Each year, Covenant Eyes holds a scholarship contest for current members who are enrolled as full-time students. This year, we had over 850 applicants! These amazing students answered questions about integrity using today’s technology, their struggles with pornography, victories, and their experiences using our software and personal accountability. I had the privilege of serving on the committee that selected the winners this year.
See related: Learn More About Covenant Eyes Scholarships
These essays took me on an emotional rollercoaster. As an educational content writer for Covenant Eyes, I’m well-versed in all the porn stats. But the students’ stories revealed the people behind the data. I asked my colleagues on the scholarship committee to share their thoughts, and here are five things that stood out to us.
The Reality of Early Exposure
The 2022 Common Sense Media report on teens and pornography found that most kids see porn for the first time around age 12. Other reports have found the average age to be as young as 9. Reading through the scholarship essays, this awful reality came to life.
This wasn’t surprising, but the stories about first exposure to pornography added enlightening context:
- Many students were exposed to pornography soon after receiving their first mobile device.
- Of the students who struggled the most, very few discussed their initial exposure with a parent or trusted adult.
- In the absence of ongoing discussions about sexuality, even warnings about pornography sometimes motivated students to seek it out.
One of the most important things we can do for our kids is engage in regular discussions about the temptations of pornography. Simply trying to shield children from exposure is not enough.
And if children don’t feel safe talking to their parents, where will they turn?
A Deeper Understanding of the Nature of Addiction
One encouraging theme we noticed this year was a deeper understanding of the effects of pornography. At Covenant Eyes, we’ve worked hard over the past decade to educate people regarding the neurological and biological effects of pornography.
See related: Why is Porn So Addictive?: 4 Reasons It’s Tough to Resist
So, while today’s youth see pornography at increasingly younger ages, they also have a higher IQ regarding bondage to pornography. With many of these students, educational resources about pornography addiction helped them find freedom.
As a young parent, this encouraged me to think about the types of conversations I will need to have and how I can equip my children to resist temptation through education.
The Mental Health Effects of Porn
In this year’s essays, struggles with pornography strongly correlated with mental health issues. Many students who identified as “porn addicts” also expressed feelings of depression, anxiety, and shame. This tracks with much of the research being done on the effects of pornography over the past decade:
- Porn and Anxiety: What Does the Research Tell Us
- The Relationship Between Porn and Depression: Is It Real?
- Why do I feel shame from watching porn?
These issues make it challenging to break free. We need to have a gracious and gentle spirit in our approach to those trapped by pornography.
The Importance of Personal Relationships
Perhaps the most important insight from these essays was the importance of relationships. This came through in many ways from hundreds of different students. Software tools alone—even accountability software like Covenant Eyes—cannot protect students from pornography. However, when tools are used in the context of personal relationships, they became very effective both for preventing exposure and breaking addiction.
For many students, Covenant Eyes catalyzed deep and meaningful conversations with their parents and trusted friends. I hear from lots of parents who want “set it and forget it” kinds of solutions for the digital dangers facing their kids. This is a mistake. Tools have an important role, but only in the context of relationships. Technology cannot replace people.
The Freedom of Being Accountable
Addiction thrives in secrecy. In nearly every essay, students found that sharing their struggles set them on the path to victory. It’s not enough to warn kids about the dangers of pornography. It’s not enough to put limits on their access to technology. We need to cultivate a desire to be accountable—a willingness to own our mistakes and understand that true freedom comes when we have nothing to hide.
