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How Do I Kick a Masturbation Addiction? (For Women)

Last Updated: January 23, 2023

It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.

But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.

3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction

Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.

Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.

Masturbation addiction does not honor God.

No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”

Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.

Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.

That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.

3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating

So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.

Think on truth.

More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.

Know your weaknesses.

Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.

For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger.  Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.

The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.

Do not make it easy.

Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.

I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)

Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

  1. Fran

    Hey I’m 15 and I have been struggling with masturbation my whole life. I’m not sure how I even started but I know I did it as a toddler and up. When I was even 4 and 5 years old I did it secretly cause I always thought there was something wrong with me. And I know why cause my little sister masturbates and my mom doesn’t care and my dad gets upset and always tells her that “no you can’t do that” and I’m sure that’s what I was told. From a young age I thought there was something wrong with me and I felt guilty cause I thought I was bad. Just so you know I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it. I did it on and off until I was about 12 years old and then I told myself “I can’t do this I have to stop nobody else does it there must be something wrong with me!” So I stopped for awhile but, then I don’t know how but somehow I started doing it again. I still didn’t know what I was doing. Then when I was almost 14 I learned what sex was (yeah I know sorta late) and I was Soo relieved cause the book I read said that alot of people masturbate and it’s only bad if you think of bad thoughts while you do it. I never had fantasized or anything when I did it but of course the next time I did it I fantasized! I felt so giulty and dirty. Still I sorta still felt guilty when I did it even if i didnt fantasize probably from being guilty my whole life. Still I probably did it about 2 times a month. But I know I was addicted cause I never wanted to do it but couldn’t stop myself. About 4 months ago I found out that it is a sin even when not fantasizing (I think my whole life in that back of my heart I knew it was a sin.) And I have decided to put all of my heart and mind and soul into stopping the addiction. It’s SO hard but I have gone over a month in not doing it. I know God loves me still and that I am forgiven in Jesus blood but it’s so hard for me to forgive myself and to get over the guilt and shame.I even feel super guilty when I am tempted and I am tempted often. But I have to remind myself that temptation is not a sin yieldin to it is the sin. I want to follow God’s ways and do what’s right. I want to grow up have a job in the computer programming world (I’m learning that right now) I want to get married to a Christian man someday. I want to have many children and raise them in a Christian home and loving home. Yet sometimes I feel so low and guilty and I feel that I certainly do not deserve anything but to live alone by myself with nothing. I don’t know why I feel way more guilty about this sin than other sins when in God’s eyes all sins are sins and just as bad. Please pray for my healing. 💓

    • Jen

      Honestly you’re not alone, and my situation is almost identical to yours. I’ve been struggling with this addiction since back in kindergarten when I thought it was just ‘stretching.’ I’m praying for you, and I hope you can pray for me too, since we’ve both been through a lot❤️

  2. Rachel

    Thanks Kay! I’m just a little confused. You said at the beginning of your post that, “Masturbation is a normal, healthy part of our sexuality. We discover that there are ways to make ourselves feel good sexually, just like we discover good food, art, music, and a myriad of other wonderful sensory experiences.”

    However, Jessica/this article doesn’t seem to completely agree with that statement.

    “Masturbation, is a ‘fast track’ so to speak to the end result. Imagine growing up on microwave meals, then suddenly being asked to cook something for Thanksgiving. That process of cooking will seem, long, tedious, frustrating and prone to error. When it isn’t perfect (and it often isn’t), depending on your expectations, you might get frustrated…Masturbation trains your body to grow up on microwave meals- the only satisfaction is this, and now.” (Jessica Harris December 11, 2013 at 11:09 am)

    I may have just misunderstood what you were trying to say….would you mind clarifying for me?

    Thanks again for the encouragement! I really appreciate it. :)

    P.S. I am currently seeing a counselor and I plan to bring up this issue with her as soon as possible. :)

    • Kay Bruner

      You understood me just fine. Masturbation is normal.

      We can have divergent opinions on things within the Christian world, and I’ve found that shaming and controlling is not the way to have a healthy relationship with our sexuality. When we love and accept ourselves as we are, it’s much easier to choose how we wish to behave. I know that sounds completely counter intuitive, but it actually works. God loves us as we are, why wouldn’t we do the same? Including our sexuality.

      Definitely talk it over with your counselor!

      Peace to you,
      Kay

  3. Rachel

    First of all, thank you Jessica Harris for sharing. Articles about Christian girls and masturbation addiction are definitely hard to come by.

    It’s difficult for me to pinpoint exactly when and how this addiction began for me. Growing up in a safe, Christian home, it’s surprising (and a bit confusing) to me that I began masturbating at around age 6. Ten years later, I’m almost just now realizing what a destructive practice this is. Although I never really viewed it as an addiction until recently, this issue has definitely worsened for me especially over the last few years as I’ve become addicted to watching porn, developed an eating disorder, and discovered other ways to masturbate. I want to grow in my relationship with God but I feel like this is all getting in the way. I feel so selfish and prideful. In addition, the way that I view other guys, and girls alike, has become ungodly, and often (later) disgusting to me.

    Thank you to everyone who has commented previously for the encouragement you’ve given me! I understand that like any other addiction, this is a process. However, I will try to rely on Christ and remember that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

    • Kay Bruner

      Masturbation is a normal, healthy part of our sexuality. We discover that there are ways to make ourselves feel good sexually, just like we discover good food, art, music, and a myriad of other wonderful sensory experiences. The problem comes with the shame around sexuality in our culture and in particular Christian culture and especially for young women who receive all sorts of messaging about how we aren’t supposed to be sexual creatures, only boys feel this way, etc. God loves you every minute of every day and night of your life. The more you accept and live into that love, the less power shame will have and the more free you’ll be of any troubling behaviors–because of course any good thing can also be used in dysfunctional ways. Food, for example, is a wonderful thing and we couldn’t live without it (sex too–our species would die without it!), but of course eating disorders are a part of life. Here’s a short animation on interrupting shame cycles. And I hope you’ve found a therapist who can help you with the eating disorder–I suspect that as you unpack that, you’ll find connections to the masturbation issue as well. Treat yourself with amazing, radical loving kindness! That’s exactly how God feels about you and wants you to be treated. Peace, Kay

  4. Amy

    Really helpful to read this article, thank you. Now at 22, masturbation for me has been an ongoing semi-regular habit for the past 11 years. I am looking forward to breaking this habit, meditating on Phil 4:8 and sharing this journey with another female friend who just opened up to me about her own struggle today. I imagine that freedom from masturbation is amazing, that intimacy with God could be so much more as a result, and that sexual intimacy if the future holds it for me will be so much more rich and giving and fun and loving. What a gift sexuality is! It’s so true that speaking openly, in trust, about sex and desire with each other breaks the unhealthy power that it can have over us.

  5. isaac mweru wananda

    i feel ashamed of my self coz it started lyk a joke, but nw its beyond my control, i hv tried all mechanisms to stop it but its very. am the one who used to advise my friends not to enter into sexual sin and am the very one who has been addicted to mustarbation to control my self from fornicating.
    my question is, if i get a girlfriend and we just romance without having sex in order to get this animal out, is it bad?????

    • Chris McKenna

      Hi, Isaac – getting a girlfriend won’t fix your desires. Your desires aren’t for a girl. They’re for porn and masturbation. She won’t replace that. You have to make a clear and effective decision to leave the porn and masturbation aside so that you can be fully committed to a girlfriend. Please take time to read this post, I think it will help explain my message more clearly: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/11/22/why-marrying-a-supermodel-wont-satisfy/

      Peace to you, Chris

    • LDS girl

      Ha… I used to think the same thing. I thought masturbation would stop me from pursuing sexual desires with my boyfriend but if anything, it only strengthened it.

      I can tell you from experience, that having a significant other to ”let the animal out” and avoid having sex will not work out the way you plan.

      Satan is shifty, and likes to appeal to us in these ways, saying ”oh, if you release your desire this way, it will fix this” it doesn’t. It can be worse. Because before my boyfriend, I was a timid, holy little church girl that thought cuddling was intimate. Just a few months later – maybe 3? We were doing MUCH worse things than cuddling… We never had sex. But we were close. And had I not ended it, we would have. ”blowing off some sexual steam” on a significant other will only heighten your desires. I promise you that. You can never go backward in a relationship. Once you do something once, it seems too late to go back so you keep doing it. And since your doing that little sin it ” won’t matter” if. You take it further. It’s a lie. Don’t buy it. Satan appeals to you this way. Don’t let him

  6. Carla

    Thank you so much for sharing this article. Im 20 and I’ve been struggling with masturbation probably since I was like 10 or 11 and I just keep praying and repenting and then the trigger comes and it just drags me in. But it feels so wrong and I want to change it but I keep repeating it and Im sick and tired of this! I really need help! Please please pray for me.

    • Amy

      Hi Carla,

      Thanks for sharing. I found it really helpful to read this article. I’m now 22, and masturbation for me has been an ongoing semi-regular habit for the past 11 years, since I was about 11 I think. The shame crippled me for much of my teenage life. I managed to talk to 2 people about it across those years, but those conversations didn’t really come to a clear conclusion and so I just carried on with it. Only in this past year have I felt the need to talk with others more openly about it, triggered by being in a relationship I think! The shame over me is breaking down -I am finding that being gentle, loving and forgiving towards myself is helping me to break this habit. It seems to be the case that when we berate ourselves, put ourselves down and feel angry at ourselves, we only feel more lonely and in need of intimacy -which can lead us to more masturbation! This can feel like a lonely and dark cycle.

      Today another female friend opened up to me about her own struggle with masturbation. It was the first time a female friend has shared this with me and I immediately shared my own struggle with her -it felt so wonderful to be able to speak honestly together! I would really recommend choosing someone you trust to share your story with. I did this about 4 months ago with a single woman in her mid-30s, and it was scary and I thought she might tell me I was mad or dirty or the only woman she has ever heard of doing this! But she didn’t. She shared her own story of her journey with masturbation, and she shared some resources with me to carry on the journey to freedom. She was kind and gentle and listened well, she showed me love and prayed with me.

      I look forward to a new part of the journey with this friend who is my age. We know we can talk together, keep up with how we are both doing, and pray for each other. I really think it is important to speak to someone and to share in the pain and joy with friends. I will pray for you and your journey, and that you feel there is a trusted person you can talk to about this.

      I imagine that one day freedom from masturbation will be amazing. I imagine the intimacy with God could be so much more as a result, and that sexual intimacy could be so much more rich and giving and fun and loving in the future. What a gift sexuality is! It’s so true that speaking openly, in trust, about sex and desire with each other breaks the unhealthy power that it can have over us.

      Peace to you!
      Amy

  7. Taynu

    Does masturbating stop you from becoming pregnant later in in life. Cn someone tell me if they know anyone who use to or still does masturbate and has become a mother.

  8. Taylor

    I’m really glad I read this. I’m 20 and I’ve been struggling with masturbation my since I was in kindergarten. I really started fighting this year and when I slip up I’m so distraught. I feel like this struggle will never end. I also feel like I can’t tell anyone because “girls don’t masturbate.” I feel like a freak and I’m afraid that I will never be able to get married because of this. I am also in a new relationship right now and I’m afraid of the day I have to tell him about this struggle. I am so embarrassed.

    • Chris McKenna

      Hello, Taylor – admitting where you’re at is a big step. That takes courage. Keeping the issue in the open is also necessary. If this guy is any kind of man who truly cares for you then when you tell him (yes, when), he will stick around. If he runs, then let him go. You can’t beat this on your own. It starts with you – making a firm decision that you are going to be victorious, walk away from this, believe God’s promises, pray from your knees, soak your mind in His Words, pour yourself out in service to others. You are not a freak. And, freedom is possible! Jesus did not fall to the depths of hell and rise victorious to then remain powerless to this temptation you are feeling. I’m rooting for you! And, God is, too. Read Romans 8 to be reminded of who God is, who you are, and your true power in Christ.

      Peace, Chris

  9. Rachel

    P.S. My. Will power is not strong

  10. Rachel

    I am 15. I have been masturbating and watching porn since I was 12. I feel bad and guilty. I DO NOT want to mention this bad habit of mine to anybody I know. It makes me feel bad as a human and I want To STOP but I can not. I always think of God,my parents and all those who trust me when such filthy thoughts come in my mind . But that does not help. As a human it is not good on my part. I want a practical advice on how to stop all this .i want to but I do not know how . PLEASE HELP ME AND PRAY FOR ME. I want to live a happy and guilt free life once again , please help. It affects my studies,thoughts,and behaviour. Please help . If I do this once more I wall not be able to think that I am a human

    • Chris McKenna

      Hello, Rachel – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Coming “open” like this is a great first step. Is there anyone, anywhere you can talk to? Maybe even some kind of anonymous social media outlet you can use for right now? Eventually, looking someone in the eye and talking openly about the issue is the exact thing that crushes the enemy’s power in this issue. He does NOT want you to live a happy and guilt-free life. His motto is “steal, kill, destroy.” Take no prisoners. Alone, in the dark, tempting hours of the night he will continue to dominate unless there’s some drastic action, like removing all access to the Internet, speaking openly, etc. Changing routines….it’s hard work. Jesus came for you to have life and have it to the full! He’s right there with you. He’s for you! Read Romans 8 to find your identity as a conqueror – and more importantly, and daughter of Almighty God.

      I have prayed for you right now, Rachel. There is light! No hole is too deep and distant from the loving, saving, open arms of Jesus.

      Peace, Chris

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