About the author, Kristen Clark

Kristen Clark is married to her high school sweetheart, Zack, and has a background in Biblical counseling, young women's ministry, teen mentoring, online blogging, and is the co-founder of GirlDefined Ministries. She and her sister, Bethany, are passionate about fighting feminism, embracing gender distinctions, and empowering young women to live out their God defined purpose. You can read her weekly blog posts at girldefined.com or follow her on Facebook at facebook.com/girldefined.

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More Than Single

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Many single people believe they have no recourse other than turning to porn to deal with their loneliness and their sexual desires. In More Than Single: Finding Purpose Beyond Porn, we help singles discover freedom from porn and joy in their circumstances.

9 thoughts on “For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-Honoring Way

  1. Question for the author Kristen. Did you actially stop masturbation and looking at porn for long periods of time as a single person?

    I ask because I am a single guy who has not looked at porn or masturbated in over two years, and well I applied different verses than you do to over come my addiction. If you want to read my story you can find it at singlevsporn.com but I dont think addiction recovery is as simply as this article seems to want to make it.

    • I pitty you. You probably werent addicted to porn you were just horny… Like most people thanks to biology we have sex drive to sustain human race. There is nothing bad about being horny, or watching porn when you are horny.

      Trying to stop masturbating or having sex (belive it or not but for your brain they are pretty similar) is like trying to stop eating or breathing. Its a basic biological need that every heatlhy human has. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to being ashamed of your needs.

      Alright i don’t belive in Jahve or any other god for that matter. I’m not againts it as long as you keep your faith to your self. But when i read this website i pitty everyone who belives this crap you are shamed for being normal human.

      Now if you talk about filtering porn from children thats another thing but adults? Now i know i can be seen as antichrist (if you saw me in real life you would probably think i came from hell :D) but if you don’t belive me read some studies and you will see what i mean.

      Either way good luck and take care

    • Hi,I’m almost 38 years old very attractive single mother.I’m a Bible school graduate and I’d love to think about myself as a devoted Christian.I’ve always had the desire to get married (since I was 12) and unfortunately I have a very strong sexual desire. Unfortunately,God hasn’t send me the right person to get married to (I got married once to a very wrong person).So therefore my very strong sexual desire is a real curse for me!!!!!I prayed and prayed for husband as well as for a gift of celibacy (which I believe is a real gift) at times.The only thing I look forward to is in heaven there won’t be marriage and in fact we won’t have a gender.My biggest salvation from this real torture of life!!!!!

    • Hey Klara,
      Celibacy is not the only gift! Your sex drive is a gift, too. Like any gift, we have to learn how to manage ourselves in healthy ways. There’s been so much shaming of sexuality in the church, both for men and for women, that it’s hard for us to have an objective view of ourselves. Seeing yourself as wrong and broken doesn’t help you live with the reality of who you are. Try out self-acceptance for a while and see where that gets you instead!
      Kay

  2. Perhaps the passage that says “better to marry than to burn” also applies. Ask yourself what the non-biblical barriers are to you getting married are? Do you agree that you should get your degree and get a job first? Do you believe that you should spend the bulk of your 20s engaged in a series of monogamous celibate relationships to discern what kind of man or woman you should get married to when you are in your 30s?

    I used to wonder why God gave me the peak of my libido at the age of 19 or 20. What was he thinking? Why not wait until I am “ready to be married” and then have my peak libido kick in? Now that I am older, I have become a strong advocate for marrying young with the only prerequisite that they be a fellow believer and that you are in love with them.

    But the cultural nonsense of “waiting until you are ready” has created the unsolvable dilemma of spending years in unfulfilled sexual desires using every known strategy of lust management. This is not biblical. The culture has figured out a solution to the trend of late marriage. It’s called fornication. For some it means one night stands and for others it means a series of monogamous sexual pre-marital relationships. Either way, it is sinful. So while you are deploying all of the anti-lust weapons of spiritual warfare, please understand that the Bible shows the way. Ladies, don’t be afraid to take a chance on that 20 year old guy who still lives with his parents. He won’t still be available when you are 30. Guys, you will not make it to 30 with your virginity intact unless you simultaneously lack most of the necessary social skills to woo and win a suitable wife.

  3. Where can one find help for a widow of a 35 yr. Marriage. Sexual struggles are so much harder since sex was part of my life for so long. Suddenly I’m like the lusting teenager again and I thought it would be much easier at my age.

  4. Thank you, God bless you more. What I wanna say is only this, just attach for me your daily or weekly posts on this my email accounts

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