Breaking Free Blog | Covenant Eyes

Dealing with Porn in a Marriage: Darren and April’s Story (Part 3 of 3)

Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 128

Podcast: Download (Duration: 19:54 — 0.0KB)

Today we are playing the third and last portion of our interview with Darren and April Mabrey. Four years into their marriage, April found pornography on Darren’s computer. At the time Darren was attending seminary in training to be a minister. The cycle of sin and discovery continued for many years until one day April left with no intention to return.

Darren and April are now back together and God is repairing their marriage. Today they share about the vital importance of community when it comes to dealing with this issue.

For more information about Darren’s ministry, Sit in the Chair, visit DarrenMabrey.com.

Music for today’s podcast is “There is a Curse” by The Difficulty

Listen to more Covenant Eyes Radio on iTunes.

Webinar Today – Women and Porn Addiction: A Christian Response

Join us today at 2 p.m. (EST). Register now for this webinar. Space is limited.

Pornography is not just a male sin. More and more women today are also being drawn into cyber-lust.

34% of today’s young adult women saw porn before the age of 13.
31% of young women today say they use pornography.
18% of young women say they spend some time online every week for sexual purposes.

Join us to to hear the stories of Christian women who have dealt with this in their own lives. Join us as we hear from biblical counselors, exploring what the Scriptures have to say to women who are sexually broken.

How to Speak to Your Kids About Pornography

A critical question for parents living in the digital age is this: How do I prepare my sexually curious child/teen to live in a world with easy access to pornography?

Notice the assumptions behind this question:

Your child will most likely see pornography. There are some kids who escape their teenage years unscathed, but not many. According to the most recent Youth Internet Safety Survey, despite advances in technology, unwanted exposures to pornography still happen today (15% of 10-12-year-olds, 23% of 13-15-year-olds, and 28% of 16-17-year-olds). And when kids enter the teen years the dynamics change as many start to intentionally seek out porn online. The majority (87%) of intentional seekers are 14 or older. In all, 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to online pornography during adolescence (according to a study published in CyberPscyhology and Behavior).
Your child is sexually curious. As children get older, they will develop natural sexual curiosities and desires. This makes some parents very uncomfortable. How can parents not quench but steer their teen’s sexual curiosity in a healthy direction before porn captivates their minds and hearts?
The emphasis is not just protection but preparation. We can guard the eyes of our kids by limiting their media diet and having good filters on our computers. But the real parenting task is preparing them for a world without filters and fences. Have you equipped your child with an awareness of the temptations they will encounter and the tools to battle those temptations?

How can we parent our children well in this age?

Below are a list of articles to get you started:

You might also enjoy these resources:

Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, by Paul David Tripp
Passport to Purity, DVD series by Campus Crusade for Christ

Learn more about Internet dangers:

Get more statistics on Internet dangers in the free e-book, Parenting the Internet Generation. This book is a must have for parents who want to learn the facts about Internet pornography, sexting, cyberbullying, online predators, and other dangers.

Monday, May 14th, 2012
Written By Luke Gilkerson
Categories: Wives of Porn Addicts

My Husband Watches Porn: Am I Not Enough for Him?

On February 19, 2002, Cindy Beall received the shock of her life when her husband Chris came home and confessed to committing adultery. She already knew Chris struggled with pornography, but she had no idea how out-of-control his addiction had become. He told her that his addiction had moved from pornography to meeting people online and had led to an affair. Moreover, the woman with whom he had an affair was now pregnant.

Three years ago I had the privilege of interviewing Chris and Cindy. During the interview she talks about a struggle she had knowing Chris’ pornography addiction.

Am I Not Enough For You?

Cindy said:

I did take it personally because it had to do with us as a couple, and me feeling like, “Okay, well clearly I’m not good enough for him sexually because he’s looking at pornography.” Didn’t matter how hard I tried to stay skinny or if I got my hair highlighted enough to be blond. I would always ask him, “How do you like my hair? Do you want it long and straight? Do you want it short? How do you want it?” And so I did everything on my body to make sure that he was satisfied. I tried to look like I did when we met, which is really difficult to do when you’re getting older and having babies. But I tried. And he still looked at [porn].

And so, it finally dawned on me—I think it really happened after his confession—I realized it’s not about me. And as I talk to more women and men who’ve gone through similar struggles, I would find men who would have these full-blown addictions—who were working through it and maybe even recovering—who had the most drop-dead gorgeous wives. And you know, you hear people say, “Well, if she was taking care of him in the bedroom, then he wouldn’t be out there looking.” That is the biggest crock I’ve ever heard, because I was available to my husband. And I’ve talked to more women who say they were available to their husband. And they still do it. So, something I learned was, it really wasn’t about me. It really wasn’t. If I was skinny or if I had put on weight, he was still struggling. So I learned that, and that really helped me to see him as a person with an addiction or with a sin-struggle.

Listen to our podcast interview with Chris and Cindy: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5

Get More of Cindy’s Story…

Watch their interview on CBN.com.
Read Cindy’s chapter in our free e-book, Hope After Porn, where her story joins the stories of three other women who have gone through the heartbreak of discovering their husband’s pornography problem.

Dealing with Porn in a Marriage: Darren and April’s Story (Part 2 of 3)

Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 127

Podcast: Download (Duration: 20:41 — 9.5MB)

Today we are playing part 2 of our interview with Darren and April Mabrey. Four years into their marriage, April found pornography on Darren’s computer. At the time Darren was attending seminary in training to be a minister. The cycle of sin and discovery continued for many years until one day April left and filed for divorce.

Today Darren and April share the story of how they eventually came back together. Darren shares how the gospel of Christ powerfully changed his outlook on life and how he learned it wasn’t just a message that saved him from the guilt of his sin, but from the shame of it as well. April also shares how God softened her heart to come back home to Darren.

For more information about Darren’s ministry, visit DarrenMabrey.com.

Music for today’s podcast is “There is a Curse” by The Difficulty

Listen to more Covenant Eyes Radio on iTunes.

. . . .

Read April’s story in the new Covenant Eyes e-book, Hope After Porn. April’s story joins the stories of three other women who have dealt with the pain of pornography in their marriage. Each woman shares the hurt of watching her husbands sink further and further into sin, the critical moments of decision, and catalysts that set her marriage on the right track again.

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012
Written By Luke Gilkerson
Categories: Podcasts and Sermons, Pornography Addiction, Women and Porn Addiction

Women and Porn Addiction: A Christian Response (Free Webinar)

Next Wednesday, May 16, at 2 p.m. (EST), we are hosting a free webinar addressing the subject of women who are addicted to pornography.

Pornography is not just a male sin. More and more women today are also being drawn into cyber-lust.

34% of today’s young adult women saw porn before the age of 13.
31% of young women today say they use pornography.
18% of young women say they spend some time online every week for sexual purposes.

Join us to to hear the stories of Christian women who have dealt with this in their own lives. Join us as we hear from biblical counselors, exploring what the Scriptures have to say to women who are sexually broken.

Sign up to join this webinar. Space is limited.

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012
Written By Jeff Fisher
Categories: Book Reviews, Wives of Porn Addicts

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together (Book Review)

The title and subtitle are a perfect description of this book. This book gives us:

A tour of the authors’ “real marriage”
Truth from God’s Word
Frank discussions about sex
The importance of friendship in marriage
A picture of what a strong, Christ-centered marriage looks like: life together

Download our podcast about this book

The Authors

Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace, of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA, authored this book together. We are glad that Grace served as a co-author, rather than just offering a “Wives Chapter.” Her perspective throughout the book is very helpful. The book should appeal to both husband and wife. Read More…

Christian Accountability and the Role of Covenant Eyes in Defeating Online Temptation

by John Doyel

On September 13, 2005, I walked into my first group for men struggling with sexual addiction. Four days earlier I had resigned my position as a Senior Pastor, and confessed to my wife and our children (ages 16, 18, 22, and 24) that I had an addiction to pornography and had been unfaithful to my wife. I had lost my job, ruined my career, and deeply wounded my family.

What I didn’t know was if I would be able to recover. Can someone who has struggled with porn for over 30 years and been addicted to it for at least 8 years ever break free? Was healing possible? Where does that journey begin and how does one start?

I walked into the church that evening a broken man of 52 years, filled with shame and depression. It was hot and I wore an old pair of tattered shorts, a t-shirt and a pair of sandals. I was a fallen pastor in disguise. Read More…

Table Talk – Conversation Starters about Online Punishments and Internet Predators

Using fresh news stories can be a great way for parents to spark discussions with their kids and teens about how to be a good cyber citizen. “Table Talk” is a series on Breaking Free, passing along recent headlines about Internet temptations and dangers. Use the questions provided to get your family thinking about Internet safety and responsibility.

. . . .

Mom punishes her daughter by changing her Facebook cover photo

When 13-year-old Ava Abbott was rude and disrespectful to her mother, Denise, in front of her friends, Denise thought it was time to teach her daughter a lesson. She logged on to her daughter’s Facebook account and changed the cover photo to show a picture of Ava with a red and white “X” across her mouth and a banner that read, “”I do not know how to keep my [mouth shut]. I am no longer allowed on Facebook or my phone. Please ask why, my mom says I have to answer everyone that asks.” Read More…

Dealing with Porn in a Marriage: Darren and April’s Story (Part 1 of 3)

Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 126

Podcast: Download (Duration: 16:03 — 7.4MB)

Today we are playing the first part of our interview with Darren and April Mabrey.

Four years into their marriage, April found pornography on Darren’s computer. At the time Darren was attending seminary in training to be a minister. April shares for us the pain of that first discovery and the cycle of sin and discovery that continued for years, eventually leading to April leaving Darren.

Darren also shares his thoughts on what kept him so trapped in pornography and what will bring guys who are trapped in this sin to the breaking point.

For more information visit DarrenMabrey.com.

Music for today’s podcast is “There is a Curse” by The Difficulty

Listen to more Covenant Eyes Radio on iTunes.

. . . .

Read April’s story in the new Covenant Eyes e-book, Hope After Porn. April’s story joins the stories of three other women who have dealt with the pain of pornography in their marriage. Each woman shares the hurt of watching her husbands sink further and further into sin, the critical moments of decision, and catalysts that set her marriage on the right track again.