It seems like the phrase “My smokin’ hot” wife is coming into mainstream Christianity now. I have heard a number of preachers use the phrase from the pulpit, especially when they are sharing messages on sex.
And have you seen this video of a pastor at a NASCAR race praying, thanking God for the racetrack, the racing teams, the cars, the drivers, the cans of Sonoco fuel, and his smokin’ hot wife?
When pastors talk about their wives as “smokin’ hot” or call attention to their physical beauty in a sermon, I think they are:
- Trying to show their congregations that they love their wives and are attracted to them.
- Teaching that it’s OK to admire beauty and to be sexually attracted to one another.
- Showing genuine thankfulness to God.
- Saying to congregants indirectly, “hands off” my wife, she’s mine.
- Saying to congregants indirectly, “I’m taken,” I don’t need an adulterous relationship, I have a wonderful wife.
Using “smoking hot’ to describe your wife is fantastic, but I believe it needs to retreat to something you privately say to your wife. I don’t think we should be using this phrase publicly.
Why pastors shouldn’t say it publicly:
- It makes me want to check out your wife – When I hear anyone say he has a “smoking hot” wife, I want to check her out for myself. I want to rate her on the “smokin’ hotness” scale. You push my button and trigger me to check out your wife.
- Strong sexual connotations with the phrase in our culture – The phrase is already being used in our culture to describe Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends, Miss America, America’s Top Model, and the Hooter’s waitresses you saw during lunch. It’s not a phrase we need to “claim for Jesus” from our pulpits.
- Focuses on the wrong thing – The message a pastor is sending is “look at the package.” God teaches us to value women, honor them, love them.
- Has objectification written all over it – There’s a fine line between admiring beauty and objectifying. In a lust-driven society we may say we’re admiring beauty, but we’re really saying “I want that for my own visual or sexual pleasure.” When we objectify we don’t value the human being, we take in the picture, video, or live person in front of us for our own pleasure.
- What message is this sending to wives? – Wives have a hard enough time with low self-esteem when it comes to their image. Magazines and movies already teach women that image is the most important thing; they don’t need their pastor sending the same message.
- What if I don’t have a “smoking hot” wife? – Guys get jealous quick and covetous of another’s “smoking hot” wife whenever their relational intimacy at home is failing.
- Is the pastor more blessed for having a “smokin’ hot wife”? – Any wife is a blessing from the Lord. The illusion for some is that the holy guy gets the better looking women. Would you be thanking God for your “average looking” wife? Would you even acknowledge this from the pulpit?
Say it, but say it privately
I want to tell my wife that she’s beautiful. I’m attracted to her. I have this deep churning inside me that makes me want to shower my wife with complements, gifts, acts of service, and affection. It’s normal. It’s a God-given desire. And it’s what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. I shouldn’t be ashamed of the phrase, but I should use discretion as to where and when I use it.
To me my wife is “smokin’ hot.” It starts with me visually and admiring my wife’s physical beauty. But as I am growing in my sexuality, emotionally and relationally, I am finding deeper, more fulfilling connections with my wife. I am attracted to her physically, but I am more attracted to her strength of character, her ability to organize, her loyalty, her love for our children and her grace toward me.
Preachers, let’s move you and your “smokin’ hot” wife back to the bedroom.
Feedback
Q: What do you think?
Q: Are pastors doing a good thing when they call their wives “smokin’ hot”?
Q: Am I being hypersensitive about this?
Well written article regarding an area where Christians have the appearance of being no different than the world. The Church often doesn’t “look” much different than a secular, corporate organization. I think Jesus is sad, because of this fact :(.
I always have to question a pastor who claims sexyness, sexuality, or even sexual desire are a sin. Some of you are now saying that is lust and a sin. I didn’t say lust was not a sin. Sexual desire is as Godly as hunger, or thirst. God made us to desire sex, even pastors. He made sex very pleasurable, yes for pastors too. Because we all desire sex and are attracted to a certain look of a women…or a man for our female pastors, we are able to procreate mankind. ‘Go and be fruitful’. The sin comes from uncontrolled desires. Desires for which God has not ordained. Desiring your spouse sexually and publicly proclaiming should say to your congregation that God’s design and plan are in play in your relationship.
Why also do people assume recognizing your spouse is beautiful is objectifying? Was Solomon objectifying his beloved when he wrote, “Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense.” Songs 4:5-6. I think not. Physical beauty is an attribute of ones person. We don’t say we objectify someone when we declare their intellect, works or personality. No one attribute is more precious than the other. All that we are is what God made and those open to praise. Including our looks.
The sanctity of the marriage makes the comment not just OK but appropriate. If a pastor said the lady in the third row is ‘smoking hot’ that would be lust and sinful, not to mention creepy. I encourage pastors to preach the Word about all aspects of our lives including our sexuality. I also encourage pastors to respect they spouses and make sure they are comfortable with you mentioning them from the platform in anyway.
I think that the problem is more in how his comments (the pastor) will be perceived by the hearer. A few things that are wrong with this is: 1)Smoking hot wife seems to be aligned with the world (or non-believers). We should not have to validate our spouses (especially when the Word encourages modest dress/apparel). Personally, there is nothing more attractive than being discreet & modest in apparel & having confidence in your identity as it relates to what God says that you are, not man. 2) I feel that it’s over compensation for the world’s tolerance of homosexuality. I don’t think that this type of extremity helps in either case (be it homo or heterosexuality). I personally think that you open your spouse & yourself to temptations from outside sources (whether perceived or realized) & we don’t really need help in those areas (as sex driven as the world is currently). The best thing that the Pastor could display is his love & affection for his wife (giving the men the example of how to love the current/future wives) instead exclaiming how “smokin’ hot” she is (sparking curiousity of those outside; think Genesis 3; the woman SAW that the tree was good for food, plus men are visual creatures by nature; how does this help, again?).
I would love to know why so many of you assume the pastor is referring to what his wife looks like. Sounds to me like those who have focused on her appearance, when that is NOT what he said are the ones who focus on looks. “Smoking Hot” may, and very often has NOTHING to do with looks. It’s sad for me, as a woman, to read another woman saying that. Kudos to the Pastor for having a Smoking Hot wife and Kudos to his wife for making him feel that way.
I do not understand your comment at all. I have never heard this comment spoken when it did NOT mean “sexy or physically attractive.” What else could it possibly mean?
At the end of the book of Job, basically the Lord says in so many words, after listening to the boasts, feelings, and opinions of Job and his pseudo-friends, ‘Are you done talking now? Good, now I am going to speak…”Who is this who obscures My counsel with ignorant words? Get ready to answer Me like a man…Where were you when I established the earth?” (Job 38:2-4).
At the end of the day, God MUST have the last Word. I am convinced that word would be:
“Lord forbid me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified unto me and I unto the world” (Galatians 6:14).
There you have the template for the pure heart. If the motive is to boast, more than likely you will have a hard time even receiving this admonishment anyway, and remain “willfully ignorant.” Galatians 6:14 is a prayer…a pleading to God for His absolute disallowing of Paul’s propensity to boast in ANYTHING but the cross!
Our boasting in anything, yes even our ‘Smokin hot wife,’ is no different than taking a trip back in time to Calvary’s mount, walking up to the foot of the cross, looking Jesus in His sweaty bloody face of agonizing love, then to turn around to the scoffing crowd, and proceed to juggle…or whatever…and entertain the people with something you have. ‘Hey everyone, don’t look at Him…look at me! Look at what I can do! Pay no attention to Him, look at MY gifts… look at MY wife!”
“Lord forbid me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified unto me and I unto the world” (Galatians 6:14)
It’s time to put our foot down upon compromise!!! Jesus is worth it.
An obvious problem, here, is that the pastor condoned a Will Ferrell racing movie that sported this comment in the first place. Yes (albeit, a long time ago), I saw it. What I remember vividly is that scene where the prayer took place—it was vile, and even blasphemous! The problem isn’t that the pastor likes his wife (good for him!); it’s that he okay’d Hollywood’s portrayal of humor, adultery, ‘religion,’ and smut. Those things have no place at the throne of heaven.
I say he ought to be ashamed. Why should the world come to Christ if the pastor’s pulpit looks no different than a potty joke-laced movie screen?
Jeff,
I don’t have much to say, other than I agree with you, and your reasons are well thought out. It wasn’t clear to me if you thought someone should avoid complementing their wife’s looks altogether in public. I refer to my wife as “beautiful” in public, but that’s as far as I go concerning looks.
Jeff,
You are “Dead On” with this topic. I had an uneasy feeling when I viewed this pastor and his ‘prayer’. If I had prayed like that in public or referred to my wife as “smokin hot” in public, she would have left the venue and then we both would be embarassed. A slap across the face might be forthcoming.
:”JohnnyChristlike”, I don’t think Jesus would have referred to any woman in his company of disciples as “smokin hot”. I say this with as much love as possible, “if you are going to use the name ‘Christlike’ then act, write and talk like it. Change your ways or change your name!”
It is disturbing that four women spoke against the behavior of this pastor. Unless I read the names wrong, not one woman has gleefully supported him or encouraged their own husband to use the words “smokin hot”. Yet, barely four men spoke against this Pastor using his privileged of shepherd or husband.
As George stated earlier, we have set aside ‘sacred’ and replaced it with ‘relevant’. Jeff, George and I may be looked upon as corny…but I wonder who will still be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary with the same partner?
Ashley – Thanks so much for your thoughts. I know you’ve written so much in this direction on your blog. You have such good thoughts about where real beauty is. It’s so much deeper than the surface.
Jenna – I think the frog in the pot is a great analogy. Thanks for chiming in.
Good points! For me, personally, compliments weary me. I’m so tired of being centered on myself. I’ve looked through the Bible of instances when Jesus was mentioned by others… compliments, praises, or insults. And what I found was rather interesting… nowhere, however, did I find anything about Jesus having a beautiful face, in fact, I don’t think the words “He is so beautiful” were said to Him by anyone, yet He was the most beautiful. And He proved this in selfless, sacrificial, loving, difficult, humble actions, not the way His body looked.
Beauty is about so much more than appearances.
Beauty is this:
For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. —Matthew 23:12
We have becomes so attracted to pride in this world. So attracted to the glorification of self and appearances, that it has become so difficult for us to even desire humility.
Humble in the dictionary is:
to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.
to destroy the independence, power, or will of.
low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.
having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.
not proud or arrogant; modest
Prideful is:
a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
the state or feeling of being proud.
a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one’s position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.
pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself
The question we need to ask ourselves is…
What do I fall under? Do I have high self-esteem or consider myself inferior to others?
The things that I say of others, the things that I say of myself, the things that I say TO others… do they contribute to the pride in this world or the humility? Do I increase pride in others, or do I encourage them toward a life of humility?
James 4:6
“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
We have lost a desire for humility, and in turn (according to the verse above) we who are full of pride in ourselves have lost God’s favor.
I spent many nights crying myself to sleep because my husband looked at other women. I wanted to be physically attractive to the highest degree. I wanted high self-esteem (pride) and high-fives for my figure. I wanted others to feel inferior to me. I wanted to be superior. The best. The most beautiful woman in the world to my husband, and well, maybe to everyone else too.
I should have cried myself to sleep because of my own pride, instead of worrying so much about my appearance.
Forgive me for adding my thoughts, I hope it doesn’t offend anyone.
Glory to thee, O Lord. Help us.