Today Brandon and Tonia talked through the three stages of recovery from betrayal trauma. These stages are not always linear, just as the stages of grief are not always linear, but almost every partner experiencing betrayal trauma will undergo them. Impact Phase Meaning Phase Moving On Phase You can read…
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Day 27: Accountability is Not About Shame and Fear
Ask any counselor, psychologist, or therapist, and they will all agree that accountability is essential to lasting freedom from pornography. But what is accountability? And why is it so important to recovery and healing? In the minds of many, accountability should harness the power of fear and shame to motivate change. Put another way, the…
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Day 2: Lead With the Relationship, Not the Tech
In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified two essential qualities for raising healthy children: “parental demandingness” and “parental responsiveness.” Using these two qualities, she and her team developed a grid for understanding parenting styles: Our goal as parents is to be Authoritative—safe and understanding people for our kids to come talk…
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Hey Google, Thanks For Reinstating Covenant Eyes to the Play Store!
From September 21, 2022 to March 1, 2023, Google had suspended the Covenant Eyes Android Sensor app from their Play Store. We are grateful to be reinstated so that we can continue to serve our Android customers through the world’s largest Android app store. We’ve updated this article to remember…
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How To (Biblically) Lament Your Husband’s Pornography Use
After I found out that my husband had been viewing pornography, I was devastated. As I processed my grief, one of my dearest friends posed this question to me: “What did you lose when your husband looked at porn?” This is an important question. Your answers will be unique to…
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Why Men Need Friendship More than Accountability
I have been a therapist for more than five years and specialize in porn and sex addiction. My experience has told me that pornography is a symptom of lost connection. Many guys I see cannot point to a single good example of what it looks like to be a man…
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How Covenant Eyes Helps Protect Your Kids on Mobile
“Excuse me. The pastor mentioned pornography in today’s message. Do you have any resources on that?” From my position behind the info booth at my church, I hid a little bit of a laugh from the middle-aged woman standing in front of me. Offering her the resources the church had on…
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Calling Out Shame’s Lies and Finding Freedom
Shame is a complex issue. It impacts our thinking, our behaviors, and our relationships. It plays a significant role in addiction and compulsive behaviors with pornography, alcohol, drugs, depression, anxiety, ongoing anger, and other unwanted behavior in our lives. Shame lies to us about our identity, who we are as…
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Day 7: Establishing Boundaries
One of the most important practical steps to recover from betrayal trauma is to create boundaries. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend describe a boundary as a personal property line, the line where you end and someone else begins. A boundary defines what is your responsibility (your feelings, attitudes,…
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5 Accountability Questions I Wish My Ally Would Ask Me
I don’t like the word “accountability partner” any more than I like the word “diet,” and I dislike them both for the same reason. They sound like an exception and a punishment rather than a lifestyle and a gift. No one is going to live on a diet or in…
