Rebuild Your Marriage the final freedom book cover
Rebuild Your Marriage 2 minute read

How to trust again after pornography? 5 Commandments of Sex Addiction Recovery

Last Updated: August 6, 2021

We are constantly getting comments on our blog from women whose husbands are compulsive porn users. These men are in varying stages of change in their lives: some are completely disinterested in stopping their use of porn, others express a desire to change but show no signs of improvement, while others show signs of improvement but cannot seem to earn back their wives’ trust.

Recently “Lynn” commented:

My husband has quit viewing porn but only by shutting down all facets of intimacy in our marriage. He won’t seek out counseling or an accountability partner. He says there isn’t anyone available to help him. When he first told me he quit viewing porn, I felt hopeful. It took a couple of months but I could see that he was serious. Now, six months out from his decision, things seems worse than ever. I know he’s hurting, and me “policing him” clearly is not the answer. He doesn’t acknowledge it as a problem. He tells me that the fact that he’s given up viewing should be enough for me. I can only push the conversation so far before he becomes angry and shuts me out. This just stirs up a lot of fear and paranoid thinking in me. I truly do not know how to deal with this anymore.

Dr. Doug Weiss says the only way trust can be rebuilt is by what he called “believing behavior.” “Believing his behavior is the only way for a partner to stay sane,” writes Dr. Weiss. As the spouse of a sex addict, you cannot trust his intentions, nor can you trust your intuition. The only way to rebuild trust is to see a change in behavior, to see the addict moving forward in the steps of renewal.

Dr. Weiss has what he calls the “Five Commandments of early recovery.” These are five steps he requires all of his sex addict patients to do in the first 100 days of recovery.

  1. Pray in the morning asking God to keep you clean today.
  2. Read literature related to sexual addiction recovery daily.
  3. Attend a Twelve Step or Freedom Group as much as possible.
  4. Call someone in the group daily to report your recovery status.
  5. Pray again thanking God for a day of sobriety.

Dr. Weiss says these are the things your sexually addicted spouse needs to do. “Remember if you believe a lie instead of believing behavior you are actively choosing denial. That would not only be him lying to you; that would be you ly­ing to yourself.”

Learn more about these five commandments, how they will impact the sex addict, and how they impact your marriage. Read “Five Commandments to Freedom” from Dr. Weiss’ book The Final Freedom, and “Believing Behavior” from Partners: Healing from His Addiction.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related in Rebuild Your Marriage

Editor's Picks

A woman praying with her Bible.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How To (Biblically) Lament Your Husband’s Pornography Use

After I found out that my husband had been viewing pornography, I…

3 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Happy couple at the beach.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Rebuilding Trust in Marriage Through Boundaries

In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it’s…

5 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Happy family of six.

Rebuild Your Marriage

From Secret Addiction to Full Transparency

After being married for eight years, I came home unexpectedly one afternoon…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Phil Robertson discussing The Blind with Covenant Eyes.

Rebuild Your Marriage

4 Reasons You Should Watch “The Blind”

The Covenant Eyes Podcast team recently made the trip DEEP into the…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A mother with her teenage daughters.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How Porn Shattered My Life: A Betrayed Partner’s Perspective

I was 36, married for 15 years, serving in our Church, attending…

5 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A picture of Dave and Ashley Willis.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Porn Counterfeits Naked Marriage: With Dave and Ashley Willis

What is “naked marriage” all about? We sat down with popular podcasters…

3 minute read

Read Post

Related in Rebuild Your Marriage

A woman praying with her Bible.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How To (Biblically) Lament Your Husband’s Pornography Use

After I found out that my husband had been viewing pornography, I…

After I found out that my husband had been viewing pornography, I was devastated. As I processed my grief, one of my dearest friends posed this question to me: “What did you lose when your…

3 minute read

0 comments

Happy couple at the beach.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Rebuilding Trust in Marriage Through Boundaries

In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it’s…

In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it’s common for one person to feel responsible for the healing process, while the other doesn’t take enough responsibility. This dynamic can lead to…

5 minute read

0 comments

Happy family of six.

Rebuild Your Marriage

From Secret Addiction to Full Transparency

After being married for eight years, I came home unexpectedly one afternoon…

After being married for eight years, I came home unexpectedly one afternoon to find out that my husband had a pornography addiction. I was defeated, brokenhearted, and overwhelmed. I was a young, stay-at-home mom with…

4 minute read

0 comments

Phil Robertson discussing The Blind with Covenant Eyes.

Rebuild Your Marriage

4 Reasons You Should Watch “The Blind”

The Covenant Eyes Podcast team recently made the trip DEEP into the…

The Covenant Eyes Podcast team recently made the trip DEEP into the heart of Louisiana to meet with Phil and Kay Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame, and to talk about their new movie, The Blind.…

4 minute read

0 comments

A mother with her teenage daughters.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How Porn Shattered My Life: A Betrayed Partner’s Perspective

I was 36, married for 15 years, serving in our Church, attending…

I was 36, married for 15 years, serving in our Church, attending life group and sending our girls to a Christian school to help raise them in the ways of the Lord. I thought pornography…

5 minute read

4 comments

A picture of Dave and Ashley Willis.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Porn Counterfeits Naked Marriage: With Dave and Ashley Willis

What is “naked marriage” all about? We sat down with popular podcasters…

What is “naked marriage” all about? We sat down with popular podcasters Dave and Ashley Willis to find out, and we learned an important message about God’s design for sex and how porn counterfeits it.…

3 minute read

0 comments