Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation. However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not directly condone or condemn masturbation—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
Related: Can you masturbate without lusting?
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
See: How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
Related: 19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe it is our chief purpose to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
I’m 17 years old and I have a huge adiction to porn, I think it’s been 3-4 years since I started and habe been the last 2 trying to fight it.
I’m on a Catholic school, I’m catholic myself and don’t know what to do, I have tried almost everything, I have talked with the father a lot of times, go to pray every morning in the week, go to church when I can and I still fall at least once every weak if not more…I can’t live like this anymore, I want to stop betraying God but keep doing it, I block the porn sites out of my phone and still get tempted and unblock everything.
Worst part is I don’t know why I keep doing it, my life is very active, I’m trying to go out with a girl I like, I’m good with my family and friends and still…I masturbate
Please, I need a brutal lifestyle change but don’t know how to do it
Hi, Seba – being open is good. Nice job. Now, I’m going to ask your permission to be direct. It sounds like you can handle it.
It sounds like you want to do the right thing. So, here’s the issue – the choice is yours. No one can stop you from looking at porn. NO ONE! If you’re a Christian teenager, then it’s time to start believing that you’re a child of God and start acting like it. I’m being very direct – I think we tend to take a too gentle approach with guys and watching porn. NO! We were made for more. It’s time to be men. It’s time to love and respect the women around us AND on our screens. Even if they don’t respect themselves, WE have to decide to choose respect for them. This is on us. No more excuses. More than conquerors! Read Romans 8, all of it, to see what you were created to be. A warrior. Fearless. Of God. Untouchable. Unshakable. Settle for nothing less! Is your phone the issue? Then get rid of it. Do you struggle at night? Then no internet after 9pm. Do you masturbate? Then go (with parent permission!!!) get a tattoo of scripture put on your wrist. I guarantee you’ll quit :) How badly do you want this? You have to want it. You have to want freedom INSIDE and do things that prove you want it on the OUTSIDE.
I have faith in you. God is rooting for you! And, I am, too.
Peace, Chris
I’m really addicted to porn. When am walking down the street and i see a woman’s butt and breast, the first thing that comes to my mind is masturbation. I started it when i was 12years. . Please some one should help me, stop this act please.. Am tired of it. . GOD HELP ME.. Have tried to stop it, bt i can’t last 6days. It’s like without it i’ll die. .
Hi, Wilson – I’m so sorry that you are struggling. It’s going to be really difficult before it gets better, but you have to rewire your brain. You’re not going to die. Those voices are liars and don’t care anything about you. What do you believe? Have you ever heard of someone exploding from lack of orgasm? Nope. Me neither. So, now that we’ve set that aside, it’s time to buckle down, decide that it’s time to fight, and get ready for battle.
Do you pray? What about meditation? Controlling your thoughts is critical.
Are you getting enough sleep? Rest is important.
Are you exercising?
Do you have healthy, non-sexual relationships?
Have you REMOVED all artificial, sexual stimulation from your life?
Do you have a sponsor/mentor that won’t judge you, but you speak to openly?
All of these are needed for crushing this monster weight you are feeling. I hope you are able to do these things and don’t give up! It might get harder before it gets easier, so be ready for a fight.
Best, Chris
Pls am fed up
help me
Hello, Rex – I’m sorry you’re struggling. What have you tried? We believe that there are steps that every person can take, and if done consistently and in full disclosure with a TEAM of help, then people often find freedom. Here’s an additional blog post to read: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/04/23/how-to-quit-porn-6-essential-steps/
I am a teenager and I am very loosely and sad. I don’t know why I masturbate.i am confused.Please help me.
Hello, Sam. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling in this way. Admitting the issue is a great first step! Now, what about doing the things suggested in the blog post? Can you run “with” someone else? Because, you won’t beat this on your own. You can do this! God is for you! Read Romans 8 for encouragement – that’s your identity! That’s who you are – more than a conqueror.
Peace, Chris
pls i need your prayers to stop masturbating ?may GOD help me
One of the things that helped me to overcome sexual sin was to realize that sexual sin wasn’t the real issue. The real issue was that I had slipped extremely far from God. When the Holy Spirit began to reveal my heart to me, I was devastated. Instead of seeing myself as a fairly good person with a small “problem,” I began to see my heart as God saw it.
My sexual sin problem stemmed from the fact that my heart was corrupt. Suddenly I began to see all of the other sins that God was also interested in. I loved the world. I was self-absorbed. I was vain, manipulative, self-centered. My spiritual man was completely anemic. When the slightest temptation arose, I quickly gave in to my selfish desires.
But through the process of affliction, I began to see my deep need for God. This revelation drove me to the foot of the Cross where I began to see a precious Savior who died for me, and my heart cried out in yearning for Him. He had mercy on me, and though the process of repentance has been long and painful, God has restored my soul and given me a relationship with Jesus that I never even thought was possible.
Praise God forever.
I was addicted to masturbation but i stopped thanx to God,,,loved this article,,,no one can love u more than God coz were His…He cries for us,,,so with a problrm just talk to him,,,Hes our maker he loves whatever he made,, tell him ur troubles his our daddy
am highly greatful for this life changing write up I pray my faith will keep standing forever
I am a woman and I have been struggling with masturbation for over 4 to 5 years and I hate it. The pornography that I view is disgusting. Ive only told one guy…my boyfriend at the time what I masturbate to, and that is homosexual women and I feel so bad doing it, afterwards I always regret and hate my soul. I always wanted to be this Christian woman but ultimately because I have not conqured this vice I continue to fall short spiritually. Because I continue to fuel this desire for sexual pleasure I have found myself doing things that I know God is not pleases of. I want to stop because I need to stop and I have to stop. I want to stop masturbating because I truly want to restore my relationship with my heavenly Father. Additionally because I want to be happy that I quit such a disgusting habit. I want my God to love me again. Being in his love is far more important than pleasing my momentary sexual desires.
I ask for encouragement and love and support and prayers. Please help me help myself before its too late
God loves you right now. No matter what you do or don’t do, God loves you.
None of us are ever going to be “good enough to earn” God’s love. Lucky for us, God’s Love isn’t something we buy with our good behavior. It’s the free gift that God offers to all of us.
If you want to be free from self-destructive behaviors of any kind, live into Love. Receive it more and more and more. The more you live in it, the more you receive it, the more it sets you free from everything that doesn’t fit with Love in your life.
So, my friend, remember. You are already in his Love.
Peace to you, Kay
Thanks for the great tip may the Lord almighty bless u