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Defeat Lust & Pornography 2 minute read

Why I’m Sharing About My Masturbation Struggle

Last Updated: May 18, 2021

A little over 12 years ago I read an amazing book by Joshua Harris called Not Even a Hint. The title was based off Ephesians 5:3, which reads, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…” (NIV). In the book, Harris opened up about his previous struggle with masturbation. He shared that many people masturbate, but hardly anyone talks about it. He then joked how most of his readers, upon seeing his open confession of masturbating, likely thought, “Better you than me!”

I also struggled with masturbation, and I began weeping as I wondered why no one was willing to be brave and open up about this subject. I decided that if God set me free, I would be willing to share the truth about this bondage so others could step into freedom too. So, today is the day that you get to read about my struggle and think, “Better you than me!”

I was exposed to pornography at a young age, and masturbation and a fantasy life developed from there. It soon became a compulsive and addictive activity for me. I often engaged in this several times a day and became enslaved. I tried to break free many times, and even after becoming a Christian filled with the Holy Spirit, I was still trapped. I went back and forth as to whether or not this behavior was wrong, although I really did know deep down this was not God’s plan for me.

Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma

One day the Lord dealt with me regarding my sin through the following Scripture, “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus…” (Col. 3:17). Now to be honest with you, I’ve always prided myself in being an intelligent person. But even with all my smarts, I still couldn’t figure out a way to masturbate “in the name of the Lord Jesus.” That wasn’t the end for me, but it was the beginning of the end.

I knew my actions were a coping mechanism, and the Lord spoke to me from Jeremiah 2:13.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

Wow! God showed me I was trying to meet my needs in my own way instead of allowing Him to meet them. This was another step on my journey to freedom. Lasting freedom came as I began to relate with God and others; true healing from any type of sexually addictive behavior comes when we learn to be intimate.

I can honestly say it has been over ten years since I have masturbated. Yep, I’m currently single and haven’t physically been with anyone–so that means ten orgasm-free years. Our society values orgasm as the pearl of great price, but I’ve survived to tell my story nonetheless. Much to the shock of society, I didn’t die or kill anyone from not having an orgasm. It really is possible!

Related: 3 Steps to Kick the Habit of Masturbation

There is hope for anyone struggling with this issue! I was bound for 23 years, and Jesus set me free–He desires you to experience this freedom too!

  1. Goodson

    I want to appreciate God for this platform, the openness of different individuals on this “crucial topic” is mind-blowing. It will be 11years by October, that I’ve been struggling with the terrible addiction of masturbation. It all started with sexual lust; gradually, it turned to masturbation, then later to seeking porn on the internet. After I came to Christ, the urge when down but not completely out. Since then, whenever I yield to masturbation, I’d feel like my life is useless to God and myself. Sometimes, I feel like my life won’t have meaning; grieving the holy Spirit has been another condemning experience whenever I masturbate.
    I opened up to my pastor and he organized a deliverance session for me; after sometime I went back to my vomit again.
    I love the Lord to the extent to which I’m able to discern, but this issue?? its killing me.
    I had had about 6months of total freedom, but lo and behold! same old story after all. I know my total deliverance is nearer; I have been encouraged listening to testimonies and experiences of amazing people on this platform.

  2. Ric L

    Hi I’m Ric, I’ve never struggled with porn. Yes, my fleshly desires have been an issue especially since breaking from a recent toxic relationship that opened up foil spirits I had never encountered.
    I can count on my hand the number times this has been a real issue in my life but it is a destructive force.
    Many times we may need to break the controlling Jezebel influence in our lives. Sometimes I experienced physical pain that causes undue stress in the body. I want to be free in Christ and walk out my destiny in purity. In Jesus Name. I pray the same for everyone on this page!

  3. StuartH

    Thank you so much for this article and thank the Heavenly Father for the grace, love and support He gives us, I have just averted a huge mistake I was going to make by giving in to my fleshly desires but saw this post and prayed to Jesus and the urge has gone, sometimes it gets so bad, I haven’t had sex for 15 years and gave my life to Christ a few months ago and have stopped masturbating for just over 2 months, the power of Jesus is bigger than any temptation that is set before us, all you have to do is get yourself to a place where you can concentrate on the Lord Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross and relief will be yours, amen, God Bless you!!

  4. Michael

    Hi everyone my name is Michael iv been struggling with masturbation since i was 8 years old and i am now 28. I struggle to keep away from pornography I feel so disgusting, pathetic, filthy, unworthy, sad and I sometimes feel like I have no control. This weird sexual addiction has had a grip on me for most of my life but I pray to a living God and I know that he will strengthen me.

    This is my first time actually talking about my struggle I dont know why but I just felt the need to tell others my story too.

    • Moriah Bowman

      Hi Michael!

      Thank you for your bravery and honesty in sharing your story. That alone is a great first step towards freedom! Porn often succeeds in making us feel unworthy, but this could not be farther from the truth! Praise be that we serve a God who offers us hope and freedom through Him. Please do not stop fighting for recovery! You are worth it.

      I am praying for you!
      Blessings,
      Moriah

  5. Confidence

    Hey,I am confidence
    I feel angry and sad, I have tried so many times that to stop masturbating, watching porn or erotic novels for a few days or even months I would stop.. but I still go back and whenever I do I feel so sad, guilty because I feel like its disrupted my walk with God and I feel ashamed and run away from God..I need help please I have read books and talked to someone about it and I followed what was said for sometime and still go back, I am currently angry and not even fighting it at all,feel.like I have lost my will to fight..help please

    • Moriah Bowman

      Hi friend,

      You are not alone in the way you feel. Although porn is powerful in disrupting our walk with God, God is greater than porn and HE can help you to overcome it! Ephesians 6:10-18 offers great wisdom as you fight for freedom. The passage starts by saying: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” I pray that you find peace and perseverance in these words.

      I would also encourage you to continue reaching out to those you know for prayer and guidance. Not even one of us can overcome sin alone. We need the accountability and wisdom from other believers.
      Be strong! You are worth fighting for!
      Blessings,
      Moriah

  6. Rod

    Hi please pray for me. I also struggle in this area. I have tried quitting masturbation but i still have relapses. So far i have stopped watching porn for almost two months now. Please help me by praying that i will be completely porn free and masturbation free

    • Moriah Bowman

      Rod,

      We are praying for you! Stay strong, my friend!

      Blessings,
      Moriah

  7. Jedaiah

    For the first,I see a bit of light on this issue.I have read far too many reads on the subject of masturbation and none of it has come close to giving me the ‘fear/reverence’ of God I was hoping to find. Thank you

  8. Ann

    Hi, can you help me get through this difficulty? Can you be my accountability partner as I get free in Jesus name? I want to be free. I don’t watch porn at all. But I do struggle in this area. People don’t even come to mind. It’s more like self lust. Please provide advice.

    Thanks

    • Moriah Dufrin

      Ann,

      Praise God that you desire freedom! Is there a friend or relative whom you can confide in and ask for accountability? Or, a church leader or mentor! Above all, keep turning to Christ for healing and freedom. Pray without ceasing. We are praying for you!

      Blessings,
      Moriah

  9. Therese

    Well suffering sex abuse from my father God Father and then his friends possiably my uncles and grandfather and my older sister then suffered sexual assault and domestic violence then church abuse by the Catholic Church . I do masturbate when stressed maybe once a week. I see it as a grave sin but it seems to be the only thing calming I’m married to my husband does not mind when I madturbate

  10. Sylvester

    Every condition can be cured by the power of God, whether masturbation, pornography addiction, evil thoughts, etc. you name it. God is real, His word is true. And when our hearts are fully enveloped with the beauty and pleasures of heavenly Jerusalem, desires of the flesh will die and fade. Great post!

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