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Rebuild Your Marriage 10 minute read

Straight Talk to Husbands Who Watch Porn

Last Updated: February 29, 2024

Shelli remembers well the day her husband John called her up to confess his secret obsession with pornography. Years of guilt, shame, and wasted time had finally taken its toll on John, and the emotional dam broke. He knew he needed to tell his wife the truth.

“It took me by complete surprise,” she says, “I didn’t have any clue that it was even an issue.” But after the shock came the hurt. “There was definitely a death of all that I thought was real,” Shelli says. “Everything that we had had prior to that felt artificial…that I was believing a lie, that I didn’t know him, and I didn’t know who he really was, and the way he felt about me was a big lie.”

John and Shelli Mandeville share part of their story on the documentary Somebody’s Daughter: A Journey to Freedom from Pornography. Sadly, John and Shelli’s story of a marriage nearly destroyed by pornography and addiction is all too common. In 2002, at a meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the divorce attorneys present said over half (56%) of their cases involved one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.”

Do wives need to lighten up?

In a presentation given at the Witherspoon Institute, Dr. Jill Manning spoke about the impact pornography can have on wives. “It has been troubling and intriguing to me,” reports Dr. Manning, “how many times I encounter derogatory beliefs about this group of women, beliefs that dismiss the magnitude of the issue and the legitimacy of it, by framing them as pathological, overreacting, and frigid women who need to lighten up. ‘After all, he’s just looking?’”

Some women, in fact, have “lightened up.” Not all wives react negatively to their husbands using pornography. Ana Bridges from University of Arkansas’ psychology department says in her own research she has met many women who have justified their husbands’ behavior. “All guys look at porn.” “It’s better than him having an affair.” “At least he’s not always coming to me to get his needs met.”

Bridges labels these rationalizations as “permission-giving beliefs:” things we tell ourselves that make certain behaviors seem normal or healthy. Ironically, it is pornography that often teaches and reinforces these beliefs in the first place. If we receive a steady diet of media that portrays illicit sex as the norm, it is easy to get the impression that “boys will be boys.”

How a woman reacts to her husband using pornography is based in part on what she believes healthy sexuality and relationships should look like in the first place. So, what if, just for a minute, we asked ourselves how our relationships could look if we didn’t live in a pornified culture. What if, for a brief moment, men turned their eyes away from the fantasy images—the airbrushed photos, the clever video editing, the breast enhancements, and the thumbnail images that portray women like dogs in heat—and instead focused on what pornography is really costing them and their wives? Before we quickly label distressed wives as overly conservative prudes, what if we peeled back the layers and instead saw women who were mourning the loss of something they should rightly expect from their husbands: intimacy.

Who says porn is bad for marriages?

John and Shelli certainly understood what porn was costing them. “Accept an impossible appetite and an impossible standard, and it steals from the true beauty of what marriage is supposed to be,” John says. “It’s the perfect theft of growing old together. Who wants to grow old together in a culture where all we honor is what’s young?”

Consider how the research bears this out. Pornography doesn’t teach men to serve, honor, and cherish their wives in a way that fosters romance. Pornography trains men to be consumers, to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order. As Dr. Mary Anne Layden writes, “It is toxic miseducation about sex and relationships.”

  • In Dr. Gary Brooks’ book, The Centerfold Syndrome, he explains how pornography alters the way men think. Because the women in porn are only glossy magazine pictures or pixels on the screen, they have no sexual or relational expectations of their own. This trains men to desire the cheap thrill of fantasy over a committed relationship that requires them to connect to another human being. Pornography essentially trains men to be digital voyeurs: looking at women rather than seeking genuine intimacy.
  • According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, after only a few prolonged exposures to pornographic videos, men and women alike reported less sexual satisfaction with their intimate partners, including their partners’ affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance.
  • Another study that appeared in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found similar results. When men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of “average” people.
  • Dr. Victor Cline’s research has shown that sexual arousal and excitement diminish with repeated exposure to sexual scenes, leading people to seek out greater variety and novelty in the pornography they view.
  • French neuroscientist Serge Stoleru reports on how overexposure to erotic stimuli actually exhausts the sexual responses of healthy young men.
  • Dr. Dolf Zillmann reports when young people are repeatedly exposed to pornography, it can have a long-lasting impact on their beliefs and behaviors. Frequently, men who habitually view pornography develop cynical attitudes about love and the need for affection between partners. They begin to view the institution of marriage as sexually confining. Often, men develop a “tolerance” for sexually explicit material, leading them to seek out more novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal.

Dr. Judith Reisman summarizes it well: Pornography causes impotence—an inability to function with your own sexual power. “If he can’t make love to his beloved,” says Reisman, “If he has to imagine a picture, if he has to imagine a scene, in order to actually reach the heights of completion with this person, then he’s no longer with his own power, is he? He has been stripped. He has been hijacked. He has been emasculated. He has, in effect, been castrated visually.”

We might say the real problem with pornography isn’t that it shows us too much sex, but that it can’t show us enough about what real sex is. Porn treats sex one-dimensionally, packages it in pixels and rips it from its relational context. It titillates with images of sex but cannot offer the experience of real intimacy.

Am I not enough for him?

“It’s not because you’re not enough, not beautiful, and that he doesn’t find you attractive,” Shelli Mandeville says. “It’s so important that women get that.”

Easier said than done. One has only to glance through online forums and blogs on this topic: many women feel his porn use is somehow their fault. They feel they have failed their partners sexually. They feel if they were only more attractive or more available he wouldn’t rush to the porn to get his fix. Researchers have found that wives and girlfriends often feel a loss of self-esteem in these situations.

However, comparing marital intimacy to pornography is like comparing apples to oranges. “The type of pornography that’s available now was never available in human history,” says Dr. William Struthers, author Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain. “If you can get on a 50-inch HD television a picture of a woman engaging in a sexual act, the brain’s not wired to expect that kind of thing, because there aren’t women who have 50-inch-HD-TV bodies out there.”

Even the tabloids show us that the so-called picture perfect women can’t possibly compete with fantasy. Why would Tiger Woods cheat on his swimsuit-model-wife Elin Nordegren? Why would Peter Cook spend $3,000 on Internet porn when he could come home to Christie Brinkley? Why would Charlie Sheen be drawn to a digital harem, being married to Denise Richards?

The answer is that a mind trained for fantasy will find reality dull, no matter how supposedly stunning that reality is. Many men have conditioned their brains with this “digital drug” (as Dr. Struthers calls it). Some men train their minds to be turned to viewing sex from certain camera angles. Others train their minds to be turned on by certain physical characteristics. Others train their minds to expect variety: many images, many women, many physical types. And this toxic training begins for most men at a very young age.

Take John and Shelli, for instance. John remembers seeing porn for the first time when he was 10 years old. That’s when his habit began. “So when you’re 12 and 13 and you’re not married, you think when you become married, that this whole habit you’ve created for yourself will just go away because now you’ll have a sex partner,” John says. “But the problem is, it’s not actually a sexual experience, it’s a fantasy experience that your body gets trained for. So now, the reality of the marriage isn’t the fantasy.”

Feminist author Naomi Wolf puts it best. She believes the onslaught of porn doesn’t increase but deadens male libido, leading men to see fewer and fewer women as porn-worthy. “For how can a real woman…possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?” No woman can compete with this. “Today,” Wolf writes, “real naked women are just bad porn.”

Steps for Guilty Husbands

John Mandeville offers his words of advice to men: “You’re either going to give in and go for it, and sacrifice everything for pixels on the screen, or you make a commitment to what’s real—what’s a real human sitting next to you, and commit to whatever it takes to make that work.” And turning to Shelli he says, “And we had to make that decision together.”

Where do men start in making that commitment?

Accept responsibility. Men often blame their wives for not being attentive enough. Certainly, an inattentive wife can be frustrating to a man, but using this as an excuse for virtual adultery is nothing but cowardice. Counselor Joe Dallas writes, “The wife who is inattentive, indifferent, or downright abusive is responsible forher sins, not his. No woman, no matter how odious, makes her man commit adultery, so if a wife sins, let her account. But let her account for her sins alone.”

Many times men are putting the cart before the horse when they use this excuse. It may not be her inattentiveness that has been the catalyst, rather it may be a sign of him not initiating real romance and true intimacy in the first place. And, of course, other issues affecting intimacy may require professional counseling.

Talk is cheap. Fred Stoeker, author of Every Man’s Battle, says, “You must give your wife every right to play a role in defining what ‘trustworthiness’ means to her in your marriage.” What does your wife need from you? She needs more than an apology. She needs to see you are making every effort to change. Ask her what she needs to see from you so trust can be rebuilt.

Be patient. Remember guys, your wife may not understand your attraction to or struggle with porn like you do. And if she has just found out about your struggle, she may be dealing with a whirlwind of confusion and hurt. Just as you desire patience from her as you distance yourself from pornography, give her the same patience. Allow her the freedom to express the hurt she rightly feels.

Get accountability. The late psychologist Alvin Cooper believed that there are three main factors that draw people into the Internet porn: Accessibility, Affordability, and Anonymity. He dubbed this the “Triple A Engine” that drives the digital porn market. Like a three-legged stool: kick out one of the legs and it will fall.

The leg of anonymity is the easiest one to remove. When you remove the secrecy of your Internet use, you eliminate much of the temptation. We do this through accountability: we make ourselves willing to account for where we go and what we see online, allowing trusted friends and colleagues hold us to task on our commitment to stay pure. Use Internet accountability software as a tool in your commitment.

Make real intimacy your end goal. The goal is not simply “quitting pornography.” That, of course, is admirable, but it only leaves a void. What pornography attempts to imitate is what, in the end, we really desire: intimacy with another human being. This is what husbands must strive for in their marriages.

Reclaim what pornography has stolen from you. Choose to break the cycle. Choose to stand for intimacy in a culture drowning in illusion. “So we’re drawing a line,” John Mandeville says, “and whatever it takes, the generation that grows up behind us is going to run where we stumble.”

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  1. Scott C

    Luke – can I correct you, without it being taken as an attack? You are wrong to categorically say it’s about wanting a fantasy. Could be, maybe was for you… but you cannot just say that’s what it is – and I correct you not to split hairs or get my 2c in (believe me if I was getting my 2c in my post would not fit) – I say it because the struggle is for some far more complicated than anything I’ve ever seen addressed, and you are speaking to lives that may very well hang in the balance. I’m not even saying you’re necessarily wrong, but only he can tell you.

    Renee – don’t believe (everyone here will agree) it has ANYTHING to do with being about you not being enough, your fault, or anything alone those lines. I would also encourage you (as most here will DISagree with) to NOT read anything – or listen to anyone but God and your husband. Be understanding, and honest. Above all woo him to be honest with you – give him a safe place to be real with you, it is VERY hard to tell someone you love something you know will hurt them – practically impossible if they don’t believe you will understand. He is not necessarily not worth fighting for… and focusing on you – what you should / should not have to deal with, what you deserve, how you feel or what is right / wrong is not the way to healing.

    • Hi Scott,

      Perhaps the issue is related to the way I’m using (or not defining what I mean by) fantasy. Porn, by definition, is fantasy (as least as far as I’m using the term here), in the same way we would say all movies are fantasy: it tells a story about things that happen in an alternate world. Can you help to clarify what you mean?

  2. renee

    confronteI’m gonna be a bit short with this. Just want to know where my husband stands in between either having a addiction to porn or is it normal and how am I to feel/address it. I’m 27 he’s 32. We been married a yr. I confronted him about watching 2months ago. We sorta agreed from my point and his point of view. Now last night I checked his browser on phone and there’s a lot of browsing.. I can constantly have sex with him 4times a day if he would feel the same. We have maybe once a week then we were dating it was 2/3times.. now not so much. I tested him actually. Went 8days without making a give to him. He didn’t even budge. Idk what I’m lacking and why he feels he’s gotta be connected to that. I get I’m tired or I just wanna relax tonight. Right after he just took jes edge off… I hear this all the time any man would love to have a women like me. I’m a bit of a sex fanatic. It’s not like I have to have it. But mostly I love it with my husband and want to enjoy it now before my drive runs out… any help anyone??

    • Renee,

      Nothing you are doing is driving him to the porn. You didn’t cause this and you can change it. This is something he must choose to change in his life.

      It comes as a surprise to many people that men will still look at porn even though their wives are beautiful by society’s standards and are sexually very available. This is because looking at porn isn’t about just wanting sex. It is about wanting a fantasy.

      I highly recommend you get this book (you can download it for free). It is all about women in your situation: Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives.

  3. TIFF

    I have been married to my husband for 6 years. Going into the marriage I had no idea about his porn addiction. We have struggled tremendously throughout our marriage because it’s on going. I’m tired of being lied to. Here’s the problem- this last incident he did come forth and tell me that he “slipped” but he lied about the frequency and type. He seems to be into some pretty graphic rape porn. Honestly, it scares me. It’s just gotten more and more graphic. I have tried to be understanding and work with him but I don’t know if this is where I should throw in the towel?

    • I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, Tiff. Unfortunately this is the direction a lot of porn goes: more violent, more degrading. Does he know that you know about his lie?

    • Alive

      Your husband (judging only from the details you gave and inference) is struggling. It is a complicated struggle – and you do need to confront ANY lies in a marriage, especially those related to sex… however please also don’t swallow anything you hear from even “Christian” sites or books – the one-sided carte-blanche oversimplifications that resonate with how you FEEL (valid) can be as sick and satanic as the world he is flirting with… if not more. I pray you will unreservedly continue to give him your whole heart and love as though you’ve never been hurt – that approach will never bring shame upon yourself, and if it brings pain it will be worth it in the end. It DOES without question need to be dealt with, but understand if you even have a towel to “through in” because your husband isn’t perfect or has sin – perhaps you have some soul searching to do yourself. Whatever flavor (denomination) or depth your walk with Jesus is, a human heart given to another is worthy of no less – and only you and God can work out what has been given to you and thus owed back – be very cautious in making that assessment and I highly recommend you be wary of ANY voice that resonates with what you feel. It is ABSOLUTELY without question you do not deserve to be made to feel like not enough, and that porn is dangerous – but so is ALL sin, and emotional abandonment is no less.

  4. Jeri-Lynn

    My husband and I have been together for 9 years and I have known about his addiction for about 5 of thoes years. I have confronted him about it in the past but he denys it. In the last 2 months I have noticed a spike in his porn watching acitvity but I haven’t said anything about it yet. He buys the movies on our TV, I see the bill but he thinks I’m too naieve to realize what the $20 movies are. I think tonight will be the night I talk to him about it. We have 4 kids together, the youngest is 2 months and I just don’t have much of a sex drive and he seems to be offended by it.
    I realize I have been neglecting him since at the end of the day I am too exausted. He hardly talks to me and when he does it’s only in a sexual nature. He dosen’t cuddle with me anymore, he turns away from my advances. The only time he seems interested in me is when I’m washing dishes and he will pull my pants down, jerk off behind me then cum in my undies. That irritates me. There is no foreplay, no talking or kissing then he walks away and I am left with a mess in my panties. I feel hurt and unwanted like I’m not good enough anymore.

    • Wow. What your husband is doing to you is about the most unmanly thing I can think of: using you for sexual pleasure and then turning around to get pleasure from women on a screen. Pathetic.

      If you do confront him (and I recommend you do) go into that conversation with as much info as you can get. If you can get access to the movie titles, do it. If you can check Internet history in the home, do it. Find everything you can so there’s little wiggle room for him to lie or be evasive.

      He may outright admit it. I recommend you read this book if that’s the case. It’s free to download on our website and it is specifically for women like yourself.

  5. Excellent post Luke. Thanks so much! Keep up the good work bro.

    • Thanks, Bernie. Let us know if you’d ever like to write for our blog. Loved your work with Somebody’s Daughter.

  6. Becky

    I recently found a USB stick with some porn on it. My husband claims is years old and he hasn’t viewed it, except the day he found it for one minute then he felt disgusted and shut it off. The thing is he didn’t throw it away, but looked it up, where I found it. I believed him, because he seems very remorseful, but I wonder why it wasn’t thrown away and I am torturing myself with the images I have seen of the perfect bodied women, so sexy and my husbands dream. I also have this sick need to want to view it again just to hurt myself more. I want to see what she has that I don’t, even though it’s obvious. I am the mother of 3 of his kids, and 6 months pregnant with our fourth. I feel like I need to trust him, but can’t.

    • Hi Becky,

      I am so sorry your eyes were subjected to that. It can put some lies in your head, for sure.

      Keep in mind, one of the reasons men get sucked into porn isn’t just because of the bodies of the women. What they are drawn to is the whole experience: they can see whoever they want, how ever many women they want, all completely customizable, all clickable, and none of the women have needs of their own. Porn is not just about lust, but about power. My point is that no woman, no matter how she measures up to society’s standards of beauty, can compete with an harem of women on a thumb drive. The problem is most definitely not you.

      Assuming your husband is telling truth, it is good that he showed remorse and that his gut response to seeing the porn again was disgust. I don’t know the depths of his porn habit in the past, but it shows great progress to go for a long time not watching any porn.

      He didn’t destroy the thumb drive because he wasn’t completely repenting of his sin. At the time when he hid it away, he wanted to reserve the right to come back to it some time. Perhaps he forgot all about it for a while and stumbled on it himself. I don’t know. Either way, I hope leaving a back door to temptation open has taught him something valuable. What is important now is the two of you talking about ways he can rebuild trust.

  7. James Lanier

    Hey Me,

    I’m really proud of you for your desire to obey God. One of the most encouraging things in the world is when God drives us to the point where we must choose Him or death, and then He gives us the ability to do the impossible and choose him.

    I want to challenge you to keep confessing even in the little struggles–in fact especially the little struggles to the godly guys you have as accountability partners in your life. Staying in the light is SO important.

    Let me leave you with three thoughts:

    1. Lust/porn are symptoms of a worship problem. As Luke often says, you worship your way into this problem, and you must worship your way out.
    2. I highly recommend Heath Lambert’s new book Finally Free.
    3. I think Zechariah 3 is a passage you might want to read. If you are committed to loving God today, you could hardly find a passage more encouraging and convicting in all of Scripture.

    I’ll be praying for you as often as I can remember. Trust God to complete this work–and obey Him as you seize His promises!

    • I echo James’ thoughts here. Dr. Lambert’s book is excellent. You might also enjoy Tim Chester’s Closing the Window.

  8. me

    I know you’re right Luke. Deep down I know it.
    Please pray for me. I don’t know how or when I’ll tell her but it will have to be soon.
    We hope to have children soon, and I want her to know who could be raising her children before that happens so she’ll have a choice as to who or what will take that job.
    I don’t know how to do it. I’m so scared. She makes me as whole as I’ve ever been, aside from this dark rift I’ve hidden.
    Please help me find the strength to tell her, and to be alone without causing harm to myself, because the temptation will never be greater than at that moment.
    I need so much help.

    • I will pray for you, yes. And I agree you do need help. If you don’t have friends or mentors that you confide in to talk about this stuff, then now is the time to get them. There’s no shaming in talking about this with someone so they can be a sounding board for you (before you talk to your wife). You certainly want to get all the wisdom you can about this.

    • me - Will

      I told her. It’s finally over. I told her and her whole family (except the young ones). I thank you so much for your prayer and encouragement. Now I can finally grow in Christ again, and be the man he wanted me to be. My wife has forgiven me, but she will never forget, and I don’t know if she’ll ever stop hurting. But I have committed to making my life a mission to grow in Christ and daily earn her trust.

    • Glad to hear you finally did it. Good work. That was hard, I know, but in some ways it is the easy part. The day-by-day work of regaining her trust is difficult as well, but it is well worth it. Here are some articles and videos to get you started:

      1. Rebuilding Trust in a Marriage After Pornography
      2. Tips on Rebuilding Trust With Your Spouse After Porn
      3. My Husband’s Porn Addiction: How We Rebuilt Trust
      4. How to trust again after pornography? 5 Commandments of Sex Addiction Recovery

      I also highly recommend the two series by Christian counselor Brad Hambrick: False Love (for you) and True Betrayal (for your wife). Both are excellent and free. Get together with someone who will be your accountability partner, watch these videos together, and talk about them. It will change your life.

  9. Me

    Since before puberty I have had a sexual fascination for women’s necks.
    I don’t know how it started, and I have never suffered abuse.
    Pornography created a way for me to gratify that obsession in horrendous ways. It has influenced my behavior to the point that I have watched it almost daily. More than once in a sober fit of satanic lust I even assaulted an animal when I had no access to pornography. When I became engaged to my dear wife I thought it would end. Now I’m a married man with a sexual obsession who secretly watches porn when I can no longer battle temptation. My wife deserves better, but I can’t bring myself to tell her what I’ve done. I’m a coward. I feel I have the strength to stop, but I have no motivation because if I haven’t told her, it doesn’t matter when I stopped; I still did it at some time, and it will hurt her more than I can bear.
    She has spoken against pornography firmly, and I let her know that I agree. And I do. But I am a true hypocrite.

    I considered whether I would have the strength to join a monastery and devote my life to repentance after she divorces me, but I’ve decided…
    I’d rather either suffer my whole life in the flames of guilt, and go strait to hell,
    or take my own life and go there still, which would by my just portion…
    Than to see her heart break before my very eyes.
    I’m just not that strong. God please help me.

    @ Jan:
    Jesus could never justify something as beastly as porn, you freak. Keep thinking like that and you’ll end up like me. I was normal once. I WAS NORMAL ONCE. Jesus said to lust is to commit adultery in your heart, so you have broken your vows as I have. curiosity is no excuse for sin. But none of this matters. You’ll say your part, and I’ll say mine, and you’ll do what you want, and what you say for yourself will have NO affect on the consequences in your future.

    God help me and Jan.

    • Hi Me,

      I know the thought of telling your wife sounds like it is worse than hell itself. Believe me, I get it. That is a confession no Christian man wants to make. It is terrifying and heartbreaking.

      I know it must seem like a sacrificial act to put your wife’s happiness ahead of your eternal happiness, but what it sounds like you’re doing is putting your wife above God. You sound as if you are willing to brazenly sin against God, keeping everything a secret from you wife, so you can help your wife to avoid pain. You know I don’t know your heart. I’ve only read this brief comment of yours. But ask God to search your heart: are you willing to betray your marriage vows by watching porn, spiraling deeper and deeper into sexual bondage, keeping everything a secret, just so you can continue in the sin and spare your wife some heartbreak?

      Going to hell won’t help things. Hell is the place where the insanity of our sin and self-absorption reaches an eternal climax, always lusting but never satisfied. Your wife doesn’t want that for you. You shouldn’t want that for yourself. Don’t spit in the face of Grace. Jesus is able to save anyone who comes to Him.

      Change is possible. Change is more than possible because we worship a God performs the impossible. This is an addiction, but God can overcome addictions. But change will involve you letting the secret out. I know that sounds like a high price to pay, but it is not as big of a price as your wife is paying right now. She may not know about your addiction, but it is robbing you of the man you could be, thus robbing her of the husband she could have.

  10. Jan

    As the Bible also says, there’s a time and place for everything…I think this applies to porn as well. Watching porn doesn’t mean you’ll start cheating on your wife, take her for granted or withdraw from the marriage sexually or emotionally.
    Come on guys, watch it with the cliches and generalizations !
    Different strokes for different folks…

    • Obviously, we disagree on this (as you can tell from the above article). This article doesn’t say all men withdraw from intimacy with their wives because they watch porn, but that this is a risk. Watching porn is unfaithfulness to your spouse.

    • Jen

      You are in denial if you believe that it is not affecting you or your spouse. The Bible clearly shows that even looking at another woman is sinful, so clearly a time and place for everything would not include watching porn! Get real.

    • Jan

      Hey Jen, thanks for taking the time to reply.
      I hear you but I think you’re misunderstanding me – I’m not trying to assert that porn does not affect me, my wife, or my marriage. Anything we come in contact with affects us, from somebody’s second-hand cigarette smoke thru to yes, pornography. That porn has an effect on me and my marriage does not mean that the effect is necessarily a negative one – that depends on the person(s) involved. Jesus himself says in the Bible that it’s not what goes into you that makes you unclean, it’s what comes out of you. So just because I consume sexual material does not make me unclean. I’m unclean if I treat my wife badly, or behave in a way that does not please God. And no, I don’t believe that God has a problem with someone expressing curiosity about sexuality. I believe that discomfort about sexuality is a human trait, not a Godly one. Thoughts?

    • Barbara

      Maybe you should be googling your brain on porn. Then maybe you won’t make your comments you just made. There is science that proves what it does to the person ane relaionships, Also what it does to the brain.

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A couple facing one another, holding hands.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Forgiveness vs. Trust: Why Knowing the Difference is Essential

The first 8 years of Troy and Melissa’s marriage were horrible because…

The first 8 years of Troy and Melissa’s marriage were horrible because of Troy’s sexual addiction. As God healed them—Troy from his addiction and Melissa from betrayal trauma—they developed a passion for helping other couples.…

3 minute read

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A woman praying with her Bible.

Rebuild Your Marriage

How To (Biblically) Lament Your Husband’s Pornography Use

After I found out that my husband had been viewing pornography, I…

After I found out that my husband had been viewing pornography, I was devastated. As I processed my grief, one of my dearest friends posed this question to me: “What did you lose when your…

3 minute read

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Happy couple at the beach.

Rebuild Your Marriage

Rebuilding Trust in Marriage Through Boundaries

In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it’s…

In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it’s common for one person to feel responsible for the healing process, while the other doesn’t take enough responsibility. This dynamic can lead to…

5 minute read

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Happy family of six.

Rebuild Your Marriage

From Secret Addiction to Full Transparency

After being married for eight years, I came home unexpectedly one afternoon…

After being married for eight years, I came home unexpectedly one afternoon to find out that my husband had a pornography addiction. I was defeated, brokenhearted, and overwhelmed. I was a young, stay-at-home mom with…

4 minute read

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