The Truth About Accountability (from Pure Life Ministries)

jeff_colonI’m so thankful to the leadership and wisdom of Jeff Colón at Pure Life Ministries. In one of their recent newsletters he published an article on accountability I really appreciated. I recommend reading the whole thing.

Jeff points out four characteristics of biblical accountability:

  1. “We are responsible if we see someone who is sinning to take the initiative and go to them and confront them in a spirit of gentleness and humility” – Gentle confrontation is a tightrope many of us are not willing to cross, but it is a significant part of what it means to truly love a brother in Christ.
  2. “The person who is in need of help must be willing to submit himself to the person God has brought into his life” – Accountability partners are not accidental or incidental friends. They are a part of Christ’s body and are therefore the Lord’s agents sent to impart His grace to us. Submission to teachers and mentors is a key and often missing aspect of repentance.
  3. “We need to come alongside the weaker brother or sister and encourage them to grow in their faith and in their relationship with God” – This is the principle found in Hebrews 10:24-25. This is where holistic accountability comes into play, where we not only target specific behaviors (like lust), but the whole of a person’s life and the state of their heart.
  4. “Bear in mind that ultimately we are all accountable to God” – While accountability to others is important, we must see our partnerships as dress-rehearsals for the great Day we stand before the judgment seat of Christ. A wise accountability partner knows how to point our hearts God-ward.

Jeff is also the author of the book From Ashes to Beauty, his testimony about how God restored his marriage in the aftermath of sexual sin. You can also listen to our interview with Jeff and his wife Rose about their story.

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TD and Veronica Benton speak on porn addiction

Recently our friends TD and Veronica Benton were interviewed by XXXchurch about their story of porn addiction and recovery:

What is White Collar Sideshow? Doug Van Pelt of Hard Music Magazine writes of them,

“[T]he tag ‘band’ hardly fits them. This Vaudevillian outfit is closer to dynamic art exhibit in the new old west than a rock band. Think drum street corps accompanying Andy Warhol on the plains of Kansas or outside an old Western saloon circa 1800s. Or imagine the Jim Rose Circus and Traveling Oddity Show rolling into a pioneer town to entertain and enlighten the settlers for an evening of industrial noise.”

Over a year ago I learned about WCS and the meaning behind their act. It is that meaning that intrigued me the most. When I first spoke with T on the phone, his story of porn addiction gripped my heart. I’m so thankful for their ministry.

Using their own style, T and Veronica have fashioned a show to tell that story and bring a message of hope to others. TD and Veronica have both written for our blog before to share their stories, and they also continue to talk about Covenant Eyes everywhere they go.

If you missed our podcast interview with them last year, click on the links below.

13 Minutes with White Collar Sideshow
13 More Minutes with White Collar Sideshow

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Soul Talk: Taking Accountability to the Next Level (Step #2)

Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 54

Good accountability relationships are hard to find. Tens of thousands of people use software tools like Covenant Eyes to help them have open and honest accountability conversations in their fight against Internet temptations, but good technology needs to be coupled with good relationships.

Larry Crabb 3This is why we contacted Christian psychologist Dr. Larry Crabb. For the last several weeks we’ve been playing portions of our conversation with Dr. Crabb, to learn more about how we can have the kind of churches, small groups, and friendships that spur us on to be more like Christ. Dr. Crabb’s hope is that through these podcasts more people will recover the lost art of curiosity, and that we will learn how to engage with one another on a deeper level—one that allows us to see the work the Holy Spirit is doing in our lives.

Speaking from his book SoulTalk, Dr. Crabb speaks with us about what he calls the five dance steps of redemptive Christian conversation, five important ways of thinking that help us to speak and listen to one another in a way that stirs our passion for God. This week he talks about the second dance step: “Think Vision.”

Listen to more Covenant Eyes Radio on iTunes
 
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Peace of Mind with Covenant Eyes

internet-childrenAs the mother of four boys, I’ve long been concerned about the problem of pornography. Once a child is exposed to it, the images can easily lodge in their hearts and minds like a poisonous barb, leaching toxins.

I thought my children were fairly well-protected. We homeschool our kids, and don’t allow them to watch much television. We know where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing 24/7.

Little did I realize that my children were in danger while sitting at home, doing their homework! My eyes were opened several months ago when our teenage son told us that he was struggling with temptation because of the titles and images that came up on our internet service provider’s homepage. Every time he tried to do his homework, he was barraged with invitations to click and see.

I see our service provider’s homepage multiple times every day, but I never really looked at it before that day. For me, the homepage is just the gateway to what I want to do on the Internet. It hadn’t dawned on me that pornographic photos, unsavory videos, celebrity gossip and disgusting news stories were all just a click away. What’s more, they were being advertised to my children every time they went online to play games or to do their homework.

Needless to say, we signed up for Covenant Eyes that same day. It has brought a wonderful sense of peace to the whole family. Here are some of the benefits we are enjoying: Read more…

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Covenant Eyes Featured on “Pirate Monk Radio”

PirateMonkMany thank to David Mullen and Jesse Thouin of the Samson Society Podcast for having us on their show a couple days ago. I was joined by our VP of Technology, Scott Hammersley. David and Jesse asked some excellent questions about the value and purpose of accountability and filtering software.

For more information about the Samson Society, read our review of Nate Larkin’s Samson and the Pirate Monks or listen to our interview with the author.

 
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Ten Tips For Maintaining Sexual Integrity

Tip 1: GET REAL

Recognize that sexual temptation is unavoidable in our sex-obsessed culture. Erotic images on billboards, films, television and a thousand other stimulants are bombarding you daily. Being a Christian doesn’t exempt you from temptation. The godliest of men can fall prey to it. So the first step towards maintaining sexual integrity is to get real.

Admit to yourself that sexual temptation is a problem that you have to reckon with.

Remember John’s warning: “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves” (1 John 1:8).

Tip 2: GET SERIOUS

You should know by now that sexual sin ravages everyone connected with it. What you may not know is that every sexual fantasy you entertain, every flirtatious conversation you keep up, or every “second look” you indulge in is the seed for AIDS, adultery, a broken heart, and a shattered life. Get serious. If you’re entertaining lust, you’re dancing on a cliff. Take concrete action now while you can. Remember that “lust, when it is conceived, brings forth sin, and sin brings forth death” (James 1: 15). Read more…

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The Power of Prayer Over Pornography

I found out about my husband’s battle with sexual temptation in June 2005, when I found images he had been looking at on our Internet history. It broke my heart and shattered my world. I will never forget the physical pain in my heart, and the emotional torture of those first few days, weeks, months, and even years. But it was in those times that I learned just how true Romans 8:28 is: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Before we were married (in November 2002), I knew that my husband had had some trouble with pornography, but understood it to be a thing of the past. Little did I know then about the intensely addictive nature of porn, and how hard it is for a man to give up.

In the weeks leading up to the discovery of my husband’s sin, I had been working my way through the book The Power of a Praying Wife (by Stormie Omartian). This is a wonderful book, and it had me praying specifically for my husband in a number of ways, much more than I had before. In particular, I had been praying that my husband would be delivered from any temptations which Satan may be throwing at him. At this time I had no idea just what that prayer would do.

When his sin was brought into the light, I had a choice: to forgive my husband and work forward together, or to end the relationship. Praise be to God that I chose the former! Through the forgiveness and second chances offered him, my husband surrendered himself totally to God, broke his addiction with almost immediate effect, and took hold of a wonderful new life. And I saw that out of the terribly bad, God brought wonderful goodness.

My husband and I are now passionate about helping others to be delivered from this sin and pain, and take hold of the new lives God wants to give them. My husband runs a weekly accountability group for men in our Church, and is writing a book on how to resist temptation and achieve sexual purity through the power of God.

Mouse PadKnowing how great a role the Internet plays in providing temptation to sexual sin, I decided to create a range of ‘Sexual Purity’ mouse pads in my online Christian store. Each mouse pad is designed specifically to help men (or women) stay pure when faced with sexual temptation online, and because a mouse pad stays next to a computer, it is right there where you need it most. I pray that these will be effective in helping people stay away from sin on the Internet, and to stay sexually pure.

God truly is good. My husband and I are living proof that with HIS strength, temptation can be overcome; with HIM terrible situations can be worked out for good.

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Dene MorganThis article is by Dene Morgan, a stay-at-home-mom, who creates apparel designs between playing with her kids, home-schooling, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and hanging out with her husband.

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Tiger Woods’ Confession – my two cents

Q3ZkIJitI know every sexual addiction spokesperson on the planet has already jumped all over the Tiger Woods story, but at the risk of being a Johnny-come-lately, I throw in my two cents.

First, if you didn’t watch the press conference, you can read the transcript on Tiger’s Web page, or watch it via YouTube.

I’m not going to comment on whether I think Tiger was sincere or whether he just has good speech-writers. I don’t think there are many people who could accurately comment on that. I will say, however, his speech was a well-thought confession and acceptance of personal responsibility. Read more…

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Soul Talk: Taking Accountability to the Next Level (Step #1)

Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 53

Covenant Eyes equips people to find good accountability relationships in the fight against Internet temptation. Our accountability software is a unique tool that helps people to shatter the anonymity of Internet use and be open to others about the choices we make and the temptations we face online. However, Internet accountability reports are only as good as our friendships with the people who read them. We need accountability partners who are engaged with us in a life-changing way.

Larry Crabb 2We are in the middle of a podcast series featuring Christian psychologist Dr. Larry Crabb. Last week Dr. Crabb spoke about the need we have for Biblical friendships and community that help us to become more like Christ. This week he will talk about the battle against sin that rages inside all of our hearts and how we are meant to “Think Beneath” the surface in our conversations with one another, getting to the root of sin and stiring up holy desire.

For more information about these principles check out Dr. Crabb’s book, Soul Talk: The Language God Longs for Us to Speak, or visit his website at NewWayMinistries.org.

Listen to more Covenant Eyes Radio on iTunes
 
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When Love Has to Get Tough

arguement4Sin is deadly, and unrepentant sin will kill a marriage. Regardless of the sin, whether “big” or “small” (from a human point of view), a spouse’s refusal to repent marks the beginning of the end of the marriage. However, there is hope. Like a cancer, if detected, identified, and treated, the marriage can become stronger than anyone ever imagined. Unfortunately, the remedy may be horrifically unpleasant for everyone involved. Nevertheless, unrepentant sin must be confronted. In the words of Christian author and psychologist, Dr. James Dobson, “love must be tough.”

The Lord is relentlessly loving yet utterly uncompromising when it comes to behavior that undermines our relationship. Similarly, we must be willing to stand firmly against sin. However, as women especially have discovered, expressing anger or sorrow is not enough. No amount of arguing or tears will turn a sinner from his sin. It is a sad fact that when the Holy Spirit cracks the shell of a hardening heart, His tool of choice is usually the consequence of wrongdoing. Therefore, our response can be no different. For a tough-love confrontation to be truly effective, it must include no less than five essential steps. Moreover, each step must be thought out well in advance and then expressed with calm resolve at a single confrontation. Read more…

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