Protect Your Kids A couple in a store, shopping for a modest dress.
Protect Your Kids 9 minute read

6 Marks of Biblical Modesty: How God Brings Sexy Back

Last Updated: May 9, 2023

What does the Bible say about modesty? Modesty is a controversial topic, especially when you throw God into the mix. Does God really care about what we wear?

Modesty is notoriously challenging to define, as is pornography. See What the Bible Says About Pornography (Without Using That Word). But as Christian morality compels us to leave porn behind, it also compels us to embrace a lifestyle of sexual purity that encompasses the way we dress and conduct ourselves.

First and foremost, a biblical definition of modesty must focus on the heart. Biblical modesty is primarily about our motivations. In addition, modest dress is also about discernment and having an awareness of others and our environment.

Related: 5 Big Questions About Christians and Porn

Why is modesty controversial for Christians?

In a recent conversation, a woman I spoke with seemed deeply offended when I suggested a woman’s manner of dress could tempt a man to lust. She wasn’t denying the claim that men lust after women, but she was emphatic that women are not to blame for a man’s lustful thoughts and actions.

She’s right, of course. A woman is never guilty of another person’s sin. That applies to both men and women who dress immodestly.

Modesty and the Problem of Rape Myths

This woman’s protest is, in part, motivated by a desire to fight various rape myths in our culture. When a girl dresses scantily, goes to a college party, gets drunk, makes out with a dozen guys, and then is raped, for some there is a tendency to say, “Well, she was just asking for it.” This kind of victim-blaming, sadly, leads some to temper any compassion for such women when they are abused.

Let’s be clear: Victims of rape are not guilty of their rape. The girl who walks across campus at 2 a.m. and gets assaulted is not to blame for the crime committed against her.

Modesty and the Problem of Lust

Similarly, victims of another’s lust aren’t guilty of lust. No one gives an account for another person’s sin. If a woman dresses immodestly and a man lusts after her, it is still that man’s fault.

But does this mean modesty itself is a non-issue? It does not follow that one individual’s sin of lust nullifies another individual’s sin of immodesty. Each person is responsible for their own sin.

Modesty and Double-standards for Men

Many have noted that modesty conversations tend to focus exclusively on controlling the way women dress. These discussions usually skim over the question of whether a man should dress modestly. This is wrong. We will see that the Bible teaches that both men and women should behave modestly, in the way they dress and how they conduct themselves.

Amidst these controversies, modesty remains an important issue for Christians in a world driven by lust. Indeed, it is all the more important to accurately define it on God’s terms. So how then do we understand biblical modesty?

What is biblical modesty?

“I desire…that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”

1 Timothy 2:8-10

Christian women should concern themselves with modesty because the Bible does. Paul writes here about women, but we should recognize that men are equally obligated to embrace modesty. For example, Hebrews 12:28 instructs men and women alike to serve God with “reverence and awe,” and some manuscripts of this text interchange the Greek word for “modesty” instead of “awe,” suggesting that it makes sense to apply this charge to both men and women. With that in mind, let’s look at six key marks of biblical modesty.

1. Modesty is not anti-fashion.

At the outset, we should take note that Paul is not anti-adornment. The force of his statement is positive: “Women should adorn themselves.” These are not the words of an anti-fashion prude. The same word “adorn” is used to speak of a bride beautifying herself for her husband (Revelation 21:2). It is a term that expresses being ornamented, well-kempt, and put in order.

The question for Paul isn’t about whether someone should ornament their body, but how.

2. Modesty is about who you worship.

In this context, Paul is talking about how women should prepare themselves for gathering at church. Women are commanded to adorn themselves in a way that is fitting for worship. If they “profess godliness”—that is, they desire to show God honor and reverence—how should they dress?

Paul puts his finger on the trigger of the problem. In Ephesus, the original destination of this letter, the cultural elite were known for their gaudy and extravagant wardrobes, their elaborate hairstyles, and their expensive clothing that communicated extraordinary wealth. James also warns against showing preference for men who dress expensively (James 2:1-4).

Here, Paul paints a picture of this for the Ephesians Christians and says, “Don’t mimic that. When you come to church, come dressed in a way that shows you desire for the attention to be on God, not yourself.” A person’s manner of dress, or even their preoccupation with clothing itself (Matthew 6:28-30), is often indicative of a heart that loves self more than God.

3. Modesty is about behavior and attitude, not just clothing.

When Paul says that women should wear “respectable apparel,” the term “apparel” is probably translated too narrowly; it is a term that encompasses not just clothing, but one’s whole demeanor, attitude, and actions.

From the clothing she wears to the way she carries herself, a Christian woman ought to be seemly and well-ordered (as the text here says, “respectable”). Ultimately, what should adorn a person is not just clothing but “good works.” As Christians, we are being remade by God for good works (Ephesians 2:10). Christ died so that we might be zealous for good works (Titus 2:14). Christians should seek to dress their lives in works that do good to others, marked with godly love.

This means biblical modesty is not simply about what we wear, but how we act, how we communicate, and how relate to others.

4. Modesty shows sensitivity to sin.

In this text, Paul says a woman’s apparel should be worn with “modesty.” Other translations opt for the word “decency.” The King James Version translates this “shamefacedness,” which gets more to the heart of the word. It means sensitivity to the presence of sin in the world.

It also means a demeanor of reverence–showing respect to oneself and a regard for others. It even carries the connotation of “bashful.” Connected to the term “shame,” the word implies the idea of grief over sin that is in the world—that someone would be so sensitive to sin, knowing that sin is offensive to God, that they would never come close to trying to provoke it in others.

No, a woman is not guilty of a man’s lust if she dresses with the intention to allure him. A man is not guilty of a woman’s lust if he dresses for the same purpose. But they are guilty of treating sin lightly. A heart of modesty is motivated by a love for one’s fellow person.

Related: Is Watching Porn a Sin?

5. Modesty involves cultural discretion.

Paul didn’t just paint broad strokes when talking about modesty; he gave specifics. He said braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire were out of place for a truly modest woman.

Some knowledge of Roman culture is helpful for understanding what Paul is saying. In Paul’s day, Greek hairstyles for women were fairly simple; hair was parted in the middle and pinned in the back. But a culture change was sweeping the region. Women in the imperial household were wearing their hair with elaborate curls and braids, covered in expensive ornaments. The elite throughout the empire copied this style.

Modesty and Culture in Ancient Times

For Paul, the appearance of braids and ornaments was more about what the fashion communicated. They carried connotations of imperial luxury and conjured up images of notoriously immoral empresses like Valeria Messalina and Poppeaea Sabina, ancient equivalents of Cosmopolitan cover girls.

The poet Juvenal, a contemporary of Paul, gives a vivid description of this cultural trend:

“There is nothing that a woman will not permit herself to do. Nothing that she deems shameful. And when she encircles her neck with green emeralds and fastens huge pearls to her elongated ears, so important is the business of beautification. So numerous are the tiers and stories piled one another on her head that she pays no attention to her own husband.”

Similarly, the philosopher Philo gives a description of a prostitute in his writing called “The Sacrifices of Cain and Abel”:

“A prostitute is often described as having hair dressed in elaborate braids, her eyes with pencil lines, her eyebrows smothered in paint and her expensive clothes embroidered lavishly with flowers and bracelets and necklaces of gold and jewels hanging all over her.”

Paul’s description of immodest dress conjured a picture of someone preoccupied with appearance, fashion, luxury, and sexual prowess. Similarly, modern modesty standards are not about arbitrary rules of how much skin is shown or how low-cut something is, but about the messages and values our clothing communicates.

6. Modesty is about true freedom, not repression.

More often than not, modesty standards are seen as repressive, arbitrary rules that restrict a woman’s creativity and freedom. And often enough, the biblical concept has been abused for this purpose. But when modesty is motivated from the heart, the exact opposite is true.

(See Purity Culture and Its Unfortunately Intersection With Porn).

Paul says women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel with “self-control.” This might be better understood as “self-mastery”—being of sound mind or sober, being in control of one’s impulses and appetites. In extra-biblical literature, this word has sexual nuances—being able to totally control your romantic and erotic desires.

Habitual immodesty is often, though not always, the fruit of a kind of slavery. A person might be enslaved by their desire to attract the opposite sex. They might define their worth by their fashion sense, sex appeal, image, weight, particular body parts, or the brand names they wear. This kind of slavery is widespread because sin impacts us all, and in today’s sexually charged, media-saturated culture, many men and women alike fall prey to it.

But as Christians, we are free from the slavery of sin because we are united to Christ. Paul exhorts us to live out this freedom: “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions” (Romans 6:12). When it comes to modest dress, we can follow Paul’s next statement quite literally: Do not present the members of your body to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present your members to God as instruments for righteousness (verse 13). Paul wants Christian women to have self-mastery in their wardrobe choices and to be totally free from worldly ways of defining worth, beauty, and sexiness.

Ironically, it is not just those who are scantily dressed that are enslaved, but even those who pride themselves on their modesty. “Modest is hottest,” they say, unaware that in their own hearts, they are still enslaved to a preoccupation with their physical image, still defining their worth by their outward adornment.

Defining Biblical Modesty

Taken together, these aspects of biblical modesty help to give us a working definition.

Modesty is a respectable manner of adorning one’s body and carrying oneself, born out of a freedom from a worldly definition of beauty and worth, and motivated by a hatred of sin and a desire to draw attention to God.  

When it comes to the subject of modest clothing, the first question we should ask ourselves is: What am I trying to accomplish by what I wear?

  1. Watsenaam

    At the age of 6, I was playing at a friend’s house, when suddenly I looked up and in front of me was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It totally overwhelmed me. My little heart raced in my chest and at the same time I felt a wonderful sensation in my body. What I was looking at, was a topless lady standing in front of me saying. “Today I am just wearing a different shirt, it’s okay, don’t worry.” While she was still saying these words, there also was an intense feeling of shame and guilt and I could no longer look at her. I turned my face down, but the urge to look again was overwhelming. Luckily she disappeared from the room while this internal battle was still raging. The whole encounter probably took less than ten seconds, of which I only looked at her for a few. I cannot recall her face, but the image of her breasts were permanently imprinted into my brain even to this day. It was wonderful and awful at the same time and I was totally traumatized. That night I told my mother crying, yes crying, about the lady I saw without a shirt.

    Before this encounter I was probably as innocent as any child can be at that age. I have had no previous sexual experiences I can recall, I never saw porn, sensual magazines or movies and we did not even have a TV. Still, by her showing me her breasts and expecting me to look at her by talking to me like that, I had an intense, traumatic and definitely very sexual experience. Somehow I was also robbed of my innocence, suddenly I knew infinite beauty and pleasure was hidden under the clothes of women. From that day, I also recall having fantasies about seeing those breasts again, being close to that lady, even touching her. I had no idea what sex was and no-one ever told me it could be wrong looking at a naked person but my fantasies also made me feel guilty and dirty.

    I would say it is pretty safe to say, my response to her breasts, both the sexual feelings of intense pleasure and the feelings of guilt and shame, was completely in-born. Since that time I really started noticing women’s bodies. By the time I was 12, I also knew the Bible said not to look at women lustfully. We would spend summer holidays at the beach, I would be swimming in the sea and building sand castles. Around me would be many women in bikinis. I never really looked or stared at them, but I also could not help noticing, they were just so terribly and irresistibly beautiful. At night I would lay in bed unable to fall asleep because in front of my eyes were flashing image after image of the female body parts clothed in bikinis that passed by me that day. I would lay there sexually aroused but at the same time feeling terrified, dirty and crying, frantically rubbing and blinking my eyes and pleading with God to take it away from me. It often took more than an hour for the images to subside, before I could fall asleep.

    By the age of 14 I discovered masterbation, and would use images of women dressed in tight fitting clothes that I saw all around me every day to be aroused. Two to three seconds of looking at the butt of a woman wearing a tight fitting jean, would be instantly stuck in my mind for days and arouse me to the point of ejaculation recalling it at night. My whole existence was a constant battle against lust and I gave this battle all I had, but I could never overcome it for extended periods of time. By the time I was a University Student, I had so much guilt and shame over my lust problem, that I totally hated myself and nearly committed suicide. At the age of 25 I was in a relationship for the first time, and for the first time ever was I able to break my lust addiction. It was probably the toughest battle of my life, but my love for this woman empowered me to break it. We got married a few months later. I have never watched porn in my life and never slept with or touched any women until my wedding night. Unfortunately, by that time my sexuality was so messed up that, even though the love of my love would stand before me in all her naked beauty, my body would not longer respond appropriately and we struggled having sex on our honeymoon. I don’t have the words to explain the intense pain and shame we both experienced because of this. I praise God for gradually healing me over the following years.

    This is my story and after doing some research, I found out there are many, many men with similar stories. Men who saw women naked or often just in bikinis and had intensely sexual and traumatic experiences often at ridiculously young ages; most of them ending up addicted to lust or porn. I also learned that in most parts of the world it is a criminal offence to undress yourself in front of a minor for sexual arousal. The sad part however is, that whether your intention is sexual arousal or not, and whether you are technically naked or wearing something like a bikini, you can still cause totally inappropriate and traumatic sexual arousal in a child. No innocent child, boy or girl, should be having traumatic sexual experiences if you ask me. I can also assure you that never did I, nor anyone I heard of ever had similar experiences with a woman that had her body properly covered.

    My wife happened to have been molested at the age of seven by a 12/13 year old boy. The emotions and trauma she experienced was very similar to what I experienced when seeing that topless lady, even though she did not cry afterwards like I did. Was my wife guilty for having a sexual experience or feeling ashamed. Should we place the blame on her for not having had “clean thoughts” while she was being touched like that. Was I any more guilty than she because for my experience or thoughts when sexually stimulated by seeing those breasts at the age of six?

    I submit to you, some parts of our bodies, male or female, are not innocent works of art that can be displayed and enjoyed publicly like a bunch of flowers could. I also submit to you that what people find sexually arousing is not that relative at all but born into people. Some parts of our bodies are made by our creator to be kept private and were made for intimacy, sex and sexual arousal and should be used appropriately. Our sexuality is like drugs, designed by God to help us become “one flesh” with our spouses, releasing addictive amounts of dopamine, just like any drug. In a marriage relationship it has a wonderful purpose of attaching people together. Outside of marriage it’s dangerous. A beautiful woman walking around in a bikini is essentially a drug dealer offering free drugs to any man that simply looks at her, because men were created to find her beautiful and with that thought instantly dopamine will be released in his body. Just like any drug, it’s very addictive. You can ask nearly any honest man, we all agree there is nothing on earth nearly as beautiful as a woman, and when she is partly dressed or naked it gives us an erotic feelings unlike anything else.

    Today I am convinced the only woman I should be getting shots of dopamine from is my wife. In Ezekiel, God refers to Ezekiel’s wife as the “delight of his eyes”. Notice He uses the word “THE” not “A”: implying she is the primary and only “delight of his eyes”. Staying with exclusively delighting myself in my wife’s beauty is keeping me so totally in love with her, it’s ridiculous and I praise God for it. Can I now be around other women that are sparsely dressed without lusting: yes. But the moment I notice their beauty, I am gone. I have to utterly ignore the presence and appearance of their bodies, like it’s not even there. The moment I notice their bodies, I will instantly find it beautiful and dopamine will be released. By the time dopamine is released I have “already committed adultary in my heart with her” according to Jesus. Imagine the amount of self-control it requires so have something right in front of your eyes and not noticing it, Something you know will instantly give you pleasure the moment you pay attention. I praise God that I now know its possible! If you are still struggling: know its possible. Not finding women’s bodies sensually beautiful, like I did during our honeymoon is not the answer, because that really caused me struggling t0 have sex with my wife. Simple as that.

    Am I advocating that men are innocent and women not. Not at all, we as men are totally responsible for how we handle the temptations that come our way and that partial or complete nudity is no excuse whatsoever to rape someone ever. But I also don’t believe a six year old has any capacity to deal with the intense sexual arousal caused by looking at female bodies. The Bible is very clear though that its possible and a sin, to cause someone else to sin, especially “little ones”.

    Our clothes, both men and women, are supposed to transform our bodies from the sexual beings we are when naked to the non-sexual beings we are supposed to be in our relationships towards everyone except our spouses. If our clothing fails to do this, we are essentially partly naked. Our bodies and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of in the setting of marriage, but the Bible clearly states it is a shame and forbids being naked with other people of the opposite sex other than your spouse.

    Our goal as Christians is love and love never asks what is the most I can get away with, instead it asks, what is the most I can do for you?

    Please consider the possible side effects of your clothing on innocent children and people in general. And parents, please realize the dangers of nudity to immature children and protect and guide them as much as you can. No matter how far you may have fallen, God is mighty to save and gave is life so you can be forgiven. If He could forgive and heal me, he can forgive and heal anyone. Many blessings.

    • Keith Rose

      I’m so sorry to hear what you experienced! Thank you for sharing your story.
      Blessings,

      Keith

  2. Michael Ritchie

    Isiah 28:13 But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken.

  3. RW

    Would you be able to answer me, please? Thank you. I’ve encountered this situation before.

    • Keith Rose

      Thanks for your comment! There are a lot of factors to consider in your question, so it’s really up to the discernment of the parents. In most cases I think it’s fine; the intention is not sexual stimulation, and there’s no harm to the children. However, as children get older it can easily become inappropriate or even harmful. Ideally, parents stop bringing their children into these situations before they’re old enough that it’s problematic.

      If you have concerns about some people you know in this situation, I advise seeking advice from others familiar with the situation and a professional counselor.

      Blessings,
      Keith

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