Advanced Ally Training

Over the last few weeks, we’ve learned a lot! We looked at the brain chemicals behind porn, and how a person’s brain is literally rewired by porn for porn, using shame as one feeder system. We also looked at the role of allies, and how removing isolation breaks the shame cycle in particular. Now we’re going to look at how allies can help rewire the brain.

Sounds hard, right? Don’t worry, it’s simple! All you have to do is apply for a PhD program in neurology, study for 6-8 years, write a dissertation on the structure and function of neural networks and their impact on cognitive dissonance between partnered and image-based arousal systems, and…

Yeah, okay, we don’t know what we just said there either. But we do know how understanding the very basics of brain science can help people find freedom from all sorts of addictive behaviors. And the secret is neuroplasticity.

Which is another big word, but it helps get the point across. See, the brain is “soft” and very flexible. That’s what enables us to learn new things all the time. And that means you can even unlearn old patterns.

Think of every behavior and emotion as a river. Through life, we dig channels, diverting part of the water. Sometimes that’s a good thing, like building an early morning exercise routine. That channel leads to a water mill, powering up other parts of life (like overall fitness). Other times, the channels are not so good, like the channel that leads from stressful behaviors to the Pool of Porn, and from there, the Shame Swamp.

The solution is not to merely “drain the swamp” (though that needs to happen as well). To stop looking at porn, people need to stop diverting water through that channel (or often, multiple channels). And that means helping your friend digging a newer, better one.