Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
I am 13 years old and just started porn about 7 months ago. I need help. I am loosing my connection with God and I want help. I struggle with my addiction and I have troubles with masturbation. I feel so horrible and I just need help. Please respond. I will try your steps and pray to God they will work. I have a friend Max who I can talk to.
Good to hear you have someone you can talk to about this. That is the first step I tell everyone to take: find a trusted friend. When you talk to him, if he is willing, perhaps he can sit down with you and come up with an “attack plan” on this. What steps can you take to distance yourself from porn altogether? What blockades can you put in place.
There are actually two ways we can judge people: by their hearts and by their fruits. True, we are to leave judging up to God; however, the Bible states that it is only “[God] who judges the hearts of men”. Jesus did say, “Judge not lest ye be judged” but if you go back a bit, you will find he is talking to/about those who were acting hypocritical (Pharisees, Sadducees, etc). He is telling them to make sure that their relationships are first in line with God (especially in the area you are judging) before you throw about accusations. He is also teaching people to be a little more gracious and less legalistic.
It actually also says in the Bible that we can “judge a man by his fruits”. If I see a pastor who is in an affair and cheating on his wife, then it is our jobs as fellow believers to correct him for his shortcomings (we have to judge his fruit). This does have to be done respectfully and with the love of God, and not out of a sense of condemnation, but that’s a whole other conversation. However, the minute I start saying to people or myself that he, for example, probably doesn’t even love God or his wife enough to straighten out, I have then shifted the playing field from judging his fruit (he is having an affair; I need to respectfully say something) to judging his heart (he is a hypocrite who doesn’t even love his wife or God). Make sense? Also, Jesus himself judged people’s fruit and actions. He didn’t go to the temple and just flip out and overturn the whole darn place just for his health. He did it because He was righteously angered. This was Him judging the people for what they had done to His temple. Now, if Jesus is who He says He is, then that makes Him the perfect example for how we should live our lives, right? Why would he judge the fruits of others, and not expect us to follow suit?
Homosexuality was/is a sin to God because it takes the good that he created in the beginning and warps it out if His original design (which I am sure you have heard before). Your comparison between homosexuality and starvation would be a good one except for one thing: even if homosexuality was created out of a lack of partners, it still would be evil because it warps God’s intended plan and purpose. Kids starving is not something warped; it doesn’t take what was good and make it evil. It is an indicator that it’s time for people with resources to step up and help. However, if these starving kids began eating each other to survive and stave off starvation, then we have entered the realm of twisting things. However, by saying “for all we know…” and “what if…” we have left the reality o things and entered into hypothetical. I could say, “What if aliens came down from space and brainwashed all of Sodom and Gomorrah to be homosexual? Then homosexuality couldn’t be their fault”. We don’t know the details of how homosexuality came to be, but that is not the main focus; the focus is “Is homosexuality a sin?”. How did bestiality come to be? If you don’t know, should we question whether it’s sin? No, because we know bestiality to be sin. It always was and always will be, which leads to my next point.
“[God] is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.” God doesn’t change. Period. He loves humanity now just as unconditionally as He loved Adam and Eve. He disciplines those He loves all throughout history, He disciplines those He loves today, and He will continue to do so until the end of the earth. When He inspired the many authors of the Bible to write His words, He wrote it with eternity in mind, as something concrete for His people of all times to look to for guidance. He isn’t going to say in the Bible that something is sin thousands of years ago just to go, “Oh, well it looks like apocalyptic times have come upon the humans and they have limited resources and now need to kill each other to live…You know what? Murder is no longer a sin, the humans have to do it”. The same goes for homosexuality; God won’t just change the fact that it’s sin and still say in the Bible that it is. That would be pretty darn confusing lol (I know that my murder example doesn’t exactly replicate your homosexuality example; I was just showing how that wouldn’t work).
And i agree with Luke; having a biological disposition to “something” and God being okay with that “something” are not synonymous. I know a kid who is prone to huge fits of anger and violence; it really is just his disposition. If no one corrects him now, I know he could easily grow up to become abusive. I don’t think God would be okay with all that just because he “was born that way”. Like I said before, certain dispositions are there because of Adam and Eve’s fall and introduction of sin, and we just have to learn to lean on God for His strength. If our natural sinful dispositions were “okay” with God, why would He send His only Son to die? Sin is natural. Sin is normal. We are born with all kinds of sin and cannot control how our tendencies play out. However, sin is not right. There is no such thing as “good” judgment and “bad” judgment, only just and unjust judgment. As you know, our God is a just God, but He is also a merciful God. If He decided to stick only to being just, then we are all lost causes. God doesn’t judge how he made us, He is judging the the sinful hearts we all have been born with since Adam and Eve’s fall.
Also, just a side note, it is improbable that homosexuality started because of a lack of people. There might not have been a lot of people, but ratios remained similar enough to today that no one would have been so desperate for sex that they resorted to homosexuality. Sodom and Gomorrah were to entire cities. You would think that most of the men and women would have found a suitable partner. They had to choose to indulge in abominable practices, such as homosexuality and witchcraft. Also, even if it was, I know God would still see it as sin. Look at when (I think it was) Lot’s daughters got him drunk so they could sleep with him and have kids by him. They had just become the only people for mile and miles around because Sodom and Gomorrah were just eradicated from Earth. They definitely had limited resources, so was it right for Lot’s daughters to sleep with him? No. God actually says that they were very sinful for doing so. (I don’t remember the exact details of the story, so you might want to go back and check, but I know I have the main idea down :P).
P.S. I also wanted to let you know that I do agree with you; a good thing to do is think of how porn affects others, not just yourself. Just wanted to throw that in…
Did you just compare yourself to Jesus? Lol. Thank you for a response. I know what you mean, but if homosexuality is a sin, shouldn’t we let God be the judge? Jesus said judge not lest ye be judged right? Which Bible do you read from BTW? For all we know homosexuality could have been a sin in the past because there weren’t enough people. It wouldn’t be anymore now that children are starving because there are to many people eating. Homosexuality used to be a disadvantage for your town, now its an advantage for everybody. And It’s definitely not a choice. I have ADHD (thank you for talking about our problems by the way) so I know what your getting at, and it’s not the same. I have tried to find homosexuals attractive so I could know if it could be done. It turns out you can’t will yourself into another identity. I have a number of friends who are queer. I have friend’s who are gay, who are bisexual (they are pretty and not undecided by the way, she IS attracted to males and females), who are asexual (no one turns him on no matter how hard he tries, and this has been true since he was born). Many of them have all tried to be nonqueer because people judge them, but that’s not something you have control over. Knowing and accepting who your attracted to and why is a very important part of getting over your porn addiction. My homosexual friends just ended up in relationships with people they didn’t love, watching porn to sate their sexuality that they couldn’t sate with their fake partner. When they acknowledged their homosexuality, they got into relationships and quit porn. Everyone was much happier. I think you may be gay, bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual if you are resisting your sexual attraction to your own gender. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I find it hard to believe God would judge you badly for the way he made you. God loves us. But if God would judge you, again, that’s for God to do and not us.
Interesting insights. If I understand you right, someone is foolish for reading the Bible in a way that leads to the conclusion that homosexuality is a sin. Is that your premise? You are saying that because homosexuality used to be disadvantageous and therefore was labeled wrong by Biblical authors, but now it isn’t. I think you might be hard-pressed to show that this is the case from the Bible.
I don’t disagree with you that homosexuality might have a genetic or biological component to it. This certainly may be the case, although I think it is more a question for science to discover. However, to say one is genetically predisposed to being homosexual or bisexual and to say God is alright with people living a homosexual lifestyle are two very different matters. For instance, I don’t believe anyone is biologically wired for monogamy: lusting for people who aren’t your spouse seems to be something inborn in all or at least most of us. That does not mean, therefore, it is not a sin. The Bible is pretty clear on this: since the Fall of humanity, we are born corrupt.
Just A Teen
Sorry, I don’t think I stated my point correctly, my bad. Also, I appreciate you clarifying that you are not attacking, and I apologize if I came off over-defensive. That definitely wasn’t my intention. I meant that I believe that porn could lead someone to struggle with homosexuality if your flesh begins to crave more and more of something that cannot be provided. Does that make sense what I mean? Also, I understand what you mean that people are born with certain tendencies, such as what you pointed out. However, I don’t believe that being born with a tendency is an indication of that tendency being okay. For example, take someone born with a tendency to alcohol. Just because he has a tendency toward alcohol doesn’t mean he should drink until he shoots his liver out. Or take a less extreme and more common example: people born with ADD. They have a tendency to swing to different extremes, be stubborn, out of control of their emotions, etc. Just because someone has a tendency toward ADD doesn’t mean they should act out those symptoms. They need to lean on Adonai for strength and support to overcome this obstacle. The same goes with homosexuality. I agree with you; people can definitely take Scripture and use it for their own purposes. But the Bible has countless stories where God specifically states his opposition of homosexuality. Take Sodom and Gomorrah as an example of this. They were called wicked cities for the various evils they did in the sight of God, and among them was homosexuality, and were eventually burned off the face of the Earth. I understand that these kinds of bold statements can be hard and even offensive to many people, but truth was never said to be easy or politically correct. Jesus wasn’t killed for just being a nice guy, right? He wasn’t everyone’s best buddy; in fact he had a long list of people he ticked off big time, which led to his gruesome execution. All this because he spoke truth. While I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings (trust me, it’s the last thing I want) sometimes I have to state what’s right and true, even in the face of stirring things up and ticking people off. I hope you can see this.
Thanks,
Teen
@tom: I believe he had a good heart and his teachings were in line with what the Word has to say. I believe that he has a testimony that should be shared, not squashed. He was vulnerable so that people like myself might learn, not so that he could have a grammar lesson. I believe he is right; watching porn will make you crave for more until you start to experiment with things we never we believed we were capable of. Where does “harmless” porn lead to? looking for hookers. Where does that lead? You see where I’m going. Also, he wasn’t being anti-gay by throwing homosexuality with bestiality. He was stating a point. It’s no different from throwing “alcoholism” and “lying” together; sin is sin. He was just narrowing it down to sexual sins.
I appreciate that you are standing up for what you think is right, but I didn’t say porn is good, or that the heart of what he’s saying is wrong. porn is bad because it may lead to hookers (I don’t know, but it seems reasonable), rape (studies are inconclusive, but the inroduction of porn has been correlated with sexual violence in America), disrespect for women, ect. Porn is corrosive to a healthy mind in my opinion. I think that God would disprove of porn for these reasons and more. I Quit it in the name of God and equal rights for women (feminism). If you want to quit, it helps to remind yourself not only of God, but also of your other moral obligations, and of your friends and partners that you hurt.
About homosexuality, why isn’t YOUR sexuality a sin? You were born with it just like any homosexual, bisexual, demihomosexual, greyhomosexual, asexual, demiheterosexual, greyheterosexual or pansexual. You can no more help who you are sexually attracted to than any of them. Maybe if homosexuals felt able to form relationships without judgment, they wouldn’t feel the need to use porn. What did Jesus want in us more than love anyway? Have you read the passage about homosexuality in the context of the bible? I could also use quotes out of context from God’s word to say anything. Like that when you plant seeds, you shouldn’t put them in upside down, or incest is good.
I want you to know that I’m not attacking you. I love everyone. But please don’t say that homosexuality is a sin because that hurts people.
Just A Teen
But I do see what you’re saying about hanging out with friends. It’s definitely a lot easier to get together with friends to take your mind off of porn than it is to try and call someone. There is always that temptation to skip out on accountability when you can just stay under the radar when you are in the middle of heavy temptation.
Anonymous
May I leave some advice here? I am a Christian person, raised in a Christian family, still I have to struggle with the fight against pornography, and still as a married man I have to said that the battle goes on, that doesnt mean we are disapprobed since in this time and in specially this era the devil has found many wicked ways to keep dragging more and more people into this trap, but if you are honest and admitted the problem I think is the best place to start, being honest with yourself and really be determined to fight for purity. I have a quite story for you young guys, I am not so old myself, only 26 but I have to live with the nightmare of having my dad to store pornographic movies, and a lot of them, that disturbed me as a child, knowing that is for sure that the addiction I developed was so early, that lead me to lots of porn, after many years going back and forth on the faith I finally had the worst nightmare one could ever have, and this is were the danger begins, pornography as different to other sins works its way into the soul, that is when you read in the new testament that any sin commited outside of the flesh stay out of it, but any other commited again your own body stay within it (1 Corinthians 6:18), so what that means is that it becomes a never ending search for pleasure because everything is never going to be enough in porn and many are dragged to homosexuality, bestiality and other forms of sex you would never thought of going, but since the new testament also talks about a group of sinners that experience the deeps of satan, (Revelation 2:13) this is talking to us of the way one could be pulled in the well of darkness, so my experience was this: after being actively addicted to porn for almost a year constantly I became aware of the need to experience something real, so I went out in search of a women, a prostitute, after many hours of chatting and planning I went to hell to have something with her, being in the room I decided not to do anything but she was used by satan and I was seduced, the result could be death itself, I repent myself and open the truth to my christian girlfriend, we cry out a lot, I had to go and perform VIH test just to be sure even wearing protection that this haven´t gone into any more sadly tragedy and justice from God from my unrighteous way of living, thanks to his mercy and kindness and healthy and live for his Glory and Grace, I was saved from death itself and that days were the most fearful, sad and worrying of my life, It felt just like if I was sick and was going to die and this feeling I pray in Jesus you never had to go trought it to learn the lesson, really the bible is serious when it says that sin could lead you to death, that it is why we have to commite ourselves, I encourage you to take a firm position on this matter, for your sake, and I hope this could ring your ears every time temptation is coming, it is really a hard way to learn but the love of God has no limits, the sin cloud your judgment and eyes and change the reality base on the premises needs of the flesh, I work now as a minister on a church, I study theology and God has lead me to great things in service on His beloved church, I am more than able and a champion to conquer this world and you also are, not in our strenght but in Jesuschrist, God Bless you.
English 101 has taught me that if you want to be persuasive, you shouldn’t make a run on sentence that long. It indicates a lack of education. Also, The pope himself on homosexual marriage said “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”. Statements that compare homosexuality to bestiality are harmful to people who are gay, which is not Christian. I’ve met many gay people, and none of them became gay from watching porn. Porn is harmful, but it doesn’t turn you gay. If you like gay porn, you are gay and always have been since you were born. Any amount of research should show you that when they expose straight men to gay porn, it does not make them gay. I’ve seen gay porn, and it didn’t do anything for me. If they do something for you, you are gay or bisexual, and there is nothing wrong with that. Anti-gay statements like that turn people away from Christ, thereby un-spreading the word of god.
What helped me stop watching porn was to hang out with friends a lot. I wouldn’t call what I had a porn addiction, but it is defiantly hard to masturbate or watch porn next to an anti-porn feminist friend during a sleep over. Just schedule constant hang outs for a while, and the worst of it will be over soon. It’s fun because your hanging out with friends, so there’s no temptation to not call some guy. I think this is definitely something worth trying.
As a side note, if you end up having sex with someone/making love, you should at least use a condom. Before you think about having a baby, consider all of the children who are starving. If you have a baby, the food will only become more scarce, and more children will die. Please consider adoption.
StrugglingInMA
And if you want to give up porn but aren’t sick and tired of it, then what? Also, I can’t confide or be accountable to a guy friend because I’m addicted to gay porn.
Good questions. First, I would ask you: Do you at least wish you were sick and tired of it? The fact that you aren’t sick and tired of it but you know that you aren’t is exactly where you need to be: you are coming face to face with your own helplessness, which is exactly where God comes to rescue us. Watch this video with Christian counselor Winston Smith about this idea.
Second, the only way I know to be truly free from porn always begins with brutal honesty before other people. Yes, you could tell someone and they might reject you, or they might show you love and support, but either way, until you push through the what-if fears and talk to someone, you’ll forever be hiding in the dark. You could always look for a counselor to talk with as well, if you are willing to go that route.
Robert Parker
Hi, i have been on porn for 2 years now and im quite dissappointed on my porn and masturbating habits. Whenever i masturbate and look porn, i realize about what i have been doing and i sometime cry and ask for forgiveness, but the result is same, after 1 or 2 days that awful spirit is always back and i’m sick and tired of it plzzzz hellllpppppp!!
Tell me more. What have you done to stop this habit?
fine gee
I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for 5 yrs now. I was 16 and a virgin when it all started. That means I broke my ‘virginity’ with porn and it’s very true , cos I had my first ever ejaculation to porn. and it was the very first porn I watched. I have real sex too but I don’t enjoy sex with the women/girls, rather, I enjoy ejaculating with porn…. I don’t like it that way though……. I don’t know if there are stupid and foolish people who are like me on earth. As a result of my addiction,I seem to have a very low self esteem, am becoming less confident and shy and it’s very difficult ,yes extremely difficult to approach girls. I only do approach them when am drunk. I really need to stop masturbating, I need to eliminate porn. I want to stop please, ×crying×. I. want to stop, someone please help me.
There is a verse in Romans 8v25. Sin is in the heart of every person; but not in our mind. Romans 8v25 tell us with the mind i serve GOD and with the flesh sin. How will this work is daily practice; take your mind and separate it from your heart/fresh. How is this possible? Your mind is your thinking tool, when you feel the burning in your heart to look at porn, dont let your thinking tool ponder on it, but take your thinking tool and think about GOD; then your mind will serve GOD and the flesh will serve porn. Your power is in the mind, its a neutral place where you can bruise the head of porn everytime. Abram open the gates of hell within mankind when he disobey GOD commandments is why we all have sin.
kudzinet
i know i may have replied way later from when you sent this, but this may help somebody else:
do not think you are hopeless , you are not stupid, the devil only wants you to think so and that is why he would like you to continue this evil, so that you may think that God has forsaken you and that he has disowned you. But tell you what: God loves you and each morning he wakes you up alive is an opportunity he is giving you to change your ways. Do not give up, God will see that you are trying so hard and will give you strength to overcome. You may not immediately stop but with time God will help you to come up victorious. Keep on praying, tell yourself that you are a child of God and you love Him.
One church pastor told me that we should not have discussions with the devil. When Eve was tempted in the garden of Eden, it was because she considered what the devil had said and she discussed with him.She should have run away immediately, just like joseph who ran away from Portiphr’s wife. So when the thought crosses your mind to watch this evil, run away from it immediately, don’t give the devil time to give you such suggestions.
the other advice is: when everyone else is going to sleep, go to sleep as well because temptations come when you are alone.
Adolph Gumunyu
l’ve been addicted to porn since l was 10 years old and now i’m now 19 and it still torments me.l want to quit caused i’m losing my faith in God and l now lack the confidence to approach ladies.l need help
I don’t know the details of your story, but I think there are a lot of things you can do to get started.
First, there’s a book you can get for free called Your Brain on Porn (you can download a digital copy right now). Read it and think of ways you can begin to put it into practice.
Second, I highly recommend you talk to good Christian friends about this issue. You need accountability in your life. Who have you told about this? If you need ideas, you can download another free book called Coming Clean. It is all about how accountability can overcome the power of lust.
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I am 13 years old and just started porn about 7 months ago. I need help. I am loosing my connection with God and I want help. I struggle with my addiction and I have troubles with masturbation. I feel so horrible and I just need help. Please respond. I will try your steps and pray to God they will work. I have a friend Max who I can talk to.
Good to hear you have someone you can talk to about this. That is the first step I tell everyone to take: find a trusted friend. When you talk to him, if he is willing, perhaps he can sit down with you and come up with an “attack plan” on this. What steps can you take to distance yourself from porn altogether? What blockades can you put in place.
Here are some articles to get you started:
1. “The Apostle Paul’s Secret to Fighting Sexual Sin”
2. “Fighting Porn Addiction: The Key Missing Weapon”
3. “Neuroscience Speaks: How Using Porn Destroys Your Willpower“
There are actually two ways we can judge people: by their hearts and by their fruits. True, we are to leave judging up to God; however, the Bible states that it is only “[God] who judges the hearts of men”. Jesus did say, “Judge not lest ye be judged” but if you go back a bit, you will find he is talking to/about those who were acting hypocritical (Pharisees, Sadducees, etc). He is telling them to make sure that their relationships are first in line with God (especially in the area you are judging) before you throw about accusations. He is also teaching people to be a little more gracious and less legalistic.
It actually also says in the Bible that we can “judge a man by his fruits”. If I see a pastor who is in an affair and cheating on his wife, then it is our jobs as fellow believers to correct him for his shortcomings (we have to judge his fruit). This does have to be done respectfully and with the love of God, and not out of a sense of condemnation, but that’s a whole other conversation. However, the minute I start saying to people or myself that he, for example, probably doesn’t even love God or his wife enough to straighten out, I have then shifted the playing field from judging his fruit (he is having an affair; I need to respectfully say something) to judging his heart (he is a hypocrite who doesn’t even love his wife or God). Make sense? Also, Jesus himself judged people’s fruit and actions. He didn’t go to the temple and just flip out and overturn the whole darn place just for his health. He did it because He was righteously angered. This was Him judging the people for what they had done to His temple. Now, if Jesus is who He says He is, then that makes Him the perfect example for how we should live our lives, right? Why would he judge the fruits of others, and not expect us to follow suit?
Homosexuality was/is a sin to God because it takes the good that he created in the beginning and warps it out if His original design (which I am sure you have heard before). Your comparison between homosexuality and starvation would be a good one except for one thing: even if homosexuality was created out of a lack of partners, it still would be evil because it warps God’s intended plan and purpose. Kids starving is not something warped; it doesn’t take what was good and make it evil. It is an indicator that it’s time for people with resources to step up and help. However, if these starving kids began eating each other to survive and stave off starvation, then we have entered the realm of twisting things. However, by saying “for all we know…” and “what if…” we have left the reality o things and entered into hypothetical. I could say, “What if aliens came down from space and brainwashed all of Sodom and Gomorrah to be homosexual? Then homosexuality couldn’t be their fault”. We don’t know the details of how homosexuality came to be, but that is not the main focus; the focus is “Is homosexuality a sin?”. How did bestiality come to be? If you don’t know, should we question whether it’s sin? No, because we know bestiality to be sin. It always was and always will be, which leads to my next point.
“[God] is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.” God doesn’t change. Period. He loves humanity now just as unconditionally as He loved Adam and Eve. He disciplines those He loves all throughout history, He disciplines those He loves today, and He will continue to do so until the end of the earth. When He inspired the many authors of the Bible to write His words, He wrote it with eternity in mind, as something concrete for His people of all times to look to for guidance. He isn’t going to say in the Bible that something is sin thousands of years ago just to go, “Oh, well it looks like apocalyptic times have come upon the humans and they have limited resources and now need to kill each other to live…You know what? Murder is no longer a sin, the humans have to do it”. The same goes for homosexuality; God won’t just change the fact that it’s sin and still say in the Bible that it is. That would be pretty darn confusing lol (I know that my murder example doesn’t exactly replicate your homosexuality example; I was just showing how that wouldn’t work).
And i agree with Luke; having a biological disposition to “something” and God being okay with that “something” are not synonymous. I know a kid who is prone to huge fits of anger and violence; it really is just his disposition. If no one corrects him now, I know he could easily grow up to become abusive. I don’t think God would be okay with all that just because he “was born that way”. Like I said before, certain dispositions are there because of Adam and Eve’s fall and introduction of sin, and we just have to learn to lean on God for His strength. If our natural sinful dispositions were “okay” with God, why would He send His only Son to die? Sin is natural. Sin is normal. We are born with all kinds of sin and cannot control how our tendencies play out. However, sin is not right. There is no such thing as “good” judgment and “bad” judgment, only just and unjust judgment. As you know, our God is a just God, but He is also a merciful God. If He decided to stick only to being just, then we are all lost causes. God doesn’t judge how he made us, He is judging the the sinful hearts we all have been born with since Adam and Eve’s fall.
Also, just a side note, it is improbable that homosexuality started because of a lack of people. There might not have been a lot of people, but ratios remained similar enough to today that no one would have been so desperate for sex that they resorted to homosexuality. Sodom and Gomorrah were to entire cities. You would think that most of the men and women would have found a suitable partner. They had to choose to indulge in abominable practices, such as homosexuality and witchcraft. Also, even if it was, I know God would still see it as sin. Look at when (I think it was) Lot’s daughters got him drunk so they could sleep with him and have kids by him. They had just become the only people for mile and miles around because Sodom and Gomorrah were just eradicated from Earth. They definitely had limited resources, so was it right for Lot’s daughters to sleep with him? No. God actually says that they were very sinful for doing so. (I don’t remember the exact details of the story, so you might want to go back and check, but I know I have the main idea down :P).
P.S. I also wanted to let you know that I do agree with you; a good thing to do is think of how porn affects others, not just yourself. Just wanted to throw that in…
Did you just compare yourself to Jesus? Lol. Thank you for a response. I know what you mean, but if homosexuality is a sin, shouldn’t we let God be the judge? Jesus said judge not lest ye be judged right? Which Bible do you read from BTW? For all we know homosexuality could have been a sin in the past because there weren’t enough people. It wouldn’t be anymore now that children are starving because there are to many people eating. Homosexuality used to be a disadvantage for your town, now its an advantage for everybody. And It’s definitely not a choice. I have ADHD (thank you for talking about our problems by the way) so I know what your getting at, and it’s not the same. I have tried to find homosexuals attractive so I could know if it could be done. It turns out you can’t will yourself into another identity. I have a number of friends who are queer. I have friend’s who are gay, who are bisexual (they are pretty and not undecided by the way, she IS attracted to males and females), who are asexual (no one turns him on no matter how hard he tries, and this has been true since he was born). Many of them have all tried to be nonqueer because people judge them, but that’s not something you have control over. Knowing and accepting who your attracted to and why is a very important part of getting over your porn addiction. My homosexual friends just ended up in relationships with people they didn’t love, watching porn to sate their sexuality that they couldn’t sate with their fake partner. When they acknowledged their homosexuality, they got into relationships and quit porn. Everyone was much happier. I think you may be gay, bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual if you are resisting your sexual attraction to your own gender. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I find it hard to believe God would judge you badly for the way he made you. God loves us. But if God would judge you, again, that’s for God to do and not us.
Hi Tom,
Interesting insights. If I understand you right, someone is foolish for reading the Bible in a way that leads to the conclusion that homosexuality is a sin. Is that your premise? You are saying that because homosexuality used to be disadvantageous and therefore was labeled wrong by Biblical authors, but now it isn’t. I think you might be hard-pressed to show that this is the case from the Bible.
I don’t disagree with you that homosexuality might have a genetic or biological component to it. This certainly may be the case, although I think it is more a question for science to discover. However, to say one is genetically predisposed to being homosexual or bisexual and to say God is alright with people living a homosexual lifestyle are two very different matters. For instance, I don’t believe anyone is biologically wired for monogamy: lusting for people who aren’t your spouse seems to be something inborn in all or at least most of us. That does not mean, therefore, it is not a sin. The Bible is pretty clear on this: since the Fall of humanity, we are born corrupt.
Sorry, I don’t think I stated my point correctly, my bad. Also, I appreciate you clarifying that you are not attacking, and I apologize if I came off over-defensive. That definitely wasn’t my intention. I meant that I believe that porn could lead someone to struggle with homosexuality if your flesh begins to crave more and more of something that cannot be provided. Does that make sense what I mean? Also, I understand what you mean that people are born with certain tendencies, such as what you pointed out. However, I don’t believe that being born with a tendency is an indication of that tendency being okay. For example, take someone born with a tendency to alcohol. Just because he has a tendency toward alcohol doesn’t mean he should drink until he shoots his liver out. Or take a less extreme and more common example: people born with ADD. They have a tendency to swing to different extremes, be stubborn, out of control of their emotions, etc. Just because someone has a tendency toward ADD doesn’t mean they should act out those symptoms. They need to lean on Adonai for strength and support to overcome this obstacle. The same goes with homosexuality. I agree with you; people can definitely take Scripture and use it for their own purposes. But the Bible has countless stories where God specifically states his opposition of homosexuality. Take Sodom and Gomorrah as an example of this. They were called wicked cities for the various evils they did in the sight of God, and among them was homosexuality, and were eventually burned off the face of the Earth. I understand that these kinds of bold statements can be hard and even offensive to many people, but truth was never said to be easy or politically correct. Jesus wasn’t killed for just being a nice guy, right? He wasn’t everyone’s best buddy; in fact he had a long list of people he ticked off big time, which led to his gruesome execution. All this because he spoke truth. While I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings (trust me, it’s the last thing I want) sometimes I have to state what’s right and true, even in the face of stirring things up and ticking people off. I hope you can see this.
Thanks,
Teen
@tom: I believe he had a good heart and his teachings were in line with what the Word has to say. I believe that he has a testimony that should be shared, not squashed. He was vulnerable so that people like myself might learn, not so that he could have a grammar lesson. I believe he is right; watching porn will make you crave for more until you start to experiment with things we never we believed we were capable of. Where does “harmless” porn lead to? looking for hookers. Where does that lead? You see where I’m going. Also, he wasn’t being anti-gay by throwing homosexuality with bestiality. He was stating a point. It’s no different from throwing “alcoholism” and “lying” together; sin is sin. He was just narrowing it down to sexual sins.
I appreciate that you are standing up for what you think is right, but I didn’t say porn is good, or that the heart of what he’s saying is wrong. porn is bad because it may lead to hookers (I don’t know, but it seems reasonable), rape (studies are inconclusive, but the inroduction of porn has been correlated with sexual violence in America), disrespect for women, ect. Porn is corrosive to a healthy mind in my opinion. I think that God would disprove of porn for these reasons and more. I Quit it in the name of God and equal rights for women (feminism). If you want to quit, it helps to remind yourself not only of God, but also of your other moral obligations, and of your friends and partners that you hurt.
About homosexuality, why isn’t YOUR sexuality a sin? You were born with it just like any homosexual, bisexual, demihomosexual, greyhomosexual, asexual, demiheterosexual, greyheterosexual or pansexual. You can no more help who you are sexually attracted to than any of them. Maybe if homosexuals felt able to form relationships without judgment, they wouldn’t feel the need to use porn. What did Jesus want in us more than love anyway? Have you read the passage about homosexuality in the context of the bible? I could also use quotes out of context from God’s word to say anything. Like that when you plant seeds, you shouldn’t put them in upside down, or incest is good.
I want you to know that I’m not attacking you. I love everyone. But please don’t say that homosexuality is a sin because that hurts people.
But I do see what you’re saying about hanging out with friends. It’s definitely a lot easier to get together with friends to take your mind off of porn than it is to try and call someone. There is always that temptation to skip out on accountability when you can just stay under the radar when you are in the middle of heavy temptation.
May I leave some advice here? I am a Christian person, raised in a Christian family, still I have to struggle with the fight against pornography, and still as a married man I have to said that the battle goes on, that doesnt mean we are disapprobed since in this time and in specially this era the devil has found many wicked ways to keep dragging more and more people into this trap, but if you are honest and admitted the problem I think is the best place to start, being honest with yourself and really be determined to fight for purity. I have a quite story for you young guys, I am not so old myself, only 26 but I have to live with the nightmare of having my dad to store pornographic movies, and a lot of them, that disturbed me as a child, knowing that is for sure that the addiction I developed was so early, that lead me to lots of porn, after many years going back and forth on the faith I finally had the worst nightmare one could ever have, and this is were the danger begins, pornography as different to other sins works its way into the soul, that is when you read in the new testament that any sin commited outside of the flesh stay out of it, but any other commited again your own body stay within it (1 Corinthians 6:18), so what that means is that it becomes a never ending search for pleasure because everything is never going to be enough in porn and many are dragged to homosexuality, bestiality and other forms of sex you would never thought of going, but since the new testament also talks about a group of sinners that experience the deeps of satan, (Revelation 2:13) this is talking to us of the way one could be pulled in the well of darkness, so my experience was this: after being actively addicted to porn for almost a year constantly I became aware of the need to experience something real, so I went out in search of a women, a prostitute, after many hours of chatting and planning I went to hell to have something with her, being in the room I decided not to do anything but she was used by satan and I was seduced, the result could be death itself, I repent myself and open the truth to my christian girlfriend, we cry out a lot, I had to go and perform VIH test just to be sure even wearing protection that this haven´t gone into any more sadly tragedy and justice from God from my unrighteous way of living, thanks to his mercy and kindness and healthy and live for his Glory and Grace, I was saved from death itself and that days were the most fearful, sad and worrying of my life, It felt just like if I was sick and was going to die and this feeling I pray in Jesus you never had to go trought it to learn the lesson, really the bible is serious when it says that sin could lead you to death, that it is why we have to commite ourselves, I encourage you to take a firm position on this matter, for your sake, and I hope this could ring your ears every time temptation is coming, it is really a hard way to learn but the love of God has no limits, the sin cloud your judgment and eyes and change the reality base on the premises needs of the flesh, I work now as a minister on a church, I study theology and God has lead me to great things in service on His beloved church, I am more than able and a champion to conquer this world and you also are, not in our strenght but in Jesuschrist, God Bless you.
English 101 has taught me that if you want to be persuasive, you shouldn’t make a run on sentence that long. It indicates a lack of education. Also, The pope himself on homosexual marriage said “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”. Statements that compare homosexuality to bestiality are harmful to people who are gay, which is not Christian. I’ve met many gay people, and none of them became gay from watching porn. Porn is harmful, but it doesn’t turn you gay. If you like gay porn, you are gay and always have been since you were born. Any amount of research should show you that when they expose straight men to gay porn, it does not make them gay. I’ve seen gay porn, and it didn’t do anything for me. If they do something for you, you are gay or bisexual, and there is nothing wrong with that. Anti-gay statements like that turn people away from Christ, thereby un-spreading the word of god.
What helped me stop watching porn was to hang out with friends a lot. I wouldn’t call what I had a porn addiction, but it is defiantly hard to masturbate or watch porn next to an anti-porn feminist friend during a sleep over. Just schedule constant hang outs for a while, and the worst of it will be over soon. It’s fun because your hanging out with friends, so there’s no temptation to not call some guy. I think this is definitely something worth trying.
As a side note, if you end up having sex with someone/making love, you should at least use a condom. Before you think about having a baby, consider all of the children who are starving. If you have a baby, the food will only become more scarce, and more children will die. Please consider adoption.
And if you want to give up porn but aren’t sick and tired of it, then what? Also, I can’t confide or be accountable to a guy friend because I’m addicted to gay porn.
Hi Struggling,
Good questions. First, I would ask you: Do you at least wish you were sick and tired of it? The fact that you aren’t sick and tired of it but you know that you aren’t is exactly where you need to be: you are coming face to face with your own helplessness, which is exactly where God comes to rescue us. Watch this video with Christian counselor Winston Smith about this idea.
Second, the only way I know to be truly free from porn always begins with brutal honesty before other people. Yes, you could tell someone and they might reject you, or they might show you love and support, but either way, until you push through the what-if fears and talk to someone, you’ll forever be hiding in the dark. You could always look for a counselor to talk with as well, if you are willing to go that route.
Hi, i have been on porn for 2 years now and im quite dissappointed on my porn and masturbating habits. Whenever i masturbate and look porn, i realize about what i have been doing and i sometime cry and ask for forgiveness, but the result is same, after 1 or 2 days that awful spirit is always back and i’m sick and tired of it plzzzz hellllpppppp!!
Hi Robert,
Tell me more. What have you done to stop this habit?
I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for 5 yrs now. I was 16 and a virgin when it all started. That means I broke my ‘virginity’ with porn and it’s very true , cos I had my first ever ejaculation to porn. and it was the very first porn I watched. I have real sex too but I don’t enjoy sex with the women/girls, rather, I enjoy ejaculating with porn…. I don’t like it that way though……. I don’t know if there are stupid and foolish people who are like me on earth. As a result of my addiction,I seem to have a very low self esteem, am becoming less confident and shy and it’s very difficult ,yes extremely difficult to approach girls. I only do approach them when am drunk. I really need to stop masturbating, I need to eliminate porn. I want to stop please, ×crying×. I. want to stop, someone please help me.
What steps have you taken to stop?
There is a verse in Romans 8v25. Sin is in the heart of every person; but not in our mind. Romans 8v25 tell us with the mind i serve GOD and with the flesh sin. How will this work is daily practice; take your mind and separate it from your heart/fresh. How is this possible? Your mind is your thinking tool, when you feel the burning in your heart to look at porn, dont let your thinking tool ponder on it, but take your thinking tool and think about GOD; then your mind will serve GOD and the flesh will serve porn. Your power is in the mind, its a neutral place where you can bruise the head of porn everytime. Abram open the gates of hell within mankind when he disobey GOD commandments is why we all have sin.
i know i may have replied way later from when you sent this, but this may help somebody else:
do not think you are hopeless , you are not stupid, the devil only wants you to think so and that is why he would like you to continue this evil, so that you may think that God has forsaken you and that he has disowned you. But tell you what: God loves you and each morning he wakes you up alive is an opportunity he is giving you to change your ways. Do not give up, God will see that you are trying so hard and will give you strength to overcome. You may not immediately stop but with time God will help you to come up victorious. Keep on praying, tell yourself that you are a child of God and you love Him.
One church pastor told me that we should not have discussions with the devil. When Eve was tempted in the garden of Eden, it was because she considered what the devil had said and she discussed with him.She should have run away immediately, just like joseph who ran away from Portiphr’s wife. So when the thought crosses your mind to watch this evil, run away from it immediately, don’t give the devil time to give you such suggestions.
the other advice is: when everyone else is going to sleep, go to sleep as well because temptations come when you are alone.
l’ve been addicted to porn since l was 10 years old and now i’m now 19 and it still torments me.l want to quit caused i’m losing my faith in God and l now lack the confidence to approach ladies.l need help
Hi Adolph,
I don’t know the details of your story, but I think there are a lot of things you can do to get started.
First, there’s a book you can get for free called Your Brain on Porn (you can download a digital copy right now). Read it and think of ways you can begin to put it into practice.
Second, I highly recommend you talk to good Christian friends about this issue. You need accountability in your life. Who have you told about this? If you need ideas, you can download another free book called Coming Clean. It is all about how accountability can overcome the power of lust.