For too long, the evangelical community has treated sexual fantasies and sexual struggles as something to condemn. Addressing sexual fantasies through the lens of abhorrent behavior intensifies shame and therefore deepens your involvement in the very behavior you wish to stop. There is another approach. It begins by listening to…
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Blog Post
How to Preach About Porn Without Filling Your Email Inbox
Your Church Probably Needs to Talk More About Pornography “Now, I know I’m going to get a lot of emails about this…” It was a joke Noel made often. Noel is the lead teaching pastor at a megachurch in Michigan. As such, he’s the church’s most public face for several…
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Why Playboy Is Saying Goodbye to Nude Photos (and why I have mixed feeling about that)
Playboy magazine’s editorial team has just announced they will no longer be featuring nudity. I know what you’re thinking: “Um, what’s a magazine?” Playboy just had its 62nd birthday this month. On October 1, 1953, the 27-year-old Hugh Hefner incorporated HMH Publishing Co., and just a couple months later, the first edition…
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Effects of Porn: What Watching Porn Does to You and Those Around You
What are the effects of watching porn? Are there any? Some have argued it’s a safe way to enjoy guilt-free sex without harmful effects. One author at New York Times expressed this viewpoint: “[P]ornography can certainly have benefits. Counselors sometimes suggest it to help people become comfortable with a particular…
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Why Your Resolution to Quit Porn Will Fail Miserably (and how to succeed instead)
About 45% of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, and 88% of all resolutions end in failure. Your resolution this year might be to “lose weight,” “get organized,” or “quit smoking.” Regardless, there are good psychological reasons why most New Year’s resolutions, including the resolution to quit porn, fail. And when…
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Willpower in the Bible: Why “Trying Harder” Fails (and What Actually Works)
The Cycle of “I Promise” It’s Sunday night or Tuesday afternoon. Maybe you just closed a browser tab you shouldn’t have opened. Either way, something rises up inside you. It’s a mix of shame, resolve, and genuine desperation, and you make the vow: “I’m done. This time is different. I…
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Relaxation for Wives of Sex Addicts: Resting in Him
I began writing this series on soul-care about five years ago. After publishing the first two articles, my world was upended for the second time in my adult life. Once again, I found myself shattered. Although this crisis was not related to my husband’s recovery journey, it triggered layers of…
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5 Common Mistakes When Helping Wives of Porn Addicts in Our Churches
Whether you are a member of a congregation, a volunteer Sunday school teacher, a small group leader, or a pastor, statistics show that there is likely a woman in your congregation struggling with her husband’s pornography use. It stands to reason that a woman who belongs to a church (or…
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Faith Leaders: When We Blame Lust, We Intensify Sexual Sin
To be sure, lust is one of the most important contributing factors to sexual brokenness. But in our excessive focus on lust, we have lost sight of the other interrelated factor that drives sexual sin more than all the rest: anger. Despite the potential damage lust and anger cause, they…
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How Long Does It Take To Recover From Porn Addiction?
If you, a friend, spouse, or loved one is trying to overcome porn, you’ve probably wondered how long it takes to recover from porn addiction. Some people say two weeks; others say 30 days. Recovery programs typically suggest a 60- to 90-day timeline for recovery. Noted sex addiction expert Dr. Patrick…
