masterbation it seems the more i pray and want to stop it makes want to do it even more im not addicted to porn or anything i guess i just enjoy the feeling i am so ashamed because when im in church i kno that tje pastor senses what im going thru im the spirit but its like im embarrassed for him to kno and just feel low and disgusting the problem came when a family member use to touche me when i was little and everg since then i have been doing this im so ashamed plz pray for me.

    • Chris McKenna

      Hi, Meka – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. That spirit of shame and disgust is so heavy. But, it wants you to keep secrets and hide the issue because when you do that, the enemy wins. BUT, in the light, and saving Grace-filled love of Jesus, that disgust and shame is crushed. Can you trust anyone to talk with about your struggles? Maybe even a support forum like nofap.com, where you can find other people online who understand and will support you?

      Be strong! Christ did not die, descend to the depths of hell, conquer death, and rise to glory only to be defeated by your struggle. He overcame the struggle for YOU! Yes, for you. God is for you and will be your strength. But, you must act. Look at Joseph in Egypt – when tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t stay and ponder the situation. No, he ACTED and RAN! Now is your time. I hope the best for you,

      Chris

    • Bonnie Currie

      Thank you for these words of wisdom….

    • Konnie

      Thanks so much! I am a teenage Christian girl who struggles with masturbation and this was very helpful when you put scriptures and God into this article. I really appreciate this. Thank you!

    • Jessica

      Hi Jessica,

      I’m 18 years old and just start College. I have grown up in church my entire life and in fact my father is a pastor. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was 12. I stopped masturbating when I was around 16, but unfortunately have recently picked it up again and worse than ever. I have never thought of it as an addiction until this year. I want to follow these steps you have given, but I don’t know if I have anyone to really talk to. You see, because I’m a pastor’s daughter, I feel like I couldn’t talk to anyone about this even my youth pastor or my parents. I had looked at some porn when I was 12 and about a year ago I told my mom and she seemed really worried. I feel like I have no one to talk about my problems with. I really appreciate your article!

    • Chystalle parker

      THANK YOU . i now will try to keep away form some Television channels and beg the LORD to help me forget the picture (nude), if it comes suprisingly in a movie i am watching. now i know that stopping masturbation IS AN ACT OF NOW and AN ACT OF TRUST IN GOD’s TRIALS. it’s not a TO DO ACT.

    • Aditi

      Thanks .I think God punishes us for masturbating. I have experienced it every time I masturbate God punishes me.i pray and cry. But I don’t know if God hates me as he is not helping me. My studies are affecting.god is not listening to me .I feel like dying I need help please help me …….

    • Kay Bruner

      God does NOT punish you for masturbating. God does NOT hate you for masturbating. God loves you, every minute, no matter what.

    • Gerald

      The Bible does not graphically describe any sexual or genital act other than what Onan did. Euphemisms and broad general terms are used:
      “Knew,” “saw his/her nakedness,” “lay with” and such like.
      “Uncleanness” (akatharsia), “wantonness,” “filth(iness),” “lewdness” (aselgeia).
      It is assumed by the writers that the reader knows at least generally what is included in the terms.

    • Chris McKenna

      Hi, Mercy – at some point, you have to make a decision. I don’t know what else to tell you other than you’re stronger than you think you are. I don’t sense a deep-rooted desire to quit in your post. Maybe it’s there and I just can’t see it. But, no one can make you stop masturbating. It’s you, God’s help, your will, a daily decision, speaking openly with someone, identifying triggers, texting a friend when you’re struggling. I truly hope the best for you. May God give you grace. May grace guide your efforts. And, may your efforts succeed.

      Best,
      Chris

    • Victor Kenneth

      I sincerely appreciate you for this….
      I’ve been masturbating for the past 7 years and I think it has affected my height cus my junior brother is much healthy and taller than me….
      Please I need to stop this habit… I still with to grow tall

    • Debbie

      Hello women, I do not need to ask very many questions. But this is a question that I need to ask a professional and godly woman or women :-) I am asking my question here in hopes that I will get a good answer. My husband passed away two months ago. I am 54 years old and I had an orgasm several times a week. I am wondering if having an orgasm releases any built up tension, grief or stress? or does it release negative things like pain and sorrow? I am strong in the Lord and I am handling my grief well, however, when I masturbate I think about my husband but then I cry really hard. Sometimes it messes up my equilibrium. I am a very deep person, very loving and very passionate. I am also committed to Jesus Christ as my source of love, intimacy and the one I turned to in my times of need, through prayer, worship and the word. I am hoping that my sexual passion and desire for an orgasm will diminish if I stop masturbating. Is this true? If I stop masturbating will I eventually be OK without sex?
      I totally agree with crucifying my flesh. And this is the only thing I can think of.
      “What I feed will grow, but if I stop feeding it, then it will die”
      Is that answering my own question?
      Stop masturbating and eventually I will be fine? Thank you for any feedback.😌🙏🏻

    • Kay Bruner

      Hi Debbie,

      I am so, so sorry for this incredible loss you are going through.

      My own experience with deep grief is that it is a very physical process. Trauma is encoded in the chemical systems of the body, so it makes sense to me that orgasm might tap into the physical grief that your body is holding. I suspect that your equilibrium will be fragile for a long time to come as you pass through the grief process.

      Your sexuality is a part of your Self. Wanting your sexual desire to go away is like wanting hunger or thirst to go away. All of those things are just part of your healthy physical self. You can starve yourself in any number of ways, but I don’t think that’s healthy.

      I wonder if you are getting any therapy for your grief? Grief is terrible and painful, but starving yourself sexually isn’t going to make the grief stop. You can find a therapist in your area using the Psychology Today therapist finder. You might also appreciate the work of Megan Devine. She’s written a book called It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay, and she runs a Write Your Grief course at Refuge in Grief.

      A big loss like this blows all your inner boxes (your “schema”) apart. You have to figure out life all over again, in every way. That’s going to include your sexuality, and figuring out how you can be a healthy sexual person in this new normal. I don’t know what that’s going to look like.

      But please don’t starve yourself in any way. Especially not while you’re grieving. Be as kind and compassionate to yourself as possible, in every way. You’ve already been crucified enough at this point. Let yourself be held in the loving arms of God right now.

      Much love to you,
      Kay

    • That what I said too.

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