I Plan on Objectifying my Wife. You Can’t Stop Me! I recently wrote a Covenant Eyes article “What Christian Culture Has Gotten Wrong About Sexual Purity.” In it, I wrote: Satan’s definition of sex is that it’s all about body parts and it’s all about consuming another person to satisfy myself. It breaks my heart how the Christian subculture has blindly accepted this definition when God has something so much deeper and truer for us. In the comment section, some of what I wrote was met with confusion, which I hope to help clear up here. One commenter wrote: As … Continue reading →
That Time When Couples Therapy Didn’t Help I’ll never forget the day I walked out of therapy during early recovery. I left our therapist’s office crying, screaming, and slamming the door, vowing never to return. It’s safe to assume I was not pleased with how the session was going. At the time, I had not yet learned that what I was experiencing in relation to discovering my husband’s pornography addiction was betrayal trauma. Looking back, I realize my therapist had not yet learned that either. The scene just prior to my outburst had unfolded like this: Me: I wish I … Continue reading →
Marriages Need Trust and Respect Trust and respect are the concrete and re-bar of a strong marital foundation. If one or the other is missing, the marriage structure is weakened and subject to damage. When you and I chose the road to lust land, the erosion of your marriage foundation began. If you’re single, it holds true for any future marriage. This road is paved with destructive potholes. It’s a path of daily aggravation, and it’s no fun to drive on. Rebuilding trust is possible, but it will take hard work and significant time. Here are three action steps you can … Continue reading →
My wife Robin and I have been on a 15-year journey of recovery from the damage caused by my addiction to pornography, strip clubs, and masturbation. The shame of my 20-year relationship with pornography during our marriage led me to keep many secrets. As I dodged my wife’s questions and let embarrassing falls go undisclosed, I formed a kind of split identity. Although the good Christian man in me loved God and my wife, the sexual addict inside me resisted expectations, boundaries, and anything that felt like confinement. Desperate to be free, after a 40-day separation, I agreed to expectations … Continue reading →
What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You Imagine you go to the doctor and learn that you might have cancer. You are sent home and told to come back next week to find out. You don’t know if you have cancer, what kind, or your prognosis. Suddenly you don’t know what your future looks like or how much of a future you even have. As you look at your kids, you’ll wonder if they will have to grow up without a mom or dad. You don’t know your own reality anymore. What will you focus on during that next week? Will … Continue reading →