Ever notice all those “natural male enhancement” or “testosterone supplement” advertisements? They’re nearly everywhere, promising men “a better sex drive,” “improved vitality,” or to “…be the man you used to be.”
Directly and indirectly, they promise better sex.
Well, it got me thinking, why are so many more men suddenly unhappy with their sex lives and looking to products like these for help?
Are the natural effects of aging on sexual functioning and libido suddenly affecting millions more men at much younger ages? It’s hard to imagine human physiology making such a spontaneous and drastic shift.
Maybe it’s that men feel less stigmatized about erectile dysfunction or low libido and are asking for help? Drugs like Viagra helped lower the shame of sexual dysfunction. Maybe this could account for some increase in demand.
As an Internet porn and sex addiction counselor, I treat many men who struggle with issues of sexual dysfunction that’s related to their use of Internet porn. Could it be that a major influence on sexual dysfunction in men has been overlooked?
Internet Pornography Could be Causing More Problems than We Know
Frequent viewing of pornography, especially Internet pornography, over-stimulates and desensitizes the users brain to normally sexually arousing experiences. And if your brain isn’t turned on, then neither is your penis.
In other words, if you’re using a lot of Internet porn, then you’re likely to find sex with your real wife or partner to be less satisfying over time, and as you use more porn, you can expect to have serious problems with sexual dysfunction.
“Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction”
I call it “Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction,” and it’s a problem. Here’s what frequent Internet pornography users can look forward to:
- More stimulation and more intensity is necessary to get aroused
- Can’t keep an erection
- Experience delayed ejaculation
- Sexual intercourse becomes difficult
- Drugs like Viagra lose their effectiveness, and …
- Eventually, they can’t get an erection even with porn
Someone with these problems would be a great customer for supplements and drugs that offer a return to “…the man you used to be” with “improved energy and vitality” and a “better sex drive.”
They seem to offer a “magic pill” that could bring a return to sexual normalcy, but “magic pills” don’t exist for the brain part of this problem, and it’s the brain that turns you on – or not.
It’s the Brain, Not the Penis
“Natural male enhancements,” testosterone supplements, and Viagra-like drugs help primarily with “equipment” related problems. If your sexual problem has to do with the proper physical functioning of your penis, then these might help.
More often though, the problem is rooted in real structural changes to the Internet porn user’s brain, not his penis. Reversing the dysfunction is possible, but it requires stopping the behavior, and getting stopped and staying stopped isn’t as easy as you might think.
When it all goes well, the brain responds to sexual cues, anticipates a positive experience, and the brain floods with arousal. Signals from the brain direct the body to prepare for sex, and as long as there aren’t problems with the sex organ itself, the body responds. No problem.
Related: Does Science Support Porn-Induced ED?
Porn-induced sexual dysfunction begins with changes in the reward and pleasure systems of the brain that simply become overwhelmed by the high intensity arousal of Internet pornography. Our brains just weren’t made to handle Internet porn.
When these reward and pleasure systems of the brain aren’t functioning properly, then the body doesn’t receive enough of the right signals for sex and the result is sexual impotence.
To the brain, every pornography image or video is a new sexual opportunity, and since sexual novelty is instinctually preferred, the brain floods with the promised feel-good hit – for every image or video viewed. That’s a lot of sexual arousal!
Awash with Arousal
All those surges of arousal make for a powerful sexual experience, one that most people will repeat, and that many will repeat often. It’s a heavy load for the brain to carry. In fact it’s so heavy that the brain can’t handle it and begins to “cover its ears.”
The porn user’s brain adapts to these frequent floods of arousal by changing how it “hears” arousal. Much like you might cover your ears if someone screamed at you, the pleasure system of the brain covers its ears and desensitizes to the flood.
Desensitization
The porn user’s brain begins to require more arousal, more intensity, and more stimulation just to feel like it used to feel. Desensitization means that those normally sexually arousing experiences no longer show up on the sexual radar.
Worse still, healthy and intimate sex with a real spouse or partner simply can’t compete. With these changes, the brain requires too much of the feel-good stuff to get even a little aroused.
The only options left for the Internet porn user is to either “porno-fy” his reality (that is, add intensity to make real sex like porn sex) or stick with the crazy novelty of Internet porn. Both options lead to real problems in relationships.
The Final Reality
It’s no surprise then that Internet porn users escalate their use and chase the feeling that eludes them with normal sex with a real and monogamous partner.
Pretty soon the symptoms of porn-induced sexual dysfunction are front and center and the sellers of natural male enhancements, testosterone supplements, and Viagra-like drugs have another potential customer.
Why not try stopping the porn first?
Jeff Schultz, LPC, CSAT is a sex addiction counselor and founder of Sonoran Counseling Services in Phoenix, Arizona. Read more about Jeff’s work at the Sonoran Healing Center, LLC.
I’ve never thought YEARS ago to put PORN and METH/CRACK in the same ‘box’; but, there it is, and many men are getting crazier…this is one of the reasons girls are getting desperate or having the look of desperation on them. It also seems the only hope for many young women is to get an EDUCATION because it may be lots harder or near impossible for her to find a suitable man to live with for 50 years….this should become a public service announcement on CHRISTIAN TELEVISION (in a discreet way of course) but there nonetheless
Oh well. This is the reality we live in unfortunately. I gave up on men today a long time ago. I had two kids via sperm donors and I suggest other women do the same. Men today (not all) have been enabled and it is our job to stop. It is a hard to road no doubt to be a single mom but I’d rather deal with this than a stupefied zombie of a porn addict husband who can only get hard ons watching Porn Hub et al. Sometimes you have got to do the tough love thing. Women need to unit and do it! Think Lysistrata…
I like your way of thinking. ..
Sperm donation goes against the natural order of procreation. I believe in God’s eyes this is a sin like homosexuals doing surrogate pregnancies or egg transplantation.
LL,
It sounds like pornography has impacted your life in a very hurtful way. I too have been hurt and affected by it. I am here to tell you there are honorable men out there as I have married one. The bible tells us that we are to be our husbands “helpmate”. It is our job to hold our husbands accountable but not to write off marriage because of our hurt. Children need fathers. I too understand the hurt of a single mom. Please reconsider your stance and look for healing. I’m available to help if you’d like.
Kudos to your comment. I 100% agree. There’s still good men out there whether they’re addicted or not. I am a woman addict and my husband is one too but I’m getting help for my addiction. I can’t make him get help but he is my husband. He loves God and he loves me.
LL,
I am also sorry that you were hurt, as I too, as a young man, have struggled with a porn addiction–though I grew up in a household raised in the teaching and instruction of our Lord, YHVH.
However, I also move that you reconsider your stance on that general statement made about “all men” “most” or just “men” period. I can get better–and am getting better–and I believe you need to realize that though you’ve been hurt by the average, you need to know that there are above average men (not far and few in between either) who refuse to give up in their pursuit for purity.
Sincerely,
Jason
Wow!this is profound.Actually a lot of people want to get off the porn world but must of them can’t help it that why accountability is vital and thank God for this site,its going a long way.God bless you.lest I forget, there are wonderful men out there.
Love this comment. Very powerful and inspiring for me as a man of God. It gives great hope for women as well. “Above average men”. Woooh! I feel ignited with YHVH’s dunamis power. Thank you Brother.
i too can attest to this stuff, it is accurate. though i think it is important for women to understand that men STRUGGLE with this stuff even when they know it is wrong – and can rationalize it to be harmless because in their mind it is so compartmentalized and not harming anyone… but the effects are real, erections are harder to get and keep and intimacy declines. i am trying covenant eyes because ever other solution i have tried has failed – despite my strongest attempts to stop – and i hate to hurt my partner more than i already have. i pray that God brings us closer and that he uses this information to perhaps reach those who have lost hope… both in man and in our ability to stop watching the garbage which our culture seduces us with EVERYWHERE.
My partner is a porn looker. My love life has never been quite the same since he started looking. He treats me sometimes like the women on the pronography films. The intimacy has gone. I hope he stops.
Hi JB. I’m so sorry to hear that. Have you read anything here that has encouraged you?
The only way is for him to stop. I kept getting more and more crazy in bed and even got to some idea’s which I later thank God I didn’t get to. I won’t even get into what my mind wanted or needed but I knew it was getting to be too much. But talk to him and lay it out. If he could stop for one month he’d see that he doesn’t need or even want that. If he can’t stop then you proved your point to him.
I hear that the women are affected but did they confront their partners? I had this problem and I didn’t know it was even a problem until I went searching the internet “for an answer”. I feel most men like me had found porn and early on found that only porn got them going. For a long time I knew there was something effecting me but I could not find an answer. Getting older? Just with my Wife so long? Stress? I just didn’t look at porn as the problem I looked at it as a release from the problem. I can feel like a man during but not with my wife. So I wonder why the women gave up so fast. Maybe if you talked to them it might of been the answer, and in as little as a month or two away from porn. I wanted nothing more then to be able to feel that way with my Wife. So before you talk to a Lawyer talk to your partner. I love my Wife and now I feel like I did when We first met. Nothing could be better. PS pills did nothing and making me feel further from a man and more desperate
I have been fighting addiction in one form or another for a long time. I have been clean & sober for 7+ years, & 2+ months from smoking. I don’t miss meth or alcohol but smoking and porn; not so easy. I believe that to know the author of addiction is crucial. I cannot begin something by faith and expect that the works of the flesh will accomplish any form of redemption. There are so many images of women that trigger the pleasure centers of my brain. The influence of ED and age of 62 only caused the search for a means to satisfaction. With effort and patience I found one. Covenant Eyes has helped me to better understand the power and death that comes with the tree of the Knowledge of good and evil. Thank you !
My husband has gradually got more&a more addicted to porn.he blames me saying I didn’t give him sex,but the truth is I stopped because of the porn.i hav very low self esteem,which he knows about.all this has done is make the issues with myself worst.im 60 yrs old and finding it hard coping everyday.the women are so gorgeous with perfect bodies.its devastating knowing he watches it.he says he is doing it to wind me up,as we havnt had sex for so long.recently I was so upset I drank much to much,we made love ,then over the course of a week I found on four different nights porn.this last episode has completely destroyed me.i seem to spend half my life crying
So sorry to hear about this, Jan. What your husband is doing is awful. I highly recommend you read some of these articles. They pertain to your situation.
My husband of 14 years has been a porn addict all his life. He’s almost 50. We are on therapist #3. He’s always been impotent, with every woman before me. He was 33 when we met. I didn’t know about the porn until much later, but it all made sense. The fight is, I invaded his privacy & that’s how I found out. Every fight, he says the same thing. But I would’ve found out when he left it up on the computer screen, several times, the postcards he got in the mail. The list of porn star names sitting on his desk. But I always hear it’s my fault for violating his privacy. He also says it’s not cheating, but it is. He compartamentalizes it, but it’s killing our marriage. He says it’s his body, his mind so I have no say. But if porn gives him an erection but I don’t, that’s bad for our marriage. If he never initiates sex with me, that’s a problem. If he only gets an orgasm once a YEAR with me, that’s awful. And every ED drug is not potent enough for a full erection. He lies, omits important details, keeps secrets and that’s awful for our marriage. He manipulates me by saying if I wasn’t abused as a child or if I had better self-esteem I would be OK with porn. But cheating is cheating. He masturbates every day, but doesn’t want sex with me. I never turn him down. I pray this new therapist helps, but he ALWAYS goes back to, I violated his privacy. He’s in such denial. He laminated his porn photos and keeps them in a weird filing system in a locked FIREPROOF safe. He spends hours editing photos and videos to make them suit his needs. He writes stories about it. I have no idea where the money goes. I too have cried for 14 years. I go to SANON which is a support group for people who have sex addicts in their lives. I HIGHLY recommend it, as it’s the only thing keeping me going. I also have a one on one therapist. He finally has his own therapist and goes to SA, which is for sex addicts. I think it’s starting to help. I even left him for a while. He even asked me for a divorce. Everything is a roller coaster. But I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. Other than the porn, we truly have a wonderful marriage, but how stupid is he to lose it all and choose porn over me. By the way, the women in my support group could be models, but their husbands still cheat. It doesn’t matter what you look like. Also, my husband looks at some really ugly women online, and that really hurts me. I’m better than that. I wish all of you struggling out there the best of luck. Please look into SANON sanon.org. For those living with the addicts, I’m fighting with you. You are worth so much more. Get help for yourself. And for those addicts, I commend you for getting help. Remember it’s not worth losing someone you love for something on a screen. You will regret it and be alone. Get help and hold onto for the REAL physical people in you life. Never give up.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. And thanks for sharing those insights: it’s really up to him. His choices. It’s not about how you look or behave. And it’s NOT about you invading his privacy!!! I’m glad you can see those lies for what they are, and it’s great to hear that you’re finding good support at SANON. Blessings in your healing journey, Kay
I nearly had a full on nervous breakdown after I caught my husband. We’ve been together for 25 years and our sex life was amazing and wonderful. I thought I had it all. When he turned 68 he started slowing down and went to the dr who told him he had the onset of ED. He got severely depressed and I begged him to get a second opinion. He declined. As the months went on the viagra didn’t work… I became suspicious . I asked him several times if he was sleeping with someone else. Watching porn, didn’t love me anymore. All negative…. lied over and over he wasn’t into porn. I caught him one afternoon in our dining room just about to watch one of his films… I went insane and think I fainted. This was 3 years ago and lots of therapy. My self esteem tanked, I cried so much my eyes were shut and swollen and I don’t like how I look. I am in great shape for 67… people think I look like 45… but I can’t look at myself. I resent him for ruining our marriage and I think about how he just didn’t give a damn about me . He says he’s sorry but I don’t look at him the same way. I’m not sexually attracted to him any longer. It’s not the same and I’m
Not the same woman anymore…I’m so sorry for any woman hurt like this. The pain is deep…
Also meant to say he dismissed us making love saying it didn’t count,as I was drunk.im at breaking point over this.
Hi. I was also affected by porn addiction. I fell in love with one of my best friends of 6 years. Hopelessly, madly in love. I really felt that he was the man I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with. My brother advised me to ask him (or any other man for that matter) what his stance is on porn. He told me that it’s definitely an issue in his life and that he watches it about twice a month. It broke my heart. When a girl dreams about getting married to someone she loves, you never think in you wildest imagination that porn would be part on the picture, especially if both people are saved.. I hate porn and how it hurts men and women and relationships. It shatters your dreams and your trust in someone.
I am 67 year old minister, who is addicted to pornography for three years. Each time I say these words I feel God is helping overcome my problem. My wife has moved out for await until I get help. This addiction has effected my sex life with my wife. It has effected use of money. This addiction cause from the fear of failure. I was I thinking porno would help my sex life. What a lie.
Hi Bob,
Yes, porn is full of lies. Have you been able to find help for your problem? Counseling? Accountability? Friends to support you?
I thought porn was going to ramp up my sex life too but instead I wound up with and addiction to struggle with and ed, knowledge about this problem is power and I do believe it can be overcome with faith.
I found out my husband has been watching porn for like a couple months straight now, I confronted him about it and he says sorry and wont do it again. But sure enough I find it again in his phone. And lately he hasnt been able to have an erection or perform sex. He’s suggesting on trying some sexual supplements. Im just now finding out that porn can have be one of the reasons that my husband is having ED.
Your husband should definitely be made aware of the detrimental impact of porn on a man’s ability to get aroused. It is no coincidence that the rise of porn online coincides with the rise of ED medications.
I understand the issue you are facing I believe supplements will surely help to alleviate his ED issues. Try googling Baps Store and pickig a box of Plant Vigra or Black Ant Pills and I’m almost certain you both will be grateful.
Hi, I’m 19 years old and I think I have some erection issues :( I don’t get morning wood or seem to get any erections throughout the day anymore. However, I get them sometimes in the shower and when I’m going to sleep at night I can feel one coming sometimes but never during the day :/ I’m still a virgin but I eat very healthy and do lots of sports and exercise and get plenty of sleep. I masturbate only to porn. The last time I used my imagination was about 2 years a go :((( I masturbate about 7 times a week. Recently I read some stuff on the internet and I am currently 7 days without watching porn and masturbating? Is this the right thing to do? I’m going to try and go to weeks without Porn and masturbation but then after that start masturbating maybe 2 times a week maximum but to my imagination only? Is this a good idea? And how long before I can see good results ad get random hard erections again? Thank you :)
Claudio,
Yes, it is a great idea. The fact is, your brain isn’t built for porn. Your sex drive simply can’t physically adapt to the way porn overloads your system. It has become very common today for young men like yourself to have erectile dysfunction from porn.
You might like these articles:
– “Neuroscience Speaks: How Using Porn Destroys Your Willpower”
– “Why Your Resolution to Quit Porn Will Fail Miserably” (written from a Christian perspective)
Hey….You are young,and have a full life ahead of you. .How about pray for Jesus to help you not masturbate at all…that affects you also…
Strongly advise quitting. It is not fair to your future lover to feel like your not excited by her. You’ll be glad you quit.
I won’t to thank everyone for there personal information, it has helped me to realize that my husbands porn problem isn’t my problem & I’m not the one that caused it. I’m very thankful I can read and get help with things I need to do , I REALY won’t to work with my husband and his addiction and I pray I am able to as long as it isn’t going to become abusive and I am able to start feeling like the women I know I am and not the fearful, insecure person , I was lead to be leave. Thank you gyspysun
What a load of old hooey! Sexual Dysfunction has numerous causes, not only overuse of porn. That’s a myopic and somewhat parochial view. Keep this subject far away from the church pulpit, it has no place there.
I think that’s why he calls it “a major influence on sexual dysfunction,” not the only one.
Can women also be addicted to porn and what are the effects with women,am a lady,sometimes I used to masturbate when I was single but now I have a boyfriend and I stopped masturbation,I can even get triple orgasms with my boyfriend,is masturbation also detrimental,I have a very high libido.
Yes, there can be similar effects for women as well.
Betty,its really detrimental,its never a good habit to do..as a christian it removes our purity and chastity..when u become addicted to it it takes only the grace of God and your remorse against it for you to stop it,psychologically it has the same effects like that of men…porn on the other hand also has relation to masturbation,when u look at the impure content your body reacts and you have to masturbate to relief it..porn,like this page says,cause damage to our brain,its detrimental to our brian and as a christian we are not supposed to look at those impure things that makes us indulge in lust and sexual immorality..our body is God’s temple and it must remain Holy because our God is Holy..thank you
Why are you having sex with your boyfriend?
I have a question. After a man becomes insensitive because of overuse of porn, does the addiction come full circle to where he no longer watches it because it then does not arouse him? My husband says he has ED and blames it on “getting old”, but his porn use has always hurt me. He says hes not doing it anymore. Should I believe him and would that be the reason because it doesn’t arouse him now? Of course we have no sex life either.
It is true a man can become desensitized to porn, especially if the porn he now has access to is not as unique, novel, or “hard” has what he saw before. Because addictions escalate, men can start to find “last week’s porn” not as arousing.
Regarding ED, there may be a physical component for him, so I wouldn’t rule that out completely.
As for you and your husband, he may or may not be watching porn still. Without more information, it would be impossible to say for sure.
Sincerely this article has really help me alot, to understand the negative effects of porn to my life, both physically and spiritually. Remain bless
GREAT STUFF. LET’S KEEP SUPPORTING EACHOTHER. Thanks for sharing your stories friends, we are all encouraged.
very useful stories and information. bless you guys.
can you please define what you mean by pornography
Based one the etymology of the word itself and the history of its use, I would say pornography consists of printed or visual materials containing explicit displays of sexual organs or sexual activity—whether real or simulated—using this medium to remove these images and acts from the intimacy of the partners in order to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic sensations. I’m not sure if that is the author’s working definition, but it is mine.
I have a problem where I cant get aroused by porn at all no matter what type I look at. My brain doesn’t seem to like it. But in real life I got aroused by woman and have no problem there, but what when women aren’t around?
What do you mean by “women aren’t around”? Do you date any women?
I must say, there have been days when reading these stories you all have shared have kept me from using porn. So I must thank all who have shared. You have helped me far more then you will ever know. Ive never had the courage to share my own story but I will now in hopes that it will help someone else.
Im 26 years old & ive struggled with sex addiction since I was exposed to it in the 2nd grade. For me this is just part of my reality, I imagine for others to hear such a thing is sad even horrifying. I suppose im fortunate, ive always had a strong, sometimes seemingly ridiculous libido, Ive only had 1 performance issues with a real partner. I grew up in the church but didn’t truly believed at the time, plus the issue of sex or porn never came up so it wasn’t as if I realized that what I was doing was so detrimental to me. Although deep down I think a part of me always knew it was wrong since ive always kept it well hidden. So as most young men do after high school I left it all behind as just foolishness for old people with too many regrets in their lives. But thankfully years later in college my life got to a low point & I started to realize that God is real & that I needed him. Since then God has help me with every addiction ive picked up through my life. Starting at the smallest I can truly say that through each victory I have gained strength. But now im fighting against the worst one, the first one to grip me in its clutches even before I could understand anything in the world or what I was doing. The fights been going on since 2011, at times I feel the Lords presence giving me strength to resist. Unfortunately sometimes I fall, but I thank God for every minute, every hour, every day of resistance. Although ive been able to get rid of my other addictions with only God at my side, im not certain ill be able to do the same with this one. Recently I meet a woman online, & im getting ready to meet her a month or so from now. I dont know if she is the one ill settle down with & marry, but I know if this becomes serious it will be heart breaking when I tell her everything, but I at least want to give her hope when I tell her how long ive been sober. & later in life if I do marry I dont want my wife to have to go through some of the things ive read about. Maybe im just being paranoid or over thinking all this, but I still pray for complete freedom from this.
So glad to hear how the Lord has worked in your life, in spite of any past trauma. The Lord is good.
I just read a story of someone very similar to me. I’m 26. I was exposed to pornographic images on the playground in the 3rd grade. I have had other addictions that I’m getting help with. My Higher Power works through perfect strangers like you all. He’s taught me that the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. Websites like this help me to understand I’m not alone in this fight. I’ve signed up for emails and I’ve been reading them instead masturbating and looking at porn. I keep praying for God to take my will and my life and He’s guided me to programs of honesty, willingness and support groups. 12 Step programs have helped me to with alcoholism and drug addiction and I’ve reached out to my local SA group and I’ll be attending my first meeting this Saturday. Whatever you do don’t stop tryings to quit even when you slip because recovery is possible but you’re chances are slim when trying to do it alone. This can such a shameful subject its hard to share so find a group who’s knows the struggle. God bless all who share the struggle.
I’m on 40 m grams of paxil, I wondering if that slows
progress down
praise God for all who share their struggle – im a first time reader – the LORD directed me to your website
Hello everyone. I must say this page is THE most helpful thing to my porn addiction. I’ve never had anyone to share my story with, but knowing that there are people here who read and understand me, I’m feeling so excited and hopeful. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m around people who know what I’m really going through. I shall start my journey by sharing my story with you:
I’ve had fetish desires since I was 7. I had no understanding of sexual desire, but I liked women tied up or wearing spandex. After puberty, I realized what I was feeling was sexual. At first I thought I was crazy, but unfortunately I ran across internet porn in high school and realized that my fetishes are shared by so many around the world. one thing led to another and i began sinking deeper and deeper into the world of porn. I consider myself a religious person, at least that’s what I want to be. I remember that the first time I masturbated (the ejaculation was unintentional) I cried through the night and apologized to the Lord. But with every occurrence it became more and more normal. I got married when i was 24, partly because i hoped to find a real sexual life and save myself from porn. But I was wrong. My wife is lovely, but nothing seemed to have replaced the joy of porn and masturbation. I told my wife about the problem and she seemed ok with it, though later i found out she was only pretending to be fine in order to keep me happy. I repeatedly promised her to quit but failed. This is my current situation: I’m 32, still happily married, and have a cute little daughter. About a year ago (perhaps when I felt the responsibility of being a father) my desire for porn decreased significantly, but so did my desire for sex. Since then, I’ve had many issues with porn and masturbation (though I’ve kept it from my wife, because she believes I’m cured) sometimes out of despair for losing my libido. I’ve tried to rationalize looking at porn by tell myself that it can help me get aroused to have sex with my wife. Today i truly questioned that opinion and searched the web to learn how helpful it can be, and that’s how I found this page. Thank you for making me realize that porn does nothing but harm. I feel terrible. I know that my wife (she’s 26) craves for sex a lot more often than she admits, and it kills me that I keep disappointing the love of my life. I’d do anything for her. We HAVE had sex about once a month recently, and it has been enjoyable for me once the foreplay began, but last time something happened that terrified me. Though I was completely aroused and foreplay was well performed and i was totally ready for the final stage, I would not ejaculate no matter how long I tried, and in the end, I managed only by closing my eyes and picturing some of my favorite scenes of porn. I’m desperate to find a solution. Can putting porn aside and persevering really help me become the way I was? I shall stay connected with this place. After the Lord’s help, this seems like my best chance.
Thank you for taking time reading my story. Please advise me on methods of staying up to date with this website and the people.
Thank you for sharing ….I’m encouraged to share my story too….I’ve always imagined myself having sex since I was kid which gave me the curiosity to watch sex related activities ……I started watching the porn movies then when I turned 16 I met one guy and who I broke my virginity to we started having regular sex and he like porn too then I got myself pregnant and agreed with him to have an abortion and it was successful but since then I’ve lived with this guilt ….so I went back to God and I stopped porn and masturbation and any sex related activity until I went to college where I slept with one guy since then I went back to watching porn I could watch and masturbate but after that start feeling bad then would stay for day or weeks without doing so then go back ….I’m still struggling and hope God will heal me completely
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My heart is completely broken. My husband from a 20 yr marriage and 3 children moved into a 1 bedroom apartment, choosing masturbating to porn over his family. My boys cannot even spend the night there comfortably with all hardwood floors. We fought our entire marriage over whether or not he was viewing porn. He would start fights with me to get me to leave the house. He would view it in front of our 9 yr old daughter whom he thought was asleep on the couch or floor. He always claimed they were popups. We moved across the US and 6 weeks later he began an affair. I moved but eventually got him back. 3 yrs later, despair picks back up again. Are there good men out there for women who stay faithful, even to a cheater?
I’m so sorry. I think there ARE good men out there, for sure. The thing is, though, that we can’t control the choices of others. No matter how good we are, how faithful, our spouses always have free will. In a situation like this, I think your best option is to work on your own healing. Find a personal counselor who can help you process your emotions and work on healthy boundaries. Get into a support group where you can find companions on the journey. Make sure that whatever your husband chooses, YOU choose to be healthy and well. Blessings, Kay
Thank you all for making it known that it is really harmful because I have been thinking how come that I can’t keep it up when am about to . I am going to work on your advice and pray that the LORD should restore my sexual health 100 fold. May GOD help all of us in this struggle. Occasionally It happens to me though and only one girl has never experienced such with me. Am always aroused anytime am with her. That got me totally confused. How come it doesn’t happen that way when am with others. Once again thank you for sharing your experiences. Pls u can up date me in my box.
Erectile Dysfunction has always had two causes, medical and relational. ED is related to heart problems, prostate problems, and diabetes. If not a medical problem, it is a relational problem. So you need to ask, does the relational problem (self-seeking, false intimacy, etc.) create the porn problem, or does the porn problem create the relational problem. Having counseled 1000s of couples from across the U.S., sexual dysfunction is extremely common. For the cause, you have to assess the relationship. Ninety-eight percent of couples I’ve seen in counseling, the wife has lost sexual interest and reports “feeling like a sexual object.” “Sexual addiction,” is a deep rooted relational problem. The choice isn’t porn, prostitutes, the choice is self first. Self before others, self before God.
Relationally, iminished masculinity and hardened femininity, exists is every marriage where there is sexual sin. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Porn doesn’t start the problem, the relational problem(it is all about me, what I want) begins the porn problem. Yes, I know, average age is eleven, but relational issues are already being formed. This is first a heart problem! Not a chemical problem. Sin has never been, and never will be a brain problem!! Sin may change the brain, but only a change of heart addresses the root relational problem, from a biblical perspective.
Dear Dr Harry, I just discovered a month ago that my husband for four years is a porn addict since he was 14 years old! He never confessed but we were both virgins when we got married,we love each other and he finds me beautiful but he can’t be turned on by me,for the whole four years I thought there was something wrong with me, at first he blamed my pregnancy( although I didn’t gain much weight at all) then he always found excuses to escape sex with me,like he’s tired,the baby can wake up,and silly stuff like that,we ended up that we had sex only once every two months only on my demand,after counseling that was useless,i accidentally discovered the addiction thing and for the first time in my life I checked his phone,his I pad and even MY laptop and found ugly stuff on regular basis,daily basis and sometimes twice per day,i tried to put myself together,confronted him in the most calm manner I could and told him we have to seek for professional help,we’re both doctors so I know what addiction does to a brain but he’s the addict and went on and off denial phase saying he knows porn is a problem but that’s not the reason I can’t turn him on,the reason he thinks I’m just beautiful not sexy!and he wants a divorce cuz I deserve someone better than him and he can’t live this way.. God knows I tried everything before I knew that but it felt I’m married to a zombie..bottom line he saw a psychiatrist,he told him he had lots of issues besides the addiction like moderate depression, the addiction started at 14 years old cuz he escaped to this horrible world from very cruel parents who were never kind,caring or affectionate,he always felt he wasn’t loved and that nothing he says or does is good enough for them( till now by the way) I never blamed him or judged him but I told him we’ll face this together and beat it and after this he can decide if he wants to be in this marriage or not,we installed the covenant eye accountability app to build trust again and he’s been clean for 6 weeks now, about once a week he masturbates while watching me in some poses but he can’t erect with me almost at all,he repeatedly says I don’t think I’ll ever be aroused by you,i love u deeply on the personal level and thinks I’m an amazing woman but maybe we don’t match physically..and now I’m confused as hell plus hurt plus still in a shock phase that this turned out to be the man I loved , married and had a child with. He said last week for the first time in his life he can’t recall the porn images in his mind as if he can’t remember the details and for the first time he feels he’s alone with me and I’m not surrounded by those fantasies so it’s supposed to be a good sign but still can’t erect( he’s perfectly healthy on all other aspects) so my question is, can a man love his wife deeply and still can’t be aroused by her or the addiction damaged his arousal? How long can I expect him to be normal or close to normal? I know he had this problem for more than half his life(he’s 31 now) so it might take long to recover but I’m afraid I’m only hurting myself and my daughter by staying and I may be just not sexy enough for him.
Pls am having this problem of samesex attraction and mastubation at the same time, and all this mess i started engaging myself at a younger age even before i came to dicover pornography, i was already addicted to them, as a christian brother i have engage in so many spiritual exercise like fastings n prayer all to no avail, pls what do i do…?
Hey there. I would suggest that you find a counselor who can help you process through these issues. You’ve already been working on this a long time by yourself, so I’d say it’s time to find a safe, wise person who can help you move forward in understanding your situation. There are directories at the American Association of Christian Counselors, and also Psychology Today, where you can read profiles of counselors in your area. When you visit a counselor, remember that you are “shopping” for a particular service. You should always feel safe, respected, and comfortable with the counselor. You should find the sessions helpful to you, and you should find yourself feeling calmer and more at peace over time. If these things are not happening for you in counseling, then you can always look for another counselor who is better suited to you. Peace, Kay
Please! For the love of Pete! Get rid of this absolutely annoying Facebook,Twitter,Google,Pintrest,Mail,Print popup that covers 1/2 of the left side of the screen.
I am not even going to attempt to read all the info that you are sending me cause I have to constantly hit the arrow that makes it disappear, but as soon as I move my curser to the next line ……. up it pops again!
Come-on! I know you want to be “liked” on all these social media’s but don’t ruin it for everyone who is actually attempting to read your material!
david
Hello, David – can you please send me a screenshot of what you’re referring to? Thank you (info@covenanteyes.com)
That’s a rude way of commenting. It may not be their fault. I do not experience that. Pls try to air your views with absolute respect. They are doing God’s work and are being of help to people. Show some manners dear.
God bless.
I didn’t read all the comments, but the main focus seems to be on men. This is not just a male problem!!! So many females also deal with it so please stop demonizing men.
Why is this never talked about for females? I think this needs to change. I’m a young female who has sexual issues because of porn as well. Women struggle too!!!
You might appreciate the resources listed here.
After a man stops watching porn how long before he can get an erection to perform with his wife? How long until he gets visually excited by his wife again and seems to be excited sexually from wife? My husband masturbated to porn so much that he requires me to masturbate him to get an erection and it is almost never hard when he tries to penetrate me. We have to constantly manually stimulate him to even penetrate and when we do it is only partially hard. I try sexy lingerie and looking very nice but he doesn’t ever seem excited by me. When if ever will our sex life be normal. There is no intimacy or no desire for intimacy. I had a nervous breakdown and my self esteem has gone down greatly. I don’t know if I can go on forever with a man who isn’t excited by me. I didn’t know he had this problem when I married him. Is divorce ok because he hid this from me?
Hello – I’m so sorry for the pain and difficulty you’re experiencing. I believe divorce is always, always the very, very last option. After counseling. After openly working on what’s broken. After doing a lot of things to get this right. Covenant Eyes has written quite a bit about porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Here’s the ebook if you’re interested in reading it and then passing it along to him. I wish you the best!
Regards,
Chris
A couple of weeks ago I told my wife that I was addicted to porn and if you love your wife you will never see as much pain as I saw in my wife’s eyes. The thing is that we hadn’t made love in years and I told her that it was because of my age (69) and that happens. She told me that she didn’t know if she ever could trust me again. It was at that moment I realized what I had done to her. I never wanted to hurt my wife but I did. Making it even worse I had just been baptized again and joined the church. There was no amount of explaining. I love my wife and when she told me it would take time I was so happy even for that. I have known since then that God was with me. Other people can disbelieve and that there right. God is my “Rock” and I will make it up to her even if takes the rest of my life.
Am Daniel 28 years old.
Glory be to God for having joined this wonderful site, I thank all those I have read their stories and also our counselors.
When I was 18 years old in grade IV, i happened to go for evening reading but on my way to school, I heard a voice of a woman screaming inside a certain video hall. Driven by curiosity I branched to check what was going on, only to my surprise big men were watching porn sex. I was a Virgin and never had an idea about sex. From that night I developed a strange feeling all over my body. I did not know the evil of mustarbating was paving way through my life). I used to pray whenever I leave home for school but that evening I didn’t. Afterwards I continued to masturbate That is how I got to know about porn, something unique used to happen to me every time I finished having the wicked pleasure of mustarbating —-guess what? Intense guilt & shame (I felt like am less of a humanbeing). I became a serious porn addict which I tried to fight but failures in most cases. I reached an extent of searching for a porn app to install in my phone, that us where I posed abit and thought twice. With Holy Spirit leading, I typed “how to quit masturbation” as I scrolled I got a link to this website. I see this site is of great importance to me, I installed covenanteyes app in my phone and am now a week off from mustarbating and watching porn. I feel my self esteem is being restored. Please friends I still need support such that I will never go back to this evil which I owe total hatred in my heart currently. Thank you God bless you all.