To truly understand pornography addiction, we must first define it and realize it is actually a type of sex addiction. Although there are many definitions for sex addiction, the one I like best was developed by Dr. Mark Laaser:
Sexual addiction is “any persistent and escalating unhealthy pattern of sexual behavior. It is compulsive in nature, and used to avoid or change feelings despite destructive consequences to self and others.”
According to Dr. Laaser, there are eight characteristics or warning signs of sexual addiction, which can also be applied to pornography addiction.
If you or someone you know uses pornography, these porn addiction signs can help reveal if the porn use has become an addiction.
1. It is unmanageable.
In 12-step groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step to recovery is admitting one has a problem and is powerless over it–that the addict’s life has become unmanageable. Many addicts will confess they feel like their addiction has taken over their minds, bodies, and free will. When they feel the “itch to use,” they believe they cannot help themselves, but to “scratch the itch.” This leads to a life that is totally out of control and unmanageable.
This is also symptomatic of a lack of trust in God. Whether they realize it or not, addicts struggle to place their trust in God, especially when times are tough. Instead of turning to God for help, they choose to self-medicate. This constant self-medicating leads to addiction and a life that is totally out of control–unmanageable.
2. It creates a neurochemical tolerance.
Viewing pornography triggers several neurochemical reactions in the brain. This produces a high feeling, which is intensified with an orgasm. This neurochemical high is also experienced when using drugs, such as cocaine or heroin. As with any other drug, a tolerance soon develops. More is needed to get the same effect. Thus, a man will spend increasing amounts of time online viewing pornography, and the type of pornography will become more extreme.
Related: Brain Chemicals and Porn Addiction–Science Shows Us How Porn Harms
3. It is degenerative and progressive.
Over time the addiction gets worse. As tolerance and dependence grow, the need for pornography grows. Instead of viewing soft porn, such as the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue or the Victoria’s Secret Catalog, the man now needs to view more deviant, hardcore pornography that is often violent and can even be illegal. Instead of spending a few minutes a week viewing pornography, he may now be viewing it for several hours every day. Ultimately the pursuit and use of pornography consumes the man’s life.
4. It has negative, destructive consequences.
The consequences of pornography extend to the physical, emotional, financial and spiritual realms. Physical consequences can include genital injury, loss of sleep, stress, fatigue, and even physical injury if the man engages in sexual acts that are sadomasochistic. If he is acting it out with other people, he runs the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or creating an unplanned pregnancy.
The emotional consequences of pornography addiction include isolation, loneliness, fear, guilt, shame, anger, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Many addicts experience the loss of their marriage, family, friends, and careers.
The financial consequences can also be great, as huge amounts of debt can be amassed from purchasing porn and any related sexual activity.
The most dangerous consequence of pornography addiction is the impact on one’s relationship with God. Most pornography users know what they are doing is wrong and harmful to their relationship with God, yet they choose to use it anyway. This can lead to a deeper loneliness even pornography cannot ease.
5. It is used to escape negative feelings.
Here is where we most often use the term “self-medicating.” Addicts often use pornography as a coping strategy to deal with deep emotional pain. Often they don’t even realize the pain is there. All they know is pornography makes them feel really good and they must go back to it over and over again. The fact that they cannot feel good without pornography indicates a deep emotional wound that they are using pornography to anesthetize.
6. It is justified by the concept of “entitlement.”
Many people who use pornography do so out of a sense of entitlement, which often stems from narcissism or anger. Narcissism is a great problem in our society today. People often focus on their own wants and needs with little regard to how their actions affect others. Thus, the man who had a rough day at work might come home and feel entitled to view porn as a way to relax despite how it may hurt his wife.
Addicts may also feel entitled to use pornography out of anger. Whether he is angry with his wife, boss, friends or God, the addict may feel entitled to view porn to “cool off.”
Related: 19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption
7. It is used as a reward.
Pornography addicts can also justify their pornography use by viewing it as a reward. Whether they have been working hard in their career or around the house, they justify their pornography use as a reward for “a job well done.”
8. It provides a feeling of power.
Like all addicts, pornography addicts often feel they have little control in life. Their deep needs to be heard, loved, affirmed and blessed are not being met, resulting in a feeling of powerlessness. Using pornography, and the people in porn, gives them a sense of power. However, this false sense of power is short-lived. They don’t realize that to feel a sense of control in their lives, they need to acknowledge their powerlessness and turn to God as the one true source of power.
If any of these characteristics of porn addiction apply to your porn use, you might be addicted. However, don’t be discouraged. Freedom from pornography is possible. A trained counselor can help you develop a comprehensive recovery program that can help you finally break free from your addiction. God will also be with you every step of the way giving you the strength and grace needed to succeed!
Hello, thank you so much for your devotion and dedication to helping people with pornography addiction. I was once a porn addict but I have been set free by the love of God. I now seek a deeper relationship with God, am much more aware of my surounding, have made new friends and no longer hold that feeling of self-worthlessness in me. I would like to encourage those who are still plagued by porn addiction that Jesus loves you and cares deeply for you. You will be free.
I pray you young men don’t buy the excuse that every man watches porn. It’s normal. Young single men, if you don’t run from sexual immorality it will destroy your life. I am divorced because porn has completely destroyed my marriage. The affects of porn are devastating. The enemy doesn’t stop until he destroys your mind body and soul completely. Run. Run to victory. It’s not worth it. Fall in love with God and love people as your brothers and sisters in Christ. Our bodies are temples for God, we are made to worship Him alone. I pray more and more men rise up against porn and destroy the works of the enemy. I am the ex wife of a porn addict. And love him so much still but couldn’t live in the demonic atmosphere. I pray God will set him free. I long to see him healthy free and respect women and love God more than anything in this world. God bless you all.
Why is this addressed to men only? It would be really helpful if the writer used women as examples too. I’m sure it isn’t intentional, but it is obvious.
Hi Tammy. There was no oversight here. The article was basically just written to men (just as there are some articles written just to women). For a look at some of our most popular articles and resources for women, I suggest this article. It has a lot of links.
I just want to say that I am a porn user as well. I am at the brink of recovering from it as well. And I thank God for all of you guys testimonies, advice, prayers, and words of encouragement because this is what will at the end help each and everyone of us grow and be delivered and be free from pornography. All I know is that every time that I have watched porn I know that it is wrong. I know that it will destroy me if I keep on watching it. And it does. It destroys your mind, soul, and spirit. And most importantly it destroys your relationship with God. I know that the only way to get out of this is to first confess by bringing this situation out of the darkness and into the light. Then another way that I try to avoid watching porn is to talk about it with someone and to pray about it , read the BIBLE, and listen to Christian music to help me stay away from porn. One more thing is that I have realized is that pornography is fake, meaning that the porn stars we have looked at have been having a relationship with someone every time and it doesn’t or shouldn’t even give us any satisfaction at all. And before we watch porn lets think about who we are affecting and what will Jesus do if he was right there watching you in person. And even before you try to think about watching porn think about the souls of the people doing it. God didn’t create them to do this stuff. God made these people as royalty and human beings so that they may be treated properly. When you look at porn just know that you shouldn’t be watching it any more because what they are doing is wrong, and they deserve better, and they deserve to be treated as human beings. Let us as Christians pray for them so that one day they will be revealed this truth and also be delivered from it. I just want to bless God for everyone’s advice because it has truly helped me to grow and get to the transformation and the renewal of God’s word and love. MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL !!!!
I am a recovering addict, and can associate with most of these. Luckily, mine was only online porn and not acting out with ‘real’ women. I also have a very understanding wife who has stood by me and encouraged my recovery. My one question is that does the neurochemical tolerance correct itself?
I’m also a porn user and still fighting for this evil addiction. I have read the bible numerous times, i have ask God to forgive me but it seems that i keep doing it over and over again. I am now 33 years old and i started watching porn around the age of 10 years old. Im really in bondage to this addiction. Thank you very much.
Hi Jasen. I totally get where you’re coming from. I hated that sense of enslavement—like nothing I did made a difference in the long-run.
I highly recommend you check out my book, Your Brain on Porn. I think it could really help you to wrap your mind around your problem (and its FREE). Just remember, God’s forgiveness is not conditional on you beating this thing in any specific time frame. In his grace, God’s not just going to uproot the pornography problem. He wants to get to the sins underneath that are driving it. Nothing can separate a believer in Christ from the love of God—not even an addiction to porn.
Cut off your right hand, Jasen. Radical amputation for the God that we love. What leads you to sin? Get rid of it. What leads you to the things that lead you to sin? Get rid of them. Your right hand or eye may be the most useful thing to you, but if it causes you to sin, you need to get rid of it. If you need to go internet free for a time, and/or install filters, and/or only look at the internet at public hotspots, find a way.
hope I’m not too late!!
There’s still hope, don’t give up just yet!!
because our God still reigns and He’s still on the throne!!!
You need grace, lots if grace, its what we sinners need.
I’ve been delivered from a lot of things by His grace!!
its sufficient and never runs out!
check out my blog and read love is jcpoetry2016.WordPress.com
check out pastor Joseph Princes mesgs on grace and overcoming sin and addictions on his website or YouTube!
Remember its not your battle, the battle is The Lords!!!
pray my dear!! and I’ll be praying with you
Break forth! Jasen.
9. Like any addiction, it is sin. We need to repent of it, and there is no excuse. Granted, we have allowed our flesh to be enslaved to the addiction, and it is monumentally difficult to overcome any addiction, but if we belong to Christ we will hate sin and desire to be free from it for His kingdom’s sake, because we love Him.
Hello. I’m a 15 year old male sophomore in High School, and I need help.I’m just going to come out and say it, I’m a porn user. I watch porn, masturbate, and have sexual fantasies, and I hate it. I know it’s wrong, I can feel that it’s wrong, but I don’t know how to stop. I’ve prayed, gotten rid of social media accounts, currently am a covenant eyes user, and have worked to fight this temptation, yet I don’t stop. I have run out of ideas of how to continue fighting, so I’m asking for help. If you have any words of advice, encouragement, or anything of the sort, please reply. I don’t know what to do at this point.
Thank you.
Daniel,
Thanks for your honesty. It’ll be a great help to you in this fight. Here’s some advice:
(1) Pick up Heath Lambert’s book Finally Free.
(2) Find a godly guy or two that you can trust. Ideally, look for a guy who is living in freedom in this area and who is older than you. I recommend a married guy.
(3) The most basic problem is not about how to keep bad thoughts out of your head, but in filling up your heart with a desire to love God and worship Him.
(4) You don’t really win anything if you learn to walk away from lust and you do this without learning to be obsessed a) with loving God and b) (maybe more importantly) with being loved by God.
(5) Don’t give up. Your track record didn’t impress God in the first place and it won’t cause Him to fail you in the end. What you do with your eyes IS absolutely an issue of life and death, but that’s only because it shows you whether you are actually turning to God. C.S. Lewis is helpful here. He explained that repentance is not something you have to do in order for God to take you back. No, repentance is just the description of what going back is like.
(6) Don’t let anyone else convince you that there is no such thing is freedom. That’s a lie. I believed it for a long time.
(7) Don’t let anyone convince you that YOU can’t have freedom–maybe freedom is something other people can have but not you. That’s another lie. I have freedom in my life, not because I am so big and strong, but because God is. Imagine an NBA player helping you take on a couple of neighborhood guys who are better than you at basketball. If you pass the ball to the NBA guy, you’ll win every time. The difference with lust is that God isn’t merely interested in you winning, but in becoming like him in the process.
(8) Forget who finds out about your struggle. Trust God to worry about your reputation. You just take Him at his word: “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses his sins and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” It actually is a pretty terrific thing to learn to be willing to share your struggle with family, friends, and complete strangers. I recommend that you mostly share with Christian men, but that’s not a hard and fast rule.
(9) Make sure that you are not just using Covenant Eyes to block stuff, but to help initiate face to face conversations about what you are doing. Make sure you explain about temptations that have nothing to do with the internet too.
Dear God,
Thank you for Daniel’s openness to talk about his struggles. I pray that You will give Him eyes to see souls when He sees women. His classmates, the porn stars, the random advertisements are all real women who Daniel is called to love. They are not bodies, and their bodies are not his. I know how rough it is to not have a wife and to have strong sexual urges. But God please teach my brother here that part of the glory of being a Godly man is learning to love a wife you don’t yet have by protecting your marriage before it starts.
Please forgive Daniel for all of the times that he has pursued lust–in ignorance and with rebellion in his heart. Please humble him and bring him into your grace. Lord, I am betting that there are some real pains in Daniel’s life that lead him toward sexual fantasies and masturbation. I am asking You to show Yourself as real to Daniel and to lead him in running to You instead of to lust.
God, if there are things that Daniel has seen or done that feel unforgivable, I am ask You to show him that “unforgivable” things are Your specialty. Please bring one man into his life in the near future to show him the depth and beauty of Your forgiveness, power over sin, and love for Daniel. You were willing to die for him so that He wouldn’t have to die. God thank you for doing that! You are so good to people who don’t deserve it and could never thank you for it. You are a very compassionate God.
Finally, God I ask you to begin growing in Daniel a heart for you. Make him like Daniel in the bible who couldn’t stop reading Your Word and praying to You and praising You–even when he knew that he would be killed for it. But You didn’t let him die, did you? You know how to shut the jaws of the lions for the people who take You at Your word. God, please teach Daniel how to walk among the lions of lust without fear.
Thank you that we can believe all of these things because Jesus died to save sinners. You will not rob Your Son of His victory on the cross. To not forgive those who call on you because they believe that You are real and offer grace is unjust to Jesus who died to save everyone who calls on You. Please confirm that belief in Jesus in Daniel in me by teaching us to fight for godliness today.
Amen!
Daniel, if you would like to talk privately, send me an email at joe_palkovic@yahoo.com. I am 31 and married with 3 kids. I have been where you are, and I know there is a way out. Start by getting yourself to confession each and every time if possible, and don’t hold anything back from the priest. I will pray a rosary for you tonight. God bless you!
Joe
Daniel, I am a porn addict myself, and have been successfully free from porn for 152 days now. I have recently been taking the whole lust and sensuality thing much more seriously though, deciding that radical amputation is what I need. I don’t watch TV or movies – period. I watch some sports, but not obsessively. I spend most of my extra time (and I have a lot of it, because I am separated from my family) reading the scriptures (sometimes when playing the audio bible), listening to worship music, and reading edifying books. I find that when I serve the flesh, it is easier to go back to the patterns of being enslaved by the flesh. Keep praying that God would set you free from the strongholds and footholds that bind you, brother. Don’t give ground to Satan, but keep fighting with the tools at your disposal, and if anything gets in the way, kill it, chop it off, and never pick it up again (or at least until you have enough self control to do so). Fill your life to the brim with God, and change the way that you look at life as one that is meant for servitude to others, not pleasing yourself. Find ways to get out and love on others and fill their lives with blessings. Telling yourself not to do something won’t accomplish anything, but filling your life with things that are infinitely more valuable will help you to conquer anything.
Daniel, I applaud your courage as much more mature men who have been addicted alot longer have failed to come forward and humble themselves. More likely than not they too are still addicted. Being a recovering addict, I can tell you it is possible to achieve total sobriety. You have been given alot of advice and there is very little else I can add except to say. Our father has a plan for you and will reveal it in good time. Focus on getting healthy and sober. You are not in this fight alone. Remember, Porn is an not the enemy, the devil is the enemy and we can fight the battle but only if we are equipped. When we are tempted regardless as tot he level of the temptation we are not required to give in. Feed a starving dog and he will continue to come back day after day after day. Starve the same dog and they grow weaker by the minute. Don’t give the devil a foothold. You can do it.
I am 16 and I am an addict as well. I was tricked by society and by the Devil into thinking that porn was a normal part of life as an adult. I was curious once… and now I struggle everyday against being tempted for hours until I either give in, or get distracted long enough until I forget about it. I feel like I can’t face God out of my own shame and guilt. Now I know that that is not an option. I have to put my trust in God. I could really use your prayers. I don’t want to have to tell my parents. They are wonderful people, but I REALLY hope that I won’t have to put that kind of eight on their shoulders and a strain on our relationship. Thank you Daniel for breaking the ice on what many teens face problems with. And thank you everyone else for your advice, prayers, and support. God bless you all!
That’s totally natural. If believe the pornographic aspect is wrong, work towards eliminating that aspect. However, then other parts are essential to humans–hardwired for survival. If you explore these on your own, they are necessary to transition to adulthood.
I am experiencing the same struggle. What I will do is to pray that Jesus Christ will stand beside you in fighting these temptations. I can use the same prayer. With God on our side then I pray that we will overcome our struggles and learn how to defeat them in the future. May God richly bless you.
Just out of curiosity, why is memorizing and meditating on God’s Word not mentioned in any of this? After all, it does say, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart that I might not sin against thee” (Psalm 119:11). We have an entire book that God has written and compiled over thousands of years to help us with things like this! Use it Daniel! And if you would like some specific refences to help with this sin, I will gladly share them, but I would highly encourage you to take the time to search it out on your own. Don’t rely on man’s wisdom; rely on God’s.
Hey Marshall,
Are you asking this about Daniel’s comment or the article itself?
Daniel,
Sweet brother, you are so brave. You are admitting anonymously, yet I sense a brave spirit within you that longs for the freedom it needs to be the leader God made you to be. You are going to have to let this thing, that is keeping you know that you are no longer a slave to it. The first thing you need to do brother, is pray. The second thing you need to do, is search your heart for the courage and strength to leave this thing behind, and never look back, lest you turn into a pillar of salt. The third thing you need to do, is to let go of everything in this world, and completely separate yourself from anything and everything in it. I do not mean to isolate or anything strange, but I strongly encourage you to become sort of like a Native American for a while…an outdoorsman. I know it sounds strange, but I promise you, if you want to get rid of this, than this is what you need to try. You may try getting rid of all of your electronic devices, and settle for a flip phone, just until you have this thing under control. If you can, find a good spot to hike, climb, fish, hunt, sit, pray, sleep, or whatever makes you feel good….and preferably somewhere outside and beautiful. In the winter, it is hard to do this, but the more you do, the better you will adapt, and find ways to be outside, but still stay warm. If you do this, I can promise you, that the things of this world, will soon start to seem…unimportant…compared to what and who you are to become, in Him, one with Him, in the element you were created for. I would recommend to find a family member, and someone who is righteous and upright, or a mentor, such as a youth leader or friend from church, who knows a lot about outdoor living and such, to tag along with you on your adventures. I go with my husband, and I have been clean from substances and such since 2013 and him from porn since 2013. The reason I tell you these things, is so you will listen to me, and understand that we tried everything. Counselors gave us horrible advice, books were not helping, groups made us feel caged in, and church felt judgemental. We have church in our home now, together, with our son and God is there with us. We light incense, play guitar, read our bibles, and truly worship Him, without the stress of having to get ready and go somewhere. Church is very good. It works for some people, and if you like it and find one, then I recommend you keep going. Outside of all religious idealogies, there is something else, and for us it was God’s creation, and the bond that we make with Him, when we get out of this world, and follow Him out into His creation. You can do this, if you try. I am not telling you to move to the wilderness, but to try, in your freetime, to get out and go see stuff….spend some time outside of your room. It is winter, where I live now, but I try to spend some time outdoors everyday doing something. It still is a struggle, and being outside, doing stuff, helps us a lot.
Dear Daniel,
I too am 15 year old male and have struggled with porn…I’ve been reading this book that’s been very helpful. The book’s called ‘every young man’s battle’ by Stephen Afterburn and Fred Stoeker. I’m still reading it but it has given me alot of insight. It goes though the stories of two men with different stories and how they got through these hard times with God’s help. It also talkes about what you can do to survive in an era of sexual impurity and how us as children of God can achieve sexual purity.
I pray that God will work, not only in your life and mine but everyone else out there that struggles with sexual impurity. And that each day God will give us the strength to live for him and by his will.
God Bless you (all)!
its not over just yet!!
we serve a mighty God and He has sufficient grace for you and I.
check out my blog jcpoetry2016.WordPress.com
listen to pastor Joseph Prince msgs in grace and overcoming addictions!
only grace can save us from sin, grace is not a thing but a person and His name is Jesus Christ!!
He has delivered me from a lot of things and I can guarantee you that He is able!
I’ll pray with you!!
pray, remember by prayer we allow God to take control of our lives…the battle is the Lord’s!!!
Hello Daniel, I am happy you come out open. Try to sleep playing the book of Psalms and also avoid all social media networks.
If I score three out of 8 does that still count as addiction?
It is good to see that a book has been written that helps Catholic families with porn–really all families could benefit. The Catholic Church is sometimes confusing in this area of sexuality. I grew up in The Church and the priest was the closest thing to God I thought yet I forgot that he is human like me with the same temptations. Never the less when a Priest falls into sin and it becomes public people get confused. Recently a priest came out of the closet internationally and even admitted he had a male lover. He said he was gay and seemed okay with that and even wanted empathy. It is not that he is gay it is that he is in a sexual relationship at all whether with a woman or a man. The vows of poverty, chastity and obedience were taken and if he was having sex with a woman married or single he should not be allowed to continue his priestly duties until he repents of sin and asks to be restored to the church. This is one of many reasons why many are confused about what is sin and what is not. Thanks for the article. Steve