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Women and Masturbation: Talking About It Openly (Part 2)

Last Updated: July 10, 2017

Strategies for defeating lust and masturbation

This is the second half of a two-part series on the topic of women and masturbation. If you missed my first post, I highly recommend reading it before you read this one. In the first post, I shared about my journey to finding freedom from this struggle as well as three reasons masturbation is problematic for Christian women. You can read the first post here.

Understanding the damaging effects of lust and masturbation in our lives is only the first half of the equation. The second half is actually doing something about it. Old habits die hard, and sin’s grip is tight. Breaking free from a habitual sin isn’t easy, but it can be done. With the power of Christ on our side, we can be more than conquerors in this area (Rom. 8:37).

6 Strategies for Defeating Lust and Masturbation

In this post I want to give you six practical strategies that helped me overcome lust and masturbation in my life, and will hopefully help you overcome these struggles too.

Confess to God and Tell Someone

The biggest problem with our sin isn’t that we feel sad and guilty about it–it’s that we’re sinning against a perfect and holy God. We are ignoring Christ’s death on the cross and rebelliously choosing to be obey our flesh. The first step to finding freedom from any sin is to humbly confess it to God.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

The next step is to confess your struggle to your spouse, or a godly Christian woman. During my teen years when I struggled with masturbation, I chose to confess my struggle to my parents. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. But through that confession, I found an abundance of freedom and peace. Be willing to humble yourself and share your struggle with someone.

Choose to Fight the Battle

So often we struggle day in and day out with a certain sin because we’re not choosing to aggressively battle against it. In our minds we say, “I hate this, I want to defeat this!” but then we do very little to actually defeat the sin.

Galatians 5:17 says, “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”

Our flesh is weak and craves what is contrary to righteousness. Therefore, we have to actively battle against our flesh in order to conquer our sin. The rest of the strategies on this list will show you how to go to battle.

Memorize the Word Daily

God’s Word has power. If we want to overcome our sin, we must be faithful to fill our minds with His truth. As we resist the desires of our flesh and the seduction of this world, we must saturate our minds with God’s truth.

Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

God’s Word has the power to convict us of sin, and to remind us of the hope we have in Christ. If we’re not actively filling our minds with truth, we will default to believing lies. Whenever you feel the temptation coming on, redirect your thoughts to some key passages that you’ve memorized. Here are some great verses to start with: Psalm 19:14, Psalm 51:10, James 4:7, 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Pray, Pray, and Pray Some More

You are not alone in your fight. You have a loving heavenly Father who cares for you and wants to hear from you. Talk to Him through prayer. Confess your sins, cry out to Him for strength, and praise His holy name. Be intentional to start every day off with prayer.

Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. We cannot conquer sin on our own, so cry out to our powerful God who has conquered sin and death. Pray when you wake up, pray throughout your day, and pray before you go to bed.

Get an Accountability Partner

Confessing your struggle to someone is a great first step, but don’t stop there. Since the flesh is weak, it is extremely helpful to have someone hold you accountable on a weekly basis. Don’t fight this battle alone. Find someone to talk to. As hard as it may be, humble yourself and ask a godly woman to hold you accountable in this area. Ask her to follow up with you on a regular basis (via text, email, phone call, or in person) and ask how you’re doing.

James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

Have your accountability partner pray with you and for you throughout the week. This is a huge step (and one many people neglect) in finding freedom from ongoing sin.

Ditch Unhealthy Entertainment

Since sexualized media is so widely accepted (porn, erotica, etc.), we often fill our minds with endless garbage and wonder why our thoughts stray. Filling our minds with scenes containing passionate sexual acts, partial nudity, and sensual actions isn’t going to help us win the battle against lust.

Romans 13:14 commands us to, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

Make no provision. I want to encourage you to examine your media intake and intentionally ditch anything that is making a provision for your flesh. Choose to throw it away and instead fill your mind with God honoring content.

I pray this strategy plan is helpful for you as you fight the battle against lust in your life.

In addition to the six action steps above, I also encourage you to grab a copy of Josh Harris’ little book titled, Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is. This book was–hands down–the most helpful tool God used to help me gain freedom from masturbation.

May God give you the wisdom, strength, and courage to take serious steps toward freedom today. And may your life be another testimony of God’s power, grace, and freedom from sin.

  1. Daphne

    I’m 17 and I’ve been struggling with lust since I was 13. I was exposed to audio pornography at that age, and I quickly became addicted to it. I wasn’t very religious at the time, so I went down a rabbit hole of audio porn, actual porn, erotic literature, sexual music, etc. I never actually masturbated until I was 16- around the beginning of this year. Ever since, I was heavily addicted to it- it was a daily activity. I’ve had my testimony fairly recently- I just felt a calling to read my Bible and listen to some Christian music- and ever since I’ve had this tug on my soul to devote myself to God, or at least become a more godly woman.
    I’ve been trying to give up this addiction for only a few weeks and I feel like it’s almost impossible. I’ve always been very boy-crazy, and lust has always been a huge part of my psyche. I know it’s a long journey, but I’m starting to feel very discouraged. I told my mom about my experience with masturbation (she wasn’t very supportive and even said masturbation isn’t a sin, and it left me feeling more awkward than relieved). I’ve only given in to my desires a few times since I quit, which is a huge win considering I’d do it everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. But whenever I give in, I feel so guilty afterwards, and I go to pray for forgiveness but I feel like God doesn’t even want to talk to me after this. I know a lot of people say He wants to talk to me even after my sun because He loves me regardless, but I honestly feel like even God is so disappointed that He’s giving up on me too? Does this make sense to anyone else or does anyone have any advice?

    Sorry I made this so long. Thank you in advance to anyone who may have some advice for me, and to any sisters who are reading this and experiencing the same struggle, I pray God strengthens us both :)

    • Keith Rose

      Hello, thanks for sharing your comment. Here are a couple more articles you may find helpful (all written by women who have shared the same struggles):

      https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/07/29/not-alone/
      https://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/06/25/how-do-i-kick-masturbation-addiction/
      https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/10/04/no-more/

      We also have some courses written by women for women in our free Victory app: https://victory.covenanteyes.com/. We have worked a lot with Crystal Renaud-Day, who has a ministry called SheRecovery where she helps women who are struggle with sexual issues: https://sherecovery.com/

      I hope this helps!

      Blessings,

      Keith

    • Princess

      Hey Daphne! I am struggling with the same thing, and so seeing your comment was a relief from me. I’ve always had a high libido from a young age, and was exposed to porn when I was small. I used to watch porn videos and feel good, but I never masturbated. I started masturbating when I turned 12, and it became worse at 13. I also didn’t know Christ at the time, until last year. For about a year I never masturbated as we moved away and the environment I was in was very focused on Christ. As I came back a few months ago, I relapsed, after being delivered from this spirit. I feel so ashamed and upset, but I will continue to fight. God still unconditionally loves us, and He won’t give up on us, so we shouldn’t give up on ourselves. Every person has their own battles they are fighting in this Christian journey. I wish you all the best. Remember, we are more than conquerors! (Romans 8:37)

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