My first exposure to pornography happened when I was six years old. It happened on the playground. I can still remember the image to this day. That image hijacked my naïve six-year-old mind and was the impetus that gradually shaped a life of addiction, isolation, and duplicity.
Seasons of sobriety were outweighed by seasons of a more progressive form of porn addiction, and with it increased isolation and duplicity. Being a pastor’s kid didn’t help my situation either. Too ashamed to talk about my struggles with anyone, especially my dad, I was left alone to fight my battles. I felt completely isolated.
The Downward Spiral of Porn
This struggle continued all through my childhood and into my adulthood. In fact, this secret addiction eventually spilled over into my marriage. My wife had caught me looking at porn on several occasions. Fearful of what she would do, I promised that I would never look at porn again, only to be overcome with my craving for harder and grosser forms of pornography.
Five years into our marriage, images on a screen no longer satisfied me. Succumbing to my lust, I eventually sought out another woman. I contacted a lady selling her “services” on Craigslist and with $100 fulfilled the porn fantasies that brewed in my mind for decades.
Years of shame and years of struggling alone, with no one to talk to, finally became too overwhelming. I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life and had, at last, recognized my depravity. I needed help.
It was in this very pain and spiritual decadence that God met me. His truth, mercy and grace, along with the love of my family (especially from my wife) became the very thing God used to restore my marriage and purity, ultimately setting me, and my family, on a path to see others set free from porn and its devastating effects. As a result, Porn Scar was created.
Porn Scar: Setting Men and Women Free
Porn Scar’s main mission is:
- To awaken the Church about the ‘pornification’ of the society it’s called to restore.
- To educate the public about the harms of porn and its culture.
- To encourage and equip people to “Get Free, Stay Free and Free Others.”
One of the main ways we act out our mission is through conversation. When someone talks about how porn affected them God uses it to bring genuine freedom to others. One person’s victory has the potential to become another’s victory. Porn Scar believes that through honest and vulnerable conversation with others we create a safe environment for our listeners to come into God’s light for themselves. We believe that letting people in our own lives, through candid and vulnerable conversation, is a critical key that unlocks others to open up and receive God’s truth that sets them on the path of freedom.
Married to his wife Heather for 9 years and father of 5 children, Richie Cruz has a passion to see individuals and even entire cities be freed from pornography and its effects. He founded his organization Porn Scar with its mission to educate the public about the harms of pornography and equip individuals with solutions that help them “Get Free, Stay Free, and Free Others.” Richie believes that “every scar has a story” and that freedom can come to others by sharing them.
Hi Richie,
I have a similar story. A friend showed me porn around 7 on a staticky TV screen and it was over from there. Downward spirals, never enough and getting dirtier and dirtier. It was effecting even my work life. God brought me a wife and now I’m learning to go to Him and her and not pursue empty lusts although I still have lingering thoughts from sowing to the flesh for 30 years. I pray that all of us here can break Free by the Holy Spirit’s power and we use the tools He’s given us.
I think and think why I am attracted to porn; I am in happy marriage, have enough sex, but still looking at porn. What is it in me, I do not understand. My wife caught me and now wants a divorce. I confess to my pastor he pray for me and I am free but you switch on the TV and can see porn for free. I want to stay free and serve my Jesus that I love so much, and if my wife wants me back, I want to be happily married. Thanks Jesus for his love.
Hi George,
Praise God that you want to turn away from porn and be reunited with your wife! Unfortunately, porn is everywhere, so it may take intense accountability to overcome this habit. Might I suggest that if TV is a temptation for you, that you avoid it completely? I would also encourage you to use Covenant Eyes. Our software monitors your computers, tablets, and phones, with excellent accountability!
Keep up the good fight, friend. With God, anything is possible. You CAN overcome porn. I will be praying for you.
Blessings,
Moriah
I don’t know how it started for me, other than maybe seeing some brief sex scene in a movie accidentally, and then curiosity and internet access got the best of me around 12 years old. From there, I learned all the wrong ways to view sex, and thus began a 11+ year struggle and hypocrisy, shame, including getting caught at 14, but no real reparations or accountability implemented, it went on. Personal devices with inter et access made it worse than ever with kinds of wickedness available, it screamed on. Finally I’m at the place where I’m getting help, have more drive and knowledge of Christ’s power to change my life day by day, and I plan to get more support and break down the walls of secrecy with some brothers in Christ. Please pray for that, Satan is throwing everything he’s got at me, but nothing can stop an unstoppable God. My hp comes from the Lord! So does yours, through His Word that is given often by how others live and speak into us! Carry on the fight and endure, soldiers of Christ!
Joshua,
Praise God that you are committed to fighting in this battle! How true it is that only Christ’s power can change us; and it sounds like he is working mightily in you. Keep up the good fight, friend!
Blessings,
Moriah
I am a sophomore in highschool and am coming up on my one year anniversary of this sexual prison… I want to get out. My girlfriend is my prayer warrior and I have bible studies with some good friends, but I find that the more people I surround myself with, the more ashamed and guilty I feel when I fall short and feel obligated to tell them. I’m having trouble finding my motivation:(
Bro, I totally feel you. Im a senior in High school, and I’ve been battling this for two years. Even after such a short time it has weeded its way to destroy relationships and it’s just so hard. Im SO GLAD that you have told your girlfriend about your struggles, and she can be fighting the battle with you. I know it’s hard when you want to keep up your reputation and/or not let anyone down. I’m a missionary kid living overseas, so I definitely understand that. But the thing is, people understand. They forgive. Grace is such an amazing word. “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.” There are times when I feel even lower than a wretch, and for good reason. But God calls us out of that crap and pulls up up to his light. Hey, I’ll be praying for you.
Love you, my brother in Christ,
Evan
Hi brother. My cousin was molested by a family friend when she was about 6 or 7 years old. She then would show me all the things she learned from her attacker which is where my interest and obsession with sex began. I would sneak peeks at dirty magazines and movies where ever I could find them, usually at a family member’s house. I would sneak peeks at magazines at the stores when I could get away with it. As I got older and was able to rent videos, I did that. This behavior went into my marriage. Having sex for the first time with my wife actually increased my desire for more sex now that I was able to have it. And the introduction of the internet added a whole new dimension. More videos and lots of erotic chats with the ladies took me down a darker path. Massage parlors and strip clubs and voyeurism became the norm. It just hit me one day I needed help. My wife has been amazingly supportive but my addiction is worse than ever. Thank You for your video. It gives me hope that one day I might be free from this nearly 40 year battle.
I am going through this course again with a friend. I am attending a Celebrate Recovery meeting and a 180 Recovery video session and I’ve been free from porn for over a year.
Thank God!
WE GOT THIS BROTHERS! Stay strong. Hold the line. Wear your armor. Don’t do this alone.
Reading all these comments let me know that I’m not alone. My Heavenly Father knows all our pain from the time we started looking @ porn/the pain, secrets, shame we endure. It so humbling to see that I’m not the only one going threw this. Thank you all for your posting/comments because we are not in the battle alone. God Richley bless you Richie/ keep on sharing your story. I too, needed to read this and I’m now 2 weeks not looking at porn. I am A beliver in Christ, but I’ve been to long holding on to the lies of Satan. God bless you all/when tempted, remember to tell Satan and his demons in the name of the Almighty Jesus, get away from me!!!
You all are conquerors threw Christ which strengthen me…
I was a gay (I want to declare it over and over again). Yes I believe I have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus. However, I always ended up enjoying watching gay videos. I am handling a small group and I raise up these young people to grow in their Christian faith yet they don’t know the other side of me—living a life in sins. Many times I failed God. Many times I ask for forgiveness yet there will always be a day where I see myself returning to this destructive habit—watching porn. I am afraid to tell my leader about this. Huhuhu 😭
I am using the “private browser” whenever I search for porn videos leaving no trace of my activities and search histories and I think gave way for me to go on and watch porn comfortably.
There are times I feel strong in the Lord but eventually after being on-fire follows sins. 😭
Hi, JM – it’s a really rough cycle to be stuck in. I’ve felt that, too. You’re still using secrets to get away with this, and in the secret, sin always wins. ALWAYS! I think you know this. So, you can’t expect to ever break free while there are secrets. It’s honestly impossible. This blog post lays out some essentials for breaking free for good. I hope they are a help to you.
Regards,
Chris
Hello to all who reads these comments
My name is Tom and I have been struggling with porn for about 20-25 Years now. I have been to counseling off and on through the years till I meet this one that is a great professional counselor. Even though I have taken off google on my phone and had a friend that I can count on as an accountability person I had him change me passcode to me App Store so that I can’t get to google anymore. But I still have that struggle on my laptop on Microsoft internet. I don’t know how to put a lock on that to keep my wondering eyes from searching
Hi, Tom – it sounds like you’re taking good steps forward. If you can take a few more steps, then let’s get the laptop protected, too. Covenant Eyes can do that and since you already have an Accountability partner, you’re on your way. Is that a step you can take? You can sign-up for an individual account here.
I travel a similar path. Strip clubs had to have been followed by a prostitute or massage parlor. This is why I support efforts to curb human trafficking. I did go further and landed on sex with transgendered individuals. I am 10 years sober now.