About the author, Brad Hambrick

Brad Hambrick is Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church in Durham, North Carolina. Brad also serves as a Council Board member with the Biblical Counseling Coalition and adjunct professor of biblical counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Brad has been married to his wife Sallie since 1999 and has two wonderful boys.​

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Overcome Porn: The 40 Day E-mail Challenge

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Find freedom with Overcome Porn: The 40 Day E-mail Challenge, a step-by-step action plan designed to help put porn behind you forever.

16 thoughts on “19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption

  1. Thanks Brad! Great reminders! All of these issues I have talked about in my secular 12 step group. These are many of the things that drive my addictions and it is good to be reminded because it helps me stay on my toes. When my addictions started we only had magazines and movies. Now we have ciber sex, phone sex, internet chat rooms, porn of all kinds on line. I am also reminded of what we call pursuing positive sobriety. That is not just the don’t but the do of sobriety–like making a gratitude list to avoid bitterness, resentment, anger etc. Thanks again and keep up the good work! Steve

  2. Hey, Brad. I am honored to be able to attend G4, even though I’m not at Summit. Thank you for the blessings that you have provided through these ministries, you and the other men at Summit. I’m glad that you are reaching out through Covenant Eyes, too. I hope you keep it up!

    The beautiful and central message that I received through being at G4 is that if you are focused on your sin as the only or primary battle within itself, you are missing out on the wonderful relationship with Christ that will lead to real victory over all sin. That wasn’t the focus with the pseudo 12-step programs I had been in, where white-knuckling for as long as I could so I could get my next time-proven chip was the constant idol of my heart. Unfortunately, I was too focused on formulaic faith, and not on a relationship.

    Praise God that he has knocked over my house of cards yet again, and is helping me to dig deeper and find my real heart and a desire to trust in Him above all else.

  3. I have experienced many of these, and still do. I had an episode just last night…..I am so disgusted with myself. I have listened to scores of videos on testimonies, strategies, etc… I would love to get into some type of 12 step program, but wished I could do it without actually meeting with a group. Are there such things? I am so tired of these urges overtaking me and feel so helpless. It seems whit each incident, I feel it harder and harder to get a hold of it so I can once again look back a several days of sobriety. I have been contemplating talking with a brother about this so I can get some more accountability, I just can’t get myself to take that first step….it is so embarrassing.

    Thank you for your ministry

    • Hi, “D” – I want to encourage you. That first step seems big, and it is, but I really think you will find the relief of sharing the load with another brother to be one of the best feelings. Live in the light with someone you trust! I just had my connection with my accountability partner this morning. It had more to do with “am I living noble, true, admirably” and just a little to do with “have I looked at porn,” because it’s about the heart and not just the behavior. I truly hope that you’re able to find that kind of connection!

      Peace, Chris
      Covenant Eyes

    • Thanks Chris for the reply…

      Yeah, I have really been thinking of who to get with. It seems to be a choice that is as hard as who to marry. I was just yesterday listening to a fella on a podcast speak of a group “x3group” that actually meets online once a week. The cost averages about $39 a month. This was most exciting to me and, I know this is gonna sound strange, but I actually felt strength within me just by having the knowledge that I could go that route. The meetings, from what I gather, are done via live video and the groups are a maximum of 10 people. I wish I knew they existed a long time ago. There are time slots to meet the individuals schedule and seem to be a legit way for those of us that struggle to get some accountability without having to actually try to get to a physical place.

      Anxiety, sometimes mixed with boredom, is a real biggie for me. For some strange reason, having this new knowledge has taken a huge anxiety load off of me. I feel that my continuing struggle is fueled by the feeling of “where do I go” I have decided to change a few things in hopes of not slipping up as I did and the next time I have an issue, I’m signing up on one of those groups.

      Today is a new day, I’ve confessed to The Lord and have a battle plan.

      Thank you for your ministry guys!

    • Hi, Donnie, I’m so glad to hear that! Finding accountability with others who will listen, not judge, and help carry your burdens is an amazing thing. Praise God!

      Peace, Chris

  4. This exhausts me. As a wife of a porn addict, I can tell you that this list is discouraging. I know it’s true, and I know it’s helpful for those struggling, but it sends me into deep sadness knowing that my husband may never be free of this evil. I hate porn and I am very discouraged knowing that a certain time of year may trigger my husband’s desires and intense temptation. We’ve been struggling this problem for over 10 yrs, he’s been struggling much longer. Sigh.

    • Kristi, I am so, so sorry. My husband struggled with porn for several years, but today he’s doing really well. If your husband has been struggling for 10 years and is still pretty mired in the habits, then I wonder if he is getting the right kind of help? Does he see a CSAT therapist? Is he involved in a group like SA or Pure Desire?

      5 years would be kind of a mental marker for me, and during that 5 years, you should be seeing progress away from the habit and toward a healthy life. Here’s an article about different kinds of patterns you might see over the course of time, and how you might respond.

      I hope that you’re getting support just for YOU in all of this? Very often, women in this situation will meet the criteria for PTSD, and many times I find that women receive almost no support for the trauma they suffer. Find a counselor just for YOU. Find a group just for YOU. Check out the online resource, Bloom.

      Most of all, consider what healthy boundaries need to look like for you in this situation.

      Peace to you, Kay

    • I had to walk away from my boyfriend after 2 years it literally sucked the life out of me!! It was hard to do but harder to stay ! Im stikl healing but I feel much better now.

  5. Thanks for the 19. They are so true. Reading them helped me to make the choice if sobriety tonight. It helps me to remember and admit who I am.

  6. I am done with my husband porn addition. He choose’s it over me. I can’t remember the last time we was intimate. We have only been married 2 years. I threatened to change the internet password and he got very upset. Even pulled out his pocket knife. I have already spoke with a lawyer. Porn is his wife and I can’t take it anymore

    • Debra, I am so, so sorry. The fact that he pulled a knife on you is absolutely terrifying! I’m glad you’re able to see the reality of what’s happening here, and I’m so thankful you’re able to make healthy choices for yourself. No matter what he chooses, you can choose to be healthy and well. Find a therapist, find a group, check out Bloom–there are great resources for your support and healing. Peace to you, Kay

    • Debra, sorry to hear about your marital issues. Pornography can become very addictive. I lived in that addiction without getting caught for years, and it did eventually kill our intimacy. Unfortunately, each addict must determine for himself (or herself) what is most important in their lives: Jesus Christ, the kingdom of God, and their family relationships, or the fantasy world of pornography and masturbation. It took me hitting rock bottom and realizing how much I had to loose before I finally surrendered to Christ and allowed him to break the chains of my addictions.

  7. Am 17,and I have been into masturbation for 2 years and 6 months. What I do is by rubbing myself on the bed, couch or pillow. I feel like my conscience which pricks me is dying. I feel guilty one moment and try to abstain for some time. Then, next thing I know, I do it again. I can’t talk to anyone because am quite principled in sex-related issues. I can’t fast or pray about it, will God ever forgive me for all the covenants I broke concerning this issue? I feel like giving up. Maybe I’ll just stop one day

    • Hello, Rhonda – I’m sorry that you’re struggling. I’m sure you’re discovering that you just don’t have the strength to fight this on your own! Christ and Community can help. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? In the dark and hiding, it will continue to control you. Don’t give up! Yes, you can fast and pray. God is the Father on the road, waiting with arms wide open every day. Fresh mercy every day! There is no place so dark and deep that the love and light of Jesus don’t dig deeper.

      Peace,
      Chris

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