1 minute read

Tips on Rebuilding Trust With Your Spouse After Porn

Last Updated: February 18, 2014

Luke Gilkerson

Luke Gilkerson has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and an MA in Religion. He is the author of Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability and The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Luke and his wife Trisha blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com

Married people with sexual struggles usually have trust issues. Trust has been broken, not because of the sexual struggles themselves, but because of the hiding and lying that takes place. We slip. We look at porn. We engage in unwanted sexual behavior. We feel shame and guilt and then we hide it from our spouses.

If trust has been ruptured in your marital relationship it can be repaired, but some serious steps have to be taken. In this video I share five trust rebuilders.

Here are the five tips:

  1. Get outside help
  2. Let your spouse talk to someone
  3. Give your spouse space
  4. Never ever lie about your struggles
  5. Be where you are supposed to be, when you’re supposed to be

Coaching, Groups, and Accountability: We Can Help!

My wife and I offer a support groups and coaching at PurityCoaching.com and a service called Accountability Jumpstarts where we are willing to be your Accountability Partner for one, two, or three months. It could be a great help to you, especially when your spouse needs to be able to trust your Accountability Partners.

For Covenant Eyes readers only, use the code COVEYES25 for a 25% discount on their Accountability Jumpstarts service.

  • Comments on: Tips on Rebuilding Trust With Your Spouse After Porn
    1. Steve Etner on

      Great advice!

      As a man who battled for 30 years with pornography, I know full well how powerful lying and deceit (as well as pride, fear and self-loathing) becomes. Accountability for you is crucial. Accountability for your spouse is greatly beneficial.

      An additional thought I’d like to share is this: when your spouse distances themselves from you, or seems to yell at you for no apparent reason, appears moody, or accuses you of things you know you didn’t do, keep this in mind – they’ve been hurt and betrayed by the one they love. Instead of arguing with them, seeking to defend yourself, listen to what their heart is saying (Matt. 12:34). Look beyond your own pain and see theirs. Allow the healing process to take place and don’t rush it.

      Reply
      • Holly on

        That would be such a comfort and I believe, cause healing to come alot faster.

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *