Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation. However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not directly condone or condemn masturbation—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
Related: Can you masturbate without lusting?
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
See: How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
Related: 19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe it is our chief purpose to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
This was a really helpful article, really easy to understand. The main thing I would add is that a lot of time should be spent in reading the Bible and looking to know more about God. This will wash out the mind and way of thinking. In the guy who asked the question, it’s good that he has eliminated the porn, but he is probably struggling because he has left a vacuum of sorts. All the images are there to fuel fantasy and masturbation.
This has been a struggle for me and I thank God for his mercy and grace for my sin. Thanks for the tips.
Very useful.ice restored my faith in God and he helped me get rid of my sins.
This Article was indeed helpful. Sometimes I feel like I have beaten the urge only to find myself in the very place I was certain I’d avoid. It feels terrible sinning continually and knowning that He is watching and He still loves us. Sometimes I kinda wish that I could talk to God and hear his voice. It would be so much easier ?
If its an overwhelming thought, what do i do?
I really want to stop masturbation am fed up of it.. Guide me please. Coz I don’t want it anymore.
Hi A.J., I’m sorry for your struggle. It really can be difficult to move past this habit. If you’ve read the blog post, what have you tried? Do you have accountability in your life?
This has been a very helpful question and very helpful answer. Praying more for God’s focus, mercy, grace and control over my life.
Kicking masturbation is like giving up drugs a drinking this is your choice if it hard then think something. Good to do should not be hard keep trying never give up
I am so glad i stumbled on to your sight it has given me tools for success thanks keep me in prayers
I love this post
Hi this is helpful but i struggel every day but i know if i pray he will help me
I’ve been practicing this since some years back now, and I really need the solution. please help m
I have been struggling since childhood, but more in the last 10 yrs with being married. She has never known and I never would want to destroy our marriage in her knowing, God knows and I always disappoint him. I’ve had greater struggle after she told me she didn’t care if we never had sex. It hurt me so much because I’m a very romantic wanting guy and always wanted a close relationship, close in every way . I started having inability of carrying through with it and has destroyed my self esteem as a man. Every time we try I know I won’t be able, so I end up doing it to myself to knowi can do it. I keep telling Godi need halo and ask forgiveness yet turn around doing it again. Knowing she doesn’t care about a close physical sexual relationship has destroyed my self esteem and I turn go to porn and master nation, then feeling like a great failure to God, her, and myself. We just had our 20th Ann but the first thing was she said was she didn’t care about sex so it destroyed my manliness and ability to do it. I can’t talk to her about it as we spoke a little with a Christian counseler but didn’t effect her thoughts at all. I want to do the block on the computer but I have to pay for it and she would ask where this money goes to. If she found out anything it would destroy her trust and love towards me. If she had any idea I was talking about this on here it would also gestroy it. She doesn’t believe this is so important to a man, if I spend any money on books she would know. We have been hurting so much financuallly since I’ve had the cancer and seizures 3 yrs ago and am struggling to get work for me to do. I’m 54 and still need the desire of sex. Please pray and somehow help.
Hello, Richard – I’m sorry to hear about your situation, which sounds like it has difficulties at every turn. I see multiple paths that you can choose from. Each considers the fact that your wife doesn’t want to talk about it and isn’t open to making changes.
1. Continue looking at porn and keep it a secret.
2. Try to stop looking at porn alone (but eventually it will fail)
3. Try to stop looking at porn with help.
We both know that #3 is the only one that will work. Can you do it under the guise of “since we struggle when it comes to intimacy, I want to make sure I have a place to share my thoughts and be surrounded by guys who can help me be strong”? None of this helps the fact that your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you. Here’s a few tough questions – do you believe having sex is necessary to survive? What does true obedience look like for you? Are you as committed to glorifying God with your life as you are finding answers to improving intimacy in your marriage? See, most men believe the idea that we require sex to survive. What if this isn’t true? Can sex save us? Absolutely not. I know these are hard concepts to live out. And, that’s why it can’t be done alone.
I will close by praying for you, Richard. If you decide to choose a life of purity and integrity, I suspect the days will get harder before they get easier. But, God is for you! You are more than a conqueror. Please read Romans 8 to be reminded of who God is and who you are when Christ is IN you.
PLS i want your prayer over my life to stop the habbit of masturbation
How can Luke say masturbation is not condoned or condemned? it is aka uncleanness and lust or flesh pleasing certainly is condemned!
Hello, Franco – I think what Luke is saying is that based on Scripture, there are no direct references that condone or condemn the practice. There are principles of holiness and righteousness that would seem to strongly indicate that it is not a path to either of these goals of Christian living.
my name is JM am 19 years but i thick am addicted to masterbation but how can get out of it because am tired of it please help
Hi, JB – I’m sorry that you’re struggling. Have you attempted the techniques included in this blog post?
Thanks a lot,
I believe that I will be out of this soon
I know God is there for me, thats why am quiting this
I now block my mind from masturbation desire in Jesus name
I need help in this area. I’m struggling. Prayers please!
This is a very good start to thinking about how we deal with masturbation. In my own observations, I see two things that cause me to masturbate: the escape and the desire. I literally can make the day go so much faster focusing on sex and women than when I just focus on what I have to do or want to do. However, I think we all need to see that the source of all this is evil. We are contending against evil powers that are literally drawing us away from God and our potential. That’s what’s really going on. Look at David. Saw a naked woman, invited her over for sex, and then had her husband killed. Again, this took away from David’s potential. What happened next was him trying to cover it up, him trying to fix it, and him having to live with the consequences. Solomon was born as a result and God gave him his wisdom but again, look what happened to him. Later in life, he had tons of wives, and many worshiped other gods and he joined them. And he had the wisdom of God!!! Let’s face it, lust is from the devil and it is his way of destroying us. You need to look at it that way. You need to realize when the desire comes inside of you it’s satan tempting you and trying to take you away from God and God’s potential for your life. This is spiritual more than physical! The Bible talks about satan prowling around looking for who he will devour. Don’t let him anymore and remind yourself it’s not the beautiful naked woman calling you, it’s satan himself trying to lure you away from what God has in store for you. We are not alone. To me, this is man’s greatest weakness since the beginning of time and it’s harder than ever to get away from it because we can see naked women whenever we want.
We all need to have a plan. That’s right. When there’s a fire, you need an escape plan. A way out. So the question is, what are you going to do when you smell smoke and hear the alarm going off that you want to masturbate? You need a plan. Like for me. I’ve decided everytime I feel the urge to masturbate I’m going exercise or leave the house if it’s in the evening or weekend. Get away from the situation. Also, there is free software for you computer called K9 protection. http://www1.k9webprotection.com/ Put it on your computer make a password that’s hard to remember. Write it down simply for the purposes to create the account. Then delete the email you used and burn the password. Sounds drastic, I know but that way you can’t ever take it off your computer. That will help but you still have to have a plan.
Guys, if you’re married and you’ve been doing this, you need to tell your wives everything. I realize many of you are dealing with sexless marriages but this is not the answer. I would suggest doing this with a counselor present as there will need to be help communicating and figuring out how to deal with the after effects of what’s happened. If you’re keeping secrets, you’re killing intimacy with your wife. If you have very little intimacy then you can count on not having very much sex. The only way to get it back is for both of you to be honest. It will hurt, it won’t be easy, it will take time to heal but it will be worth it. Both of you need to agree that divorce is not an option and that repairing what’s broken and filling what’s missing are the only solutions.
You are not alone!!! Over 90% of men have viewed porn and my guess is they masturbated too. You must forgive yourself as God continues to forgive you. I challenge all of you to talk about this with your male friends. Supporting one another and being able to talk to someone who knows how you feel is so important. Now, if your friend sees no issue with it then you need to distance yourself from them. They will only enable you to do it in the future. So find someone who is a follower of Christ and chances are you will both be able to help one another.
Never give up! It’s easy to get discouraged if you slip up and return to this habit. Let’s face it, sexual desire is a natural feeling. But we need to harness it and direct it all toward a loving, committed relationship and share all that we have with that person. Sex and desire were meant for two, not one. Use it the right way. When you only desire your wife and put all your energy into pleasing her, your relationship will grow and grow. When we do it God’s way, we get the fruit that comes with that; a loving, fulfilling, lasting, healthy, intimate marriage. For those of you who are single, think of your abstinence as training. Your training yourself to be a husband. So when you have the desire, use the escape plan, but also think about your future wife and great it will be when you get to share yourself with her and how special she will feel knowing you’ve been waiting for her.
It’s crazy, stupid, ridiculous that we have to deal with this, I know. I get sick of waiting too. I just want to be married and have sex all the time. For whatever reason, God has other plans and as Jesus said, seek first the kingdom of God and all the rest will be given to you.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord look upon you with favor and give you His Peace. Amen! I love you, brothers and I’m fighting with you!
I feel like I would need to have my legs and arms gone in order to stop this addiction. It’s harder for me than others to stop. I’m wheelchair bound and unable to run (or work) this sexual tension off. I have so much desire for a spouse/relationship and get so easily triggered by the littlest things about women. I fall into traps like reading sexual things, or viewing immoral pictures every so often, but I keep striving to improve. How do I so easily lose my self control? I feel all nice and clean after confessing to my Bishop then I just go screw things up and feel like a pile of garbage. Please if I could get any prayers I’d be so grateful. Farewell and wish me luck in this journey of mortality.
What a horrible article. You admit that the Bible doesn’t condemn masturbstion, yet in your self-righteous Phariseeism, you condemn what the Bible does not! Shaming people for a normal, healthy activity is spiritual violence. According to Barna Research Group, over 31 million people have left our churches, many of them due to such unfounded moralistic rules. We must quit inducing guilt and teach people to love. My heart goes out to these people who are expected to hate their own God-given bodies in the name of God!
I used everything expect medication but nothing progress happens …and after week it again start ..die to this I m not completely focused on my study and I goes in depression
.so plz if u have any solution about it then plz informe me .I would very thankful to you.
I thought I had Kicked the habit but the habit came back. Not good need strategy
Thanks so much for reaching out. Have you tried our 40 day challenge? https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/4165-overcome-porn-the-40-day-challenge
Thank you forgiving me hope l m struggling please pray for me l m jamson
I really want to stop masturbating but the kind of images and desires I figured in my mind triggers my urge to masturbate. sometimes I kinda think that sex is the only way I can get out of this I hope that God forgive me my sins and help me get out of this I don’t like it anymore.
Looks like I’m 4 years to late to respond everybody’s year is 2016? This is 2020 hope this site is still open but yes It’s a struggle for me. I can go a couple or weeks read scriptures it will just come over me the feeling I dont read magazines for it I dont watch porn I just visualize in my mind. I want help to stop I dont want to go to hell for any sexual sins.
Thank you for reaching out. Have you told anyone else about this struggle? I have found that when I am struggling, keeping it to myself only makes things worse. That being said, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your struggles with them! Ask them to pray for you and check in regularly to see how you are doing. Accountability is one of the greatest tools in recovery.
Ultimately, continue praying and reading Scripture! We serve an amazing God.
What you saying is true….well its my first time seeing this article and it seems helpful let me meditate Upon This Infor
Hope you will help me stop being a slave of this THING
Being free from porn IS possible! Do you have a friend, mentor, or church leader whom you can reach out to and ask for accountability? For many, having another person to walk alongside you makes all the difference. I also want to encourage you to dive into prayer and Scripture and ask God to give you the strength. REmoving triggers and temptations from your life WILL help, but a change of heart is essential to finding freedom from porn.
It’s really true but my problem now is I can’t resist from porn videos
With God i can doooooo it
starting from tpdaaaaay
I think if a person wants to find victory over masturbation for the long-term, he or she has to find healthy outlets, healthy inlets, and work on healing the deeper hurts.
Deeper hurts – you already addressed this when you talk about the longings. What is the undercurrent that drives our desire to act out sexually. But also, what are the hurts and the woundings you have that need God’s healing touch?
Healthy Outlets – When we take the energy we have been pouring into sexual things and direct it into healthy directions, the pull to masturbate lessens. Since masturbation is so inward and so selfish, anytime we are pouring ourselves outward toward others and toward healthy habits it’s going to help.
Healthy Inlets – We have to make sure that we’re feeding ourselves with the right things – healthy things. The Word of God. Relationships that build us up. Good media. Good interaction with our spouse, or those that are close to us. Even reading books or listening to podcasts on sexual purity will help us put good things in.
Pour good things in. Pour good things out.
Good topic, Luke – one that so many have questions on, and struggle greatly with.
can I make friends with u,I also need some help that can let me get rid of it.
I know I’m not alone, many other men my age are struggling with this problem. I’ve masturbated so much, I can’t recall how much I’ve done it. Too much! It’s an internal struggle I have and I hope I can be cured from it with the power of Jesus Christ. I never give up on Jesus. Pray for me that I may get better!
I have really tried to avoid this but it has not been possible for me. What I know that nothign is imposssible with GOD. Pray for me.
frst of all i ll say that its very important to ask our self ‘why?’ why do i do that ? at very last u ll conclude that.its been fit in our subconcious mind .& when anything get fit in our s.mind then its very hard to remove, but again if u ask que to ur self that ‘why’? u ll get the the root cause of prblm.thats our mind follow the joy.weather it get from ri8 or wrong things its just follow.
finally we ll have to sacrify that joy for achive something .for our target to become something.& ll ve to focus and imagine the side effect of its.do this every time.u r s.concious mind ll accept it and u ll be free from that habbit.and then see the world.it ll be different!!
I just wish God will help me fight this musturbation thing because i have been doing that since i was in grade 10 and now i want to stop. Every time i find myself musturbation and i really cant tell anyone that because its embarrassing. But im gonna do all those three steps and hope God forgives me. The worst thing is that im not a man im a female
Hey there. God loves you and forgives you, NO MATTER WHAT. You don’t have to wait til you’re perfect! God loves you RIGHT NOW. Masturbation is a really normal sexual activity, and even a super conservative person like James Dobson will say so. It’s normal for women as well as men. Of course, anything normal can be taken to extremes: food, exercise, sex. But there is no reason for us to be afraid that God’s love and forgiveness are dependent on our behavior. And there’s no reason to be ashamed. We are perfectly loved, safe, and chosen at all times–and I think the knowledge and experience of that love is the one thing that gives us freedom and peace. Shame only drives us deeper into addictive cycles, looking for the way to feel okay about ourselves since WE ALL KNOW we can’t be perfect! Peace to you, Kay
Please help me I am a virgin ag 25 but I do masturbate I have tried to stop it both in prayers and seed sowing believing God to help me stop it to no avail please I need your advice,and prayers on what to do ,is only the things hindering me to serve God in spirit and truth what do I do ?
Hi, Jeff – I don’t want to overspiritualize this, so I’ll say it this way. Keep your hands off your private parts! Get more practical in your approach:
1. What was the trigger?
2. How did I respond to the trigger?
3. How will I respond next time?
If it happens in a certain place, don’t go there. If it happens by watching porn on a certain device, get rid of it. Become an investigator of your behaviors, learn from them, study them, and then head a new direction. I’m confident God will bless your practical effort.
Peace to you, Chris
but even if i pray the desire is there
Just believe in the power of love it can changes evarything
Love is a miracle! So many of us believe that if we just shame ourselves enough, that will make us change, when in fact, the exact opposite is true: only Love gives us the strength and courage to be with our pain in healthy ways that allow us to make better choices. Thanks for sharing!
I everyday use to it… I am addicted of masturbating since I am 13 years of age now im turning 24.I always say to myself that I could stop here but I can’t.. I really tired of being addict of masturbate… please pray for me too :’-(
Hi, Kier – at some point, you have to make a decision. I don’t know what else to tell you other than you’re stronger than you think you are. Do you have a deep-rooted desire to quit? No one can make you stop masturbating. It’s you, God’s help, your will, a daily decision, speaking openly with someone, identifying triggers, texting a friend when you’re struggling. I truly hope the best for you. May God give you grace. May grace guide your efforts. And, may your efforts succeed.
I think this article is really helpful, but I still have questions.
Being a teenager, I know that my body is producing more hormones than it will at any other time in my life. This has previously led to porn (a problem that is starting to heal after months of sobriety), and now to masturbation.
The opinions of teenage masturbation differ greatly (http://bit.ly/dBWavL), but I know it will continue after this ‘flood’ of hormones ends. How do I deal with this when all other sexual outlets are closed off?
Thanks for the article: God bless.
@Matt – Good question. I agree that masturbation itself is not a sin issue. God does not call masturbation a sin. He does, however, call lust a sin. If masturbation is intimately tied to lust for you, which it often is, then you must either quit mental and physical habits that lead to masturbation, or you must divorce the act of masturbation from lust (which some claim is possible for them).
Bear in mind, God holds us to His standards for sexuality no matter our age. I do think when God speaks of “youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22), He is acknowledging just how alive a young man’s sex drive can be, but nonetheless he calls young men to “flee” from such lusts. The wonderful news is Christ’s power to overcome sin is give to His children regardless of age. As His child, you are no longer defined by your struggle with lust: you belong to Him and His strength is made perfect in your weakness.
Here’s a quote from Mark Driscoll’s book, Porn Again Christian, which might be helpful to you:
“Question: I am a single man who has a very strong sexual desire and do masturbate upon occasion to prevent a lack of self-control that would lead to lustful and sinful actions. When I masturbate I am not lusting, so is this okay?
Answer: First, I would encourage you to be working toward marriage since you are obviously not built by God to endure a life of singleness. Second, I would be very cautious in evaluating your heart since only you truly know if you are lusting when you masturbate. Third, it seems possible but unlikely to be sexually aroused without sexual thoughts; I guess you could think of tractors or something to divert yourself, which seems peculiar but not evil. Fourth, I would be careful to ensure that your masturbation does not lead you into pornography and other sins if/when it becomes unsatisfying.”
I encourage you to read the whole chapter he has on masturbation.
Please i need help..i have tried to stop maaturbation for a long period.it works at times but when am alone it set in..please help me out am tired of it .it makes me look helpless and makes me as if am a failure..
Hello – I’m so sorry that you feel overwhelmed. Many times, for those who want to stop, they are not able to do so unless they are really serious about stopping. That means removing all of the doorways to the porn that go with the masturbation and also getting serious about having another trusted person to talk to about this – accountability. Life is meant to be lived openly and honestly. Masturbation will keep pulling you back into the secret and dark unless you intentionally keep it out in the light and work very, very hard. It won’t go away easily, but IT IS POSSIBLE TO BREAK FREE!
I have tried my best and have tried other options from other people but I still go back to do it …I feel like killing my self because of it …I wish it will just happen like magic and stop.!!!
Hello – I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Unique. Unrepeatable. Please find someone you can talk to about your struggles. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, and you start to have suicidal feelings again, promise me you’ll call this number: 1-800-273-8255, if you are in the United States. They also have a chat feature that always has someone there to respond.
God is for you! You can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you (can you go read that right now?). The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this.
To Chris McKenna …. when you say “why do you think God owes you this and that the other”….are you speaking corm a frustrated parents approach? If God gave you a powerful sex drive did He do so as a curse or punishment? or in the hope that at some point that will come to good use in your marriage? what is your angle? it sounds very self-righteous to me and makes me think you reaaaally know God’s plan for everyone. You must be quite the oracle…..so tell me please….is a powerful sex drive a curse from God? as long as it is unsatisfied ? and don’t be a coward and hide behind even more rhetorical questions or lame explanations. You made a pretentious claim. Defend it!
There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. Rejoice and be glad in it!
Well this is the one thing that god really showed me conviction for, even really early on after being saved a month into. The only time so far I have been shown the fear of god, and I know for a fact that he is awaiting me now to beat this trial and walk further down the path with/in Christ. I have not hardly felt the holy spirit since and felt it tremendously before often for no reason at all. I have almost no knowledge of the bible and god’s teachings other than what I have studied in the past 2 months but I will overcome this in Jesus name, What really urks me is the real life situations at my job that really amazingly beautiful women of all ages want to flaunt around…almost like they know or sense that I am walking with Christ. Before maybe I was just less sensitive but now they are truly teasing me and giving me undeniable attention like never before. Almost like a married man that all the youthful half dressed beauties go after and at least attempt to get a rise from or attention, the truth is all women liked to be looked at and it truly can be disasterous in this immoral world we live in today. Stand up against hardships and god will reward you generously, but do it for the right reasons and it is possible, if you do it just to go to heaven you will surely fail. Know that you are holding your life back from what you could truly achieve at maybe 50% just as a drunkard or a druggie its a different size and type of needle/bottle. Think of it as such helps me, instead of thinking of it as something you might justify think of it as gross and intolerant to your own being and purpose as well as gods. Saying such be careful to as well not become self-righteous but moral and conscience of your thoughts is all. God gave us morals and wisdom you just have to break through the bad to reach the potential he gave to us naturally at birth. FREEDOM ISN’T FREE!
The Bible talks about the sin of h”sexual immortality; awakening sexual desires before it’s time. It may not be intercourse, but it’s still sexual pleasure before it’s time. This is something that I’ve c been praying about. I will be delivered, in the name of Jesus, as I made this promise to my soon to be husband. I don’t want to continue with this soon. Pray for me everyone!
Considering that facetious remark, you must not have a renewed mind (i won’t say, not saved, because even when faced, our eyes are still closed in some area. It’s a process of growth!
I am 28 and have had this problem with lust and masturbation since I was 8 years old. for many years I thought that it wasn’t a problem until I hit my late 20’s. I really want this sin out of my life and gone for good!!! At times when I do give in, I feel the Holy Spirit telling me to stop and sometimes don’t listen to Him. Please Help me. I know that there are many men and woman out there with the same issue. I don’t want to lose my life and be casted into hell because I didn’t take heed to the prompting of of the Holy Spirit or listen to my pastor’s or Bishop. I’m very in fear for my soul, even though I was born again and filled with the Holy Spirit, because even though someone is filled with the Spirit you still can go to hell
Hey there. Let me offer some resources that may help.
First of all, it might be a good idea to join a group like an online one at xxxChurch, or an in-person one like Celebrate Recovery. Having the caring support of others can be so helpful when we’re trying to make changes.
Secondly, it may help you also to look at the behavioral/habitual side of the problem through a program like Candeo. They have a program for those who struggle with masturbation.
And finally, I want to tell you that God loves you and walks with you. If he can take a person like King David, who was a murderer and a serial adulterer, and call him “a man after God’s own heart” then I’m pretty sure he can help you through this struggle as well. God knows we are human, he loves us, he has grace and help for us. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. He promises that nothing can separate us from his love. I think we have to trust those promises, trust that love, to carry us through.
Fool.God forgive you. Do we live by science or de word of God.dnt blaspheme de word of God.
Michael, If your statement is true, then I have two questions for you (And you may very well be correct however.) Question one (A two part question): Is pornography a part of this act for yourself; if not, are there images and ways in which you are looking upon a woman to lust after her in your heart? Are there degradatious ways in which this act affects interpersonal relationship, specifically very close and intimate relationships? Question two: The apostle Paul speaks of taking part in meat offered to idols. He explains that it may be completely expedient (lawful or non-harming) for the person whose conscious is not convicted about consuming the meat, since that that defiles is not what goes in the body, but what comes out. He also says that if a brother stumbles (falters in conscience or faith) than for him to eat the meat, it would be sin; because he violated his own conscience. Here is the question: How are so many men convicted in their conscience? Because if they are, it has become sin. If it hasn’t, I dare say, that most likely the first question is probably answered in the affirmative and that person is either not convicted because they are not a believer, or that they are still a baby in the faith that has not understood the error in this practice.
Does that make sense? There is one other possible side to this. That there is really nothing wrong with it and that we men all need to be enlightened; but then again, if it’s a conscience issue, it has become sin.
There is no “magic” word or bible verse that will eliminate lust or masturbation or pornography. There’s a GREAT book called,
“Healing the wounds of Sexual Addiction”
There is a section in the book that talks about playing Michael Jordan 1 on 1 and how I will lose EVERY time. Then it talks about getting a friend and playing Michael Jordan 2 on 1. We will STILL lose. Then another friend joins and now it’s 3 on 1. It will be harder for Jordan to win, but he will probably still take us. Get ANOTHER friend and now it’s 4 on 1 then 5 on 1. Sooner or later, WE will beat him.
It goes on to say that Michael Jordan in the story represents Pornography/Masturbation. When we attempt to fight it alone, we will ALWAYS lose. We need players on our team. What are players?
Books that deal with the subject (Healing the wounds of sexual addiction…False Intimacy…Don’t Call it Love..etc)
Filter on computer
Attending SA or another 12 step group
Therapy to deal with the subject
Burning ALL bridges that lead to porn. (CELL PHONES and iPods as well)
ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS that are NOT affraid to ask you..DID YOU LOOK AT PORN!
It’s through the connection of OTHERS that any real victory over this is possible. All the “players” on the team are important to beat the Michael Jordan of sin. Alone, we will ALWAYS lose to him.
God bless all.
The following are the effects of masturbation.
1. It reduces manpower
2. It reduces love for the opposite sex
3. It leads to prostate cancer in males
4. It may lead to homosexuality
5. It reduces life span
Stop masturbation in order to be free from the above. Make it your aim to stop the habit.
God can deliver all of you from masturbation. It is a sin and it will cause a person to lose their soul and burn in hell. However, God loves us all. Repent…Tell the God you’re sorry for sinning against him, asked him to come into your life and fill you with the Holy Ghost. God can deliver and keep you. God can do anything, but fail! You can do it! Jesus is soon to come, now is the time
There is a great Jesus based course that helps with pornography and masturbation addiction. It’s settingcaptivesfree.com. I did it last year and it helped a ton
@will – Yeah, that is a great course. I interviewed the founders, Mike and Jody Cleveland, not too long ago. You should listen to the podcasts (part 1 and part 2).
You people are sick.
Only god has the right to judge, are you not saved? Or are you a holier than thou revieller, regardless of which you become what you judge! Love is so much stronger than hate, Rise above don’t falter to others. Jesus loves you mate, may god bless you!
Sick with sin. That is why we’re Christians. Because we know it.
M fighting this battle for a long time.thnk u .twas very helpful
I need more than help to stop this.!!!!
There is no scientific evidence that obtaining from masturbation leads to eventual nocturnal emission. In fact, some people never experience ONE. There are many healthy benefits to masturbating. It frequently recycles stagnant sperm and even helps to prevent prostate cancer. Don’t try to fool yourself into thinking that trying to force yourself to fight against your body’s natural functions and needs is going to do anything more than hurt you and make you irritable/miserable. Just try and stop a sneeze. Abstain from that and see what happens. Furthermore, I’m willing to bet that the guy who wrote this did so in hypocrisy. NOBODY can completely break the ‘habit’ because it isn’t a ‘habit.’ It’s a biological need that you’re squelching. It makes me sick that people are trying to teach these mentally vulnerable kids this kind of stuff.
You are right that many people never experience a nocturnal emission.
This post assumes the person is masturbating as a means to fulfill lust. If that is not the case for someone, then I don’t believe there is a problem with masturbation.
The way I look I look at it, people are lustful by nature and masturbation is a way of fulfilling that lust without harming anybody else.
By the way, I understand that this is a Christian website built on traditional beliefs. I’m currently a believer but with what I’d consider more progressive views. I’d like to thank you for allowing me to voice my opinion. I understand that all comments are screened and it’s extremely cool that you let mine through to have a gentlemanly discussion.
As for your progressive beliefs, what principles guide your progress? That is, when examine traditional beliefs taught in the Scriptures, what principles do you use to say, “This traditional belief is true, but this one is false”? Just curious.
I would challenge you about the notion of harm. You stated, “people are lustful by nature and masturbation is a way of fulfilling that lust without harming anybody else.” What if, by giving into lust, you are harming yourself? I’m not asking if you actually believe you are harming yourself. Rather, I’m asking, if harm is what determines right and wrong, would harming yourself also mean that what you are doing is wrong? Or is there some other principle at work here?
OK… first off, let me make this point: Long ago, the ‘nocturnal emissions’ that are spoken of by nearly every Christian outlet as being God’s intended way to relieve (if I may) buildup used to be considered unclean also. Though involuntary, it still arouses with ‘lustful’ imagery to lead to a (again, if I may) climax. In a lot of those cases, the images your brain produces in those dreams deal with real-world people that you find attractive. Therefore, if conscious masturbation is wrong, even through ‘involuntary,’ I can’t see how ‘nocturnal emissions’ are any better.
As I was preparing to answer this, I read a few passages that talked about lust… While it is the opinion of most that to lust after somebody means to… well, we all know what this is about… but when Jesus speaks about lusting after a woman (…looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery), I was given the distinct impression that he was more or less talking about wishing to take possession of somebody else’s wife, not some poor hormonally charged kid getting his fancies on the internet.
Where things turn south, I think, is when it becomes a habit to the point that it’s interfering with the rest of your life, though few people actually get to that level. I think it’s a very natural thing that’s always been around, LONG before the internet and the big deal that people make about it doesn’t serve to do anything but confuse people and interfere with their natural sexual development.
Though it should have little baring on my opinion, I’m 20… in that twenty years, I’ve experienced many traumatic conflicts because of faith to the point that I almost abandoned it… (I’m still not completely out of that water… but that’s beside the point, I think.) This was one of those things. I got to the point of crying in the floor and promising God I’d never do it again. After many failed attempts and more crying, I got tired of feeling guilty and came to the conclusion that God wasn’t sitting up there waiting to punish me and millions of other teenagers for something as mundane (yes, MUNDANE) as masturbation and I still think that’s true. I don’t think it’s a sin and I don’t think it’s wrong or harmful (normally) and that is my stance.
On a side note, a chemical is actually released in the brain upon climax that serves to let you know it’s time to stop. This often creates sensations of guilt in people that are predisposed to those feelings.
Hi Adam. I’d love to hear your take on my new post dealing with some of the nuances of this topic. It’s called, “Can you masturbate without lusting?“
No Adam, teaching kids,(or adults for that matter) that it’s OK to engage in any kind of sexual activity outside of matrimony is what should make you ‘sick”! it should ALSO make you sick that public schools are passing out condoms to GRADE SCHOOLERS and teaching them deviant lifestyles and activities are also “OK” for crying out loud, all done in the name of PC nonsense and a humanist, nihilistic worldview! Where is the scientific evidence that masturbation is a “normal” bodily function??
God made man in his likeness and Image and since God is spirit it means man too has a spiritual side and the spiritual controls the physical so you can overcome masturbation which most often associated with lust.A true Christain is one who knows even though he lives in the world he is not of the world because he has a spiritual origin.calling it a drive is one thing but for the fact that if is not like oxygen means it can be if not God would have made it verry premordial.One of the greatest drives in man is sex will you advise people to be slaves to it because its a biological drive?so masturbation which is almost always linked to lust should be stopped.It can be stopped through effective and fervent prayer.Read 2corinthians 10:4(masturbation can be a strong hold).Christ death and ressurection gave us power over are sin.I called maturbation a sin because it always has a link with lost n Jesus said in the bible thinking about some one sexually in your mine is already fornication or adultery depending on the thinker.Behold he gave us authority to trample on the serpent and dragons etc and to overcome the forces of darkness.God bless you and give an understanding of him as you read this.
im a teenage man, i really need your help i am Christian.. believer of Christ. Masturbation knocks me up whenever i am alone, angry , stressed. i want to escape this immorality in my mind . i want to be used by God for his glory . please response . thank you
Thanks for your question. I highly recommend you check out our “Struggling” tab. You’ll find lots of great resources to read, listen to, and watch about breaking free from lust.
Zach, you can take this with a grain of salt if you like. Your beliefs are your own and you need not listen to mine if you don’t wish to but I’d really appreciate it if you’d give be the benefit of the doubt, OK?
After a person masturbates, the brain releases these things called ‘endorphins.’ Without getting too technical, their main function is to make you feel good. If you are stressed or angry, they can help to curb those feelings. There is nothing immoral about masturbation. It’s a natural thing that everybody does and if they say they don’t, they aren’t telling you the truth.
Besides making you fell good, masturbation also serves you in other positive ways. Research suggests that regular masturbation drastically reduces the likelihood of prostate cancer occurring in your body. It also serves to replace dead or heavily degenerated sperm cells and keeps the bodies testosterone level from building, which keeps those hormonally charged urges under (better) control. (It’s also thought that the lack of regular masturbation may lead to problems like erectile dysfunction later in life.)
Now, if masturbation has all those benefits and the lack of masturbation has all those drawbacks, don’t you think it’s a little flawed to assume that God, the one who is supposed to have created the human body, would consider it immoral for you to utilize your bodies natural, built in fail safes? It isn’t even confined to humans. Every living mammal masturbates. Think about it, OK? Please.
dont worry Zach bud…it used to happen to me I need you to pray to THE LORD OF HOSTS ask Him for forgiveness and ask Him to cleanse you and give you a new mind and renew you and be strong in Christ Jesus Our Lord…I’m a teenager too and I feel what you are going through
Zach can u help by adding me on Facebook… loveday chiwuike.
Adam, I’d just like to make a comment. I understand where you’re coming from with all of the health benefits. Sure, those facts have all been proven true.
But those aren’t good reasons for justifying masturbation. I’m sorry but I’ve never really heard of anyone masturbating to benefit just their health or their body. We feel compelled to please ourselves because it feels good and a lot of times it’s related to desiring that pleasure from someone else. But seeking that desire outside of marriage isn’t what god intended because it isnt real love. I think what you said about the benefits of masturbation are true but that’s why god gave us sex instead. It’s something fulfilling and designed to be holy for us to share with our partners. And I think that’s where a lot of that guilt comes from, the shame in going against God’s plan. Why would God give us/approve of masturbation when he’s given us the gift of companionship and presented us with numerous scriptures about husbands and wives? If He wanted us to masturbate or was perfectly OK with it, then there would be no need for partners.
Saying no to pleasing myself is worth it so that I can wait for the right man to come along and contribute to our loving marriage in the marriage bed (:
I’ve read many forums(not all Christian) declaring that masturbation is perfectly normal. But just because society has presented us with that notion doesn’t mean we should succumb to it. I recognize all your reasons as the same ones i’ve read about that have helped confuse me and at times make me feel better about my actions. But it just comes down to my relationship with God. And I believe there’s a reason I feel guilty afterward. Living the life of a christian isnt always easy and this is part of the battle.
Sorry for the rant! Just wanted to throw my own opinions out there and maybe help give perspective from a female who’s struggled.
And to clarify, not every living mammal masturbates. Not even every living male mammal!
I like to think I’ve been very analytical and calm while discussing this issue. I can no longer do so, as I’m very passionate about this cause (as strange as that may seem) and wish to speak with passion, if I may, for a moment.
Reading through question forums like Yahoo Answers, I run across many queries that disturb me and answers that make me physically sick to read. The questions in… question… are usually ones like “is it a sin to masturbate,” “will I go to hell if I watch porn,” and “does god still love me if I masturbate.” The most outrageous answer to one of those questions (which was voted the ‘best’) had the kid convinced that God would kill him to prevent him from sinning… Yeah, I’m sure that didn’t scare the living crap out of him.
By reading your reply, I am going to assume you are female (as you spoke about finding “the right man”). If that assumption is wrong, I apologize but for the sake of argument, I’m going to go forth with that assumption. I can’t speak for females who masturbate, though I think it’s as normal as anything else. I wonder how big the biological urges are for women, though, given that there are tons of questions on said sites that ask things like “what is masturbation?” A man would never ask that question because it’s nearly an instinct to us. I found out about it in a very natural way, not through snickering children on the playground or somebody answering my question about it online. That is the case for nearly EVERYBODY I’ve spoken to, also.
If God thinks masturbation is so wrong, why is there no solid passage addressing it and not just a bunch of vague scriptures that people have to practically cut up into scrabble pieces to make them fit their argument? Many men throughout history have used such vague passages for their own sinister purposes and this is no different. In my humble opinion, it isn’t a sin. People need to stop scaring their kids and let them get on with their NORMAL lives. When you get older, things calm down in that department and I suppose it’s easy for parents to forget their own teenage years.
From my experience, I’ve never had parents that got onto me for this so I’m not bitter. I’ve had friends who’s parents were (what I consider to be) overly-fanatical in their religious practices and said some very damaging things to him on this and other subjects. I had to be the voice of reason. I wish I could be the voice of reason for every kid who’s had their head filled with this nonsense. Hopefully I’ve reached out to a few of them with my messages on here.
Guys (and girls!), please don’t be afraid. Don’t feel abnormal. Don’t fear for your soul. It is a natural part of being human. It’s a natural biological need. There are many articles about the benefits of masturbation. Some even state that masturbation and (gasp!) porn can make a marriage last longer, as it makes the men less likely to grow tired of their wife by giving him verity without introducing infidelity. Jesus acted as a human on earth for thirty-three years. I don’t believe for one minute, if he’s supposed to be acting as our moderator, that God doesn’t understand and accept this behavior. If he made us and methodically constructed us from the ground up, why on EARTH would he design our bodies to conflict with his vision?
I think you are correct that masturbation, in an of itself, is not sinful. The Bible does not say anything about it. It would be unwise to label it as sinful.
Lust, however, is sinful (according to a Christian perspective). As I wrote in another post, the mental habits that often attend masturbation are the problem. Lust does not go hand-in-hand with masturbation all the time, and for this reason it is unwise to say that masturbation is itself a sin.
If a person feels some guilt over masturbation, it is best to help them reconsider the catalyst of their guilt. To feel guilt over ejaculation is really unhelpful. The focus of one’s attention should not be on the physical act, but the habits of lust underneath.
You are right about another thing: God did not design our bodies to conflict with his vision for our lives. We are meant to enjoy sex. But we are also meant to enjoy all that sex entails, non just the physical aspects of it. From a Christian perspective, God designed sexuality to be a bonding experience, an expression of self-giving. This is one reason why lust is so insidious: it projects the imagination into a bonding experience with another person with whom you have no life commitment. The sex God has given us to experience is an experience of oneness with another person. Lust takes us away from that.
So, God did not wire us for lust and pornography. He wired us for intimacy, sexual intimacy included. To claim that lusting after the women in pornography helps a couple bond with each other not only goes against what God has revealed in the Bible, it also goes against what he has revealed in the psychology of human sexuality.
Take for example a great study that came out in 2011 in The Journal of Sex Research after hundreds of interviews were conducted among college students. For both men and women, the frequency of viewing pornography was correlated with more casual sexual relationships. For men specifically, frequency of viewing pornography was correlated with a lower satisfaction with sex and relationships. For both men and women, those who reported using more types of pornography also reported more intercourse partners and more casual sex partners.
There are many studies like these out there. The point is that pornography trains our minds with new sexual beliefs and expectations. This kind of lust bonds us, not to one woman who we are called to love and serve, but to pixels on a screen.
That is not the kind of man I want to be.
I am with you KELSEY personally I think that one feels weaker when he masterbates because after one time you do it you need atleast one week recover all your energy which you released in the form of sperm
One feels tired after masturbation and he just wants to go to sleep.
Scientifically 1 drop of sperm is equal to 100 drops of blood.So how much blood one is wasting.
And it affects you in the just the same way as pornography.Basically masturbation is almost about porn.When you not watch porn and masterbate its the same thing.Instead watch porn but don’t masterbate that would be better.Even masterbating after 1 2 or 3 months is also a bad habit.
I think that’s enough to criticize masterbation
I agree with kesley,not all mammals musterbate,infact human beings were given wisdom to distinguish good and evil but they are doing worse thngs than some mammals which do not know wat is good and evil.We should seek God’s deliverance and his forgiveness
P.S. I didn’t read your post thoroughly enough, apparently. I’m sorry for completely missing the “female who’s struggled” line.
Here is another take on what Jesus said. What if he meant that if you lust after a woman you committed adultery was directed at the ones accusing others of their sin of lust?He’s saying here that you can not be on your high horse of not commuting adultery because we all have looked at the opposite sex in lust. And if someone tells you otherwise that they don’t lust – think again. They are also being a liar. Tread carefully around them. They might also have other schemes and motives up their sleeves. This has been proven time and time again by our church. The leaders fall. And they mostly fall to adultery. Why? Because they have it backwards. We are sinners. We lust after others. It’s called temptation. It’s the steps you take that leads into sin or not. Just admit to yourself and others that you would like to have sex with that person you find attractive. I do. And right then and there the devil flees. It’s out in the open. The feeling goes away. Don’t hold it in and fight it. God fights it. Not us. Think.about.that.
I can tell you that I went three months without masturbation. I committed more sin in those three months than I did when I was masturbating. It even led me to having sex outside of marriage. I feel guilt when I masturbate. But that guilt is not from the soul. It’s from everyone else saying it is wrong. This whole generation of Merican’s needs to man up and grow a pair. This reserve physco babble of what was taught in this church culture is the devils work. It’s turning men back into little boys. Man up and admit you are a sinner. Sexual drives are part of the mystery of God’s working. We need to be men. Not some emasculated species that can’t openly admit our urges to others. I could go on about the internet and the way it is going to be needed not only to thrive in the years to come but also to survive. There is no escaping the exposure. People are already finding ways to counter the filters to get someone struggling with masturbation to view their work. In fact – because of the filters you will be targeted more because they know you have a speed supposed problem. Man up! If I see woman and I am attracting to her – I will admit I want to have sex with her. Am I going to act on it. No. Because I admitted it – it goes away. I’m revealed by God that she is not some goddess and beauty is fleeting. I start to see who she really is as a person. And then I treat her like a sister. Treating her like a sister while harboring sexual desires for her is determental. Looking away at a fleshy billboard consciously is weak and opens the door for the devil to get into your head. We are men. Not little boys. Let’s start acting like it. Let’s be open about our thoughts and desires to others who can help share our burdens. And that takes flat out honesty.
the thing is we humans always want to defend our actions whether good or bad. pornography, without giving it a thought is devilish. why should people who wear clothes decide at normal days to be naked on the internet? or why should married couple decide to show off their sexual intercourse? to me it is just abnormal. or is one’s sexual life suppose to be made public? hide your sexual intercourse and there will not be anything called pornography. to sum it up, sin is an invention not a creation.
I’m not sure I agree with that study, as it could very well be working backwards as well. By that I mean the promiscuous nature of the people involved could have influenced their porn usage and not the other way around. I’ve read the passages about lust that everybody mentions and I just don’t see anything there that validates the way people use them. Lust seems more like a term for coveting than anything else. I mean, who among men believe that their imagined fantasy is in love with them?
It isn’t about love, it isn’t about feeling close to anybody. All that remains intact and separated in healthy individuals. I’m quite capable of feeling an unshakable love and closeness with another human being while maintaining a regular, healthy regiment of make-believe hanky panky.
As humans, we are able to use that big, squishy thing floating around inside of our skulls to conjure up anything we please in what we’ve decided to refer to as our imagination. It’s a gift, as far as I’m concerned, just as long as you don’t spend all your time in there.
People, throughout history have had a tendency to demonize any sexual behavior as deviant. I think this argument is really just one of the last diluted remnants of fear and forced-modesty. In time (I hope), it’ll die out, like women being forbidden to show their ankles.
For Adam: it seems to me that you don’t really want to know whether masturbation is a sin or not or why you should abstain from it. Rather, it seems you are here to justify your case. Scriptural evidence are not opinions. Don’t you think those of us who used to enjoy masturbating want to justify it too?! But you can learn the easy way or the hard way, like most of us here. If you truly believe you are right (keep in mind God knows your heart though you may be trying to fool yourself and others), then why argue the point so much in repetitive vigor? You have made your points, mostly accusations, scientific evidence and challenges to the Scriptures–however, those are your points. However, God’s Word is constant. Believe what you will of course m but for your sake, make sure you’re being honest with yourself. We [sinful people of God] just want to help you and others, not start a fight.
I’ve been a widower for 2 1/2 years. Is it wrong for me to fantasize about relations with my wife and masturbate? We were married 39 years.
No, it is not.
I’m sorry for your loss, Joe. I can’t imagine how you must feel, especially after being married for thirty-nine years. How old were you when you ‘took the plunge,’ if you don’t mind me asking?
OK. On to your question. Do I think it’s wrong for you to fantasize about your wife and masturbate? No. No, I don’t. Here’s what it boils down to: Does it make you feel uncomfortable because she’s no longer living or because you think she would judge you? If its the former, that’s legitimate. It takes time to heal and come to terms with loss (so I’ve heard . . . Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any significant loss yet). If it’s the latter, do you think it would offend her? Do you think she would mind? I didn’t know her but I have a susspicion that she wouldn’t.
Injecting my opinion further, I don’t think it’s particularly wrong to fantasize about anybody if you feel comfortable doing so. We have a short time on this planet and we as humans have the ability to express ourselves however we see fit. Don’t be ashamed to do what you feel (as long as it doesn’t endanger you or others). I hope you find peace, Joe.
For those who replied to Joe, I posted my own reply in this post. He and I have had a great conversation over e-mail in the last week or so.
I am sorry for your loss.But friend seriously???Masterbation is an act of immaturity.Have you ever seen big business men or sensible people masterbating?There shouldn’t be that much.And for your age I personally believe you are quite old enough to do such things.Instead you should marry again and begin your life again.
Getting into porn/masturbation were the worst decisions I made in my entire life. I live to regret ever indulging myself in both vices, and will the rest of my life now. I truly wish i could turn back time, and start over without these two addictions ever entering my life or my mind. I am not a Christian, but I believe that porn and masturbation are evil and can ruin ones life with the power of temptation.
For those who have control over it, it might not be harmful, but for those who cannot control themselves, it has the potential to ruin your life, as it did mine.
I used both porn and masturbating to “escape” all the problems in my life. I seriously wish now that i would have found much more productive ways to escape my pain.
I was also suffering from habit of excess of masturbation and I think it`s very normal for boys to get addicted of it during their teen age which continues till their marriage or beyond in some cases. I think in many cases it affect their sex life.
When I was 10 years old I got into bad company and without knowing anything about sex I somehow got involved in masturbation. I started doing it more frequently when I entered into teen age i.e. 13 years.
By 14 I started disliking it, like every other person I use to think that this will affect by marriage life however a habit is a habit it doesn’t go off easily and later-on porn sites made it worse.
I use to Google for how to leave this habit but I didn’t find anything concrete. I know every problem has a solution and one fine day when I was thinking about how to leave this I found a way. Which I would like to share with everyone.
1st of all masturbation is not bad but you should have control over it, do it only when you are exited.
I took a pocket calendar (something which you can keep in your pocket, you can get this in any stationary shop)
and I stared marking on the calendar with a cross on the date whenever I masturbate. The aim was to keep a track of how many times I masturbate in a month and reduce it slowly. It’s a human tendency to improve by looking at the earlier records. I wanted to make it a game and who doesn’t want to win a game and offcouse I was young I do not like to lose.
For the 1st month I didn’t do anything I just marked on the calendar whenever I masturbate, the count was 18 this was really shocking for me almost alternate days. I said fine next month I am not going to cross 16 and for the 2nd month the count was 15 that was a challenging task as I was too much involved in masturbation but I was happy looking at the small step towards a big victory.
3rd month the count was nearly 12, 4th month it was again 15, 5th month it again went around 12, 6th month 10, 7th month 12, It was becoming little difficult for me to reduce it below 10 but I was happy I reduce it till 10 in 7 months.
I still wanted to get more control and wanted to reduce it to 4 times a month.
It became a game for me whenever I wanted to masturbate I use to look at the calendar and try to control it, It worked at many occasion.
I continued this and it took me 1 year and 5 month to reduce my count to 3 or 4 now things are in my control I masturbate whenever I feel excited, which is the right thing.
The only thing you need is a little will power I repeat a “little” the calendar will generate results for you.
Access of anything is bad you should masturbate but not more than 4-5 times a month which is roughly once in a week.
I think you can apply this method to leave any habits like watching porn, smoking or drinking too much. There is no medication for habit you just need a small will power.
Good Luck! and do share you experience or results, this will surely encourage other as well.
That’s a great suggestion! However, I’d actually encourage you to quit the habit completely, not just leave it at 3-4 times a month. Porn only serves to build up a tolerance to more porn…whenever you choose to get married, your spouse will still be unable to compete with the images you’ve trained yourself to use. Even in small doses, porn just kicks up the need for more porn. (For more details, go read The Porn Circuit.)
When Michael Leahy was on tour for Porn University, college students would come up and ask if just using porn every few weeks was okay. After all, it’s in moderation, right? His response is great: “What if I just beat my wife every once in a while? That would be okay, right?” Like spouse abuse, porn use is never okay.
Again, I’m glad you’ve found a method that helps you cut back! Now keep working until you cut porn use out completely.
It sounds like you learned to masturbate without dependence upon pornography, which I too found to be KEY as well as the MORAL CERTAINTY as even Luke says, that masturbation in itself isn’t sinful, but actually healthful and serves some valid purposes in both males and females. If you are a young man, I think a couple times a week is healthy. There are women here who don’t realize that regular ejaculation is a legitimate male need, esp. while young. (Google:” Family Man needs sex ” for link to Focus on Family article) Since God didn’t require men to only love one woman, I believe some imagery and variety is permissible, but that is between a man, his wife and his God. People who think that a man would lose his desire for his wife or reject her by comparison to an image on a screen are sincere, but are making mountains out of molehills. A normal guy will nearly always rather have real sex than some messy solo time. no comparison! And, again, commenting on another comment here, how idiotic to compare enjoyment of sexual imagery to violent battery of one’s spouse… I like stuff Adam has been saying.
Rocky, I never said masturbation is healthful and serves a valid purpose, but that the act, in an of itself, is not sinful. It is one thing to say something isn’t sinful. It is another thing to say it isn’t helpful
the calendar system is indeed a good idea and really shows how seriously committed one is to avoid masturbation. I believe that if one sincerely wants to get rid of d habit then anything is possible.
how did u stop?
the bible says i can do all things tru Christ who strenghtens me. There are times we prays against a particular sin but we do not show or demonstrate an utter hatred for it cos we are silently enjoying it. I know that this is d case for many concerning masturbation and porn. Lets sincerely show and demonstrate our loathe for ds thing and we will get to its roots by God’s grace. So help us God.
@AY: This is true. What we lack is real hatred and commitment. God bless us with power and strength to overcome lust. Be blessed.
I am Thirteen.I shouldn’t have this kind of issue.
OK, I just had to chime in here. I’ve read what Adam and Rocky have said, and is apparent to me that they both have a rather poor grasp on what the bible says regarding sexual fulfillment within marriage and God’s plan for One man and One woman.
No where in the bible does God permit us (men) to have more than one wife, or to think sexually about any other woman other than our wife. You will never find a passage where Jesus says it’s OK to marry one woman, but to carry on with another either physically or mentally at the same time.
If we think sexually or lustfully about any other woman other than our wife, we cannot possibly be giving our total selves to our wives. There would always be a part of us that is not focused on our wife, because we would be thinking about “the other woman”. The same goes with masturbation with or without any fantasy involved. If you are deriving any sexual pleasure from anyone else (including yourself) but your spouse, then you are depriving them and yourself from the fullest relationship possible relationship a man and a woman can have, and why would you ever what to have any sexual release or pleasure that doesn’t involve your spouse?
God designed sex and sexual fulfillment/release for marriage so that a man and woman could form a bond that is not possible in form or function in any other relationship. Any use of porn of fantasy within marriage denies both husband and wife, the possibility of ever having as close a bond as God meant them to have. how can you form a unbreakable bond with your spouse, if you know that you are not the only one in the world that they are getting sexual fulfillment from? How would you feel if your spouse was getting sexual satisfaction from someone other than you?
If porn or fantasy is involved, whether or not the spouse who is using it realizes it, they are subconsciously comparing their spouse with the person(s) in the porn. They begin to think; well, the person in the porn does that why won’t my spouse? I wish my spouse looked like that, I wish he/she had bigger this or smaller that. Unrealistic expectations take hold, and soon there is less and less satisfaction with their spouse.
As for masturbation when your single, I am opposed to it altogether for several reasons.
It can and most likely will be very addictive. The chemicals (endorphins) released as sexual pleasure increases form neuron-pathways in the brain, which help the brain remember what made it feel so good. After these pathways are formed, the brain will want to use them as much as possible to keep the pleasurable feeling going. This is the addictive part of the process, it is the exact same process as happens in alcoholics and drug users. Once the brain gets a few doses of it, it want more and more. This is exacerbated by any emotional pain you may have, as the pleasure release allows you to cover up and avoid what is causing you the pain.
If you can’t face and deal with your own pain how are you going to be able to help your spouse when painful situations come up? There will always be a part of you, that you keep from your spouse, which could end up destroying your marriage if you are unable to confide properly in them or them you.
Even without fantasy (as a single man with a very healthy sex drive I’m not sure how it’s possible NOT to fantasize while masturbating or why you would want to, since it’s much more stimulating with the visuals) you would still be deriving sexual pleasure/release from means not designed by God, as any and all sexual desire should be solely for your spouse
Again if you start masturbating before your married, it will be very difficult to stop during your marriage, and for the reason’s I outlined earlier your marriage will suffer greatly.
I also want to correct something else Adam stated. Endorphins DO NOT cause guilty feelings after masturbation. The guilty feeling is solely the result of doing something that you know is wrong, and against God’s design. It’s called your CONSCIENCE. That little voice that God put in all of us to tell us when we’ve done something wrong so we won’t repeat it. The problem is that many of us (including some of the people commenting here) have learned to ignore that voice, and/or have twisted God’s word to fit what we want to believe, so we can continue sinning without the guilt. It should also be said that Satan loves to chime in with his own thoughts as your feeling the guilt to intensify it as much as possible. He loves nothing more than tear someone down when they are at there weakest point. That’s how he gets the most bang for his buck.
It always saddens me when I see/hear/read about people who even though they clearly know the truth, start believing the lies that Satan puts in their heads to the point of twisting God’s word to fit their own moral failings to avoid facing them and doing the hard work involved when following God.
By the way, I know this from experience. I wasted 20 years using porn and masturbating. It got me nothing but further away from God. It also kept me isolated from real life, and prevented me from having a relationship with any woman. I have stopped using porn and masturbating regularly but still on occasion stumble. I hate when I do, but it is getting less and less frequent. I am determined to make sure I can give my a whole self to whomever the woman is that God has chosen for me.
look SCOTT masturbation does not only causes maritial problems but it also causes many weaknesses which nobody has mentioned here.Masterbation on a good or near a good occation ruins the occation.Masterbation turns a happy day into a sad day technically its oral sex.So it is a sin.What makes you do that?Every you do that you feel guilty of your close one even your gf and tired and every time you say I wished didn’t do that or the time would head back into past before I masterbated.But every time you want to feel the pleasure.You can stop it but you don’t want to.Calender trick is a good idea and it should be used to keep track.
Scott. You have really made a great point here. Nothing is impossible with God. God Bless you up.
Thank u so much Scott! U really made a great point here
I AM SO FRUSTRATED BY THIS MASTURBATION THING AND I HAVE NOOO CLUE HOW TO FIX IT.
it feels like something is latched on to my soul and sucking the good out of it every time i masturbate. im a young female alomst twenty and this is something ive been doing for almost all of my life now. yes i am a christian. and i am also a virgin. its just sooo hard.. my mind feels messed up by this. i remember once i did it when i was younger and i just lay on the floor and felt sick about it because i was confused as to whether it was wrong or right. and i prayed and God somehow revealed to me by what i was feeling that it was totally wrong. now every thing is out of control. i have tried stopping for yearssss and it just goes on and off and on and off….. sigh. i have never been soo stressed out in my life before. i have youtubed, googled, facebooked, prayed, talked, ran, everything….. and nothing seems to work. i am losing it. i dont want to do this anymore. so for the final time…..help me…someone….please. i feel like im poisoning my spirit . i hate it…..
Hi Eve, I highly recommend you speak to Jessica from Beggar’s Daughter. Her ministry is specifically to women like yourself.
I struggle with it myself. I have since I was 19 ( I know that’s kind of a late start, but then again so were other things for me as I never actually had full on sexual intercourse until I was 26). I guess at the time I was trying to find a way to fulfill lustful desires without technically having premarital sex. It just kind of branched out from there. Next thing I knew I was addicted. Whenever I was involved in a relationship I tried really hard to limit it or cease doing it all together but always stumbled and then whenever said relationships failed, I used it as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain of the break up. Once that happens it began to be seen as an alternative to healthy relationships and then got coupled in with no strings attached flings (in both cases the rationale was that they didn’t come with the risk of getting my heart broken). But lustful thoughts have a way of getting out of control and like anything,once done, the human mind has a way or rationalizing it (even if you at some level acknowledge it as wrong). So then I started allowing myself to do it even while in a commited relationship. That compromise eventually led me to have deeper urges to want to get physical with women outside the relationship (not always in a sexual way. I have to admit I love kissing and have a hard time with the idea of only kissing one person for life. I have an easier time with the idea of only having sex with one person for life but then again ive never gone that far with anyone while I was in a relationship with someone else and I know one thing can lead to another). The only time I ever got physical outside of a relationship was I kissed another woman at a bar while I was in a relationship with an ex of mine. But having crossed that threshold makes it harder to not do so again. Im married now to a wonderful woman but I still struggle with masturbation and lustful thoughts and honestly worry what would happen if I ever faced the ultimate temptation. I do feel that had I not let masturbation get so out of control Id be in much better control of my urges and lustful thoughts. So I do feel its best to not open that Pandoras Box. By the way, I am a Christian and was a Christian when this all started so I really don’t wanna hear anyone trying to tell people that if they struggle with this or that habit then they must not truly be saved cuz that’s not true.
There are a few thoughts I have for you.
1. Talk to your wife about it. That may sound weird, but coming forward to share your struggle with her could be a big help. Tell her that you don’t want to rely on this very old habit anymore. You’ve gotten use to “solo sex” for a long time, and now it is a tough habit to break. Tell her you want her to pray for you about it as you work toward stopping it altogether. Confession and prayer leads to healing (James 5:16).
2. Figure out the moments when you are most tempted. Is it in specific locations? A certain mood? Are you really tired? Is it in the morning, evening, night? Is it when you have an erection for no apparent reason? Label these moments and then come up with an “exit plan” for those moments. Right away, as soon as you notice the circumstances are ripe for masturbation, follow your exit plan. This is a way to be repentant in your attitude: treating sin seriously before it has time to fester.
3. Think of ways to be romantic. One of the best things you can do when you feel the urge to lust is to channel your energy into romance. Think of simple things you can do in that moment to show you wife love. Write her a love note. Drive to the store and buy her a rose. Give her a call or send her an e-mail. Retrain your mind to think: When I feel the urge to run to solo sex, run instead to something that will foster intimacy. Need ideas? Jump on Google and start making a list of ideas.
4. Refresh your thinking around why masturbation (for you) is wrong. Why is it offensive to God? Think about the lust that is habitually connected to it. Think about the world of fantasy tied to it. Read this article about this topic. One of the reasons why masturbation is a problem is because you don’t own your sexuality. Your wife does.
5. Write a prayer. Find passages of Scripture that speak to this issue and write a short, simple prayer based on those passages. A lot of people find it to be a great practice for helping them remember to lean on God in times of temptation. Keep the prayer in your wallet and pull it out when you are tempted. Read it aloud.
There are some really practical thoughts for you.
Deny thy self, pick up your cross and follow me. The Holy Spirit and God , Christ Jesus working with you through prayer is the only way to be free from this strong hold. Also plenty of prayer and accountability partner.
Hi guys I’m a 20 year old man and I’m a virgin. I have a problem about masturbation and I don’t know how to make it stop. I must say Its very hard for me but I think with God nothing is impossible can you please advise me on prayer points which I can follow to overcome this situation. Thank you.
Hi William, you should check out these two blog posts: “My Personal Purity Battle Plan” and “33 Reasons to Abstain from Porn.“
I believe now that in the 43rd year of my life, I have finally overcome this evil habit. it took many years and stages to recover. But the struggle has changed me. I am not the same person I was when I was 20. I struggled alone with God against this. but as a middle aged man and ex-masturbator, I now hate sex, do not trust marriage, do not believe in intimacy or falling in love. my mind is strong and pursues intellectual things and ideas all the time. It seems God has taken away certain stressors in my life and made things easier.
The key to recovery is prayer, the sacraments and HUMILITY. Learn to control anger and be forgiving and count your blessings. Be assertive at work and stand up to punks. BE A MAN.
this is EXACTLY what im looking for..God only can deliever you from masterbation i have victory in the blod of jesus
it is very wrong 2 say masturbation is’nt sin.although d bible didn’t specify about it,but we all know it is a sexual act.it is d same as fornication although it is a selfish act…..it is a sin against d body nd it seperates one 4rm God’s presence….I was a victim but thanks to God’s grace dat saved me & thanks to my pastor….IC Kelvin.
I am trying my best to quit masturbation but I end up doin it again nd again help me please Godf
Thank you for reaching out here and asking for help! That shows immense strength and courage. Please know that you are not alone in this battle. I hope that you have been able to read the other comments on this post and have been encouraged by stories similar to yours.
Do you have a close friend or mentor with whom you can share this? This can be daunting at first, but having an ally to walk alongside you is a great first step to quitting masturbation. I would also encourage you to take a look at your current lifestyle and eliminate habits and triggers that can lead to masturbation. Then, replace them with healthy habits! When you are feeling tempted, you can turn to these healthy habits instead of masturbating.
Above all, cling to Christ and ask him to give you the strength to quit. It won’t be easy, but it IS possible!
i cant even concentrate an important that i have to do in my life such as studies and it also make me depress very deeply,have social anxiety, loss interest things that i love to do .
I was looking for a website that discusses the topic of Masturbation. I’m a victim of this habit. The reason I say this is, it’s because is a powerful thing. I don’t watch porn thank God! and I don’t think I’m addicted to masturbation. But sometimes the body asks for sex… I’m not married so sometimes the urge is very powerful and that’s the only way to release that urge. I had sex before marriage which I’m not too proud to mention none the less masturbation. But now that I’m a believer of Christ, I don’t want to have these urges. I don’t want anything to do with masturbation at all. I want to be free and only serve Christ. I’m not depress or going through some emotional break down but when I do it, it makes me feel like crap, disgusted, and less worthy. So after reading some of the comments and good advice it made me feel a lot better. It gave me the strength and faith to break this awful habit.
That’s exactly the problem that every one masterbates he feels disgusted tired and guilty and one even wishes to suicide or harm his body or belongings.Dont try to fight it because you cant.Every time you will fight you will think of it and want to feel the pleasure that what exactly happens.
What exactly happens to me is that after 1.5 or 2 or maximum 3 months up till now gap I feel like something is fighting within my body to come out or it want to come out at any cost.So after 3 or 4 days of control I fall prey to it and that what happens is I hate my self.
so what one need to do is gain self control as much as one can and eat vegetables and fruits and keep away from sperm increasing products
personally I think that if you can be able to control it for 4 to 5 months you have eliminated the urge and your brain has forgotten the pleasure.
I’ll throw in my $.02 here. I’m 46 and am married now, but I was a single guy for a LONG time, not having gotten married until I was 37. While I have never been into porn per se (praise God!), I have had struggles with lust for my entire life in that I have had a female foot fetish for as long as I can remember, including when I was little. For me, being prone to lusting over a part of the female anatomy that’s not even anywhere close to legally obscene seems to present a special challenge for me. Anyways, I got saved when I was 10, or so I thought — only God truly knows if I was really saved at that time. But in any event, I discovered masturbation entirely on my own when I was 12 years old just lying in bed one night trying to go to sleep, yet with lustful thoughts running through my head.
Yeah, I had felt some guilt over what I was doing, yet, not knowing jack about sex at the time, I just couldn’t quite put my finger on why I felt so guilty and why I felt the need to stop doing that…yet I never could bring myself to quit. Eventually, I got to where I thought “What’s the harm in this? Besides, if some Christians say it’s OK…hey, why not?” As a result, I got to where I usually masturbated at least once a day. I now shudder when I think about that, as it reminds me of the passage of Romans where Paul talks about God giving people up to their sin.
As a result, I was addicted to masturbation for 30 years until 4½ years ago, when I was listening to a sermon on Hebrews 12:14 (“…and pursue holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord”). Right then and there, the Lord immediately brought to mind all the lust and masturbation I had been recklessly indulging in all those years, including for the first few years after we were married. Talk about a panic attack…right then and there, I could sworn that I was headed for hell, and that possibility absolutely positively TERRIFIED me. I was beside myself over how I had grieved God and my wife, BEGGING His forgiveness for several hours afterwards (BTW, I did confess it to my wife).
I’ve now gotten to where I don’t masturbate anywhere near as much as I used to — but the urge to do so still rears its ugly head on occasion. And when I do, I feel such guilt about it days if not hours afterwards, sometimes even minutes after having masturbated (I used to question my salvation whenever I did so, but thankfully, the Lord is showing me that the guilt afterwards is proof that I am saved — Hebrews 12:1-8), and I’m trying to knock it off for good.
A good question I just found online sounds like it could sum up the problem and the battle plan in a nutshell in the form of a question: Are you living to worship God or are you living to worship yourself? That is a question we should all ask ourselves. I’ve come to realize that masturbation, any way you slice it, is a selfish act — and I have never been able to do it without lusting. Since, to my knowledge, this topic was never covered in the youth group in the church I grew up in (Southern Baptist), this completely left me in the dark about the subject at a time when I needed it most and didn’t even know it. I just wish I had known then what I know now, ya know?
Ja, heard you dude. I cant give you the correct answer but always remember there is a ‘God’ in heaven who you can always turn to, no matter how great you think your sin is God is willing to forgive you, for the bible says in Isaiah, (come let us reason together though your sins are as red as blood i (God) will make them white as snow) says the lord of hosts.
With God nothing is impossible, for he made the universe just by a word (he made something out of nothing ) . Musterbation can lead to low sperm count and low ejaculation, making you weak leading to infertility
My brother in Christ I go through your pain.here is an advice where ever go through this read scriptures that talk on sexual immorality and scriptures that talk on the authority you have over sin and the devil dont forget màsturbation is part of sexual immorality and its a negative force.try also to find how you started mine was the spirit started after I watch a porn video.pray against it and. Rebuke any strongholds and legal ground in your life.Always reply like jesus when tempted get behind me you satan.The effective and fervent prayer availeth much
Hi, I have been masturabating for the last 3 – 4 years and I am fed up of constantly doing it under pressure and stress. I began looking at porn after many friends at school were discussing and I guess I fell under peer pressure. It took me about 3 months after that to discover masturbation and I have been, no other word for it, addicted. I began to realise that this was getting out of control and is wanted to stop. This was a great challenge and one that i haven’t yet been able to overcome. I prayed and promised to myself that the next day would be a clean day – however this day has never lasted long. With the help of God I managed to stop myself for a fortnight but then settled back into my habits. After a year or two of praying and no real help from God I began to question his existence and led me all the way to becoming agnostic, I still went to church but questioned everything that was said. After another year of this I attended another service and I realosed that there was a God out there, but where was another matter. My masturbation habits didn’t get any better, but began to pray more. I still haven’t had Amy conversation with God or any obvious help but i so dearly want to stop masturbatiing with his help.
Please help me stop masturbatiing as now I find it difficult to go through any day without porn being part of it. I think the cause of it is mainly stress, but because I have watched so much porn my consciousness turns most women into a porn star under the influence of everything I want Her do. I fear that this is going to slowly evolve into something I will never be able to control and ignore one of Gods great gifts.
Please any support or tips will be truly accepted with amazing thanks. @luke is God punishing me by not helping me? Am i somehow ignoring God? Please me give tips and prayers to stop as I want to be free from this awful habit that has plagued me.
So sorry to hear about the trap in which you find yourself. Feeling out of control is a terrible feeling, and I know because I was in the same trap for many years. I also understand the doubt you are experiencing. After all, we want to worship a God who has real power and influence in our lives, not some distant God who doesn’t care for us.
First, I cannot tell you if God is “punishing” you for something specific. If he is, then a better word might be “discipline.” God disciplines those whom he loves, just like a parent disciplines a child. Discipline is a sign of loving correction, not rejection. If he is catching your attention through this trial, then count it as a blessing, not a curse. Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is to give a child exactly what they want so they can see for themselves how futile it is.
As for the habit itself, first, I urge you to follow the advice in this article in three ways. First, start a prayer journal where you talk to God about these things: what your triggers are (internal and external), praying about your bodily urges, and praying about your deepest longings. Second, I recommend you find a good friend you can talk to about these things. Get together with another Christian who is a strong believer, someone who has a little more wisdom than you about this, and really open your thoughts to him. Talk to him about what you are journalling. Third, I recommend you read one of the books I listed above: Closing the Window. It is an excellent book and will really help you to dissect the nature of your obsession with lust and pornography.
Remember, masturbation is just the fruit of a bad tree. The focus should not be your behavior (the act of masturbating) as much as it is the things going on in your heart that are leading to the masturbation. Focus on those things.
This is an important subject and I’m grateful for finding this blog filled as it is with transparency, vulnerability, honesty and a desire to honour God and Truth. Here’s the thing: some years ago I decided that to honour God I should not masturbate. As a result I developed prostate problems. My Indian Urologist, accompanied by typical side-to-side head shakes advised me animatedly: ‘You MUST milk the penis!’. After a time in Germany again with prostate pain following more determined efforts at total celibacy, my Urologist explained with thinly-disguised contempt that the testes produce semen on a roughly 72-hour cycle and they need to be evacuated for health. 21 ejaculations a month or more produce a reduction of 30+% in prostate cancer. This is not an objective opinion, it is a scientific fact. So, if these proscriptive readings against masturbation are correct, God wants us risk our God-given health, to avoid indulging our God-given biological imperatives. Now, I don’t know about you, but I have difficulty believing that God would want me to develop prostate cancer in order to fulfill a putative masturbation ban. So there must be another explanation logically, it seems to me. This is extremely helpful it seems to me: http://www.jasonstaples.com/bible/most-misinterpreted-bible-passages-1-matthew-527-28/ and points to some resolution. It is also worth noting that adultery means extramarital sexual relations which interferes maliciously with marriage. So based on that Christ possibly was addressing married men only during that discourse. Perhaps someone with better knowledge of Greek or Hebrew can shed light. Either way, He obviously knows the difference between adultery and fornication. Some years back the Lord graciously led me to a spiritual community on the Mt of Olives supernaturally from my home in London where I spent an amazing 10 months. We had a dorm set-up. So of course masturbation even if desired was quite impractical. The upshot? An extremely embarrassing nocturnal emission event. I struggle to reconcile a loving God with a God who some interpret as criminalising me for indulging a desire for sexual release, any more than a desire for food. I can no more do without the one nor the other without harm to body or soul. Perhaps this reality is why Dr. Dobson chose to take the position he does. Masturbation is not much of an issue with God:
Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, a Fundamentalist Christian advocacy organization, has written:
“It is my opinion that masturbation is not much of an issue with God. It is a normal part of adolescence which involves no one else. It does not cause disease. It does not produce babies, and Jesus did not mention it in the Bible. I’m not telling you to masturbate, and I hope you won’t feel the need for it. But if you do, it is my opinion that you should not struggle with guilt over it. Why do I tell you this? Because I deal with so many Christian young people who are torn apart with guilt over masturbation; they want to stop and just can’t. I would like to help you avoid that agony.” Now, that speaks of a true Pastor’s heart it seems to me, rather than a self-righteous legalist who only cares for an – often totally misinterpreted – written law. Pornography is dehumanising and is inextricably linked to sex-trafficking a vile global trade, mainly First World. Is it any wonder that due to a lack of compassion and a surplus of legalistic judgment, many who love the Lord yet meet with nothing but censure throw in the towel completely? Is not some portion of the growth in a pornified church down to the church’s very own shortcomings in this regard? May the Lord guide us and lead us into His Truth. http://www.religioustolerance.org/masturba8.htm
This post isn’t so much about whether one should stop masturbation as much as it is about the how. For instance, if a man is regularly masturbating instead of having sex with his wife, he might desire to have more intimacy and less solo-sex. This post is addressing some of the mechanics to accomplish that. As I say at the beginning of the article, “The Bible does not specifically condone or condemn masturbation, but it does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate.”
If you have any links to medical journals on this topic, I’d be very interested in reading more about this. Not that I don’t respect the opinion of your urologist, but I would rather go back to the data itself, not just the way some interpret the data.
I think it is great that your body has its own mechanism for releasing sperm: nocturnal emission. Sounds like that would be a great solution: ask God for more of those.
The first link you provided from Jason Staples was an interesting read. Jason’s point seems to be that desire for sex is good and that attraction is good, but the action of coveting is not. I have no problem with that, and I think a large majority of Biblical scholars would agree with him on that. To say, however, that “desire” is nowhere forbidden in Scripture is extremely misleading. He seems to be saying that coveting is an action, not a desire, that coveting is “fixing one’s desire upon obtaining something that is not rightfully one’s own.” If he is merely saying that the desire for sex is good but the “fixing” of one’s desire is the problem, then I have no problem with that. But his article wasn’t very clear on that point.
As to your point that Christ was only addressing married men, I would have to disagree. Adultery is committed if one person is married, not necessarily if both are. Therefore, a single man can commit adultery with a married woman.
I deal with a number of this issues in this article about masturbation.
Ride on luke!
I masturbated through lust, and i broke free mainly with romans 8:20 and philippians 4:13.
Dont give up. Provided you have a made up mind to quit God is not only for you, in support of you, but also the supplier of the strenght you need
pls pls pls help me
i masturbate once in a 2 days . i feels very ashamed after doing it . Every time i make promise to myself and again i broke it..
how can i quit masturbation.
or is it un forgiven sin???
Wow! God is great! Even up to this point i haven’t masturbated. Whenever i feel little urge and i pray, i feel completely normal and i also get strength. Wow! Prayer is my key.
Masterbation cannot be stopped suddenly.Neither does any addiction.Just like one cannot quit smoking even though he doesn’t likes to smoke because your body needs it.Everybody including me did mistake when they masterbated the first time though mine was an accident.It would take years or at least 2 years to completely eliminate it and gain control over yourself.To stop your self from masterbating first you need to stop others from masterbating.Try to understand that it always ruins you.There are tips that I can give but they will not last for long but will help you to get out from the urge.
1.Mark the days on the pocket calendar you masterbated and try to increase the days.
2.Dont fight just ignore it and try take the urge in some other sense for eg.when one gets tempted its the feeling of something else not the urge to masterbate.
3.Listen to songs that makes you feel heroic
4.Watch an action film cartoon or etc even though you don’t want to I know it is hard
5.Tell your problem to materbate to your parents or wife or even a friend or gf trust it it will help.
6.Dont go to bathroom at the time of urge.
Always remember that only you can stop it if you want to.Only you can do and and only you can stop it.Only you have the power but you just need to figure it out.Try to be yourself.But also don’t fight it alone.Also remember “God help those who help them selves”.Help your self and God is with you.Help yourself by not masterbating.
And pray for everyone to the path of victory.
Those who make porn or fund porn are to the path of hell.Their final place is hell fire.
MAY GOD SAVE US ALL FROM HELL
Hi,im Davies from Ghana.Infact,you people have really help me,im addicted to masturbation 13 years ago and im now 25 years of age.Fellow christians,i cant say much because im now speechless.It has being a hard time for me……the Holy Spirit always pushes me not to do it….but……i dont know what was behind.Because im a pastor, and i can do all what is asign to a pastor that he must do and still masturbate.As i said earlier,i cant tell you much,but i am asuring you that i have taking most of your advices and i will never in my life maturbate again.And i know God will help me…..thank you very much
I think there is a another way to get rid of mastubration habit… And it is Love.. Ya love, true love with someone.. I know its sounds funny but believe it.. Its the most easiest way to kick out mastubration from ur life…. As it is based on my personal experience…
God, I have fallen short again. Just when I have gone weeks without masturbation and reading sexual stories I fall short and go back to same routine. I want to change, I repent of my sins and ask for your forgiveness. I love you God and I know through you I can overcome anything!
Hey Emily–I don’t know if you’ve explored all of these resources, but there are some good blogs and communities out there for your support. Blessings, Kay
Please please help me i need a way of stoping masturbation. I hav tried to commit suicide twice because of the guilt i felt please i need help.I hav been masturbating for the past ten years now am nineeten years old.please help i feel i hav suffered enough with this problem
Lucia, I’m very concerned to hear that you’re feeling so guilty you’ve attempted suicide. That kind of depression is very worrisome to me. If you are feeling suicidal now, please call the National Suicide Prevention number: 1-800-273 TALK (8255). You can also use their Chat Service when you need someone to talk to.
I think you need professional help, immediately. You need to see your doctor as soon as possible, as there is medical help available for the kind of depression you are describing. If you can’t get into your doctor, go to your local ER for help. You can always dial 911 for immediate help as well.
After medical intervention, you’ll need a professional counselor who can help you process through your emotions, and help you think about behavioral helps for the masturbation. There are directories at The American Association of Christian Counselors, and Psychology Today, that can help you find someone in your area.
There are online communities where other women are dealing with similar issues, which may be helpful to you. Here’s an article with some links to explore.
Finally, please talk to your parents or another close family member about the suicide attempts, so they can help keep you safe and well.
When you’ve been dealing with something for 10 years and it began so early in childhood, you’ll need help and support in recovery. Recovery will be a process. It will take time. You’ll need a community around you as you do that work. So, see your doctor. Find a counselor. Talk to family/friends who are safe. Call or chat a hotline if you need it. Explore online communities.
Most of all, know that your safety and well-being matters more than anything. If you need emergency help, call 911 or go to the Emergency Room.
Blessings and prayers, Kay
I am 23, female with this problem of masturbation. Just looking at my self naked, I feel like doing it, even when I am wearing light clothes..and I don’t know what else to do. most times, I just feel the urge to do it especially few days before or after my monthly circle. I need urgent help please. Thanks
Hey there. Well, it sounds like you could use a community of other women to help you through–check these resources for online groups, blogs, etc. You might also think about joining a group at xxxChurch for support. And if you’re really struggling, maybe find a counselor who can help you work through this. Blessings, Kay
I had a problem with masturbation and I am also a teenager. I have prayed and prayed and I keep finding myself in the same position. I really want to live for God but it seems the temptation just overwhelmes me after each time. The lust just comes more and more often and I try and try to stop but it just seems that the porn and the masturbation just gets harder and harder to avoid. How do I avoid it?
hello, there are gates that we needs to watch over the eye gate and the hear, what we see and what we hear are what the mind illuminate on when lonely, the best approach is to pray to God for guidance at those gate and try to avoid been lonely
I am muslim but I found your article very helpful and I agree with all what you said
I will try to follow your instructions
If you can help me more I will be really thankfull
Hi Ahmad, I’m so glad you found help here. Keep reading and let us know what you think! Peace to you, Kay
Hi I just need prayet and help to stop masturbation…please pray for me..I always pray for it and I guess it is not working…God bless.
HI MY NAME IS EDWIN FROM GHANA I HAVE BEEN FACING TEMPTATION FOR SOME TIME NOW I DON’T NO WHAT TO DO SOMETIMES I WILL STOP THEN LATER I WILL GO BACK IT AGAIN PLS HELP I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP
Hi Edwin, temptations will be everywhere. Whether you’re in Ghana or Michigan. But, God always gives us a way out – He is faithful. Here’s a very helpful post to begin: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ Read, pray and let me know if you need anything else.
I am a school guy and i was masturbating! Recently i have brought it to control bt today i did it again . my mom and dad dont knw abt this. Masturbation affects my studies and sports. I masturbate at night so i get tired because of which i am not able to wake early in the morning. Pls help me. I do believe in god and have prayed regardingthis many times! Giv some idea.
Hi Siddharth – are you using the Internet in order to masturbate? If night time if your weak spot (which it is for many), then you might have to take some drastic measures to quit, if you really want to quit. Can you sleep somewhere else for a while? Somewhere else more public in the house? Can you bring this issue into the light by talking to someone else? The blog post was written from a Christian perspective, so if you’re a Christian, engage the power of prayer, God’s Word, a good accountability partner, change some habits, and get serious about fighting back! With God all things are possible, and God is FOR you, not against you!
Chris (Covenant Eyes)
For me I’ve had sex several times I’m addicted to porn and masturbation I’ve tried al that I cn possibly do to stop but it’s al in vain it’s been 6 years now. I really need help.
Hello – I’m so sorry you’re stuck. Have you taken the drastic steps of giving up your devices? Confessing everything to a trusted friend? It sounds like you’re at war – it is not a fight that will be won easily.
Chris (Covenant Eyes)
And I hardly masturbate without watching porn. I’ve fasted and I’ve prayed but is even worst now but I think I’m missing something that can be really helpful. A certain girl gave in to me so much that we had sex so many times but for 3 years now I’ve resisted any sexual intercourse but I’ve given in for watching porn and mustarbating. When I look around me I have no spiritual friend or family member who can know my situation and help me out. If you guys don’t help me out then I’m stuck in this life forever because I know God Himself directed me here
Sorry, I didn’t see this comment before I responded to the first one. Maybe the question for God isn’t, “why won’t you take this away from me?” and instead, “what are you trying to teach me about my own heart or what truth am I supposed to learn from this struggle?” I think King David can relate – that’s why he left us the beautiful words of Psalm 13. Crying out to God, with “BUT, I trust…” where he turns to the truth of God in verse 5, even though his situation is crushing him.
there are times i won’t want to it….but i just dont know how i’ll end up mastubating….i really wish i get the thought amd the picture of my mind….its really hard for me to…..i’ve been doing this since my secondary school days,influenced by a friend and anytime im done with it….i always blame myself but still its hard for me to leave…..i really need help cos im too young for depression….its weighing my heart down and turning me to something i never think i would ever become…..
Hello Gabriel, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. It’s a very difficult issue to overcome once it’s become engrained. In read the blog post, what have you tried? Do you have any accountability in your life? Someone you can trust and be really honest with? Almost no one can defeat this issue by himself.
please is it possible to just stand up one day and stop watching porn and masturbation forever or there maybe downfall along the line
Hello, I think it’s a different experience for different people. Yes, some can just stand up one day and walk away. I am not one of those people. It’s something that I continue to work out, day after day. I trust God’s faithfulness and that He is my strength, and I rely heavily on “fresh mercy” in the morning when I stumble. Always striving for holiness, living out the wonderful work that Jesus did on the cross for you and me.
Be encouraged! Chris
pls…sir tell me scary things dat can apen if I masturbate…somtin very scary cos I know if I imagine how scary it is nd with d help of God…I will stop it….very scary plsss….I do dis stupid tin nd in d end I will start asking God for mercy….somtyms I even think my grace has expired. …I tried many means to stop…but all to no avail
Hello, Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this right now. The temptation is real, but God is stronger! Do you believe this? Prayer + grace-driven effort = a powerful weapon against pornography. Here are some steps you can take: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ Here’s another one: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
Dave, God is for you! I have prayed for you now.
This very helpful to me I’ve been masturbating for over eight years I’m now wanna stop.
I’ve just spent hours downloading porn videos, and experiencing the same repetitive disgust of utter lack of control. My life is being dismantled and I’ve thrown out what hope might be, all built by the wretchedness that clearly arises from me. This self gratification only deepens the demoralization of connection between spirit and soul, and time clicks forward as hollow empty days that only repeat the gloom of eminent demise. I stumbled on this blog, searching for some substance that could put back the real of truth into the truth of reality, because truth be said, I’m dead. But God still is into resurrection. I’ll destroy what I have downloaded, like I’ve done countless times, but I’m desperate for some prayerful help. Thanks. Frank
Hi, Frank – you are in the fight for your life. Think of a decorated military general. If he encounters the enemy, he doesn’t hesitate for minute to call upon every asset at his disposal to destroy the enemy. When he does this, we call him a hero and we give him a medal. He would never dream of fighting the enemy alone. Frank, you can’t win. Not alone. Only with Christ and community (accountability) can most men find freedom. True freedom! It’s possible. Who can you invite into the struggle with you? What reinforcements can you call? Bring every physical and spiritual asset to bear on the enemy. As you’ve experienced, the evil you’ve experienced does not give up ground easily. But, God is for you! He’s for us!
His mercy is fresh right now. Embrace it. Walk in the light.
What about for women? I know that masturbation tends to be only associated with men, but what about women who can’t seem to stop? What can you say to them? I know it’s easy to just say, ‘get counseling’, but masturbating for women is something really embarrassing to share with someone and what if you would rather them not know? I mean, it’s not like the knowledge you give them is going to do away. They will think of that every time they see you. And it will always be something you’re branded with in their minds. Because, lets be real, maybe in a perfect world all Christians would understand the struggle of sin and would be supportive. But in our fallen world, even the most kind and understanding Christians will judge another Christian on their sins, even if its unintentionally.
We say the same thing. Sexuality is normal. Shame is the problem for so many, many Christians. If we could deal with the shame, we’d be able to deal with our sexuality. (Fearing what others will think is about shame speaking.) God doesn’t think less of us, love us less, even though human beings might. The more we live and move and have our being in the truth of God’s love, the more our shame-based, pain-proofing behaviors will fall away. It works. And, we WILL find supportive, loving community among those who share our conviction that love and vulnerability are the way forward. So yes, get counseling. Bring the shame into the presence of love and find healing. Get into a good support group, and again, bring that pain into the presene of lvoe and find healing. You might also want to try some yoga while you’re at it. Peace to you, Kay
So blessed to read this. Praise God! This really helps. I am a Christian (female), single, active in church mi?nistries. Many looked at me as a spiritually-matured person (but in reality, I am not). I was so conservative, I don’t watch movies with kissing scenes; I don’t like sensual topics–I considered myself so innocent about those things. However, it was just the other year that I realized that I am badly masturbating since childhood. I stopped it during my teenage life by simply telling myself that God won’t be glorified by it. But sad to say that I willingly start it again when I realized that I was actually abused (I already forgave him) when I was young; this is I reasoned out whenever I commit this shameful [and sinful, for me] act. I also engaged in pornography. I can’t imagine myself doing these things knowing that I am aware of the Biblical facts rearding these issues. I hate it, but I continually feed it. I asked God to help me, He did but still,I continue to do it. God gave us the freewill; it’s up to us if we will obey. There came a time that I no longer feel the guilt because I keep on convincing myself that it’s for health benefits (as what I have read) and education but still, it’s not God-glorifying. Sometimes, I doubt my salvation but I know that it’s just satan’s scheme to destroy my relationship with God as well as my testimony. Until now, I am in a battle with this; I continually ask God to remove this urge from me (I’m tired of it) especially that I’m looking forward of being single for a lifetime (God’s will be done). Please include me in your prayers.
Thank you. GOD Bless us all :)
Thanks for the great tip may the Lord almighty bless u
I am a woman and I have been struggling with masturbation for over 4 to 5 years and I hate it. The pornography that I view is disgusting. Ive only told one guy…my boyfriend at the time what I masturbate to, and that is homosexual women and I feel so bad doing it, afterwards I always regret and hate my soul. I always wanted to be this Christian woman but ultimately because I have not conqured this vice I continue to fall short spiritually. Because I continue to fuel this desire for sexual pleasure I have found myself doing things that I know God is not pleases of. I want to stop because I need to stop and I have to stop. I want to stop masturbating because I truly want to restore my relationship with my heavenly Father. Additionally because I want to be happy that I quit such a disgusting habit. I want my God to love me again. Being in his love is far more important than pleasing my momentary sexual desires.
I ask for encouragement and love and support and prayers. Please help me help myself before its too late
God loves you right now. No matter what you do or don’t do, God loves you.
None of us are ever going to be “good enough to earn” God’s love. Lucky for us, God’s Love isn’t something we buy with our good behavior. It’s the free gift that God offers to all of us.
If you want to be free from self-destructive behaviors of any kind, live into Love. Receive it more and more and more. The more you live in it, the more you receive it, the more it sets you free from everything that doesn’t fit with Love in your life.
So, my friend, remember. You are already in his Love.
Peace to you, Kay
am highly greatful for this life changing write up I pray my faith will keep standing forever
I was addicted to masturbation but i stopped thanx to God,,,loved this article,,,no one can love u more than God coz were His…He cries for us,,,so with a problrm just talk to him,,,Hes our maker he loves whatever he made,, tell him ur troubles his our daddy
One of the things that helped me to overcome sexual sin was to realize that sexual sin wasn’t the real issue. The real issue was that I had slipped extremely far from God. When the Holy Spirit began to reveal my heart to me, I was devastated. Instead of seeing myself as a fairly good person with a small “problem,” I began to see my heart as God saw it.
My sexual sin problem stemmed from the fact that my heart was corrupt. Suddenly I began to see all of the other sins that God was also interested in. I loved the world. I was self-absorbed. I was vain, manipulative, self-centered. My spiritual man was completely anemic. When the slightest temptation arose, I quickly gave in to my selfish desires.
But through the process of affliction, I began to see my deep need for God. This revelation drove me to the foot of the Cross where I began to see a precious Savior who died for me, and my heart cried out in yearning for Him. He had mercy on me, and though the process of repentance has been long and painful, God has restored my soul and given me a relationship with Jesus that I never even thought was possible.
Praise God forever.
pls i need your prayers to stop masturbating ?may GOD help me
I am a teenager and I am very loosely and sad. I don’t know why I masturbate.i am confused.Please help me.
Hello, Sam. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling in this way. Admitting the issue is a great first step! Now, what about doing the things suggested in the blog post? Can you run “with” someone else? Because, you won’t beat this on your own. You can do this! God is for you! Read Romans 8 for encouragement – that’s your identity! That’s who you are – more than a conqueror.
Pls am fed up
Hello, Rex – I’m sorry you’re struggling. What have you tried? We believe that there are steps that every person can take, and if done consistently and in full disclosure with a TEAM of help, then people often find freedom. Here’s an additional blog post to read: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/04/23/how-to-quit-porn-6-essential-steps/
I’m really addicted to porn. When am walking down the street and i see a woman’s butt and breast, the first thing that comes to my mind is masturbation. I started it when i was 12years. . Please some one should help me, stop this act please.. Am tired of it. . GOD HELP ME.. Have tried to stop it, bt i can’t last 6days. It’s like without it i’ll die. .
Hi, Wilson – I’m so sorry that you are struggling. It’s going to be really difficult before it gets better, but you have to rewire your brain. You’re not going to die. Those voices are liars and don’t care anything about you. What do you believe? Have you ever heard of someone exploding from lack of orgasm? Nope. Me neither. So, now that we’ve set that aside, it’s time to buckle down, decide that it’s time to fight, and get ready for battle.
Do you pray? What about meditation? Controlling your thoughts is critical.
Are you getting enough sleep? Rest is important.
Are you exercising?
Do you have healthy, non-sexual relationships?
Have you REMOVED all artificial, sexual stimulation from your life?
Do you have a sponsor/mentor that won’t judge you, but you speak to openly?
All of these are needed for crushing this monster weight you are feeling. I hope you are able to do these things and don’t give up! It might get harder before it gets easier, so be ready for a fight.
I’m 17 years old and I have a huge adiction to porn, I think it’s been 3-4 years since I started and habe been the last 2 trying to fight it.
I’m on a Catholic school, I’m catholic myself and don’t know what to do, I have tried almost everything, I have talked with the father a lot of times, go to pray every morning in the week, go to church when I can and I still fall at least once every weak if not more…I can’t live like this anymore, I want to stop betraying God but keep doing it, I block the porn sites out of my phone and still get tempted and unblock everything.
Worst part is I don’t know why I keep doing it, my life is very active, I’m trying to go out with a girl I like, I’m good with my family and friends and still…I masturbate
Please, I need a brutal lifestyle change but don’t know how to do it
Hi, Seba – being open is good. Nice job. Now, I’m going to ask your permission to be direct. It sounds like you can handle it.
It sounds like you want to do the right thing. So, here’s the issue – the choice is yours. No one can stop you from looking at porn. NO ONE! If you’re a Christian teenager, then it’s time to start believing that you’re a child of God and start acting like it. I’m being very direct – I think we tend to take a too gentle approach with guys and watching porn. NO! We were made for more. It’s time to be men. It’s time to love and respect the women around us AND on our screens. Even if they don’t respect themselves, WE have to decide to choose respect for them. This is on us. No more excuses. More than conquerors! Read Romans 8, all of it, to see what you were created to be. A warrior. Fearless. Of God. Untouchable. Unshakable. Settle for nothing less! Is your phone the issue? Then get rid of it. Do you struggle at night? Then no internet after 9pm. Do you masturbate? Then go (with parent permission!!!) get a tattoo of scripture put on your wrist. I guarantee you’ll quit :) How badly do you want this? You have to want it. You have to want freedom INSIDE and do things that prove you want it on the OUTSIDE.
I have faith in you. God is rooting for you! And, I am, too.
Thanks very much for the blog! hope it helps! I have been fighting masturbation for the past one year now! don’t know what to do to stop it.
I do appreciate this article but also feel like it was addressed primarily to men. It is crucial that women also feel like they can be transparent about their struggles in this area as it is mainly seen as a “man’s” struggle, thus alienating women even further.
Thanks for this tips..
Im facing the same problem, my wife is far away from me for higher studies and we meet every once in a month…sometimes i couldnt control the urge and ill do it by watching our own private recorded videos…sometimes im urged to watch even porn too..i clearly cant control myself at that time since my body and mind no longer hears my heart…after doing it i feel guilty…this has been happening for over 1.5 yrs…its like the more i control it the more i want to do it when that time comes…
how do i control this? ive prayed many times but doesnt seem to work..pls advice…
Joseph, there might not be enough prayer to fix this. It’s funny for a fellow Christian to say this, but prayer is necessary but insufficient to do what you want to do. Take action. If you want to quit a habit, then get accountable (this means talking openly about this with your wife), change patterns, and remove the triggers. Delete the private videos if you deem them a problem. Get rid of the porn doorway if that’s a problem. It’s a question of making a clear and effective decision. Decisive action. Fueled by consistent and persistent prayer. Be well, my friend. God IS for you.
I Have Been In Masturbation For 8 Years I Have Tried To Stop But I Cant I Have Prayed About It Only To Sink Deeper I Have Done It In Public And It Has Left Me With A Lot Guilt,stress, And Loniliness And With A Heath Problem Of Ulcers I Feel Dirty When I Go Before God And Am Losing My Self
I have been in masturbation for 8 years i like doing it in public am 23yrs old and not married i feel so much stressed,guilty,loniliness,anxious i have prayed and tried to stop only to sink deep into it and it is my first time am talking about it please help i feel like taking my life
hie my name is Sean and l have been reading on how to masturbation and l pray God will help me to never do that
I still think that sex and masturbation are mainly for pleasure. The only difference is that the first one can feel from slightly to amazingly better.
I am currently ceasing from masturbation and I hate my faith for restricting me this great source of happiness which The God gave me! I do not understand why masturbation is always a severe matter of sin!
I never thought that God uses nocturnal emission to reduce our sexual urge. Reading this blog has really impacted a sense of reasoning.
Thanks Luke for this blog, I really appreciate your support in helping us overcome these desires of porn and masturbation.
I believe Scripture actually does say not to masturbate. “You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19b-20). God says that He literally owns us, bought us, and that we are no longer our own. We can’t do anything sexually with our body – that is, except one exception: to give your body to your spouse: “A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.” (1 Corinthians 7:4).
I am listening to what God says to me through Scripture!
Hii guys! Thank u for the blog…
I’m a 21 years old virgin who is somehow addicted to masturbation. It’s been almost 5 months since the day I started do this awful act. The most scary thing is that I’m a Christian who’s considered by others to be spiritually mature! I’ve prayed for this thing a couple times but the more I try to get rid of it the more I sink deeper.. Whenever I’m done with masturbation, I feel guilty and ashamed to the extent that I think God will not forgive me again
Plz I need your help! How can I solve this problem?? Thanks… Best regards
Well, first of all, I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with masturbation. I think it’s a normal exercise of your sex drive, especially when you’re young and single and have no other outlet for your sex drive.
Of course, like any other physical drive, we can become obsessesed with our sexuality. Take good for example. When we become obsessed with food, we might develop an eating disorder, either a bingeing disorder where we eat and eat and can’t stop, or a restricting disorder, where we starve and starve. Or you can develop and binge-and-purge disorder, where you both binge on food and then purge. Often, a great deal of anxiety and shame accompanies this cycle.
Just like many people are obsessed with food, MANY CHRISTIANS ARE OBSESSED WITH SEX. Instead of being able to see sex as a gift, and enjoy it in healty ways, purity culture is obsessed with restricting sex in unhealthy ways. The development of internet porn has allowed many Christians to develop a binge-and-purge relationship with their sexuality: binge on porn, then purge with a great deal of anxiety and shame.
If you want to break this cycle, I would suggest beginning with accepting yourself as a healthy young person with a healthy sexual appetite. This begins to detach anxiety and shame from the cycle. As you do that work, you can more easily choose what is healthy for you in terms of exercising your sexuality. When you make less healthy choices, accept yourself and move on. Over time, you’ll likely find that you won’t be as obsessed, you won’t be as anxious, and you’ll be more in control of your choices. Here’s a short animation that might help.
Peace to you,
hi Kay Bruner, my name is yafet am 21 years old I just really really really want you to pray for me last time am near in stopping masturbation but now I can’t control it still now am struggling really hard so I also need your advice what should I do b/c am lost am near in suicide my self b/c I have no one to talk to I never had a girlfriend and am not a socialized person am lonely there is no society to talk to I leave in Africa Ethiopia I can’t even prey to God b/c of my guilty Ness please any one you reading this please send me your advice thank you
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. It breaks my heart to think that you are thinking of suicide because of masturbation. I hope this response will be helpful to you.
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve the problem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in many circles. Often, shame itself becomes the problem, as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment. It sounds to me like this shame cycle is at least part of the problem that you’re experiencing.
You might like this short animation I made recently, Interruping Shame Cycles.
I hope that calming your thoughts around masturbation can help lessen your need to masturbate. Even if you do masturbate, it’s okay. You’re fine. You’re not a bad person, just normal and healthy.
Peace to you,
hi am nath from nigeria i do found myself in this evil act and have try to stop it but i stopped it for a while and i later find myself masturbating i’m fed up pls help me and so help me God
Hello, Nath – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. It’s so hard when you feel alone. What have you tried from the blog post? You really have to be willing to try really radical things in order to break the cycle. Get rid of the phone. Shower at a different time of day. Find someone you can open up to. It will probably be really difficult to stop. But, you can do this! God is for you and so am I. Please let me know if there’s anything else Covenant Eyes can do to help.
Very well expressed thoughts. The God of all comfort and grace give us grace in this fight. Amen.
What if I don’t know the reason why? I dont watch porn. I don’t fantasize. I dont allow sexual thoughts in my head. And when they want to rise I immediately stop them. But I don’t understand, I feel like my body asks for it and I’m not strong enough. But is there a root or am I simply doing that which I I do not want to do (as Romans 7 says)?
Maybe. Each of us has our individual struggles. Can you invite someone into this struggle? Send a text message? Try to recognize the patterns – are there activities or times of day when you struggle the most? Thinking about these might help you find ways to redirect the urge in another direction, if it’s a behavior that you want to stop.
I’m a teenager I came across pornography on the internet when I was 15 years. Now I’m 17 and my addiction has grown exponentially. I have prayed and I have fasted and even told someone about it but nothing is working and I can’t feel the strong connection I used to feel with God. And people look up to me in the teenage department of my church, i have been putting up a good show for everyone to see that I’m still spiritually upright but deep down I’m struggling. I can’t tell my parents or my pastors because of the shame. I really want to stop this.
Prince herny, I am just like you. Except that I am a girl and I came across it at 8 years of age and I am 13 now and still struggling. I really need help but can’t ask because of the shame. I’ll keep you in my prayers!
I’m a married women that is addicted to the worse type of porn out there. I been addicted since 4 years old and masturbating since I was 4. I use to hide it all the time from my parents and now even after marriage I struggled but I notice during these urges, I have to PRAY that God gets rid of the urge and my impure thoughts I am having. I’ll cry out and pray till it passes. It is very hard but with prayer and reading my bible, I can overcome this with Gods help. I can’t do anything without Him. He gives me the strength to say no and run from this sin. I pray I can go a whole month without looking at porn or masturbating which I haven’t done yet. I hope I can go 1 year and than hopefully the rest of my life. Stay strong everyone. Run from that sin. Run to the hills and pray God will do anything to make you stop.
for the past 3 years i’ve been trying to stop but each week i find myself doing it 3 years ago i became a christian when i wasn’t i used to do it 4 to 5 times a day now i don’t know to do i just can’t get it of me at a moment first time bring a christian it was gone 6 months and it came back. now am at a place where I don’t know anything anymore
I have been doing masturbation since when I am 14 now I am 33
I started watching pornography almost 16 years ago.
I read every comment , it is almost true what happens to my life resemble the worst ones
I am single, and socially inactive. God knows I am never gonna get married .
The worst struggle I have countered in my life is pornography and masturbation.
I am Christian, born again
No matter how much I pray, I fall into the trap of temptation, I fall no matter how much I struggle not to think lustful thoughts.
The longest I can remember I freed myself from porn and masturbation was 3 months, in which I convinced myself I am free!
But I fell back, which crippled my hope of deliverance. From then on I shamefully immersed myself in the worst cases of masturbation and porn
I am losing hope
What can I do?
Thank you for being so open and honest with your struggles. Overcoming addiction is no easy task, and I commend you for working hard to fight against it. I would encourage you, if you haven’t already, to find a church and fellowship with other believers. Perhaps you have a close friend who can hold you accountable in your fight and help you to overcome this. You cannot do this alone!
I would also encourage you to use our Screen Accountability software to keep you accountable and curb the temptation to masturbate and look at porn.
If God is for us, who can be against us!
I thank God for all open friends I saw on this sites .. Its my first time to utter out this openly,
am 19 years but am also struggling to stop it.For someone to reach an extent of viewing this article, indeed, believe me its a great struggle. I tried each and every thing together with salvation but few days after this, the urge came back, I sometimes comfort myself after listening to pastors preaching about it giving examples of them selves and I say within me “I shall overcome” but am tired, the thirst of it is just growing in me. Sometimes I admire boys of my age having girlfriends and am forced to change my goal which I don’t want to do so please having trust in the Lord from Psalm 23 please pray for me to quit this and as well achieve my goal
(Am a black African youth who wants to get married to someone from England or USA but I don’t know how?)
For any advice please reach me out at:
Thank you for sharing your struggles so openly. Admitting your struggles is one of the first steps to recovery! I would like to recommend a couple of “next steps” for you. Do you have a church that you can join yourself to? If so, I would recommend that you find a friend(s) that you can trust and share your struggles with. Someone who can walk with you as you seek to recover; someone who can hold you accountable to quitting your habits.
Secondly, I would recommend downloading Covenant Eyes onto your devices! This is an excellent tool that adds an element of accountability that is much needed with the advancement of technology.
Finally, keep clinging to Christ! He will be your ultimate source of hope in healing and recovery. With Christ, you CAN overcome bad habits. It will take time and work, but do not give up. I would highly recommend reading this article as well: Feeling Trapped? 3 Action Steps to Overcome Temptation.
An Australian study of 2,338 men came to a similar conclusion. In all, men who averaged 4.6 to seven ejaculations a week were 36% less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer before the age of 70 than men who ejaculated less than 2.3 times a week on average.
So relax people and don’t think too hard about it.
Hie. I have read quite a majority of the comments that have been posted on this blog. I have come to realize that a lot of people are struggling with masturbation and porn and the only one who can set them free is Jesus Christ. I read this blog cause i have a friend who is struggling with such habits. The guy as the potential to become my future boyfriend, so i am worried, won’t it affect our relationship if we decide to get married.
So my main question is, how can i help him? He once told me he wants to stop. Please help me pray for him as well, cause its not by might nor by our own power but by the Spirit of God. I will also pray for all those who are facing the same situation as indicated on this blog.
Prayer is an excellent first step. Only God can change the heart, so continue to pray fervently for your friend! Does he use Covenant Eyes? If not, perhaps you could recommend that to him as an accountability tool? I would also encourage him to surround himself with people who will hold him accountable. If you are interested him as a potential life partner, it may be difficult for you to watch him struggle in recovery (because everyone does struggle in some way!), which is why I think that a mentor, church leader, or counselor could act as an excellent ally for him.
If people are really honest, they will tell you that this article was a waste of my time. It does give us good words of scripture, but the author promised to help with 3 steps.
So be honest, call it out and be real, stop being a people pleaser. This article missed the mark, but this is hope that help is out there.
I was introduced to masturbation by one of my peers, when I was a teen. it started like just a minor thing that doesn’t matter but little did I know that am nurturing something that would later become a habit.
indeed I’ve struggled so had to quit but each time I tried I failed. It makes me feel guilt and worthless, it also affected my education
as I use most of my time for masturbation instead of focusing on my studies. it feel this is more of spiritual not physical, every year I make new resolution that I will turn a new leave, but in a long run, I will suddenly find myself back to the despicable act.
My burden is lessened seeing that am not alone, I found this site and am amazed to see many people who are in this habit, and that prompted a question that I’ve always grapple with and that’s ” why is it that the devil is not sparing us, what has the demon discovered in this 21century that it want to sabotage through masturbation and pornography” and God gave me the answer, and that’s ” we have so much potential inherent in us and that’s why he’s directing our minds in wrong direction.”
I pray that as I begin this new journey of purity and abstinence applying what I’ve learned in this site, that the good Lord will show me and everyone of us who are the victim of this habit an enduring faith to conquer in Jesus name.
Readers please wish me well.
I love this
I left a comment? Thank you for this website. I have struggled with this for all my life I can go a couple of weeks then I right back too it? I do not read magazines I do not watch porn I just stimulate thoughts in my mind and it comes out.
Thanks, for this post and comments!
I’ve been masturbating since 9months ago After getting addicted to porn. And Today being 20/07/2020 I pray that God will come down and hear prayers so that I can stop the habit because I keep seeing myself it again even after saying it’s over.
Please I need everyone’s prayer. And I pray that almighty God will help me out as kick off the journey today.
I pray in Jesus name Amen
Thank you for reaching out and asking for prayer. I am praying for you, and I know that many others who read your comment will pray for you as well.
Be strong! Keep clinging to God for your strength, and reach out to others for wisdom and accountability.
I Quit Masturbation December 31,1994 When I Was 29 Years Old,I Fought That With A Vengeance,I Replaced It With Antique Shopping.
I Was Never Then Into Porn,Cause Im Glad That I Don’t,Cause I Stick With Antique Shopping,It Is Better And It Is.
Even reading about all of this sexual information affects me, but I must read to get help. As I said, reading about it, as well as talking about it, simulates my sexual desires.
No one should push the idea (or let it go unchallenged) that a true believer in Christ will go to hell if they are unsuccessful in obtaining perfection in this fight. If we could earn our salvation by our actions, we would not need a savior.
This habit called masturbation is primarily rooted in your thought process. It has become like a routine thought mechanism as you practice this habit. The longer it takes for practicing the act, the stronger its hold over you becomes. Male or female all is the same.
It will take a longer period for you to undo such a strong hormonal and sweet sensational habit.
The first step is to confront this habit with intentional shame. By that i mean, intentionally tell your friends whiles you are together during prayers that you want to stop masturbating.(masturbation THRIVES in secrecy) expose the habit to the heat of cooporate prayers and it will wither away quickly. Yes brother or sister in Christ. telling one person is not gonna stop it. Confront masturbation with public shame.
the moment you do that, the foundation is destroyed. So now you can now begin to intercede for other addicted brothers and sisters mostly when u find yourself idle and lonely, especially before u sleep. Beware of moment of depression such as bereavement of close dead relatives and broken hearts. This events are the periods that will awoken that sweet sensational feeling mechanism.
One of the following habits suddenly resurrects.1.Alcoholism…2smoking…3sex addiction…if you are alone in your room( pornography—–masturbation).
During this periods the best action is to turn on your favorite preaching sermon very loudly…or read the Gospel of John from chapter one and Book of Acts from chapter 1 going.
Please do not listen to romantic songs or watch any movie with sex scene in it. It will rather redirect you quickly to sexual thoughts.do not even try to go walking. Turn to things that will allow the Holy Spirit to fill you and make you strong to overcome the evil habit.
someone will ask, what about whiles am at the washroom bathing and i get triggered? well my answer for you ,is to always makes those times a moment of singing praises and worship songs to the Lord Jesus. Singing in tongues mostly does it for me. It takes my attention from my sensual feelings to heavenly thoughts of the presence of God and holy angels.
You can always say this divine mantra: My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Holiness unto the Lord!!
I still struggle with masturbating once in a while but the above method has drastically reduced the frequency and has removed me from the realm of compulsion and addiction. As a single man living a life of celibacy till marriage, its not easy to completely live without sexual release, nevertheless am hopeful, the Lord will lead me to a faithful wife very soon. smile
The Lord is our strength.
I Quit Masturbating December 31,1994. When I Was 29 Years Old,I Fought It
With A Vengeance,Fought It Again January 19,2020,I Will Then Fight It Again January 19,2021,I Replaced It With Antique Shopping.I Am Bad Habit Fighting Hero.Prefer Antique Shopping.
That is a good article and a life changing piece, it helps me alot with the tension and urge,that means i have to read the Bible on daily basis to be able to overcome the urge and way of thinking.
I thank God for this!!!
Gob Bless you aboundantly for this piece……….
I started struggling with this abt 2months ago it began with curiosity and turned into pleasure I tried talking to a fellow Christian about it and he kept shaming me and saying all kinds of things but I really wanna stop can you help me pls??
I am so sorry to hear that the friend you reached out to shamed you for what you are struggling with. I would encourage you to seek out a different friend or mentor to guide you.
I also want to recommend you check out this blog post that applies equally to both porn and masturbation addictions.
Be strong, and keep in the fight!
I’m coming ever closer to God, however, masturbation is the final piece I need to take control of and come even closer to God.
Father God, help us all, Holy Spirit come, guide us, speak to us.
In Jesus’ name,
I newly got closer to God!! My first miraculous recovery was when i prayed along with Emmanuel TV on youtube. 2019 cross overnight too 2020, and i got mine first deliverance thru TB Joshua. For masturbating over 7 year’s I really ThankGod for making it possible that very night! Jesus Christ is indeed our mighty savior. Thank Lord
Please help am 14yrs old and i have been masturbating countlessly but thanks to this blog i have decided to quit it for good but am scared, i have never had sex before but because i used to masturbate i am not sure if am still a virgin please i need advise am i still a virgin?
Of course you are still a virgin. You haven’t had sex.
And even if you weren’t still a virgin, you would still be a whole, valuable, and complete person who is totally loved. Virginity is not what makes you a valuable person. You are valuable, you matter, you count, no matter how much sex you have or haven’t had.
Your sexuality is a normal, healthy part of yourself, just like all the other parts of you. There’s no reason to be upset with yourself for experiencing sexual desire. Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy expression of your sexual self.
I hope that helps you to be free of needless shame, and to enjoy your life as you deserve to.
Peace to you,
Thank you for reaching out here and asking for help. That takes courage, and I am proud of you!
Although some may answer differently, it is my personal opinion that you are still a virgin. I would still encourage you, however, to stop masturbating, since this can lead to other negative behaviors. Perhaps you can make a list of the things that tempt you to masturbate, and then make another list of things that you can do instead when you are tempted to masturbate. Our free ebook, Hobbies & Habits, has some great ideas!
I hope this is helpful to you. Be strong!
This information was useful and we ask God to help us to overcome masturbate
I honestly want to stop masturbating. Everyday I ask God for forgiveness and I still go back to my vomit. Please I need your prayers. I really want God to help me cos I have tried every means but still find myself doing it. I knw God will see me through. Amen
Thanks for reaching out! We’re praying for you! Then, as the article suggests, learning to identify your triggers is an important step – learn what moods and circumstances make you vulnerable and take steps to avoid them. Do you have accountability in your life? If you’re struggling with unwanted behavior, finding a friend to talk to is the next step. Ideally, you’ll find someone who can check in with you every day and ask how you’re doing. See this article for recommendations.
It is condemned in genesis. The sin of er and Onan. Interestingly the son used to be referred to as onanism in Victorian England.
I have been alone for almost two decades .someone came unto he isn’t a part of my life he isn’t there for me at all. I feel even more alone then ever. I started masterbaiting I don’t look at porn or have any sexual thoughts. Afterwards I feel terrible I feel less now I am going through some scary medical issues and have no one to talk to .I need to stop but I only do it at night what should I do I already struggle with my salvation.
Pls I really need help from this bondage am into called masturbation. I started this sinful act over two years ago, sincerely I have regretted going into it bcoz i tried different ways to eliminate this devilish act out of my life but still find myself doing it.
Pls and pls if there is any help u can give me I will appreciate. I sincerely need deliverance
Hi Peter! Thanks for reaching out. Here’s an article that lays out a more comprehensive plan for overcoming porn, masturbation, or other unwanted behaviors. I hope this helps! God bless.
Am kindly asking for assistance to come out of the bondage of porn and masterbation i started this long ago but i couldn’t help out myself to stop this act it’s like addiction to me someone out there to help I’ll really appreciate
Hi Elijah! Thanks for reaching out! What steps have you tried so far? Here’s an article that gives a more detailed approach to quitting. I hope this helps.