Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation. However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not directly condone or condemn masturbation—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
Related: Can you masturbate without lusting?
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
See: How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
Related: 19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe it is our chief purpose to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
This information was useful and we ask God to help us to overcome masturbate
Please help am 14yrs old and i have been masturbating countlessly but thanks to this blog i have decided to quit it for good but am scared, i have never had sex before but because i used to masturbate i am not sure if am still a virgin please i need advise am i still a virgin?
Of course you are still a virgin. You haven’t had sex.
And even if you weren’t still a virgin, you would still be a whole, valuable, and complete person who is totally loved. Virginity is not what makes you a valuable person. You are valuable, you matter, you count, no matter how much sex you have or haven’t had.
Your sexuality is a normal, healthy part of yourself, just like all the other parts of you. There’s no reason to be upset with yourself for experiencing sexual desire. Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy expression of your sexual self.
I hope that helps you to be free of needless shame, and to enjoy your life as you deserve to.
Peace to you,
Kay
Hi Nuel,
Thank you for reaching out here and asking for help. That takes courage, and I am proud of you!
Although some may answer differently, it is my personal opinion that you are still a virgin. I would still encourage you, however, to stop masturbating, since this can lead to other negative behaviors. Perhaps you can make a list of the things that tempt you to masturbate, and then make another list of things that you can do instead when you are tempted to masturbate. Our free ebook, Hobbies & Habits, has some great ideas!
I hope this is helpful to you. Be strong!
Moriah
I newly got closer to God!! My first miraculous recovery was when i prayed along with Emmanuel TV on youtube. 2019 cross overnight too 2020, and i got mine first deliverance thru TB Joshua. For masturbating over 7 year’s I really ThankGod for making it possible that very night! Jesus Christ is indeed our mighty savior. Thank Lord
I’m coming ever closer to God, however, masturbation is the final piece I need to take control of and come even closer to God.
Father God, help us all, Holy Spirit come, guide us, speak to us.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
I started struggling with this abt 2months ago it began with curiosity and turned into pleasure I tried talking to a fellow Christian about it and he kept shaming me and saying all kinds of things but I really wanna stop can you help me pls??
Hi Pearl,
I am so sorry to hear that the friend you reached out to shamed you for what you are struggling with. I would encourage you to seek out a different friend or mentor to guide you.
I also want to recommend you check out this blog post that applies equally to both porn and masturbation addictions.
Be strong, and keep in the fight!
Blessings,
Moriah
That is a good article and a life changing piece, it helps me alot with the tension and urge,that means i have to read the Bible on daily basis to be able to overcome the urge and way of thinking.
I thank God for this!!!
Gob Bless you aboundantly for this piece……….
I Quit Masturbating December 31,1994. When I Was 29 Years Old,I Fought It
With A Vengeance,Fought It Again January 19,2020,I Will Then Fight It Again January 19,2021,I Replaced It With Antique Shopping.I Am Bad Habit Fighting Hero.Prefer Antique Shopping.
This habit called masturbation is primarily rooted in your thought process. It has become like a routine thought mechanism as you practice this habit. The longer it takes for practicing the act, the stronger its hold over you becomes. Male or female all is the same.
It will take a longer period for you to undo such a strong hormonal and sweet sensational habit.
The first step is to confront this habit with intentional shame. By that i mean, intentionally tell your friends whiles you are together during prayers that you want to stop masturbating.(masturbation THRIVES in secrecy) expose the habit to the heat of cooporate prayers and it will wither away quickly. Yes brother or sister in Christ. telling one person is not gonna stop it. Confront masturbation with public shame.
the moment you do that, the foundation is destroyed. So now you can now begin to intercede for other addicted brothers and sisters mostly when u find yourself idle and lonely, especially before u sleep. Beware of moment of depression such as bereavement of close dead relatives and broken hearts. This events are the periods that will awoken that sweet sensational feeling mechanism.
One of the following habits suddenly resurrects.1.Alcoholism…2smoking…3sex addiction…if you are alone in your room( pornography—–masturbation).
During this periods the best action is to turn on your favorite preaching sermon very loudly…or read the Gospel of John from chapter one and Book of Acts from chapter 1 going.
Please do not listen to romantic songs or watch any movie with sex scene in it. It will rather redirect you quickly to sexual thoughts.do not even try to go walking. Turn to things that will allow the Holy Spirit to fill you and make you strong to overcome the evil habit.
someone will ask, what about whiles am at the washroom bathing and i get triggered? well my answer for you ,is to always makes those times a moment of singing praises and worship songs to the Lord Jesus. Singing in tongues mostly does it for me. It takes my attention from my sensual feelings to heavenly thoughts of the presence of God and holy angels.
You can always say this divine mantra: My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Holiness unto the Lord!!
I still struggle with masturbating once in a while but the above method has drastically reduced the frequency and has removed me from the realm of compulsion and addiction. As a single man living a life of celibacy till marriage, its not easy to completely live without sexual release, nevertheless am hopeful, the Lord will lead me to a faithful wife very soon. smile
The Lord is our strength.
No one should push the idea (or let it go unchallenged) that a true believer in Christ will go to hell if they are unsuccessful in obtaining perfection in this fight. If we could earn our salvation by our actions, we would not need a savior.
Amen
Even reading about all of this sexual information affects me, but I must read to get help. As I said, reading about it, as well as talking about it, simulates my sexual desires.