I believe masturbation is a sin.
Lust is not a guy problem–it’s a human problem. If you’re a woman who has struggled with any sort of lustful sin habit, including masturbation, you’re not alone. Millions of Christian women (single and married) are facing similar temptations every day. We, as women, are not immune to lustful sins any more than men are.
I am going to be very open and transparent in this post because I want you to know that Christ has the power to help us overcome our sin and to find lasting victory. Then we’ll dig into what the Bible has to say about masturbation and why I believe masturbation is a sin.
My Own Sin-Struggle With Masturbation
Jump back in time with me.
As a single girl in my mid-teens, I remember crying out to God one night in desperation. My desire for sexual intimacy was so strong that I felt like I couldn’t bear it anymore! I honestly wasn’t sure how I would survive until marriage with such strong sexual desires. “How is this a gift?!” I questioned God through my tears.
I knew how much God valued purity and holiness, but it seemed impossible to stay consistent for any length of time. I tried to control my lustful thoughts, but they seemed to overpower me more regularly than not. Masturbation had become a common theme in my life.
I didn’t know for a fact if it was wrong or not–but something deep in my heart told me it wasn’t God’s best. The guilt I felt after satisfying my lust was like a heavy dark cloud that lingered until morning.
My struggle with lust and masturbation became a constant companion throughout high school. I was on a roller coaster of winning the “battle” one week and losing it the next.
I was growing sick and tired of it.
As I entered my junior year of high school, I came across a little book that changed my life forever. It’s Joshua Harris’ well-known, little hardback book titled, Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is.
For the first time, a lightbulb went off in my heart. After devouring that book, I gained a biblical understanding of my God-given sexual desires.
I realized that my sexual “drive” wasn’t the enemy. My sinful heart was.
God created our bodies with the capacity to enjoy pleasure and there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself. The problem comes when we allow natural urges to drive our hearts and actions to sinful places.
My eyes were slowly opened to how holy God was and how weak and needy I was. Instead of trying to muster up good behavior, I fell on my knees and cried out to a Holy God in humble desperation. I confessed my heart of pride and selfishness and asked God to forgive me of my lustful sins and for worshipping idols above my worship of Him.
For the first time, I felt free. Free!
My battle with lust wasn’t over, but I was more victorious than I had ever been before.
Masturbation was no longer a normal part of my life.
In fact, from that point on until I got married (seven years later), I only gave in to masturbation a handful of times. Now, don’t get me wrong–I still fought against lustful thoughts in my mind on a regular basis, but they weren’t the theme of my life anymore.
I share my story with you to let you know that victory in Christ is possible. You are not alone in your sexual struggles. We serve a powerful God and no sin is too great for the Cross of our Savior to conquer.
We Aren’t Victims of Our Sexual Desires
Now, let’s talk about women, masturbation, and what the Bible has to say about the topic.
Our modern culture tells us that our sexual urges are like balloons on the verge of popping, and we need to release the intense pressure every now and then.
Although it might feel that way sometimes, God has given us the power through His Holy Spirit to say no to the flesh and yes to righteousness. We are not victims of our sexual desires.
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16).
The truth is, the more we give in to our sinful desires, the more we fall prey to their grip.
We continue to crave but are never satisfied (James 1:14-15). That’s how sin works. It promises satisfaction but always leaves us empty and hungry.
Regardless of how strong our sexual urges may be, as Christian women, we are commanded to live pure and holy lives for God’s glory and our greatest joy. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
God will give us the strength we need to walk in righteousness–we just have to make the choice to strive after it wholeheartedly.
3 Reasons Why I Believe Masturbation Is Sin
Is it a sin to masturbate? What does the Bible have to say about masturbation? While the Bible never explicitly mentions masturbation, it does talk a lot about related topics. Here are three reasons I believe masturbation is a problem for Christians:
1. Masturbation is usually fueled by lust.
While engaging in masturbation, it is very common for pornographic images (whether imagined or seen) and erotica to be used to fuel the act. From what I’ve experienced and researched, it seems that sexual fantasies accompany masturbation around 99% of the time. Masturbation isn’t a solo act, but one that is often fueled by lust.
Although the Bible never addresses masturbation directly, it addresses sexual immorality and lust many times. Lustful thoughts are toxic to our mind and heart.
Related: Can you masturbate without lusting?
1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
Galatians 5:19 says, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality…”
Rather than seeing how close we can get to the line of compromise without going over, we should do everything within our power to stay as far away from the line of sin as possible.
Even if you claim to masturbate without lusting, why go there? Why allow yourself to be vulnerable to sin?
As long as lust is allowed to grow in one’s heart, the temptation to masturbate will probably always be present. We find lasting freedom only when we attack our lustful sin at its root and do everything within our power to destroy it.
2. The Bible teaches that sex is relational.
The Bible clearly teaches us that God created sex to be enjoyed between one man and one woman within the context of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:9). God created sex to be an expression of our love for our spouse and a way to create intimate bonds with one another.
Within marriage, sex should always be about loving and serving the other person, not about getting what we want.
When sexual intimacy is ripped out of its God-ordained context, it is no longer about loving and serving someone else, but about serving self. Masturbation fuels selfishness.
As Tim Challies says, “Masturbation is inherently self-centered. An act meant to be shared toward two people is completely and exclusively about one person, all alone.”
Outside of marriage, sexual pleasure is isolated from “community.” It is isolated from serving another. It is isolated from loving another. God never intended sexual pleasure to be enjoyed as a solo act, but as a gift to be shared and given within marriage.
3. Masturbation can be a form of self-worship.
As Christian women, our goal in life should be to “love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind” (Luke 10:27). We cannot fully serve God and serve self at the same time.
We can’t worship a holy God and satisfy our lust simultaneously. We can only do one or the other. Either we’ll choose to deny self and worship Christ, or we’ll choose to deny Christ and worship self.
Masturbation elevates self to be the center of our worship–the center of our heart’s affections.
Galatians 6:7-8 is a sobering reminder, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”
We cannot worship God and worship self at the same time.
Winning the Battle Over Masturbation
Regardless of how often or little you struggle with sexual sin (namely masturbation), you are not out of reach of God’s conquering power. Christ died on the cross so we would no longer be slaves to sin.
“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin,” (Romans 6:6).
If you desire to conquer your struggle with masturbation, there is no better time than now to humble yourself and confess your sin to the Father. Freedom begins today.
This post is the first half of a two-part series. In the second half, we’ll continue chatting openly about how we, as Christian women, can find lasting freedom from masturbation.
Thank you so much, although I’m a man, my experiences and feelings just as same as yours. This article has struck a responsive chord in the hearts of mine. Thank you, Mrs. Kristen Clark.
How about if I masturbate and think about my husband is that still a sin??
Why would you even be reading this material meant for women. There are plenty of articles for men on masterbation. Shame on you.
I am sick and tired of the negativity towards this page. The Bible clearly says: Do not use any part of your body to serve sin. This verse speaks more towards masturbation. Even if you masturbate while thinking of your spouse is still a sin because you are not directly serving your spouse, therefore it is self-centered. Those who think masturbation is normal and do it for physical wellness are being deceived. Gods word says: Do not be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for God’s anger will fall on all who disobey Him.
I am single .my husband. Died almost. A couple. Years ago. I feel I need sex that’s not. Wrong. Is it. I miss. It lately. I masterbate on Kevin awhile I feel I’m not being. Wrong what do you. Think. Of that.i need an answer .
Masturbation is not a sin. There is not a single bible verse that supports the idea that it is a sin. You have sexual desires just like your other normal bodily sensations: hunger, thirst, the need to poop and pee. Creating a sin where there is no sin creates shame where it’s completely unnecessary. Please be free of this idea that masturbation is a sin, and enjoy your sexuality like any other bodily pleasure.
What if I regularly crave for endorphins? I am currently fighting it hard. I feel such a freak because I cause myself pain to feel aroused. I was wondering if that was a reason to seek a counsellor.
I always say that when you ask the question “Should I see a counselor?” the answer is always YES! If you’re asking that question, that’s probably what you need!
Sabina, to me masturbation is a safe, healthy, normal, and natural way to release pent up arousal. As one woman to another I would encourage you to consider masturbation as a healthy outlet. It has helped me in what has been a sexless marriage to not fault of my husband. Just can’t perform anymore. But my libido didn’t stop and masturbation has helped me manage my sexual needs without committing adultery. I’m 46 and i enjoy masturbation b/c it allows me to enjoy sex and to be able to orgasm while thinking about my husband. Hope this helps
I find it strange that you refer to your God given sex drive as a “sin.” Smh
Thank you for your insight.I have dealt with this single, married and divorced. It has changed over time. The reasons have changed over time too. i still have so many questions still. i am looking into the whole Bible. Scriptures around the ones you teach and culture as i was taught to study this way. I,m also praying, talking to God ,praying more and deciding what is right. .
Please Do Not Publish Here If Not Appropriate. You May Personally Reply To My Email.
Thank you this was well said!! Heart!!
What are pleasurable sexual alternatives for a Christian woman whose husband has no physical desire due to prostatectomy or has problems with erectile dysfunction that is not helped by professional health assistance?
In my opinion, masturbation is normal. It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self. If your husband is unable to have sex, and isn’t interested in mutual sex play due to his medical issues, then I personally see masturbation as a healthy outlet for your perfectly normal sex drive. Of course it would be nice if he wanted to participate, but if not, well, that’s his choice! Enjoy the good gifts of God, including your sexuality.
I saw a comment to you from someone else and thought I’d prevent that from being a seed to anyone else who reads this article.
When we ask ourselves another way to get around God and to live in our sexual desires (I’ve been the master of self-justification for years), we are tying a noose around our own neck. Self justification is a rabbit hole that’s very hard to come out of. God does not excuse sin based on circumstance. Sin is sin no matter what.
There is no Biblical basis for masturbating. I may be a male but like young woman said, masturbation (or, generally, lust, and even more generally, sin) is a human problem, not a gender problem. No person is immune because of their gender, race, etc.
Now, since I seem really harsh, let’s balance it out a little bit. I’ve recently been learning how to walk in the Spirit. I’m not talking about putting on a spiritual show for others, and more importantly, trying to deceive myself by “being spiritual”. Walking in the Spirit is so much more than a show. The Holy Spirit comforts us, gives us strength, leads us into all truth, and guides us, among many other things! One of the most amazing things to me is that He always points to Jesus. And Jesus always points to the Father! Think about it another way; people typically wait years from the time their sexual hormones start really kicking in (around 13) to the time they are married. Obviously, the time someone gets married varies person to person. These people are in the same position. How do I deal with my sexual urges and be righteous? It seems like such an impossible task! And it is! It is impossible, at least, when we try to fight it.
The first problem is that we _do_ try to fight it. Scripture clearly tells us to flee sexual temptation. Literally, just run away from it. Any other temptation? Armor up! Fight! Sex? Masturbation? Pornography? Looking a little too long at that man or woman? Imagining what you and that person would do together? Run away from it! Why is it that sexual temptation is so unique in this? It’s the only type of temptation we are told to run away from.
1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee from sexual immorality! Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body—but the one committing sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
Again, we see that sexual sin is unique. Every other sin, including murder, is over on one side but here comes sexual sin, and it’s alone and unique in how it affects us.
We can have lasting victory but it requires a lot of hard work. I’m certainly not there yet. I know a lot of people like to share Scripture and then stop there but I’d like to offer some practical advice that has helped me.
– Keep it out in the open with people you trust. Do not go a day without talking to someone because sexual sin will start seeding itself in your heart. Keep living life in the Light (God, truth) and darkness (evil, sin) will not be able to last.
– Really read Scripture every single day. This is something I struggle to do, not because I don’t like reading (because I love to) or even because I’m too busy. When you wake up after sleeping and turn on the light, you immediately want to turn it right back off. It’s almost painful. We behave the same way spiritually. Scripture shines the brightest Light (God and Truth) into the darkest parts of ourselves. Our immediate response is to go back into the comfort of the darkness. Eventually our eyes get used to the light, though, as long as we stay in it. In this analogy, when we switch the light off immediately and then 5 minutes later, we try again, we may be a little more used to it but we’re going to face the same issue as before. This way of thinking/doing only leads to repeating the same thing over and over again instead of just dealing with the uncomfortable light for a few minutes in the physical world. In the spiritual world, it does not quite equate to waking up and turning on the light. Imagine that analogy but multiply it by 1000. It’s much harder, much more uncomfortable; it’s just impossible for us to overcome by ourselves. We need Him! He is our ONLY chance.
– Avoid triggers. This seems simple but I think that a lot of us try testing the waters in this area. For example, “this TV show won’t _really_ trigger me”.
– Realize that it’s a process.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“3 For this is the will of God—your sanctification: to abstain from sexual immorality; 4 to know, each of you, how to gain control over his own body in holiness and honor— 5 not in the passion of lust like the pagans who do not know God;”
“to gain control” is not an immediate thing. Other versions say “to learn”. Learning is not an immediate process. It’s a lifelong process. Salvation is immediate, from the very second you ask God into your heart and repent. Sanctification is a process of becoming more like Him, day by day.
– Protect yourself. If you struggle with porn, get a filter that can’t be uninstalled easily. I don’t work at Covenant Eyes but I can attest that the software really does work as long as you have an admin that you is not easily swayed. (ie: I really need to access this clean website that CE is blocking, please give me the uninstall code.”) This should also be someone that you really trust and that really cares about you, not someone who is going to judge you and tell you all the things you should not be doing. I had an account admin who I thought was a friend but he was constantly hanging my own sin over my head, reminding me of what a failure I was. I felt condemned and like I was fighting a losing battle. Here’s the thing, though; “there is, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. The Holy Spirit convicts us. That’s His job, not man’s. Someone can tell you that it’s a sin but you already know that. What you need is someone who can keep you accountable and encourage you. We see that God’s loving-kindness leads us to repentance, not His anger towards sin and certainly not a constant reminder that we are sinful. We know that. What we need to get through our thick skulls is that we are forgiven and loved and that it’ll take time to get out of these addictions! If you don’t struggle with porn, I still recommend using CE’s software. At the very least, it’ll help you from being triggered and even if you do not watch porn while you masturbate, a simple image one day can be all you need (especially if you are vulnerable and weak, and as Scripture says, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”) to run to your room, lock the door, and masturbate. It’s best to just remove that possibility altogether. (and porn is not the only trigger. It could be erotic stories or something else. You know what triggers you, aside from just generally being horny, which we all face. Some more than others but we all have sexual hormones.)
I can go on but I just realize how much I wrote. Just remember that you aren’t alone and do your best not to justify sin. Again, if it helps, remember there are lots of single people who wait years before they are married. They have it just as hard and while they could justify masturbating because they have no idea when they’ll be married to satisfy their sexual urges, it’s still sin and we still need to strive for righteousness.
I hope this helps someone! I know it’s long but these are things that have genuinely helped me. Hopefully they will help you as well!
Clayton, it’s 2020 and your comment has been a blessing. Thank you.
I am constantly horny and masturbate with my dildo every day, sometimes two or three times. It replicates sex with a man but maintains my virginity for marriage. I’m fine with this.
I’m stuck in the place where I’ve asked God to take this sin from me but I still feel it’s grip. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve read devotional, I’ve prayed but still I fall short. I read it’s good to talk to someone about it but I am petrified of what people will think of me. It makes me feel absolutely horrible and worthless and yet I still fall short. Any advice for me as I work through this?
Hi, friend – talking openly will help. It almost always does. I’m not sure what steps you’ve taken to try and break free from this, but maybe it’s time to get really drastic. Try really new things. New patterns. New behaviors. Whatever it takes! I trust that it is possible for you to be free. I really do. This will sound really strange, but sometimes it’s not a matter of prayer and devotionals. But instead, real steps. Like moving in with a friend so that you’re not alone. Like getting rid of your phone if it’s a trigger. Then, what I’ve discovered is that God’s Spirit comes alongside our efforts, and turbo-charges them. “Grace-driven effort” is what I heard pastor Matt Chandler call it and I love that phrase.
I wish you well! God is for you.
Chris
Hi Clayton.Your either married or old!
I’m on the same boat, my dear. You know where your answer is. The but. Overcoming the fear of talking to someone, finding that courage is the first step. I pray we both face that paralyzing fear and move on to freedom.
Thank you so much for this post! I have struggled with this filthy habit since I was in the second grade, no kidding! I am in my fifties now and married, but sex has completely stopped between my husband and I. After I went through menopause my libido went to sleep. Then, it came back to life and I have been feeling so guilty and dirty that I cannot face God anymore. My husband will not be able to have sex he has been very ill for the past few years. So, I guess it’s up to me to leave this habit alone. I know too, that being exposed to things like romance novels and even the christian love stories are going to have to become a “No No” in my life.
Thank you again for this post. Prayers please. Mrs. Beaver
Georgie, I’m literally almost in the same boat as you! My husband can still perform sometimes. It is just that menopause practically ruined my life! We went about 3 years without sex because of it and I’m certain he of course masturbated, but overall and in the end…I think I am the one that caused his libido to almost die completely because of the menopause! Fortunately and unfortunately, I got medical help for my menopause and when my libido came back, it CAME BACK…stronger than EVER! I find myself thinking of having sexual intercourse with my husband and even when sometimes watching porn…the picture in my mind is of he and I being the people in and doing the porn! I hate having this overwhelming feeling of sexual desire/needs! Like you, please pray for me as I am weak, very weak!
Wow. The Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God. You are going against but I understand as I was brought up the same way but then in my 50s a 83 yr old former pastor enlightened me that the Bible says otherwise, needless to say my relationship with my elderly parents is not good.
Thank you so much for the post and of course for the good comments.
i must say i am enlightened, educated and shown the true meaning of holy life and of course how i should battle with lust and be victorious over it.
i feel inside of me dirty but upon absorbing this insight that you just published i feel like am free forever.
thank you so much God bless.
Hello Renai. Your libido coming back is a very very good thing.Your going against the Bible
thank you so much Mrs Clark, for God has really used you for me this morning
i know i’m still struggling with it but i believe that with your help and God’s backing up , ill soon be free finally……God bless you ma’am
I am 46 and find that masturbation is a healthy outlet for sexual release when sex is not possible in marriage due to medical or behavioral health issues may limit or mitigate it from happening. Masturbation is also okay as part of supplementing when the other person doesn’t have the libido or level of desire the other person may have. Instead of worrying about lust or the guilt factor why not give ourselves permission to enjoy our sexuality and express ourselves freely in what is a harmless act of enjoyment that has been medically proven to help our physical and emotional and mental health. Orgasmic release is a necessary and natural part of our being and we should not feel shame or condemn ourselves for it. Why torture ourselves? What’s the alternative supposed to be….cold shower or a nice book to take our minds off of things? The clitoris is jammed packed full of nerve endings and serves no other purpose than to allow us to enjoy pleasure. I understand the arguments against masturbation and can see how this like anything could become a problem if not managed right. Moderation in all rhings should be the guiding principle just as in our meal choices and spending habits. Sex is a need and isn’t going to go away by trying to ignore it or pretend it isn’t there.
Thank you, Toni, for speaking up.
TONI – You’re entirely out of line and against the spirit of the article above. If anything, you’re speaking from a place of sin. I ask anyone listening to your words to reconsider their actions, as everything you promote directly contradicts what the Word of God teaches. This is scandal, and you’re sinning just by promoting sin. Shame.
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people call themselves Christians, but act like he/she is God but passing judgement! Personally, my libido is so low that I joke about being asexual, but anyone who says masturbation is a sin is simply playing God since it certainly does not say anything about it being a sin in the Bible. God made our bodies the way they are and allowed us (Most of is) to enjoy sex even after procreation is no longer possible. What is the difference between your husband causing you to feel pleasure versus yourself?? In fact, when you think about the actual act of sex with your partner, it’s rather disgusting. Masturbation is actually cleaner and safer.
You are so right! But like many on here I also was brought up that sexual desire was bad
My name is Bret. I’m a 55 y.o.christian who truly loves the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior. After many years of struggling with this subject, peace has finally come for me through the Holy Spirit.. The bible, God’s word, does not say much on masterbation. I agree with Dr. James Dobson who said, given the negative alternatives, unwanted pregnancies, affairs, sexually transmitted diseases, masterbation is the safest alternative. Yes, it can get out of hand, but God’s mercy and grace still applies to all of us trying to stay sane without a normal marriage outlet for sex /lovemaking. Even Jesus said He did not come to condemn us, but to save us, St. John 3:17-18. We have to talk to Him in prayer about every issue in our life; masterbation as well. Those of you being harse critics, where’s your love and compassion? I know believers who claim to have overcome masterbation, but drink too much. Sounds like a trade off… I have a new respect and understanding for those who have or are now in a sexless situation. My wife is going through menopause; to date, it’s been 21months without sex me; she has absolutely no desire. I haven’t touch or even chatted with another woman, so masterbation has been my only outlet. I was single, in the military in 1990 for four years, determined to be “faithful” to God and not sleep around, so masterbation was my only outlet. Was sent to Saudi Arabia for 2 months and tried not to masterbate, sleeping in close quarters with a bunch of guys. After the first month, my testicles were so painful I could barely walk or perform my tasks. Semen started discharging in large amounts (yes, a wet dream) at night. Pretty embarrassing when war drills forces you out of bed at night. I was determined to be “faithful” and not masterbate until a guy from our unit got a female commorade pregnant within this first month of us being there. This guy had a wife back in home. Begged the lady to have an abortion, which she refused. Glad she refused. That would have been another mistake. I was suffering, literally in pain while praying, begging the Holy Spirit to remove the build up of tension in my testicles; He didn’t…. In Saudi Arabia, anything of sexual influence had been removed. No magazines, videos, etc. Because human biological functions don’t cease, sperm was coming out of my body against my will! I wasn’t feeding a lustful desire, l attempted to suppress sperm production! Even asked for divine help… I masterbated so the pain in my entire groin area would go away, so l could walk and do my job. Our sexual drive doesn’t necessarily turn off with age. After getting out the military, I trained as an RN to work in surgery. Working as an in home care nurse, l took care of an 85 year old widower who said he really missed his wife as they were still sexually active before her death. Being a very outspoken, candid man, he told me remarrying was out of the question; that he’d just be taking care of himself in the bedroom. This is where grace and mercy comes in. Remember, Jesus died for all our sins: past, present and future. The bible doesn’t even identify masterbation as a sin, but if it did, it would be a forgivable sin like eating too much or gossiping; How about speeding? That’s breaking the law. When’s the last time you asked God to forgive you for speeding? This man was faithful in marriage for 60years, so now he’s going to hell for masterbation? Of course not! If masterbation is an over indulging activity that’s causing you to miss work, airline flights, important obligations or has caused you to stop socializing altogether, you should get help, but don’t shame yourself into debilitating anxiety and depression, Jesus still loves and wants to help and we your christian brothers and sisters love you and we represent that help . Talk to others about what you’re going through like on this forum and continue to pray. We can pray to help you find a good christian counselor. Ok. I’ve said quite a bit everyone. Hope l helped someone. Pray for me too, as l said, I’m approaching 2 years in a sexless marriage. Please read St. John 3:16-19 & Philippians 4:6-7
I love you all and will continue praying for everyone. God bless you!
I agree with Toni- there’s nothing wrong with it. That is between you and God while I dealt with those same feelings, I learned so much about my body and my sexuality when I finally broke free of those guilt feelings. Why would God want me to feel guilty for my body feeling things that are natural? I enjoy my sexual side even when I’m not aroused I can embrace that side of me without feeling like I’m gonna get struck down by Lightning. Others might not agree and might even try to bash me for it which is so unChristian like which is why I BARELY participate in these type of conversations with Christians because honestly Christians are always the main ones talking about how important it is to be sexually available to their husbands or wives but they can’t or won’t even tell them what they like or even experiment without being so mentally repressed. I could literally write a whole book on this.
Kay
I am with you 100%. As your sister in Christ I am dumbfounded by the mesmerizing of so many Christians myself. There should be no place for hate, bigotry, or judgment on this issue. Masturbation is not a sin issue or a moral issue if that. Sexual addiction can and does come into play when things grow out of balance. Thankfully, I have found peace and contentment that allows me to enjoy self-pleasure without guilt or shame. Our bodies were designed to experience and to enjoy sexual pleasure. It isn’t up to our spouses to fulfill us sexually. Masturbation has become a tool for me to get to know my body and to learn how to give myself the pleasure and release I want and need to have. It wasn’t until I began this journey 3 years ago that I discovered how incredible and intricate and delicate my clitoris is and how God designed it. I no longer walk in shame or embarrassment at my own sexuality. I am able to express it freely now. So liberating! And lust hasn’t been the stereotypical drive behind it. What is so horrible about fantasizing about your spouse and to still be able to orgasm as if you literally did the act? I am probably the minority here but if I can be an advocate for Christian women on this issue i welcome the opportunity. Also, I think we need to learn compassion and understanding as far as our LGBT sisters as well and to come alongside with love and support. Let us leave judgment and condemnation out of the conversation and embrace our humanity and express it without fear.
I agree. As a woman who has seen and experienced a lot, in relationships and out of them, this is a gift to us. Once i broke out of the guilt of self pleasure not only did I enjoy it more but I felt free to be me and free to not be consumed by it.
It is something I enjoy and I wish the same for many other women who deserve it too.
I agree with anonymous…Toni is totally out of line in this situation.
I dont think so… masturbation is helping when your husband couldnt do what he had to do…. because of medical condition etc
It is not about the masturbation itself..
But abaout what do you thinking while doing it…
Do you addicted to it?
Or do you have any suggestion how to deal with it (when your spouse can’t fulfil your sexual need which is come from God too)?
Wow. Masturbation is not a sin. If you think otherwise you are full of hate, bigotry and false doctrine. Get thee behind me Satan.
Toni is causing herself to crave isolated sexual pleasure by indulging in it often. Once you exercise self-control (the fruit of the Holy Spirit) you will increase your strength to obey God. Your obedience will increase your intimacy with God. Isolated self-gratification certainly must pale in comparison to the mutual giving and receiving designed by God, which is also a reflection of His nature and character. As a side note, two people of the same sex also can never achieve mutual, simultaneous giving and receiving as God designed for His image-bearers.
I agree anonymous
Hi there, no disrespect to anyone but are you all listening to yourselves? This is exactly what the enemy likes. Disputes among Christians. We all are sinners one way or another. I’m Christian and a sinner.
I love all of you for who you are not for what you do. Let’s not judge one another. God is the only Judge. That is between you and the Lord.
Step aside and give it to Jesus.
Peace to all.
To those who disagree about the argument for masturbation there is far more to this issue than just spiritual. We are free to agree and disagree and there are mixed opinions on this of course. To put it simply, the Bible is silent on masturbation with not one commandment about it. We are allowed liberties that God has given to us to decide on with our conscience. The Bible doesn’t condemn cigarette smoking or drinking, but common sense along with medical science that God has given to us shows that smoking is harmful to our health, along with too much alcohol consumption can damage our livers. We can go around and around on this and never come to an agreement.
We can go back and forth about lust making masturbation wrong. That’s a a subjective opinion and they vary. If masturbation is wrong for you then fine don’t do it. But we shouldn’t judge or condemn someone who is free in their conscience to do it. My conscience allows me to masturbate without guilt or shame. So it isn’t for anyone else to judge me because I do. I masturbate because I am in a sexless marriage due to medical reasons of my husband to no fault of his own. Masturbation is an enjoyable release for me. The clitoris has over 8.000 nerve endings. Why would God give me the ability to enjoy pleasure then if masturbation is wrong yet say nothing about it. It has been discovered by medial researchers and sex therapists that masturbation is a healthy part of orgasmic release and can in some cases help release both physical and emotional tension and elevate mood and help balance hormonal issues.
To Bret, my heart goes out to you. We are in the same boat. I am glad that you have found freedom to masturbate and enjoy it. As your sister in Christ i affirm you and support you. I want to encourage you to express the pleasure you feel when you masturbate and know that your are accepted and loved and that God made your body the way He did. You absolutely need to release that excess sperm and I am willing to guess you feel better after you ejaculate. I know I feel good too when I orgasm.
Thank you Kay for your support.
To Rick and anonymous I hope your are able to learn about compassion and love. Your comments are negative and condemning. Perhaps you are disguising your own secret struggles. Just wondering.
Toni
I am Robert – 85 yrs. young & former seminarian and now retired military, BS & MS. Obviously, “Anonymous” didn’t understand her previous comdemnation of Toni’s
well-expressed feelings. The judgment is God’s priviledge, not ours. Ours is to agree to disagree and
love one another despite our own feelings about issues.
I agree 100%. Anti-masturbation, anti-vaccination, conspiracy theories etc … people do not have common sense nor compassion etc … yet they consider themselves Christians … um
Bible is not silent on masturbation, it is positive!
Song of Solomon, Chapter 5.
Vs 2.
I slept, but my heart was awake.
Listen! my beloved is knocking.
Vs 5.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
upon the handles of the bolt.
(It is about him in between those verses.)
Something else you need to know about this girl in chapter 5.
Who is she?
Chap 1:8 “fairest among women,”
Chap 4:7 ‘You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.’
Chap 5:2 “flawless”
Chap 5:9 “O fairest among women”
Chapter 6:11 identifies her as a Shulammite. The meaning of the name is “From the verb שלם (shalem), to be or make whole or complete” – getting out of bed with her hand dripping with ‘myrrh’ – she was masturbating herself.
It means purity includes being about to masturbate oneself.
Hello. Im am 23 years old, single, and I keep falling back into the same habit of pleasing myself. Its very frustrating because I will do it and then feel guilty. Ask for forgiveness. Then be alright for a few weeks or days, and then go back to the same cycle. Frankly, I am not sure if I am praying the right prayer or that God is getting tired of me doing the same thing and let me fall into my sin. I hate the hold this habit has over my life. I want to stop, so bad, but I don’t know how. I find that when I am alone, that is when I usually do it because I know no one is around to interrupt and I feel like its a “great opportunity” to do it. I just hope someone can pray for me and give any advice they have. I really want to move on… I feel like this habit is withholding a blessing of a husband/boyfriend that could be great for me.
Hi Jnicole,
Thank you for being open with your struggles. At Covenant Eyes, we believe strongly in accountability. Do you have someone whom you could reach out to and hold you accountable? I would recommend our blog article, The Importance of Accountability.
I pray that you are able to find peace during this time of trial!
Blessings,
Moriah
JNicole
From one woman to another, it sounds to me like you are struggling with shame, guilt, and self-condemnation. I did for years as a single woman. My advice to you is this, masturbation is natural and the better alternative to fornicating. Accountability isn’t going to do a thing to curve your sex drive, which at 23 is very strong. You can’t ignore or try to busy yourself away with other things to keep yourself from wanting to orgasm. You masturbate because you need the release and it feels good. Whoever has made you think or believe that thst masturbation is a sin is just giving you their ooinom. Youth pastors and lay youth leaders are notorious for infusing shame and guilt on this issue. No you don’t want to go have sex with some boyfriend and end up pregnant like I did when I was 17. I wish someone would’ve encouraged me to consider that there has to be some alternative to dealing with our natural sexual urges. A cold shower, suffering alone in your room feeling depressed because you couldn’t resist the temptation to masturbate isn’t going to do you any good. God doesn’t see you the way you may think. He made you and He loves you. The messages of basically what amounts to sexual shaming, primarily made up and men and women who have been been brainwashed by certain people in the church don’t make this struggle any easier. You almost can’t even look at anything without feeling guilt
Masturbate honey. There’s nothing wrong with it. enjoy this gift of your sexuality and express it. I’m 46 now and I am free from guilt and shame. I enjoy orgasm and masturbation has become the alternative to a sexless marriage and what has kept me from committing adultery in the past. I need sexual release and being able to masturbate allows me to have the release I need. Get to know your vagina and explore and get to know it.
Toni, thank you for speaking up. There is so much unnecessary shame around sexuality and masturbation, especially for women.
Many people here who are encouraging others to masturbate and feel well with your conscience are directly speak against the Words and Will of the Lord. I am not trying to condemn you but just want to speak the truth.
Just because your conscience does not feel bad when you do that means nothing. That action just shows you are putting your conscience above God’s words and wills rather than trying to seek Him and His true will for your body and life. A murderer could have said the same about how their conscience feels right but does that changes the fact they are still commiting a sin? We can’t based what we think is right or wrong based on our heart, which is said to be the most deceptive by God himself.
By encouraging others to masturbating without guilt, you are simply being used by the enemy without even knowing. Again, I understand that you may honestly believe it is the right thing to do therefore, encourage others to do it without even knowing the enemy is using you. So I am not condemning or villanize you but just wanting to convict you to reflect on this action.
To anyone who said having sexual desire is God’s gift and we should use it. Please remember God has commanded us not to indulge in the flesh and to flee from lust. We were given this sexual organ by God when we were young for a purpose but its only meant for healthy sexual behaviors between us and our spouse in marriage. Even if we have sex with our spouse, think about whether our sexual behaviors are meant for honoring and being fruitful or just for self gratification or gratifying our spouse. Because the gentile go after all different kinds of behaviors and call it sex, anal, s&m, masturbation, oral without any boundary. But as Christ followers, we are born by God and to worship God, not sex. We must have boundaries and be steadfast and honor him with out bodies and even in love making.
I am single and in my mid twenties. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was a teenager and once in a while I still commit it. But that gives me no reason to say it is healthy or good. Even if I were to get married one day and struggle with masturbation again, it will still be a sin and not something I should selfjustify because I am married. Many people in the bible struggled with sins, and the good thing is God has used them to teach us. God is also merciful enough to forgive them. But the thing is, don’t pretend those are not sins. We must first acknowledge it and repent in order to win the war.
When the judgement day comes, we must come face to face with our sins with God. So we should try our best to really understand His words rather than going around it with our own logic. By doing that, we are trying to play our own God, which not only means we worship sex over God but also ourselves over God.
Jnicole,
I am 17 and word for word experiencing the same thing. I feel like every time I give into temptation my dream of becoming a wife and mother gets pushed farther and farther away. I’ve also felt like God MUST be through with me by now and can’t possibly want to keep forgiving me. But always remember that God is not a man. Remember that “when we are faithless, he remains faithful – for he cannot deny himself.” (2 Timothy 2:13) Jesus already paid the price for every time we sin. In the past and future. It helps me to remember that Jesus knows what we are going through when we experience this type of temptation.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15
Jnicole I am praying for you. You sharing your story really encouraged me to know that there are other girls out there who are struggling similarly. I just know that God has wonderful plans for you and I hope you keep your eyes on the prize and never get discouraged running the good race. We can beat this!
You should not have shame. The sex drive is God given and masturbating til married is better than alternatives. When I was your age I felt guilty too then I was married for 20 years and was never an issue but now that I am divorced I can look after myself without guilt. My up bringing also taught me that when married but if no possibility for procreation that sex with my wife was wrong (I would think that most of the anti-sex/masturbation on here think the same way). When I was with my wife with no possibility for procreation I felt very guility. I was told by a 83 yr old former pastor that what we are taught (brainwashed) will instill feelings of guilt.
Hey can you contact me. I would like to speak more on this. Even though you wrote this about a year ago. Can I receive your email. I struggle with the same thing
Thank you Kay!
Masturbation to me and i know for many men and women I have talked to have found it to be a form of self- care and self-love. I am so proud of my 16 yr old son yesterday being able to open up about his sexuality and express his feelings about it to me. He has discovered masturbation as a healthy release and alternative to having sex with other girls and potentially getting them pregnant. He has an informed understanding about his body and need especially at his age to release sperm in order to curb his craving for sex.
I am proud of my 29yr old daughter who also was able to open up to me recently about the joy of masturbation and how it helps her to curb her cravings as well as she navigates the difficult road of singleness. I am proud of my kids making responsible choices and having developed an informed choice to express their sexuality in a healthy and safe manner.
May we enjoy the gift of our sexuality and not walk in shame.
Toni
So, your son is “curbing” his drive to love a girl in purity and selflessly pursue her. He is weakening the potential ultimate fulfillment what God gifted to one male-one female lifelong marital relationships. The drive as well as the function of sex to produce a powerful intimacy can never be experienced in any other human relationship. God’s special design existed before Adam and Eve sinned. It is a gift, not a necessity. Food and water are necessary to maintain life. Battling our human flesh until we leave this life behind forever is also a “promise” and why Jesus commanded us to “take up our cross daily.” If it’s a Cross to bear, then it’s not easy, and it’s not “natural.”
Just like ANY sin – it isn’t the actual action that is the sin. ALL sin, lying to murder – to all sexual things…you’re action are rebelling against GOD!!!! That is the sin!!! Remember David? He was an adulterous, murdered. And he knew his actions were only against God! That is the original sin and still is today. ALL physical things, done outside of marriage, are against what God has told to us. There are consequences and there is forgiveness. But just really stop and be honest. When you have physical things with yourself, what is in your mind? God tells us to think about whatever is good, pure, lovely, to think on there things. Porn and bad images in our heads, if we are honest, they usually are bad things. As for the married people on here, I’m so sorry your spouses are sick and can’t be with you like they could. But isn’t “LOVE” for important than physical needs? God is love!! Physical stuff, is just that. And oh has it be twisted into so much darkness by satan. Can’t the physical acts we exchange for laying next to someone and holding their hand? Rubbing their back? Praying together? As a single person, never married, I have to believe that physical things, just like our looks and strength, will weaken, get old, and fade away. And physical things aren’t even in Heaven? Why rebell against God’s commands? Why sin against HIM? And all for what? I think crying out to Jesus is always the best choice and seeing a good Christian counselor is wise to! What is not wise, is to allow our itching ears to listen to what some of the people have posted here. I have to believe the Bible over these people’s comments saying physical things with yourself is okay. It is not obeying God.
Molly
I appreciate hearing your perspective on this. Can we abstain from sex? Yes that’s possible. Is it realistic? For many it isn’t. Fornication and adultery are clearly sinful actions. However, sexual release is a real need just like our craving for food and water. We in the church hear all the time about married couples having a great sex life, and told not to withhold sex from our spouse, yet not all of us are able to enjoy that with out spouse. I masturbate to get the release i need and when I do i fantasize about my husband, which isn’t lustful or immoral to do. The Catholic Church is a great example of this of prohibiting sex for its priests and nuns. We have seen where that has gotten them. Sex is a natural and necessary release. It is part of our humanity. We can go back and forth on verses on sex. To me it is a liberty issue. If one feels free in their conscience to masturbate then for them it is okay. Vice versa for others.
Holey crap. So anti-Christian!!!! “to all sexual things…you’re action are rebelling against GOD!!!!”
I normally keep my struggles private, but I’m dealing with this situation as well. I just turned 40 and my hormones are all over the place! I’m a christian and I’ve been single for 11 yrs. It’s been so frustrating for me as I’ve gone without sex and masturbation during this time. I thought I was over it until recently when I went out on a date with my ex. We went out for lunch one Sunday and after we hugged and said our goodbyes, all of those feelings came rushing back in, stronger than ever! We didn’t even kiss! Long story short, I admit to masturbating twice over a two month period. I have a strong urge to do it again, but I feel so hurt. I’ve been praying, crying, and talking to a close friend, but the feelings and emotions are so strong. I try not to watch anything that will trigger any thoughts, but I decided to search how to stop masturbation on google and all sorts of pictures popped up. This really fueled the fire! Besides praying and trying my best to keep thoughts out of my mind, I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. I love God so much and I know that He will see me through. I feel better knowing that I’m not alone. Thank you.
Hi Cindy, I really sympathize with your situation. I suggest you try meditating. It is a way to release your tension and stress without feeling like you have failed spiritually. If you like, I can suggest a free online meditation group for you to join. Good luck!
Cindy-
I truly empathize with your situation and my heart goes out to you. I understand the struggle and the pain and how hard it is to deal with our desires and how to reconcile them with our relationship with God. I’ve been there and know what it is like to struggle with hormones and emotions and the craving for intimacy. Just to be held and to be told I am beautiful when I don’t feel that way about myself at times. Our sex drive is a very powerful one to say the least and many things can and do trigger it. I am married but my husband is not able to have intercourse with me. I suffered for a while not being able to be pleasured sexually by him. I prayed and prayed about it but the desire didn’t go away. I have always had a high libido which my Dr said was not due to any abnormalities via hormone imbalance, etc. I am just a woman who gets horny and enjoys orgasm and the pleasure of being with my man sexually and being able to give him pleasure. I discovered masturbation as a healthy alternative which has helped me to have the sexual release I know I need. I fantasize about my husband. I think about him penetrating me and making me cum.
Through sex therapy with a Christian counselor recently my husband had regained some of his confidence to where he is willing and able now to give me oral sex which i enjoy and my orgasm has elevated to another level now. I am also able to express emotion I didn’t know was in me but it is amazing. I still masturbate, which I feel free in my conscience to do so and my husband is fine with it.
My encouragement to you is this: don’t struggle and suffer honey. Masturbation can be a good thing for you if you will let yourself go and allow yourself to enjoy it and express yourself through it. It is a matter of conscience in my opinion, but also a necessary thing in order to keep your from fornication or adultery. Orgasmic release is an important part of not only our sexual health, but mental and emotional as well. I would say that nothing can separate you from God’s love. Nothing. We are all fallen and in need of God’s grace. Is masturbation the be all end all? Absolutely not! But to suffer and to punish yourself with guilt isn’t healthy either. Try masturbating more and see if you start to feel more comfortable. Consider buying a vibrator and experiment a little to see if you feel comfortable. You don’t have to look at porn. Just focus on giving yourself pleasure and think about calming images from nature or play soft music.
Toni,
It sounds like you and your husband have persevered in a really wonderful way through some difficult challenges. It’s wonderful to hear a story like that. Thank you so much for sharing these words of hope. Thank you so much for speaking up in support of women’s pleasure and sexual health.
Peace,
Kay
Toni,
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I felt so relieved after reading your post. I truly believe that GOD will help me through this until HE sends my mate. Thank you again.
You are applying, throughout this comments section, your personal experience to the circumstances and choices other people have, while claiming to be freeing people. I get a sense that you are fighting the conviction that you are using this website to lead others into sin as justification for your personal choices. We do not discern whether or not a behavior or a temptation is “sin” based on personal experience or the finite knowledge of humans who take pride in their wordly “knowledge” rather than in the knowledge of God. If any “scientific” discovery does not line up with God’s holy character then that is plumbline proving it is man’s “truth” not God’s truth. If something “feels” right to you then it also does not prove for all humans everywhere for all time that it is “right.” As in, “righteous.”
Hi Kay!
Yes I strongly believe in empowering women to access and learn how to take ownership of their bodies and gaining the freedom of expressing their sexuality openly and freely. It’s about taking ownership of our orgasm and ridding ourselves of shame and guilt and expressing and enjoying the pleasure we feel in a context of joy and acceptance. Some would say that this is hedonistic or self worship. Yes it can become that if one is not careful, absolutely. But the answer also isn’t repression and shame. We are sexual beings and why would our clitoris be jammed full of nerve endings if not for the joy of orgasmic release. Of course I wish my husband could fulfill this all the time.
I have found masturbation to be a form of healthy sexual expression as well as a form of self-care.
For those who are living in shame and repression and suffering in silence I say stop doing this to yourself. Give yourself permission to love yourself. It’s okay to enjoy sex. God gave us this gift. Why not enjoy it.
My husband is limited but he’s made strides to become more sexually active with me, via oral sex on me. This is still sex. I masturbate in front of him and he enjoys watching me. I enjoy being able to cum for him. With the help of our sex therapist he has learned how to message my prostate and enable me to ejaculate. It is one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever felt. It’s mind blowing! And my husband gives this to me.
For those those who are single and waiting and wanting to be pure. I encourage you to stay strong but don’t force yourself to suffer. Give your body what it needs. Get to know your vagina. Get to know your clitoris. Experiment and get to know what feels good for you. Allow yourself to experience and enjoy orgasm. Don’t see masturbation as a sin but rather as an alternative to staying sexually pure.
Your sister
Toni
Cindy
You are so welcome honey. Don’t be ashamed of your sexuality. Get back to me and let me know how you are doing with this. I am excited for what God has for you and your future mate.
As far as masturbation I would encourage you to explore your vagina and feel around. Touch your clitoris and get to know it. Enjoy it and don’t be ashamed to express the pleasure you feel. Whether once a week or twice or however you feel you need to or want to. When you orgasm you release toxins and stress and chemicals that help your overall well being. Let yourself go and let your orgasm come naturally. Let it out and enjoy the energy that flows through it.
Your sister
Toni
Romans 14:22-23 Modern English Version (MEV)
22 The faith that you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because it is not from faith, for whatever is not from faith is sin.
I believe that the application of this passage and fits the issue of masturbation. If you can masturbate with the faith that God himself has let you discover your own body and is perfectly ok with it then you will not stand condemn on the day of accounting. But if you don’t have faith and masturbate then this passage says that you will condemn yourself.
Andrew-
Thank you for your perspective. I do believe that this is about our conscience as it relates to our liberty in Christ. I used to struggle with guilt and shame when I masturbated. I am now at a place where I no longer feel those things as I now see masturbation as a healthy release and form of self-care for me. I don’t struggle with lust. I just need sexual release. My husband is able to give me limited help in this area and has given me his blessing to masturbate. When I orgasm it helps regulate my mood and anxiety. I have medical diagnosis for both. I am and good shape at 46 and take care of my body’s needs elsewhere through exercise and other activities. I have a high libido and it runs in my family with the women. We all talk about it and share a common struggle to manage it. Masturbation has become a gift for me and helps me live my life in a healthful and positive way.
I think there is a lot of negativity and presumption around masturbation in the Christian community. I don’t see it as something someone is going to be condemned for by God at the judgment seat of Christ. We aren’t going to be condemned for anything there. It’s about our rewards. Our sins have all been paid for on the cross. No one will stand condemned as a non- believer at the Great White Throne for masturbating LOL.
Andrew get back to me and tell me about your masturbation story. I’d like to hear more about how you have processed it for yourself.
I am a masturbating Christian and I am free. I love God. I love my husband. I love my body. And I love my orgasm. Let’s express grace, love, truth, and understanding towards each other.
For the women out there. Let’s talk about our orgasm and the joy and freedom masturbation can give us.
Toni
Thanks for this article. Lots of good stuff.
I have to admit. I find it pretty annoying that the article on this website (different author) on the same topic but toward a male audience, gives the option for men to consider a 3rd option or 3rd category for masturbation by opening up the question, if masturbation without lustful fantasizing or pornogrphy is possible (https://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/01/14/masturbate-without-lusting/). It opens up this rare possibility for men and kind of excuses it on this basis but this article for women does not open up that opportunity. I understand these are 2 different authors but I think the double standard here is still obvious.
Although, I do appreciate the open thoughts and conversation about this in a Christian context, I have to admit this discovery is very disheartening.
Christians, do you think the Church (the people, and maybe the institution an it’s ministries) have a double standard for men and women when it comes to sex (including masturbation)?
CJ
There seems to be a double standard. God created us to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure. Our vagina and our clitoris were designed for orgasmic joy. And I do believe that masturbation is permissible within the freedom of our conscience, and to be a way for our sexual needs to be met when our spouses are not able to be sexually active with us. I masturbate without lust and I know of many other married women who do so as well. My orgasm isn’t my husband’s responsibility. I used to look to him do that but i have taken ownership of it for myself now and am happier than ever. He still gives me orgasms that i love, but what i am saying is I can give myself them too and am not solely reliant on him to give me that release. I am 47 with a healthy libido and I love sexual pleasure more than ever. I think us women need to encourage one another and support each other and just be open about this and move away from shame and guilt and embrace our sexuality and enjoy the freedom we have to express our sexuality in a healthy way.
Toni
Thank you Toni! It’s so past time for our sexuality to be a source of pleasure, as intended, rather than a source of shame.
God did not create Eve to live in the garden by herself. Is there any reason to believe God also created a full-grown Adam without all of his parts and nerves? I think not, based on how he responded to his first sight of Eve. Do we know how long Adam lived before God gifted him with Eve?
Do you think Jesus also had a typical male body? I may be opening up another can of worms here by mentioning it, but do you think Jesus could have lived “without sin” and in fidelity to his future Bride (his followers) if he lacked the self-control against even one thing at one time his human flesh might have craved? He did have to eat, and he did have to drink water. Has anyone ever died from not feeling orgasm? Would Jesus have demonstrated his selfless love and brought God glory if he ever took a moment to indulge in self-centered desires? How would it affect our understanding of purity if we thought a single choice of Jesus in the scriptures showed a fleshly, unholy choice?
Also, these body parts and nerve-endings are temporary. They are tools to drive us into fulfilling God’s purpose for this age. Many things will no longer exist in eternity, such as marrying each other. Learning obedience – the proof of our love for Jesus and for others, and keeping him in his position of honor and others as higher than ourselves – is what this lifetime is for. We cannot love God with all of our minds, strength, and hearts, if we raise any human speculation above the knowledge of God.
I have struggled with this as a young women since I was 14. I am now 23, and I relate to everything written. There is just so much shame attached to females in this context, I know it is the enemy trying to silence us, and keep things hidden, but I will stand for it no longer. I have been on my knees in prayer, and I honestly don’t masturbate that often, but when I do I’m devastated. So, does anyone happen to know of any female accountability groups? Thanks again for posting this. More women should feel comfortable to stand up for this! Amen and thank you again.
Hi Lenora!
Living on Purpose by Crystal Renaud is a great place to start for female support groups, as is Pure Desire Ministries! I would encourage you to check both of those out and get plugged into a support/accountability group, even if it is just online!
Blessings,
Moriah
I just feel so guilty of this act. I was a new convert yet I masturbate each time I cry I feel guilty of being in a gathering of brethren. I feel am the worst sinner. What a life… What if I die now where will I find myself.. in hell? Who would ever educate me and disciple me on this. It has become a big problem to me and I am alone in the dark.
Anurika,
You are no worse of a sinner than the rest of this world. We ALL sin; it is our human nature. But, in Christ, we find beautiful forgiveness and freedom! In both good and bad, pray without ceasing. Spend time reading the Bible, and seek out other Christians to walk this journey with you. Do not give up the fight!
I am praying for you. You are strong in Jesus!
Moriah
Hi, I’m 43 and struggling. I honestly went about 15 or more years without masturbating. At the age of 23 I decided to stop dating for a while and focus on walking one with the Lord. I was delivered of masterbation and lust. I actually don’t remember the first time I masturbated as a child and I remember masturbating at 4 and 5 while in school. After I was delivered I had a few dreams at night while sleeping or temptations at times but never masturbated. When I reached about 38 I guess my hormones were spiked somehow and it bothered me til I finally gave in once at 39. I felt so guilty for giving in because I felt like I was backslidden or something. Then when I was 40 my life circumstances changed and I had to move and was depressed and gave in again. I was struggling with my relationship with the Lord trying to seek Him and get myself back in line with Him. Felt really guilty about someone passing away and I just didnt want to live anymore, although I didnt want to die because I was scared to. I guess I’m saying a lot more maybe than I need to so I’m just going to shorten it to this. What if you masturbate without sexual lust thoughts? I mean the reason I’m at this sight is because I just did a search after feeling bad because I had told the Lord at New Years that I was not going to masturbate again. I’ve given in twice now, this last time I gave in not because I was thinking any sexual thoughts, but because I just had a sudden desire while I was listening to something Christian and it seemed to help me be clearer minded, like it helped me to focus on the moment, but I feel bad that I did this although I really don’t feel like there were lustful thoughts or anything that was sexually sinful
Hi, I am a 21 year old girl, missionary, I love the Lord and want to live for Gods kingdom and glory in all areas of my life. When I was about 12 years old, I got exposed to pornography and I quickly became addicted to it, and didnt get delivered from until I was 19. When I was about 17 I dicsovered a new level masturbation and I was able to orgasm. Sadly pornography and masturbation together became an even stronger addition, something I was not talking to anyone about, but feeling a lot of guilt and shame about.
I remember guys opening up about these struggles, but it felt like no girl had the same struggle as I did. It was not until two years ago I really discovered how much of a lie that was. Sexual purity really is a human challenge and often a problem we all face.
God has been doing amazing things in me, especially the past year, where I slowly but surely started opening up about my struggles, and the shame and guilt started to disappear. Now I am able to talk about these past and current struggles with my mom, friends and boyfriend. Which is a miracle in itself, cause I never thought I ever would be able to. All glory to God! He is so gracious and so patient with us!
My situation now, is that I still have a need to masturbate, but I feel a bit lost in what is right and not. Like for real. There are so many different opinions about this topic. The Lord is telling me that it is only Him I can truly trust and be led by when it comes to topics like this.
This bible verse really spoke to me and I feel like this is the season I am currently in;
22 The faith that you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because it is not from faith, for whatever is not from faith is sin.
I have for almost a year now, been inviting God into this, to be able masturbate in a healthy, God honoring way. (If that is even possible or right, hah, I am genuinely not sure)
There have been times where I prayed about it, did it, felt good and the day went by and I felt peace about it.
Other times, my heart was not in the right place and masturbating was more about distracting myself, fulfilling a void or make me feel better – every time I did that I would feel weak, sad, annoyed, or unsatisfied.
I am learning more and more to recognize when it is good for me to do or not. When do I “want this” and when do I “need this”.
From that here comes a new struggle;
About 2months ago I met the love of my life. I met my best friend, and he is such a blessings already in my life. God has shown many times that us being together is his will, and he is leading us together. For now, due to the corona virus, we are doing LONG DISTANCE.
Getting to know each other more and more we both have a background of addiction to pornography and masturbation where it was not good. And we are both very sensitive peopel and have a very high sex drive. We are able to talk about it openly and lovingly, not making the other person feel bad or anything like that. But the more we talk and get closer, I get easily caught up in fantasizing about him both when I masturbate (done it about 5 times in the spectrum of 3 months), and just in general when I think about him. And he is also doing the same. We both struggle with knowing what is right or not, and also knowing when we just WANT to feel good, and when do we NEED that release.
We really want to honor God, and each other in this season of life before marriage. And so maybe even masturbating in a healthy way for us can become something good in order for us to stay pure together. I dont know, let me know your thoughts.
Does anyone have any tips/advise/experience on how we can get through this, walk in our purity together in gods way?
I have been thinking about surrendering masturbating for a period until I know my mind is more healthy towards it, but I am not sure what is best?
How can I honor God, him, and myself?
Reading all your people thoughts and testimonies has already blessed me a lot, and I am proud to see so many people step out and be so honest and open about your freedom, wanting to help others to freedom too!
God bless you all! I will pray for you and your sitaution!
Ingrid
Hi Ingrid!
My name is Sydney and I want to be a missionary one day! And I have been in a similar situation to you. I am currently taking a break with my recently saved boyfriend. We were open and honest and not judgy too. But it also led me to think about sex with him even more. It’s sometimes not helpful to tell your significant other about how you struggle lusting about them, because it can definitely turn him on, and you on if you hear he thinks about you in that way. It’s best to confide in female friends who love the lord and understand your struggle and who won’t judge you. Another thing I wanted to talk about is my experience. I have tried the whole “masturbating and not lusting game” and it NEVER works for me. I have to think of a guy, and the guy I care for. So it ends up being me using him in my mind to get self satisfaction when he’s not even there and isn’t perfect. In masturbating, I have made him a sex king in my mind. Men are not perfect and there’s a learning curve to sex. So it’s unfair for me to put this impossible standard on him or any other guy. Masturbation isn’t just about lust, it’s about an orgasm you’re experiencing by yourself. This was a gift from the Lord for married people, and when we experience this alone it can become the center of our thoughts, a coping mechanism, a bridge to selfishness, and a wrecker of relationships- in my experience. Christ has completely forgiven me for every sin because I accepted his sacrifice which took the wrath of God. If you know Christ, the same is true for you and he has promised to never leave you. Submit yourself to him and truly ask him if a “need” you’re trying to fulfill is what he needs and wants for you right now. Even though I was completely loved as a child of God, even when I was sinning (because of Christ), I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and the peace of God as I continued to repent over and over again. Never give up. It’s an endless battle. Either with lust or for me my anger. We have an endless stream of living water from the Holy Spirit living within us. Don’t give up sister!
Ingrid, I have for you this bible verse.
Song of Solomon, Chapter 5.
Vs 2.
I slept, but my heart was awake.
Listen! my beloved is knocking.
Vs 5.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
upon the handles of the bolt.
(It is about him in between those verses.)
Something else you need to know about this girl in chapter 5.
Who is she?
Chap 1:8 “fairest among women,”
Chap 4:7 ‘You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.’
Chap 5:2 “flawless”
Chap 5:9 “O fairest among women”
Chapter 6:11 identifies her as a Shulammite. The meaning of the name is “From the verb שלם (shalem), to be or make whole or complete” – getting out of bed with her hand dripping with ‘myrrh’ – she was masturbating herself.
It means purity includes being about to masturbate oneself.
Ingrid, it is clear that masturbation is in God’s plan for women – it has it’s place in sexual purity. The guilt and shame is misplaced. Enjoy yourself.
Remember when you masturbate with the image of your spouse in mind, you are still trying to just sexually gratify yourself. You are not performing love making to anyone. Love is more than just sexual behaviors. It’s a one person show with one person’s consent with two people’s images.
I disagree with some of these views. Rather black and white or all or nothing viewpoints. Rigid and legalistic. The church has done a poor job at understanding mental health and it’s affects on a person. Sexual addiction isn’t just a spiritual issue. It’s a behavioral issue that likely needs counseling and medicine. Masturbation is hardly the unpardonable sin. How is it wrong for a spouse to masturbate while fantasizing about their wife or husband, especially if one of the persons isn’t able to have intercourse anymore? Does this mean oral sex is wrong too. Is missionary the only acceptable or permissible position by the way? Should I call ole’ Sally up and meet for coffee and talk about how to purge the evil from among us and read another Kay Arthur book? Let’s just go ahead and cut off our clitoris so we wont sin then. Come on ladies!
I’m a 25 yr female and found masturbation at age 13, it was fun at first but soon realized how bad it was and tried to quit but was hooked..had the moments of saying I’m done with you masturbation and will live for God from now on, marked a calendar for each successful day, but would eventually stumble upon a trigger that I figured Satan wanted me to find and would be compelled to do it again..it’s as if the habit forcibly married me at the altar and I keep telling it that it’s over but it keeps me as it’s partner..I feel foolish for falling into this trap thinking it was great, I want to be perfect for the Lord, but i’m bound to this disgusting habit
Jess,
Praise God that you have a true desire to find freedom from this! The trap of addiction is easy to fall into—for all of us—and you are not alone. Do you have a trusted friend or mentor whom you can share this struggle with? Having someone walk alongside you through recovery can be a huge encouragement and help.
No journey to freedom is perfect. We all will stumble and even relapse. Continue clinging to God and know that though not one of us is perfect, we serve a Savior who loves us and accepts us as his children.
John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
Blessings,
Moriah
Moriah Bowman,
I haven’t tried to share the journey/struggle yet, its hard to admit having such a vice, i feel i should have the strength to stop this on my own for good but yet here i am
Jess,
It can be difficult to muster the strength to share your journey/struggle with someone else, so do not feel guilty about that! If you aren’t ready to share it with someone yet, continue praying and spending time in Scripture. I am a firm believer that God can and will help us overcome our trials.
Praying for you!
Moriah
Moriah I masturbate daily and want to be free. I’m 26 and I love the feeling of orgasm. It is overpowering for me and I can’t stop wanting it like it’s a drug. What I struggle with too is masturbation has helped me actually express my emotions more freely. I am able to experience this rush of pleasure and I can’t stop wanting it.
Jessie,
Thank you for sharing your honesty and desire to change. Do you have a close friend or mentor whom you can reach out to and share your struggle with? Have an Ally to walk alongside you into recovery can be incredibly helpful.
Another tip is to make a list of activities that you can turn to when feeling tempted. For example, when you feel tempted to masturbate, instead go for a walk, call a friend, or move to a public space where you cannot masturbate.
I believe in you! The freedom is worth the fight.
Blessings,
Moriah
Moriah
Thank you for your advice. I’m working on trying to masturbate less. Like not every single day. When I do I orgasm rather easily but feel good physically the rest of the day. It helps to relax me. I struggle with anxiety too. That feeds my impulse to do it. I’ll try your advice though
What helps you? How do you deal with it? What do you do when you give into it?
Jessie,
I apologize if I didn’t make it clear, but I do not struggle with this. However, as the Covenant Eyes blog manager, I read a lot of comments and stories from women who do.
That being said, I would encourage you to read the other comments on this post from women who have also struggled with masturbation. For most addictions in general, being able to identify your triggers and redirect yourself when you are tempted is a huge part of recovery.
Blessings,
Moriah
Moriah
Thank you. I reached out to a therapist and am going to get help with this. I’ll be okay. I’m able to function just fine with the rest of my life. This is a private struggle. I work out and lead a healthy life otherwise. I know I don’t have the gift of singleness for sure and I don’t believe i have an addiction. Just a habit that i need to redirect myself away from. Thank you for this blog and the work you are doing. I’m going to get through this. We all fall short in areas of holiness. I know people who have a Starbucks addiction but no one seems to say much about that. Addiction to sports or anything else for that matter. We all struggle with something but it doesn’t mean it’s an addiction. Priorities are important for sure and how we manage our time. I’m going to figure out how to manage this and get on top of it. In the meantime I’m going to start looking for a husband.
Hi Moriah, I found masturbation at an early age. It’s hard to quit because it’s so easy….i thought if I showed my friend it, that he could help me stop it, but now he’s hooked..if I’m not going after porn then is it still sinful?
Hi Ashley,
I think this quote from the blog captures my thoughts on masturbation perfectly: “Although the Bible never addresses masturbation directly, it addresses sexual immorality and lust many times. Lustful thoughts are toxic to our mind and heart.”
If masturbation is causing you to think lustfully or turn to sexual immorality, then I would definitely say it is sinful. If not, I think that the lines are not drawn clearly, at least in biblical terms. I would advise you to avoid talking to your male friend(s) about this. Like you have observed, it can cause them to have lustful thoughts and even turn to masturbation themselves. Is there an older woman or mentor whom you can turn to and ask for guidance and accountability?
I hope this answers your question!
Blessings,
Moriah
I struggle with some of the mentality expressed in “the church.” We have formed mechanisms to deal with problems. Accountability. While it may be well intended all it has amounted for me is a confessional booth of owning up to my latest blunders and inability to keep the rules. And all it has done is create shame and the feeling that I’ll never get it right.Isn’t. Satan our accuser? He has nothing but time on his hands to grab us by our back collar and drag us through the mud and get in our face everyday pointing out every sin we’ve committed and tell us we’ll never get it right and that God is unhappy with us. Thanks be to God for Romans 8:1. I am Romans 7 but am thankful that 8:1 tells me God isn’t disappointed in me and has removed my shame from me. Why can’t we live in this freedom? God has already given it to us.
Next, I hear all the time about spiritual disciplines. So am I to stand at attention and salute God like he’s my commanding officer and ask him what his orders are for the day? How is it that we seem to order our lives like our relationship with God is some duty rather than a relationship to be enjoyed? We don’t consider our spouse and kids to be a discipline to keep up on do we? Isn’t it about a desire that drives us to a commitment to connect and be a part and share our lives with each other? And that out of this we form the discipline to manage and cultivate via priorities?
We seem to categorize sin in ways where we rank them. Or we classify some sin as addiction while others we don’t. All sin is sin. Albeit some of the consequence differ. I know a Christian therapist who admits she struggles with profanity. I struggle with masturbation. My friend can’t drink enough coffee in a day. My brother probably watches too much tv. But then we are glued to the Food network or some talk show where everyone wants to express their opinion. Social media is a straight up addiction for a lot of people if we are honest. How is it that some of these behaviors are socially acceptable but because I enjoy giving myself an occasional orgasm I need an accountability partner to stop this behavior? All you instagram addicts out there…better go get an accountability partner. We have created this rule keeping system that does nothing but set us up for shame, guilt, and regret. We are flesh. We live in a world that is evil and belongs to the devil. Is it not God’s grace that gives us hope? I’m not saying we don’t have friends and mentors to talk to and share our struggles with. I have done this and found some of it to be helpful. But at the end of the day we each have to cultivate our relationship with God. It isn’t about keeping the rules. It is about as I draw closer to God and allow him to be my first love that we are able to grow in his grace and knowledge. Yes our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and we are called to be holy. Absolutely! But we are never going to get it right all the time. God understands that and isn’t standing over us waiting to chop us up when we do fail. It is about a love relationship. In Christ I am accepted and loved because of his work on the Cross. End of story! And thanks be to God that he is our resurrection and life. Our living hope! God wants us to walk in freedom. I want that but my flesh gets in the way. Romans 7. Remember 8:1 though. So yes, we will struggle but God is for us and we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Masturbation is fine and there is no God. It makes me so angry that the Bible and other religions have poisoned so many minds and made people feel guilty, weak, and ashamed for their own human biology.
If I believed in sin, one of the greatest would be indoctrinating a child to hate themselves and their own feelings by threatening eternal torture upon them if they don’t act like little worshipping robots. Like, who could look a child in the eye and threaten them with torture? Especially if all they’ve done is masturbated which is normal and healthy.
Shaming children for masturbating leads to poor mental health and a damaged sex life in the future.
Also, you stated that you can’t worship God and serve yourself at the same time. I say, so what? Does your God really need his ego stroked every minute of every day? If so, then what a narcissist, don’t you think?
Why exactly did you even read this article if you don’t believe in God? Were you bored?
Thank you for your honesty. I have been struggling with masturbation for years and I also pray and can go without it. Then I am tempted again. Please pray for my freedom and deliverance. Also if anyone has recommendations for Christian therapist or groups o would appreciate it.
Hi Toni!
I have two suggestions for you:
1. Find a therapist here.
2. Check out this blog post, which I believe applies equally to both porn and masturbation addictions—specific to women!
Blessings!
Moriah
Bunch of weirdos in this comment section. We are truly living in the last days. Right will be wrong, wrong will be right. God destroyed Sodom and Gamora for many reasons, and sexual immorality was one of them. You can’t sit around knowing that the feeling of wanting to do this, is lustful in itself. It’s a way to justify your sin. God didn’t die on that cross for us to sit here acting like we don’t need his forgiveness simply because we “want to feel good.” I encourage every young woman to read the Bible for themselves, and pray to God about your struggles and not listen to people who are blatantly saying that sexual immorality isn’t wrong. I can’t wait to begin my “Breaking free from the chains of pornography and masturbation” conference soon. So many young woman confused and led astray.
Thank for sharing your honest story only God will blessed you I love you bye I too also face that challenge pray for me please
Which steps should I take
Hi Ezekiel?
Are you wondering what steps to take to quit porn? If so, I would recommend you start with this blog post!
Blessings,
Moriah
“Lust is not a guy problem–it’s a human problem.”
No, lust is not a problem by itself; it’s a normal human and in fact even healthy experience.
It`s people with their attitudes that make a problem out of it.
From birth, I have been brought up surrounded by the Word of God and careful study of it. Something I craved before I was old enough to crave sexual pleasure. Thanks be to God, for I was sexually abused in early childhood. I have also experienced a great deal of life in isolation. I’m 47 and I’ve never had a shared, as in consensual (which requires two adults), sexual experience due to never having married a man (so far!). I discovered orgasm around age 20, by accident while fantasizing about two different people – one male, one female. Not my first fantasizing, which started many years earlier – but my first orgasm.
I will not tell you my whole life story – at least not in this comment! – but I just wanted to say that I have come back again and again to the conviction that masturbation comes from a place of self-centeredness or other dark places. I can’t believe that it’s ever something that can bring light to darkness. Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light, Jesus said.
I have read and understand from experience that every time you masturbate, you are weakened against stopping yourself from doing it again. The longer you go without it, the longer you run away from it, the stronger your body will naturally be against it. The more you indulge, the stronger your flesh desires it again. The same is true of sex in any context – premarital and also marital. The more you have sex with your husband, connecting as God designed our bodies, the more you both will desire each other in that bond – theoretically for me! My friend told me about this with her husband, whose struggles with emotional disconnection (also not part of giving God glory) were helped by their consensual project to “have sex in a new position EVERY DAY for one week.”
Sexual pleasure in any setting has an emotional connection. When I indulge, the pattern is most often that I’m feeling extra lonely. Not necessarily for a husband, but I long for an intimate friend. I have had very few opportunities, especially as I’ve grown older and friends marry and have children, or they move away. When I find myself loving a friend, wishing for a connection with them the way I IMAGINE they have with others or with their husband, I have an inappropriate sexual connection to the feeling of love as a result of being abused. I have an extra measure of loneliness in fantasizing about utterly unavailable experiences.
So, I have learned that my loneliness leads me to masturbation, as a substitute for the emotional or intimate connection I desire. I can “feel” it in my fantasy. But it is not real nor is it realistic. I will never have a perfect fulfillment of my fantasies and desires, even if I marry a man who is my best friend. I may get to live with a best friend, as I dream of, as I covet in others (another sin). But then other consequences of his flesh, my flesh, the world, and so forth, will compete against a pure and satisfying intimacy. So I will still have the same loneliness problem to deal with. It is a battle against my natural tendency to be self-centered. I suspect I am not alone in this.
I find comfort in knowing Jesus had his human flesh to contend with, yet he never sinned (Hebrews 4).
This is wrong on so many levels. we are created from sexual energy. To block it is to deny God. I grew up christian. I have an illness that im healing through tantra and connecting with myself intimately. It is helping me heal to heal the sexual shame that i was conditioned to believe is true through religion. It is not a sin to touch yourself, your body is not shameful for desiring pleasure. God wants us to have pleasure. The bible was rewritten and translated to fit a patriarchal paradigm. To opress you. To opress the feminine. God never wanted that, that was the men trying to gain power and manipulate the masses. Dont you think feeling shame is more of a sin then feeling pleasure? Feeling shame about something God creates of you?? The problem is that when people are told sex is bad they dont know how to make boundaries for themselves, and can end up attracting horrible sexual experiences from that. Consent is a huge part of that. Pleasure with intentional love and lust are different. Please if you feel like masterbation is a sin because you’re worshipping yourself, just remember God created you. And to love and nurture your needs is actually an act of love.