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Adultery of the Heart: How God Rescued Me from Porn Addiction

Last Updated: September 25, 2017

Guest Author

Want to write for the Covenant Eyes blog? Share the story of your journey to freedom from pornography. Let us know how you overcame porn or how Covenant Eyes has made a difference in your life or the lives of those you love.

As a man who suffered with Internet pornography, I cannot look the other way anymore and deny the fact of how easy it is to type a simple word in a search engine and get lured into a world of destruction.

At the age of eight years old, and as a victim of sexual abuse, I was introduced to pornography. This introduction led my childlike imagination of being a army hero or fighting crime as a great detective into twisted realm of sexual lusts and diverse temptations. Then the worst thing happened: the World Wide Web was created and every dark lust of my thoughts was being fulfilled there.

adultery of the heart

Throughout my teenage years, feeling the guilt of what I was doing and believing that everything that happened to me was my fault, I began to use drugs, alcohol, and pornography as a release from the insanity. Even when I could not afford the Jack Daniels and cocaine or any other drug-alcohol mix my mind could think of, pornography was always free and it was always there. I could not run from it.

The pornographic mindset expands much further than the computer. It is also meeting people with the same twisted mindsets. The views I had for women, marriage, and the bed God created for us was totally and utterly ruined. I thought of women as sexual objects. If a girlfriend did not want to have sex with me, then they did not love me. All of this destructive behavior cost me my faith, my life, my mind, and my heart.

I wish I would have talked to my parents about everything—the abuse, the porn, everything. Maybe everything could have been different.

(I praise God I have forgiven my offender and the victims of my lust have forgiven me. It was only through Christ this happened. He has been breaking the chains of destruction for three years now, and I no longer hate God. I embrace Him.)

Will Marriage Fix Me?

By the age of 21 I had lost literally everything, even though the mask I wore did not show it. Drug use and pornography became an everyday occurrence, and I began feeling completely numb physically and emotionally. Finally a miraculous door was opened and I met my wonderful wife. God started to introduce true love back into my life. I believed my wife and children were God’s door to victory over my destruction.

For seven years, until the day I was saved, the lustful spirit lived with us, and I trampled all over the sacred bond God had supplied to me. Not knowing what was missing in our marriage, my wife and I fell into watching pornography together. This act of desperation to keep our marriage bed aflame actually destroyed everything pure and right in our time together. Pornography and the lies were overwhelming for my wife. She felt as if she could not satisfy my needs. Worst of all, she felt as if I was cheating on her with another woman every time the Internet history was deleted or there was a feeling I was hiding something.

Related: Should porn be used to spice up the bedroom? 

I finally came to the conclusion that she was completely right, and I was saved by grace. The Bible says in Matthew 5:28, “But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” This verse speaks to me every time I feel tempted. This verse is very important for someone in the midst of temptation. I can be tempted just being in the bra isle of the convenient store with my wife. But each time I remember this verse, the temptation has fled from me.

It is so amazing to be free, and it is so important to me being a father of three beautiful little girls. When I imagine the feeling I would have if I found out men were looking at one of my girls like that, I feel like I could vomit.

Discovering True Love

Since I found faith,  I have learned so much about what love actually is. I have been taught so much about true sacrifice and how to love everyone as brothers and sisters. My faith has taught me how to look at women, and more importantly, my wife—how she is God’s gift to me. I learned how to truly love my kids and show them true grace, to show them what a good father should look like, and most of all, to show them the courage to stand up for what is right.

I will not allow pornography to plague my household anymore, and I encourage everyone, everywhere to take a stand against pornography in our homes. I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it would have been if one of my little girls would have caught me looking at this poison, only to spread the disease into their minds and hearts. Having these thoughts in your mind and accepting these provocative behaviors puts a mark not only on you but your entire family and starts the path of destruction.

Related: How to Quit Porn–6 Essential Steps

I urge everyone that is reading this to look at your own household and ask yourselves what type of pleasures are you allowing that may not need to be there. Look at what in your life is taking over your thoughts, your mind, your heart. There are so many of us in the world now that have been hurt or that have been down roads we do not want to bring back up. But we do not have to deal with them alone and there are means that can help us walk through our struggles and find true victory.


Scott Woodard is a Covenant Eyes employee.

  • Comments on: Adultery of the Heart: How God Rescued Me from Porn Addiction
    1. Dave Brown on

      Thanks to Luke, Sam, and the whole Covenant Eyes team (and, guest bloggers!) These articles are tremendous. They are helpful to me personally and professionally as a counselor who seeks to shepherd others in the Lord’s way. God bless you all. Dave

      Reply
    2. Emma Joy on

      Thank you so much for sharing your heart and history through this post. People need to hear that after a porn addiction and sexual abuse, there is healing, restoration, and freedom through the Gospel and the Lord’s continued work on our hearts after we have accepted His salvation.

      Please check out my blog which has articles and sermon notes on a variety of topics including: “About Masturbation”, “About Pornography”, “Self-Injury”, “Self Esteem”, “God’s word”, “Is Jesus the Only Way?”, “Purity”, “Homosexuality”, and “Quotes.”

      http://babypinkroses.blogspot.com/

      Emma Joy

      Reply
    3. Ladyjeni on

      My husband was a famous adult actor. Faith helped him to walk away, survive exploitation and to have a normal fulfilling life and marriage. Leaps of faith can save.

      Reply
    4. Janique on

      I can relate so much to your story. I was abused as a child starting at age 4. And lured into the cyber world.

      Reply
    5. Matt Sommers on

      Your story is amazingly similar to mine. While I didn’t get into drugs, it was about 8 years that our marriage suffered from the effects of the addiction that I brought in. At one point my wife and I also watched porn together too. But God got a hold of her first in this area. Once I was set free it was a total of about 20 years that I battled the addiction, starting way back before we had online access to the junk. I like how you pointed out how the temptation leaves immediately when you think of that verse about lusting after a woman. For me, when I realize I’m being tempted, in my mind (and sometimes literally!) I look up to God and say ‘Father, I’m being tempted again!’ Some days I think I’ve done it more than a hundred times! But it works!!! I’ve been made so keenly aware of the verse that says there’s a way of escape with EVERY temptation. Our enemy satan will do everything he can to try to bring us back into bondage once we’re set free. If one thinks he’s tempted when Saran has a stronghold, just wait until God sets him free. The devil will do all he can to try to bring you back into bondage. But oh HALLELUJAH!!! Victory in Jesus is so sweet!! You don’t have to live in defeat any more! Just in recent weeks God has given me victory over snuff tobacco too. I never knew there was so many snuff advertisements out there! It seems everywhere I look there’s another advertisement or a certain kind is on sale. But thanks be to our loving Father… I’M FREE!! If anyone is reading this and wants to be free from whatever addiction you may have, God can set you free! He’s done it in multiple areas in my life. Just look to Him and tell Him that you’re being tempted. Give it to Him. Let Him fight for you. God bless!!

      Reply

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