Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
hello everyone. iam Amin, Nigerian. i’ve been addicted to porn given my years of watching, although i’ve been trying to quit since the last 5 years but annoyingly, i usually find myself browsing, watching and downloading this ugly stuff. i’ve tried different methods but all to no avail. while marriage may solve the problem to a large extent, does it means that one can never stop once one start? need answers please……
Hello, what have you tried from the blog post? There are 6 things listed. One must be willing to do anything to quit or it will keep coming back.
Chris
Mayor
I’ve been off and on on porn for a long time. sometimes, I stop watching it for more than a month before some silly event happened at work or home then I go back to it. now I feel like I won’t be able to get out of it even though I’ve been praying to Jesus Christ for help. at a time in my life Jesus is all that matter’s but now I can’t even focus on Him or my study . reading the Bible become hard and boring. if you can help please message me at adewumioluwamayowamoses@gmail.com
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. What have you tried? The blog post provides some essential steps for breaking free but before I offer my thoughts, it would help to know what has or has not worked. God is for you! You can’t do this alone.
Chris
Paul
Gavin, God LOVES you and he will never leave you or forsake you, that is his Word and promise to all. He loves us right in the struggle of our sin, whatever it is. 2 Corinthians 12: 9 about Paul’s “thorn in the flesh”.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”.
In my own struggles, I have found that to be true, Jesus is our GRACE, and His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. Gavin, you run to Jesus in prayer, cry out to Him, tell him what you want HIM to do for you. He knows your struggle before you ask. He created you and He alone can heal you and your hurt. You have 3 strong powers in Christ Jesus, HIS NAME, HIS BLOOD, and HIS WORD, learn of them and use them. Come against temptation by using God’s Word, when ungodly thoughts begin, I will quote 2 Corinthians 10:5, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Ephesians 6:12 says, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. God used the Word to defeat satan and you also can use His Word to defeat him against struggles.
I PRAISE God for the Power of His Word. Books are great, counselors are great, but Jesus is greater than all and He does use people to help us sometimes. Be encouraged today Gavin, Jesus has won our victory in every temptation and struggle and you are not alone.
I have read a lot of comments here but I can categorically submit that no one here is as addicted as I am. Though I was masturbating without porn before, I started masturbating in 1999 when one of our neighbors thought me how to. ( Till today I still course that day and that guy.) I was only eleven then. Thereafter he told me how pleasurable it was and propelled me to do it. That was the day my sinking hole was dogged.
I continued masturbating without porn then until around 2006. That was when I graduated from high school. How it degenerates into porn I cannot tell. Initially, I was buying porn CDs and DVDs knowing that internet porn is expensive but, with the advent of free uncountable internet porn sites I sank deeper in that hole. I could spend all night watching porn. This has been happening for over 10 years.
I have read a lot of books but still no avail, I only quit for about two to six months initially but these days after three to seven days I am back to it. Being a computer expert I know how I can recover my deleted porn videos on my computer, on my smartphone I even know how I can hide it from anyone.
I have promised never to watch porn over 1000 times but I am still in it. I can hardly tell you 5 of the name of celebrities in normal movies but I can list you over 60 names of pornstars.
Because of this deep addiction, I sometimes feel suicidal intent. This addiction is affecting my life greatly in the sense that I am supposed to be much more than where I am in every area of my life. My relationship is in shamble, I see women like a piece of trash, I am hollow within. I have been hurting my wife emotionally since we got married I cannot even command her respect for I am no longer man enough for what sort of a man will not make love to his wife for more than six months. I prefer to masturbate to porn other than to have sex with my wife. I am a living dead and I know it. I wish to stop it but I cannot. Porn is just too powerful.
Please, Covenant Eye please do all you can to help me out of this hole for I have hit the bottom. All I need now is help, help, and help. And I will forever be grateful.
You were a victim of child sexual abuse. It’s very common for victims to reenact the abuse they have suffered, and it sounds to me like this is what’s been happening for you. Pleace find a therapist who can help you process the trauma you suffered in childhood.
Peace to you,
Kay
Sunny
You might feel like you are the only one that is as much addicted as you are, but I will promise you that regardless of the replies here that you are not. Except for the first part in your story I recognize each single part of it in my own life.
We all get addicted one way or the other, at the end they are all the same. The devil has his sophisticated way to get everyone in his path.
I recognize all the bad aspects of a porn addiction, I have no doubt it’s destroying my life, that it is blocking true potential, but it is sooooo hard to find strength. So hard, so hard! No one here will deny that I suppose.
I really wonder from time to time what it is that we need to stop. How far do we allow our lives to be destroyed until we realize it is enough. How far for real? How much do we allow the devil to take away from us? And why?
I know the feeling of being free, but not ‘truly’ free. I simply do not have the strength yet. I want to though…I really do!
I keep trying time after time and I will certainly not give up. It’s a rotten root that has grown to deep inside of us, physically and mentally!
I will try to pray for all of us, including myself, to be able to step in the Light and stay in the Light!
Gavin hrdlichka
Hey, my name is Gavin hrdlichka, I turn 15 next week, and that marks my 4.5th year of using porn. It is exteamly painful looking back that far. I need real help. My parent have blocked just about every possible way for Internet at my house, for a good reason, but I always find a way to access something bad, I am a good hacker btw, but not for a good purpose. I would consider myself to be a smart person and a semi mature teen, my parents did good on raising. Some personal aspects are that I am really tall, thin, but am starting to body build to keep the guilt of porn off my shoulders. And I go to a college high school called cecfc. Every one likes my, but when it comes to relationships, I feel lonely and scared. When this one girl and I were ‘dating’ I felt full and for the whole time I never used porn or master bated, not even real sex. I felt like an honorable guy for like 4 months! But when things started to crumble, due to me being oblivious to like every thing ( I have add), I lost it, like real bad. I would search for every possible jpg, MP4, vid or connection to images possible! I am so done with this shit, really! I am Christian, but I am working on a better foundation with a new church. I have tried to find people to help, and for accountability, but I can’t find anyone right. I am a broken guy right now. I need a better new year, 2018.
Please help. Please 😭😔
Hi Gavin,
I’m a counselor and a mom, and your letter here just breaks my heart for you. I think it’s really normal to feel scared about relationships, and I think you’re so wise to recognize this in yourself. I also appreciate that you’re able to recognize how your body image impacts you as well. Seeing how the pain of your breakup contributed to an upswing in porn use is really wise as well. These are great insights for someone so young, and I think this kind of insight will serve you well in the future. When we allow ourselves to feel how we feel, and to recognize the truth about ourselves, then we can make better choices about what to do with those feelings. I think “accountability” is good IF IF IF it really helps us address the PAIN that drives the behavior. If you can find a person or two who can dive into the pain with you and help you feel connected and not so lonely and scared, I think that might be a real help to you. I don’t know if your dad might be able to do that? Or a good friend? Maybe even a counselor, if your parents would be willing to help with that? I think you need someone you can be really honest with about your emotional life, because I think you can see that the porn use is really a symptom of the pain. It’s fine to treat the symptoms, but getting at the root of the problem–loneliness, fear, pain, lack of connection–that will be really useful to your long-term healing. Peace to you, Kay
Amar
Hi I got addicted to porn when I was, around 16 and it effected my academic so I decide to quit porn and I left porn for about an year and got good A in my class 10 but I don’t know I am again addicted to porn and I am not able to focus properly on academics and work. I love to study but not able to focus those annoying thought come to me plz anyone help me
Hi Amar, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Can I ask some direct questions? When you look at the 6 items listed in the blog post, which have you tried? Have you gotten rid of your phone? Do you have accountability in your life? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? You will not be able to break free unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break free. Counseling, dumb phone, whatever it takes! Are you willing to do that?
Listen – you quit once and you will quit again. Fall down seven times, but get up eight times. Right?
God is for you! You can do this! But, you have to be willing to “pluck out your eye” before God can really help you. It’s your choice.
Chris
grace
I’m 16 and want to quit watching porn. It’s making me miserable. One minute I want to and another it looks disgusting to me. And I even tell anyone.
Chris McKenna
Hello, Grace – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. When you read the list of activities in the blog post, have you tried these? Have you actually gotten rid of the problematic devices? What about Accountability? Just telling anyone isn’t quite the same as really wanting to quit, closing the doors to porn, and doing whatever it takes to live porn-free. I wish you the very best.
Hi, Mordecai – being open is good. Nice job. Please hear me on this – you are loved. There’s nothing wrong with you. And, you are not alone. I’ve been there and understand where you are.
It sounds like you want to do the right thing. So, here’s the issue – the choice is yours. No one can stop you from looking at porn. NO ONE! If you’re a Christian teenager, then it’s time to start believing that you’re a child of God. We were made for more. It’s time to be men. It’s time to love and respect the women around us AND on our screens. Even if they don’t respect themselves, WE have to decide to choose respect for them. This is on us. No more excuses. More than conquerors! Read Romans 8, all of it, to see what you were created to be. A warrior. Fearless. Of God. Untouchable. Unshakable. Settle for nothing less! Is your phone the issue? Then get rid of it. Do you struggle at night? Then no internet after 9pm. Do you masturbate? Then tell someone it’s a problem and admit when you’re struggling. How badly do you want this? You have to want it.
Let me be lovingly honest with you – you can’t do this alone. 1-on-1 with technology, whether you’re 14 or 43 (like me), you will eventually lose. The Internet will wear you down. It is a heat-seeking missile for our weaknesses.
I have faith in you. God is rooting for you! And, I am, too.
Peace, Chris
Nate
Hi. Was very happy to see other people who had the same problem as me. Well not happy but it gave me hope. I have decided to try to quit porn. I quit alcohol and pills . Dealt with addiction for years . But I don’t know what to do with this one .
Hi, Nate – well, this blog post has some great advice. People often glance over the first one in the list. Actually making a FIRM DECISION about this issue. You seriously have the power to overcome this. Make a clear and effective decision. Then, ask yourself, “am I willing to do whatever it takes to remove this issue from my life?” Dumb phone. Therapy. Accountability. Confession. WHATEVER IT TAKES. If the answer is no, and you don’t really want to quit, then you won’t. I hope the best for you!
Regards, Chris
rabih ramadan
hi my name is rabih and I’ve been a porn addict for as long as I can remember it really destroyed my social life and my acedemics I don’t have any friend or family members that will understand it and I was really hopinh for someone to help me and hear me out.
thank you.
Hi, Rabin – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Have you tried a forum where you might find others who will understand your situation? Nofap.com has a lot of forums, if that’s an alternative to finding someone to talk to.
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hello everyone. iam Amin, Nigerian. i’ve been addicted to porn given my years of watching, although i’ve been trying to quit since the last 5 years but annoyingly, i usually find myself browsing, watching and downloading this ugly stuff. i’ve tried different methods but all to no avail. while marriage may solve the problem to a large extent, does it means that one can never stop once one start? need answers please……
I’m 34 and I’ve been beatin’ this sumbitch everyday since I was 15. Almost 20 years. I do want to quit. HELP!
Hello, what have you tried from the blog post? There are 6 things listed. One must be willing to do anything to quit or it will keep coming back.
Chris
I’ve been off and on on porn for a long time. sometimes, I stop watching it for more than a month before some silly event happened at work or home then I go back to it. now I feel like I won’t be able to get out of it even though I’ve been praying to Jesus Christ for help. at a time in my life Jesus is all that matter’s but now I can’t even focus on Him or my study . reading the Bible become hard and boring. if you can help please message me at adewumioluwamayowamoses@gmail.com
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. What have you tried? The blog post provides some essential steps for breaking free but before I offer my thoughts, it would help to know what has or has not worked. God is for you! You can’t do this alone.
Chris
Gavin, God LOVES you and he will never leave you or forsake you, that is his Word and promise to all. He loves us right in the struggle of our sin, whatever it is. 2 Corinthians 12: 9 about Paul’s “thorn in the flesh”.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me”.
In my own struggles, I have found that to be true, Jesus is our GRACE, and His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. Gavin, you run to Jesus in prayer, cry out to Him, tell him what you want HIM to do for you. He knows your struggle before you ask. He created you and He alone can heal you and your hurt. You have 3 strong powers in Christ Jesus, HIS NAME, HIS BLOOD, and HIS WORD, learn of them and use them. Come against temptation by using God’s Word, when ungodly thoughts begin, I will quote 2 Corinthians 10:5, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Ephesians 6:12 says, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. God used the Word to defeat satan and you also can use His Word to defeat him against struggles.
I PRAISE God for the Power of His Word. Books are great, counselors are great, but Jesus is greater than all and He does use people to help us sometimes. Be encouraged today Gavin, Jesus has won our victory in every temptation and struggle and you are not alone.
God Bless you!
I have read a lot of comments here but I can categorically submit that no one here is as addicted as I am. Though I was masturbating without porn before, I started masturbating in 1999 when one of our neighbors thought me how to. ( Till today I still course that day and that guy.) I was only eleven then. Thereafter he told me how pleasurable it was and propelled me to do it. That was the day my sinking hole was dogged.
I continued masturbating without porn then until around 2006. That was when I graduated from high school. How it degenerates into porn I cannot tell. Initially, I was buying porn CDs and DVDs knowing that internet porn is expensive but, with the advent of free uncountable internet porn sites I sank deeper in that hole. I could spend all night watching porn. This has been happening for over 10 years.
I have read a lot of books but still no avail, I only quit for about two to six months initially but these days after three to seven days I am back to it. Being a computer expert I know how I can recover my deleted porn videos on my computer, on my smartphone I even know how I can hide it from anyone.
I have promised never to watch porn over 1000 times but I am still in it. I can hardly tell you 5 of the name of celebrities in normal movies but I can list you over 60 names of pornstars.
Because of this deep addiction, I sometimes feel suicidal intent. This addiction is affecting my life greatly in the sense that I am supposed to be much more than where I am in every area of my life. My relationship is in shamble, I see women like a piece of trash, I am hollow within. I have been hurting my wife emotionally since we got married I cannot even command her respect for I am no longer man enough for what sort of a man will not make love to his wife for more than six months. I prefer to masturbate to porn other than to have sex with my wife. I am a living dead and I know it. I wish to stop it but I cannot. Porn is just too powerful.
Please, Covenant Eye please do all you can to help me out of this hole for I have hit the bottom. All I need now is help, help, and help. And I will forever be grateful.
You were a victim of child sexual abuse. It’s very common for victims to reenact the abuse they have suffered, and it sounds to me like this is what’s been happening for you. Pleace find a therapist who can help you process the trauma you suffered in childhood.
Peace to you,
Kay
You might feel like you are the only one that is as much addicted as you are, but I will promise you that regardless of the replies here that you are not. Except for the first part in your story I recognize each single part of it in my own life.
We all get addicted one way or the other, at the end they are all the same. The devil has his sophisticated way to get everyone in his path.
I recognize all the bad aspects of a porn addiction, I have no doubt it’s destroying my life, that it is blocking true potential, but it is sooooo hard to find strength. So hard, so hard! No one here will deny that I suppose.
I really wonder from time to time what it is that we need to stop. How far do we allow our lives to be destroyed until we realize it is enough. How far for real? How much do we allow the devil to take away from us? And why?
I know the feeling of being free, but not ‘truly’ free. I simply do not have the strength yet. I want to though…I really do!
I keep trying time after time and I will certainly not give up. It’s a rotten root that has grown to deep inside of us, physically and mentally!
I will try to pray for all of us, including myself, to be able to step in the Light and stay in the Light!
Hey, my name is Gavin hrdlichka, I turn 15 next week, and that marks my 4.5th year of using porn. It is exteamly painful looking back that far. I need real help. My parent have blocked just about every possible way for Internet at my house, for a good reason, but I always find a way to access something bad, I am a good hacker btw, but not for a good purpose. I would consider myself to be a smart person and a semi mature teen, my parents did good on raising. Some personal aspects are that I am really tall, thin, but am starting to body build to keep the guilt of porn off my shoulders. And I go to a college high school called cecfc. Every one likes my, but when it comes to relationships, I feel lonely and scared. When this one girl and I were ‘dating’ I felt full and for the whole time I never used porn or master bated, not even real sex. I felt like an honorable guy for like 4 months! But when things started to crumble, due to me being oblivious to like every thing ( I have add), I lost it, like real bad. I would search for every possible jpg, MP4, vid or connection to images possible! I am so done with this shit, really! I am Christian, but I am working on a better foundation with a new church. I have tried to find people to help, and for accountability, but I can’t find anyone right. I am a broken guy right now. I need a better new year, 2018.
Please help. Please 😭😔
Hi Gavin,
I’m a counselor and a mom, and your letter here just breaks my heart for you. I think it’s really normal to feel scared about relationships, and I think you’re so wise to recognize this in yourself. I also appreciate that you’re able to recognize how your body image impacts you as well. Seeing how the pain of your breakup contributed to an upswing in porn use is really wise as well. These are great insights for someone so young, and I think this kind of insight will serve you well in the future. When we allow ourselves to feel how we feel, and to recognize the truth about ourselves, then we can make better choices about what to do with those feelings. I think “accountability” is good IF IF IF it really helps us address the PAIN that drives the behavior. If you can find a person or two who can dive into the pain with you and help you feel connected and not so lonely and scared, I think that might be a real help to you. I don’t know if your dad might be able to do that? Or a good friend? Maybe even a counselor, if your parents would be willing to help with that? I think you need someone you can be really honest with about your emotional life, because I think you can see that the porn use is really a symptom of the pain. It’s fine to treat the symptoms, but getting at the root of the problem–loneliness, fear, pain, lack of connection–that will be really useful to your long-term healing. Peace to you, Kay
Hi I got addicted to porn when I was, around 16 and it effected my academic so I decide to quit porn and I left porn for about an year and got good A in my class 10 but I don’t know I am again addicted to porn and I am not able to focus properly on academics and work. I love to study but not able to focus those annoying thought come to me plz anyone help me
Hi Amar, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Can I ask some direct questions? When you look at the 6 items listed in the blog post, which have you tried? Have you gotten rid of your phone? Do you have accountability in your life? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? You will not be able to break free unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break free. Counseling, dumb phone, whatever it takes! Are you willing to do that?
Listen – you quit once and you will quit again. Fall down seven times, but get up eight times. Right?
God is for you! You can do this! But, you have to be willing to “pluck out your eye” before God can really help you. It’s your choice.
Chris
I’m 16 and want to quit watching porn. It’s making me miserable. One minute I want to and another it looks disgusting to me. And I even tell anyone.
Hello, Grace – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. When you read the list of activities in the blog post, have you tried these? Have you actually gotten rid of the problematic devices? What about Accountability? Just telling anyone isn’t quite the same as really wanting to quit, closing the doors to porn, and doing whatever it takes to live porn-free. I wish you the very best.
Chris
I’m also a porn addict,I started masturbating at age 12 now I’ll be 14 soon but I’m still an addict, I’m trying but failing as well..I need advice
Hi, Mordecai – being open is good. Nice job. Please hear me on this – you are loved. There’s nothing wrong with you. And, you are not alone. I’ve been there and understand where you are.
It sounds like you want to do the right thing. So, here’s the issue – the choice is yours. No one can stop you from looking at porn. NO ONE! If you’re a Christian teenager, then it’s time to start believing that you’re a child of God. We were made for more. It’s time to be men. It’s time to love and respect the women around us AND on our screens. Even if they don’t respect themselves, WE have to decide to choose respect for them. This is on us. No more excuses. More than conquerors! Read Romans 8, all of it, to see what you were created to be. A warrior. Fearless. Of God. Untouchable. Unshakable. Settle for nothing less! Is your phone the issue? Then get rid of it. Do you struggle at night? Then no internet after 9pm. Do you masturbate? Then tell someone it’s a problem and admit when you’re struggling. How badly do you want this? You have to want it.
Let me be lovingly honest with you – you can’t do this alone. 1-on-1 with technology, whether you’re 14 or 43 (like me), you will eventually lose. The Internet will wear you down. It is a heat-seeking missile for our weaknesses.
I have faith in you. God is rooting for you! And, I am, too.
Peace, Chris
Hi. Was very happy to see other people who had the same problem as me. Well not happy but it gave me hope. I have decided to try to quit porn. I quit alcohol and pills . Dealt with addiction for years . But I don’t know what to do with this one .
Hi, Nate – well, this blog post has some great advice. People often glance over the first one in the list. Actually making a FIRM DECISION about this issue. You seriously have the power to overcome this. Make a clear and effective decision. Then, ask yourself, “am I willing to do whatever it takes to remove this issue from my life?” Dumb phone. Therapy. Accountability. Confession. WHATEVER IT TAKES. If the answer is no, and you don’t really want to quit, then you won’t. I hope the best for you!
Regards, Chris
hi my name is rabih and I’ve been a porn addict for as long as I can remember it really destroyed my social life and my acedemics I don’t have any friend or family members that will understand it and I was really hopinh for someone to help me and hear me out.
thank you.
Hi, Rabin – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Have you tried a forum where you might find others who will understand your situation? Nofap.com has a lot of forums, if that’s an alternative to finding someone to talk to.
Regards,
Chris