About the author, Ella Hutchinson

Ella is a Licensed Professional Counselor and and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) who is passionate about advocating for partners of sex addicts by helping them to find their voice. She served for three years as a founding board member of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). Today, she proudly serves on the board of directors for the organization, Certified Sex Addiction Specialists-International (CSASI). Ella and her husband, Jeff, work together helping couples whose marriages have been invaded by sexual addiction.

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18 thoughts on “6 Ways to Raise a Sex Addict

    • Ella, I was raised to be a porn addict. I read this and since age six , my home life had all those elements. Many think this is a boys problem. Even though I’m not any active addict, I walk a thin line. Thank you for this article. It explained how I was primed to be as addict.

    • Nice article.
      I think this is some sort of illnesss,misery and weakness r things that expose us to such bad habits.
      Be practicing whatever religion u belong to.
      Keep urself busy and be a part of good friends and company, thats the only way stopping me from coming to this addiction for more then year.

  1. All but one of those apply to me. You literally just looked into my childhood and described everything I have lived, despite growing up in a “healthy, Christian home” by most standards. My parents are constantly praised for how they parent and the kids they are creating, and yet they have left all this room for sex addiction to flourish. Even as I’ve begun to see the truth in my childhood and parents, I cannot convince them that they did something wrong. It’s tough to live with that, especially while still in the home. Well-written!

    • At the end of the day, we’re all responsible for ourselves and our choices. While we may have all sorts of pain from our upbringings, what we each choose to do with that pain is up to us. You might want to find a counselor who can help you process these things and make healthy choices going forward. Peace to you, Kay

  2. Wow this really opened my eyes. I honestly didn’t realize how much of my Husbands upbringing opened the door for porn and lust addiction. Thank you for helping me understand my Man’s struggle just a little better. I think this will help heal some of my wounds too. God always know what we need and when we need it! :)

  3. This describes my childhood perfectly. And I’m a recovering sex addict.however, I’m thankful that I had such a dark childhood bc now I know what NOT to do with my two beautiful children ^-^

  4. Thank you for sharing. Helping to generate self-awareness like this is always a critical part of understanding the issues and dealing with them. It is a tough problem.

  5. Ella, this article totally explains my ex-husband’s family and childhood. Unfortunately, my ex-husband has never totally healed and still has many mental health issues, which is being passed onto our son (12 years old). I am fighting for my son, by bringing him to weekly therapy, keeping his teachers updated, and learning how to be assertive (or stand up for his needs in a healthy way). At my house, thankfully, none of those exist but all the positive aspects do exist. Of course, I do not want my son to go through the same experiences as his dad and just pray that his dad realizes what he is doing to his son (by treating him similar to how his parents were in his own childhood). Wonderful article! Thank-you!

  6. Ella,

    I took a telephone class from you 8 years ago. Thank You for having that available. In my town you couldn’t find anyone that knew anything like this.
    My ex destroyed me and my kids. Finding him master bating in front of kids or I should say they walked into the room. He chased woman that were my kids friends. Stold hundred of dollars every month to go to strip bars.
    After this long i finely after meeting a wonderful man I feel pretty normal.

  7. I am in sympathy with many who have posted on this blog. I too was raised the very same way as you described in your article, when I was 11 years old, I did get my hands on my first pornography and remember I am old school here and this was back in 1978 when we didn’t have computers or Iphones at the time. But I struggled too, with bad relationships due to not being able to open about my own feelings and it was generally discouraged. I know I am responsible for my own actions and I learned far better how to deal with issues, but I still struggle with a porn issue, so please pray for me. Thank you.

  8. This is a well researched article and so revealing the realities we live with. It has brought to us the parents the huge responsibility in bringing up our kids in purity sexually. Its not the matter of providing food, shelter, clothing, education and others but the article reminds us of this aspect of bringing up our kids. Thanks

  9. Excellent article! Not exactly related to the topic, but I have a question: I have noticed my older child (a girl, 4 y/o) rubs her genitals (clothes on) against her blanket, and my 2 y/o boy is starting to touch himself inside his diaper. I wanted to ask how exactly I should approach this. I want them to know feeling pleasure is normal but I don’t know if I should discourage what they do or if I should let them do it. I don’t want them to think sexual pleasure is bad, but I don’t want them to become obsessed with masturbation. Can you please give me some advice? Thanks.

    • Hi Kate,
      Well, it’s perfectly normal, as you said. I would say it’s best to talk openly and early with children about their bodies, naming the parts correctly, and acknowledging that yes, it does feel good when you do that. Also, it’s private! I think kids become obsessed with masturbation most often when there’s sexual trauma, and when there’s shame around it. So keeping things honest and open should be your best way forward. Not easy when many of us where shamed about sexuality as children, but we can do hard things! You might appreciate It’s So Amazing, by Robie Harris, to share with your kids.
      Peace to you,

  10. is it possible to take down my last post? Something in me feels uneasy… as though I’m taking back the forgiveness that I’ve been given, and that’s detrimental to my own healing.

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