Part of God’s kindness to us is that he wired us to be habitual. Habits are very good things. Habits make us better people. Imagine riding a bicycle while looking at your feet to make sure your feet are placed on the pedals. Imagine trying to type while watching your fingers make each key stroke. Imagine running while watching each foot placement on the road. Imagine trying to get out of bed in the morning, while focusing on each muscle movement to make sure they all move in an appropriate and synergetic way. Habits serve us well.
Have you ever arrived at some location like work and then reflected that you’re not sure how you got there? The reason for this is because you have made that trip to work hundreds of times. You know the route. You know what to expect. Though you are not on auto-pilot because you are paying attention to the drive, you’re not “overly aware” of all the non-essential aspects along the way.
When you first made the trip to work you noticed all kinds of things. You looked at this house and that house. You noticed where the gas stations were as well as any unusual things along your route. We cannot and should not have a hyper-awareness of everything along the route. This would be exhausting. By being habitual, we are able enjoy a freedom as we function in life.
The Upside of Habits
An illustration of a “freedom in function” is in our prayer life. It is a good thing to have a familiar location for the purpose of prayer. If you pray in a closet, for example, and have been praying in a closet for months or years, you have created an undistracted environment to focus on the important thing, which is unhindered talks with God.
When I first “carved out” my prayer spot, I was fully aware of all of my surroundings. When I first began to pray in my closet I noticed the clothes hanging down, the shoes on the floor, the light under the door, and the general layout of our closet. When I sit on the floor of our closet now, I have little to no awareness of these things. It is my habit to pray in the closet. My habits serve me to focus on what is important.
The Downside of Habits
While habits can be to our spiritual good, there are other habits that drive us to destruction. This is the essence of Galatians 6:1:
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. (ESV)
The word caught in this text does not mean, “I caught you” as though you were busted. It means you are in a trap as though it now owns you. It controls you. This happens because a person has participated in a certain sin over a period of time until he has created a situation to where when certain events or things happen, he immediately begins a sequence of thinking and doing that leads him to a behavioral sin.
A Case Study for Counselors
Pornography is the classic example of this. Joe has been struggling with porn for years. It is his habit and he has been captured by his lust for porn. His marriage is not what it ought to be. His wife, Marilyn, is negative and critical and Joe does not know how to lead, love, and disciple her. Both of them are selfish and have been unable to work on the real problems of their marriage.
The typical trigger which leads to Joe viewing porn is an argument with Marilyn. Joe is weary of her nagging. He also has a high view of himself, in that he believes he deserves better than what he is receiving from her (read: self-righteousness here). He would like for Marilyn to be something that she is not, and after an argument he begins to spiral down into self-pity. Again, he thinks he deserves better. Over the years, when these things happen, he has turned to pornography and masturbation as a way to “self-medicate” his sinful self-pity. He has habituated himself into porn.
The counselor has to take a three-pronged approach in order to help Joe and Marilyn:
- He needs to help Joe deal with the secondary issue, which is porn.
- He needs to help Joe see his self-righteousness, which is his core problem.
- He needs to help Marilyn see how her own self-righteousness, as modeled by her critical and negative disposition, is contributing to Joe’s porn and masturbation. While she is not responsible for Joe’s choice to sin, she is contributing to the problem in very real and practical ways.
