At first glance, the question, “Can you masturbate without lusting?” might sound like an odd question. Same with the question, “Is masturbation without porn a sin?”
For those who feel no guilt or shame about the matter, the question sounds ridiculous. For those who are utterly opposed to all masturbation, regardless of the internal dynamics that drive it, the question sounds irrelevant.
But for those whom lust is their primary concern when it comes to masturbation, the question is of immense importance.
Is it always sinful to masturbate?
Christians disagree on whether the Bible forbids masturbation or not. Some Christians point to Genesis 38:9-10, where Onan sins by “spilling his seed” (i.e. masturbating), to avoid conceiving a child as God commanded. It’s reasonable to conclude from this that God disproves of masturbation, at least in some circumstances. However, this passage alone does not give enough detail to conclude that masturbation itself is always wrong or why.
Why is masturbation sinful?
Jesus said that the things that come from the heart defile a person (Matthew 15:19). So the more important question is this: what is the heart of the matter when it comes to masturbation? What is it about our hearts when we masturbate that does—or doesn’t—make it wrong?
Many Christians have looked to Matthew 5:28 to answer this question. Jesus says, “I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In other words, sexual sin begins with attitudes of the heart, not merely our outward actions. If a person can commit adultery in their thoughts without the physical act, then it follows that the real sin of masturbation is something deeper than the physical act.
So is it sinful to masturbate without porn?
The Bible is clear that watching pornography is a sin. But many wonder whether it’s still sinful to masturbate if you don’t use porn. Some still struggle with masturbation long after they leave porn behind. But is it really sinful if you’re not looking lustfully at pornography?
It’s important to remember that Jesus’s teaching about lust goes beyond explicit porn. “Adultery in the heart” could be any kind of sexual impurity. See Sexual Purity: What Scripture Teaches About God’s Plan for Sex. So then, just because you aren’t watching porn doesn’t mean that you aren’t lusting when you masturbate.
What the Bible makes clear about masturbation.
Though we haven’t answered the specific question yet (is masturbation itself sinful), we can already see some clear biblical teaching. Scripture teaches at least some masturbation is wrong. Romans 14:23 adds that anything that isn’t of faith is sin. That means that even if masturbation itself isn’t sinful, it’s sinful to masturbate if you believe it’s wrong and do it anyway.
Furthermore, the Bible teaches that when God saves us from our sin, he transforms and changes our hearts and behaviors—including our sexual habits like masturbation (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). Followers of Jesus should seek to submit themselves to his commands and obey him whatever the cost. That means we should be willing to give up masturbation if we feel convicted.
3 Types of People and How They Masturbate
In his book Sex, Men, and God, Doug Weiss says there are three types of men in the world (and, I assume, this goes for women, too):
1. Men who have never masturbated (Type A) – Weiss believes this group of men is the smallest camp of men in the Western world. After years of speaking at men’s conferences, he’s only met 14 men who claim to have never masturbated. In other cultures, Weiss adds, masturbation simply isn’t a cultural norm and is relatively uncommon.
2. Men who do not fantasize or lust during masturbation (Type B) – This type of person stays “connected” to himself during masturbation—they don’t escape into fantasy. For this person, the act is merely performing a bodily function. As such, there is little emotion attached to the experience, and typically no sense of guilt or shame.
3. Men who lust during masturbation (Type C) – These men are “disconnected” during the act of masturbation; their focus is on a mental image, an actual image, or an object.
Why does it matter if there are different types of masturbation?
In his book, Weiss asks what happens when a Type B masturbator grows up and becomes a pastor, Christian counselor, or Bible teacher. If he universalizes his own experience, this man is likely to think there is nothing wrong with masturbation at all. If Type C men listen to a teacher like this, they either become very confused, or they are encouraged to believe that their lifestyle of fantasy-filled masturbation is okay.
Similarly, if a Type C masturbator becomes a spiritual leader, he will be likely to say that all masturbation is sinful. Type B people are likely to hear this and either get defensive or start feeling a sense of false guilt and shame.
So, is some masturbation OK?
In one sense, because Type B masturbation involves no lust, it would be easy to assume it involves no sin. This is true. But there is another critical question to ask.
What habits are you creating by repeated Type B masturbation? Many feel that the urge to masturbate is out of control. Are you becoming mastered by this habit (see 1 Corinthians 6:12)? If so, you might be reinforcing a false belief that your body is simply your own. Your body is for the Lord (6:13)—and your wife if you are married. “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (6:19b-20).
More Questions About Masturbation, Lust, and Sin
Can you change how you masturbate?
Weiss says, in his 20+ years of professional experience counseling men around issues of sexual sin, Type C masturbators rarely ever become Type B masturbators. He welcomes men to attempt the change, but warns, “Be careful not to deceive yourself.”
Can you masturbate without sinning if you are married?
Weiss also reminds married men that when they take a vow of marriage, their sexuality becomes intimately tied to another person. He reminds men of the solemn command of 1 Corinthians 7:4, “The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” Regardless of your motive for masturbation, your wife has authority over your sexuality. “God is the first, your wife is the second and you are the third owner of your penis,” writes Weiss.
For Weiss, the issue of married men masturbating is about honesty. Does your wife know you do it and does she approve? He writes, “If you can’t be honest with your wife about your total sexual expression, then you probably need to evaluate the reason for your ongoing lies to your wife.” If you don’t talk to your wife about it, why? Are you still holding on to the belief that your sexuality is “me-sex” vs. “we-sex”?
What if your wife is the one you fantasize about?
Even if after full disclosure to your wife, she approves of you masturbating, is it wrong to “lust” after images of your wife?
Here Weiss offers some sage advice: Does the woman of your fantasies match the woman you are married to? Do you change aspects of your fantasy wife that don’t match who your real wife is? Does she act sexually different in your fantasies? Does she look different?
If so, you are reinforcing a chemical process in your brain to be turned on by your fantasy wife, and this will only frustrate you when your real wife doesn’t measure up.
I would add to this: Masturbating to fantasies of your wife, while preferable to other images, also trains your body and mind to be more me-centered in your sexuality. Even if your wife approves of your behavior, you should ask whether this activity really helps to move you more towards the image of Christ, who emptied himself and sacrificed all for the love of His bride, the church.
We could talk about exceptions to the norm, of course—prolonged illness or geographical distance between couples. But we also shouldn’t let the conversation about so-called “exceptions” (even if we think they are legitimate) make us overlook the biblical principles that should inform our attitudes.
Ideally, fantasizing about your wife—a good thing—should be something that propels you towards intimacy with her, to where sex can be a consummation of love and self-giving.
What do you think? Can you masturbate without lusting? If so, does it matter?
In the cases of those exception couples where they’re far away, rather than fantasizing about your spouse, you could find alternative ways to engage in intimacy with them, such as phone sex, using a private web chat such as Skype, or sending each-other videos of yourself on an SD card, that you could easily mail in a regular envelope. That way it’s not about the fantasy spouse, dreaming of the one you miss, you are still actually engaging in this special intimacy with that person, though in a different sense. I imagine in the case of prolonged illness one could try something similar to help, if possible.
For the longest time I didn’t know masterbating was not a sin I struggled with it thinking it’s no different from lusting but you shouldn’t put yourself in a that possition if your Type C
what if u divorced and stay alone and have a kid and to old to date or broke, what do u do to get relief
I’ve been dealing with this frustration. My husband wont have sex, insists he likes the way I look, refuses to talk about it, refuses to see a counaelor, refuses to see a dr, and refuses to continue going to a men’s group for pornography addiction. He is also addicted to alcohol and smokeless tobacco. Technically I could divorce him because of the porn, but he says he isn’t doing it anymore. I don’t know how he could not be doing it and also not having sex. I havent had sex in months. I’m going crazy. I used to masturbate but then I thought God says it’s bad. I don’t really know how to fantasize during it. I guess I’d be in the type B class, but I don’t want to do something to hurt my marriage and God, but all I do is resent my husband for my frustration. It’s not my fault he refuses help no matter how supportive I’ve been. I’m at wits end. Counseling for just me doesn’t make it better. I’m tired of his selfishness, addiction, and disrespect. To the point where I don’t know that I can be kind the way God wants anymore. People think I’m a pillar of forgiveness with him and he even said that was the thing he loved most about me. I can’t keep living this way. What is the right thing to do by God?
Well, I think we have a completely unbiblical idea that love and forgiveness mean that we can’t have boundaries, when in fact Jesus TELLS us to “treat him as a pagan” when a person refuses to repent. God doesn’t intend for us to be abused and mistreated in the name of forgiveness. Forgiveness is what we do do release the other person, not control their choices or behaviors. When they continue to make unhealthy choices, we have to allow that person to have the consequences of those choices. When we continue to protect them from those consequences, we end up crazy ourselves. And I truly, truly believe that God’s will for us is freedom and life and life in abundance, not slavery to someone else’s sin.
I recently wrote a book called Debuking the Myths of Forgive-and-Forget which addresses some of the problems we have with forgiveness. You might want to give that a read and let me know what you think.
Here and here are a couple of articles on boundaries, and you might also appreciate Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Blessings, Kay
So I have been struggeling with this for a while. I am a new Christian of almost 2 years and God has been doing a number on me to prepare me for my place in his will. And I am greatful for that. Infact I take joy and thank him for it almost every day. I felt compelled to reply to this because I know what struggeling with this is like and I want to know the truth. After seeking wise counsel I was shown the error in my thinking and I want to share it because I dont want people, espically Christians to struggle with this or be confused or be left in the dark following something they believe to be true. As Christians we believe that the bible is the word of God, and should be read non objectively to keep its teachings true. It is very clear in the bible about God’s stance on sexual immortality. Im guessing that we have all heard that somewhere or another otherwise why would we be here. I am no expert by any means but from the research I have done and have been shown by wise people in my life it has been made clear that I was mistaken in believing this post. I know from my own soul searching I was trying to justify my addiction to pleasure by finding articles that agreed with my hope that I could continue to sin bit find a way to think it is ok. And I was very wrong.In Romans 12:1 (NLT) it says “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give up your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice- the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him” It continues with talking about how we shouldn’t copy the behavior of the world, that we shouldnt think we are better than others, to use our gifts that God has given us and finally it talks about praying for our enemies. So if anyone reading this feels betrayed I encourage you to forgive them just as God has forgiven you and to show love in all things we do.
In Galatians 5:16 (NLT) it says “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves”. It continues that our sinful nature wants to do evil and satisfy out fleshly cravings. And the spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of our sinful nature. In verse 19-23, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. There is no law against these things!”.
The next 2 passages are from Ephesians. First is Ephesians 2:3(NLT) “All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to Gods anger, just like everyone else. It continues in verse 4-5, “But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)”
Ephesians 5:3(NLT), “Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.”
The final passage, I was shared, was Romans 13:12-14(NLT),”The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living. Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t prticipate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in on sexual promiscuity and immotal living, or in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires”
One of the biggest pursuits in our walk with Christ is to understand God’s character along with being reflections of Christ. It is pretty clear what the bible says about indulgence of sexually immoral behavior. My point of writing this is that we are one body in Christ and we all desire to go to heaven, but the world will try to fill out our heads with false teachings to cause us to stray. I would like to encourage you to research these scripture yourself and see if God speaks the same truths to you as he did to me. Follow the scripture without compromising it. And b a loving light to all who see you. I pray that any who read this will take it to heart. My final word, know that even tho we may have been mistaken that we serve a God that will forgive us when we come to him with a repentant heart. I encourage you to do so. And the same power that created our universe loves you so much that he had you in mind at the begining of time and he sent his son to die for you and for all of us so that we may have life with him. And that same power that rose Jesus from the grave and created everything is at work in your life. Trust him and he will open the flood gates for you. Pray for wisdom brothers and sisters. I love you all :)
Jon Moriconi. God bless your heart! I was on the verge of masturbating without lust. I am walking with the Lord and constantly asking Him for help whenever I was about to fail. Your wisdom given by God made it clear to not focus on myself but on Him who died and rose again. Your reply saved me from failing again. May God use you more!
So is masturbation while looking at pornography a sin?
Coming from the perspective of a female and one who has masturbated in the past, its lust that draws a person to masturbate. The door/spirit of lust is opened and released when a person masturbates. Although it may seem harmless, the person is drawn because of the lust. I have been celibate for some years, and I masturbated for 5 or 6 years thinking that I hadn’t sinned because I wasn’t having sex with anyone else, but I was grieving the holy spirit and sinning against God in doing this. But I have been free for a year and a half. I prayed and used my authority in the name of Jesus, because it became a stronghold. All of those who are struggling can too be free if they want it bad enough! When we do this and HAVE A MATE, it makes that person feel they are not good enough. Give it to God in prayer, He is the one who can heal, deliver and set free.
I am a 36 year old christian married man who has struggled with a porn addiction since the age of 14. I never even flirted with the idea of cheating. My struggle with my addiction has destroyed our sex life. I will go years without viewing porn, and we will go month without sex. I have always found my wife extremely attractive, and would never dream of turning her down, but all most all ways get turned down myself. I’m usually to afraid of rejection to even try. There Is no way she would ever send me images or have phone sex with me, or anything of the sort. Is it wrong for me to masturbate while fantasizing about past experiences with her?
Hy,
I have a question to.I am a born again unmarried christian.I entered in christianity with my life of masturbation(Been doing IT from childhood – raised in a home with divorced parents).For a time i was to imature,and didin’t realise IT was distroying me.Since i became a christian i suceeded kicking porn,but remained with the masturbation.Kind of tip B.Then came the Day God spoke to me about IT.I took the decision to stop.And i stoped,for over 2 and a half years i didin’t masturbate at all.But the desire to do it is still there.Sometimes i found my hands on my penis in the morning when i wake up,i continue to massage until i feal is close to ejaculate and then i stop.IT is almost like masturbation,and after i fel a great shame and repent,but the desire comes Back almost in every morning.And i am sick of this type of living.How can I gain control even over this?And how can i become mature in this area?
Thank You for your understanding.
The reason type C can’t become type B is social awareness and the previous “victims” of masturbation and we define “victims” how? What can we learn about those that have never masturbated? Well rounded?
This is not I Mastrabated with porn from the age 12 to 18 and I and was able to break the chains to lust and pornography and now I do only physically. I go into a primal like state mind clear only focused on my body and the release of energy.
Hello, I’m fairly recent to christianity and I’m struggling with masturbation, I feel like it’s tormenting me. I’m married and my wife knows and doesn’t mind.. she probably thinks it’s harmless, but she isn’t really a devote Christian (this does sadden me)
I want to stop, I truly do for god. However the feeling to do so is so overpowering to me and I knowingly do it and feel pure guilt immediately after but somehow repeat my actions,I don’t feel like I’m in control sometimes.
I’m for sure type c which I feel even worse about, I would like to get to type b then stop completely! I’ve gone for 3 weeks not doing so then some how been re-triggered again and sinned. It’s getting to a point now where I feel like the Lord is hardening me as I’m forsakened and unforgivable on the day of judgement. I do also sometimes wonder whether it’s the devil trying to temp me. I have a very regrettable past prior to finding the lord with a lot of fornication with lots of women and I try to forgive myself reading that the Lords word and thinking he has always known me and knows my full story from start to finish so perhaps I’m not forsaken..but I feel I have a very long way to go to reconcile and not enough time to do it
Please any advice would be greatly recieved
My husband and I have been married for 3 years, last year I recently found out he would masterbate. I asked ” what is it that you do it too” and he just gave me an I don’t know response.should I be upset?
Hello, Lila – he owes you an honest answer. “I don’t know” isn’t being honest and that would be a basis for being upset.
Corinthians 7:9, “If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (ESV).
Came to this article for Exceptions not that the Bible would be have Updated amendments in them but, to marry is to only cease ones self from the temptations of passion (lust) how I interpret this, if I am deployed and cannot connect with my wife this, also all the communications ways that are mention for no way to reach the outside world from middle of the ocean, would it be acceptable to do so to stop yourself from possibly falling into the trap of adultery, If lust is so powerful scripture advises us to opt out basically and commit to a single person then how am else am I to control myself when away from My spouse
The cautions about a “fantasy wife” are well-taken. I believe that masturbating while basically reliving past sexual actual activity that you have had with your wife is fine. In fact, if we overcomel lust and refuse to commit adultery in our hearts, doing this will not lead to the progressive spiral of sin that lust always carries with it.
To Melb go to witministries.com
I masturbate with sex toys and think of my recently deceased husband. I do NOT think there is anything wrong with what I do. God made us sexual beings for a reason. On more than one occasion I have thanked God for making every part of me while I am pleasuring myself. I wish my husband had not died and was still here for us to ‘be one flesh’ in sexual union, but since he is not and I still have the needs/wants, I choose to masturbate rather than have sex with another man.
You may want to read our advice to a widower in a similar situation.
Funny, you think simply masturbating about others including your husband means its fine? Just because you don’t have sex with any other person means its fine to masturbate to others? You know best whether you had masturbated to others or not. If anything, you just deceived yourself that your not in the wrong by simply saying that you thanked God for making your sexual organs and feelings.You yourself know its because you couldn’t control your lust and even got overwhelmed by it. You say you thank God, if God said that masturbation was a sin.
I like to see you say those empty words of yours again. Theres nothing wrong with feeling lust, its what you do with those feelings of lust :) Would you continue to go and fantasize about other man I wonder? Like you said, these bodies of ours were created by God we had never any right to use it for our own personal pleasures and satisfactions.
My wife suggests I masterbate because she does not like sex. Do I sin if I masterbate? I would like to start, I feel I am a B masterbater.
Hi David, I think you’ve got a different problem–as a counselor, I’d say the real problem to understand is why your wife doesn’t like sex. Our sexuality is such an important part of ourselves. When I hear someone say they don’t like sex, that to me sounds like “I don’t like eating”–our physical appetites are part of God’s good gifts to us. So, if she’s dealing with some kind of sexual dysfunction, that would be helpful to know. Another possibility is that you guys haven’t figured out how to make sex good for her, which could be an educational issue for you both. Another possibility is that the emotional bond in your marriage is not strong, so your wife prefers not to express a sexual closeness that’s incongruent to the emotional reality. Another possibility is fallout from purity/shame culture around sex, where women are taught that they aren’t supposed to be sexual, then there’s a magical switch that’s supposed to flip after marriage so it’s all good. There are lots of reasons she might not be enjoying sex. You masturbating is not going to solve that problem! It might make you feel better, but it’s not going to do anything for her. And a good marriage is about meeting the needs of BOTH partners, in every area, including sexuality.
So, I’d say this: find a counselor who has some experience in helping couples and individuals with their sexuality. Try to figure out what’s really going on, and solve the real problem.
Best to you both, Kay
I will say what I have to say as clearly and as delicately as I can.. For one lets reflect on a few scriptures. 13Therefore let us stop judging one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. 14 I am convinced and fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15 If your brother is distressed by what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother, for whom Christ died.…
…21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything to cause your brother to stumble. 22 Keep your belief about such matters between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But the one who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that is not from faith is sin.…
This reference can also be regarded in the terms of masturbation, some believe this act as to be immoral because of the pleasure involved. Some see it as a release from the sexual tension of the sexual gift given and as a responsible release that is within the boundaries of Gods will.
4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One man regards a certain day above the others, while someone else considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.
This is not rationalizing nor compromising my convictions I would stand trial for my beliefs on this matter but I will keep my stance as sacred between myself God and for my future wife.
James 1:5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But he must ask in faith, without doubting, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.…
This is a doctrine we are not to debate doctrine. and you have no need someone teach you for you have an unction from the holy one.
Titus 3:8 This saying is trustworthy. And I want you to emphasize these things, so that those who have believed God will take care to devote themselves to good deeds. These things are excellent and profitable for the people. 9 But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, arguments, and quarrels about the Law, because these things are pointless and worthless. 10 Reject a divisive man after a first and second admonition,… (arguments being the key subject word in this discussion.
Remember also that nothing in itself is sin that includes pleasure the pleasure condemned in scripture are sinful pleasure such as causing conflict, pride, self seeking sinful lusting, greed which is a form of idolatry. Be convinced through your own personal relationship with God pray for the peace of God and for wisdom from God in this and every area if you struggle to give up something then pray for wisdom and believe that you have what you ask for it is of a promise God will not find fault in your asking… and seek counsel through other like minded believers. God bless you all and my God keep you unblameable before Him in Love.
You’re not alone. I hate that my husband is gone.
I like the unbrainwashed perspective. Sadly most of the scriptures mentioned are taken out of context and twisted. There is no scripture that truly speaks to self pleasure. And if there is one thing I know that God is very specific in his teachings. I don’t believe one should fantasize about others but to simply release the tension should not be a problem. My husband and I know of eachothers doing so and we are both ok with it. We have sex too but sometimes it’s not practical. Like if my husband wants it but doesn’t want to wake me up. The use of porn is bad for many reasons. I think of Noone and nothing when I do.
Hey, so I’ve been struggling with lusting while masturbating. And I realize this post talks a lot about after marriage and stuff, but as a teen I really don’t know what to do to stop as I obviously can’t marry… also is it really a sin? From the way I see it, it is a way to release physically and mentally so that you don’t go and actually do what you fantasize about in real life. Another issue is that the Bible was written long ago, way before society deemed that one should only marry after 18. When the Bible was written it was socially and Biblically acceptable to marry after they hit puberty (13 for men and 12 for women roughly according to the Bible). So back then there was next to no reason for masterbation since the instant you began to lust you were technically already able to marry and fulfill that lustting in a wholesome manner.
Good thoughts, Josiah. You hit on some really good points. There’s actually quite a wide range of thoughts among Christians as to whether masturbation is a sin. Here’s an article you might want to look at. Even Dr. James Dobson, just about the most conservative Christian author I can think of, wrote that masturbation is normal. Thanks for speaking up! Kay
I feel the same it keeps me from having sex with men .i know it’s probably wrong but I don’t watch porn or have lustful thoughts .
What if you masturbate without lust , you just do it for biological concerns, like what they said masturbation can help us physically healthy, and sometimes escape from anxiety and stress? In other words it is occasional, it is seldom. Just to free yourself from so much stress.
Is it a sin? Yes or No?
Doug Weiss would say that there are men who masturbation in a fashion that doesn’t have any fantasy at all. It feels to them like a biological process. They aren’t detached in their minds, let it wander to lustful imaginations. They are focused only on the physical sensation. Since this isn’t lust, it should not be labeled as a lustful sin.
However, there are other factors to consider as well. If you are married, you do not own your sexuality. Your wife does. As such, if she isn’t privy to and supportive of you masturbating, then it should be off limits. If you are single, you should also consider how masturbation (the non-lustful variety) might impact your future sex life.
You should also beware of self-deception. I know many men who tried to masturbate without lusting, finding it impossible to do because of years of lustful associations with masturbation. They might start in a non-lustful state of mind, but they always have to lust in order to climax.
Finally, be aware that there are other physical and mental methods of relieving stress and tension in the body. There are healthy habits that can enrich your life and tap into the same neurochemical pathways that masturbation does.
I don’t think it is because it is a natural bodily discharge such as the need to go to the comfort room. When the Church tells us that it is a sin, I understand it is because it does not differentiate between type b and type b. For the Church masturbation involves necessarily lust . Please tell me if I am wrong.
Masterbation may not be choice as is it is for Women. Women masterbate stress related reasons, but not really for physical. Prostate disease or prostate related problems will need men to possibly masturbate more frequently. Masterbation is not a sin, lust is. Images, stories such as in Literotica may not be sin by itself, but the lust is. It is the trigger to sin not necessarily the medium. Some women masturbate after reading a sexy novel, or watching the Bachelor. Prime time tv or books are not porn, but lust is being triggered in some. My point is that it is the lust. Lust can be triggered by anything, your spouses brother or sister, co worker. Imaginary person or storyline. Etc.
For those men who have wives that are tired etc, try masturbating with them naked or half naked and get close and touch etc. They can be part of it without really doing the “work”. Also, like Literotica…,write your own story starring your wife. I’m sure one should be careful on what is written, but start with past experiences.
Try filming modelling show, starring guess who. You would be surprised how many sexy outfits she will want to try on.
Encourage her to do selfies. They all like doing them anyway.
In the end you will have a great collection far greater than any porn or Literotica collection and you will masterbating without sin.
Jeff,
So basically your making a porn collection of your wife. That’s the dumbest unproductive thing I’ve ever heard of. How do o know? I’ve tried it when first coping to my addiction. “that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.” 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5
So where is the self control in your thought process and actions? When overcoming lust and an addiction to pornography, you don’t substitute your pornography with pornography of your spouse. That’s like using smokeless Tobacco to quit smoking. The problem is not the tobacco, it’s the nicotine. Same with porn. Porns not the issue. Lust is. Porn, no matter what form, is the outlet. Christ was clear in his teaching in Matthew 5:27-28. He said “if ANYONE looks at A WOMEN lustfully, he has committed adultery in his heart.” He didn’t say if a MARRIED man looks at ANOTHER WOMEN other than his wife. Luke hit the nail on the head when he said your lusting after the fantasy wife you’ve created not your real wife.
Novels are pornography according to the bible. Greek word porniagraphos means pornia is prostitute and graphos is to write. The Greek word in the bible literally means to write about prostitutes. They had no tv’s and cameras in those times so pornography is so much more than what the modern church teaches today.
No doubt. The first items labeled “pornography” in the English language were not just photos but writings as well.
the biggest problem with the first reply is that you did nkt define what exactely lust is.
I have lusted and masturbated for many years now seeing the movies where they show actress body generously and have fallen prey to this bad habit. I believe in God and any suggestion would be more than welcomed. Thanks
The First Things blog had a great article on masturbation by CS Lewis.
I used to by into the “need” to masturbate. I found that I used the “need” as an excuse to indulge in a very self-centered act, whether to fantasy or not. The idea that a man has to masturbate is a myth. If you have been masturbating a lot, then you will have chemical, emotional, and physical withdrawal which will make it feel like you “need” to do it. I myself have gone over six months without masturbating or sex and I know guys who are over 2 & 3 years. It is possible with knowledge and a support network of guys to talk to.
I would also say that masturbating to deal with stress and anxiety is a bad idea. That is what alcoholics do with drinking, they deaden their emotions. It is a dangerous and slippery slope that I have been way down. It is better to develop good coping skills and a good community to help you deal with the stress and anxiety and a godly way.
Thank you! This is the hardest addiction I have ever had to break. I have endulged in meth, Marijuana, alcohol, pills, cigarettes, etc and I could be the first to tell you, this is the hardest addiction I have ever had to try to break. Glory to God, there is always a way out. Thank you brother.
Interesting. No clear cut Biblical answer. Sin ? Depends primarily on situation. Absolutely no sexual outlet available ? Deep inside your heart what do you think ? Going to hell ? I would ”guess” (probably not good idea to guess, but) no. Repent. Make progress towards “adjusting” lifestyle. We are not Jesus. We sin. Again ….. It’s a situational question. I won’t even go into the triad of human biology …. Food, sleep, and yes, sex.
Thank you for sharing this comment. Ive been waiting for a comment like this, and it really encouraged me. Keep up the good work and God bless.
“Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” Your line of thinking is the same that argues that faith can exist outside of action, i.e. “works” (BTW works means works of the Law – mosaic law). In the same way gluttony is a disordered act regardless of what you are thinking. My boss takes this argument further when he gawks at women and states “it’s not a sin if you don’t lust after them” WTH is he doing then? What he is really saying is that because he doesn’t fantasize sexual acts he is not lusting. And somehow Catholics are legalistic? WOW WOW WOW!!!!
I’m not quite following you. What part of this are you critiquing, since there are a variety of viewed presented here?
What are you talking about?
Well, first and foremost without getting into too much detail the very presentation of Weiss’ book as though it was respectable Christian literature.
So is the quote you mentioned from Weiss’ book?
AMEN BROTHER!
If you are watching and participating in a workout video and the instructor is opposite sex and during the workout you “slightly, unconsciously” feel passing thoughts of lust towards her and AFTER the workout you perform type B masturbation what are your thoughts on this? Are you going to send me an email to answer me please? thanks
I can reply to you right here, Nicolas.
In short, I think there can be problems with both Type B and Type C masturbation, but for slightly different reasons. Type C masturbation is, of course, intimately tied to lust and is therefore sinful. Type B masturbation, however, can be something that even young children do (of course, without ejaculation), which isn’t in and of itself sinful, though it can lead to patterns of behavior that are. Type B masturbation becomes a problem when it is a clear replacement for either healthy sexuality or even spiritual devotion.
More to your example, I would say that first the person really needs to examine their heart when it comes to motives. Maybe Type C people, in an effort to justify themselves, will claim they are engaging in Type B masturbation just because they keep their mind free of images of specific people, but if they are honest, they will say that they masturbation in direct response to lust throughout the day. Their mind is still engaged in fantasy of some sort, perhaps thinking about the act of sex, and this is not Type B. This is Type C.
Second, if a person shared this scenario with me, I would tell them to fight their lust tooth and nail and consider that possibly the masturbation is a byproduct of that unmortified lust.
Protestantism goes hand in hand (no pun intended) with Relativism. Did you know that around 100 years ago that Roman Catholicism and every major Christian denomination considered contraception a sin. Today, Catholicism is the only one that has not budged on this issue. Even John Belushi of Saturday Night Live knew masturbation is a disordered act when he did the “Buzz Buzz” skit back in the 70’s. You don’t see them doing skits on prayer and penance. True Christianity that Jesus taught was to deny yourself. He showed this by fasting for 40 days. I am amazed that people who call themselves Christian have been so immersed in this oversexed culture that think that their balls will fall off if they don’t stimulate them. If you still don’t get it let me state clearly that Masturbation is a very selfish act of pleasure seeking. It is using the faculties of sexual reproduction outside of the context of sexual reproduction. Another example of this is gluttony where a person eats not for sustenance but for pleasure. “Deny yourself and pick up your cross.” Jesus goes even further and states that we will be judged for every idle word i.e. every word that does not benefit someone else. How is your self pleasuring benefiting anyone. BTW the word masturbation is derived form the word “slavery”. Get a grip (no pun intended) and find out what pleases God not yourself. The next time you choke your chicken and you get that nagging guilty feeling that is your conscience. My mother was not a church goer and she even knew this was wrong and she sure let me know it. Shame Shame Shame!
You’ve stated a lot here that doesn’t have to do with the subject of this post, so I’m not sure how much I should reply to. I’ll be purposefully selective so we can stay on topic.
1. I don’t at all disagree with you that masturbation is rooted in a desire for self-pleasure, but I also don’t believe that the self-denial promoted in the New Testament is a rejection of all pleasure. I could say a lot more about this, but I don’t want to misunderstand where you are coming from on this. Are you saying that to eat with the motive “I like the taste of this food” is wrong? Is is sinful to walk outside with the intention of “I like the look of sunsets”? Is is sinful to buy a mattress with the thought, “This one feels softer than the other one”? All of these are choices made primarily for the purpose of physical pleasure. Are those sinful motives?
2. To be clear, I believe a habit of masturbation is a real problem, something that can easily train men to seek out solo-sex as the primary purpose of their sexuality, and this is against God’s design. I’m just not prepared to say that all Type B masturbation is sinful is because even children as young as 5 are known to masturbate, but not connected to any lustful actions, nor even with a fantasy experience that is connected to sexual desire. Since the Bible doesn’t categorically come out against such actions, I don’t think its wise to attach the label sin to something God didn’t.
Why dont you get your own blog. You lost me completely with ypur “What the Hell” acronym. Work on your own piety before trying to hijack someone elses ministry.
Your comment on contraception is categorically untrue. Several Presbyterian denominations have been steadfast in their denouncing of contraception.
Gosh. Isn’t eating chocolate cake for most a form of pleasure seeking. And how about gluttony? No Christians ever talk about that?
Children do a lot of things such as eat garbage of the floor. Although the child, because he doesn’t know better is not culpable we are responsible to discourage bad behavior. Although you hit the nail on the head (no pun intended) in regards to intention and accountability we are talking about adults here who know better. Somehow you broad brush connect the dots and erroneously rationalize that if garbage eating off the floor is ok for kids its ok for adults. Secondly, you missed the point on pleasure. I never said pleasure was bad. Somehow you broad brush connect the dots and erroneously rationalize that because what I meant was Jesus never experienced pleasure. That believe I was very clear on pleasure is good in the right context i.e. enjoying food, enjoying sex, enjoying a sunset. How did you miss that one. It is when we seek pleasure for ourselves it is bad. God teaches us to seek other people’s benefit before ourselves. By doing that we will experience pleasure. Keeping it simple, for example, when we help someone we can find personal pleasure. When we nourish ourselves we enjoy it. When we get a good night’s sleep we enjoy it. A glass of cold water is refreshing. When we procreate as God taught we enjoy it. When we sleep all day when we slept all night we are sinning. When we eat more too much we are sinning. When we seek sexual pleasure outside the context of procreation we are sinning. I don’t think you got it the first time but this is why I started with the comments on contraception being considered evil about a hundred years ago by every major denomination and now most Protestants think it ok. Next on the list is homosexuality.
Thanks for clarifying your earlier statements. Like I said, I didn’t want to misunderstand you. Somehow you got the idea that I was erroneously broad brushing your comments, even when I said that’s the very thing I didn’t want to do, which is why I asked you to clarify. No need to accuse me of something when I’m merely asking for you to make your position clear. Thanks for doing that.
If I understand you rightly, you are making a distinction between the act of masturbation and the motives behind the act, which is exactly what I’m doing. As you said, “because [the child] doesn’t know better” when he masturbates, he isn’t culpable. I agree 100%. His motives are totally different than an adult’s motives. What I’m saying is that if the act of masturbation isn’t sinful apart from sinful motives, then we need to look the variety of motives for masturbating and address those specifically (which is what the article is attempting to do).
What I hear you saying is that any adult who masturbates has a sinful motive, which is similar to what I stated in the article. I wrote, “What habits are you creating by repeated Type B masturbation? Are you becoming mastered by this habit (see 1 Corinthians 6:12)? If so, you might be reinforcing a false belief that your body is simply your own. Your body is for the Lord (6:13)—and your wife if you are married. ‘You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body’ (6:19b-20).” The whole point is to say even if you masturbation does not involve lust, it might involve another sin. As far as I can see, we agree on this.
Now, speaking to whether sexual pleasure outside the context of procreation is sinful, I’ll have to ask you to elaborate further. I’ve not heard you argue for why you think God has stated this, but I’d love to know why you think that.
Let me put a finer point on it to steer our discussion. If on a given instance, right after a woman’s period, her husband has sex with her knowing that she isn’t ovulating, but they don’t use contraceptive devices, are they sinning because they are seeking sexual pleasure believing she isn’t fertile? Are you saying any time a couple has sex with the knowledge that the woman isn’t likely fertile, they are sinning? If a man has sex with his wife who has gone through menopause, and he does so believing they won’t have children, they sinning? If a woman has to have a surgical procedure that renders her infertile but she still chooses to have sex with her husband, are they sinning?
I’m asking because I want to understand your position. What statements in God’s revealed will informs your thoughts on these questions?
I understand Luke completely. He’s saying that everybody including children are subjected to masturbating. Children do touch their self but doesnt know why its there or what it is. But sometimes they do feel pleasure which is why they continue touching. Just like when kids rub their ears or do other things pleasurable with their body. Not because their sinning but cuz it feels good. As humans, we live in a world where we want to he be happy and do exciting things to get fulfillment within ourselves. Masturbation is nothing but a high endorphin of chemicals that are released from excitement. It has nothing to do with lust. Lusting is looking at someone and wanting their body in a sexual way. You CAN touch your own self without doing so.
Thank you
John,
Hi. I was raised in a devout LDS (Mormon) background. And it’s no secret that Mormons love large families.
Given that fact, however, I do need to set you and all my other Catholic friends straight with regards to a couple scriptural and doctrinal errors you made in your above posts:
1. Nowhere in the Bible is contraception, natural or artificial, forbidden, either explicitly or implicitly.
What the Bible DOES say is to, “Be fruitful and multiply.” The BIble days nothing about the spacing or number of children married spouses have. Nor does the Bible say that having kids is supposed to inflict unbearable burdens upon families, especially to the detriment of individual family members.
2. Nowhere in the BIble is masturbation WITHOUT LUST and NOT TO EXCESS forbidden.
Masturbation doesn’t have to include the lust/pornography/impure fantasy element.
3. It sounds like your mother had some Biblically unjustifiable opinions on the above topic– and dealt with you quite harshly because of it.
I wish women with these types of personal sentiments about masturbation could walk a mile in a young man’s shoes, given that the age of puberty begins so much younger, now, and that for many people, college education and starting one’s career make it necessary to delay marriage until around age 30. For these people and some others, masturbation can be a valuable practice for eliminating the temptation to commit fornication or adultery and reducing disruptive physical symptoms of sexual need.
“What we have here is failure…to communicate.”
Leve it simply put at this: Sexual activity outside of the confines of the marital act, unobstructed from procreation, between a husband and wife, with full consent from both parties is morally wrong. BLACK AD WHITE issues here people. Do not be swayed in to believing this posteblightenment hog wash. You can rationalize cutting your own mother’s throat if you just keep explaining away the circumstances.
The power to procreate is a power not given to the angels, which was the reason for the revolt in heaven, yet here we sit with a jar of Vaseline to our right, a towel at our feet and the bible on the shelf. Sin is sin, it is only “not” sin when we listen to the one who tempts, “he was a liar and murderer from the beginning”.
People need to learn to think with their brains and not their hearts, be logical and rational, it’s really not that difficult.
Hey Marcus, thanks for joining the discussion.
1. I’d love to know where you get the whole story about angels revolting because they couldn’t procreate. Really, that sounds interesting.
2. In the post I talk about the sinful motives that can be attached to masturbation, even when “lust” is not the prime motivator. Personally, I think masturbation is a terribly unwise habit to get into, regardless of the specific motives, because it divorces one’s sexuality from the act of marital intimacy. It trains the mind to get accustomed to solo-sex.
The purpose of the post was merely to highlight some of the themes of Dr. Weiss’ book and ask people to comment (which they gladly have), not to provide an endorsement of everything he wrote about.
Masturbation is not procreation.
You are correct and the motives vs the actions. The problem is that this book suggests that an adult can make a decision to masturbate without bad motives? The only one’s who are exempt from accountability are babies and the mentality retarded. Your nuts aren’t going to shrivel up because you don’t stimulate them. I am talking from experience here and used to be a slave to masturbation. I can tell you from experience that those who struggle with this have not learned the concept of chastity of the eyes. Think of your body as a stove pot and every time you see or think of a sensual image the temperature goes up. Eventually you are going to boil over. My old boss shared how he spent all day with this hot colleague and at the end of the day his nuts ached. If a person doesn’t realize that his very taking in of his sensual senses is a sin then he will rationalize that reliving his aching balls isn’t a sin either. The problem is sin caused the aching balls. Unfortunately I know these games all too well. As an evangelical I used to rationalize to myself that I did not commit a major sin if I did not ejaculate. Bottom line is that someone who is trying to rationalize that masturbating is not crossing the line has already crossed the line with his eyes. Our eyes are hard wired to our genitals.
John,
Actually, not true.
A guy can get “blue balls,” prostatic congestion and swelling, and painful pubococcigeous (internal pelvic) muscles from the lack of sexual release. This is what is called ambient sexual desire, or libido.
Pubescent and older males experience this, to varying degrees, without visual, mental, etc, arousal having triggered it.
When you shut down your eyes to sensuality as Job did you will not have any desire whatsoever to masturbate. I have an image here of a weak evangelical “I’m struggling brother” That is evangelical “speak” for I don’t have chastity of my eyes and I am about to boil over. He isn’t struggling. He has already surrendered his eyes to sin. I have many friends and colleagues who consider themselves good faithful Christians, but when we are having lunch at a restaurant they cannot (even in my presence) stop checking every beautiful woman who passes by. I believe a lot of this has to do with our oversexed society (viagra for 70 year old people, plastic surgery, etc.). People get married for sex and when that doesn’t fulfill them the marriage crumbles. It is all about modesty. Modesty of the eyes and modesty in dress. A person who dresses immodestly is guilty of causing someone else’s lust (boiling over). Don’t kid yourself, lust is not a specific fantasize you create in your mind. It is a hunger like your stomach growling. If you purposely allow yourself to see certain things and you feel a little tingle in your genitals that’s lust (even if just a very small level). From experience I know that most so called Christians have no convictions concerning sun bathing or two piece swim suits. There is no way any red blooded young man is going to get out of that party without falling. “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” If you got the hunger then you have lust. My stomach hunger is good in any context. My sexual hunger needs to be in the context of the marriage bed. Outside of that it is lust.
John King….. You are truly a man of God and it is crystal clear and very evident that you have done a ton of recovery work around YOU and these issues… I am married to a sex addict and as a woman, the feelings of objectification is most often present.. Addicts in general look for an out always.. they look to justify everything! The responses I read of Luke’s on behalf of Covenant Eyes is grieving and nauseating to say the least.. You lay things out so simply, yet nail this issue in a way I have NEVER seen or heard biblically.. I pray that you would continue to be a voice of purity in this wilderness to bring conviction– with NO compromise. I have worked in the area of addiction since 1994 and every addict will look to justify the “Whys” of their behaviour.. You are the real deal.. I wished more men in the church lived out your words / God’s word without the justifying.. the compromising, and outright resistance to the purity of what and how God desires for each of us to live…Marriages and relationships would flourish, they would be stronger, be more intimate, last longer and would feel a lot safer. You are such a blessing ..You do not leave any wiggle room for compromise and I LOVE THAT!..God loves that!! After reading your responses I could not help but wonder how many men in the body of Christ really consider their bodies as temples.. and not their own..Please do not let the Luke’s of this world silence you. You are an amazing man.. You are truly the voice of God. Thank you… Thank you… Thank you.
Ambient sexual desire is not lust.
Ambient sexual desire can be experienced when the mind is far away from anything sexual and occurs due to physiological reasons.
hi,
ive been with my gf now for 4 years but up until now ive been a consant “type c” masterbater but i only think about her. reading the bible it says not to lust so after reading that i did masterbate that night and i was full of guilt so i havent masterbated since but its causing sexual frustrations. so were not married and live far away (but i plan on poping the question in a year or two) should i be allowed to masterbate if i only think of her only? also, ofc were all going to lust. were human and just flesh and bone. type a men although never masterbated must of atleast lusted about a femal (thinking shes hot) so we all sin and god forgives all sin through jesus but ut says to not constantly keep doing the same sin like masterbating… does this change anything?
Hi Steven,
Good question. Masturbating while fantasizing about a woman who is not your wife is lust and is condemned by the Bible. Yes, for the Christian, all sin is covered by the blood of Christ, so lust is most certainly forgivable, but the promise of God’s forgiveness is never used in the Bible as an endorsement of sin or an encouragement to sin. The reason is Jesus doesn’t just set us free from the guilt of sin. He also sets us free from the grip of sin. In fact, Paul addresses this exact principle in Romans 6 (I encourage you to read it). In this chapter, he says we don’t keep sinning so God can pour out more grace on us. Rather, we live believing that we are united to the Spirit of the risen Christ, believing that Christ shares his resurrection power with us, believing that this means we are no longer slaves to sin (like we were before Christ), but we are free to live a righteous life.
If we believe Christ for our salvation, we must trust him for all of our salvation, not just forgiveness. Salvation from sin means not just salvation from the shame and guilt of sin, but salvation from sin’s power in our lives.
Prostate cancer runs in my family, Now in my 60’s my wife of 41 yrs cannot have sex due to pysical difficulties. I have noticed my urine stream slowing down. I read thar masturbating 3 times per week would improve the stream and promote prostae health by a medical proffesional. The urine stream is now better. I do not fanasize. Your comments would be appreciated.
That’s a good question, Larry. I do think this issue is a matter of conscience, and in this case I would say you are not sinning, but I would also ask others you trust about this to get their perspective.
To Larry K,
Perfectly ok to do it! See my other posts.
Do continue to see your urologist frequently.
My wife has not had sex with me for over 12 years. I Masturbate thinking of the time when we did have sex. We are both in our late sixties. My wife had a hysterectomy and no longer wants sex or wants to engage in sex. We have never discussed my masturbating, which is only about twice a year. I call it revealing sexual frustration. What type is this and am i wrong for what I do???
As the article says, this would be Type C. The article’s comments about lusting after your wife are pertinent here.
I think it is important to recognize the Bible doesn’t approach these matters in terms of only right and wrong. The Bible also sees actions as wise and unwise. I actually had a conversation with widower last year who masturbated to memories of his wife. That discussion might benefit you greatly. You can read it here. Both the article and the comments are relevant.
I am a 36 year old married mother! I got married when I was 21 to my husband who was 35 then. He is now fifty years old and me 36. We have two beautiful children together and both
Love God. Just in the few past years my husband has stopped showing me affection and we have sex maybe twice a month. For me being in my prime of life this has been very difficult. He has to take medication to have an erection. I almost feel like he’s my father because the age gap seems bigger now. He is slowing down in life getting ready to retire and I’m still wanting to live. I have really been struggling with temptation and fantasizing about being with another man who I met back in June. He is younger than me and I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel so guilty but at the same time feel neglected by my husband. I really am not sure I can stay in a relationship where I ignored and not loved and neglected of my needs. I need help fast! I love my God and would never do anything to hurt my family intentionally!
Thanks for being so honest. Facing up to what’s going on before it goes any further is a really excellent thing to do!
First of all, I think our sexuality is a real part of us that needs to be honored and cared for like every other part of us. So your need for sexual intimacy with your husband is not just something to forget about. What’s more, I don’t think 50 is all that old! My husband turns 50 this year and we’re just gearing up for the empty nest and a bunch of fun stuff we couldn’t do with four kids in tow! So I’d want to be sure he gets a full physical evaluation with his doctor, to make sure there’s not a medical problem. Also, we write a bunch about the issue of erectile dysfunction here on the blog, which can be a result of pornography addiction, so I’d want to eliminate that possibility as well. In other words, he needs to make sure he’s healthy in every way, physically, emotionally, spiritually.
But here’s where I see the real problem. I think the emotional intimacy has failed in your marriage. You can have a ton of affection and enjoyment with each other, apart from sex. Sex is important, sure, but it’s not the totality of your relationship. I think if you were emotionally together in the marriage, you wouldn’t be fantasizing about this other guy. It sounds like you’ve already left in your head, and as a result, you might “unintentionally” hurt your family.
I don’t know how the emotional connection in your marriage has come undone, but I think that’s the main problem that needs to be worked on. I’d recommend counseling; the American Association of Christian Counselors is a great place to look for help in your area. I also love Dr. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. None of the principles for making marriage work is sex, by the way! Good sex is a nice bonus, not the the foundation.
A great marriage doesn’t happen by accident, or even by a good sex life. It’s a deliberate process of making good choices in many areas and turning toward the relationship every time you can. That’s another Gottman tidbit–I wrote about that in another post earlier this week. Check that stuff out, and let me know what you think.
Blessings, Kay
Hi Cayce,
Definitely have your hubby get both a full medical workup and comprehensive urological exam. There are treatments, implants, vacuum devices, etc, in addition to viagra which can help
In the mean time, it is perfectly ok for you AND your husband to masturbate.
The two of you can do it on each other or yourselves. Just no porn or adulterous fantasies.
Well, I’d say he’s addicted to the chemical rush of ejaculation–that’s the short answer. He got started doing this at some point, and now he’s got a habit and a chemical process going on and this is what it is: addiction. He may not have the intention of acting out with other women. For some men, it does escalate into acting out with other people. For others, it escalates into viewing more disturbing material, taking more time and attention, becoming unpleasant emotionally, etc. Many men find that erectile dysfunction becomes an issue as the chemical system of the body becomes depleted over time. As for what you want to do about it? I’d say you need to consider what’s healthy for you, and what boundaries you want to have around sexuality in your marriage. I don’t know if you’ve seen our free download, Hope After Porn? It’s the stories of several women and the boundaries they chose in their particular situations. Have a look and let me know what you think. Blessings, Kay
Hey,
I’m only 15 years old and have already been masturbating for 4 years. Around 2 years ago is when I started watching porn and now I’m addicted. The guilty feeling I used to feel is almost gone now and the only reason I want to stop is because I know its a sin. I’m not sure how to go about stopping. Even though I’m not supposed to buy into the belief that ‘I need to do it’, almost every time I have tried to stop I’ve failed. I know I cant do it on my own power and I need God’s but when I pray for self-control the temptation gets worse. I don’t know what to do and any suggestions would be helpful.
Thanks.
Hi Dan,
Great question. I would suggest you start seeing masturbation in a different light. Masturbation, specifically when it is driven and fueled by lustful fantasy, is the fruit of the bad tree. If we focus only on removing the fruit but not the tree, we will get exhausted picking the fruit and it will never stop growing. We need to look at the tree.
What is the tree? The tree has many branches, and each one should be taken into account. First, there is the branch of lustful fantasy. If this is a habit in your life, lusting after girls you see, meditating on images or memories of women in your mind, then this is the first habit to change. Make it a goal every day: Today I’m going to bounce my eyes and thoughts away from images and interactions that might cause me to lust. Focus on one day at a time.
Second, there is the branch of physical habits. Often guys masturbate when they get into the physical habit of playing with themselves when they get an erection. The incidental erection (which may or may not be caused by anything mentally) becomes a trigger and a reminder of the pleasure of masturbation. Have a battle plan for these moments: choose to get up and do something different at the first sign that this is your intention. If getting up isn’t an option, at least choose to not play with yourself and redirect your thoughts to something else (such as a passage of Scripture).
Third, learn how to manage failures. Chances are, even after reading this, you will still masturbate at some point. Instead of wallowing in guilt over the matter, take the matter to God in prayer, believe Christ has forgiven you, and ask God to show you where the weakness was. Again, the focus is not on the act of masturbation itself but the mental and physical habits that were going on minutes or hours before it happened.
Going even deeper, it is vital to get to the root of the problem even under these mental and physical habits. If you only do these strategies above, you are just changing your behavior, not your heart. I recommend you read this article about the Apostle Paul’s secret for fighting sexual sin.
Hey Dan, I’m in highschool as well and I used to struggle as much as you ever since I was in middle school and feel incredibly guilty. I’d watch videos of girls on this website for about two years and I struggled daily. Then I met my Gf and I knew I needed to change. I was a type c and i needed to be pure for her and our relationship. So I started by only thinking about her and stop with the website, when you can stop watching even if you need to fantasize it’s a step away from the screen at least. Then I decided to skip a day if I didn’t feel like doing so already. And once that’s been going on I decided to take the “3 day hump” 3 days without masturbation or more. It’s awful and you stay up at night but if you can abstain for 3 days you can attempt to go a full week, then maybe even more, my record has been a full month now, a baby step but I’m feeling a lot better now when I go to confessions, we’re young so we don’t have to worry about old guy problems like prostate cancer yet. It’s completely possible to control the addiction even if it’s impossible to stop completely.
And I’m finding 1 Corinthians 10:13 difficult to believe, though I believe every word in the Bible is true.
Hey Cheryl. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pain for a long time.
I wonder if you’re getting support for yourself in all this? Griefshare is a program that lots of churches offer for free or a very minimal cost. And I also like the American Association of Christian Counselors directory, which has counselors of all kinds in many places throughout the US.
I think you’re describing what a lot of us have experienced, and what research is now showing: people who are addicted to porn tend to become very self-focused and entitled. They have a hard time paying attention to anything other than the addiction after a while. A lot of times it’s because of pain in the addict’s life that he or she turns to porn so increasingly, but whatever the reason, it’s really sad and maddening to live with. And ultimately, the addict has to be responsible for him or her self in recovery.
In regards to boundaries: boundaries are not so much about the other person’s behavior, but more about our own choices. It’s answering questions like this: what is healthy, right, ethical, and desirable for me to have in my life? When someone (e.g., husband) brings something into the marriage that I don’t want (is over my boundaries) WHAT WILL I CHOOSE TO DO? I think there’s been a malicious but popular fiction in Christian circles that if we are just nice enough, pretty enough, quiet enough, cheerful enough, loving enough, whatever enough–THEN our husbands and our children will all make good choices and be nice and cheerful and loving to us in return. Unfortunately, it’s completely false and nothing will prove it false quicker than a sexual addiction. There’s nothing we can do to MAKE another person do what we want, even when what we want is right and good! Our only control is over ourselves and our choices–that’s the bottom line with boundaries.
Sometimes people will tell me, “I gave him a boundary about that”–and often that’s more of a threat than a boundary!
For the best exploration of this topic, check into Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
You might also appreciate our free download, Hope After Porn, where several women talk about the choices and boundaries that were a part of their own recovery. Some of those women chose separation as part of the recovery process.
Have a look at those things and let me know what you think! Kay
I’ve been a Christian for 12 years, I am a true Christian who does have a heart of seeking truth. However I’ve been in bondage of masterbation and ponorgraphy for 13 years. I never shared this with anyone. I masterbatwd everyone single day throughout da 13 years, at least once a day, unless I had sex with my wife. Praise God, I finally gave it up three months ago. Since early November last year I’ve never entered a porn site or masterbated again. However my wife hasn’t had sex with me since May last year. I read on internet that it might not be healthy. My wife said, she’d never have sex with me unless I lose some weight. Is this healthy? Or is it alright if I be a Type B once every three or four months?
Is it healthy for your wife to refuse sex? Yes. I wish more people would understand how harmful this is to a marriage—if not the sexless state, the attitude of repugnance.
It is best to Type B masturbate to alleviate sexual tension? I think my article covers some of the questions you need to ask yourself. I would also recommend you read this article and ask yourself if it applies to you.
Saved One,
Your wife is being unfair. You have needs, especially now since you no longer masturbate to pornography
Seek marriage counseling , and in the meantime, go ahead and satisfy your own need. Remember, NO porn or adulterous fantasies.
I have been searching the internet, mind, heart and soul over the “rules” of engagement here. My fiance and I will be getting married soon, not soon enough for my prostate. It hurts worse everyday. I was, or still may be avoiding, being a type C. My fiance knew it and also is a type C. The only time I care when she does do the type C is when I get no Type of anything and yet she is type Cing herself. I honestly didn’t care prior to this and may not now considering being born again. I am the one between us who said NO unless it was for Love (which still hasn’t happened yet. I want to make love, have sex and all the above with her. I have controlled myself from doing so until our marriage, from born again, about 3-4 months prior to now.
I was masterbating regularly and would have continued if I wasn’t scared to. I have had on a few occasions. a supernatural breech of enjoyment. One being the chair I was sitting in was kicked or hit hard while doing so. No one had been near me for a good length, meaning all by myself for sure. Another time being a sharp pain in my side being well into the act. The pain came from an outside source, feeling it stab through skin to desired painful location. Again, no one was around in any human form. So needless to say I am terrified to masterbate anymore.
Here I am looking it up now on the procedure to do it now without sin. If thats even possible. I would like to take what is being said here and the debate as means to go for it. That if one conclusion cannot be made on this, I am innocent for trying it again. If no one knows, how am I supposed to know right? Well, I can’t say what is but I can further confuse any reader and myself. I am having painful prostate problems I will be medically looking into very soon. My belly is hard as a rock and swollen. I feel bloated and pain that is growing in strength everyday. When researching this, I found that in many cases of what I could have relied on ejaculation as one diagnostic tool. Heres the thing, I am hard headed and it may have taken an act of God to stop me from type Cing myself. Two, I believe in that all good is from the Trinity, as all bad is from demons and devils etc. This includes health issues and including mental ones. So may have this been an act of the Holy Spirit then I will stop. If it is the other side, doing it to cause problems down there as it is, they could be fooling me. Fooling me into thinking its God’s will I discontinue the act of masterbation. Though it is true I did it way more than needed. I have been doing fine for months without it and began to see the world in the light. Some days harder than others but for the most part pretty easy. Easy because I am scared to, maybe. I went for it one more time after the last encounter and in mid stroke, decided to resist. I had no real purpose at that point.
Now I do have a purpose and admit to wanting to lust in the act. Otherwise to treat it as a “bodily function” I will focus more on the pain. I think, maybe if I do it fast to get the action of out of the way, it’ll be better than making it last for self pleasure. My head goes on and on but the pain is real. To be honest, I have no real want to right now. I haven’t for quite a while now and have been great. I just know what it has been to me and am afraid of one thing. Me doing it again may be such a “middle finger” to God, I would be judged then. Maybe he would turn his back on me. This is due to the last experiences being interveined by what I have mentioned above. Is it him telling me to stop before its too late?
My fantasies were worsening for my pleasure would numb. Staying in one field of pleasure would not satisfy me. This I understood is bad and the thoughts and fantasies in my head, as well as pornography, were and r bad. Another factor is I, for the most part, do not even like a penis in my fantasies. Not mine, not even in the movies I have watched. Purely lesbian and I having nothing to do with it. Its been that way for most of the time I can remember. Now, if that stems from an inner problem so be it. I have yet to be distant or w/e from my fiance when we had a healthy sexual relationship. We knew our type C time was singular time and us time was just that. I bring you to my final thought. If our focus is on God, should we not wait for his understanding on this? Should I not endure the pain and seek medical attention in the mean time? Will I have a better understanding of why I am suffering that will deepen my relationship with God? I DO BELIEVE SO! BUUUUT! Will they ask me to ejaculate into a cup at this appointment? The answer is more than likely YES! Really this is going to be hard to do. I cannot self pleasure without Type Cing otherwise its my penis I am dealing with. Again, not a big fan of it or anyone else’s. So I am in a bind, one that only the Trinity can untie. So, if all goes to plan, I will wait for either way I am in his grace.
Hi, i have a friend who is a girl. she says she masterbates to relieve stress. She says she does not think lustful thoughts while doing it, she just focuses on doing it. she says she enjoys doing it and she hinted that she might not be able to stop if she wanted to, she is not married she is just a teenager. I am wondering what are some biblical verses that address this and how you think i should present the points to her,
In a previous article, I talk some about the questions we have to ask ourselves about our masturbation habits. I suggest you read that.
I think we do ourselves and our friends a disservice when we have only one way to categorize our behavior: moral vs. immoral (right vs. wrong). The Bible gives us more than this, however. Our behaviors can also fit into the category of wise vs. unwise.
Paul brings this point out in his first letter to the Corinthians: “’All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12). Paul is saying there are things that can be considered “lawful” (i.e. not immoral), but still unhelpful or even potentially enslaving.
We might put the drinking of alcohol, for instance, into the wise/unwise category. The Bible clearly says drunkenness is immoral (Deuteronomy 21:20; Proverbs 23:29-35; Isaiah 5:11-12,22; Hosea 4:10-11; Amos 6:4-7; 1 Peter 4:1-5), but wine and other fermented drinks are also repeatedly called divine blessings, meant to be enjoyed (Deuteronomy 7:13; 14:26; Psalm 104:14-15; Isaiah 24:6; Hosea 9:2; Joel 1:10; Amos 5:11; Luke 7:33-34; John 2:6-11; 1 Timothy 5:23). And in cases where drunkenness is not a problem, wisdom steps in and asks, “Drinking is lawful for me, but in what cases is it unhelpful or in what cases does it bring me under its power?”
When we ask if we are “under the power” of masturbation, we need to ask a couple questions: (1) Am I developing an enslaving habit? and (2) Am I developing an enslaving mindset about my sexuality? The first question relates more to the compulsive need one might feel to masturbate. The second question relates our attitude about sexuality: is it something meant for my personal pleasure or something meant to draw me close to another human being?
For many years my wife and I have been without sexual intercourse. That is not a problem for either of us (as it is just one way of showing love) but I do enjoy the feelings associated with an erection. Pornography has a bad reputation though some aspects of it can be stimulating without being evil. It is possible to use literature or videos without and sense of lust (I have no desire to change my wife) and have been helpful in times of sexual frustration. However, there is still a sense of guilt that may be the result of a traditional upbringing.
So sorry to hear you’ve been cut off from having sex with your wife. Is the problem medically related or a choice you’ve made?
I think most men enjoy the feeling associated with an erection because we are designed by God to enjoy it, but I would say where pornography has bad reputation, it deserves to have that reputation. Porn is, by its very nature, exploitative.
I’m not sure exactly what you mean by using literature or videos without lusting, combined with the comment about not wanting to change your wife. How do these thoughts relate in your mind?
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Hello there, I am 20 I mastrabate but I can truly say without any bad thoughts or imagination. ..just enjoying the act. ..but afterwards I feel so guilty. ..Please help me with answer
First of all, you might want to get involved with a group of other people who have their own struggles. I find that support groups are so very helpful when we’re trying to make changes. xxxChurch has online groups, and then there are in-person groups like Celebrate Recovery.
Second, you might want to look into the behavioral side of the issue with a resource like Candeo.
Third, remember that God created you. He knows you and your sex drive; he made you with one on purpose. He loves you, always.
Hi, I have been masturbaiting for about 4 years now and I am 15 years old, the first year of masturbation was about my physical needs, and the urge to do it. But it then turned into a type C case because I craved better feelings. Recently I went on a retreat and I confessed for the very first time about these actions, and I feel a bunch better. But that didn’t help the urges, so I searched online if masturbation in it self is a sin. What I found was that masturbation in it self isn’t a sin, but it opens the door for porn, sexual fantasy, and lust. I am not married, and I try to hold off the urge as long as I can. When I was doing my research, I also found that your Semen will gather up and your need for sex or masturbation increases. I just want to reconfirm that what I found was true and that if I don’t lust or commit a sin that masturbation is ok? Right? If not please help me, I am very confused and need a lot of help!
Here’s what we do know biologically: the body will produce sperm and this build-up does cause a need for release. There are two ways this release happens: (1) a “drip method” where a little semen is released into the ejaculatory duct, moves to the urethra, and then gets flushed out through urination, and (2) ejaculation. Ejaculation can happen in a couple fashions: (1) manual stimulation through masturbation or intercourse, or (2) nocturnal emission. Additionally, semen build-up is also controlled by a supply-and-demand system. The more you stimulate yourself (or the more sex you have), the more semen your body creates.
So, does a man “need” to masturbate? No. There are other natural systems the body uses to release semen. Furthermore, masturbation only feeds the supply and demand chain: the more you masturbate to “release the tension,” the more you train your body to create the tension.
That said, you are correct that masturbation is nowhere mentioned in the Bible as a sinful act, that what is sinful are the motives often behind masturbation. Furthermore, masturbation, even if not sinful, can be unwise because of the creation of habits that are not helpful for stewarding your sexuality well in marriage.
In the end, I really believe is it wise not to masturbate, and it is sinful to masturbate if it is intrinsically tied to lust or porn use. You need to set your mind on your goal: what kind of man do you want to become in life? Deep down, you want to be the kind of man who is master of his passions, not mastered by them.
Is it commiting adultery in your heart to fantasize about characters who aren’t real or you made up and use them to masturbate
I would certainly argue that it is lust. Perhaps this video addresses the issue.
Hi I’ve only started been getting these massive crazy urges to masturdate u see I had my Pituitary glands removed do to a Brian tumor at age 6. I’m 35 now and I have to take Medications that replace the Pituitary gland so my Dr started me on Testosterone shoots and its been making me
Really “H” and the doctor told me that I should masturbate but I’m a Christian please help
Thanks for the question. I’m no doctor, so I won’t pretend to understand the medical side of this. However, keep in mind that hormonal imbalances have been around since the fall of mankind, and God is not ignorant of them. This is exactly what self-control is all about: not denying your urges, but acknowledging them and then training your body not to be a slave to them.
so yes or no? is it a sin to masturbate of I am not married and watch no pornography and have no fantasy while doing so
I’m 15 and I masterbated with lust 3 times last year and every time I did I felt terribly guilty. For the next 10 months I stopped doing it. I noticed that when you don’t masterbate you get more wet dreams and that can be very annoying waking up at 3:00 to have to clean yourself up. To cope with not masturbating and I would put on “high alerts” whenever I felt I had to do it and that’s worked pretty well. When I masterbated with lust, I felt like there would be consequences, like my prayers wouldn’t be answered. But I don’t think God operated like that does he? Recently though, I started masterbating again, but with Type B. I make sure Jesus is in my heart and after I’m done I get right back to what ever I was doing before and I try not to dwell on it. A lot of times for me masturbating makes my hormones and stuff calm down and I’m not interesting in lusting with girls at my school, which is good. The lust battle is so complex these days cause all the girls wear yoga pants and everywhere I look there’s temptation, but Gods helped me through that. This past year though, I’ve grown a ton spiritually and don’t want to hinder my relationship with God. And when I’m like “on a roll with God” I don’t want to feel like I’m staring all over again. I don’t masterbate with lust, but sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is right. Am I doing it to just get my hormones out or for myself?
I don’t think not masterbating works, but then again I would love to not masterbate. The problems I have with masterbating is I don’t like feeling controlled, I kinda zone out for a couple seconds (still no lustful thoughts) when I start to get “the good feeling”. I know what my triggers are and I try and not masterbate when they occur, but then I still feel like my hormone levels are high the next day and do it then so what’s use waiting? I’ve been reading the bible a lot, praying/meditating, but I just need some guidance from someone who is experienced on this issue. Thanks so much.
Hey Ryan, I made a post considerably later than you asking for help on this very issue, so I may not be the best qualified to give an answer. I saw that you’ve gotten no response since you posted 4 months ago, so why not try to give a reply? You may not end up seeing this, but I pray that the Lord will answer you regardless.
Anyways, I walked in the very same shoes as you when I was 13 or 14 years old. I tried my best not to do it, got wet dreams, and was wondering if it wouldn’t just be better to do it myself. The hardest part was I couldn’t stand on one side of the argument for or against masturbation for very long. I tried justifying it for a long time, telling myself that without lust, I wasn’t sinning (I never fell into pornography, nor did I lust for any of the women around me). Well, I felt that I wasn’t sinning, and for a couple years I did it guilt free, until recently. I finally gave it up as a sacrificial offer to the Lord and I struggled with it for a while until I finally felt like I got a response from the Lord.
Now, first I would like to warn you that when anyone says they have a message from the Lord, you need to pray about it and question if it really is from Him. Having said that, I felt like the Lord was telling me that I knew the boundaries I could walk in masturbation without falling into lust, but He challenged me with these instructions. The first was that I was to keep my eyes on the Lord, so as to not let my thoughts wander. The second was to not pursue it for the pleasure alone. The third (and this one is important) was that this is still feeding the flesh, no matter how you justify it, and the Lord calls us to strive to be perfect, as He is perfect (I believe you can find that in Matthew chapter 5), so we are to put the flesh to death and serve the Lord with all our hearts. If you feel like you can masturbate without guilt or breaking you conscience then you have your answer, but I would strongly recommend pursuing the Lord about what you should do about sacrificing the flesh.
Hello Ryan (and Brian) – first, please accept my apologies for no one responding to your post, Ryan. We experienced a period of transition in jobs here at Covenant Eyes, and I fear your request for help was lost in the transition, which should not have happened. Ion the meantime, Brian has offered you some really amazing wisdom on the issue, which I could not improve on. I just responded to his question below, if you would like to read that. I will tell you the same thing – press on! Strive for perfection and embrace the grace that is fresh every morning if we stumble.
Peace, Chris
-Covenant Eyes
I love Doug Weiss so much, but I actually disagree with him for once.
I don’t believe there’s any men out there who don’t lust when they masturbate. Unless that man lived under a rock and has never seen porn or TV, or it’s a child discovering his body for the first time, I do not think it’s possible for a man to masturbate and NOT fantasize.
Fantasy includes everything not real. It doesn’t necessarily mean men think of straight porn, but they could be lusting by fantasizing of love/sexual situations. So if any men profess they don’t lust during masturbation, they are either lying or they don’t understand what lust IS.
It took me a LONG time to realize and analyze what it was I thought about during masturbation, but I finally came to realize that it was always sexual situations, like being saved by a “handsome prince-like” man etc. It wasn’t always straight up “naked sex”, but it WAS fantasy and lust. Therefore it was extremely damaging to my brain.
And even if by some magical way a man can masturbate without lust, its STILL very destructive and damaging to the brain and body because it trains and conditions the body to eventually only respond to “itself”.
Masturbation caused me to have Sexual Dysfunction for most of my life. My body couldn’t orgasm during sex because I trained my body to only respond to me.
It took a very long time to rewire my brain from the damage I caused, and I’m still working on it and creating new neural pathways.
Hey, so I’ve been really struggling with the topic of masturbation for years. I am currently in colleg, and I am the type B sort of person. I’ve never once watched pornography, nor do I have any desire to. When I was young I was determined to avoid it, and I was actually successful, but even without pornography or any fantasy involving another person, I struggled for a long time considering if the activity that I was doing was sinful or not. The most confusing part of the matter was that it was so difficult trying to find someone who didn’t immediately condemn masturbation on account of pornography, which made up the overwhelming majority of people I could turn to. I was told over and over, “Masturbation is sin because it too often leads to lust.” Well, while I know what a girl’s breasts look like thanks to Hollywood, I don’t actually have any sort of images readily available of a fully naked woman, nor do I fantasize about women at all. Now, just to clarify, one of my deepest desires, apart from serving the Lord and loving His church, is that I desperately desire one day to have a wife and children, a family to pour my heart into.
The struggle is this, I’ve gone back and forth on both sides of the issue. In one season of my life, I embraced it believing what I wasn’t sinning at all, while in others I believed it should be avoided at whatever cost. Most recently, I’ve taken a different turn. It was getting difficult to stay on either side of the issue for very long, and I knew if the argument was never, “Is masturbation sin?” but, “Is it honoring to the Lord?” that I might finally find some resolution. Well, I’m still struggling with it, and I’ve been free for 5 weeks now. I know that physically I’m just as fine with it as without, but my question is could I be free to embrace masturbation without lust, or should I stick with my commitment to give it up sacrificially to the Lord, even when it becomes difficult and sometimes very distracting.
Forgive the typos, currently low on sleep. Thanks!
Thanks for your reply. Been waiting for a while for someone to help. Do you have any social media I could follow you on? Maybe we could talk.
Hi Brian – sorry for the slight delay in responding to your post. I understand your struggle. I believe your question, “is it honoring the Lord” is a very good question, and a healthy perspective. Will you still struggle? Absolutely. Phillip Yancey said, “Many Christians have one issue that haunts them and never goes silent.” I heard someone else say, “What you fight, fights you.” Both are proving exceedingly true in my own life as I fight to take back enemy territory that was previously lost to pornography and habitual masturbation. Are you able to enjoy masturbation without lust? I can’t answer that for sure. But, it puts you on a dangerous path. Maybe akin to a recovering alcoholic having an occasional social drink with friends. I wouldn’t judge someone who chose to do that, but I would find it to be risky. I also appreciate the conniving nature of our enemy who might twist that justification to tempt me to go just one step further…until the accumulation of “one steps” lead me back to where I was.
Press on, my friend! Stick to tons of scripture, memorization, conversation with “iron sharpens iron” friends and see if your spirit and will are strengthened.
Peace, Chris
-Covenant Eyes
Thanks Chris! That helps out a lot. I definitely need to pursue the Lord more, just in general. As far as the “iron sharpens iron” kind of friend, I’ve got them in abundance. They’re a huge blessing. Also, Ryan, I’m on facebook, and that’s pretty much it. You can find me by searching my name. My profile picture is the one in the red shirt in the middle of both of my brothers. I don’t know if that helps, but I wouldn’t mind keeping in touch.
Hmm, I see that there are many differences about the concept of masturbation as a sin. For catholics, a type C would be considered a sin, a type B would we a case where the person has less guilt because they’re using it as a bad coping mecanism, there are underlying issues like maybe depression, anxiety, etc. certain disorders or emotional challenges at the moment that can make a person fall into that behavior, BUT it’s not considered ok because you’re basically separating the unitive and life giving aspect of sex, which can’t be separated. I struggled when I was younger sporadically until my late twenties and it wasn’t until I understood the true purpose of sex and by the grace of God that I haven’t fallen in almost 3 years, even with extremely painful life events that were what made me seek masturbation as a stress release. Even with the worst moment of my life I haven’t fallen and I think it’s because of those two elements. I think that in order to break free from masturbation you have to educate yourself as much as you can about human sexuality, God’s plan for sexuality and biology. I highly recommend St. John Paul II “Theology of the Body” or books based on it. It’s a wonderful resource to understand human sexuality.
Hi, l am 18 years old and have masterbated since freshman year of high school. l don’t look at porn nor would l want to and l try and not check out women, but here’s where the issue is. l have a foot fetish and am a Type C.l don’t think of women’s private parts, just the feet.(Nothing involving sexual things)l’m not addicted to masturbation, lts just that l don’t to sin or fatasize about feet. I’m trying to become more of a Type B, but l would like some advice about what to do! -Thanks, ZJO.
Hi Zach, like other addictive patterns, there is a trigger, and you’ve associated lustful thoughts with that trigger, which sets you down the path towards masturbation. The great news is that the brain is moldable and we are able to break those neurological patterns and create new ones. Here’s a very helpful post to begin: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ New behaviors come from new beliefs, and those new believes are almost always supported by a trusting, God-focused accountability partner. Read, pray and let me know if you need anything else.
Peace, Chris
Religion in a nutshell :(
People are just trying to get help
A comment on self ejaculation as it pertains to the physiology of semen fate if not ejaculated ;ejaculation is achieved either by heterosexual intercourse ideally with a loving and loved wife ,nocturnal emissions [wet dreams[or prostatic massage ;otherwise is it correct to assume the semen if not ejaculated is completely reabsorbed in the body or broken down by enzymatic degradation and the anatomy of the male genital system remains intact and its canaliculi patent .Please a medical response
I’ve been married to my wife for five years and I love her. I’d never cheat on her. But I do have a problem with looking at porn and masturbating. When I was single I didn’t think much of it – it was a way to get some sexual relief and I told myself I’d stop when I was married. Now that I’m married I find those old habits die hard. My wife knows I struggle with this and she’s very supportive. I find I can often go at least a week without giving into temptation but invariably I mess up and instantly feel guilty afterwards. I always ask God for forgiveness but I worry that some day, his grace will end and I’ll really be in trouble.
I’ve read countless Christian articles on this but they always spout the same adages and theme: “Lust is evil, don’t masturbate”. (Yes, I know this) But stopping is not as easy as saying “Okay, Im done with that”.
The problem is I have to work on a PC for my job and I work from home many days (alone).
Praying sometimes helps and I do have some porn blockers on my pc (disallowing me from accessing sites) unfortunately theres nothing that’s very functional for my phone (they have browser blockers but they constrain you by making you use a clunky browser that often crashes and not integrating it into your browser of choice).
Unfortunately the Christian industry has seen fit to only offer up accountability software that you MUST PAY for – which kind of seems hypocritical when you consider that the point is to help other believers not sin.
So, oh great and wise Christian community – how the heck am I supposed to overcome this? Your advice would be appreciated.
Hi Gabe – You mention a few different things here. God’s grace doesn’t have an end. But, our choices can squash the power of His Spirit inside of us. You will not see the great and mighty things the Lord has planned for you without purity. A commitment to “honor your wife above all others” and “only have eyes for her.”
You typed, “But stopping is not as easy as saying, “okay, I’m done with that.” But, maybe there’s something to that. Have you buckled down, taken a weekend away, looked God in the eyes, and said, “OKAY, I’M DONE WITH THAT!” Making a complete, and effective decision about sin (https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/). You are in a battle. It’s tough to find a job that doesn’t require working on a PC at some point, but there is plenty of software that can help. If you truly want to stop, then the consequence for the choices you’ve made is putting up with some clunkiness in a browser that can keep you accountable. Your bride is worth it. And, yes it has a price, but most things do. And, not much. Full filtering and accountability for $11/month. Again, your bride is worth it.
It depends on how badly you want to defeat this! But, I think you can do this Gabe.
Peace, Chris
I’ve battled with porn addiction since my teens and, similarly to Gabe, felt that after getting married the issue would be sorted by a healthy sex life. It didn’t. It was only after hitting an all time low last year that I’ve felt free from this. I still have accountability software on everything, and still meet with an accountability partner, and my wife and I have regular check-ins to see how we both feeling and how things are going in that department. It’s all been pretty positive for the last year.
Until recently. I’ve messed up.
I realise that I’ve always seen the issue in our marriage as being one of lust and deception. My wife is 12 weeks pregnant and has felt tired and sick. Of course her ability to be intimate is significantly reduced and, in fear of slipping into lust, opted for “Type B” masturbation. Twice in the last couple of weeks.
I know she doesn’t like any type of masturbation, but I wasn’t expecting it to go so horribly when I just told her.
At one point, I tried defending myself by saying that I was doing it to relieve pressure from myself (I was in genuine fear of slipping into lust), but I also felt that is was “mechanical or matter of fact”. To which she asked a question that is stumping me – how can it relieve pressure, if it isn’t somehow sexually satisfying? I feel like there is some science behind this that I don’t know. Any ideas?
Hi Dan, when you were slipping down the path of masturbation, did you engage any measures to talk about it (e.g., reach out to your accountability partner)? For the “relief of pressure,” I have been doing a bit of Internet research just now, probably similar to what you’ve done. If it’s just a matter of pressure, you’re probably not going to win the “discomfort” argument with a wonderful wife who is 12 weeks pregnant :) But, could you pray, take some Motrin, go for a run, anything to shift the focus? Man, I’ve been there! Perseverance is not easy. But, it sounds like you have a pretty special marriage, and so I just want to offer encouragement to press on.
Peace, Chris
Covenant Eyes
Hi, I am a single girl in my teens and I struggle with masturbation because I’m not sure if what I am doing is a sin or not. I fantasize about what I would do if I did have a husband, but do don’t fantasize about a specific person. Does this count as lusting? Is this a sin? I’ve read the bible and several articles on the topic to see what other Christians have to say, but I have yet to find an answer to this problem. I am very confused about it.
Hey there. Well, your sexuality is a normal, God-given part of who you are. There’s a big myth out there that men have sex drives and women don’t–just not true. I don’t think masturbation is a sin. I think it’s just a normal expression of your sexuality. However, like any normal appetite–think food, for example–our sexuality can become skewed.
If you think of the food example, instead of having a healthy relationship with food, you can become obsessed about it and either restrict yourself totally (anorexia) or binge completely and constantly.
Sex is the same. If you don’t accept sex as a healthy, normal part of yourself, you’ll fall into one of those two obsessive ends of the spectrum: total restriction or complete indulgence.
In counseling, we always use “functioning” as a way of checking for whether an issue is a treatable concern or not. “How are you functioning?” is the question. Are you able to go about the normal tasks of life without the issue interfering? If so, you’re fine. If not, if your functioning is impaired in some way–if relationships are troubled, if you can’t stop thinking about it, if you’re compulsively behaving–then you probably need to get some help.
Does that help at all?
Peace to you, Kay
There really has not been a direct answer to this question. is type B masturbation necessarily sinful? Can a Christian engage in type B without sinning?
Hi Ryan, I think the blog post does provide some additional questions to consider under the “Is Type B Better?” paragraph. It’s a matter of debate for many. Pray, ponder and tell me what you think.
Peace, Chris
Chris. I realize it ask the additional questions such as ” Are you mastered by it? While I realize the legitimacy of such questions, I see them as designed to avoid a direct answer to the question is type B sinful. At most all the article says is ” It can be sinful” but my question is this ” Is it necessarily sinful?” Is it possible for it to not be sinful?”
Hi, Ryan – I have to leave the answer to you, but let me give you this. If the Bible isn’t clear on a specific action as sinful because it’s not included in some list, then there are probably a couple of “tests” we can put it through. The first is the Philippians 4:8-9 test, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Another test is the “legacy” test. Now that I have kids, I think about how my actions can become my kids’ actions. There really shouldn’t be things I do that I wouldn’t want my kids to also do someday. I don’t know if these are helpful, but for me, masturbation fails both of these “tests” and just doesn’t seem like something that a “good and faithful servant” would practice. Does this make it sinful? Probably. But, decide for yourself.
Peace, Chris
My girlfriend and i have been dating for 7 years and are in the mindset of getting married at the right time. We at times think of each other as husband and wife and masturbate seperately. Is that bad ? Please help. Thanks
Hi, Joshua – I tend to come at this from the point-of-view that as soon as you ask, “is that bad?” you’re pretty sure it’s not holy and God-honoring, and you’re teetering on looking for justification. You don’t need to answer me on the blog, but do you agree with this? Masturbation is just such a steep slope. It’s tough, tough, tough to keep yourself within a prescribed boundary of “we only masturbate when ___________.” (in this case, “while we’re not married”). What happens if sex isn’t possible when you’re married as often as you would like? Will you be tempted to masturbate then? And, since the anticipation of being married and having sex one day has completely worn off, and you’re not able to self-stimulate without help, will you be tempted to turn to porn in order to masturbate? I hope you don’t take any of this as judging – I’m just trying to lead you down the path to its possible end. I know, because I’ve been there. Once the seed is planted in my male brain that “whenever I have a sexual urge that can’t be satisfied by my girlfriend/spouse, then I’ll masturbate,” it’s just REALLY tough to turn that off.
I’m sharing from the male perspective. There are many similarities to the female masturbation struggle, and your girlfriend should also be very careful.
Sit down and talk this all through with her. These types of conversations aren’t always easy, but neither is marriage, so it’s good practice :)
Peace, Chris
From Genesis chapter 38:
Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was wicked in the sight of the Lord, and he put him to death also.
Does this mean wasting your seed is still sinful to this day? After all times are different and we no longer have the task of repopulating the earth. This passage always confused me.. any thoughts?
Hello, Logan – I’m open to other opinions, but I always thought that this passage was more about a lack of obedience (in the heart) than it was about the act of spilling his semen on the ground (outward behavior). This isn’t in any way a means of justifying masturbation (that’s a whole different subject!), but just my thoughts.
Peace, Chris
Covenant Eyes
My pastor says that Onan’s sin was wanting the inheritance for himself.
Yeah, it’s funny how so many sins get turned into sexual sins… look up what the Bible says is the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah sometime for a real light bulb moment… it’s like we’re obsessed with sex or something :) Thanks for the insight!
Thank you so much for advising those who were lost what i just hope is that all those who have been doing this stopped it because God himself said that yourbody is the temple of the Lord how then would Jesus feel when he sees his own people whom he created with his own image creating this sin he would be ashamed .To all those who have listened to the advice which they were given May God Forgive You all of your sins and make a way for you.
Is masturbation okay ? I think yes if you dont think of a person or watch any pictures while doing it. You cant convince me that its a sin to enjoy the natural mechanisms that God gave you, even if not enjoying them from time to time leads you to become insane. I didnt masturbate for 2 and a half month and had to dream every night of kids, men, women, name it! In my dream I dreamed the unbelievable, what I even didnt have desires for. If you tell me I cant masturbate anymore, then I am forced to cut my testicules off. Dont put so heavy burdens on other people. This is just stupid and devilish. Imagine when you have been 14 and how every stupid fantasy turned you on, I remember that I was tuned on by the teletubies in that age. We are not Jesus Christ to fight sexuality. Masturbate in the shower without any lusty imaginations and forget about it for some days, easy. Mary was 14 when bringing Jesus to this world, so in Gods opinion i guess most of young people these days would be married when reaching puberty. Todays christians cant marry and live their sexuality in an good manner. Do it if it annoys you , better at morning, so you can pray to God at night. You know.. semen and prayer dont go together. Sry for my english im german.
How can masturbation not be a sin? All the info I keep getting from this whole website about this issue is that it’s generally better not to, but certain circumstances allow it as not a sin. I’m confused why you wouldn’t call the whole thing out as a sin, since it doesn’t seem to be a part of God’s design for sex. What about Onan in Genesis 37? Couldn’t masturbation be idolatry? Do you even have a direct answer if it is a sin or not? Just wondering, since it seems like if your answer were “no, it’s not a sin under certain circumstances” people would use your argument as an excuse to do it.
Hi, Brandon – what is your stance? If I call it a sin (not representing Covenant Eyes) does that influence your decision? Our position has been to allow individuals to find their answer. Drawing a legal line doesn’t address the heart issue of WHY people masturbate. Behavior alone isn’t what God is looking for. “These people honor me with their lips, but thier hearts are far from me.” I would personally aruge that Onan’s sin was one of disobedience and not one of withdrawal and masturbation. So, back to how I started – what do you think and why?
My personal stance – due to my past of linking masturbation with porn consumption, I’ve determined that it is sinful for me. No question. It represents too many wicked things for me.
Peace, Chris
Covenant Eyes, this is wrong and very disappointing to see on your site. CCC 2352. “masturbation is anintrinsically and gravely disordered action.” It’s not okay, and this article basically gives the green light. This article is leading so many into sin! 😥
Hi, Sara – across the Christian spectrum, there are going to be places where certain denominations differ. Covenant Eyes has not taken a stand on masturbation, and instead, have allowed different posts to present different perspectives and let our readers make their own decisions. We recognize that the Catholic Church calls out masturbation as a mortal sin. We have not. Other Christian denominations do not. In the same way that we have included posts celebrating certain Saints of the Catholic Church, yet some of our readers take grave exception to the veneration of saints. But, we can all agree that life without porn is better! Let’s focus there.
Best, Chris
As a life-long Christianity teen, I have been masturbating since I was very small. When I turned 10, I started to realize it wasn’t great and my mom tried to help. I have been trying really hard to stop. It doesn’t seem to be working though. I think that I am the type C because I don’t even think when I do it. It just helps me sleep… I guess it’s like a baby blanket, toddlers just can’t sleep without it. I’m not into boys or anything (just yet) and I hate the thought of porn. I just get an itch (that sounds so weird). My Bible study talked briefly about it but it didn’t cover all of my concerns. I have been going to God for help but I’m taking suggestions from others too. Thank you so much,
Emma
Hi, Emma – it sounds like you truly don’t like the habit. Even Type B masturbation causes us, as Christians, to ask important questions, like “is masturbation leading me toward the type of sexual purity and behavior I desire in marriage?” or “is it possible that with just a touch of justification, my masturbation habit could lead to pornography?” or “Can I imagine the Holy Spirit of God being nothing but pleased with habitual masturbation in my life?”
This will sound really strange from one believer to another, but “going to God for help” might not be the right approach. We were made with the ability to choose. If you haven’t choosen to stop then God can’t help you. I know that sounds funny. Yes, He is sovereign, but there’s an explosion of Holy Spirit energy that only gets ignited when people heartfully determine a direction and drive with all their might in that direction. I read from Oswald Chambers, “a clear and effective decision about sin.” That stuck with me.
Of course, I hope the best for you, Emma, especially as a young lady who has an amazing future ahead of her. God is for you! Please read Romans 8 if you need to be reminded of that :)
Best, Chris
This is interesting!
42-year-old lifelong Type C masturbator here, sometimes with porn, sometimes with just mental imagery. A few days ago, I got some strong “signals” to concentrate on developing chastity; as part of this, I decided to cut out masturbation as much as possible. Well, after just two days, the craving was very strong, so I mulled it over, and decided that if lust was the problem, maybe I could just concentrate on the sensations, knock it out without mental imagery, and get back to what I was doing without being further distracted.
So I tried it, and though it was quite a bit more difficult, it worked. If an image tried to encroach – including non-individualized images – I just pushed it out and brought my focus back to the sensations. So it was a true Type B experience (I didn’t have that term at the time), and as you say, I didn’t feel much, if any, guilt or shame afterward. It just felt like taking care of another bodily function.
But here’s the thing – it’s two days later, and I’m feeling the urge again. I would definitely go Type B, but the idea of pleasure and ejaculation alone is enticing in the same way that overeating is enticing – a bodily function indulged to excess. So I think that even if you peel back the “lust” layer, there’s a “gluttony” layer beneath…
That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying your food when it’s proper to eat, and I think it may be “proper” to masturbate when you really need to in order to continue undistracted, and it’s okay to enjoy it during those times. However, like eating, it tends to creep, the pleasure tends to drive the process. So… there’s where you practice temperance. :-)
The ONLY valid form of healthy masturbation is in the physical presence and with your partner (preferably your spouse). All other forms WILL lead to undesirable consequences. Make no mistake, the chemistry in the brain doesn’t lie, and neither do the brain scans. If you find that you are unable to stop, you have already affected the wiring in your brain. This is a physical and chemical phenomenon and it is a proven science. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you can re-wire your brain, but like the fat person on a diet, they didn’t put the weight on overnight. Don’t expect to change it overnight. It took you years to wire your brain this way. it’s going to take years to re-wire it. There is a 90-day milestone, a 180-day milestone, and it becomes relatively permanent after a few years (recovery is an exponential, not linear, process). It (the sex addiction, and yes, it IS an addiction) will always be there, but it becomes so buried, so dormant, that it takes some effort with particular triggers to go back there and recall it to act on it. If you do recover, like the alcoholic or drug addict cannot even sample it, you can’t either.
Now, to address the spiritual side of things. Yes, you could probably argue successfully that so long as the act is physical and physical alone, you haven’t committed a sin. However, considering all of the other damage you are doing to your body (physical damage to your genitals, possibly your anus, prostate, etc.), your sensitivity (i.e. erectile dysfunction, and I wouldn’t summarily dismiss it and the need for harder faster means of arousal and orgasm), your brain (physiologically and chemically), your spouse (if married), etc., I would argue, YES, you are committing a sin. Your order of priority should be God first, Spouse second, Immediate Family third, Remaining Family and Friends forth, Colleagues and Acquaintances fifth, and finally everyone else. Your body is your temple. Ask God to help you take care of your temple. Masturbating, in and of itself, doesn’t make you a sinful person. It makes you a normal person like so many around you even if they don’t admit they do it. And last time I checked, there wasn’t one without sin but a couple thousand years ago. I don’t even know you, and I love you anyway.
Master bating is a sin, I went through these articles looking for an answer and I found it it is a sin. I was class B and I thought it would be ok to do it once but I lost self control and was selfish and I feel horrible and am overcoming me with shame Dear Lord please have mercy on me and forgive me I will masterbate no more dear Lord I will seek you only when temptations arise, I will rebuke the enemy and ask you to help me dear Lord I love you please forgive me for committing such an horrible wicked evil act and I did it willingly. Have mercy on me Jesus you showed me it was wrong once but then I did it again willingly I ask for forgiveness and that everyone reading this does the same and I repent dear Lord, please renew my mind Jesus make it as your mind I am nothing and deserve to perish for what I did I turned my back to you I am worthless and was from the beginning but have provoked you to anger dear Lord I love you and I will do what you ask of me, I am weak I denied not myself this day and failed to live according to you Jesus so I make a commitment from hence forth that I will no longer masterbate and I will take up my cross and die daily for you bought me with a price and I am not my own please forgive me dear Lord I am nothing please let me serve you Jesus I love you. Please don’t fall into the trap of the devil people it is a sin and I failed but failed to warn you that it is a sin don’t do it whoever is reading. I was reading as well to fulfil my selfish desires forgive me Lord for I am yours and not my own please clean me and make me your servant I will serve you forever and ever amen.
Thank you Joshua for your clarity. Your words touched me. God bless you.
On the topic of being a man who went from Type C to Type B in my masturbation habit (here is a little background information first, and then where I am at with masturbation currently).
For myself, I am a Christian man who struggles with same-sex attraction. In my devotion to God I want to be celibate and honor Him with my choice to be single, unless He gives me a desire for women that surpasses or equals my attraction for men. Since sexual attraction is not completely based on the physical, it seems impossible to change my desires unless God changes that on His own doing. When I was eighteen, and not a believer at the time, I tried to condition myself to become sexually attracted to women through pornography and masturbation. The only thing I ended up with was a distorted sexual tendency to be slightly attracted to women with only a typical porn star body figure. Only to realize that emotional attraction is the stronger force within my sexual frustration as it comes to attraction. It did not minimize my overwhelming attraction to men at all. I do not advise anyone trying to condition oneself that way or for any purpose.
Anyways, the topic of masturbation without lusting (Type B), is an interesting concept that I have been contemplating throughout my Christian journey in the past few years. I went from being Type C, to Type B, but there are still some issues that are worth mentioning. I first have to say that men who are Type C, who want to be Type B (in my opinion and experience), may have a difficult time transferring over if they masturbate several times a week or more. When the muscles in your penis are overused for that day or week, that is when fantasy becomes the motivation for a climax (in my experience). I cannot speak for everyone, but if you are trying to switch over to being Type B in your masturbation habit, you may have to relax how much you engage in masturbation in order for your sex organ to recharge and be ready to go without fantasizing. So, if you believe fantasy is lust (which Biblically makes sense), you should try letting more time to pass in between masturbating so that you aren’t tempted to climax more quickly by pulling up the slideshow or video footage in your mind. Fantasy is our imagination creating pornography. Why is looking at pornography online or in a magazine different then what we can create in our own minds? That’s the thing, it’s not different, it’s just a different source. Now, masturbating to a fantasy of your husband or wife is a slightly different topic, but that is also complicated for other reasons. Not only is lust a concern in masturbation, but the idolatry of pleasuring oneself is something to contemplate as well and work out with the Lord.
I will say for me, I believe masturbation Type B may not be as healthy as we may think it is all the time. The reason I say this is because it is difficult to remain Type B especially with a Type C background, because fantasy is always a looming temptation. Not only that, but masturbation sometimes frustrates me because it reminds me of my physical loneliness, and that I will not be experiencing sexual gratification with another human anytime soon or ever, if God chooses not to change my sexual desires. Obviously my case is a little different than other men who are sexually attracted to women, but the point still remains that masturbation in general is an interesting contemplation/struggle for a Christian person. If we become frustrated with anything in life, including masturbation, that can drive us toward other forms of pleasure and even destructive patterns or addictions as well. There is so much to think about on this issue, and for me, I am currently trying to stop masturbating all together, just for the peace of mind and to rid myself of any form of idolatry that could be involved in the habit. I do my best to not beat myself up if I do end up engaging in Type B masturbation, and I would advise the same for others. Even falling into Type C as well, there is restoration in Christ no matter what we struggle with, and you can work through it with Him. He will walk with you where you’re at because He loves you. And remember to pray about it and discuss it with others. Proverbs 18:1 “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”
And for anyone who believes in Jesus being the only way for our salvation, please pray for me. Thank you! I need it like there’s no tomorrow! :)
Thank you for your honesty, Ray M. I am an abstinent woman who has recently been tempted to masturbate after over 3 years of celibacy. I also used pornography before I was saved and on this walk with Jesus. My porn of choice was homosexual and transgender men. In my most recent weakness, I gave in and now have a very hard time not creating this porn in my mind even though im not masturbating. It is very hard to die to self. And so I’m now considering relieving myself without fantasy or lust but wanted to make sure it’s not a sin. I haven’t yet but not sure how much longer I can go while I research.
If it helps, one thing I remind myself that may help you as well is Galatians 5:17 “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” It helps me to remember to call out to let the Holy Spirit lead. Praying I dont grieve Him in this.
Praying for you too.
First I would like to say Wow. There are some really good point of views on this thread. Most of you make sense in a different way. Just to briefly talk about myself for sec, I was very bad type C. I found Jesus and my life has changed. 36 M not married. I have gone a month or so without any release. Then every now and then I will give in to type B. I look at the wall or an object like a lamp etc… and fight not to think of a female at all. When I’m done I feel bad. I pray to the Lord to help me.
I think it’s clear that we are all lost in some ways. I know I am. Why am I weak? Why do I struggle with little flashes of non belief. I ask Him to help me with my flashes of non belief. For me the female is the most powerful thing. I can feel it deep down within me. Some times stronger than others but a females body and the desire I feel sometimes is overwhelming. I hate it and wish it was not that way. But the truth is the desire is strong. I wish that when a beautiful female walked by with short shorts on and a nice body I had no desire to look. I wish I didn’t feel anything. But I would be lying if I claimed that. It’s something that is almost over powering. I have come a long way from the things I used to do in my past. So far I’m an occasional type B. From a bad type C. I ask for your prayers that my walk with Jesus will get better and stronger. I’m truly afraid to face God and I know it’s coming. I ask Jesus to cover me in His blood. Please pray for me. God bless you all.
To some of us, going a month is doing extremely well. And the Lord doesn’t expect perfection, he just expects progress and effort. I have gone probably around 3 and 1/2 4 months without masturbating. And I am finding it extremely difficult at times to keep up that discipline. It’s very hard When I have condition my brain to lust over a very long time of being addicted to porn unless. And I would totally been around 4 months since I last masturbated, it’s been somewhere around, 7 months since I watched any pornography. So I consider myself blessed to go this long, because that hasn’t happened too many times. But I continue to fight the fight and do my best.
To be honest, I think that you can have a very difficult time trying to masturbate without lusting if you spent A lot of your life masturbating because you’ve lusted. You’ve trained your brain to react to lust, and it’s extremely difficult to change that. I’m not saying you can’t, I’m just saying it’s extremely difficult.
I do believe that you can masturbate over your wife, as long as you’re not changing her image or adding things to her that she would not approve of. Like, if she does not do anal sex, because she doesn’t enjoy the pain of it, then to think about your wife doing anal with you would be wrong, because you’re changing the image of her sexuality.
But I have no problem with a husband masturbating over his wife or a wife masturbating over her husband, as long as they don’t change who they are in their fantasies.
I have read and heard about people leaving nude pictures of themselves in their spouses luggage if they’re going away for a few days, and they pull out the picture and masturbate to it. Or they do Skype and do video sex or whatever. I don’t think it’s wrong as long as you’re not changing who they are and they’re true form. I hope that made sense.
I am a 29 year old woman with a high sexual appetite and I masturbate as a type B always. I keep praying that God will help me to find the man that will be my future husband buy until then how can it be wrong to masturbate without fantasy or lust for another? I just focus on how it feels period. I don’t feel guilty anymore afterwards cause I believe by doing it I am figuring out what I like and do not like physically that I can convey to a husband in the future if I ever find a good Christian man who loves me for me and doesn’t abuse me or just use me for my beauty till he gets bored of me then leaves. I have never been married though it’s always been my dream yet I still haven’t found the right one.
Hey there, thank you for sharing this healthy view of masturbation with us. I don’t see anything in scripture that condemns masturbation. I don’t see anything in scripture that condemns a woman understanding her own sexual desire and being responsible for herself in that way. In fact, I think that when Genesis calls the creation of humanity “very good,” that includes our sexuality, and the pleasure that women find in their own bodies. The shame and condemnation that purity culture places around sexuality, and especially around the sexual pleasure of women, is simply the result of a religious system that desires to have power and control over women, rather than seeing women as equals in every way, created in the image of God. Thank you for speaking up.
Hello,
I am 62 years old French and we are separated my wife and me for 3 years. I did not consider myself happy with her. In particular I masturbated alone.
I would like to love a woman, make her happy and give myself completely to her including sexually. There is God and there is the Woman. For me alone account my love for God and the Woman. But I do not believe that it is possible to find a Christian woman in France who happily accepts to take charge of the sexuality of her husband.
Thank you for your reply.
Eleonor,
I am not sure what you mean by “take charge of the sexuality of her husband,” but what I do know is that with God, it IS possible to be happily married. God’s design for sex is far different than that of the world, but this does not mean that a Godly marriage will be perfect. I would encourage you to not lose hope, and cling to God for healing.
Blessings,
Moriah
I agree with what one comment said. If you’re single come on whether you’ve been divorced or you’ve never been married or you’re a widower or a widow, how do you handle the sexual frustrations? Just because you’re single doesn’t mean it shuts off. You’re still a sexual being, and you have the same urges as a married person. So how do you deal with being single and having sexual urges ?
I am tired Beyond tired of hearing people say, just pray more, or read the Bible more, or stay busy, when you could read the Bible until your eyes hurt, pray until you have no more voice left, and your exhausted, and then stay busy all day, but when you’re relaxed and in bed, trying to go to sleep, you’re a prime target for lusting. How do you take care of your sexual urges while a single person. And please, by the grace of God, do not say, read the Bible more, pray more, or keep busy. I will literally go ballistic if somebody says that one more stinking time. And forgive me for my frustration, but I have heard this crap so long that I am ready to bust. So somebody, come up with a solid legit answer to this question. Because if you’re going to give the same Sunday school answers, don’t say anything. I am tired of hearing it. I think we say these Sunday school answers just because we don’t know the answer, but we want to sound intelligent and biblical when we when we don’t know Jack. So please, somebody give me a legitimate answer that makes sense.
I am with you Mark, I am divorced and a single parent. I would love a truthful answer how to just stop having sexual urges without going out and really partaking in sin. I have battled this for a long time and would love to know the answer.
Mark, I hear you. I am a single 57 year old guy with natural strong sexual drives who found himself unexpectedly divorced after 23 years of marriage and did everything I could possible to save it. But she still left. Sad story, life goes on. Stuff happens, but grace abounds!
Masterbation within self controlled parameters is a healthy way that keeps me out of trouble and healthy sexually. Thanks to God for making me a man biologically as well as a man of God who seeks his face daily.
The bottom line is…no matter how many people will quote scripture or shame or preach scriptures… I have come to believe there is NOT a simple “One size fits all solution”. I can find spiritual leaders on both sides with very opposing views on masterbation, lust and sexuality. And both will be people of grace and lovers or truth and still vary on each others opinion.
So go with what works with you and your conscience before God. Know that God understands our body best as the Creator and gave us biological desires as part of its wonderful creation. He gave us the ability for both self control as well as expression in moderation.
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For me personally, I am very open to God about my struggles and weakness as well as my needs and how I search to find them. We live in a fallen world within a screwed up culture (both within our churches and well as outside the church). I also know that sexual norms change from culture to culture as it does generation from generation.
For example, today an older man can’t marry a 13 year old virgin girl without society thinking that man is a child abuser… yet that was common back in the day of Jesus. I am not advocating we bring this practice back BTW… just giving an example of how extreme common societal practices have changed. Poly relationships were accepted in the Old Testament times too. It was also common jewish practice for a man to marry his other brothers wife (in addition to his own wife) in the event the brother died to keep the family name and support for her and her children.
Today, these are NOT accepted norms in our society! In fact, most people would call these practices sexually abusive and illegal. Yet back then, they were the norm? So I find it odd when people like to quote old testament laws or even New testament teaching and apply it today when today, we would see some of those very traditions as illegal, immoral and unholy?
Thats not to say, we disregard the teaching… but that we apply the “spirit of the law” and not so much “the letter of the law”. Which basically means, what is the core message? How do we apply these teachings to our lives as we follow the path of Jesus?
Good luck my brothers and sisters reading this… I would advise you to just chill. Seek Gods grace and wisdom. If others people advice doesn’t sit well within your heart, say thank you and keep seeking. Always be honest before God, who dishes out zero shame but instead, never ending love and grace.
I’m an abstinent woman and can hardly contain myself much longer as far as masturbation goes. I was weak one day a while back and did it to dirty images and I repented but I really miss sex. I have no husband and no sex for over 3 years and I am tired of being without sex. Im at the point where I want to just marry any guy so i can use him for sex. Horrible and defeats the purpose of godliness. I feel like I need to drain myself but cant. I decided to research masturbation without lust and ended up here. Didnt help much. I’m not trying to keep law, I’m just trying not to abuse God’s grace. Seems like being a B person still is using this body that doesn’t belong to us the wrong way. What to do?
Hey Hannah,
I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with masturbation. It’s a normal and healthy expression of our sexuality. It’s not a sin. There’s literally not one verse in the Bible that supports the idea that masturbation for pleasure is a sin. This whole idea is a simply a leftover from puritanical sexual shame, and people are being shamed and tortured over this for no good reason. It would absolutely be horrible to marry someone just to use them sexually, and yet this is what purity culture and puritanical sexuality have forced onto many couples. Purity culture objectifies human beings in this way, and then wonders why people in purity culture struggle with pornography use. Instead, we could appreciate that God’s grace is your body, which belongs to you, and a wholesome and good part of your body is your sexuality. I hope you will be set free from sexual shame and enjoy the gift of your own sexuality.
Peace,
Kay
I have compiled a list of “Random Thoughts” on sexuality. I am sure much is fodder for the discussion at hand ;-)
1. Your body is a biological machine designed by the Creator to reproduce. Sexual urges are governed by hormones that drives mechanisms designed for sexual arousal. You can’t “preach it away, speak it away, deny it, or run from it”. It’s a fact. Stop making it weird.
Start with biology as the foundation. If any advice goes contrary to biological norms, then it is unrealistic. God is not going to “command us” to do something thats contrary to how God designed us. That would be a very sadistic god.
For example, an attractive person walks by, and you become sexually aroused. You become fixated on that person for a moment, as in… “they caught your eyes”. Guess what? You were biologically designed that way. And if she/he is single, we might pursue them to find out more. What if we end up dating? Natural sexual desires happens next. We will dream of her/him with sexual thoughts. Over time we start to crave, desire, and fixate more about them. None of this means we are perverted, unbridled lust mongers. We just naturally desire to bond and mate with them.
It’s the “how” we go through these stages that makes a difference. Are we honorable, are we practicing self control and moderation… are we considering good boundaries?
2. Self control doesn’t always mean abstinence. Self control is applying parameters and moderation in all things. It’s the “self”, deciding when, “to do or not to do”, something that is healthy vs harmful. It’s a process of regulating the course of action, not necessarily abstaining from the act.
3. Humans operate differently from each other. Placing your boundaries, teachings, assumptions and beliefs on one person may not work for them like it does for your situation. To assume that your method is right and everyone else is wrong can be damaging. They may have a different system that is actually better and more healthy for them. Don’t condemn or shame, instead share what works for you and why and then listen. If what you shared is of God, then let God work on the persons heart. Stop trying to convince them otherwise.
4. Try this. Instead of looking at the term “Sinful”, ask yourself what is “healthy and unhealthy”. It offers more concrete ideas to work with. Because what is sinful to one person may not be sinful to another. Drinking wine is a good example. It is more helpful to understand what is healthy or unhealthy for both the body and spirit than what is sinful. Of course we can commit acts that are sinful, but they will also be unhealthy acts. Likewise, all healthy acts will be good for both the body and spirit.
5. What is Lust? We sometimes throw that word around as a placeholder for anything “sexual” in nature? Is Lust the sex drive, or the way we respond to it? Is it a natural response or unbridled sexual urges? The problem with discussing lust generally lies in how one defines lust. If you asked ten people, you would get ten different flavors to the answer. For me, to lust after something takes more than just sexual arousal. It has to become a fixation that I can’t / won’t turn away from… that starts to control me vs me controlling the situation.
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How I avoid lust is surprisingly simple once I learned that the “struggle to avoid it” was more the issue than “the person” I was looking at.
I learned back in college as a sexual charged teenager, undergoing a fine arts major degree, who had to view 4 years of looking at nudes in paintings and in drawing classes (the same would apply to medical students) that to overcome lustful thoughts and feelings was to…
… simply admire the human body, as God creation.
I found after a summer long battle of constant defeat of “lusting at all the pretty girls” that seemed to swarm my campus, that averting my eyes and walking away fast, with face downward from the beauty only made things worse. Why? Because I was denying a truth… that I was “designed to admire” creation.
Then one day, in a very frustrated and shame-filled prayer session, while crying out yet again for God to set my heart free of “lusting after all the pretty girls”, God spoke to my heart and said, “I made all things beautiful… acknowledge it. Stop trying to run away from it but instead confront it with thankfulness”.
Yes, you can look at someone who is both sensual and beautiful and not lust after it. It may even be that married person. It doesn’t matter, you are simply acknowledging a beautiful creation, not possessing it! So grow up and respect, don’t degrade, but admire and give thanks… then move on!
I will even sometimes pray for that attractive person something like.. “dear God, send that person a wonderful mate, or bless that persons marriage”… and you know what, after a week of doing this, the enemy no longer has a hold on you because you turned something he kept harassing you about into something of a thing of beauty, praise worthy and blessed it instead.
Peace
Hok Nok
Great blog, people open and easy to tell secrets.I have homosexual tendencies, in the past I have acted on them. I am a Christian I am saved.i haven’t meet men in a very long time but still have the desire.I need your prayers!
Question : We know that men have wet dream if they don’t masturbate, do spiritual people also have suchdream , also do such dream count as sin even though we don’t have control over it???
I’m 17years old, I’ve been home for a while now, doing nothing, I’d resume school early October, but have about a year to myself, but I always have this strong feelings to masturbate, whenever I get the urge, so I studied myself, whenever I sleep late at night or I’m alone, I have this urge to masturbate, and I have to stay home all by myself, mom doesn’t want me to work for security reasons. But I don’t know what to do, I need y’all advices , please
God bless you
Thanks for reaching out! We’re here to help any way we can. Here’s an article that outlines six important steps to overcome unwanted sexual behavior. I hope you find this encouraging!
Blessings,
Keith
Masturbation is a sin, it’s in the bible, the word used in the bible was different, check 1 corinthians 6:9,( passion translation). It talked about sexual pervertion, first, what is pervertion, something you’re not doing in the right way, something you’re changing it’s natural course,you can check other preferred dictionary, then what does sexual, means,
“having or involving sex” which results in release of orgasms, now apply both definition to sexual pervertion
abnormal way to achieve sexual orgasms.
Which is that term makes it a complete sense, avoid masturbation
When you masturbate without looking at porn is only a matter of time before you start upping the game a bit, because it will get harder to get the job done, its the same when you look at porn, you start with easy or mild scenes, from even just pictures but then you need more, you crave for more! its inevitable and the nature of sin, which is why it is a sin, masturbating destroys your ability to interact with your partner properly during sex, think about how that affects your life and your partner and then ask yourself if that is not sin enough. Other than that, try to think about other stuff, replace the thought with another one, get busy, there’s a big world out there waiting to be explored and discovered with the eyes of a Christian, there’s more important things going on everywhere than you trying to see if masturbating is bad or not, YOU WILL NEVER COME TO A TRUE CONCLUSION other than accepting is bad for you in the long run, therefor is a sin, think about it this way:
You have two beasts inside you and they need to be fed, one is called Spirit and the other is called Flesh, the one you feed is the one that reigns your life, the one you feed is the strongest and biggest, how can you feed Spirit if you are giving him the wrong food? even if Flesh isn’t growing, it doesn’t mean he won’t eat Spirit in the end, Spirit needs its food to withstand Flesh attacks, so how do you feed Spirit? “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” Galatians 5:16. Read the word of God so that you can walk by the spirit and feed it food that is eternal, you will get over it as soon as Spirit gets big enough! trust me, i had a big Flesh inside of me that ripped me apart, God picked me up and showed me this, so i could show it to you. Put on the full armor of God so that you can fight against the devil’s evil tricks. Ephesians 6:11