Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation. However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not directly condone or condemn masturbation—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
Related: Can you masturbate without lusting?
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
See: How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
Related: 19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe it is our chief purpose to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
Wow! God is great! Even up to this point i haven’t masturbated. Whenever i feel little urge and i pray, i feel completely normal and i also get strength. Wow! Prayer is my key.
pls pls pls help me
i masturbate once in a 2 days . i feels very ashamed after doing it . Every time i make promise to myself and again i broke it..
how can i quit masturbation.
or is it un forgiven sin???
Dont give up. Provided you have a made up mind to quit God is not only for you, in support of you, but also the supplier of the strenght you need
I masturbated through lust, and i broke free mainly with romans 8:20 and philippians 4:13.
Ride on luke!
This is an important subject and I’m grateful for finding this blog filled as it is with transparency, vulnerability, honesty and a desire to honour God and Truth. Here’s the thing: some years ago I decided that to honour God I should not masturbate. As a result I developed prostate problems. My Indian Urologist, accompanied by typical side-to-side head shakes advised me animatedly: ‘You MUST milk the penis!’. After a time in Germany again with prostate pain following more determined efforts at total celibacy, my Urologist explained with thinly-disguised contempt that the testes produce semen on a roughly 72-hour cycle and they need to be evacuated for health. 21 ejaculations a month or more produce a reduction of 30+% in prostate cancer. This is not an objective opinion, it is a scientific fact. So, if these proscriptive readings against masturbation are correct, God wants us risk our God-given health, to avoid indulging our God-given biological imperatives. Now, I don’t know about you, but I have difficulty believing that God would want me to develop prostate cancer in order to fulfill a putative masturbation ban. So there must be another explanation logically, it seems to me. This is extremely helpful it seems to me: http://www.jasonstaples.com/bible/most-misinterpreted-bible-passages-1-matthew-527-28/ and points to some resolution. It is also worth noting that adultery means extramarital sexual relations which interferes maliciously with marriage. So based on that Christ possibly was addressing married men only during that discourse. Perhaps someone with better knowledge of Greek or Hebrew can shed light. Either way, He obviously knows the difference between adultery and fornication. Some years back the Lord graciously led me to a spiritual community on the Mt of Olives supernaturally from my home in London where I spent an amazing 10 months. We had a dorm set-up. So of course masturbation even if desired was quite impractical. The upshot? An extremely embarrassing nocturnal emission event. I struggle to reconcile a loving God with a God who some interpret as criminalising me for indulging a desire for sexual release, any more than a desire for food. I can no more do without the one nor the other without harm to body or soul. Perhaps this reality is why Dr. Dobson chose to take the position he does. Masturbation is not much of an issue with God:
Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, a Fundamentalist Christian advocacy organization, has written:
“It is my opinion that masturbation is not much of an issue with God. It is a normal part of adolescence which involves no one else. It does not cause disease. It does not produce babies, and Jesus did not mention it in the Bible. I’m not telling you to masturbate, and I hope you won’t feel the need for it. But if you do, it is my opinion that you should not struggle with guilt over it. Why do I tell you this? Because I deal with so many Christian young people who are torn apart with guilt over masturbation; they want to stop and just can’t. I would like to help you avoid that agony.” Now, that speaks of a true Pastor’s heart it seems to me, rather than a self-righteous legalist who only cares for an – often totally misinterpreted – written law. Pornography is dehumanising and is inextricably linked to sex-trafficking a vile global trade, mainly First World. Is it any wonder that due to a lack of compassion and a surplus of legalistic judgment, many who love the Lord yet meet with nothing but censure throw in the towel completely? Is not some portion of the growth in a pornified church down to the church’s very own shortcomings in this regard? May the Lord guide us and lead us into His Truth. http://www.religioustolerance.org/masturba8.htm
Hi David,
This post isn’t so much about whether one should stop masturbation as much as it is about the how. For instance, if a man is regularly masturbating instead of having sex with his wife, he might desire to have more intimacy and less solo-sex. This post is addressing some of the mechanics to accomplish that. As I say at the beginning of the article, “The Bible does not specifically condone or condemn masturbation, but it does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate.”
If you have any links to medical journals on this topic, I’d be very interested in reading more about this. Not that I don’t respect the opinion of your urologist, but I would rather go back to the data itself, not just the way some interpret the data.
I think it is great that your body has its own mechanism for releasing sperm: nocturnal emission. Sounds like that would be a great solution: ask God for more of those.
The first link you provided from Jason Staples was an interesting read. Jason’s point seems to be that desire for sex is good and that attraction is good, but the action of coveting is not. I have no problem with that, and I think a large majority of Biblical scholars would agree with him on that. To say, however, that “desire” is nowhere forbidden in Scripture is extremely misleading. He seems to be saying that coveting is an action, not a desire, that coveting is “fixing one’s desire upon obtaining something that is not rightfully one’s own.” If he is merely saying that the desire for sex is good but the “fixing” of one’s desire is the problem, then I have no problem with that. But his article wasn’t very clear on that point.
As to your point that Christ was only addressing married men, I would have to disagree. Adultery is committed if one person is married, not necessarily if both are. Therefore, a single man can commit adultery with a married woman.
I deal with a number of this issues in this article about masturbation.
Hi, I have been masturabating for the last 3 – 4 years and I am fed up of constantly doing it under pressure and stress. I began looking at porn after many friends at school were discussing and I guess I fell under peer pressure. It took me about 3 months after that to discover masturbation and I have been, no other word for it, addicted. I began to realise that this was getting out of control and is wanted to stop. This was a great challenge and one that i haven’t yet been able to overcome. I prayed and promised to myself that the next day would be a clean day – however this day has never lasted long. With the help of God I managed to stop myself for a fortnight but then settled back into my habits. After a year or two of praying and no real help from God I began to question his existence and led me all the way to becoming agnostic, I still went to church but questioned everything that was said. After another year of this I attended another service and I realosed that there was a God out there, but where was another matter. My masturbation habits didn’t get any better, but began to pray more. I still haven’t had Amy conversation with God or any obvious help but i so dearly want to stop masturbatiing with his help.
Please help me stop masturbatiing as now I find it difficult to go through any day without porn being part of it. I think the cause of it is mainly stress, but because I have watched so much porn my consciousness turns most women into a porn star under the influence of everything I want Her do. I fear that this is going to slowly evolve into something I will never be able to control and ignore one of Gods great gifts.
Please any support or tips will be truly accepted with amazing thanks. @luke is God punishing me by not helping me? Am i somehow ignoring God? Please me give tips and prayers to stop as I want to be free from this awful habit that has plagued me.
Hi Michael,
So sorry to hear about the trap in which you find yourself. Feeling out of control is a terrible feeling, and I know because I was in the same trap for many years. I also understand the doubt you are experiencing. After all, we want to worship a God who has real power and influence in our lives, not some distant God who doesn’t care for us.
First, I cannot tell you if God is “punishing” you for something specific. If he is, then a better word might be “discipline.” God disciplines those whom he loves, just like a parent disciplines a child. Discipline is a sign of loving correction, not rejection. If he is catching your attention through this trial, then count it as a blessing, not a curse. Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is to give a child exactly what they want so they can see for themselves how futile it is.
As for the habit itself, first, I urge you to follow the advice in this article in three ways. First, start a prayer journal where you talk to God about these things: what your triggers are (internal and external), praying about your bodily urges, and praying about your deepest longings. Second, I recommend you find a good friend you can talk to about these things. Get together with another Christian who is a strong believer, someone who has a little more wisdom than you about this, and really open your thoughts to him. Talk to him about what you are journalling. Third, I recommend you read one of the books I listed above: Closing the Window. It is an excellent book and will really help you to dissect the nature of your obsession with lust and pornography.
Remember, masturbation is just the fruit of a bad tree. The focus should not be your behavior (the act of masturbating) as much as it is the things going on in your heart that are leading to the masturbation. Focus on those things.
I’ll throw in my $.02 here. I’m 46 and am married now, but I was a single guy for a LONG time, not having gotten married until I was 37. While I have never been into porn per se (praise God!), I have had struggles with lust for my entire life in that I have had a female foot fetish for as long as I can remember, including when I was little. For me, being prone to lusting over a part of the female anatomy that’s not even anywhere close to legally obscene seems to present a special challenge for me. Anyways, I got saved when I was 10, or so I thought — only God truly knows if I was really saved at that time. But in any event, I discovered masturbation entirely on my own when I was 12 years old just lying in bed one night trying to go to sleep, yet with lustful thoughts running through my head.
Yeah, I had felt some guilt over what I was doing, yet, not knowing jack about sex at the time, I just couldn’t quite put my finger on why I felt so guilty and why I felt the need to stop doing that…yet I never could bring myself to quit. Eventually, I got to where I thought “What’s the harm in this? Besides, if some Christians say it’s OK…hey, why not?” As a result, I got to where I usually masturbated at least once a day. I now shudder when I think about that, as it reminds me of the passage of Romans where Paul talks about God giving people up to their sin.
As a result, I was addicted to masturbation for 30 years until 4½ years ago, when I was listening to a sermon on Hebrews 12:14 (“…and pursue holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord”). Right then and there, the Lord immediately brought to mind all the lust and masturbation I had been recklessly indulging in all those years, including for the first few years after we were married. Talk about a panic attack…right then and there, I could sworn that I was headed for hell, and that possibility absolutely positively TERRIFIED me. I was beside myself over how I had grieved God and my wife, BEGGING His forgiveness for several hours afterwards (BTW, I did confess it to my wife).
I’ve now gotten to where I don’t masturbate anywhere near as much as I used to — but the urge to do so still rears its ugly head on occasion. And when I do, I feel such guilt about it days if not hours afterwards, sometimes even minutes after having masturbated (I used to question my salvation whenever I did so, but thankfully, the Lord is showing me that the guilt afterwards is proof that I am saved — Hebrews 12:1-8), and I’m trying to knock it off for good.
A good question I just found online sounds like it could sum up the problem and the battle plan in a nutshell in the form of a question: Are you living to worship God or are you living to worship yourself? That is a question we should all ask ourselves. I’ve come to realize that masturbation, any way you slice it, is a selfish act — and I have never been able to do it without lusting. Since, to my knowledge, this topic was never covered in the youth group in the church I grew up in (Southern Baptist), this completely left me in the dark about the subject at a time when I needed it most and didn’t even know it. I just wish I had known then what I know now, ya know?
Ja, heard you dude. I cant give you the correct answer but always remember there is a ‘God’ in heaven who you can always turn to, no matter how great you think your sin is God is willing to forgive you, for the bible says in Isaiah, (come let us reason together though your sins are as red as blood i (God) will make them white as snow) says the lord of hosts.
With God nothing is impossible, for he made the universe just by a word (he made something out of nothing ) . Musterbation can lead to low sperm count and low ejaculation, making you weak leading to infertility
My brother in Christ I go through your pain.here is an advice where ever go through this read scriptures that talk on sexual immorality and scriptures that talk on the authority you have over sin and the devil dont forget màsturbation is part of sexual immorality and its a negative force.try also to find how you started mine was the spirit started after I watch a porn video.pray against it and. Rebuke any strongholds and legal ground in your life.Always reply like jesus when tempted get behind me you satan.The effective and fervent prayer availeth much
I was looking for a website that discusses the topic of Masturbation. I’m a victim of this habit. The reason I say this is, it’s because is a powerful thing. I don’t watch porn thank God! and I don’t think I’m addicted to masturbation. But sometimes the body asks for sex… I’m not married so sometimes the urge is very powerful and that’s the only way to release that urge. I had sex before marriage which I’m not too proud to mention none the less masturbation. But now that I’m a believer of Christ, I don’t want to have these urges. I don’t want anything to do with masturbation at all. I want to be free and only serve Christ. I’m not depress or going through some emotional break down but when I do it, it makes me feel like crap, disgusted, and less worthy. So after reading some of the comments and good advice it made me feel a lot better. It gave me the strength and faith to break this awful habit.
That’s exactly the problem that every one masterbates he feels disgusted tired and guilty and one even wishes to suicide or harm his body or belongings.Dont try to fight it because you cant.Every time you will fight you will think of it and want to feel the pleasure that what exactly happens.
What exactly happens to me is that after 1.5 or 2 or maximum 3 months up till now gap I feel like something is fighting within my body to come out or it want to come out at any cost.So after 3 or 4 days of control I fall prey to it and that what happens is I hate my self.
so what one need to do is gain self control as much as one can and eat vegetables and fruits and keep away from sperm increasing products
personally I think that if you can be able to control it for 4 to 5 months you have eliminated the urge and your brain has forgotten the pleasure.
i cant even concentrate an important that i have to do in my life such as studies and it also make me depress very deeply,have social anxiety, loss interest things that i love to do .