The great military strategist Sun Tzu once said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” In the battle against porn, knowing your triggers and the triggers around you is critical to victory. Therapists often use the acronym “HALT” to…
Search Results for: porn addicts
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4 Reasons Shame Cripples Spouses of Addicts (and How to Overcome It)
“My husband is the sex addict; why should I feel shame?” For most healthy outsiders, the logical answer is, “You shouldn’t.” But for most spouses of sex addicts, the feeling of shame clings to us like a body suit. Shame can result from an overwhelming assault on our self-worth. It…
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How Many Women Watch Porn?
Despite the rising number of women who use pornography, women who struggle often feel alone. One woman, Kimberly, shares this story of how difficult it is to reach out for help: “Um, just so you know. I’m the one with the problem. I’m not calling because my husband or boyfriend…
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Pastors and Porn: Why We Struggle and the Help We Need
For 31 years, I was a senior pastor of three churches, ranging in membership from 200 to 2,000. For every one of those 31 years, I struggled with sex addiction. I know firsthand that pastors struggle with porn and sex addiction at alarming rates. Despite repeated visits to multiple therapists,…
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To the Teen Alone and Ashamed of Your Porn Use
Shame Has No Age Limit Shame affects kids, teens, and adults. I’ll never forget receiving a phone call from a distraught mother who found my website, and called to share the story of her 9-year-old son who had been sexually abused at a sleepover. He was now 11 and a…
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FAQ: What should I tell my kids about my husband’s porn problem?
Josh had been losing a battle against pornography and adultery for years when he decided he wanted to end his marriage. He had met someone new and wanted to move out, leaving his wife, Serena, devastated and alone. But Serena wasn’t the only one who suffered. He also left his children without…
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How to Experience Healthy Sexuality in a Broken World
Most of us think about sexuality as a very private compartment of our lives. Even in the innocence of childhood, we were subtly taught to treat everything sexual differently. We learned special names for our “private parts.” We were told not to touch or talk about those parts of our…
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Simple Steps to Defeat a Real-Life Monster
Are monsters real? When you think of a monster, what thoughts are conjured up in your mind? Is it an ugly beast with bad breath? Is it part human, part animal? Is it non-human and non-animal? Maybe it is its own species. Are they real or are they make-believe? Monsters…
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Your First Seven Days of Porn Recovery
While traveling recently, I attended a 12-step group. I enjoyed the meeting greatly, but was saddened by the lack of long-term sobriety in the room. Over half the guys admitted to acting out that week. What’s the take-away? The first seven days of recovery are the most important. For most…
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Day 10: The Science of Craving
Neuroscience knows that willpower is a function of the prefrontal regions of the brain. But our willpower can be thwarted by other parts of the brain that crave rewards and hold memories of how to get rewarding neurochemistry. Scientific studies confirm that using porn over and over actually reshapes these areas of the brain,…
