Breaking Free

This is a guest post from Johnny LaLonde.  Johnny is a Registered Mental Health Counselor, Intern and Counseling Assistant at University Presbyterian Church in Orlando, Florida.  Johnny is also the founder of theVERSOgroup, an online resource for those who are struggling with sexual addiction or those who have been effected by sexual addiction. TheVERSOgroup aims to be a safe place to gather and “allow caring intimacy to enter the pain we hide and invite healing.” The Latin word “verso” means “the page being turned.”

- – - -

Personal and professional reflections on Covenant Eyes, the widely used Internet accountability software tool

Covenant Eyes is an accountability software service which monitors activity on your computer. It compiles this activity into an accountability report and sends it to people of your choosing. The websites you have visited are sorted and scored in terms of the likelihood that they contain questionable content. The Covenant Eyes service is offered through their website and it typically costs eight dollars per month for an individual user. In addition, Covenant Eyes recently added the option for an Internet filtering component.

Personal Perspective

About a year ago, I graduated from seminary with a degree in counseling and have been working toward my license ever since. I specialize in sexual addiction but I started using Covenant Eyes (CE) long before I ever became a professional. I began using CE when I was working in college ministry at my church.

The accountability software has meant different things at different times. When I first began using CE, it helped me to realize the depth of my problem. I had been selling myself the lie that I did not have a problem with pornography. I also told myself that it was not that bad. However, having a report listing the places I had been on the Internet made it much more real. The accountability report testified to what my mind so easily displaced. Because of this, CE was pivotal for me to realize that I needed much more help than I was getting. It helped me realize I had a problem.

Eventually, I found my way into counseling and began to seriously engage with the addictive patterns that had formed in my life. During this time, I always relied on my accountability partners to come to me when they noticed something. We had made a commitment to confront one another. After I had been sober for a while, my perspective on this accountability software began to change. For this season in my life, it had been very useful and served its purpose well. It was not until I became a counselor myself that my perspective shifted more.

Professional Perspective

As a professional counselor, I have worked with a lot of sexually addicted people. Many of those with whom I have worked struggle deeply with Internet pornography. I have come to realize after searching in my own heart and walking with others through their lives that accountability software can only go so far. A person can lie. A person can deny the report is true, or say that it was a mistake. A person can search endlessly for ways to get around the boundaries that they have put in place.

As a counselor, I do recommend that my clients use Covenant Eyes- if for no other reason, common sense. I believe that through the use of CE a person can heal and not just be accountable. I ask my clients to use CE with others whom they are willing to be honest with.

I also ask my clients to take the initiative in the accountability process. Why should the person receiving the report be the one to make the call? Part of repentance for an addict is to give up the hiding that they have held onto for so long. By being the one to make the call, my client is bringing sin into the light of community.

Currently, this is how I use Covenant Eyes in my own life. I do not have it on my computer so my accountability partner can call me if he sees something. I have it so that there is a continual reminder for me that what we do in secret matters. To remind myself that what we do in secret is seen by our Father in heaven. And that what we do in secret can destroy us. I keep it on my computer to remind me that I can expose what goes on in my heart and in my life, because I am fully loved.

A Husband’s Perspective

Just over a year ago, I married the woman that I love. Marriage changes so many things about our lives, not the least of which is our perspective. For a long time, in my own recovery, and as a professional, I had been saying that accountability software like Covenant Eyes does not “fix” the problem. I still believe that. But when I got married, something else was added into the picture. Our hearts need to be dealt with, but our behaviors can cut so very deep. As a husband, when I look at my wife, it suddenly becomes very clear: Covenant Eyes will never “fix” my problem, but when I think about how much my wife can be hurt by the things that I do, it seems obvious that I should have it on my computer.