5 minute read

For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-Honoring Way

Last Updated: August 9, 2021

Kristen Clark

Kristen Clark is married to her best friend, Zack. She is the co-founder of GirlDefined Ministries and author of Girl DefinedLove Defined, and Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart. She is passionate about promoting the message of God-defined womanhood through blogging, speaking, mentoring young women, and hosting Bible studies in her living room. In the end, she’s just a fun-lovin’ Texas girl who adores all things outdoors and drinks coffee whenever possible.

Updated August 2021.

With tears streaming down my face, I sat alone in my room. As a 22-year-old Christian single woman, I was battling against my flesh and the sexual temptations in my mind…again. I wanted to be pure. I wanted to fight against the lust in my life. I wanted to honor God. But it felt too hard. It felt almost impossible.

I’ve been married now for six years, but I was single for 24 years prior to that. I remember all too well the unfulfilled sexual desires that I had during that season of life. Moments of tears and struggle like the one above were normal for me. There were many times when I viewed my sex drive as a curse. I wished my desires would just go away all together and then reappear when I got married.

I struggled with strong urges for sexual fulfillment.

As much as I wanted to throw in the towel and ditch God’s plan for sex, I decided to search God’s Word for hope and answers. Over time, God’s Word helped me understand that my sexual desires weren’t a curse, but a blessing. His word also reminded me that He would give me the grace to handle my desires until marriage happened—if it happened (2 Corinthians 12:9).

If you’re single right now, your sex drive might feel like a curse to you as well. I want to share with you some of the things that helped me handle my sexual desires as a single woman, and I hope they’re encouraging to you as well.

Related: More than Single–Finding Purpose Beyond Porn

1. Understand God’s Design for Sex

God created sex and it’s a beautiful thing within the covenant of marriage. God also created us to be sexual beings with desires and longings for sexual intimacy. We are sexual beings from the moment we’re born. We don’t become sexual beings once we get marriage. However, God’s design for sex is good and beautiful only when enjoyed in the right context.

Healthy sexual desires are not wrong or sinful. They’re actually 100% normal. It’s normal for you, as a single person, to look forward to and be excited about enjoying God’s gifts of sexual intimacy within marriage. However, these good desires can quickly become sinful if we turn them into lust, or use them with the wrong person at the wrong time.

God created sex to be a binding force between a husband and wife to unite them as one in marriage (Mark 10:8).

This covenantal seal also comes with intentional blessings such as physical pleasure and the opportunity to bring new life into the world.

As Christians, we must have a strong understanding of God’s holy design for sex if we’re going to handle our own sexual desires in the right way. I encourage you to another post I wrote called “Why I Chose to Save Sex for Marriage” to help you build a strong biblical foundation.

2. Prepare for Battle

As a single person, your sexual desires may be a normal part of God’s design, but they can also be the largest area for temptation. The battle for purity is real, and it’s an intense one. We live in a culture that has totally perverted God’s design for sex and pressures us to “join in on the fun.”

Yes, the world tries to lure us into its perversion, but the battle for purity begins within the walls of our heart. James 1:14 says, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.”

Our heart is sinful and is constantly trying to carry us away and entice us towards lust.

We need to recognize our own bent towards sexual sin and prepare ourselves for this battle. We won’t win unless we’re proactively striving after holiness, purity, and a passion for God’s glory.

Related: The Best Way to Block Porn (It Isn’t What You Think)

The best place to start is by spending time worshipping the true and living God every day. Get in His word and allow His truth to transform your thinking. Pray every morning (and throughout the day) asking God to help you love His holiness more than you love yourself. Don’t let the battle of sexual temptation take you by surprise.

3. Make the Choice to Fight or Flee

As you live your daily life in the sinful world, you will undoubtedly come face-to-face with sexual temptation. For example, you might be innocently shopping for something online when a sensual ad pops up. You didn’t seek it out. You weren’t even looking for it. But there it is.

Or you may be simply trying to fall asleep one night when your mind is suddenly bombarded with sexual thoughts. You’re instantly tempted to dwell on these thoughts in your mind.

Sexual temptation comes in all shapes and sizes and it often doesn’t give us a lot of warning.

When sexual temptations hits you have two options. You can either (A) Fight it, or (B) Flee from it.

A: Fight it. Fighting it needs to happen when you can’t physically get away from it. 

You can’t physically escape a sexual thought in your head, so you need to choose to fight against it. You can’t escape driving through a city with sexualized billboards, but you can choose to fight it by not looking at them.

God will help you fight your temptations–you are not alone.

1 Cor. 10:13 offers us that powerful promise: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

B. Flee from it. The next best way to fight it is to simply flee from it. 

This is a great option! This looks like you physically removing yourself from the temptation. If a movie turns south, turn it off. Don’t keep watching it. If your friends start talking about inappropriate things, leave the conversation. If that phone app is tempting you towards lust, get rid of it.

Don’t wait around hoping to be “strong enough.” Get away from the temptation. 1 Cor. 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

4. Make Victory Easier

Fighting the battle of lust in our hearts is already hard enough without added temptation. I can’t encourage you enough to set yourself up for success by removing as much sexual temptation from your life as possible. This means pitching sexualized computer games, saying no to raunchy magazines like Cosmo, deleting impure or sensual phone apps, saying no to impure movies, turning off that sensual song, etc. You get the idea.

If you desire purity and holiness, you must battle for it. It doesn’t come naturally. Get rid of extra temptation and make victory easier to accomplish. Installing Screen Accountability through Covenant Eyes is always a great idea.

I pray those four points are helpful to you as you strive to handle your sexual desires in a God-honoring way.

I know it’s hard. I know it’s a battle. But with God’s help, and strategic planning on your part, you can steer your sexual desires in a God honoring direction.

If you’re a woman like me who has struggled or is currently struggling with porn and/or unwanted sexual behavior, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Here are some additional resources created for women, by women, that may help you on your journey.

  • Comments on: For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-Honoring Way
    1. Encouraged on

      Thank you for the 4 points. Key areas that need a lot of work and patience.

      Reply
      • Paul pranada on

        Thank you for the strategic ways on how to face this struggle . God bless :).

      • Ricky Jovis on

        Thanks a lot! God bless

      • Me on

        Done all of it doesnt freaking work I’m 31 study my bible memorize scripture serve in every capacity pray about it constantly work 2 jobs still masturbate at least 3 times a week cant find a wife I’m losing faith and losing it fast it haunts me every day temptations even enter my dreams!!!!!!

      • Jules on

        An article about controlling ones sex drive from a young woman who was married at 24 is useless and condescending to someone over 30. Long term single people have a struggle that she will never understand.

      • Kay Bruner on

        Truth. Thanks for telling it! Have you read Bromleigh McCleneghan’s Good Christian Sex? You might find it interesting.

      • Clinton ndolo on

        Thank you for helping me.sexual feelings during this single life has been a big problem to me.

      • Felicia on

        Thank you, so much. I am a Christian who has struggled alot in the area of a desire for companionship and sexual intimacy. I have been married twice and have 3 children. I divorced for the 2nd time in 2016. Since, then I have been struggling to be pure and obedient to God’s Word, in this area. I was led by God to end a budding relationship with a man who was not a Christian, who I did have sex with. I have prayed, cried out, and found myself asking God to take the desite for sex away from me. I believe God let me to your blog, it has truly been helpful. Thank you, so much for your encouragment. It is truly been a helpful blessing! May God continue to bless your ministry.

      • Abby on

        This is helpful… I’m in a period of hopelessness.. I’ve read so many articles about how to make lust and temptation stop but it just doesn’t go away and I feel so weak and worthless. I never struggled before, and I was never even sexually curious. I’m 20 now and in a long distance relationship. I know without a doubt he is the man I want to marry and we have struggled in the past with making out but neither of us have gone past that. The sexual desire for each other is real but he is a bit older and wants to wait a while before getting married. I’ve given into temptation a too many times and now I feel like it’s controlling me. I don’t want moments of weakness to impact my relationship with my future husband (as I’ve read that masterbating will do). I’ve prayed for God to just take it away until marriage and I read scripture every day. Every time I feel like I make progress it hits me out of nowhere. And then I feel guilty and like a failure… I’m currently trying the rubberband technique where I snap myself hard any time I think about it or get turned on… but I just feel hopeless… I can’t demand that we get married now, that’s not practical… and waiting is wearing down my boundaries. How do I heal this???

      • Digital phantom on

        I’m a christian and I’m married for 16 years.. unfortunately, my wife has sexual desire that is next to nothing.. it’s one thing to be single and battling your sexual desires with the hopes that it’ll all end once you’re married (if you get married)
        .. but it’s another thing to be married and live like you’re single for the rest of your life.. or hopefully, unless that all changes.. and don’t give me any nonsense about getting marriage counselling.. it only works for a short amount of time and then it’s all right back where it started..

      • Tam on

        Don’t condem yourself if you give in. Try not to do anything you will regret but don’t go crazy either. Give yourself grace. The conditions are unusual if your single extended adult years. Ancient times people got married before they where 20. God loves you a lot. Life isn’t perfect, neither is being married if you find yourself with someone who is OK with celibacy which has its own troubles.

      • Johnny on

        I don’t feel like our sexuality is a bad thing. Somehow when I give in to too much temptation, I lose sight of the grand scheme of things and then I can’t here what God is saying. My head gets cloudy. Luckily, I manage to re-align myself with a little help from my friends. 🤟🏽 Peace To all my brothers and sisters and God bless us all

      • Bekah on

        These are all good pieces of advice. But what can a woman with strong sexual urges do if she is married, but her husband doesn’t like to have sex that often? I have been seeking an answer to no avail. We’ve had marriage counseling and it hasn’t helped this area. He blames it on the borderline sexual abuse encounters he faced as a child, which I understand, but he is unwilling to work on this because he doesn’t see it as a real problem. He would rather I learn to be okay with not having any intimate relations with my husband.

      • Lisa Eldred on

        Oof, that’s definitely a rough position.

        If I’m reading this correctly, you’re facing two struggles: first, your husband’s history as an abuse victim is making you struggle with intimacy; and second (and this is speculation on my part), because you aren’t getting as much sex as you’d like, you’re tempted into porn.

        For your husband, your marriage counselor may be able to speak into that more. It definitely sounds like he would benefit from personal therapy to address the abuse in his past. Perhaps the things to tell him (assuming you haven’t already done so) is how his sexual rejection makes you feel, and ask him, if he acknowledges those childhood wounds have long-lasting effects, why he doesn’t want to be healed.

        For you, why should you avoid porn? Because porn will still damage your brain; it rewires how you get your sexual satisfaction. If your husband *does* do the healing work and seeks out more intimacy with you, if you’re rewired by porn you may not be satisfied by him. In other words, it may be equally damaging to your marriage in the long run. Based on research with female porn users, I’d also hazard a guess that you’re dealing with some shame from your husband’s constant rejection sexually; female porn users also tend to experience a lot of shame from dealing with a “man’s problem.” In other words, it’s like scratching a mosquito bite with sandpaper; it may solve the itch short-term, but make your own struggles worse. You can learn more about why and how to heal from porn as a female user in the free ebook New Fruit.

        Whether or not you actually use pornography, let me remind you: you are so much more than your sexuality. You are a beautiful woman, made in the image of God for so many amazing things, and even now, your Heavenly Father is saying to you, “Arise, my love, and come away with me” (Song of Solomon 2:10).

    2. restored on

      Question for the author Kristen. Did you actially stop masturbation and looking at porn for long periods of time as a single person?

      I ask because I am a single guy who has not looked at porn or masturbated in over two years, and well I applied different verses than you do to over come my addiction. If you want to read my story you can find it at singlevsporn.com but I dont think addiction recovery is as simply as this article seems to want to make it.

      Reply
      • No one on

        I pitty you. You probably werent addicted to porn you were just horny… Like most people thanks to biology we have sex drive to sustain human race. There is nothing bad about being horny, or watching porn when you are horny.

        Trying to stop masturbating or having sex (belive it or not but for your brain they are pretty similar) is like trying to stop eating or breathing. Its a basic biological need that every heatlhy human has. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to being ashamed of your needs.

        Alright i don’t belive in Jahve or any other god for that matter. I’m not againts it as long as you keep your faith to your self. But when i read this website i pitty everyone who belives this crap you are shamed for being normal human.

        Now if you talk about filtering porn from children thats another thing but adults? Now i know i can be seen as antichrist (if you saw me in real life you would probably think i came from hell :D) but if you don’t belive me read some studies and you will see what i mean.

        Either way good luck and take care

      • Klara on

        Hi,I’m almost 38 years old very attractive single mother.I’m a Bible school graduate and I’d love to think about myself as a devoted Christian.I’ve always had the desire to get married (since I was 12) and unfortunately I have a very strong sexual desire. Unfortunately,God hasn’t send me the right person to get married to (I got married once to a very wrong person).So therefore my very strong sexual desire is a real curse for me!!!!!I prayed and prayed for husband as well as for a gift of celibacy (which I believe is a real gift) at times.The only thing I look forward to is in heaven there won’t be marriage and in fact we won’t have a gender.My biggest salvation from this real torture of life!!!!!

      • Kay Bruner on

        Hey Klara,
        Celibacy is not the only gift! Your sex drive is a gift, too. Like any gift, we have to learn how to manage ourselves in healthy ways. There’s been so much shaming of sexuality in the church, both for men and for women, that it’s hard for us to have an objective view of ourselves. Seeing yourself as wrong and broken doesn’t help you live with the reality of who you are. Try out self-acceptance for a while and see where that gets you instead!
        Kay

      • Jacqueline K. Murray on

        I THINK YOUR RIGHT!! BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THEY WERE INDICATING THAT IT DOES TAKE TIME. JM.

      • Blessing on

        I’m not Kristen but I can answer your question.
        First off, Kristen didn’t say it will be easy.
        Like any other battle in life, overcoming impure sexual thoughts is not easy.
        I’m 39, not yet married, my body screams almost everyday for sex but I have not given up on my fight for sexual purity. Some days are harder than others but I’ve been practicing Kristen’s 4 points long before reading this article, I search and listen online everytime for messages that will help me and in addition, spend a lot of time in God’s word and presence. You don’t know how many hours I spend exposing myself to God’s word yet….
        It’s a battle brother, so we just must DAILY decide if the flesh will win or the spirit will win.

      • Isaiah on

        I have been struggling with watching porn for awhile now as a single man who is a virgin i have been clean for several nights now but it’s been hell fighting against my own flesh

      • Keith Rose on

        Hi Isaiah! Thanks for reaching you. There are two ebooks I’d like you to check out. The first is “More than Single,” which is written by a single person for singles. Second, there’s “Hobbies and Habits“, which is about replacing unhelpful activities (i.e. porn) with life-giving activities!

        Blessings,
        Keith

    3. Mitch on

      Perhaps the passage that says “better to marry than to burn” also applies. Ask yourself what the non-biblical barriers are to you getting married are? Do you agree that you should get your degree and get a job first? Do you believe that you should spend the bulk of your 20s engaged in a series of monogamous celibate relationships to discern what kind of man or woman you should get married to when you are in your 30s?

      I used to wonder why God gave me the peak of my libido at the age of 19 or 20. What was he thinking? Why not wait until I am “ready to be married” and then have my peak libido kick in? Now that I am older, I have become a strong advocate for marrying young with the only prerequisite that they be a fellow believer and that you are in love with them.

      But the cultural nonsense of “waiting until you are ready” has created the unsolvable dilemma of spending years in unfulfilled sexual desires using every known strategy of lust management. This is not biblical. The culture has figured out a solution to the trend of late marriage. It’s called fornication. For some it means one night stands and for others it means a series of monogamous sexual pre-marital relationships. Either way, it is sinful. So while you are deploying all of the anti-lust weapons of spiritual warfare, please understand that the Bible shows the way. Ladies, don’t be afraid to take a chance on that 20 year old guy who still lives with his parents. He won’t still be available when you are 30. Guys, you will not make it to 30 with your virginity intact unless you simultaneously lack most of the necessary social skills to woo and win a suitable wife.

      Reply
      • Anonymous on

        What happens if you have an autism spectrum disorder like me and a strong sex drive? How do you manage then? It hurts every single day and I pray much. But most of the time I give in to temptation because, despite trying, I doubt marriage will ever happen.

      • Joe storin on

        I was a virgin up till 30 and it was not my social skills that got me to loose it either. But regardless I guess this means my social skills are very lacking. I wonder if it means something is wrong with me.

      • Tarina on

        I think this is great! Honest and real. The battle is fierce. The wisest, strongest and the man after God’s heart (Solomon, Simson and David) ALL gave in to sexual sin – who are we to think we will not?!

        With a conviction and a new sense of appreciation for what sex is, a worshipful act to honour God and to be enjoyed where He is present. I commend anyone who gets married young. You are doing yourselves a GREAT favour and I am convinced that is why we are encouraged to ‘marry the lover of our youth’.

        As for me, although this is a very real battle and in many ways, at age 30, I wished my picture looked different, but it doesn’t… Less of me more of Him. He knows the past, present and future. I will accept and rejoice for no mind has conceived what He has in store for me. Pick up that cross and walk in the freedom He declared on the cross and do not let yourselves be enslaved/entangled by sin.

      • Ramona on

        I do agree with you in the sense that we have all these silly standards like “i need the right job” before we marry, but the Bible also says not to rush into marriage also, can you imagine how bad it would be to rush into marriage with the wrong person, using only the standard of them being a believer and you love them? Domestic violence rates are apparently about the same for Christian people and non Christians, just a thought. Fighting the battle for sexual purity has to be better than fighting the battle for Child access in court following a messy situation. I do agree with you for the most part though, putting off marriage as routine until as late as possible is inviting fornication and it really is too difficult and expensive to get married nowadays, it should be seen as a routine event, not something you have to get a good job, degree, travel the world, spend £20,000 on etc etc etc we make it too difficult

      • Blessing on

        Mitch, you didn’t address the situation where a person desires to marry early but it just doesn’t seem to happen.
        I would have loved to be married at 20 but buy 19, I contracted a terrible sickness that held me bound till I was well into my 20s. I got well and all the men that came wanted a graduate, a working class lady or sex before marriage. I had to go to college late since I spent my prime battling for my life. As for sex before marriage, does that really guarantee marriage?
        Please Mitch, what should one do if all the people that come around want everything else first before they consider marrying you?

    4. Mary on

      Where can one find help for a widow of a 35 yr. Marriage. Sexual struggles are so much harder since sex was part of my life for so long. Suddenly I’m like the lusting teenager again and I thought it would be much easier at my age.

      Reply
      • Mel on

        The only one who keeps me from this is Jesus I focus on Him and am so in love with Him the Holy Spirit gives me strengths. Stay in the word of God lots also.I used to be in tears often earlier on in my walk with Jesus because the physical urges were so strong but He has really helped me.
        I do at times really struggle on ocasion but I know I can just tell Him everything I speak to Jesus openly about the urges when i get them .He has helped me so much .
        Also remember yes Jesus was God on the earth but He was a physical man and the bible says we don’t have a high priest who cannot sympathise but has been tempted in all ways yet without sin , He is the only one who can teach us to deal with our temptations wether sexual or otherwise.

    5. Dan on

      Thank you, God bless you more. What I wanna say is only this, just attach for me your daily or weekly posts on this my email accounts

      Reply
    6. Roger on

      I am a 56 single man that burns with sexual desire on a regular basis. I have been praying that God would help me get this under control. I wish there was a switch in the back of my head that I can turn off!

      Reply
      • Angela on

        Hi Roger if you are burning with sexual desire, why don’t you find yourself a wife then

      • Amy on

        Replying to Angela – That is the stupidest thing. NO DONT GO FIND A WIFE JUST TO PLEASE YOUR OWN SEXUAL DESIRES. That is incredibly selfish and disgusting. You don’t get married for the purpose of sex. Just like if you’re married, your spouse STILL DOES NOT OWE YOU SEX IF THEY DONT WANT TO. And if you force them without their consent thats called rape, even in a marriage.

      • Margy on

        Am margy,44 a single mom of three.just to think that my body is the temple of God really helps me.when temptations arise i just think that God is too close.
        Am trying to understand this temple with God ,nothing is impossible.
        I have a desire to live for God,am sure He listens to me.i dobt know about tomorrow but i trust God,read His word,i get busy and avoid idle moments,i also keep off any leads for temptation.

    7. Deskeane lanferman on

      Being a virgin is for men as well not only women.if you agree comment yes

      Reply
      • Eunice. on

        Yes. Thanks for mentioning it in a world that sees men messing up sexually as normal.

    8. Favour on

      But I’m a woman I can’t proposed a man rather

      Reply
    9. Sean on

      Hello..
      I have found the woman of my dreams out of more prayers and confirmations from the lord.

      So here is the deal.
      My fiancé’s mother is a praying woman and she told me that God spoke to here regarding our wedding that “I would be travelling abroad for 2 years and after that I would be wedding her daughter”

      For me.. to accept this is really difficult.
      Because I can’t control my sexual desire and it’s so tough.
      My question is “is it ok ? If I get married and fly abroad with my wife so that I would stop lusting.” Instead of burning with sexual desires.

      What’s your say on this?

      Reply
      • Mato on

        I personally think you should marry first before going abroad. Also, God can speak to you about your plans and not only to your mother in law. Whatever anyone tells you should be a confirmation of what God has told you.

      • Angie on

        Yaah I think if your love is deeper than sex just get married. You don’t need to burn with desire when you found a soul mate

    10. Mark on

      I understand that we are to avoid them. You talk about what God’s design for sex is, I know all that. You talk about the need to escape the temptation, I know all of that as well. But what you haven’t said is, what the heck to do with these urges. What do we do with them. You cannot put them in a safe and tell yourself they don’t exist. You cannot shut them off like a light switch. You can read the bible until you are blue in the face. You can pray until you have no more air in your lungs. You can keep yourself preoccupied all day long if you can. But at some point they will come back. They will pop up, because that is who God made us to be, sexual beings who have sexual needs. The frustration, temptations and the down right fight is very overwhelming. So, tell me, what in the good Lord’s name are you supposed to do with them? No one tells me that answer. I am single/divorced 48 year old man with a sex drive so freaking high, it reaches heaven, and I want to blow up. And I am a recovering Porn addict, which I have had that issue since I was 14, which increases the temptation. And please, if I hear one more person tell me that I have a bad relationship with God and that is why I feel like this, I am going to scream and pull my hair out. I have had people use that against me so many times to manipulate me I can hear them in my sleep. Do you get the idea that I am frustrated beyond understanding? So can you tell me what I am supposed to do with them. I cannot shut them off.

      Reply
      • Hugh on

        Mark I feel your struggle. I don’t think there’s any quick fix, and I think the answer of what to do with those urges is to patiently endure them and honour God by not acting on them with sexual immorality. That’s really hard to hear because it will be a tough struggle. Be encouraged that Jesus is coming back and that when he does the eternal weight of glory that he brings to us will make these issues now seem light and momentary (2 Corinthians 4:17). Stay strong and keep praying for help from our Father

      • Bob on

        Dear Mark,
        One of the reasons you do not get all the answers you need for this kind of problem is because not many know the true answer and I do not claim to be an expert! LOL
        Firstly, I want us all to understand that this is far from a single guy or gals issue! Good solid married people have the same issues!
        A couple of examples: wife too tired because of nursing and getting up and taking care of baby plus her regular daily work or job, sometimes husbands feel replaced, rejected…we’ll save this for another day..
        Husband is handed a crushing load of responsibility from his salaried job, so he is working 90 hours a week and can not afford (in his mind) that he can allow anything else in his life, his job is sucking the life out of him….
        Anyhow, I am assuming that you are a very passionate person, a get it done kind of guy, like to lead and not a follower, if I am wrong, just say so, lol
        God has made you this way to be the leader he has chosen you to be. David was one of these types and screwed up a little!
        Some people do not have this kind of calling and have a hard time understanding them that do.
        This next part is not easy, and will most likely only understood by those that have this type of calling on their lives.
        Please see this as a blessing and not a curse! There is a time and place for everything in our lives, even this!
        Learn to take this sexual drive and let it manifest itself into the leadership role, or for the preparation of that leadership role that He has planned for you. Thank God for the extra energy that He has placed in you to fight and win many battles in life as king David did and saving the people many times. Harness this extra power God has given you and use it for His good, and when the time comes that you can actually release that energy in a sexual way it will be a most wonderful thing. But as of now, use that extra power, energy that God has blessed you with to overcome in the positions that you now are in. If I knew more about you I could more accurately access the situation.This is kind of like a fuel booster so you can get the job done (whatever that may be at this time of your life) and do it quite easily, compared to someone that does not have this gift and they would most likely fail in the mission. Say “Thank you Father for this gift you have given me and I will use it to glorify you and your purposes at this time!” when you feel these sexual desires approaching. Ask him where He wants you to apply this extra boost of energy that he is supplying you with, listen closely to that still small voice and run with it!
        This truth will absolutely change your life! What you thought all this time was a frustrating, unsolvable challenge was Gods way of equipping you. How powerful is that! You are so special.
        You have a special calling no doubt, God needs sons and daughters like you to fulfill his purposes on this earth. Use your gifts appropriately and you will be a very blessed man.

        Good day my man and God bless

      • nettiegurl on

        Mark, I totally hear what you’re saying. As a 40 something female, I deal with sexual frustration regularly. It’s biological and there’s no getting around it. A woman in my old ministry years back shared her frustrations of being single, at her sexual peak, but traveling for business, no opportunity to date or a relationship. You’re right, I wish any of us had the answer to our plight. And it is a plight. It’s darned unfair to be single and unattached when we have needs, and struggle to stay faithful to God, for marriage, when it never seems to happen.

      • Maxwell on

        I’m what you call a traditional devout Christian but when it comes to not yielding to obscene sexual urges; the kind that compels you to watch pornography, masturbate or lust, I fail most of the time in this regard.
        I believe in the word of God that sin shall not have Dominion over me.
        The problem, however, is haven’t fully experienced this. This is my heart’s cry.. please what do I do to overcome this urge when it comes.
        And please, give me scriptures and pray for me. Thanks you brother in Christ.

      • Angie on

        Hi Mark, I fully understand what you are going through, it’s tough. I talk from experience. If you can find love, you can marry again so you can do it with a wife that is a Godly way. But if it’s difficult to get married then it is a challenge, somehow you need to release the sexual tension.
        But my advice is, talk to God your creator to help you, even if you fall, more often than not, I masterbate to release the sexual tension, but this has to be your last resort.
        I usually feel so guilty after the act but I usually go for confession. At first the frequency was high but now it’s dying bit by bit now I can masturbate once a month or in two months. In the early years I would go out to look for men to do it cz the feelings were too strong for me as somebody who was married for nine years. I am still fighting the feelings to be completely free from masturbation. My hope is that one day I will completely conquer or God would bless me with a husband to share these desires with.

      • Mel on

        I am a woman but also was very promiscuous before I got saved and have battled lots with sexual urges but by help and power of the Holy Spirit I have overcome still get times where I have to cry out to Jesus to help me .
        The secret is to be so in love with Jesus and filled with His Holy Spirit the more you desire and draw close to Him the more the sinful nature won’t be such a problem.
        It’s all about being close and in love with Jesus and all the spirit filled repentance, hatred for sin , praying and and bible reading come from the Holy Spirit power from the deep love relationship with Jesus .
        If we are not careful we try and do it ourselves .
        It all comes from loving the true God of the bible and believing and wanting to obey His word .
        We don’t become perfect overnight
        Rest in His love , don’t fret and ask Him to really help you with the sexual temptation you are suffering .
        I often think me being a woman it’s bad and I actually think how the heck do men manage bless em.
        I Pray you really fall more in love with Jesus.
        If you don’t have that just tell Him .
        Say Jesus I want to fall more in love with you , He will help you with all your battle against sin He fights if we are wanting to turn from sin which I can clearly see you are , you really had enough eh .
        Bless you

      • Esther on

        I feel your frustration. I am 38 and struggling so much with a high sexual urges. I keep being told to read my bible and focus on God (as if I haven’t already), pray and keep busy. But the desires are still here rising by the day. Why do we have to have these desires if we weren’t meant to have sex before marriage? It just feels like a terrible game of torture. I’ve prayed for a husband since 19 but none has been forthcoming. Sigh!

      • Joe Crown on

        Hey Brother I’m in the same boat! and the only conceivable answer I found is fasting. I’m starting today.

      • Liz on

        I sympathize with you since i know the pain-i started masturbating at 3 and half years old!I still remember everything!

        Sometimes God sends a man to the doctor.If it is an addiction,you should seek a doctor.Also,there are foods that will decrease your libido.Like cheese,red meat,licorice,mint,tonic water (Quinine),chocolate,fried foods,microwave popcorn (chemical in the bag it’s in),cornflakes (the inventor was a big fan of abstinence!) and avoid cinnamon and honey cause they increase it.

        You are supposed to “punish” the brain by not giving in,no matter what!The cravings will get lower and lower and fewer-more towards normal but i would not advise you to do this without medical supervision.It’s about the Dopamine free swimming in the brain without the Oxytocin (bonding hormone of relationships) to counter-effect the Dopamine.

        You can,if you “yank” yourself too much,get pseudo-Parkinsonian symptoms of trembling.It means your Dopamine levels are low by all the “yanking”.They’re are support groups for this for men.Look up “no Fap” and see if it can help you.It’s not religious though.

        Be encouraged brother!It took some time to get to that level and it will take time to get out of it!

        “The one who is in me is stronger than the one who is in the world”.

      • Thomas Vogel on

        Even single Christians get married to Jesus in heaven as part of the Bride of Christ. That is important to remember in avoiding fornication, masturbation, and pornography. God does not take away sexual desires from single people because it represents the love of God for us. True intimacy with God in heaven is way better pleasure than sex on Earth. I think we just get a small taste of that in the form of sex on Earth before going to heaven. Sexual desire can be a blessing or a curse. If it drives you to sin, then it is a curse. If you can resist sexual temptations, you will receive more rewards in heaven and will be a blessing. Fornication is always easy for me to avoid, but masturbation has been the biggest problem. Realizing that sexual desire can be a blessing as a single person has provided me a lot of motivation to avoid masturbation recently. It is really hard and not easy. Minimize masturbation as much as you can to honor God. God knows what you can handle in that mission. Just stay motivated and keep your eyes on the prize, which is Jesus.

      • Eunice. on

        Mark, as said earlier, the fight is real.
        Keep fighting but know that one day, it will end.
        With everything that’s been said, let’s bear in mind that our life here on earth is only temporal. Yh, I’m not married and the sexual urges are strong but where do I want to spend eternity?
        When Christ comes, I’ll rather He finds me fighting to stay pure than in sin.
        If few minutes of pleasure in the wrong way can guarantee a HELL FOREVER, man, think again. Because on that final day, when rapture has occurred and you find yourself left behind, your sexual desires will not even come to mind.
        Pray and ask God to make away for you in marriage. And when you pray, do not doubt. He knows best and Mark, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Know that.

      • Bly on

        Well, I’m single and I’m burning. I get you more than you can imagine. I wish God sent a man who’d marry me and we’d be intimate every day. God bless, Bly, 48 year old very attractive and loving God woman

    11. Sarah Mwape on

      Its not easy overcoming this stuff but with God it is very easy. He is our strength. I am 31 and these feeling hey keep becoming high everyday! I want to be married.

      Reply
      • Alison on

        If you want to have sex, have sex. God doesn’t care about your marital status. A bunch of controlling people want you to think that, though. No shame. Marriage is made up by man—not God.

      • Amy on

        I just left a similar comment to someone else because they too said what you said, to get married to control your sexual desires.
        That is NOT why you get married. That is literally THE WORST REASON. And just because two people are married does not mean they owe each other sex. Just because you’re married DOES NOT mean you have to have sex. I hope you get married for all the right reasons and to the best person before any of that..

    12. Alison on

      To anyone reading this: first off, be healthy and have sex only with who you want to and when you want to. Second, anyone who tells you that God “wants you to be married” to have sex is, frankly, a lying sack of crap. Nowhere does it say that. Sexual shame is a tool for people to control you and it is unhealthy. Just be accountable to your own heart, soul, and head. You can believe in something bigger than yourself and still control your sexual destiny—it isn’t either or.

      Reply
      • w on

        Your opinion matters to yourself. you were not forced, neither were you obliged to leave a message on here.
        I am just curious. how do you know that ” anyone who tells you that God “wants you to be married ” to have sex is, frankly a lying sack of crap”.
        Does that mean that what you profess to be the truth could also be a lie to others?
        Settle yourself and opinion, go have sex if you like. The gospel was preached and those who have an ear and know it is the truth will follow. Others who believe it is a lie then so be. To each their own.

      • Blessing on

        Alison, you can’t be more wrong. In fact, your advice leads to destruction.
        Go back and read the Bible because I’m sure you never have. Sex outside marriage is a sin even if you’re having it with just one person and you’re faithful to that person. All these new age infiltrations into Christianity are satans’s trick to turn us from God’s truth.
        Our sexual desire is a blessing from God. We must learn to control it as we learn to control other urges. You may think sexual urges are the strongest but for some people, some urges are stronger than sex believe it or not.
        I’ll rather go through the struggle of overcoming sexual sin while I wait to get married than satisfy my flesh now and lose my friendship with God.
        Stop preaching the devil’s message to mislead people please. The consequence from God will be grave.

    13. Betanie on

      thanks for this.. im a single 20 yr old girl, i never had bfs coz my familys against it but since i was a child, as in before even reaching teen age, its my desire to have a sexual intercourse, but ofc i dont. but now its growing stronger, the desire even if im not yet done in college. i hope this will stop, but its growing more intense, at the same time, i dont wanna go to hell.

      Reply
      • Charles on

        I’ve been very faithful to God and finally I thought I found the woman of my dreams and we were both virgins. You have me a man of 27 and her a woman of 24. I never asked her even one time for sex but what does everyone in hear think happened? Two people who have gone that long without giving in and suddenly we meet each other. Of course your going to screw around the mind is to curious to not wonder how does this work. Yes we thought deep down that we would get married but she couldn’t handle the rest because of a disability and her sex drive was way up there and I denied her several times but it started to scare me that if I couldn’t satisfy her she would leave. Well guess what while I fell in love because I knew what I wanted she did not. She was very scared of the outside world that didn’t exist outside her comfort zone aka her house. She broke up with me over a text. What now. All I wanted was to be there for her but any time she had any type of skin to skin contact with me I automatically knew where it was leading to. Turns out while I loved her she was just infatuated with me. I just want to love a woman whose morals are good and pure. I told her I waited 27 years few more would not of killed me but I gave in am I ashamed no. Does it feel like my virginity was stolen yes.

      • Anonymous on

        We are on the same page,am 20 also my parents don’t even want me to have a male friend not to talk of boy friend..I feel this sexual urge and I hate it because I don’t want to sin ,this sexual urge is very hard to control,and even when I want to love someone I feel it’s a sin because my dad said we should not,I can’t even have a Godly relationship with a boy.i really want to serve God and my parents rules are putting making me feel locked up

        Before I don’t care,that is when I was still in sin,but now I care because the Bible says obey your parents…am just in confusion

        But reading people’s comment here helped me alot.
        I thought I was the only one going through this on Earth

    14. Mary on

      I live in hell because after menopause my sexual desire came back like I was a teenager. My husband left for another woman and I spent the next 16 years caring for parents. I haven’t found anyone to marry and I shouldn’t have to just so I can have sex. I heard another elderly woman call into a Catholic radio show to ask what do I do with these feelings but received no answer. I’m beginning to think there is no answer. I have tried to do the will of the Lord, begged him to take these desires away but he hasn’t. No amount of trying to think about something else makes a difference. It won’t stop in a week or longer until I get rid of it. Then I feel the hell I’m talking about. All the guilt from people who seem to have overcome this making me feel weak. Seems like my life goes bad after I sin as if I’m being punished for something beyond my control. I don’t think about sex or read anything it just happens. It’s biological. I don’t want to go to hell either but I can’t live thinking about sex all the time if I don’t get rid of it. None of what I read helps me.

      Reply
      • Mato on

        With sexual intercourse comes a lot of responsibility. Focus on your studies for now.

    15. Daniela on

      I’m in my late 40s now and am still waiting for the man I can serve the Lord best with. I find it really hard dealing with my sex drive. It’s sometimes a huge struggle and I have given in to masturbation and also pornography many times. I’m just hoping I won’t have to battle these temptations for the rest of my life. God has instilled this desire for a companion and for physical intimacy in me, but for some reason He has seen fit not to fulfil my desire up till now. But I pray that He will act on my behalf soon!

      Reply
    16. Natalia on

      I am a married woman. 30 yrs old. I never thought I would have this struggle again, but I am once again having to constantly come to the Lord and ask him to help me through my desires. I am simply the one with the higher sex drive, I desire that intimacy daily, whereas my husband is literally ok with never. He is 28😭When we do, we can never get to a regular point because he says he feels “depleted”. We are both healthy and in shape, minimal stress with our jobs, we have been beyond blessed. I just don’t get it. Let this be a warning though. The devil is crafty. Before we came to Christ we fornicated and I would say were perfectly matched in our frequency and very fulfilled. I tell you the purpose of marriage is above all else is to make you “holy”, don’t rely on marriage to fix your happiness that can only come from God. Also, is anyone else beyond sick of hearing how this is a male issue? It makes me feel like a freak of nature. Being rejected sexually is quite possibly one of the most hurtful things you can experience because of the nature of vulnerability in such a deep personal need. Another thing I’ve learned is that frequency should be agreed upon before marriage and you work on making that a priority. Sorry if that sounds mechanical, but I have never once had sex with my husband without intimacy. He refuses to “schedule” sex because he fears a lack of intimacy, but I reassure him that just coming together will create that intimacy. Also, what everyone needs to hear who is battling this struggle is that this is such a worthy fight! You will regret SO much bringing the baggage of fornication and porn addiction into a new marriage and also creating a huge issue within a marriage. My husband and I have shameful sexual pasts before we knew the Lord and the hurt and pain we caused ourselves and each other is immense even after 2 yes of marriage and the assuredness that we are forgiven. No matter what, it is never worth it!

      Reply
      • Blessing on

        God bless you for sharing such insights. I pray that God will touch your husband’s heart and bring him to the point of desiring you as much as you desire him and that you’ll satisfy each other always.l

      • SSn'B on

        Hey there! Please pray to God for restoration of everything the devil stole, the sexual compatibility in your marriage.

        When you fornicated you opened the door for him in your sexual life , so he stole and destroyed because that’s what the thief does.

        But the word of God says if the thief is found, he shall restore what he stole 7 fold. So now that you know it’s the devil.
        – Repent again together with your husband or do it on behalf of both of you since you are one body

        -ask God to heal both of you from repurcussions of that sin and bless your marriage

        -and take authority and demand the devil to restore the sexual compatibility , etc everything you know you both had while fornicating but you no longer have

        – and then believe you have received it and thank God for it.

        because God has given you the authority to walk over serpents and scorpions and all demonic power, so use that authority and take back what was/is yours with interest! May God bless your marriage!

    17. Alexus on

      Wow thanks for this article I finally felt like someone got it! Someone knew what I was dealing with, it’s just sad not to have a lot of sisters in Christ comfortable and open talking about this private issue together. It seems like no ones wants to, because they’re afraid they’ll be judged, but I would love that. Pray for my strength though it is hard sometimes, but I know it’ll be worth it, because Christ is, don’t give up guys! I know it’s easier said than done. God bless.

      Reply
    18. James Sanchez on

      My name is James and I read all the remarks. I’m a 40-something male that was married at one time but it’s no longer due to infidelity on her part. I felt ripped off for many years and treated women badly for it. I was baptized at a young age but wasn’t in the face until a few years back. My libido is higher than ever and the only thing I got out of all of the comments was that I am not alone. Other than that I am still searching for some kind of answer regarding my sexual desires. Please pray for me cuz I don’t want to go to hell

      Reply
      • Moriah Dufrin on

        James,

        Thank you for sharing your struggles openly and honestly. I will of course encourage you to turn to God’s word and fellow believers for wisdom and healing. However, might I also recommend searching out a Christian counselor or therapist to talk through your desires and find a solution? Oftentimes, diving deep into the root of the issue can result in healing.

        May God bless you as you fight to honor him.
        Blessings,
        Moriah

      • Blessing on

        James, I pray God will give you the grace to stay pure and also speedily give you a lovely woman that will stay faithful to you.

    19. Joshua on

      it Is a curse. It is a punishment. I have begged for God to take away any sexual desire from me . Every time someone tries to share their evidence that it is a blessing frustrates me although I respect their position.

      Reply
      • Blessing on

        Sorry Joshua but your view doesn’t change the fact that sex is a blessing.
        I am freaking with the pressure while trusting God for a lovely husband. Do same

    20. Lebo on

      Dont give the body what it wants all the time. Dont be slave to the body & its desires. Meditate often, find support & other hobbies, divorce social media & fake friends. Accept & dont deny the punishment! Acceptance lightens the load!

      Reply
    21. Henna on

      Only problem with letting temptation take its route is.. this temptation never ends..sex and sexual pleasure is strongest desire in this world…

      If someone doesn’t want to enter any time of sexual relationship then lifestyle change can help to some extent. Moderate exercise, eat freshly cooked food with herbs n spices that are cooling in nature, adequate sleep, stop browsing, listening to and speaking about stuff relative to sexual stuff, find a purpose either at home, office or anywhere else, those who believe in God try meditating on his/her name. It is not easy for anyone but try it, try to go to root of desire and thoughts, what u think whole day? How you perceive different people u meet? Starting changing that if that is based only on sexual stuff, wear clothes that don’t make u look hot, avoid long solo mretings with gender u are attracted to.

      Reply
    22. Jessica on

      I’m a 25 year old woman and a virgin. I’ve always been a sexual girl since I was a child. Yes, a child. Wanna know why ? I was sexually abused by an old creep when I was 7 years old. I had no idea of what was going on but I liked the feeling. I never thought I was being abused or anything like that, I had no idea of what was sex or that I could feel pleasure by stimulating my parts. When I got older, I understood what happened but it was too late. I used to be very “touchy” with my friends and I used to masturbate daily, more than once. Surprisingly I have never had sex. Never got intimate with a boy. I don’t know if God was protecting me or what, I wasn’t a Christian but I have always tried to be a good girl for my parents and God. Things got a little worse. The “normal” porn didn’t satisfy me anymore, I started to watch gay porn and feel extremely aroused, even more than the “regular” one. No, I have not attraction for people of the same sex, like romantically, but sexually, yes. I would pretty much have sex with a girl. It’s disgusting how weak a person can get. I started to fantasize more. Rape, gangbang, incest, etc, I would feel extremely horny just by thinking about it. I wanted to do the dirtiest things ever, with whoever I could think about. I started to not see people anymore, only sexual beings. This is extremely dangerous!! You start to think that all these perverted acts are normal, it makes you sin against God. I used to meet someone and think about how the sex would be. After some things happened (my mom dying, me being depressed and suicidal) I started to realize life wasn’t just that. Life wasn’t sex. I used to masturbate every time to forget about my problems, it’s an addiction just like drugs. The problem is that is temporary. I would feel good after doing it but after a few hours I felt miserable again and the cycle would continue. Fast forward, I became a Christian and got baptized. You know the first love thing ? For the first time in my life I haven’t felt the urge to masturbate everyday. Months passed by and I kept faithful to God, I just couldn’t believe that, I thought I was free. However, I started feel that urge again because my relationship with God got weaker and my desires were coming back. I’m still weak with God and this is why I’m reading this today. I don’t wanna go back to my old way of living, I was a prisoner of my twisted perverted mind. I realized that when our minds are not filled with God and His promises, it becomes easier to listen to our own desires. It’s a daily battle. I have failed but unlike the other times, I feel extremely guilty after it so I really think I’m saved by God. No, I’m not afraid of going to hell I just feel disappointed because I don’t want to upset God. What I want to tell you is that you are who you are for a reason. You need to know yourself, know what drives your sex drive to the point of sinning against God. I’ve seen a comment say that sex is a necessity like eating or breathing. No, it’s NOT the same thing. You won’t die if you don’t have sex unlike the other two. Sex it’s NOT a necessity but a gift from God and it’s meant to be shared with the person you love, if it was a necessity we would actually die if we didn’t do it and we know this isn’t possible. I’ll keep fighting and I won’t let my mind win. I might lose a few battles but I have the Creator of everything by my side. I hope my testimony helps someone.

      Reply
      • Favour on

        God bless you Jessica, God bless you. My story is very much like yours, I’m happy, glad, encouraged and blessed to know that I have fellow Christians who love God and don’t want to hurt Him in anyway. I used to masturbate, fornicate and visualize all evils but now I’ve truly found God; He actually found me first. It took a long time to find Him back. I’m 21 now but I’ve had MORE THAN 20 partners, 2 abortions, threesome, sex with cousins and other sins I’ve committed but I want to say that God forgives, He cleanses, He heals, He loves more than we know it. I still struggle with small sexual urges but it’s nothing compared to who I was at age 13-18. I praise God that I’m alive, Knowing Him the more and consciously pleasing Him.

        I hope someone is blessed, encouraged and turned to God permanently by these words.

        Something I have come to understand here is that there’s no “Cure” to sexual urges because it’s not a disease, it’s an OPPORTUNITY to show God that you’ve conquered the devil today, you have DECIDED to please Him even though it’s not convenient for you at that time. It’s a PROCESS, a JOURNEY, not a destination; getting brighter and brighter till the time my Jesus will come to take us home. God bless you as you read, please know that you’re not alone, 90% of the times I’m awake in a day, sex flashes my mind but I choose to send it off IMMEDIATELY.
        1. Never habour/ incubate the feelings; you’ll fall.
        2. Channel your energy and thoughts to God always by Godly praise and worship (via phones, singing,etc)
        3. Allow the Holy Spirit into your mind, heart and thoughts

        God bless you, Jesus Christ loves you and He died that you may make Heaven, please don’t waste His sacrifice and Blood

      • Michael on

        Hi I was so blessed by your testimony and there are many traits I can see and understand.Sometimes sexual abuse can open doors to sexual awareness for some where sexual desires,cravings ect begin to dominate a persons life.(This has happened to individuals I know )..
        However it’s not in all cases of course..but in some cases it can..many cases we know it just creates terrible traumas and pain.
        I have battled with sexual desires for many years and I have had bad relationships in the past and even met women who sought to trap me via sex..God has been my constant delivera and he knows how pleasurable sexual desires are and how they can torment us terribly at times.
        I really empathise with your testimony and it’s a daily constant struggle to win..there are times we may slip up.. but keeping going..God will never leave our side.
        Theres something that’s drawn me to your testimony..
        May God grant us our hearts desires to meet someone via him that will lead to marriage

      • Michael on

        Opps I forgot..my previous comments are for Jessica.
        I didnt put your name there!😊

      • Patsy on

        Ok, so while lack of sex doesn’t actually litterally kill a person, not addressing the chemical imbalance and resulting reactions when sexual activities are engaged in absolutely will. One of the primary reasons that people are driven to sex is due to neuro chemistry. Depression and anxiety are both alleviated by it, just as they are by any substance. Depression and anxiety are both symptoms of living in a fallen world. They aren’t lack of faith, and medicine isn’t always very effective. Know what else is a symptom of living in a fallen world, rape culture, puritanical views, and lust, for sex, for money, for comfort, for basic needs even, but all addiction comes back to the chemicals in our brains. Mind over matter? How does guarding your mind work when it is full of toxins and lacking micro nutrients? I get the taking up the cross and denying the self…..but I also know that God doesn’t punish people for being sick, and that the sick ones, all of us, are WHY we needed a cross, why he came here. I also know Jesus was never married, never raped, never had sex, so God knows many temptations first hand, but this…. wasn’t one of them. Still he had more compassion and mercy for sex workers (and adulterous women) than his followers at the time, or the church of today. Women in particular are vulnerable both because of the curse from The Fall, AND because while equality has come a long way, we are still physically the weaker sex AND as it is still in every sense “a man’s world” at the mercy of the institutions and popular thought in place. Most women wind up having extramarital sex seeking approval from men. Gen 3:16 To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” -We have no choice in it, and while life in a nunnery would certainly make things easier, it’s also less available these days especially if you’re not Catholic. I’m just saying, God’s answer was always don’t have sex until marriage in the first place but never what to do if you screwed up or worse it was forced on you. The secular world doesn’t have answers either. From what I can tell most of us are trying to figure it out by ourselves as we go, and mostly failing. I wish I were able to bear a physical litteral cross instead of this. You know what you’re doing, what the next step is, what to expect and what the result will look like. You have hope that bearing that cross will end, that would be easy by comparison. This, is a quagmire of doubt, insecurity, confusion, pain, both physical, mental and emotional and constant condemnation. The Holy Spirit isn’t the only spirit that offers a sense of conviction, or condemnation as it were. How many times has a person felt convicted over something they had no control over, or a decision that was impossible? How is not being able to control your sex drive any different? The only control we really have is to not follow through with impulses and that often (almost always) leaves us a miserable wreck. The Holy Spirit gives us some self control yes, when you’re conscious and opparating at full cognitive capacity. When the part of you that it opparates through is actually broken (your mind) being judged and condemned by the world, by the church, by others is not conducive to healing. Really what it all comes down to is we all need healing from even the wounds we inflicted on ourselves. The healing process is gruelling, most never make it to the end because they aren’t told ahead of time, they aren’t coached or mentored and wouldn’t even know where to look for help. We need an e.r. for the spirit with people trained in emergency response and triage of the soul. We need people with better understanding of spiritual warfare and how to handle it. I feel like I’m in bondage to my own biology, and death is the only cure. So tell me again how lack of sex doesn’t kill, it’s certainly lead me down that road enough times. I’m bitter atm. It’s really hard to receive a message or testimony or behave lovingly when your wounds are festering bitterness. Im aware that bitterness leaves little room for God to work. It takes up incredible space and energy. But I’m powerless against it right now. I’m sorry if I offended, but I have no one else to talk to and no where to vent. In fact praying about it just makes me feel more guilty and weak and unworthy. Heck of a catch 22 isn’t it?

      • Liz on

        Some demons can only be beat through prayer and fasting.Sexual or any other sin open you to other sins more serious then what you are used to.It’s especially true of sexual sins.I have experienced it myself!

        You open an evil portal and lead through a real rabbit hole!
        I was with a man for 21 years and 9 months and prayed for his healing and to be able to be married to him and i’d rather lose everything than lose him but he did not grant my prayer request-he died!!!!
        Afterwards,God said to me that i prayed wrong,that it was better to pray “I’d rather lose everything even him than put my relationship with You Lord God in jeopardy or danger”.I felt the hand of God like king David did when he sinned,after my guy died.It was 27 degrees Celsius in the whole house and i felt freezing though i had many downy and blankets and all my windows were closed!I felt his hand weight heavy on me physically.I cried out to the Father and he answered me and took away the heaviness and put peacefulness instead.
        God is good but is just and will “woop your behind” if you err.He don’t mess around with us when we do not go the right way!Also,sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God so if you fall,repent and ask for help from the almighty and do not give up till you are “home”.Fight the good fight of faith till the end.The kingdom of God is to be taken by violence…against all things earthly/fleshy/”cut it off rather than be sent to hell with the whole body” type of attitude to adopt.We are in a war spiritually.And the evil one wars against us on our mind first cause “where the mind goes,man follows”!

        I am encouraged that i ain’t alone in the struggle!Especially when it seems everyone’s getting married and the devil whispers “you can have any man you want but can never marry!” as they rest of the assembly celebrates yet another birth among many-yay!They have kids and i don’t and it seems soooo easy for them!

        May our gracious and powerful God rebuke the accuser of the faithful and keep us “from entering temptation”!That,in the “our Father” is mentioned to pray for!

        Man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that God says.May we live by his spirit and not by the flesh!

        Seek the kingdom of God (doing his will for it) and the rest shall be given to you!

        May the peace of our lord that passes all understanding be with you my sister in Christ Jesus!

        PS.:See my other comment,i struggled too since very young!

      • Maggie on

        I relate so much with you.. Can we talk more? I think two would be better than one😊

      • Rujo on

        May the LORD, Jesus Christ, walk with you always, sister.

    23. Gregory on

      Just a thought, why don’t we as Christians look at abstinence and celibacy as a virtue? I mean, it seems to me, married Christians either look down on single Christians and judge “there must be something wrong with him” that he can’t find a wife, or they pity us. My question is why don’t we treat singleness with honor? In the catholic church they REVERE their celibate priests. And even in the very earliest church virgins we seen as being extra pious to the point of pride/bragging about it. The early centuries had a proliferation of monasteries where single men and woman would *choose* to live the rest of their lives. What happened to that spirit amoung us Christian’s? How has something that was once viewed as a great and noble thing now turned into shame and pity?

      Reply
      • Eric Breaux on

        Celibacy isn’t necessary. When God originally created every type of thing and being he did, the only thing he said wasn’t good was being alone. This doesn’t mean just being without other humans, because after Adam and Eves first meeting it states that for this reason shall people be married and the two become one flesh, referring to us being made male and female. The reason was not to reproduce more friends of the same race, animals reproduce without marriage. What makes marriage unique is the intimacy, it’s purpose is itself. Creation was not very good until marriage was made, because there was nothing more needed to improve anything. When Paul wrote about the benefit of celibacy, he specifically wrote that it was because of the distress happening at the time, and having that relationship provides something more significant to lose, so as he wrote, he was trying to spare people more despair.

    24. Perplexed on

      Can you please explain why you think a strong sex drive as a single is a blessing?

      Reply
    25. Serene on

      Here is a 44yo woman speaking after reading this piece and most of the comments. I have my struggles with strong sexual desires and can relate to what many of you have been through.

      There is something that Jesus said that came to mind as I ponder on this issue of a single person having this problem.

      Luke 9:23 King James Version (KJV)
      And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

      Is this not what a person wanting to follow Christ has to do – to first deny self, then take up his cross daily?

      And so, I am comforted and encouraged, knowing that my heavenly Father knows my struggle, and is in control of all things (He is sovereign) and as His child, I just need to focus on striving towards living a holy life that will please Him, in spite of such struggles that seem to drown me at times!

      Fellow comrade, let us press on in this good fight of faith, regardless of whether we get married or remain single!

      Reply
    26. Miss-C on

      The good things I picked up from some of these comments is that I’m not alone and that we feel conviction of ungodly sexual acts. The Holy Spirit is our Helper and convicts us of sin. I face struggles as well and I would think at the age of 35 things would get better. Being a woman of this age makes any chance of finding a husband much harder. Never did get married. So it’s tough but as someone here said we don’t get married just to have sex it’s selfish. And I’d like to add marriage has it’s own dynamics. So don’t expect things to stay the same. Anyway, what helps me is that I keep a journal about my life as a Christian of my successes, failures and attitude towards situations, people or whatever, and then reflect back on it to examine my progress on spiritual maturity. If I backslide I would sit with my bible and look for scriptures to help me. Now we can read the words but the question is do we actually apply it? In the heat of temptation what do you do? Run to pornography? Stimulate yourself for relief yet feel guilty afterwards? Also, pay attention to your thoughts in that very moment. Does Jesus even come into your mind and what He teaches us? Is what we’re thinking in alignment to His word? Remember, the war we fight is a spiritual one. The enemy operates in the physical senses but God operates in the Spirit. The enemy will attack your mind and that’s where the battle happens. ONLY YOU CAN MAKE A CHOICE TO TURN TO JESUS IN THAT VERY HOUR OF NEED OR TURN TO SATAN. Focus on your mind rather than what your flesh is feeling at the moment. Where is your armor in this battle? Particularly the helmet of salvation to protect your mind? Feelings come and go especially sexual feelings. The spirit is different- it’s eternal. If you want to be delivered then take this seriously and always be ready for war. IT TAKES EFFORT. Denying yourself means denying laziness. If you want to be made well then take up your bed and walk. Know this if you choose Christ and follow Him, Satan will be at your heels to try and make you fall until the day you leave this earth. So you got to keep fighting and pray for strength to endure. He who endures to the end shall be saved. Noone said the Christian life would be easy even Jesus said that there’ll be tribulations. Anyway, here are some scriptures that is helpful to me and can help you as well:
      * Psalm 73:28 James 4:8 , 2 Corinthians 7:1
      *Psalm 19:12-13
      *Hebrews 4: 13,15 &16
      *Hebrews 10:26-27 &29
      *1 John 1:9
      *Proverbs 4:23
      *Ephesians 6: 11-12
      *Psalm 32:1-5
      *Luke 11: 24-26
      In that moment of temptation turn away from it immediately and meditate on these scriptures. Also pray that the Holy Spirit bring forth scriptures to remembrance to help you in this fight.

      On a final note, don’t allow an open door to the enemy because Jesus has cleansed you. If you do then you allow more demonic spirits to enter and you will be far worse than before. A repetition of sin causes your heart to harden and becomes difficult to overcome.

      I thank the author for this platform where we can help one another in this struggle. I pray for each one here and those who may still come seeking help with this problem. In Jesus we are not defeated but overcomers. Persevere! God bless.

      Reply
    27. Patsy on

      Hopeless, that’s how I feel. I have struggled with addiction to porn/masturbation since I was very young. I didn’t experiment with sex with others until I was an adult. I’ve never been married, but I have been wild. I was raised in the church but didn’t *know* salvation until very recently. I’m almost 40. I’m in a relationship, but we live separately and have been celibate. But I am plagued, this drive is NOT a gift when you’re unmarried. It isn’t enough or a healthy motivator to seek marriage. I doubt sincerely that marriage is going to happen with my current boyfriend. I understand that God calls some of us to be single for life, but considering ALL were built to be “pack oriented” the church utterly fails to assist those meant to be single. It also offers very little to Christian singles who would like to mingle. The world has made dating and finding marriage almost impossible, particularly for single moms who are born again. Even “Christian men” do not by and large observe biblical teachings in this. No where does the Bible address how to manage the chemical reaction in our brains that contribute to this, and neither does the church. Sex drive isn’t exactly the same as being tempted to gossip about someone, it’s not as easy to avoid like triggers of traditional addiction. You CAN’T “change your play ground, play mates and play things” like is taught in recovery programs. Your playground is built in, you can’t escape it anymore than your thoughts. In some cases you can’t do anything about playmates….and like the playground, your playthings are also…built in. This isn’t just hard, it’s crippleing….it causes physical pain, emotional pain, spiritual unrest, it becomes consuming and distracting. Praying helps… sometimes….a little. But barely. Believe me when I tell you I’ve tried everything, including a constant minute to minute crying out to God and pouring out of the soul. I’ve tried seeking out counseling from church elders, I’ve worked the template of confession and seeking healing. I’ve gone through the process of cutting soul ties, I’ve given over to God all that I could (my sins, my heart, my thoughts, my nature, my burdens, all that I am), and find I have to repeat the process over again daily, sometimes like starting over from square 1. I even sought a hysterectomy hoping that would nullify the biological ticking of the clock, was refused and settled on hormone therapy (FYI not helping anything besides weight loss and hair growth) I would use convenant eyes but don’t have anyone to use with it. I live in a house full of pseudo/baby Christians, in a rural area where the churches are dying, litterally, the only ones that have substantial congregation teach heresy. There are no support groups, there is very little to do by way of social activity with the churches or without. There is no real answers for how to recover once you’ve soiled “the vessel” how to unlearn what you know you’re missing, how to reconcile what you’ve been, or been through. There isn’t really “a way out” once you’ve already gone down the road of carnal desires. Not without God actually wiping your mind clean of memories and experience and that almost never happens. What I know is that this sex drive is causing a schism in me, it’s destroying me in very real ways no matter how much I avoid sexual content or activities. It’s destroying my relationship, and my ability to think clearly or regulate my emotions. I may not have to worry about being burned at the stake or branded with a scarlet letter, but I still have to worry about being institutionalized, and treated like a pariah. God meets many needs, but he doesn’t fullfill our need for physical human contact. Look to Genesis 2:18 to verify this. What no one from the church ever takes into consideration is how simple affection can assuage the need. All the same chemicals we get from sex we get from hugs, kisses and being physically close with people who we have meaningful relationships with. Kisses don’t need to be passionate to trigger the release of vasopressin. Intimacy doesn’t need to be carnal to be therapeutic, hugs, extended eye contact, and neck rubs can trigger oxytocin, so can cuddles and for men, eating triggers it. For people who are sensory seeking the absolute worst thing to have to endure is deprivation and in a hyper sexualized world where the popular church teaching is puritanical that’s the only answer you ever get. Maybe if we put less emphasis on the inherrant temptation of physical contact with the opposite sex (or person of desire) and more emphasis on the purity of physical contact with people we love and how innocent that contact can be, a lot less people would struggle so much and feel less damaged. I am suffering, I can’t help but wonder how much endurance God thinks I need if I’m supposed to be rejoicing that suffering produces it. It’s hard to rejoice when you feel choked, smothered and in pain. It’s hard to trust when you feel abandoned and if you’re being plagued from something that comes from within that separates you from God’s glory how can you not feel abandoned? Having a strong sex drive would be a gift in a relationship where it’s evenly matched, and appreciated. But I’m afraid that’s not likely to happen for most born again Christians seeking to walk the walk. When you have a strong sex drive and can’t apply it in the biblical sense it is absolutely unequivocally a curse. Until you’ve lived it you cannot understand it, nor is anyone else in the church likely to understand or sympathize. Those who might are too busy hiding their history to glorify God for his good work in them by mentoring others facing the same battles. I have to say it feels like a losing battle and unfortunately at least so far hadn’t been one God fights in my stead. As a matter of fact, the worse the attack the less he’s there in this case. When the temptation is such that no matter what you do you cannot escape not even into the Oblivion of sleep where is “the out” that was promised in 1 Cor 10:13? I can’t just wake up and read my Bible every 15 minutes I need sleep! I’m sorry but this advice is still vague and empty of any real solutions. This is not ok, I am not ok, and don’t know if I ever will be.

      Reply
      • Kay Bruner on

        Hey there. A whole lot of our thinking around sexuality isn’t of God: it’s of purity culture. I don’t think God is the one asking you to suffer; it’s purity culture. Here are some titles that will challenge purity culture, maybe make you uncomfortable, but from what I’m hearing you say, purity culture is massively failing you like it has everyone else. Here are some new thoughts.

        Pure, by Linda Kay Klein.
        Shameless, Nadia Bolz Webber
        Good Christian Sex, Bromleigh McCleneghan

        Peace to you,
        Kay

      • Maricela on

        Hi Patsy, I have recently entered this journey of celibacy it was hard because it ended in a breakup with my boyfriend who I like very much. I am 22 so about half your age I too have been wild and I would love to talk to you in depth. Every one in this reply chat is suffering from sex and it is some what relieving and I think we need to talk about it with each other! Talk about our struggles and feelings of hopelessness and doubt! It’s a beautiful thing to share with people that feel are lacking all the answers! Please feel free to email me, anyone! To converse and gain perspective about our Lord! Having friends is a great way to realize that there is a connection and bond that is indeed stronger than sex and so much more pure.

      • Liz on

        Sounds like Dopamine got a choke hold on you too Huh?Look up how to free yourself from Dopamine.

        The people in the church are not always consoling to others because they cannot or not willing to put themselves in others shoes!They talk scriptures but are not practical and don’t want to sit with you to see HOW and WHAT pains you!Some even give me an attitude like they can serve the Lord without “it” so i should be able to based on the scriptures!But they are not me, you see?

        Advice:Don’t ask a person whose married and has had their children or someone who is old in the assembly for advice on “self-control”…they don’t feel anything “down there”.Self control is a fruit of the holy spirit.That’s what you need.
        See:https://www.compellingtruth.org/self-control-fruit-Spirit.html

        Ultimately,it is to God that we must ask for this particular gift to be displayed in us.It is God that walks with us,even if we don’t always feel his presence with us,he is working.He is refining us
        “through the fire” and we will become as pure gold!
        You”ll overcome “not by strength nor by might but by my spirit says the Lord”.”What is impossible for man is possible for God”.”God takes us from glory to glory”…It’s a process,be patient with yourself and in your trials if you can’t “rejoice” in them.Rejoicing in trials not that you have them but for all the fruits it will produce in the future to make you holy.

        Perhaps this article can help explain:https://mikeratliff.wordpress.com/2020/06/08/joy-in-trials/

        God promised that he would never leave you nor forsake you even if your mum forgets you he won’t forget you.Your body is his temple.he is always by your side and understands your sorrows cause he was tempted in “every way”,yet did not sin.We have a high priest that understands or plight!

        Where is the fellowship in your church?Move if you cannot find mature Christians around.Pray to find the right church.Not worth losing ones soul by staying with sinners-get out of there!The scriptures specifically state that we are to bear each others crosses!!!Where are your christian “homies”?Who has your back and pray for you and listening to you?Who gonna chaperone you when the guy you are talking too comes to town?(If that happens,keep your personal garden secret like projects for the future,until you guy’s are fiances.And do not be alone with him,not even for bible study!-do so in groups.).Also,YouTube has christian answers about relationships and keeping your heart (garden) veiled until marriage.

        I agree with you on the contact part-Have to put it in it’s rightful place!Physical touch is also good for the immune system and DNA.

        Do not stop persevering and ask and knock and he will answer.Be like the persistent widow in Luke 18 verse 1 to 8!

        Don’t stay alone with your cross and help others “iron sharpens iron”.Focus on God’s will and apply it and he will aid you in return.Sometimes it does help not to focus on our problems but try help and pray for others.No Christians an island!;-)

        Where is the out?Deuteronomy 31:6 that “The Eternal Your God will himself walk with you!”It is true and so is God-tried,tested and true!

        Do the elders do healing prayers on people as required in the scriptures to the apostles?If not-find a church who carries the will of God to heal it’s people!It can also be that you need to see a doctor in psychology/gynecology/sexology…They can see if your neurotransmitters are whack or if you have an ovarian cyst that can up the libido or PGAS or PGAD.
        See:https://www.healthline.com/health/persistent-genital-arousal-disorder

        Don’t lose hope!I can tell you i have been through some sexual upheavals and evils and i have been much worse.It does get better when you “trust and lean on God and not on your understanding”.

        Remember,Jesus job was to heal the sick and free the captives.The Christians job is that now!To continue Jesus job-especially the pastors and elders!…”you will know them by their fruits”!

      • Ulie on

        Hi Patsy
        You have given the most honest response. You have articulated something I have been so afraid to articulate… genuine feelings of hopelessness. None of the suggestions in the article are helpful because I’ve heard them before, I’ve tried them, but I still find myself at the same place over and over again.

        I want God to change me, it’s my heart’s desire but it seems my sexual desires over power that. I’m exhausted, I’m discouraged and like you, I’m not okay. It breaks my heart that you’re battling through this because I know the pain and frustration.

        Thank you for being real. I know this isn’t really encouraging (because it never feels like it for me and if I’m honest I sometimes feel like it doesn’t help), but I’m praying for your pain and hopelessness with the same breath that I pray for my own, because a small part of me does not want to believe that God has abandoned us in this.

    28. Maricela on

      I did not put my email down. My email is maricela.c.velazquez@gmail.com
      This is not my personal email so don’t feel weird.
      I am 22 and female and I want to talk about our temptation for sex! I would love to share how we feel, i think it is a blessing to see how many people are struggling to find the way and are not blind to their sin. I would love to share about what helps us and what doesnt with anyone!

      Reply
      • Jamess on

        Hi, I am in my 30’s. Been a Christian since teenage years. Still holding on for my purity as of now. Anyone here who can give me their experience on having sex before marriage? Worst case scenario is that I’ll find an escort just to satisfy this desire. Please help.
        I have a gf and curious if she is struggling as well. We are very silent on this matter. Need friends to discuss this matters.

      • Maricela Velazquez on

        Hi James, I accept your invitation! I was not able to respond to your email, it said your email address did not exist. But I guess we can talk here or try another email?

      • Maricela on

        My emails keep getting rejected :/

    29. Pastor Nsikie langwenya on

      Hi guys some cravings are demonic especialy when you practise mastubartion .masturbation calls more demons of sexual desire easily and the only way to break this cycle as a christian is to be delivered by pastors who are well experienced in deliverance

      Reply
    30. Eric on

      None of this is really helpful advice.
      Here’s the reality:
      Every person (self-identified asexuals notwithstanding) is a sexual being with sexual drives.
      The bible was written in a cultural context where it was relatively easy to get married.
      In our cultural context it isn’t easy to get married. Marriage just isn’t open to everyone, whether because they haven’t found a spouse yet or because of a myriad of other reasons.
      The Church needs to find a way to resolve this problem. Either make it easier to get married and fix our broken dating market, or carve out a space in our theology where sexual activity can be permitted for the unmarried. It doesn’t need to be anything goes. In fact there should be strict guidelines around it. But the Church must stop insisting on marriage as the only moral way to engage in sexual activity.

      I’m almost inclined to agree with Augustine and Aquinas, who argued that prostitution should be legal and regulated on the principle that if there is no sewer then the filth will spill out into the streets. It seems that this is exactly what has happened.

      Reply
      • Jaeson on

        Well you are right in saying the church should fix our broken dating market. Churches have little to nothing for singles to just meet and chat. Everything turns into a service. Once you hit 30 if you are female you are generally unwanted. This is due to poor discipleship and pushing men to think a woman’s only purpose is to make babies.

        The Bible says zero about Master Masterbation
        . ..zero…..

        While I do think porn is wrong because it sexualizes a person who is not one’s spouse and involves ex trafficking and exploitation, it is possible for a person to master masterbate without porn at all.

        If it’s like giving yourself a backstretch I don’t see what the problem is. No one would say a backstretch is wrong. Somehow we’ve turned basic stimulation into something evil. I can see if a person has an addiction and is uncontrolled about it. But past that????? I’m hard pressed to say it’s so horrible, particularly since most of us Christians are well over 30 and single eith zero prospects.

        I have yet to read anyone who looks at it from this perspective. Everyone immediately says oh no it’s so evil. We know kids do it all the time usually around 3 to 5 without prompting. That is just biological.

        Why is it bad to know how your own body reacts or functions?

        The purpose of sex isn’t just having babies. I think someone gave this as a reason. Um…where did you get that ? There is also no scripture to back that up.

        Just a couple of thoughts. I think addiction is an issue.

        But let’s point out that in the entirety of the biblical levitical law which discusses many different types of sexual practices, master masterbation is not listed as one at all. It very easily could have been, you can’t tell me people back then never did it.

        To me its truely gray space. If you aren’t addicted or looking at porn to get aroused in order to do it, then who cares???.

    31. Favour on

      Thank you so much ma , I really appreciate this post , first of all for sharing your own personal expfaverience it encourages me a lot knowing that someone as passed through what am struggling with. And the counsel you gave are really powerful and insightful , thank you so much ma ( Kristen Clark ) ,

      Reply
    32. womanofgod88 on

      Hi. I’m 29 years old and I have been saved for about 9 years. I haven’t had sexual intercourse for about the same amount of years. I have made other mistakes outside of that and still have my struggles from time to time and have sincerely repented of it. God created sex for a reason. I think of it as a form of worship from the Lord between a man and a woman when they get married. It’s glorifying him and not your flesh when it’s in a marriage. When you have it outside of marriage it brings no glory or honor to him just your own sinful and selfish desire to do things your way. There is nothing wrong with having that desire. God gave it to us for a reason. It’s a matter of what we do with those desires he gave us that will still respect ourselves and God and still give him glory in and through that. Self control is important in a marriage. If you can’t manage yes if you are in the position to get married, meaning you are taking those steps are in the process of marrying someone and you are struggling and you and God are on one accord with this choice… by all means get married. It is better to marry than burn with lust. That’s what Paul was talking about in the Bible. He didn’t mean get married just to have sex. But if you and your soon to be spouse are struggling it’s better to be safe than to continue to burn with that desire and not continue in sin. God is able to do the supernatural in our ways we view things. We aren’t able .. or we can’t live without.. God is able he understands our needs. But we are let God be dominion over our sexual desires so he can carry us through even during those hard times. God knows our NEEDS. What we TRULY NEED. And if it’s in alignment with his will he will make it happen in his timing. This is including a spouse. God will send the right person in his timing not ours. If it is his will. The one thing I have continue to learn about God is that he knows what’s best for us. And his timing is the always the best timing. He knows and he understands. Peace ✌🏿

      Reply
      • Kamzy on

        Sex is not worship. If sex was worship it would have been a good thing to do in church or in heaven. Nothing that defiles will enter heaven. There are gods that are worshipped with sex but not our God.

        I feel our sexual struggles are personal, each person will have to discover his or her own strength through them. Just as personal as our sexual struggles are, even solutions are personal. There is no universal solution for everyone’s sexual struggles, we all have to learn ourselves through them and find what God wants us to know about ourselves through it all.

        Fight on, feel frustrated, feel ashamed but never give up until you find what that best solution is that works for you. I’m not saying when you find it you shouldn’t share, you should share. There is a lot that other people will learn from your experience.

    33. Eric on

      Anyone who thinks that praying and reading the Bible is the remedy for sexual desire just doesn’t get it. Desire for sexual intimacy is specifically a desire for an embodied intimacy. Praying and Bible reading is contemplation. Sexual activity is embodied action. Totally opposite categories.

      Reading through all these comments is kind of saddening. Something clearly isn’t working if this many people are struggling over this. It just isn’t natural or just to mandate that every unmarried person act like they’re asexual. It all sounds so reasonable when you’re a teenager and you think that you’ll get married in a couple years. When you’re 30 and still aren’t married then it begins to ring hollow. It’s time for the Church to reassess things.

      Reply
      • Kay Bruner on

        Thanks, Eric. I think you’re right: purity culture with its disdain for the body has failed the church in every way. It’s definitely time for new understandings of healthy sexuality.

    34. Ovundah on

      Thank you so much for this article, it was very honest and true. God bless you.

      Reply
    35. Anonymous on

      Excellent question. I really wish i had an answer for that one. But unfortunately the women today are a lot different from the past making love very hard to find for so many of us single guys now.

      Reply
    36. Eric on

      These are my recommended resources for people struggling in this area.

      Whatever–Michael Houellebecq
      The Elementary Particles-Michel Houellebecq
      Platform–Michel Houellebecq
      (All of Houellebecq’s books are great but those are the best places to start)

      Sexual Utopia In Power- F Roger Devlin
      Has Marriage For Love Failed? – Pascal Bruckner

      Reply
    37. Banzai on

      Agree with comment above. I’m 36, female, never had sex because growing up in the church taught me to think it was a sin. Yes, I put my career ahead of my personal life and didn’t have much sexual interest until my late 20s. Now there aren’t any Christian men left, nevermind Christian men who are still virgins, or who would be OK with me wanting to wait until marriage.

      I feel I wasted my life and now I’ll be single forever. I have strong sexual desires now. Does a loving God really want me to struggle with this for the rest of my life? Because I’m gonna. I admit I came on here looking for an excuse, looking for someone to tell me it’s OK to sleep with the man who is showing interest in me now. He won’t wait. So I read this, and now feel I must tell him no, and he’ll go away, as they all do. And I remain alone.

      Reply
    38. Tafadzwa Chipuriro on

      That is helpful. If we feed ourselves with the word, keep it in our hearts and posesse wisdom from Jehovah to fight against any temptation, we will achieve a great deal. Consider checking out my website about obedience to the word of God, https://obedience.cw.center
      In whatever we do let’s know that the easiest way to apply for disaster is the refusal to follow instructions. Let us be obedient to the word of God and keep the teachings of Jesus Christ in our hearts.

      Reply
    39. Tafadzwa Chipuriro on

      Firstly, l really appreciate your faithfulness to the Almighty. You are now 36 years old, no sex. That is really a great achievement. May the Almighty bless you for that. So in the Bible Jesus said it is better to lose your right eye which is causing you to sin and inherit the kingdom of God than to live with both eyes and go to hell. Meaning to say if watching erotic movies is causing you to incline to sexual desires drop them. If the person you are dating insist to have sex with you before marriage drop him because it simply means he doesn’t love you, he is just after that spot between your legs. It is better to stay alone than to sin against God. Keep away from the desires of the flesh. You are not a loose woman, don’t allow yourself to be so cheap. Your body is the temple of the Jehovah so keep it holy. This is a battle. You are in the midst of your boyfriend and God. The choice is in your hands. It’s either you will lean to God’s side, “the one who gives you life, the one who will reward you for your good works and the one are living for,” or you lean to your boyfriend, “the one who will destroy your life, the one who will remove you from God’s favour and the one who will just you.” The few minutes you will fornicate with him will destroy your life. The problem with people is we tend to nomalize the arbonormal deviating from the teachings of Jesus Christ and it’s a pity because judgment will certainly strike us. Ecclesiastes 11:9 Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment.

      Chose wisely. Just pray to God to give you the power to throw away any temptation that comes in the way. Cheers to joining Virtue, self control, knowledge, quiet mind and fear of God. I wish you a life of rightousness and serving our Saviour Jesus Christ. Remember the easiest way to apply for disaster is the refusal to follow instructions. Consider reading articles on https://obedience.cw.center

      Reply
    40. Kessy. on

      Tafadzwa Chipuriro you have well said and to my beloved friends in the Lord, there is hope. My rescue to this issue of masturbation started when I began to read God’s Word, Prayed and read other anointed books . I’m a single young guy whose sexual desire is high but I count it as a good thing.This my story for short. I never got to stop masturbating suddenly, but I never gave up studying God’s Word and praying along the line. So don’t think you can stop it all of a sudden,with time the desire reduces and with time it fades away. God’s Word truly liberates along side with prayers consistently. It took me months studying God’s word, (please take note: I fell several times during the process, but I never stopped studying) with time I gained wisdom on how to overcome temptations like masturbation. God’s word gave me wisdom and prayers gave me power to overcome this desire(it is real). That doesn’t mean I don’t have the sexual desire anymore, of course I’m a human being,but when it comes and at that point in time, God’s word is my defence and wisdom becomes my power. For you to overcome this issue of sexual immorality, you must of a necessity FEAR GOD. If you fear God, you will keep His words. In everything I disciplined myself, God’s grace helped me in all. You must choose to discipline yourself with God’s word, if you want to seriously stop this bad habits. I avoided all sexual contents, social media for sometime(a long time), prayed daily to God(this was my prayer;Power to live a righteous life, Might to overcome all trials and temptations, divine strength to sustain me living a righteous life, oh Lord God grant me), never ceased to keep studying God’ word even till now. Our world now is not helping at all, everything about sex and its contents are now being exposed, even to the extent you can personally download nudes. I do not encourage anyone who wishes to stop indulging in sexual immorality to watch porn and its related contents. I must warn you, porn leads to addiction and this addiction trapes you(this is not godly at all). The first thing to do to disengage from all sexual immorality is avoid watching porn. I beg you to stop. I write from my own personal experience. It’s been long now I masturbated and I’m telling you the ways I took to do that. So hate porns. Secondly I disconnected from friends who engaged in such acts, they won’t help you make progress. So change your environment by changing your friends. I got a wisdom from God, this is the wisdom, “it is a good thing to stay alone seeking God, than to mingle with bad friends and seek God, it will lead to nowhere” and another wisdom I got is “it is a better thing to keep good company and seek God. When you are down, they will lift you up”. So I acted on that. At that stage, before that time I use to masturbate every two days( 3 or 4 days in a week) and going about 2 to 3 times a day but it dropped to two days in a week( just for one time). I never stopped it suddenly, but there was a change along the process. Don’t hate yourself for this. You might feel guilty that’s okay. But don’t stop trying. I never settled for that 2 days still. I pressed on reading more of God’s word, I was also strengthed by reading other anointed spiritual books written by proven men of God. I read until I got to a point where I never masturbated again, anytime, anyday. I wish I could share that knowledge here but private conversation would have been better. There’s so much to know, so much to learn. Self control must be daily applied and above everything else, every battle starts from the mind. Your mind is your battlefield. With much Knowledge of God’s word, self control, discipline, prayers, you will win. My own weakness turned out to be my own testimony to strengthen others facing this. To all that has prayed to God for this to stop, God has not forsaken you. The love of God surpasses even the worst thing we can do. Don’t ever feel God has forgotten you. This is for those that are addicted to pornography, stop watching it. Stop. How best can I write this? It is a trap from the devil I must say. Stop, by all means stop. If you have to masturbate without it, do it. Learn to masturbate without it. But don’t stop there. Just as I have written from the beginning, you can’t stop it once, it takes time. So follow what I have written so far. Devote yourself to God and read books, seriously read books and greatly pray. To those that are not addicted, just stop looking at any sexual content that will arouse your sexual desire. Allow God’s wisdom to lead you and His power to sustain you. Read books and pray so much. Don’t stop praying, don’t stop studying, untill you are free from this, don’t stop. Remember do not think masturbation, replace it with the thoughts of God’s word. God Almighty our Father of great love and mercy see us through and by His Grace keep us and sustain us. Amen

      Reply
    41. Mike on

      It so very difficult as it is for many of us single guys just to get a date, let alone having a steady girlfriend these days. Many women have their very high unrealistic expectations and standards now, unlike the past when women back then were the very complete opposite of today which made love very easy to find back then.

      Reply
      • Eric on

        Read the book Sexual Utopia In Power by F Roger Devlin and the book Whatever by Michel Houellebecq.

        Things are worse than you think.

        It’s incredibly difficult to get married nowadays. So what are unmarried people supposed to do? Are we supposed to go against nature for decades past sexual maturity?

    42. Bill Schwan on

      I have been married for more than three decades and for all that time e I have seen the expression singles need to find a healthy way to express their sexuality. Maybe I’m missing something, but what are those ways? No one ever goes the next step and says what they are. I am familiar with one way as I Am sure most singles feel there is one way to express that part of themselves. Before I got married that was the only way I ever imagined that could be expressed in a healthy way. So what are these ways that no one seems willing to explain?

      Reply
      • DG on

        I’m a 33 year old woman, never dated, and currently still single. I have struggled with masturbation since I was a teenager. After I talked to my mom about it and we prayed, I didn’t struggled so much for many years. But recently, the past couple years I have faced defeat after defeat. When I research biblical answers from teachers like Focused on the Family, I get mixed opinions. Of course, it’s something my flesh desires so I am constantly looking for loop holes although I know it’s wrong. I am tired of guilt and shame and violating God’s design. I’m at a loss…I don’t know what to do. I could really use a good mentor and accountability partner but one has been really hard to find.

      • Moriah Bowman on

        Hi DG,

        Are you plugged into a church? I have found that it can be difficult to find a mentor if I am not actively part of a church. Many churches even have ministries devoted specifically to this!

        I will be praying that you are able to find a mentor or ally soon. Do not give up!
        Blessings,
        Moriah

    43. Simon maloba on

      Thanks so much your words have help me to make wise decision!

      Reply
    44. Matthew S. on

      This article has really helped me, now I’m calmer about it, just a little help or advice too, when you pray to God to deliver you, be intentional that you want to drop it, after crying for mercy, rebuke the spirit involved by name, eg; I rebuke you spirit of masturbation in Jesus name. This is what I did after one masturbation bout with holy anger I REBUKED IT that was the last day it troubled me, do same for porn, fantasies etc God bless you, you’ll will overcome, it also have faith

      Reply
    45. Ck on

      Thanks for the article. Let’s continue to fight this urge as we honor God . God knows everything and he’s aware of the struggle we going through but he has given us the will to choose. Let’s all remember there’s a price to pay for either abstaining from sex till marriage or give in to sexual fornication. There are consequences attached to either choices also. So we’ve got to choose one and stick to it . Imagine yourself abstaining from sex till marriage,how will it feel like – no guilt, no worries , you don’t lose your relationship with God -its feels great right and more importantly the blessing that await us .

      I want us to think about this for a minute. What would’ve been Joseph’s destiny if he had slept with portifer’s wife – I guess we’ll know the answer. Joseph wouldn’t become a prime minister and fulfill his purpose.
      Was God aware of his sexual desires . Yes he was .
      At the end Joseph got what he wanted.

      This story is not different from what we facing today .

      So before you give in as a man or woman ,think of what you will lose.

      Today people have gone into wrong marriages because of this desire . Children have become fatherless or motherless because of this desire.

      Let’s press on guys. The reward ahead of us is greater than the immediate pleasure.

      Reply
      • Racheal on

        Very precise and true.God bless you.
        My life story is kinda complicated but reading your comment is encouraging.

    46. Jjj on

      Go to a Christian dating app u might find one

      Reply
      • Jenny on

        Christian dating apps are full of pagans. I went on one and immediately was solicited for sex

    47. Jen on

      Hi Kristen,

      I love how you actually fought your desire to do what was against God’s will for you, but I also tend to have negative opinions about this post. I just dislike how it was made out to be like a tough time for you being single for a mere 24 years, while there’s people who are in their mid 30s who are still single. I think we should be striving toward using single time as God honoring time which preps for relational years and having that extra time is good during those years but only if it’s used to serve God. Just some thoughts on the post. Only my opinion on it.

      Reply

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