How Do I Kick Masturbation Addiction?
For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.
But this battle is worth our attention for many reasons. Here are three.
3 Reasons to Kick Masturbation
- Sex should not be selfish. Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.
- It does not honor God. No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”
- It definitely does not honor your spouse. Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.
That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.
Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.
3 Practical Steps to Kick Masturbation
- Think on Truth. More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think on, or meditate on, is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.
- Know Your Weaknesses. Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate. For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.
- Do Not Make it Easy. Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible. I debated putting this in here, because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an e-mail from a single Christian young woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I know for certainty that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)
Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13
28 Responses to How Do I Kick Masturbation Addiction?
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Thank you for this article, seldom do I see things written about female masturbation, wonderful article. I will download this and have it for our women who work with female sex addiction.
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Eugene,
You are welcome. Feel free to share it with whoever needs it. I have other resources over on the sight if you ever need anything more!
For His Glory, because of His Grace,
Jessica
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Thats well and good, but what happens when husband was spoiled by so many women in the past that didnt require how to please them. I have a problem getting hubby to get orgasmic with me and it always was like this. oh BTW hubby is/was a musician the other women were ‘groupies’. Is there counseling for this problem of female orgasm?..males are guarenteed it
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zipporah – Interesting question and common problem (unfortunately). There is counseling available for women for just about anything nowadays, so I imagine you could find someone to talk to about female orgasm. The Journal of the American Medical Association reports that 43% of American women suffer from some form of “Female Sexual Dysfunction.” But as far as your husband is concerned, remember that men who have been very sexually active or who have watched pornography heavily have trained their minds to be very self-centered about their sexuality. This is unfortunate for you and for him. You are missing out on each other. “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). When a man treats the woman’s body with the same respect with which he would treat his own (including in the bedroom) then he will also reap the benefits of her pleasure. The one book in the Bible that describes love-making in detail, the Song of Solomon, paints a picture of mutual pleasure, and I believe this is by design.
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Zipporah,
Obviously, I can’t offer counsel from a little 150 word comment left on a post, but I think I can say for certain that this isn’t necessarily your problem. In general, women take time. We have to be romanced, and if your husband isn’t used to romancing, then yes, the whole experience is going to be lacking. From where I stand, it sounds like you might actually benefit from marital counseling of some sort. It’s like Luke said, pornography really trains people (not just men) to be self-centered about their sexuality. You can get all the counseling in the world for you, but I am not necessarily certain it is all your problem. If he sees this as an issue, then it may be a good idea to work on ‘falling in love again’ and helping him learn how to truly love (not use) women. If he doesn’t see it as an issue, then pray for ways to help him see how important it is to you.
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Really good article. Thanks. It is good to hear about someone helping women and being firm on the topic of fantasy.
However, a difficulty is that in reading this as a guy it does stir up temptation when you as a female are sharing (particularly testimony). Unfortunate – yet true. I’m not sure of the solution. It did remind me of my continued brokenness and need for transformation!
Maybe if the target audience is unisex, then application of truth needs to stay that way?
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@Rob – It cannot be denied we are speaking in “mixed company” here. Each post is targeted to its own particular audience (many posts, for instance, are probably not suitable for children). The hope is each post will be clear enough at the beginning of it whether the post is intended for the specific reader. Let us know if we can improve on this.
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Rob,
Sorry. Over the past three years, I have found that one of the ‘hazards’ of this ministry. I get that response, in general, a lot. Being modest about a sexual sin while still being open enough so that people know you’re real is difficult. That’s the primary reason why I don’t make a habit of sharing my testimony in a room full of men. That’s also why it’s best to focus on the grace that we all need instead of the sin we all commit.
I know it isn’t comfortable and I definitely did not mean to offend anyone and it is certainly NEVER my intent to cause trouble for my brothers in Christ. I take that very seriously and actually questionned this post for that reason. I will say this though, women need to know that a person gets what they’re going through before they’ll listen to you, so if I had presented the truth ‘generically’ it would have completely missed the women who struggle.
Thank you for your feedback. I really do appreciate it.
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Jessica,
I appreciate your article. I am breaking free from a 24 year battle of pornography addiction. Today is my 68th day of sobriety. But the area of self-gratification has been on going issue.
What you stated is true, about masturbation being selfish and its all about the self. I do know my weaknesses, and working on memorizing scripture. I’ve taken a Beth Moore challenge in memorizing the book of James. But I also appreciated your comment about “not making it easy”…I will say, toys have been a puzzle to me…Over the last year, I’ve made purchases I shouldn’t have but instant God conviction sets in, and within a day or so, I throw them away….but the temptation remains to continue to purchase them. So I appreciate you addressing the issue on toys/vibrators.
I’m a 32 year old single Christian and amazingly through my addiction to porn, I’ve actually been able to remain a physical virgin and intend to stay that way until God provides a godly man for me.
But know that you are speaking out and reaching out to women who NEED to hear it….
Appreciate your heart to serve those in bondage! Blessings to you!
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I asked God how I can handle my high libido and temptation to masturbate because my husband works away from home a lot and for some reason has stopped working at bringing me to climax during sex. The desire and need gets so strong it hurts and consumes me until I just give in to relieve the pressure and get on with my life. God showed me to use that time to pray HARD in praises to Him, and pray for my husband and our marriage bed. I can keep busy. I can exercise or do a project.
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Thank you thank you THANK YOU for writing this.
In my struggle, masturbation was there long before I got into pornography or erotic fiction, and I’ve kicked the last two but masturbation still hangs on because it is such a grey area. No one I ask can give me a straight answer, the bible doesn’t mention it specifically, and in times of temptation I use it as an excuse.
Thank you for writing so honestly.
I kind of picture masturbation like a Goa’uld from Stargate SG1 (sorry, I’m a sci fi lover). They’re parasites that get into people’s brains and take over their brains and bodies. In one episode, doctors managed to cut off the long tail this creature had, but the parasite couldn’t fully be removed, the head was clinging tightly with all its might.
Likewise, I think that masturbation, and really, selfishness, are the root of all our struggles, and we can chop off the fruit but it’ll keep coming back unless we destroy the root. In Stargate, they had to appeal to a race with higher technology to destroy the parasites.
We can appeal to the highest power! He can change us from the inside out.
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Pam – If you don’t mind a man’s perspective, I’ll offer it. I do think the main problem with masturbation is that it is tied to fantasy. This article talks at length about it.
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It is also unfulfilling. A healthy, God-created and God allowed marital sex life is fulfilling, no matter how often you “do it.”. It might be changed up a bit, but there isn’t this addictive need for harder core stuff to get the same if even any result. Masturbation is unfulfilling and you need harder core stuff….which helped prove to me that it is against God’s design.
I am still not sure how I feel about spouses separated by career circumstances or illness “relieving the pressure” so to speak, so long as their thoughts are on their spouse. For me, even fatasizing about my husband became utterly wrong because he could not live up to my fantastical view of him. Also, I was at it several times a day because it was so unfulfilling. I also found it harder to enjoy sex with my husband and I would wish for him to just get it over with so I could finish myself off (especially since for some reason, he won’t).
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I will be posting a video on you tube soon regarding this vey important subject. I have overwhelming evidence from Scripture that masturbation is absolutely NOT a sin. You see there is no sin: homosexuality is not a sin. Did Christ die in Vain. According to the church he died in vain. Please look for this video soon. Jesus said when you know the truth it will make you free. The churches have had you in the bondage of sin.
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Interesting thesis, Henry. Let us know when your video is up.
I agree with you: masturbation in and of itself is not a sin. I talk about that in this post. But lustful fantasy is a sin, and if masturbation is a fruit of that sin, we should guard against it.
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I feel sorry for all of you who read this article and actually feel guilt for a practice that does not hurt anyone else. I understand why you would want to refrain from masturbation in a marriage because it fires up your sex life, but especially to advise a single girl against the practice is beyond me. This is why so many women get married and cannot have orgasms with their husband. It is because they don’t know their own bodies. If you ignore the natural feelings in your clitoris and constantly shove down any desire with guilt and repression your body will no longer be your own. You would recognize good feelings, and you may never orgasm with ease during sex with your husband. You are truly missing out. I don’t think it is an addiction at all. God gifted you with a glorious clitoris which ONLY serves the function of providing sexual pleasure. Why would it even be activated on a woman’s body if it wasn’t meant to be enjoyed? Why wouldn’t the clitoris instead be deep within the vagina so it could only be stimulated through Christian-sanctioned intercourse? How can it possibly be healthy to shame yourself of a natural healthy urge that does harm to no one? Masturbation can be very fulfilling contrary to what this article states and has many health benefits including increased blood flow and circulation, stress relief, and pain relief. I’m sorry to hear such restricted close minded views here. I hope this comment doesn’t get deleted just because it’s contrary to the article’s intent. I respect your faith, I just think it’s awful to take a woman’s sexuality away from her because you think it’s dirty. God bless.
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We are all free to believe what we believe but I have to disagree with you on the fact that masturbation does’nt hurt anyone else. I have dealt with an overactive clitoris since I was 4 years old I would try all kinds of things to get relief. Medically I have a high testosterone count which I think might have something to do with it since at four I was not introduced to anything but the leaves in the backyard. I have lived my life feeling ashamed, inferior and as I got older would have sex with anything that moved just about. It all started with masturbation. I am 52 now I tell myself no more and then boom I am right there doing it again. It just happened that is why I came here I heard Dr. Weiss testimony on daystar and I need help. I dont want to do this anymore. I know the Lord forgives me but if while I am in the process of pleasing myself and I am thinking of perverse things how long will He put up with this behavior? I want to be free once and for all, I know also spirits are attached to this action I dont know exactly who they are by name but i want them to leave me alone IN JESUS NAME! thank you
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@michelle. I think imcubus and succubus. Try fasting and prayer. Maybe a Daniel fast.
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Even though I am male, I appreciate the fact that women are receiving help in their time of need to obtain solutions. One of the important things I find in talking about masturbation is that when you start honestly talking to someone about your problem/addiction, and making yourself accountable verbally to someone you trust of the same sex, it is the start of dealing with your problem/addiction and dealing with fear of communication. Masturbation is the frustration of being lonely. I really believe that dealing with this fear of communication about masturbation, porn, fantasy and erotic fiction toughens us up as humans and christians, spiritually to face the heat of our battle and win. I am from Australia and I have done a course caled ‘Valiant Man’, produced by Dr. Allan Meyer; web address http://www.careforcelifekeys.org . I’ve personally met Allan and he is very passionate about men have inner healing and women as well. There is ia course designed for women as well. If you go to the website you find all the information you need. I know there are plenty of courses out there but few which covers it with a spiritual perspective without smokescreening like ‘Valiant Man’. In other words it is said like it is so that we are able to honestly and fearlessly face our problems. God Bless all those who are standing and facing the battle in the arena and not sitting as a spectator wishing they could fix their problem. Your victory is at hand, step by step and little by little.
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I know I have a problem. I was strongly addicted when I was younger and after I got baptized I thought that I would be set free. I had someone pray for me and it still affects me, not as much as it use to and now I’m able to stop myself before I go too far but I still feel trapped. I know what I’m doing isn’t right, I’m not married and afraid of not being able to give my future husband the best because of it. I don’t know who I can talk to, I don’t know whether I am on the way to delivery or if I’m still stuck.
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This is an excellent article. But I’d like to add my comment to the point: Do Not Make It Easy. On that point, I’d like to add a way of making masturbation much more difficult.
Many, if not most people are not aware of Modern Chastity Belts. Sure, we’ve heard about how they were used in previous centuries, but their current use is limited mostly to a fringe group of BDSM.
I think that is very sad. A Christian who is trying to make giving in to masturbation as difficult as possible could be helped in their pursuit of holiness by a Chastity Belt.
This is extremely radical thinking and I know that. Many people will turn back because of the stereotypical image that comes into their head, but Chastity Belts are completely safe. They are hygienic, effective and comfortable. In other words, Christians who deal with a temptation to masturbate have only one excuse in at least not considering this option: Ignorance.
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What do you do when you’ve been asleep and wake up realize that you’ve been masturbating in your sleep? I told my husband about this incident and he didn’t make a big deal about it. I felt guilty.
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Leah,
Thanks for writing in and being so honest (even with us ladies ridiculously outnumbered).
Two things:
1. Your comment intrigues me because I’m not certain that we define ‘masturbation’ the same way. Women may fantasize in their sleep and therefore be aroused, but as for the physical purposeful act of masturbating- I’ve never heard from a woman who does that in her sleep. Not saying that it doesn’t happen, just that I’ve never heard of it.
2. Which brings me to my second point. If you are not purposing in your heart to do it, or making a conscious choice, then I don’t know that it is right to feel guilty. Does that make sense? Many women write in asking, “If I have sexual dreams in my sleep, have I sinned?” and my answer to them is “no.” Dreams are interesting things- sometimes inspired by what we have seen that day, or by our deepest fears, and sometimes inspired by nothing at all. If you are masturbating in your sleep or having sexual dreams you are no more guilty of immorality than you would be guilty of murder if you dreamed of killing someone.
If, however, you had a sexual dream, woke up aroused and then chose to masturbate, that’s an entirely different story. In that scenario, you choose. We don’t make conscious choices while we are sleeping. I wrote a blog on this a while back:
http://beggarsdaughter.com/when-rest-betrays-us/
That being said, if this is something that is occurring often, you might want to see if there are triggers for it and if there are ways to avoid those triggers. You are welcome to e-mail me if you’d like to discuss this in a less public setting.
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Thank you for this post! I’ve struggled with masturbation for a few years now. Not regularly, but even then, that’s enough. I know I’ve not been honoring God’s temple.
I never thought I’d actually deal with this. I hate it. I love Jesus so much and feel so sick to think about this sinful act. I keep asking for His cleansing and forgiveness. I’m 31 and single, so loneliness is a regular visitor. This isn’t an excuse, just a fact. I’ve never told anyone about this. Just recently I shared this with a trusted Christian counselor, who I hope to be my accountability person in helping me, by God’s grace, overcome.
Please pray for me.
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Thank you for this post. I was molested when I was a very young girl. Because of that situation I became addicted to masturbation without even knowing what sex was. No one can tell me that it is “right” or “healthy” because even in secret, and at the age of 6, I knew that I was wrong. I was never able to talk about it, find help, or allow God to step in to my situation. I felt trapped in a never ending spiral of lust, shame, guilt, disgust, and isolation. I grew up loving the Lord, and I knew that I was trapped in was sin. It really is a battle in the mind. I had to learn to seize control of every thought that crossed my mind. What you meditate on is what you eventually do. But after struggling with it for almost 15 years of my life, I took on this wrong identity. I felt dirty, disgusting, perverted, like a freak show, permanently damaged.
BUT Ephesians 2 says, “And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of the flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath just as others. But God who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been save), and raised us up together, and made us sit in heavenly places in Christ Jesus”
He sees me as pure, as righteous, as a holy daughter that He calls His own. Realizing that God views me in a completely different light than sometimes I view myself has been the most powerful tool in setting me free.
Now that I’m walking towards marriage, this article helps me see that the battle for change was worth it. I want to walk into this covenant with pure and selfless love.
Sorry to write a book… I usually never comment on anything at all.
Thank you!