Are you having difficulty forgiving a repentant husband?
Do you feel like it’s just too much to receive him back into your heart, your home, your trust?
You are not alone.
I’ve always wondered about one particular verse in the well-known “by faith” chapter, Hebrews 11. You’ll notice it in verse 35. In the midst of ferocious battles, tortures, and deaths – the evidence of the early Christians’ unwavering faith – we read this statement: “Women received back their dead by resurrection.”
This verse transitions the reader from positive “go-get-’em” faith examples (quenching fire, being mighty in war, etc.) into heart-wrenching “hold your loved-ones closer” faith examples (being tortured, mocked, flogged, etc.) with no indication about how we should categorize this supernatural strictly-female experience of faith. So, I’ve wondered, is “Women received back their dead by resurrection” a good and victorious thing or a difficult and submissive thing? Is it considered one of the things we do “by faith”?
Most of my life, I’ve assumed that, naturally, receiving back the dead is a good thing. I mean, wow: by faith, women could hold their fatally wounded husbands and pray life back into them! Women could run to the sides of their dead martyred sons and watch as they sputtered back into breathing again, opened their eyes, and lived for one-hundred-and-thirty more years! Who wouldn’t embrace that? Show me a woman who would hesitate to receive back her Dead!
On second thought, I’ll show you a woman: Martha. Her story is found in Luke 11. We meet up with her when she is mourning the death of her brother, Lazarus. This is her “Dead” that Hebrews 11:35 speaks of.
You might know the story of Lazarus’ resurrection quite well. Do you remember that while Lazarus rotted away in the tomb, Jesus told Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life.” He even asked her if she believed him and she answered with a confident, “Yes!”
And yet, when Jesus requested to come face-to-face with her dead brother, she balked.
“Take away the stone,” he said.
“Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” she protested.
Martha didn’t want Jesus getting too close to her Dead. And in this, she reveals her true beliefs: this Dead is too repulsive, too final for the Lord’s resurrecting power.
So, Jesus reminds her that if she chooses to change her beliefs, she will “see the glory of God.” The rest is history: The stone is rolled away. Lazarus is resurrected. Jesus tells them to “Unbind him, and let him go.”
In light of this and my own experiences, I’ve been reading Hebrews 11:35 a bit differently these days. Although I still believe that many women received back their Dead with joyful gratitude, I now know that others received back their Dead simply by faith. Surely, the joy came later, but in the moment of that resurrection, I have no doubt that some opened their arms and hearts simply because the Lord asked them to. The reward in both cases was great: they saw the glory of God.
We’re no different. Sometimes it is difficult to receive back our Dead, and it is only by faith that we do so. Sometimes we don’t want to take the Lord near our Dead because it is repulsive; besides, we’d rather mourn over the finality of death than entertain the possibility of resurrection.
As we respond to the onslaught of sexual betrayal, we are faced with this test of our faith: are we willing to bring the Lord face-to-face with our Dead? Are we willing to tell Him our grievances over our husband’s actions and thoughts; to let Him look at our anger, bitterness, and resentment; to smell the sin that has been burning in our own hearts as well as in our husband’s? Are we willing to trust Him with our husband’s correction and discipline, instead of controlling it ourselves? Are we willing to believe that Jesus Christ will surely resurrect all of the things that are now Dead? All He asks is that we move one stony heart aside so that He can speak to it.
Sometimes it seems easier to let something die instead of to risk the personal investment in hoping for resurrection. And yet, if Jesus has asked for you to roll the stone away from your Dead so that He can be your resurrection and your life, I encourage you to do it, by faith. Stop protesting, stop fearing. Believe in Him. You will see the glory of God.
Then, when your husband comes to you with genuine repentance, receive him, unbind him, and let him go.
Thank you for your post Laura. You were an answer to the unspoken prayer of my heart today.
It’s still sinking in. Please pray for me.
I am still trying to let it sink in also. I struggle with the idea that this will be the fourth time to forgive listening to the same excuses.
Worse than that, he doesn’t quite believe in Jesus and doesn’t quite believe this is a demon.
To me that spells this will never ever stop.
My heart is so heavy. A wonderful marriage otherwise perfect faced with this.
Thank you for your advice.
My experience is that forgiveness is not a one-time thing… I’ve forgiven my husband over & over… not always for the same thing – because I realize that often I’m “holding back” on a part of it… like I forgive him for committing adultery against me – but later I had to forgive him for looking at pornography, and later forgive him for lusting after someone else, and later for hurting my feelings, and… and…
At some point I realized all those “little” things were the little parts of the whole of sin… while I strive to be like Jesus – I’m so not! Jesus did it once for all – He forgave me for SIN once with His death and resurrection. I keep coming back with forgive me for my pride, forgive me for cheating on the bus fare, forgive me for my bitterness toward so-and-so, etc… He must just laugh and smile and say – I forgave you once for all… but He knows I feel better when I get the “little” things out there.
Because of this, I know I feel better, and my husband feels better, when I keep on forgiving for the “little” things (what’s the verse: 70 x 7??!!). It’s a process that’s part of the journey…
Ok, where shall I begin. I have been faced with forgiving 3 times. I feel I have never done a great job with this undertaking. The Jesus that lives within me wants to do just as I should and forgive. However, the carnal person hurts and harbors resentment. I am a work in progress. I will tell you it is a demon or often a generational curse that is placed upon them. It has got to be broken. The man must accept in his heart that their is a spirit of adultery or lust following him and dealing with him in his private hours. You can forgive. It takes time but through Jesus Christ all things are possible. Please pray and if you have not accepted Christ do so… he will see you through the bad times when no one else can.