Covenant Eyes exists to help people overcome porn. However, the battle against porn doesn’t start on your computer or smartphone. It begins in the desires of our hearts and the thoughts of our minds. In this article, Kristen outlines how single Christians can take their fight against porn to the next level by attacking lustful thoughts and desires.
With tears streaming down my face, I sat alone in my room. As a 22-year-old Christian single woman, I was battling against my flesh and the sexual temptations in my mind…again. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to fight against the lust in my life. I wanted to honor God. But it felt too hard. It felt almost impossible.
I’ve been married now for six years, but I was single for 24 years prior to that. I remember all too well the unfulfilled sexual desires that I had during that season of life. Moments of tears and struggle like the one above were normal for me. There were many times when I viewed my sex drive as a curse. I wished my desires would just go away altogether and then reappear when I got married.
I struggled with strong urges for sexual fulfillment.
As much as I wanted to throw in the towel and ditch God’s plan for sex, I decided to search God’s Word for hope and answers. Over time, God’s Word helped me understand that my sexual desires weren’t a curse, but a blessing. His word also reminded me that He would give me the grace to handle my desires until marriage happened—if it happened (2 Corinthians 12:9).
If you’re single right now, your sex drive might feel like a curse to you as well. I want to share with you some of the things that helped me handle my sexual desires as a single woman, and I hope they’re encouraging to you as well.
Related: More Than Single–Finding Purpose Beyond Porn
1. Understand God’s Design for Sex
God created sex and it’s a beautiful thing within the covenant of marriage. God also created us to be sexual beings with desires and longings for sexual intimacy. We are sexual beings from the moment we’re born. We don’t become sexual beings once we get married. However, God’s design for sex is good and beautiful only when enjoyed in the right context.
Is thinking about sex a sin?
Healthy sexual desires are not wrong or sinful. They’re actually 100% normal. It’s normal for you, as a single person, to look forward to and be excited about enjoying God’s gifts of sexual intimacy within marriage. However, these good desires can quickly become sinful if we turn them into lust, or use them with the wrong person at the wrong time.
God created sex to be a binding force between a husband and wife to unite them as one in marriage (Mark 10:8).
This covenantal seal also comes with intentional blessings such as physical pleasure and the opportunity to bring new life into the world.
What does the Bible say about urges?
As Christians, we must have a strong understanding of God’s holy design for sex if we’re going to handle our own sexual desires in the right way. I encourage you to read another post I wrote called “Why I Chose to Save Sex for Marriage” to help you build a strong biblical foundation.
2. Prepare for Battle
As a single person, your sexual desires may be a normal part of God’s design, but they can also be the largest area for temptation. The battle for purity is real, and it’s an intense one. We live in a culture that has totally perverted God’s design for sex and pressures us to “join in on the fun.”
Yes, the world tries to lure us into its perversion, but the battle for purity begins within the walls of our hearts. James 1:14 says, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.”
Our heart is sinful and is constantly trying to carry us away and entice us towards lust.
We need to recognize our own bent toward sexual sin and prepare ourselves for this battle. We won’t win unless we’re proactively striving after holiness, purity, and a passion for God’s glory.
Related: The Best Way to Block Porn (It Isn’t What You Think)
The best place to start is by spending time worshipping the true and living God every day. Get in His word and allow His truth to transform your thinking. Pray every morning (and throughout the day) asking God to help you love His holiness more than you love yourself. Don’t let the battle of sexual temptation take you by surprise.
3. Make the Choice to Fight or Flee
As you live your daily life in the sinful world, you will undoubtedly come face-to-face with sexual temptation. For example, you might be innocently shopping for something online when a sensual ad pops up. You didn’t seek it out. You weren’t even looking for it. But there it is.
Or you may simply be trying to fall asleep one night when your mind is suddenly bombarded with sexual thoughts. You’re instantly tempted to dwell on these thoughts in your mind.
What does the Bible say about sexual urges?
Sexual temptation comes in all shapes and sizes and often doesn’t give us a lot of warning.
When sexual temptations hit you have two options. You can either (A) Fight it, or (B) Flee from it.
A: Fight it. Fighting needs to happen when you can’t physically get away from it.
You can’t physically escape a sexual thought in your head, so you need to choose to fight against it. You can’t escape driving through a city with sexualized billboards, but you can choose to fight it by not looking at them.
God will help you fight your temptations–you are not alone.
1 Corinthians 10:13 offers us that powerful promise: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
B. Flee from it. The next best way to fight it is to simply flee.
This is a great option! This looks like you physically removing yourself from the temptation. If a movie turns south, turn it off. Don’t keep watching it. If your friends start talking about inappropriate things, leave the conversation. If that phone app is tempting you towards lust, get rid of it.
Don’t wait around hoping to be “strong enough.” Get away from the temptation. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
4. Make Victory Easier
Fighting the battle of lust in our hearts is already difficult without added temptation. I can’t encourage you enough to set yourself up for success by removing as much sexual temptation from your life as possible. This means pitching sexualized computer games, saying no to raunchy magazines like Cosmo, deleting impure or sensual phone apps, saying no to impure movies, turning off that sensual song, etc. You get the idea.
If you desire purity and holiness, you must battle for it. It doesn’t come naturally. Get rid of extra temptation and make victory easier to accomplish. Installing Screen Accountability through Covenant Eyes is always a great idea.
I pray those four points are helpful to you as you strive to handle your sexual desires in a God-honoring way.
I know it’s hard. I know it’s a battle. But with God’s help, and strategic planning on your part, you can steer your sexual desires in a God-honoring direction.
Editor’s note: We’ve received quite a few follow-up questions to this post. Here are a few more thoughts shared by someone who was single into his mid-30s.
How to Control Sexual Desires Before Marriage
Many Christian singles wish they could turn off sexual desire like a switch until it’s time for marriage. We can’t control our desires like that. However, the Bible teaches that truly liberating self-control comes through the power of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:23). It’s also a discipline (2 Peter 1:6). As you practice what Kristen recommends, both fighting and fleeing, you will learn that sexual desires do not have to be overpowering. You can desire sex without being controlled by that desire.
How to Release Sexual Tension When You Are Single
A second question I often hear is, “What about sexual tension? Where can I find relief when I’m already aroused?” If you’re following God’s plan, then you will likely experience unresolved sexual tension at times. I certainly did.
However, turning to porn is not the answer! Instead, as you learn to discipline your mind to avoid dwelling on sexual thoughts and sexually tempting content, the tension will decrease. By the time I reached my 30s, I learned to discipline my eyes and to speak to an ally if I was struggling with lust. Consequently, I did not experience nearly as much sexual tension as I did in my 20s.
I understand that we are to avoid them. You talk about what God’s design for sex is, I know all that. You talk about the need to escape the temptation, I know all of that as well. But what you haven’t said is, what the heck to do with these urges. What do we do with them. You cannot put them in a safe and tell yourself they don’t exist. You cannot shut them off like a light switch. You can read the bible until you are blue in the face. You can pray until you have no more air in your lungs. You can keep yourself preoccupied all day long if you can. But at some point they will come back. They will pop up, because that is who God made us to be, sexual beings who have sexual needs. The frustration, temptations and the down right fight is very overwhelming. So, tell me, what in the good Lord’s name are you supposed to do with them? No one tells me that answer. I am single/divorced 48 year old man with a sex drive so freaking high, it reaches heaven, and I want to blow up. And I am a recovering Porn addict, which I have had that issue since I was 14, which increases the temptation. And please, if I hear one more person tell me that I have a bad relationship with God and that is why I feel like this, I am going to scream and pull my hair out. I have had people use that against me so many times to manipulate me I can hear them in my sleep. Do you get the idea that I am frustrated beyond understanding? So can you tell me what I am supposed to do with them. I cannot shut them off.
Mark I feel your struggle. I don’t think there’s any quick fix, and I think the answer of what to do with those urges is to patiently endure them and honour God by not acting on them with sexual immorality. That’s really hard to hear because it will be a tough struggle. Be encouraged that Jesus is coming back and that when he does the eternal weight of glory that he brings to us will make these issues now seem light and momentary (2 Corinthians 4:17). Stay strong and keep praying for help from our Father
Dear Mark,
One of the reasons you do not get all the answers you need for this kind of problem is because not many know the true answer and I do not claim to be an expert! LOL
Firstly, I want us all to understand that this is far from a single guy or gals issue! Good solid married people have the same issues!
A couple of examples: wife too tired because of nursing and getting up and taking care of baby plus her regular daily work or job, sometimes husbands feel replaced, rejected…we’ll save this for another day..
Husband is handed a crushing load of responsibility from his salaried job, so he is working 90 hours a week and can not afford (in his mind) that he can allow anything else in his life, his job is sucking the life out of him….
Anyhow, I am assuming that you are a very passionate person, a get it done kind of guy, like to lead and not a follower, if I am wrong, just say so, lol
God has made you this way to be the leader he has chosen you to be. David was one of these types and screwed up a little!
Some people do not have this kind of calling and have a hard time understanding them that do.
This next part is not easy, and will most likely only understood by those that have this type of calling on their lives.
Please see this as a blessing and not a curse! There is a time and place for everything in our lives, even this!
Learn to take this sexual drive and let it manifest itself into the leadership role, or for the preparation of that leadership role that He has planned for you. Thank God for the extra energy that He has placed in you to fight and win many battles in life as king David did and saving the people many times. Harness this extra power God has given you and use it for His good, and when the time comes that you can actually release that energy in a sexual way it will be a most wonderful thing. But as of now, use that extra power, energy that God has blessed you with to overcome in the positions that you now are in. If I knew more about you I could more accurately access the situation.This is kind of like a fuel booster so you can get the job done (whatever that may be at this time of your life) and do it quite easily, compared to someone that does not have this gift and they would most likely fail in the mission. Say “Thank you Father for this gift you have given me and I will use it to glorify you and your purposes at this time!” when you feel these sexual desires approaching. Ask him where He wants you to apply this extra boost of energy that he is supplying you with, listen closely to that still small voice and run with it!
This truth will absolutely change your life! What you thought all this time was a frustrating, unsolvable challenge was Gods way of equipping you. How powerful is that! You are so special.
You have a special calling no doubt, God needs sons and daughters like you to fulfill his purposes on this earth. Use your gifts appropriately and you will be a very blessed man.
Good day my man and God bless
Mark, I totally hear what you’re saying. As a 40 something female, I deal with sexual frustration regularly. It’s biological and there’s no getting around it. A woman in my old ministry years back shared her frustrations of being single, at her sexual peak, but traveling for business, no opportunity to date or a relationship. You’re right, I wish any of us had the answer to our plight. And it is a plight. It’s darned unfair to be single and unattached when we have needs, and struggle to stay faithful to God, for marriage, when it never seems to happen.
I’m what you call a traditional devout Christian but when it comes to not yielding to obscene sexual urges; the kind that compels you to watch pornography, masturbate or lust, I fail most of the time in this regard.
I believe in the word of God that sin shall not have Dominion over me.
The problem, however, is haven’t fully experienced this. This is my heart’s cry.. please what do I do to overcome this urge when it comes.
And please, give me scriptures and pray for me. Thanks you brother in Christ.
Hi Mark, I fully understand what you are going through, it’s tough. I talk from experience. If you can find love, you can marry again so you can do it with a wife that is a Godly way. But if it’s difficult to get married then it is a challenge, somehow you need to release the sexual tension.
But my advice is, talk to God your creator to help you, even if you fall, more often than not, I masterbate to release the sexual tension, but this has to be your last resort.
I usually feel so guilty after the act but I usually go for confession. At first the frequency was high but now it’s dying bit by bit now I can masturbate once a month or in two months. In the early years I would go out to look for men to do it cz the feelings were too strong for me as somebody who was married for nine years. I am still fighting the feelings to be completely free from masturbation. My hope is that one day I will completely conquer or God would bless me with a husband to share these desires with.
I am a woman but also was very promiscuous before I got saved and have battled lots with sexual urges but by help and power of the Holy Spirit I have overcome still get times where I have to cry out to Jesus to help me .
The secret is to be so in love with Jesus and filled with His Holy Spirit the more you desire and draw close to Him the more the sinful nature won’t be such a problem.
It’s all about being close and in love with Jesus and all the spirit filled repentance, hatred for sin , praying and and bible reading come from the Holy Spirit power from the deep love relationship with Jesus .
If we are not careful we try and do it ourselves .
It all comes from loving the true God of the bible and believing and wanting to obey His word .
We don’t become perfect overnight
Rest in His love , don’t fret and ask Him to really help you with the sexual temptation you are suffering .
I often think me being a woman it’s bad and I actually think how the heck do men manage bless em.
I Pray you really fall more in love with Jesus.
If you don’t have that just tell Him .
Say Jesus I want to fall more in love with you , He will help you with all your battle against sin He fights if we are wanting to turn from sin which I can clearly see you are , you really had enough eh .
Bless you
I feel your frustration. I am 38 and struggling so much with a high sexual urges. I keep being told to read my bible and focus on God (as if I haven’t already), pray and keep busy. But the desires are still here rising by the day. Why do we have to have these desires if we weren’t meant to have sex before marriage? It just feels like a terrible game of torture. I’ve prayed for a husband since 19 but none has been forthcoming. Sigh!
Hey Brother I’m in the same boat! and the only conceivable answer I found is fasting. I’m starting today.
I sympathize with you since i know the pain-i started masturbating at 3 and half years old!I still remember everything!
Sometimes God sends a man to the doctor.If it is an addiction,you should seek a doctor.Also,there are foods that will decrease your libido.Like cheese,red meat,licorice,mint,tonic water (Quinine),chocolate,fried foods,microwave popcorn (chemical in the bag it’s in),cornflakes (the inventor was a big fan of abstinence!) and avoid cinnamon and honey cause they increase it.
You are supposed to “punish” the brain by not giving in,no matter what!The cravings will get lower and lower and fewer-more towards normal but i would not advise you to do this without medical supervision.It’s about the Dopamine free swimming in the brain without the Oxytocin (bonding hormone of relationships) to counter-effect the Dopamine.
You can,if you “yank” yourself too much,get pseudo-Parkinsonian symptoms of trembling.It means your Dopamine levels are low by all the “yanking”.They’re are support groups for this for men.Look up “no Fap” and see if it can help you.It’s not religious though.
Be encouraged brother!It took some time to get to that level and it will take time to get out of it!
“The one who is in me is stronger than the one who is in the world”.
Even single Christians get married to Jesus in heaven as part of the Bride of Christ. That is important to remember in avoiding fornication, masturbation, and pornography. God does not take away sexual desires from single people because it represents the love of God for us. True intimacy with God in heaven is way better pleasure than sex on Earth. I think we just get a small taste of that in the form of sex on Earth before going to heaven. Sexual desire can be a blessing or a curse. If it drives you to sin, then it is a curse. If you can resist sexual temptations, you will receive more rewards in heaven and will be a blessing. Fornication is always easy for me to avoid, but masturbation has been the biggest problem. Realizing that sexual desire can be a blessing as a single person has provided me a lot of motivation to avoid masturbation recently. It is really hard and not easy. Minimize masturbation as much as you can to honor God. God knows what you can handle in that mission. Just stay motivated and keep your eyes on the prize, which is Jesus.
Well, I’m single and I’m burning. I get you more than you can imagine. I wish God sent a man who’d marry me and we’d be intimate every day. God bless, Bly, 48 year old very attractive and loving God woman
Hello..
I have found the woman of my dreams out of more prayers and confirmations from the lord.
So here is the deal.
My fiancé’s mother is a praying woman and she told me that God spoke to here regarding our wedding that “I would be travelling abroad for 2 years and after that I would be wedding her daughter”
For me.. to accept this is really difficult.
Because I can’t control my sexual desire and it’s so tough.
My question is “is it ok ? If I get married and fly abroad with my wife so that I would stop lusting.” Instead of burning with sexual desires.
What’s your say on this?
I personally think you should marry first before going abroad. Also, God can speak to you about your plans and not only to your mother in law. Whatever anyone tells you should be a confirmation of what God has told you.
Yaah I think if your love is deeper than sex just get married. You don’t need to burn with desire when you found a soul mate
But I’m a woman I can’t proposed a man rather
Being a virgin is for men as well not only women.if you agree comment yes
Yes. Thanks for mentioning it in a world that sees men messing up sexually as normal.
I am a 56 single man that burns with sexual desire on a regular basis. I have been praying that God would help me get this under control. I wish there was a switch in the back of my head that I can turn off!
Hi Roger if you are burning with sexual desire, why don’t you find yourself a wife then
Replying to Angela – That is the stupidest thing. NO DONT GO FIND A WIFE JUST TO PLEASE YOUR OWN SEXUAL DESIRES. That is incredibly selfish and disgusting. You don’t get married for the purpose of sex. Just like if you’re married, your spouse STILL DOES NOT OWE YOU SEX IF THEY DONT WANT TO. And if you force them without their consent thats called rape, even in a marriage.
Am margy,44 a single mom of three.just to think that my body is the temple of God really helps me.when temptations arise i just think that God is too close.
Am trying to understand this temple with God ,nothing is impossible.
I have a desire to live for God,am sure He listens to me.i dobt know about tomorrow but i trust God,read His word,i get busy and avoid idle moments,i also keep off any leads for temptation.
Thank you, God bless you more. What I wanna say is only this, just attach for me your daily or weekly posts on this my email accounts
Where can one find help for a widow of a 35 yr. Marriage. Sexual struggles are so much harder since sex was part of my life for so long. Suddenly I’m like the lusting teenager again and I thought it would be much easier at my age.
The only one who keeps me from this is Jesus I focus on Him and am so in love with Him the Holy Spirit gives me strengths. Stay in the word of God lots also.I used to be in tears often earlier on in my walk with Jesus because the physical urges were so strong but He has really helped me.
I do at times really struggle on ocasion but I know I can just tell Him everything I speak to Jesus openly about the urges when i get them .He has helped me so much .
Also remember yes Jesus was God on the earth but He was a physical man and the bible says we don’t have a high priest who cannot sympathise but has been tempted in all ways yet without sin , He is the only one who can teach us to deal with our temptations wether sexual or otherwise.
Perhaps the passage that says “better to marry than to burn” also applies. Ask yourself what the non-biblical barriers are to you getting married are? Do you agree that you should get your degree and get a job first? Do you believe that you should spend the bulk of your 20s engaged in a series of monogamous celibate relationships to discern what kind of man or woman you should get married to when you are in your 30s?
I used to wonder why God gave me the peak of my libido at the age of 19 or 20. What was he thinking? Why not wait until I am “ready to be married” and then have my peak libido kick in? Now that I am older, I have become a strong advocate for marrying young with the only prerequisite that they be a fellow believer and that you are in love with them.
But the cultural nonsense of “waiting until you are ready” has created the unsolvable dilemma of spending years in unfulfilled sexual desires using every known strategy of lust management. This is not biblical. The culture has figured out a solution to the trend of late marriage. It’s called fornication. For some it means one night stands and for others it means a series of monogamous sexual pre-marital relationships. Either way, it is sinful. So while you are deploying all of the anti-lust weapons of spiritual warfare, please understand that the Bible shows the way. Ladies, don’t be afraid to take a chance on that 20 year old guy who still lives with his parents. He won’t still be available when you are 30. Guys, you will not make it to 30 with your virginity intact unless you simultaneously lack most of the necessary social skills to woo and win a suitable wife.
What happens if you have an autism spectrum disorder like me and a strong sex drive? How do you manage then? It hurts every single day and I pray much. But most of the time I give in to temptation because, despite trying, I doubt marriage will ever happen.
I was a virgin up till 30 and it was not my social skills that got me to loose it either. But regardless I guess this means my social skills are very lacking. I wonder if it means something is wrong with me.
I think this is great! Honest and real. The battle is fierce. The wisest, strongest and the man after God’s heart (Solomon, Simson and David) ALL gave in to sexual sin – who are we to think we will not?!
With a conviction and a new sense of appreciation for what sex is, a worshipful act to honour God and to be enjoyed where He is present. I commend anyone who gets married young. You are doing yourselves a GREAT favour and I am convinced that is why we are encouraged to ‘marry the lover of our youth’.
As for me, although this is a very real battle and in many ways, at age 30, I wished my picture looked different, but it doesn’t… Less of me more of Him. He knows the past, present and future. I will accept and rejoice for no mind has conceived what He has in store for me. Pick up that cross and walk in the freedom He declared on the cross and do not let yourselves be enslaved/entangled by sin.
I do agree with you in the sense that we have all these silly standards like “i need the right job” before we marry, but the Bible also says not to rush into marriage also, can you imagine how bad it would be to rush into marriage with the wrong person, using only the standard of them being a believer and you love them? Domestic violence rates are apparently about the same for Christian people and non Christians, just a thought. Fighting the battle for sexual purity has to be better than fighting the battle for Child access in court following a messy situation. I do agree with you for the most part though, putting off marriage as routine until as late as possible is inviting fornication and it really is too difficult and expensive to get married nowadays, it should be seen as a routine event, not something you have to get a good job, degree, travel the world, spend £20,000 on etc etc etc we make it too difficult
Mitch, you didn’t address the situation where a person desires to marry early but it just doesn’t seem to happen.
I would have loved to be married at 20 but buy 19, I contracted a terrible sickness that held me bound till I was well into my 20s. I got well and all the men that came wanted a graduate, a working class lady or sex before marriage. I had to go to college late since I spent my prime battling for my life. As for sex before marriage, does that really guarantee marriage?
Please Mitch, what should one do if all the people that come around want everything else first before they consider marrying you?
Question for the author Kristen. Did you actially stop masturbation and looking at porn for long periods of time as a single person?
I ask because I am a single guy who has not looked at porn or masturbated in over two years, and well I applied different verses than you do to over come my addiction. If you want to read my story you can find it at singlevsporn.com but I dont think addiction recovery is as simply as this article seems to want to make it.
I pitty you. You probably werent addicted to porn you were just horny… Like most people thanks to biology we have sex drive to sustain human race. There is nothing bad about being horny, or watching porn when you are horny.
Trying to stop masturbating or having sex (belive it or not but for your brain they are pretty similar) is like trying to stop eating or breathing. Its a basic biological need that every heatlhy human has. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to being ashamed of your needs.
Alright i don’t belive in Jahve or any other god for that matter. I’m not againts it as long as you keep your faith to your self. But when i read this website i pitty everyone who belives this crap you are shamed for being normal human.
Now if you talk about filtering porn from children thats another thing but adults? Now i know i can be seen as antichrist (if you saw me in real life you would probably think i came from hell :D) but if you don’t belive me read some studies and you will see what i mean.
Either way good luck and take care
Hi,I’m almost 38 years old very attractive single mother.I’m a Bible school graduate and I’d love to think about myself as a devoted Christian.I’ve always had the desire to get married (since I was 12) and unfortunately I have a very strong sexual desire. Unfortunately,God hasn’t send me the right person to get married to (I got married once to a very wrong person).So therefore my very strong sexual desire is a real curse for me!!!!!I prayed and prayed for husband as well as for a gift of celibacy (which I believe is a real gift) at times.The only thing I look forward to is in heaven there won’t be marriage and in fact we won’t have a gender.My biggest salvation from this real torture of life!!!!!
Hey Klara,
Celibacy is not the only gift! Your sex drive is a gift, too. Like any gift, we have to learn how to manage ourselves in healthy ways. There’s been so much shaming of sexuality in the church, both for men and for women, that it’s hard for us to have an objective view of ourselves. Seeing yourself as wrong and broken doesn’t help you live with the reality of who you are. Try out self-acceptance for a while and see where that gets you instead!
Kay
I THINK YOUR RIGHT!! BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THEY WERE INDICATING THAT IT DOES TAKE TIME. JM.
I’m not Kristen but I can answer your question.
First off, Kristen didn’t say it will be easy.
Like any other battle in life, overcoming impure sexual thoughts is not easy.
I’m 39, not yet married, my body screams almost everyday for sex but I have not given up on my fight for sexual purity. Some days are harder than others but I’ve been practicing Kristen’s 4 points long before reading this article, I search and listen online everytime for messages that will help me and in addition, spend a lot of time in God’s word and presence. You don’t know how many hours I spend exposing myself to God’s word yet….
It’s a battle brother, so we just must DAILY decide if the flesh will win or the spirit will win.
I have been struggling with watching porn for awhile now as a single man who is a virgin i have been clean for several nights now but it’s been hell fighting against my own flesh
Hi Isaiah! Thanks for reaching you. There are two ebooks I’d like you to check out. The first is “More than Single,” which is written by a single person for singles. Second, there’s “Hobbies and Habits“, which is about replacing unhelpful activities (i.e. porn) with life-giving activities!
Blessings,
Keith
Thank you for the 4 points. Key areas that need a lot of work and patience.
Thank you for the strategic ways on how to face this struggle . God bless :).
Thanks a lot! God bless
Done all of it doesnt freaking work I’m 31 study my bible memorize scripture serve in every capacity pray about it constantly work 2 jobs still masturbate at least 3 times a week cant find a wife I’m losing faith and losing it fast it haunts me every day temptations even enter my dreams!!!!!!
An article about controlling ones sex drive from a young woman who was married at 24 is useless and condescending to someone over 30. Long term single people have a struggle that she will never understand.
Truth. Thanks for telling it! Have you read Bromleigh McCleneghan’s Good Christian Sex? You might find it interesting.
Thank you for helping me.sexual feelings during this single life has been a big problem to me.
Thank you, so much. I am a Christian who has struggled alot in the area of a desire for companionship and sexual intimacy. I have been married twice and have 3 children. I divorced for the 2nd time in 2016. Since, then I have been struggling to be pure and obedient to God’s Word, in this area. I was led by God to end a budding relationship with a man who was not a Christian, who I did have sex with. I have prayed, cried out, and found myself asking God to take the desite for sex away from me. I believe God let me to your blog, it has truly been helpful. Thank you, so much for your encouragment. It is truly been a helpful blessing! May God continue to bless your ministry.
This is helpful… I’m in a period of hopelessness.. I’ve read so many articles about how to make lust and temptation stop but it just doesn’t go away and I feel so weak and worthless. I never struggled before, and I was never even sexually curious. I’m 20 now and in a long distance relationship. I know without a doubt he is the man I want to marry and we have struggled in the past with making out but neither of us have gone past that. The sexual desire for each other is real but he is a bit older and wants to wait a while before getting married. I’ve given into temptation a too many times and now I feel like it’s controlling me. I don’t want moments of weakness to impact my relationship with my future husband (as I’ve read that masterbating will do). I’ve prayed for God to just take it away until marriage and I read scripture every day. Every time I feel like I make progress it hits me out of nowhere. And then I feel guilty and like a failure… I’m currently trying the rubberband technique where I snap myself hard any time I think about it or get turned on… but I just feel hopeless… I can’t demand that we get married now, that’s not practical… and waiting is wearing down my boundaries. How do I heal this???
I’m a christian and I’m married for 16 years.. unfortunately, my wife has sexual desire that is next to nothing.. it’s one thing to be single and battling your sexual desires with the hopes that it’ll all end once you’re married (if you get married)
.. but it’s another thing to be married and live like you’re single for the rest of your life.. or hopefully, unless that all changes.. and don’t give me any nonsense about getting marriage counselling.. it only works for a short amount of time and then it’s all right back where it started..
Don’t condem yourself if you give in. Try not to do anything you will regret but don’t go crazy either. Give yourself grace. The conditions are unusual if your single extended adult years. Ancient times people got married before they where 20. God loves you a lot. Life isn’t perfect, neither is being married if you find yourself with someone who is OK with celibacy which has its own troubles.
I don’t feel like our sexuality is a bad thing. Somehow when I give in to too much temptation, I lose sight of the grand scheme of things and then I can’t here what God is saying. My head gets cloudy. Luckily, I manage to re-align myself with a little help from my friends. 🤟🏽 Peace To all my brothers and sisters and God bless us all
These are all good pieces of advice. But what can a woman with strong sexual urges do if she is married, but her husband doesn’t like to have sex that often? I have been seeking an answer to no avail. We’ve had marriage counseling and it hasn’t helped this area. He blames it on the borderline sexual abuse encounters he faced as a child, which I understand, but he is unwilling to work on this because he doesn’t see it as a real problem. He would rather I learn to be okay with not having any intimate relations with my husband.
Oof, that’s definitely a rough position.
If I’m reading this correctly, you’re facing two struggles: first, your husband’s history as an abuse victim is making you struggle with intimacy; and second (and this is speculation on my part), because you aren’t getting as much sex as you’d like, you’re tempted into porn.
For your husband, your marriage counselor may be able to speak into that more. It definitely sounds like he would benefit from personal therapy to address the abuse in his past. Perhaps the things to tell him (assuming you haven’t already done so) is how his sexual rejection makes you feel, and ask him, if he acknowledges those childhood wounds have long-lasting effects, why he doesn’t want to be healed.
For you, why should you avoid porn? Because porn will still damage your brain; it rewires how you get your sexual satisfaction. If your husband *does* do the healing work and seeks out more intimacy with you, if you’re rewired by porn you may not be satisfied by him. In other words, it may be equally damaging to your marriage in the long run. Based on research with female porn users, I’d also hazard a guess that you’re dealing with some shame from your husband’s constant rejection sexually; female porn users also tend to experience a lot of shame from dealing with a “man’s problem.” In other words, it’s like scratching a mosquito bite with sandpaper; it may solve the itch short-term, but make your own struggles worse. You can learn more about why and how to heal from porn as a female user in the free ebook New Fruit.
Whether or not you actually use pornography, let me remind you: you are so much more than your sexuality. You are a beautiful woman, made in the image of God for so many amazing things, and even now, your Heavenly Father is saying to you, “Arise, my love, and come away with me” (Song of Solomon 2:10).
God bless you so much. I was already confused, thinking there is no way of escape. Your points hit exactly what my heart yells for. I am 43, unmarried, you can understand! Thank God for this article!