Defeat Lust & Pornography A young boy praying in a Catholic church.
Defeat Lust & Pornography 4 minute read

I Was an Altar Boy Addicted to Porn

Last Updated: June 10, 2024


Since I was young, I’ve battled with a deeply personal struggle: pornography and masturbation. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when this addiction took hold of me, but that first encounter remains etched in my memory. Instead of facing my emotions head-on, I sought refuge in the world of explicit content, using it as an outlet to escape reality. It was easier to bury myself in fantasies than to confront the challenges of everyday life.

As time went on, I felt an increasing disconnect from the people around me, especially my peers. I withdrew from face-to-face conversations, preferring the company of my desktop computer and video games. I became self-absorbed, convincing myself that if others didn’t want to be my friend, it was their loss. This warped perspective eroded my integrity and twisted my moral compass.

Growing up in a Catholic household, attending Sunday mass was a sacred tradition. For years, I served as the head altar server, filled with a genuine love for God. But as I entered high school and took on the role of an usher, I found myself going through the motions without truly understanding the essence of the mass.

My struggles made it difficult to connect with my parents and faith leaders, and I resorted to destructive behaviors like using food to cope with my addiction. These struggles fractured my relationship with my parents, shattered my self-image, and set me on a lifelong battle with lust and temptation. What began as innocent curiosity as a child has now become a constant uphill struggle that I must face every single day.

Reflecting on my journey, I am aware of the profound impact that pornography and masturbation have had on my life. This impact makes me determined to confront porn and masturbation head-on, using my experiences as stepping stones toward personal growth and freedom. With unwavering resolve and the invaluable support of the screen accountability app, I know I can overcome these obstacles and create a brighter future for myself—a future free from the chains that have held me back for far too long.
What victories have you experienced?

Throughout the past few years, I have been fortunate to experience numerous victories that have profoundly impacted my life. One transformative summer, I was invited to participate in FOCUS’s summer projects, an event that allowed me to immerse myself in a close-knit Catholic community of fellow college students who wholeheartedly embraced the teachings of the gospel. Living according to Acts 2:42, “They devoted themselves to the teaching of the apostles and to the communal life, to the breaking of the bread and to the prayers,” I encountered Jesus in the sacraments in a truly tangible way for the first time. This encounter not only deepened my understanding of the Eucharist and the Gospel but also highlighted areas of my life that required immediate change.

A year after Summer Projects, an opportunity arose for me to work with Totus Tuus, a Catholic youth summer camp, during my college break. While discerning my vocation at that time, I discovered that this particular path was not meant for me during the training process.
Surprisingly, it was during those subsequent nine months, where I dedicated my life solely to the Lord, that I experienced immense healing.

During this period of grace, I encountered several other victories. I found my fiancée, formed valuable connections within my local young adult ministry, and worked towards rebuilding my relationship with my parents. These triumphs were gifts from the Lord, granted to me as a result of my decision to prioritize His will above my own desires. They serve as a constant reminder of the importance of persevering in my faith journey. While these victories have been instrumental in my growth, they do not allow me to become complacent. On the contrary, they serve as fuel to continue fighting for the plans God has in store for me.

Living with integrity in today’s technology-driven world means consciously aligning our actions, behaviors, and choices with our core values, morals, and principles, even in the face of numerous temptations and challenges that technology presents. Firstly, living with integrity in the digital age requires self-awareness and self-control. It means recognizing the potential pitfalls and negative influences that technology can have on our lives, such as excessive use of social media, addiction to online gaming or pornography, and mindless consumption of digital content. By acknowledging these challenges, we can proactively take steps to set healthy boundaries, limit screen time, and prioritize meaningful activities and relationships offline.

Living with integrity in today’s technology-driven world means using technology as a tool for personal growth, learning, and positive change. By leveraging technology for productivity, creativity, and meaningful pursuits, we can make a positive impact both in our own lives and in the wider society. In essence, living with integrity in the context of today’s technology means maintaining a balance between embracing the benefits and opportunities that technology offers while also being mindful of its potential pitfalls and the ethical implications of our digital actions. It requires us to be intentional, responsible, and accountable for how we engage with technology, ensuring that our online presence and interactions reflect our values and contribute to a more virtuous and authentic digital landscape.

One of the most significant benefits of having accountability is the sense of responsibility it instills in an individual. When you are accountable to someone else, you are more likely to make better choices and remain committed to your goals. It’s much easier to let ourselves down than to disappoint someone else, and having an accountability partner ensures that we remain focused and dedicated.

Another advantage of accountability is the added perspective that an outsider can bring to our situation. When we’re struggling, it can be challenging to see the bigger picture or understand the root causes of our behavior. An accountability partner can provide a fresh perspective, helping us to identify triggers or patterns that we might not have noticed otherwise.

Covenant Eyes, in particular, offers a unique form of accountability that sets it apart from other apps. It not only blocks websites that may trigger negative behavior, but it also encourages you to talk to your ally. These conversations help to spark a deeper understanding of why we might be struggling and promote a sense of community by having an ally help us grow in holiness.

Overall, accountability is an essential tool that can help individuals overcome porn and masturbation. Whether it’s through a dedicated support system like Covenant Eyes or other forms of accountability, the benefits of having someone to answer to and provide guidance are immeasurable.

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