There are many practical things to keep in mind when trying to break free from porn. Here are six:
1. Educate Yourself
You need to educate yourself about all the things porn is robbing from your life, the way it’s negatively impacting your brain, your body, and your relationships—even your most cherished relationships.
2. Clean House and Set Up Boundaries
You need to make sure you clean house and set barriers between yourself and access to porn. That might mean getting an Internet filter, taking a different route home from work, or even locking down your phone so you can’t access the Internet from it.
Now you’re probably going to be tempted to leave some doors open because you don’t think they’ll be a big deal. Don’t do this. Remember this mantra: “When you’re are at your best, plan for your worst.” Right now, if you have resolve to avoid porn, remember, a day will likely come when you don’t have that resolve, so making sure you have built-in protections now is key.
3. Set Small, Measurable Goals
Don’t make promises like, “I’ll never watch porn again.” Start with, “Today, I will not watch porn.” You need to stop thinking about sexual freedom as a destination and start thinking about it as a daily—sometimes hourly—choice.
4. Write Down Your Exit Strategies
Write down the places and situations where you’re most tempted and then write down how you plan to flee from those situations in that moment. In the words of St. Josemaria Escriva, “Don’t be such a coward as to be ‘brave.’ Flee!” And when you write these exit strategies down, be specific.
5. Do a Sexual Fast
Fasting involves abstaining from a good thing for a period of time. If you’re married, then talk this idea over with your spouse. Remember, from a clinical perspective, a porn addict is hooked on the neurochemicals released in his or her brain during the pornographic encounter. This powerful neuro-cocktail of dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, vasopressin, endorphins, and serotonin is responsible for the physical aspects of porn addiction. Many addiction therapists recommend letting these neuro-circuits rest for 6-8 weeks.
Now, sexual fasting can also have a powerful positive effect in your marriage since it will enable you to be creative in ways you show love to your spouse. It’ll also show him or her that you view her as a person to be loved, not an object to be used. If you do this, I recommend talking it over with a counselor first.
6. Write Down Positive Motivations
There must be some reason you want to stop looking at porn. What are those reasons? Write down a vision statement that says, “This is the kind of man or woman I long to become,” and then write down character traits and virtues that you want to have, things you know porn is robbing from you. Write it down and read it aloud to yourself every day. When you are tempted, pull it out of a pocket and read it again. Remind yourself of the person you want to be.
These are just a taste of the practical steps we can take. Learn more in the free book, The Porn Circuit.
SAINT Josemaria Escriva de Balaguer? The coarse-mouthed founder of the cult-like Opus Dei? Dude, when Paul wrote, “All the saints salute you”, do you think he was relaying the sympathies of “canonized” (Eh?
Qu’est-ce que c’est?) individuals to the church at Corinth?
Luke, you should know better. We need not wink at ecumenism in order to broad-brush the message of freedom from porn.
Hey Xavier. I didn’t write this one. It was written by Matt Fradd, one of our Catholic contributors.
I’m personally not a fan of calling a particular person a Saint, say, over other Christians. On occasion I might do this for certain canonized saints of antiquity—St. Augustine, for example—to distinguish him from other historical Augustines, but only because this is a title for which he has become known to others. All Christians are indeed saints, and I believe Catholic dogma acknowledges this, though I wholeheartedly disagree with the process and purpose of canonization.
As for Josemaria Escriva, most of the opponents of Opus Dei I’ve read have been more of the liberation theology sort—and I’ve never been much a fan of liberation theology. That said, perhaps a closer look at Opus Dei is warranted when I have some time. I’m not sure popular conceptions of Opus Dei are at all founded in the intentions or thoughts of Escriva himself, but I could be wrong about that.
Oops! My faux pas, Luke, and a thousand apologies. (Guess I’ve grown used to your ubiquity on this site but still, there’s no excuse for my bearing false witness against you. Again, I sincerely apologize.) And could you please pass the tenderizer? This crow looks awful tough as is.
Luke, I really appreciate your work with Covenant Eyes, but the ecumenism I’ve seen on this site concerns me. Yes, I understand that Roman Catholics have some good things to say on this topic, but should we really be joining hands with Rome?
” Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God…” (2 Cor. 6:14-16, NASB).
Just something to think and pray about! God bless.
What if you wife will not consent to the Sexual Fasting?? I had a counselor recommend a 30 day period of abstinence and she refused. No way she goes for 6 – 8 weeks.
I think it would be important for you to show her in other ways besides sex that you’re committed to her. The recommendation for a sexual fast sounds pretty extreme, especially for a woman who may feel like she’s in competition to retain her husband’s interest. She may feel completely unsafe in the relationship without the sexual contact. I would suggest that you invest yourself in the relationship in lots of other ways: conversation, spending time together, small gifts, cards, notes, texts–things that will help her know that you ARE committed to her, you ARE investing, you ARE thinking of her, even if the sexual fast is an important recovery tool for you. The truth is, you’re going to need to do a lot of work on the relationship, outside of just quitting porn. You might as well get started, and maybe she’ll feel safe enough for the sexual fast then, too. Blessings, Kay
Felix – liberty careris with it the responsibility to do what is right. If we profess to be Catholics then we are bound by the Church’s Magisterium and Moral teaching which paradoxically set’s us free, and does not enslave us, something ‘the world’ has great difficulty in understanding.I would ask you to consider very carefully just which of these ‘certain restrictions’ you would agree with and how they would apply to your set of preferred political doctrines. Now multiply this by 100,000’s of individuals and the Church’s Teaching takes on a different meaning and set of values for everyone. Liberty can be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, often resulting in CONFUSION, exactly what the devil wants and the situation we are in today.God Bless.
Everyone’s in here screaming about Catholicism and I’m just like, “I wanna learn more about not-porn”
Good video, and good point. Thank you!
Amen!
This is a great course to overcoming porn. May I ask what peoples exit strategies are. I have written down a few like going to bed earlier as I am usually tempted at night time. Or turning my phone off at night. But I would be keen to hear what other people have as exit strategies
Never be alone!
When I’m home by myself on my day off and my wife is at work, and I’m tempted, I get out of the house and go have breakfast or go for a walk.
I agree with “never be alone.”
Stick to a bed time.
Treat insomnia with scripture reading or recorded sermon.
Turn off phone before bedtime.
Treat temptation with worship music and prayer.
Treat failure with a time of sincere grief and education about the harmful effects of porn and relationship to the human trafficking industry.
Read bible, meditate, pray, journal daily.
I’m already fasting. LOL, and I’m afraid I will be fasting for a long time. I started reading for an exit or go outside. I’m soaking up this great information, and am surprised by temptation and triggers that I never noticed before. Everyone’s comments are helpful. Thanks
Mt exit strategy is to build on the support and accountability of wifey. When she leave at night, she’ll take my phone with her so I’m not tempted to stray.
O, and sleeping early is great. Late nights alone are a no no!
Thanks
If alone time is unavoidable, especially for long periods of time (like you or your spouse is out of town for a week), tell someone you trust ahead of time that you’ll be alone and ask them to ask how you did. At the very least ask at the end of your time alone, but even better is multiple check-ins, even daily if needed.