Covenant Eyes exists to help people overcome porn. However, the battle against porn doesn’t start on your computer or smartphone. It begins in the desires of our hearts and the thoughts of our minds. In this article, Kristen outlines how single Christians can take their fight against porn to the next level by attacking lustful thoughts and desires.
With tears streaming down my face, I sat alone in my room. As a 22-year-old Christian single woman, I was battling against my flesh and the sexual temptations in my mind…again. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to fight against the lust in my life. I wanted to honor God. But it felt too hard. It felt almost impossible.
I’ve been married now for six years, but I was single for 24 years prior to that. I remember all too well the unfulfilled sexual desires that I had during that season of life. Moments of tears and struggle like the one above were normal for me. There were many times when I viewed my sex drive as a curse. I wished my desires would just go away altogether and then reappear when I got married.
I struggled with strong urges for sexual fulfillment.
As much as I wanted to throw in the towel and ditch God’s plan for sex, I decided to search God’s Word for hope and answers. Over time, God’s Word helped me understand that my sexual desires weren’t a curse, but a blessing. His word also reminded me that He would give me the grace to handle my desires until marriage happened—if it happened (2 Corinthians 12:9).
If you’re single right now, your sex drive might feel like a curse to you as well. I want to share with you some of the things that helped me handle my sexual desires as a single woman, and I hope they’re encouraging to you as well.
Related: More Than Single–Finding Purpose Beyond Porn
1. Understand God’s Design for Sex
God created sex and it’s a beautiful thing within the covenant of marriage. God also created us to be sexual beings with desires and longings for sexual intimacy. We are sexual beings from the moment we’re born. We don’t become sexual beings once we get married. However, God’s design for sex is good and beautiful only when enjoyed in the right context.
Is thinking about sex a sin?
Healthy sexual desires are not wrong or sinful. They’re actually 100% normal. It’s normal for you, as a single person, to look forward to and be excited about enjoying God’s gifts of sexual intimacy within marriage. However, these good desires can quickly become sinful if we turn them into lust, or use them with the wrong person at the wrong time.
God created sex to be a binding force between a husband and wife to unite them as one in marriage (Mark 10:8).
This covenantal seal also comes with intentional blessings such as physical pleasure and the opportunity to bring new life into the world.
What does the Bible say about urges?
As Christians, we must have a strong understanding of God’s holy design for sex if we’re going to handle our own sexual desires in the right way. I encourage you to read another post I wrote called “Why I Chose to Save Sex for Marriage” to help you build a strong biblical foundation.
2. Prepare for Battle
As a single person, your sexual desires may be a normal part of God’s design, but they can also be the largest area for temptation. The battle for purity is real, and it’s an intense one. We live in a culture that has totally perverted God’s design for sex and pressures us to “join in on the fun.”
Yes, the world tries to lure us into its perversion, but the battle for purity begins within the walls of our hearts. James 1:14 says, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.”
Our heart is sinful and is constantly trying to carry us away and entice us towards lust.
We need to recognize our own bent toward sexual sin and prepare ourselves for this battle. We won’t win unless we’re proactively striving after holiness, purity, and a passion for God’s glory.
Related: The Best Way to Block Porn (It Isn’t What You Think)
The best place to start is by spending time worshipping the true and living God every day. Get in His word and allow His truth to transform your thinking. Pray every morning (and throughout the day) asking God to help you love His holiness more than you love yourself. Don’t let the battle of sexual temptation take you by surprise.
3. Make the Choice to Fight or Flee
As you live your daily life in the sinful world, you will undoubtedly come face-to-face with sexual temptation. For example, you might be innocently shopping for something online when a sensual ad pops up. You didn’t seek it out. You weren’t even looking for it. But there it is.
Or you may simply be trying to fall asleep one night when your mind is suddenly bombarded with sexual thoughts. You’re instantly tempted to dwell on these thoughts in your mind.
What does the Bible say about sexual urges?
Sexual temptation comes in all shapes and sizes and often doesn’t give us a lot of warning.
When sexual temptations hit you have two options. You can either (A) Fight it, or (B) Flee from it.
A: Fight it. Fighting needs to happen when you can’t physically get away from it.
You can’t physically escape a sexual thought in your head, so you need to choose to fight against it. You can’t escape driving through a city with sexualized billboards, but you can choose to fight it by not looking at them.
God will help you fight your temptations–you are not alone.
1 Corinthians 10:13 offers us that powerful promise: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
B. Flee from it. The next best way to fight it is to simply flee.
This is a great option! This looks like you physically removing yourself from the temptation. If a movie turns south, turn it off. Don’t keep watching it. If your friends start talking about inappropriate things, leave the conversation. If that phone app is tempting you towards lust, get rid of it.
Don’t wait around hoping to be “strong enough.” Get away from the temptation. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
4. Make Victory Easier
Fighting the battle of lust in our hearts is already difficult without added temptation. I can’t encourage you enough to set yourself up for success by removing as much sexual temptation from your life as possible. This means pitching sexualized computer games, saying no to raunchy magazines like Cosmo, deleting impure or sensual phone apps, saying no to impure movies, turning off that sensual song, etc. You get the idea.
If you desire purity and holiness, you must battle for it. It doesn’t come naturally. Get rid of extra temptation and make victory easier to accomplish. Installing Screen Accountability through Covenant Eyes is always a great idea.
I pray those four points are helpful to you as you strive to handle your sexual desires in a God-honoring way.
I know it’s hard. I know it’s a battle. But with God’s help, and strategic planning on your part, you can steer your sexual desires in a God-honoring direction.
Editor’s note: We’ve received quite a few follow-up questions to this post. Here are a few more thoughts shared by someone who was single into his mid-30s.
How to Control Sexual Desires Before Marriage
Many Christian singles wish they could turn off sexual desire like a switch until it’s time for marriage. We can’t control our desires like that. However, the Bible teaches that truly liberating self-control comes through the power of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:23). It’s also a discipline (2 Peter 1:6). As you practice what Kristen recommends, both fighting and fleeing, you will learn that sexual desires do not have to be overpowering. You can desire sex without being controlled by that desire.
How to Release Sexual Tension When You Are Single
A second question I often hear is, “What about sexual tension? Where can I find relief when I’m already aroused?” If you’re following God’s plan, then you will likely experience unresolved sexual tension at times. I certainly did.
However, turning to porn is not the answer! Instead, as you learn to discipline your mind to avoid dwelling on sexual thoughts and sexually tempting content, the tension will decrease. By the time I reached my 30s, I learned to discipline my eyes and to speak to an ally if I was struggling with lust. Consequently, I did not experience nearly as much sexual tension as I did in my 20s.
None of this is really helpful advice.
Here’s the reality:
Every person (self-identified asexuals notwithstanding) is a sexual being with sexual drives.
The bible was written in a cultural context where it was relatively easy to get married.
In our cultural context it isn’t easy to get married. Marriage just isn’t open to everyone, whether because they haven’t found a spouse yet or because of a myriad of other reasons.
The Church needs to find a way to resolve this problem. Either make it easier to get married and fix our broken dating market, or carve out a space in our theology where sexual activity can be permitted for the unmarried. It doesn’t need to be anything goes. In fact there should be strict guidelines around it. But the Church must stop insisting on marriage as the only moral way to engage in sexual activity.
I’m almost inclined to agree with Augustine and Aquinas, who argued that prostitution should be legal and regulated on the principle that if there is no sewer then the filth will spill out into the streets. It seems that this is exactly what has happened.
Well you are right in saying the church should fix our broken dating market. Churches have little to nothing for singles to just meet and chat. Everything turns into a service. Once you hit 30 if you are female you are generally unwanted. This is due to poor discipleship and pushing men to think a woman’s only purpose is to make babies.
The Bible says zero about Master Masterbation
. ..zero…..
While I do think porn is wrong because it sexualizes a person who is not one’s spouse and involves ex trafficking and exploitation, it is possible for a person to master masterbate without porn at all.
If it’s like giving yourself a backstretch I don’t see what the problem is. No one would say a backstretch is wrong. Somehow we’ve turned basic stimulation into something evil. I can see if a person has an addiction and is uncontrolled about it. But past that????? I’m hard pressed to say it’s so horrible, particularly since most of us Christians are well over 30 and single eith zero prospects.
I have yet to read anyone who looks at it from this perspective. Everyone immediately says oh no it’s so evil. We know kids do it all the time usually around 3 to 5 without prompting. That is just biological.
Why is it bad to know how your own body reacts or functions?
The purpose of sex isn’t just having babies. I think someone gave this as a reason. Um…where did you get that ? There is also no scripture to back that up.
Just a couple of thoughts. I think addiction is an issue.
But let’s point out that in the entirety of the biblical levitical law which discusses many different types of sexual practices, master masterbation is not listed as one at all. It very easily could have been, you can’t tell me people back then never did it.
To me its truely gray space. If you aren’t addicted or looking at porn to get aroused in order to do it, then who cares???.
Hi guys some cravings are demonic especialy when you practise mastubartion .masturbation calls more demons of sexual desire easily and the only way to break this cycle as a christian is to be delivered by pastors who are well experienced in deliverance
I did not put my email down. My email is maricela.c.velazquez@gmail.com
This is not my personal email so don’t feel weird.
I am 22 and female and I want to talk about our temptation for sex! I would love to share how we feel, i think it is a blessing to see how many people are struggling to find the way and are not blind to their sin. I would love to share about what helps us and what doesnt with anyone!
Hi, I am in my 30’s. Been a Christian since teenage years. Still holding on for my purity as of now. Anyone here who can give me their experience on having sex before marriage? Worst case scenario is that I’ll find an escort just to satisfy this desire. Please help.
I have a gf and curious if she is struggling as well. We are very silent on this matter. Need friends to discuss this matters.
Hi James, I accept your invitation! I was not able to respond to your email, it said your email address did not exist. But I guess we can talk here or try another email?
My emails keep getting rejected :/
Hopeless, that’s how I feel. I have struggled with addiction to porn/masturbation since I was very young. I didn’t experiment with sex with others until I was an adult. I’ve never been married, but I have been wild. I was raised in the church but didn’t *know* salvation until very recently. I’m almost 40. I’m in a relationship, but we live separately and have been celibate. But I am plagued, this drive is NOT a gift when you’re unmarried. It isn’t enough or a healthy motivator to seek marriage. I doubt sincerely that marriage is going to happen with my current boyfriend. I understand that God calls some of us to be single for life, but considering ALL were built to be “pack oriented” the church utterly fails to assist those meant to be single. It also offers very little to Christian singles who would like to mingle. The world has made dating and finding marriage almost impossible, particularly for single moms who are born again. Even “Christian men” do not by and large observe biblical teachings in this. No where does the Bible address how to manage the chemical reaction in our brains that contribute to this, and neither does the church. Sex drive isn’t exactly the same as being tempted to gossip about someone, it’s not as easy to avoid like triggers of traditional addiction. You CAN’T “change your play ground, play mates and play things” like is taught in recovery programs. Your playground is built in, you can’t escape it anymore than your thoughts. In some cases you can’t do anything about playmates….and like the playground, your playthings are also…built in. This isn’t just hard, it’s crippleing….it causes physical pain, emotional pain, spiritual unrest, it becomes consuming and distracting. Praying helps… sometimes….a little. But barely. Believe me when I tell you I’ve tried everything, including a constant minute to minute crying out to God and pouring out of the soul. I’ve tried seeking out counseling from church elders, I’ve worked the template of confession and seeking healing. I’ve gone through the process of cutting soul ties, I’ve given over to God all that I could (my sins, my heart, my thoughts, my nature, my burdens, all that I am), and find I have to repeat the process over again daily, sometimes like starting over from square 1. I even sought a hysterectomy hoping that would nullify the biological ticking of the clock, was refused and settled on hormone therapy (FYI not helping anything besides weight loss and hair growth) I would use convenant eyes but don’t have anyone to use with it. I live in a house full of pseudo/baby Christians, in a rural area where the churches are dying, litterally, the only ones that have substantial congregation teach heresy. There are no support groups, there is very little to do by way of social activity with the churches or without. There is no real answers for how to recover once you’ve soiled “the vessel” how to unlearn what you know you’re missing, how to reconcile what you’ve been, or been through. There isn’t really “a way out” once you’ve already gone down the road of carnal desires. Not without God actually wiping your mind clean of memories and experience and that almost never happens. What I know is that this sex drive is causing a schism in me, it’s destroying me in very real ways no matter how much I avoid sexual content or activities. It’s destroying my relationship, and my ability to think clearly or regulate my emotions. I may not have to worry about being burned at the stake or branded with a scarlet letter, but I still have to worry about being institutionalized, and treated like a pariah. God meets many needs, but he doesn’t fullfill our need for physical human contact. Look to Genesis 2:18 to verify this. What no one from the church ever takes into consideration is how simple affection can assuage the need. All the same chemicals we get from sex we get from hugs, kisses and being physically close with people who we have meaningful relationships with. Kisses don’t need to be passionate to trigger the release of vasopressin. Intimacy doesn’t need to be carnal to be therapeutic, hugs, extended eye contact, and neck rubs can trigger oxytocin, so can cuddles and for men, eating triggers it. For people who are sensory seeking the absolute worst thing to have to endure is deprivation and in a hyper sexualized world where the popular church teaching is puritanical that’s the only answer you ever get. Maybe if we put less emphasis on the inherrant temptation of physical contact with the opposite sex (or person of desire) and more emphasis on the purity of physical contact with people we love and how innocent that contact can be, a lot less people would struggle so much and feel less damaged. I am suffering, I can’t help but wonder how much endurance God thinks I need if I’m supposed to be rejoicing that suffering produces it. It’s hard to rejoice when you feel choked, smothered and in pain. It’s hard to trust when you feel abandoned and if you’re being plagued from something that comes from within that separates you from God’s glory how can you not feel abandoned? Having a strong sex drive would be a gift in a relationship where it’s evenly matched, and appreciated. But I’m afraid that’s not likely to happen for most born again Christians seeking to walk the walk. When you have a strong sex drive and can’t apply it in the biblical sense it is absolutely unequivocally a curse. Until you’ve lived it you cannot understand it, nor is anyone else in the church likely to understand or sympathize. Those who might are too busy hiding their history to glorify God for his good work in them by mentoring others facing the same battles. I have to say it feels like a losing battle and unfortunately at least so far hadn’t been one God fights in my stead. As a matter of fact, the worse the attack the less he’s there in this case. When the temptation is such that no matter what you do you cannot escape not even into the Oblivion of sleep where is “the out” that was promised in 1 Cor 10:13? I can’t just wake up and read my Bible every 15 minutes I need sleep! I’m sorry but this advice is still vague and empty of any real solutions. This is not ok, I am not ok, and don’t know if I ever will be.
Hey there. A whole lot of our thinking around sexuality isn’t of God: it’s of purity culture. I don’t think God is the one asking you to suffer; it’s purity culture. Here are some titles that will challenge purity culture, maybe make you uncomfortable, but from what I’m hearing you say, purity culture is massively failing you like it has everyone else. Here are some new thoughts.
Pure, by Linda Kay Klein.
Shameless, Nadia Bolz Webber
Good Christian Sex, Bromleigh McCleneghan
Peace to you,
Kay
Hi Patsy, I have recently entered this journey of celibacy it was hard because it ended in a breakup with my boyfriend who I like very much. I am 22 so about half your age I too have been wild and I would love to talk to you in depth. Every one in this reply chat is suffering from sex and it is some what relieving and I think we need to talk about it with each other! Talk about our struggles and feelings of hopelessness and doubt! It’s a beautiful thing to share with people that feel are lacking all the answers! Please feel free to email me, anyone! To converse and gain perspective about our Lord! Having friends is a great way to realize that there is a connection and bond that is indeed stronger than sex and so much more pure.
Sounds like Dopamine got a choke hold on you too Huh?Look up how to free yourself from Dopamine.
The people in the church are not always consoling to others because they cannot or not willing to put themselves in others shoes!They talk scriptures but are not practical and don’t want to sit with you to see HOW and WHAT pains you!Some even give me an attitude like they can serve the Lord without “it” so i should be able to based on the scriptures!But they are not me, you see?
Advice:Don’t ask a person whose married and has had their children or someone who is old in the assembly for advice on “self-control”…they don’t feel anything “down there”.Self control is a fruit of the holy spirit.That’s what you need.
See:https://www.compellingtruth.org/self-control-fruit-Spirit.html
Ultimately,it is to God that we must ask for this particular gift to be displayed in us.It is God that walks with us,even if we don’t always feel his presence with us,he is working.He is refining us
“through the fire” and we will become as pure gold!
You”ll overcome “not by strength nor by might but by my spirit says the Lord”.”What is impossible for man is possible for God”.”God takes us from glory to glory”…It’s a process,be patient with yourself and in your trials if you can’t “rejoice” in them.Rejoicing in trials not that you have them but for all the fruits it will produce in the future to make you holy.
Perhaps this article can help explain:https://mikeratliff.wordpress.com/2020/06/08/joy-in-trials/
God promised that he would never leave you nor forsake you even if your mum forgets you he won’t forget you.Your body is his temple.he is always by your side and understands your sorrows cause he was tempted in “every way”,yet did not sin.We have a high priest that understands or plight!
Where is the fellowship in your church?Move if you cannot find mature Christians around.Pray to find the right church.Not worth losing ones soul by staying with sinners-get out of there!The scriptures specifically state that we are to bear each others crosses!!!Where are your christian “homies”?Who has your back and pray for you and listening to you?Who gonna chaperone you when the guy you are talking too comes to town?(If that happens,keep your personal garden secret like projects for the future,until you guy’s are fiances.And do not be alone with him,not even for bible study!-do so in groups.).Also,YouTube has christian answers about relationships and keeping your heart (garden) veiled until marriage.
I agree with you on the contact part-Have to put it in it’s rightful place!Physical touch is also good for the immune system and DNA.
Do not stop persevering and ask and knock and he will answer.Be like the persistent widow in Luke 18 verse 1 to 8!
Don’t stay alone with your cross and help others “iron sharpens iron”.Focus on God’s will and apply it and he will aid you in return.Sometimes it does help not to focus on our problems but try help and pray for others.No Christians an island!;-)
Where is the out?Deuteronomy 31:6 that “The Eternal Your God will himself walk with you!”It is true and so is God-tried,tested and true!
Do the elders do healing prayers on people as required in the scriptures to the apostles?If not-find a church who carries the will of God to heal it’s people!It can also be that you need to see a doctor in psychology/gynecology/sexology…They can see if your neurotransmitters are whack or if you have an ovarian cyst that can up the libido or PGAS or PGAD.
See:https://www.healthline.com/health/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder
Don’t lose hope!I can tell you i have been through some sexual upheavals and evils and i have been much worse.It does get better when you “trust and lean on God and not on your understanding”.
Remember,Jesus job was to heal the sick and free the captives.The Christians job is that now!To continue Jesus job-especially the pastors and elders!…”you will know them by their fruits”!
Hi Patsy
You have given the most honest response. You have articulated something I have been so afraid to articulate… genuine feelings of hopelessness. None of the suggestions in the article are helpful because I’ve heard them before, I’ve tried them, but I still find myself at the same place over and over again.
I want God to change me, it’s my heart’s desire but it seems my sexual desires over power that. I’m exhausted, I’m discouraged and like you, I’m not okay. It breaks my heart that you’re battling through this because I know the pain and frustration.
Thank you for being real. I know this isn’t really encouraging (because it never feels like it for me and if I’m honest I sometimes feel like it doesn’t help), but I’m praying for your pain and hopelessness with the same breath that I pray for my own, because a small part of me does not want to believe that God has abandoned us in this.
The books recommended below are based on worldviews that are not centered on the Bible. It is very easy to debunk them if you take the Bible as truth.
The good things I picked up from some of these comments is that I’m not alone and that we feel conviction of ungodly sexual acts. The Holy Spirit is our Helper and convicts us of sin. I face struggles as well and I would think at the age of 35 things would get better. Being a woman of this age makes any chance of finding a husband much harder. Never did get married. So it’s tough but as someone here said we don’t get married just to have sex it’s selfish. And I’d like to add marriage has it’s own dynamics. So don’t expect things to stay the same. Anyway, what helps me is that I keep a journal about my life as a Christian of my successes, failures and attitude towards situations, people or whatever, and then reflect back on it to examine my progress on spiritual maturity. If I backslide I would sit with my bible and look for scriptures to help me. Now we can read the words but the question is do we actually apply it? In the heat of temptation what do you do? Run to pornography? Stimulate yourself for relief yet feel guilty afterwards? Also, pay attention to your thoughts in that very moment. Does Jesus even come into your mind and what He teaches us? Is what we’re thinking in alignment to His word? Remember, the war we fight is a spiritual one. The enemy operates in the physical senses but God operates in the Spirit. The enemy will attack your mind and that’s where the battle happens. ONLY YOU CAN MAKE A CHOICE TO TURN TO JESUS IN THAT VERY HOUR OF NEED OR TURN TO SATAN. Focus on your mind rather than what your flesh is feeling at the moment. Where is your armor in this battle? Particularly the helmet of salvation to protect your mind? Feelings come and go especially sexual feelings. The spirit is different- it’s eternal. If you want to be delivered then take this seriously and always be ready for war. IT TAKES EFFORT. Denying yourself means denying laziness. If you want to be made well then take up your bed and walk. Know this if you choose Christ and follow Him, Satan will be at your heels to try and make you fall until the day you leave this earth. So you got to keep fighting and pray for strength to endure. He who endures to the end shall be saved. Noone said the Christian life would be easy even Jesus said that there’ll be tribulations. Anyway, here are some scriptures that is helpful to me and can help you as well:
* Psalm 73:28 James 4:8 , 2 Corinthians 7:1
*Psalm 19:12-13
*Hebrews 4: 13,15 &16
*Hebrews 10:26-27 &29
*1 John 1:9
*Proverbs 4:23
*Ephesians 6: 11-12
*Psalm 32:1-5
*Luke 11: 24-26
In that moment of temptation turn away from it immediately and meditate on these scriptures. Also pray that the Holy Spirit bring forth scriptures to remembrance to help you in this fight.
On a final note, don’t allow an open door to the enemy because Jesus has cleansed you. If you do then you allow more demonic spirits to enter and you will be far worse than before. A repetition of sin causes your heart to harden and becomes difficult to overcome.
I thank the author for this platform where we can help one another in this struggle. I pray for each one here and those who may still come seeking help with this problem. In Jesus we are not defeated but overcomers. Persevere! God bless.
Here is a 44yo woman speaking after reading this piece and most of the comments. I have my struggles with strong sexual desires and can relate to what many of you have been through.
There is something that Jesus said that came to mind as I ponder on this issue of a single person having this problem.
Luke 9:23 King James Version (KJV)
And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Is this not what a person wanting to follow Christ has to do – to first deny self, then take up his cross daily?
And so, I am comforted and encouraged, knowing that my heavenly Father knows my struggle, and is in control of all things (He is sovereign) and as His child, I just need to focus on striving towards living a holy life that will please Him, in spite of such struggles that seem to drown me at times!
Fellow comrade, let us press on in this good fight of faith, regardless of whether we get married or remain single!
Can you please explain why you think a strong sex drive as a single is a blessing?
Just a thought, why don’t we as Christians look at abstinence and celibacy as a virtue? I mean, it seems to me, married Christians either look down on single Christians and judge “there must be something wrong with him” that he can’t find a wife, or they pity us. My question is why don’t we treat singleness with honor? In the catholic church they REVERE their celibate priests. And even in the very earliest church virgins we seen as being extra pious to the point of pride/bragging about it. The early centuries had a proliferation of monasteries where single men and woman would *choose* to live the rest of their lives. What happened to that spirit amoung us Christian’s? How has something that was once viewed as a great and noble thing now turned into shame and pity?
Celibacy isn’t necessary. When God originally created every type of thing and being he did, the only thing he said wasn’t good was being alone. This doesn’t mean just being without other humans, because after Adam and Eves first meeting it states that for this reason shall people be married and the two become one flesh, referring to us being made male and female. The reason was not to reproduce more friends of the same race, animals reproduce without marriage. What makes marriage unique is the intimacy, it’s purpose is itself. Creation was not very good until marriage was made, because there was nothing more needed to improve anything. When Paul wrote about the benefit of celibacy, he specifically wrote that it was because of the distress happening at the time, and having that relationship provides something more significant to lose, so as he wrote, he was trying to spare people more despair.
I’m a 25 year old woman and a virgin. I’ve always been a sexual girl since I was a child. Yes, a child. Wanna know why ? I was sexually abused by an old creep when I was 7 years old. I had no idea of what was going on but I liked the feeling. I never thought I was being abused or anything like that, I had no idea of what was sex or that I could feel pleasure by stimulating my parts. When I got older, I understood what happened but it was too late. I used to be very “touchy” with my friends and I used to masturbate daily, more than once. Surprisingly I have never had sex. Never got intimate with a boy. I don’t know if God was protecting me or what, I wasn’t a Christian but I have always tried to be a good girl for my parents and God. Things got a little worse. The “normal” porn didn’t satisfy me anymore, I started to watch gay porn and feel extremely aroused, even more than the “regular” one. No, I have not attraction for people of the same sex, like romantically, but sexually, yes. I would pretty much have sex with a girl. It’s disgusting how weak a person can get. I started to fantasize more. Rape, gangbang, incest, etc, I would feel extremely horny just by thinking about it. I wanted to do the dirtiest things ever, with whoever I could think about. I started to not see people anymore, only sexual beings. This is extremely dangerous!! You start to think that all these perverted acts are normal, it makes you sin against God. I used to meet someone and think about how the sex would be. After some things happened (my mom dying, me being depressed and suicidal) I started to realize life wasn’t just that. Life wasn’t sex. I used to masturbate every time to forget about my problems, it’s an addiction just like drugs. The problem is that is temporary. I would feel good after doing it but after a few hours I felt miserable again and the cycle would continue. Fast forward, I became a Christian and got baptized. You know the first love thing ? For the first time in my life I haven’t felt the urge to masturbate everyday. Months passed by and I kept faithful to God, I just couldn’t believe that, I thought I was free. However, I started feel that urge again because my relationship with God got weaker and my desires were coming back. I’m still weak with God and this is why I’m reading this today. I don’t wanna go back to my old way of living, I was a prisoner of my twisted perverted mind. I realized that when our minds are not filled with God and His promises, it becomes easier to listen to our own desires. It’s a daily battle. I have failed but unlike the other times, I feel extremely guilty after it so I really think I’m saved by God. No, I’m not afraid of going to hell I just feel disappointed because I don’t want to upset God. What I want to tell you is that you are who you are for a reason. You need to know yourself, know what drives your sex drive to the point of sinning against God. I’ve seen a comment say that sex is a necessity like eating or breathing. No, it’s NOT the same thing. You won’t die if you don’t have sex unlike the other two. Sex it’s NOT a necessity but a gift from God and it’s meant to be shared with the person you love, if it was a necessity we would actually die if we didn’t do it and we know this isn’t possible. I’ll keep fighting and I won’t let my mind win. I might lose a few battles but I have the Creator of everything by my side. I hope my testimony helps someone.
God bless you Jessica, God bless you. My story is very much like yours, I’m happy, glad, encouraged and blessed to know that I have fellow Christians who love God and don’t want to hurt Him in anyway. I used to masturbate, fornicate and visualize all evils but now I’ve truly found God; He actually found me first. It took a long time to find Him back. I’m 21 now but I’ve had MORE THAN 20 partners, 2 abortions, threesome, sex with cousins and other sins I’ve committed but I want to say that God forgives, He cleanses, He heals, He loves more than we know it. I still struggle with small sexual urges but it’s nothing compared to who I was at age 13-18. I praise God that I’m alive, Knowing Him the more and consciously pleasing Him.
I hope someone is blessed, encouraged and turned to God permanently by these words.
Something I have come to understand here is that there’s no “Cure” to sexual urges because it’s not a disease, it’s an OPPORTUNITY to show God that you’ve conquered the devil today, you have DECIDED to please Him even though it’s not convenient for you at that time. It’s a PROCESS, a JOURNEY, not a destination; getting brighter and brighter till the time my Jesus will come to take us home. God bless you as you read, please know that you’re not alone, 90% of the times I’m awake in a day, sex flashes my mind but I choose to send it off IMMEDIATELY.
1. Never habour/ incubate the feelings; you’ll fall.
2. Channel your energy and thoughts to God always by Godly praise and worship (via phones, singing,etc)
3. Allow the Holy Spirit into your mind, heart and thoughts
God bless you, Jesus Christ loves you and He died that you may make Heaven, please don’t waste His sacrifice and Blood
Hi I was so blessed by your testimony and there are many traits I can see and understand.Sometimes sexual abuse can open doors to sexual awareness for some where sexual desires,cravings ect begin to dominate a persons life.(This has happened to individuals I know )..
However it’s not in all cases of course..but in some cases it can..many cases we know it just creates terrible traumas and pain.
I have battled with sexual desires for many years and I have had bad relationships in the past and even met women who sought to trap me via sex..God has been my constant delivera and he knows how pleasurable sexual desires are and how they can torment us terribly at times.
I really empathise with your testimony and it’s a daily constant struggle to win..there are times we may slip up.. but keeping going..God will never leave our side.
Theres something that’s drawn me to your testimony..
May God grant us our hearts desires to meet someone via him that will lead to marriage
Opps I forgot..my previous comments are for Jessica.
I didnt put your name there!😊
Ok, so while lack of sex doesn’t actually litterally kill a person, not addressing the chemical imbalance and resulting reactions when sexual activities are engaged in absolutely will. One of the primary reasons that people are driven to sex is due to neuro chemistry. Depression and anxiety are both alleviated by it, just as they are by any substance. Depression and anxiety are both symptoms of living in a fallen world. They aren’t lack of faith, and medicine isn’t always very effective. Know what else is a symptom of living in a fallen world, rape culture, puritanical views, and lust, for sex, for money, for comfort, for basic needs even, but all addiction comes back to the chemicals in our brains. Mind over matter? How does guarding your mind work when it is full of toxins and lacking micro nutrients? I get the taking up the cross and denying the self…..but I also know that God doesn’t punish people for being sick, and that the sick ones, all of us, are WHY we needed a cross, why he came here. I also know Jesus was never married, never raped, never had sex, so God knows many temptations first hand, but this…. wasn’t one of them. Still he had more compassion and mercy for sex workers (and adulterous women) than his followers at the time, or the church of today. Women in particular are vulnerable both because of the curse from The Fall, AND because while equality has come a long way, we are still physically the weaker sex AND as it is still in every sense “a man’s world” at the mercy of the institutions and popular thought in place. Most women wind up having extramarital sex seeking approval from men. Gen 3:16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” -We have no choice in it, and while life in a nunnery would certainly make things easier, it’s also less available these days especially if you’re not Catholic. I’m just saying, God’s answer was always don’t have sex until marriage in the first place but never what to do if you screwed up or worse it was forced on you. The secular world doesn’t have answers either. From what I can tell most of us are trying to figure it out by ourselves as we go, and mostly failing. I wish I were able to bear a physical litteral cross instead of this. You know what you’re doing, what the next step is, what to expect and what the result will look like. You have hope that bearing that cross will end, that would be easy by comparison. This, is a quagmire of doubt, insecurity, confusion, pain, both physical, mental and emotional and constant condemnation. The Holy Spirit isn’t the only spirit that offers a sense of conviction, or condemnation as it were. How many times has a person felt convicted over something they had no control over, or a decision that was impossible? How is not being able to control your sex drive any different? The only control we really have is to not follow through with impulses and that often (almost always) leaves us a miserable wreck. The Holy Spirit gives us some self control yes, when you’re conscious and opparating at full cognitive capacity. When the part of you that it opparates through is actually broken (your mind) being judged and condemned by the world, by the church, by others is not conducive to healing. Really what it all comes down to is we all need healing from even the wounds we inflicted on ourselves. The healing process is gruelling, most never make it to the end because they aren’t told ahead of time, they aren’t coached or mentored and wouldn’t even know where to look for help. We need an e.r. for the spirit with people trained in emergency response and triage of the soul. We need people with better understanding of spiritual warfare and how to handle it. I feel like I’m in bondage to my own biology, and death is the only cure. So tell me again how lack of sex doesn’t kill, it’s certainly lead me down that road enough times. I’m bitter atm. It’s really hard to receive a message or testimony or behave lovingly when your wounds are festering bitterness. Im aware that bitterness leaves little room for God to work. It takes up incredible space and energy. But I’m powerless against it right now. I’m sorry if I offended, but I have no one else to talk to and no where to vent. In fact praying about it just makes me feel more guilty and weak and unworthy. Heck of a catch 22 isn’t it?
Some demons can only be beat through prayer and fasting.Sexual or any other sin open you to other sins more serious then what you are used to.It’s especially true of sexual sins.I have experienced it myself!
You open an evil portal and lead through a real rabbit hole!
I was with a man for 21 years and 9 months and prayed for his healing and to be able to be married to him and i’d rather lose everything than lose him but he did not grant my prayer request-he died!!!!
Afterwards,God said to me that i prayed wrong,that it was better to pray “I’d rather lose everything even him than put my relationship with You Lord God in jeopardy or danger”.I felt the hand of God like king David did when he sinned,after my guy died.It was 27 degrees Celsius in the whole house and i felt freezing though i had many downy and blankets and all my windows were closed!I felt his hand weight heavy on me physically.I cried out to the Father and he answered me and took away the heaviness and put peacefulness instead.
God is good but is just and will “woop your behind” if you err.He don’t mess around with us when we do not go the right way!Also,sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God so if you fall,repent and ask for help from the almighty and do not give up till you are “home”.Fight the good fight of faith till the end.The kingdom of God is to be taken by violence…against all things earthly/fleshy/”cut it off rather than be sent to hell with the whole body” type of attitude to adopt.We are in a war spiritually.And the evil one wars against us on our mind first cause “where the mind goes,man follows”!
I am encouraged that i ain’t alone in the struggle!Especially when it seems everyone’s getting married and the devil whispers “you can have any man you want but can never marry!” as they rest of the assembly celebrates yet another birth among many-yay!They have kids and i don’t and it seems soooo easy for them!
May our gracious and powerful God rebuke the accuser of the faithful and keep us “from entering temptation”!That,in the “our Father” is mentioned to pray for!
Man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that God says.May we live by his spirit and not by the flesh!
Seek the kingdom of God (doing his will for it) and the rest shall be given to you!
May the peace of our lord that passes all understanding be with you my sister in Christ Jesus!
PS.:See my other comment,i struggled too since very young!
I relate so much with you.. Can we talk more? I think two would be better than one😊
May the LORD, Jesus Christ, walk with you always, sister.
Only problem with letting temptation take its route is.. this temptation never ends..sex and sexual pleasure is strongest desire in this world…
If someone doesn’t want to enter any time of sexual relationship then lifestyle change can help to some extent. Moderate exercise, eat freshly cooked food with herbs n spices that are cooling in nature, adequate sleep, stop browsing, listening to and speaking about stuff relative to sexual stuff, find a purpose either at home, office or anywhere else, those who believe in God try meditating on his/her name. It is not easy for anyone but try it, try to go to root of desire and thoughts, what u think whole day? How you perceive different people u meet? Starting changing that if that is based only on sexual stuff, wear clothes that don’t make u look hot, avoid long solo mretings with gender u are attracted to.