Women now make up 30% of all pornography users. For too long, society has presumed pornography to be an exclusively “man’s issue.”[i] The continued cultural silence for female pornography use has driven many women further into the shadows. Silence intensifies shame and therefore deepens your involvement in the very behavior…
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Blog Post
50 Things to Do Instead of Watching Porn
So you’re bored. Porn seems like a good way to fill time, right? Wrong. When you find yourself with nothing to do, it’s easy to turn to porn. Unfortunately, this only leads to false satisfaction and can further addiction. To curb boredom before you’re even feeling it, I want to…
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Talking to Your Daughter About Sex and Porn: A Stage-by-Stage Guide
When it comes to discussing sex and pornography, how soon is too soon? It’s a question many parents ask. They don’t want to overexpose their children or be guilty of stirring up temptation in their children’s lives. At the same time, they don’t want to risk missing their cue and…
Blog Post
What Your Sexual Fantasies (Might) Say About You
For too long, the evangelical community has treated sexual fantasies and sexual struggles as something to condemn. Addressing sexual fantasies through the lens of abhorrent behavior intensifies shame and therefore deepens your involvement in the very behavior you wish to stop. There is another approach. It begins by listening to…
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How to Preach About Porn Without Filling Your Email Inbox
Your Church Probably Needs to Talk More About Pornography “Now, I know I’m going to get a lot of emails about this…” It was a joke Noel made often. Noel is the lead teaching pastor at a megachurch in Michigan. As such, he’s the church’s most public face for several…
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Willpower in the Bible: Why “Trying Harder” Fails (and What Actually Works)
The Cycle of “I Promise” It’s Sunday night or Tuesday afternoon. Maybe you just closed a browser tab you shouldn’t have opened. Either way, something rises up inside you. It’s a mix of shame, resolve, and genuine desperation, and you make the vow: “I’m done. This time is different. I…
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5 Common Mistakes When Helping Wives of Porn Addicts in Our Churches
Whether you are a member of a congregation, a volunteer Sunday school teacher, a small group leader, or a pastor, statistics show that there is likely a woman in your congregation struggling with her husband’s pornography use. It stands to reason that a woman who belongs to a church (or…
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Effects of Porn: What Watching Porn Does to You and Those Around You
What are the effects of watching porn? Are there any? Some have argued it’s a safe way to enjoy guilt-free sex without harmful effects. One author at New York Times expressed this viewpoint: “[P]ornography can certainly have benefits. Counselors sometimes suggest it to help people become comfortable with a particular…
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Why Your Resolution to Quit Porn Will Fail Miserably (and how to succeed instead)
About 45% of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, and 88% of all resolutions end in failure. Your resolution this year might be to “lose weight,” “get organized,” or “quit smoking.” Regardless, there are good psychological reasons why most New Year’s resolutions, including the resolution to quit porn, fail. And when…
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Relaxation for Wives of Sex Addicts: Resting in Him
I began writing this series on soul-care about five years ago. After publishing the first two articles, my world was upended for the second time in my adult life. Once again, I found myself shattered. Although this crisis was not related to my husband’s recovery journey, it triggered layers of…
