In one sense, quitting porn as a Christian is no different from quitting porn for anyone else. There are time-tested strategies you can use and steps you can follow to ensure that you break free for good. And yet, as a Christian, you’re not just looking to modify your behavior. Christians should strive to be more like Jesus in every area of life.
I’ve worked at Covenant Eyes helping Christians overcome pornography for more than 20 years. In that time, I’ve spoken with many people about their failures and victories on their journey to a porn-free life. Here’s what I’ve learned.
Count the cost.
“For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28)
Often, I find that when someone says, “I want to quit porn,” what they really mean is, “I’m tired of the negative effects on my life.” Now, the negative effects are real and can be a powerful motivator.
But overcoming porn doesn’t just mean the subtraction of the negative effects. It means sacrificing something that brings a tremendous amount of pleasure. It means willingness to follow through when the going gets tough. It means embracing the consequences.
Is it worth it? Yes, it’s totally worth it. But there’s a cost.
Confess your sin.
Becoming a Christian in the first place involves confessing your sins to God, and you do the same thing again when you confront a deep-rooted sin like pornography.
Confess to God
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
Acknowledging your sin to God and asking his forgiveness is an absolute must. It’s foundational to the Bible’s teaching about the way we relate to God, the way we experience forgiveness of sins, and how we receive God’s grace.
When we confess to God, we’re not just saying, “I’m sorry I messed up.” True confession goes deeper. It says, “I’ve messed up, and I’m powerless on my own to fix this.” This echoes the first step in 12-step addiction recovery programs, and it’s a deeply biblical principle. We have to acknowledge both our sin and our need for a savior.
Confess to Others
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. (James 5:16)
I’ve never met a Christian who overcame pornography in secret.
Many Christians struggle to understand why confession to another person is so important. After all, after committing horrible sins, King David said, “Against you [God]—you alone—I have sinned and done this evil in your sight” (Psalm 51:4). Surely, with something like watching pornography, if we confess to God, it’s enough, isn’t it?
I’ve heard many stories of people who confess their sins to God again and again without finding freedom. I’ve experienced the same thing in my own life with various sin struggles, including lust.
Why is that? One reason is that confession to God often feels less real than confession to another person. We can’t see God, we can’t gauge his facial expressions when we tell him what we’ve done. And we might be tempted to think, “God already knows, so what difference does it make if I confess?”
There might be other reasons as well. But this is why God also tells us to confess our sins to one another. Our faith was never intended to be lived out in isolation.
Seek out encouragement.
“But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin’s deception.” (Hebrews 3:13)
I think part of the reason God calls us to confess our sins to one another is that it sets the stage for this next aspect: encouragement. We easily get discouraged and loose heart, especially when dealing with a besetting sin like habitual porn. The Bible teaches that we need to surround ourselves with other Christians who can encourage us on the path to victory.
Too often, when Christians think about accountability, they only think “Be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23). But the Bible teaches that we need encouragement even more than we need calling out. That’s why we like to say that accountability isn’t calling each other out on our sin as much as it is calling each other up to who we are in Christ.
It takes a plan.
“Commit your activities to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” (Proverbs 16:3)
“Aim at nothing and you’re sure to hit it,” the old saying goes. This certainly fits with the biblical teaching. The Bible assumes that we need to make plans. We should also seek out the best advice we can find to make those plans (Proverbs 15:22), rather than just going at it on our own.
But notice what it says about our plans: we need to commit them to God. That’s partly because we don’t have the discipline and willpower on our own. It points back to what we said about acknowledging our helplessness.
Plan for temptation.
Often, when I talk to someone about their struggle, I find their plan for dealing with temptation is to hope that they aren’t tempted. This isn’t a plan. A plan means that you’re figuring out the escape route you’ll take before temptation has you completely trapped.
- Identify the most challenging times and situations. Bedtime? Weekends?
- Recruit allies to help keep you accountable.
- Remove as opportunities for temptation as you can. Make it hard to get to pornography.
Plan replacement hobbies and habits.
If you’re just cutting porn out of your life and not replacing it with anything, you’re leaving a gaping hole that’s bound to drag you back down. You need to fill the void with good things:
- Learn something new.
- Join a club or a small group.
- Volunteer for service projects.
Renew your mind.
“Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2
This doesn’t happen in a day, a week, or even a month. But over time, as you pile up more successive days without porn and more days where you’re reading the Bible, praying, spending time with other Christians, and worshiping God, you’ll find yourself being transformed.
Counseling can help.
A good counselor or therapist can help you see how the gospel shines into the darkest corners of your heart to bring healing and grace. They can help you dig into the past wounds and false beliefs that keep you trapped in pornography. While counseling won’t “fix” a porn struggle in and of itself, it can help you with “renewing the mind.”
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