Throughout high school, I struggled with porn and masturbation. I knew it was a problem, but at the time I cared about my pleasure and satisfaction. I felt guilt and shame, but that just led me further into the dark and I hid my sin. Senior year of high school, I decided that I should stop, so I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. After a tearful night, the next morning I went to my parents and my mentor at the time and confessed my sin, and said I needed help. That was when I first started to take the fight seriously.
To have integrity is to be honest and morally pure. With technology, impure content is easier to access than ever before, and with cell phones, we all have our own private devices all for ourselves. In my opinion, the forces of lust and sexual sin are greater than they’ve ever been. All we have to do to access inappropriate content is open our phones and do a quick Google search. To have integrity with today’s technology is to keep our technology usage in the open to be seen so that we can live honestly and pure.
After deciding to take the fight against impurity seriously, I was free from masturbation and porn for a while, but temptation came after quite a long time and I gave in. When this happened, I felt like all my progress was for nothing. I felt like I was back at square one. I often go on hot and cold streaks, where I will be pure for a long while, but then give in for a while longer as well. For example, when I first came to college I had my longest purity stretch. I was pure for about 6 months. However, after I gave in, I ended up giving in consistently for a long stretch as well. God is still faithful to forgive if I come to him openly about my sins in repentance.
Every time I confess my sin, I consider it a victory. I acknowledge that what I do is wrong and am considered blameless once I confess my sin. Confessing to my parents was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I was completely ashamed of the way I’ve been living, and I thought that my parents’ perception of me would change once I confessed it. However, after confessing, my parents were extremely supportive and helpful, and they shared that they were proud of me for coming into the light.
Ever since then, I’ve only found people to be extremely supportive when confessing sins. Covenant Eyes has played a huge role in my fight against impurity. My phone has been on Covenant Eyes for a very long time, and knowing that it’s there helps me to stay away from inappropriate content on the internet. Ephesians 5:11-14 says:
“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, ‘Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’”
This verse discusses the importance of bringing sins to light, and without the help of Covenant Eyes and others to help me stay accountable, I know I would still be living in darkness.
