Your Brain on Porn

Your Brain on Porn Ebook Cover

Watching just 5 hours of porn has been proven to significantly change people's sexual beliefs and attitudes. Find out 5 distinct ways that porn warps your brain, as well as 5 biblical ways to renew your mind and find freedom.

54 thoughts on “3 Steps to Kick the Habit of Masturbation

  1. This was a really helpful article, really easy to understand. The main thing I would add is that a lot of time should be spent in reading the Bible and looking to know more about God. This will wash out the mind and way of thinking. In the guy who asked the question, it’s good that he has eliminated the porn, but he is probably struggling because he has left a vacuum of sorts. All the images are there to fuel fantasy and masturbation.

    • This has been a struggle for me and I thank God for his mercy and grace for my sin. Thanks for the tips.

  2. I think if a person wants to find victory over masturbation for the long-term, he or she has to find healthy outlets, healthy inlets, and work on healing the deeper hurts.

    Deeper hurts – you already addressed this when you talk about the longings. What is the undercurrent that drives our desire to act out sexually. But also, what are the hurts and the woundings you have that need God’s healing touch?

    Healthy Outlets – When we take the energy we have been pouring into sexual things and direct it into healthy directions, the pull to masturbate lessens. Since masturbation is so inward and so selfish, anytime we are pouring ourselves outward toward others and toward healthy habits it’s going to help.

    Healthy Inlets – We have to make sure that we’re feeding ourselves with the right things – healthy things. The Word of God. Relationships that build us up. Good media. Good interaction with our spouse, or those that are close to us. Even reading books or listening to podcasts on sexual purity will help us put good things in.

    Pour good things in. Pour good things out.

    Good topic, Luke – one that so many have questions on, and struggle greatly with.

  3. I think this article is really helpful, but I still have questions.

    Being a teenager, I know that my body is producing more hormones than it will at any other time in my life. This has previously led to porn (a problem that is starting to heal after months of sobriety), and now to masturbation.

    The opinions of teenage masturbation differ greatly (http://bit.ly/dBWavL), but I know it will continue after this ‘flood’ of hormones ends. How do I deal with this when all other sexual outlets are closed off?

    Thanks for the article: God bless.

    • @Matt – Good question. I agree that masturbation itself is not a sin issue. God does not call masturbation a sin. He does, however, call lust a sin. If masturbation is intimately tied to lust for you, which it often is, then you must either quit mental and physical habits that lead to masturbation, or you must divorce the act of masturbation from lust (which some claim is possible for them).

      Bear in mind, God holds us to His standards for sexuality no matter our age. I do think when God speaks of “youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22), He is acknowledging just how alive a young man’s sex drive can be, but nonetheless he calls young men to “flee” from such lusts. The wonderful news is Christ’s power to overcome sin is give to His children regardless of age. As His child, you are no longer defined by your struggle with lust: you belong to Him and His strength is made perfect in your weakness.

      Here’s a quote from Mark Driscoll’s book, Porn Again Christian, which might be helpful to you:

      Question: I am a single man who has a very strong sexual desire and do masturbate upon occasion to prevent a lack of self-control that would lead to lustful and sinful actions. When I masturbate I am not lusting, so is this okay?

      Answer: First, I would encourage you to be working toward marriage since you are obviously not built by God to endure a life of singleness. Second, I would be very cautious in evaluating your heart since only you truly know if you are lusting when you masturbate. Third, it seems possible but unlikely to be sexually aroused without sexual thoughts; I guess you could think of tractors or something to divert yourself, which seems peculiar but not evil. Fourth, I would be careful to ensure that your masturbation does not lead you into pornography and other sins if/when it becomes unsatisfying.”

      I encourage you to read the whole chapter he has on masturbation.

    • Well this is the one thing that god really showed me conviction for, even really early on after being saved a month into. The only time so far I have been shown the fear of god, and I know for a fact that he is awaiting me now to beat this trial and walk further down the path with/in Christ. I have not hardly felt the holy spirit since and felt it tremendously before often for no reason at all. I have almost no knowledge of the bible and god’s teachings other than what I have studied in the past 2 months but I will overcome this in Jesus name, What really urks me is the real life situations at my job that really amazingly beautiful women of all ages want to flaunt around…almost like they know or sense that I am walking with Christ. Before maybe I was just less sensitive but now they are truly teasing me and giving me undeniable attention like never before. Almost like a married man that all the youthful half dressed beauties go after and at least attempt to get a rise from or attention, the truth is all women liked to be looked at and it truly can be disasterous in this immoral world we live in today. Stand up against hardships and god will reward you generously, but do it for the right reasons and it is possible, if you do it just to go to heaven you will surely fail. Know that you are holding your life back from what you could truly achieve at maybe 50% just as a drunkard or a druggie its a different size and type of needle/bottle. Think of it as such helps me, instead of thinking of it as something you might justify think of it as gross and intolerant to your own being and purpose as well as gods. Saying such be careful to as well not become self-righteous but moral and conscience of your thoughts is all. God gave us morals and wisdom you just have to break through the bad to reach the potential he gave to us naturally at birth. FREEDOM ISN’T FREE!

  4. There is no “magic” word or bible verse that will eliminate lust or masturbation or pornography. There’s a GREAT book called,

    “Healing the wounds of Sexual Addiction”

    There is a section in the book that talks about playing Michael Jordan 1 on 1 and how I will lose EVERY time. Then it talks about getting a friend and playing Michael Jordan 2 on 1. We will STILL lose. Then another friend joins and now it’s 3 on 1. It will be harder for Jordan to win, but he will probably still take us. Get ANOTHER friend and now it’s 4 on 1 then 5 on 1. Sooner or later, WE will beat him.

    It goes on to say that Michael Jordan in the story represents Pornography/Masturbation. When we attempt to fight it alone, we will ALWAYS lose. We need players on our team. What are players?

    Books that deal with the subject (Healing the wounds of sexual addiction…False Intimacy…Don’t Call it Love..etc)

    Filter on computer

    Attending SA or another 12 step group

    Therapy to deal with the subject

    Burning ALL bridges that lead to porn. (CELL PHONES and iPods as well)

    ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS that are NOT affraid to ask you..DID YOU LOOK AT PORN!

    It’s through the connection of OTHERS that any real victory over this is possible. All the “players” on the team are important to beat the Michael Jordan of sin. Alone, we will ALWAYS lose to him.

    God bless all.

  5. There is a great Jesus based course that helps with pornography and masturbation addiction. It’s settingcaptivesfree.com. I did it last year and it helped a ton

    • Only god has the right to judge, are you not saved? Or are you a holier than thou revieller, regardless of which you become what you judge! Love is so much stronger than hate, Rise above don’t falter to others. Jesus loves you mate, may god bless you!

  6. There is no scientific evidence that obtaining from masturbation leads to eventual nocturnal emission. In fact, some people never experience ONE. There are many healthy benefits to masturbating. It frequently recycles stagnant sperm and even helps to prevent prostate cancer. Don’t try to fool yourself into thinking that trying to force yourself to fight against your body’s natural functions and needs is going to do anything more than hurt you and make you irritable/miserable. Just try and stop a sneeze. Abstain from that and see what happens. Furthermore, I’m willing to bet that the guy who wrote this did so in hypocrisy. NOBODY can completely break the ‘habit’ because it isn’t a ‘habit.’ It’s a biological need that you’re squelching. It makes me sick that people are trying to teach these mentally vulnerable kids this kind of stuff.

    • You are right that many people never experience a nocturnal emission.

      This post assumes the person is masturbating as a means to fulfill lust. If that is not the case for someone, then I don’t believe there is a problem with masturbation.

    • The way I look I look at it, people are lustful by nature and masturbation is a way of fulfilling that lust without harming anybody else.

      By the way, I understand that this is a Christian website built on traditional beliefs. I’m currently a believer but with what I’d consider more progressive views. I’d like to thank you for allowing me to voice my opinion. I understand that all comments are screened and it’s extremely cool that you let mine through to have a gentlemanly discussion.

    • Absolutely.

      As for your progressive beliefs, what principles guide your progress? That is, when examine traditional beliefs taught in the Scriptures, what principles do you use to say, “This traditional belief is true, but this one is false”? Just curious.

      I would challenge you about the notion of harm. You stated, “people are lustful by nature and masturbation is a way of fulfilling that lust without harming anybody else.” What if, by giving into lust, you are harming yourself? I’m not asking if you actually believe you are harming yourself. Rather, I’m asking, if harm is what determines right and wrong, would harming yourself also mean that what you are doing is wrong? Or is there some other principle at work here?

    • OK… first off, let me make this point: Long ago, the ‘nocturnal emissions’ that are spoken of by nearly every Christian outlet as being God’s intended way to relieve (if I may) buildup used to be considered unclean also. Though involuntary, it still arouses with ‘lustful’ imagery to lead to a (again, if I may) climax. In a lot of those cases, the images your brain produces in those dreams deal with real-world people that you find attractive. Therefore, if conscious masturbation is wrong, even through ‘involuntary,’ I can’t see how ‘nocturnal emissions’ are any better.

      As I was preparing to answer this, I read a few passages that talked about lust… While it is the opinion of most that to lust after somebody means to… well, we all know what this is about… but when Jesus speaks about lusting after a woman (…looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery), I was given the distinct impression that he was more or less talking about wishing to take possession of somebody else’s wife, not some poor hormonally charged kid getting his fancies on the internet.

      Where things turn south, I think, is when it becomes a habit to the point that it’s interfering with the rest of your life, though few people actually get to that level. I think it’s a very natural thing that’s always been around, LONG before the internet and the big deal that people make about it doesn’t serve to do anything but confuse people and interfere with their natural sexual development.

      Though it should have little baring on my opinion, I’m 20… in that twenty years, I’ve experienced many traumatic conflicts because of faith to the point that I almost abandoned it… (I’m still not completely out of that water… but that’s beside the point, I think.) This was one of those things. I got to the point of crying in the floor and promising God I’d never do it again. After many failed attempts and more crying, I got tired of feeling guilty and came to the conclusion that God wasn’t sitting up there waiting to punish me and millions of other teenagers for something as mundane (yes, MUNDANE) as masturbation and I still think that’s true. I don’t think it’s a sin and I don’t think it’s wrong or harmful (normally) and that is my stance.

      On a side note, a chemical is actually released in the brain upon climax that serves to let you know it’s time to stop. This often creates sensations of guilt in people that are predisposed to those feelings.

  7. im a teenage man, i really need your help i am Christian.. believer of Christ. Masturbation knocks me up whenever i am alone, angry , stressed. i want to escape this immorality in my mind . i want to be used by God for his glory . please response . thank you

    • Zach, you can take this with a grain of salt if you like. Your beliefs are your own and you need not listen to mine if you don’t wish to but I’d really appreciate it if you’d give be the benefit of the doubt, OK?

      After a person masturbates, the brain releases these things called ‘endorphins.’ Without getting too technical, their main function is to make you feel good. If you are stressed or angry, they can help to curb those feelings. There is nothing immoral about masturbation. It’s a natural thing that everybody does and if they say they don’t, they aren’t telling you the truth.

      Besides making you fell good, masturbation also serves you in other positive ways. Research suggests that regular masturbation drastically reduces the likelihood of prostate cancer occurring in your body. It also serves to replace dead or heavily degenerated sperm cells and keeps the bodies testosterone level from building, which keeps those hormonally charged urges under (better) control. (It’s also thought that the lack of regular masturbation may lead to problems like erectile dysfunction later in life.)

      Now, if masturbation has all those benefits and the lack of masturbation has all those drawbacks, don’t you think it’s a little flawed to assume that God, the one who is supposed to have created the human body, would consider it immoral for you to utilize your bodies natural, built in fail safes? It isn’t even confined to humans. Every living mammal masturbates. Think about it, OK? Please.

  8. Adam, I’d just like to make a comment. I understand where you’re coming from with all of the health benefits. Sure, those facts have all been proven true.
    But those aren’t good reasons for justifying masturbation. I’m sorry but I’ve never really heard of anyone masturbating to benefit just their health or their body. We feel compelled to please ourselves because it feels good and a lot of times it’s related to desiring that pleasure from someone else. But seeking that desire outside of marriage isn’t what god intended because it isnt real love. I think what you said about the benefits of masturbation are true but that’s why god gave us sex instead. It’s something fulfilling and designed to be holy for us to share with our partners. And I think that’s where a lot of that guilt comes from, the shame in going against God’s plan. Why would God give us/approve of masturbation when he’s given us the gift of companionship and presented us with numerous scriptures about husbands and wives? If He wanted us to masturbate or was perfectly OK with it, then there would be no need for partners.
    Saying no to pleasing myself is worth it so that I can wait for the right man to come along and contribute to our loving marriage in the marriage bed (:
    I’ve read many forums(not all Christian) declaring that masturbation is perfectly normal. But just because society has presented us with that notion doesn’t mean we should succumb to it. I recognize all your reasons as the same ones i’ve read about that have helped confuse me and at times make me feel better about my actions. But it just comes down to my relationship with God. And I believe there’s a reason I feel guilty afterward. Living the life of a christian isnt always easy and this is part of the battle.
    Sorry for the rant! Just wanted to throw my own opinions out there and maybe help give perspective from a female who’s struggled.
    And to clarify, not every living mammal masturbates. Not even every living male mammal!

    • Kelsey,
      I like to think I’ve been very analytical and calm while discussing this issue. I can no longer do so, as I’m very passionate about this cause (as strange as that may seem) and wish to speak with passion, if I may, for a moment.

      Reading through question forums like Yahoo Answers, I run across many queries that disturb me and answers that make me physically sick to read. The questions in… question… are usually ones like “is it a sin to masturbate,” “will I go to hell if I watch porn,” and “does god still love me if I masturbate.” The most outrageous answer to one of those questions (which was voted the ‘best’) had the kid convinced that God would kill him to prevent him from sinning… Yeah, I’m sure that didn’t scare the living crap out of him.

      By reading your reply, I am going to assume you are female (as you spoke about finding “the right man”). If that assumption is wrong, I apologize but for the sake of argument, I’m going to go forth with that assumption. I can’t speak for females who masturbate, though I think it’s as normal as anything else. I wonder how big the biological urges are for women, though, given that there are tons of questions on said sites that ask things like “what is masturbation?” A man would never ask that question because it’s nearly an instinct to us. I found out about it in a very natural way, not through snickering children on the playground or somebody answering my question about it online. That is the case for nearly EVERYBODY I’ve spoken to, also.

      If God thinks masturbation is so wrong, why is there no solid passage addressing it and not just a bunch of vague scriptures that people have to practically cut up into scrabble pieces to make them fit their argument? Many men throughout history have used such vague passages for their own sinister purposes and this is no different. In my humble opinion, it isn’t a sin. People need to stop scaring their kids and let them get on with their NORMAL lives. When you get older, things calm down in that department and I suppose it’s easy for parents to forget their own teenage years.

      From my experience, I’ve never had parents that got onto me for this so I’m not bitter. I’ve had friends who’s parents were (what I consider to be) overly-fanatical in their religious practices and said some very damaging things to him on this and other subjects. I had to be the voice of reason. I wish I could be the voice of reason for every kid who’s had their head filled with this nonsense. Hopefully I’ve reached out to a few of them with my messages on here.

      Guys (and girls!), please don’t be afraid. Don’t feel abnormal. Don’t fear for your soul. It is a natural part of being human. It’s a natural biological need. There are many articles about the benefits of masturbation. Some even state that masturbation and (gasp!) porn can make a marriage last longer, as it makes the men less likely to grow tired of their wife by giving him verity without introducing infidelity. Jesus acted as a human on earth for thirty-three years. I don’t believe for one minute, if he’s supposed to be acting as our moderator, that God doesn’t understand and accept this behavior. If he made us and methodically constructed us from the ground up, why on EARTH would he design our bodies to conflict with his vision?

      That’s all.

      -Adam.

    • Hi Adam,

      I think you are correct that masturbation, in an of itself, is not sinful. The Bible does not say anything about it. It would be unwise to label it as sinful.

      Lust, however, is sinful (according to a Christian perspective). As I wrote in another post, the mental habits that often attend masturbation are the problem. Lust does not go hand-in-hand with masturbation all the time, and for this reason it is unwise to say that masturbation is itself a sin.

      If a person feels some guilt over masturbation, it is best to help them reconsider the catalyst of their guilt. To feel guilt over ejaculation is really unhelpful. The focus of one’s attention should not be on the physical act, but the habits of lust underneath.

      You are right about another thing: God did not design our bodies to conflict with his vision for our lives. We are meant to enjoy sex. But we are also meant to enjoy all that sex entails, non just the physical aspects of it. From a Christian perspective, God designed sexuality to be a bonding experience, an expression of self-giving. This is one reason why lust is so insidious: it projects the imagination into a bonding experience with another person with whom you have no life commitment. The sex God has given us to experience is an experience of oneness with another person. Lust takes us away from that.

      So, God did not wire us for lust and pornography. He wired us for intimacy, sexual intimacy included. To claim that lusting after the women in pornography helps a couple bond with each other not only goes against what God has revealed in the Bible, it also goes against what he has revealed in the psychology of human sexuality.

      Take for example a great study that came out in 2011 in The Journal of Sex Research after hundreds of interviews were conducted among college students. For both men and women, the frequency of viewing pornography was correlated with more casual sexual relationships. For men specifically, frequency of viewing pornography was correlated with a lower satisfaction with sex and relationships. For both men and women, those who reported using more types of pornography also reported more intercourse partners and more casual sex partners.

      There are many studies like these out there. The point is that pornography trains our minds with new sexual beliefs and expectations. This kind of lust bonds us, not to one woman who we are called to love and serve, but to pixels on a screen.

      That is not the kind of man I want to be.

  9. P.S. I didn’t read your post thoroughly enough, apparently. I’m sorry for completely missing the “female who’s struggled” line.

  10. I’m not sure I agree with that study, as it could very well be working backwards as well. By that I mean the promiscuous nature of the people involved could have influenced their porn usage and not the other way around. I’ve read the passages about lust that everybody mentions and I just don’t see anything there that validates the way people use them. Lust seems more like a term for coveting than anything else. I mean, who among men believe that their imagined fantasy is in love with them?

    It isn’t about love, it isn’t about feeling close to anybody. All that remains intact and separated in healthy individuals. I’m quite capable of feeling an unshakable love and closeness with another human being while maintaining a regular, healthy regiment of make-believe hanky panky.

    As humans, we are able to use that big, squishy thing floating around inside of our skulls to conjure up anything we please in what we’ve decided to refer to as our imagination. It’s a gift, as far as I’m concerned, just as long as you don’t spend all your time in there.

    People, throughout history have had a tendency to demonize any sexual behavior as deviant. I think this argument is really just one of the last diluted remnants of fear and forced-modesty. In time (I hope), it’ll die out, like women being forbidden to show their ankles.

  11. I’ve been a widower for 2 1/2 years. Is it wrong for me to fantasize about relations with my wife and masturbate? We were married 39 years.

    • I’m sorry for your loss, Joe. I can’t imagine how you must feel, especially after being married for thirty-nine years. How old were you when you ‘took the plunge,’ if you don’t mind me asking?

      OK. On to your question. Do I think it’s wrong for you to fantasize about your wife and masturbate? No. No, I don’t. Here’s what it boils down to: Does it make you feel uncomfortable because she’s no longer living or because you think she would judge you? If its the former, that’s legitimate. It takes time to heal and come to terms with loss (so I’ve heard . . . Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any significant loss yet). If it’s the latter, do you think it would offend her? Do you think she would mind? I didn’t know her but I have a susspicion that she wouldn’t.

      Injecting my opinion further, I don’t think it’s particularly wrong to fantasize about anybody if you feel comfortable doing so. We have a short time on this planet and we as humans have the ability to express ourselves however we see fit. Don’t be ashamed to do what you feel (as long as it doesn’t endanger you or others). I hope you find peace, Joe.

      -Adam.

  12. Getting into porn/masturbation were the worst decisions I made in my entire life. I live to regret ever indulging myself in both vices, and will the rest of my life now. I truly wish i could turn back time, and start over without these two addictions ever entering my life or my mind. I am not a Christian, but I believe that porn and masturbation are evil and can ruin ones life with the power of temptation.

    For those who have control over it, it might not be harmful, but for those who cannot control themselves, it has the potential to ruin your life, as it did mine.

  13. I used both porn and masturbating to “escape” all the problems in my life. I seriously wish now that i would have found much more productive ways to escape my pain.

  14. I was also suffering from habit of excess of masturbation and I think it`s very normal for boys to get addicted of it during their teen age which continues till their marriage or beyond in some cases. I think in many cases it affect their sex life.
    When I was 10 years old I got into bad company and without knowing anything about sex I somehow got involved in masturbation. I started doing it more frequently when I entered into teen age i.e. 13 years.
    By 14 I started disliking it, like every other person I use to think that this will affect by marriage life however a habit is a habit it doesn’t go off easily and later-on porn sites made it worse.

    I use to Google for how to leave this habit but I didn’t find anything concrete. I know every problem has a solution and one fine day when I was thinking about how to leave this I found a way. Which I would like to share with everyone.

    1st of all masturbation is not bad but you should have control over it, do it only when you are exited.

    I took a pocket calendar (something which you can keep in your pocket, you can get this in any stationary shop)
    and I stared marking on the calendar with a cross on the date whenever I masturbate. The aim was to keep a track of how many times I masturbate in a month and reduce it slowly. It’s a human tendency to improve by looking at the earlier records. I wanted to make it a game and who doesn’t want to win a game and offcouse I was young I do not like to lose.
    For the 1st month I didn’t do anything I just marked on the calendar whenever I masturbate, the count was 18 this was really shocking for me almost alternate days. I said fine next month I am not going to cross 16 and for the 2nd month the count was 15 that was a challenging task as I was too much involved in masturbation but I was happy looking at the small step towards a big victory.
    3rd month the count was nearly 12, 4th month it was again 15, 5th month it again went around 12, 6th month 10, 7th month 12, It was becoming little difficult for me to reduce it below 10 but I was happy I reduce it till 10 in 7 months.
    I still wanted to get more control and wanted to reduce it to 4 times a month.
    It became a game for me whenever I wanted to masturbate I use to look at the calendar and try to control it, It worked at many occasion.

    I continued this and it took me 1 year and 5 month to reduce my count to 3 or 4 now things are in my control I masturbate whenever I feel excited, which is the right thing.
    The only thing you need is a little will power I repeat a “little” the calendar will generate results for you.
    Access of anything is bad you should masturbate but not more than 4-5 times a month which is roughly once in a week.

    I think you can apply this method to leave any habits like watching porn, smoking or drinking too much. There is no medication for habit you just need a small will power.

    Good Luck! and do share you experience or results, this will surely encourage other as well.

    • That’s a great suggestion! However, I’d actually encourage you to quit the habit completely, not just leave it at 3-4 times a month. Porn only serves to build up a tolerance to more porn…whenever you choose to get married, your spouse will still be unable to compete with the images you’ve trained yourself to use. Even in small doses, porn just kicks up the need for more porn. (For more details, go read The Porn Circuit.)

      When Michael Leahy was on tour for Porn University, college students would come up and ask if just using porn every few weeks was okay. After all, it’s in moderation, right? His response is great: “What if I just beat my wife every once in a while? That would be okay, right?” Like spouse abuse, porn use is never okay.

      Again, I’m glad you’ve found a method that helps you cut back! Now keep working until you cut porn use out completely.

    • It sounds like you learned to masturbate without dependence upon pornography, which I too found to be KEY as well as the MORAL CERTAINTY as even Luke says, that masturbation in itself isn’t sinful, but actually healthful and serves some valid purposes in both males and females. If you are a young man, I think a couple times a week is healthy. There are women here who don’t realize that regular ejaculation is a legitimate male need, esp. while young. (Google:” Family Man needs sex ” for link to Focus on Family article) Since God didn’t require men to only love one woman, I believe some imagery and variety is permissible, but that is between a man, his wife and his God. People who think that a man would lose his desire for his wife or reject her by comparison to an image on a screen are sincere, but are making mountains out of molehills. A normal guy will nearly always rather have real sex than some messy solo time. no comparison! And, again, commenting on another comment here, how idiotic to compare enjoyment of sexual imagery to violent battery of one’s spouse… I like stuff Adam has been saying.

    • Rocky, I never said masturbation is healthful and serves a valid purpose, but that the act, in an of itself, is not sinful. It is one thing to say something isn’t sinful. It is another thing to say it isn’t helpful

  15. the calendar system is indeed a good idea and really shows how seriously committed one is to avoid masturbation. I believe that if one sincerely wants to get rid of d habit then anything is possible.

  16. the bible says i can do all things tru Christ who strenghtens me. There are times we prays against a particular sin but we do not show or demonstrate an utter hatred for it cos we are silently enjoying it. I know that this is d case for many concerning masturbation and porn. Lets sincerely show and demonstrate our loathe for ds thing and we will get to its roots by God’s grace. So help us God.

    • @AY: This is true. What we lack is real hatred and commitment. God bless us with power and strength to overcome lust. Be blessed.

  17. OK, I just had to chime in here. I’ve read what Adam and Rocky have said, and is apparent to me that they both have a rather poor grasp on what the bible says regarding sexual fulfillment within marriage and God’s plan for One man and One woman.

    No where in the bible does God permit us (men) to have more than one wife, or to think sexually about any other woman other than our wife. You will never find a passage where Jesus says it’s OK to marry one woman, but to carry on with another either physically or mentally at the same time.

    If we think sexually or lustfully about any other woman other than our wife, we cannot possibly be giving our total selves to our wives. There would always be a part of us that is not focused on our wife, because we would be thinking about “the other woman”. The same goes with masturbation with or without any fantasy involved. If you are deriving any sexual pleasure from anyone else (including yourself) but your spouse, then you are depriving them and yourself from the fullest relationship possible relationship a man and a woman can have, and why would you ever what to have any sexual release or pleasure that doesn’t involve your spouse?

    God designed sex and sexual fulfillment/release for marriage so that a man and woman could form a bond that is not possible in form or function in any other relationship. Any use of porn of fantasy within marriage denies both husband and wife, the possibility of ever having as close a bond as God meant them to have. how can you form a unbreakable bond with your spouse, if you know that you are not the only one in the world that they are getting sexual fulfillment from? How would you feel if your spouse was getting sexual satisfaction from someone other than you?

    If porn or fantasy is involved, whether or not the spouse who is using it realizes it, they are subconsciously comparing their spouse with the person(s) in the porn. They begin to think; well, the person in the porn does that why won’t my spouse? I wish my spouse looked like that, I wish he/she had bigger this or smaller that. Unrealistic expectations take hold, and soon there is less and less satisfaction with their spouse.

    As for masturbation when your single, I am opposed to it altogether for several reasons.

    It can and most likely will be very addictive. The chemicals (endorphins) released as sexual pleasure increases form neuron-pathways in the brain, which help the brain remember what made it feel so good. After these pathways are formed, the brain will want to use them as much as possible to keep the pleasurable feeling going. This is the addictive part of the process, it is the exact same process as happens in alcoholics and drug users. Once the brain gets a few doses of it, it want more and more. This is exacerbated by any emotional pain you may have, as the pleasure release allows you to cover up and avoid what is causing you the pain.

    If you can’t face and deal with your own pain how are you going to be able to help your spouse when painful situations come up? There will always be a part of you, that you keep from your spouse, which could end up destroying your marriage if you are unable to confide properly in them or them you.

    Even without fantasy (as a single man with a very healthy sex drive I’m not sure how it’s possible NOT to fantasize while masturbating or why you would want to, since it’s much more stimulating with the visuals) you would still be deriving sexual pleasure/release from means not designed by God, as any and all sexual desire should be solely for your spouse

    Again if you start masturbating before your married, it will be very difficult to stop during your marriage, and for the reason’s I outlined earlier your marriage will suffer greatly.

    I also want to correct something else Adam stated. Endorphins DO NOT cause guilty feelings after masturbation. The guilty feeling is solely the result of doing something that you know is wrong, and against God’s design. It’s called your CONSCIENCE. That little voice that God put in all of us to tell us when we’ve done something wrong so we won’t repeat it. The problem is that many of us (including some of the people commenting here) have learned to ignore that voice, and/or have twisted God’s word to fit what we want to believe, so we can continue sinning without the guilt. It should also be said that Satan loves to chime in with his own thoughts as your feeling the guilt to intensify it as much as possible. He loves nothing more than tear someone down when they are at there weakest point. That’s how he gets the most bang for his buck.

    It always saddens me when I see/hear/read about people who even though they clearly know the truth, start believing the lies that Satan puts in their heads to the point of twisting God’s word to fit their own moral failings to avoid facing them and doing the hard work involved when following God.

    By the way, I know this from experience. I wasted 20 years using porn and masturbating. It got me nothing but further away from God. It also kept me isolated from real life, and prevented me from having a relationship with any woman. I have stopped using porn and masturbating regularly but still on occasion stumble. I hate when I do, but it is getting less and less frequent. I am determined to make sure I can give my a whole self to whomever the woman is that God has chosen for me.

  18. I AM SO FRUSTRATED BY THIS MASTURBATION THING AND I HAVE NOOO CLUE HOW TO FIX IT.
    it feels like something is latched on to my soul and sucking the good out of it every time i masturbate. im a young female alomst twenty and this is something ive been doing for almost all of my life now. yes i am a christian. and i am also a virgin. its just sooo hard.. my mind feels messed up by this. i remember once i did it when i was younger and i just lay on the floor and felt sick about it because i was confused as to whether it was wrong or right. and i prayed and God somehow revealed to me by what i was feeling that it was totally wrong. now every thing is out of control. i have tried stopping for yearssss and it just goes on and off and on and off….. sigh. i have never been soo stressed out in my life before. i have youtubed, googled, facebooked, prayed, talked, ran, everything….. and nothing seems to work. i am losing it. i dont want to do this anymore. so for the final time…..help me…someone….please. i feel like im poisoning my spirit . i hate it…..

  19. I struggle with it myself. I have since I was 19 ( I know that’s kind of a late start, but then again so were other things for me as I never actually had full on sexual intercourse until I was 26). I guess at the time I was trying to find a way to fulfill lustful desires without technically having premarital sex. It just kind of branched out from there. Next thing I knew I was addicted. Whenever I was involved in a relationship I tried really hard to limit it or cease doing it all together but always stumbled and then whenever said relationships failed, I used it as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain of the break up. Once that happens it began to be seen as an alternative to healthy relationships and then got coupled in with no strings attached flings (in both cases the rationale was that they didn’t come with the risk of getting my heart broken). But lustful thoughts have a way of getting out of control and like anything,once done, the human mind has a way or rationalizing it (even if you at some level acknowledge it as wrong). So then I started allowing myself to do it even while in a commited relationship. That compromise eventually led me to have deeper urges to want to get physical with women outside the relationship (not always in a sexual way. I have to admit I love kissing and have a hard time with the idea of only kissing one person for life. I have an easier time with the idea of only having sex with one person for life but then again ive never gone that far with anyone while I was in a relationship with someone else and I know one thing can lead to another). The only time I ever got physical outside of a relationship was I kissed another woman at a bar while I was in a relationship with an ex of mine. But having crossed that threshold makes it harder to not do so again. Im married now to a wonderful woman but I still struggle with masturbation and lustful thoughts and honestly worry what would happen if I ever faced the ultimate temptation. I do feel that had I not let masturbation get so out of control Id be in much better control of my urges and lustful thoughts. So I do feel its best to not open that Pandoras Box. By the way, I am a Christian and was a Christian when this all started so I really don’t wanna hear anyone trying to tell people that if they struggle with this or that habit then they must not truly be saved cuz that’s not true.

    • Hi Drew,

      There are a few thoughts I have for you.

      1. Talk to your wife about it. That may sound weird, but coming forward to share your struggle with her could be a big help. Tell her that you don’t want to rely on this very old habit anymore. You’ve gotten use to “solo sex” for a long time, and now it is a tough habit to break. Tell her you want her to pray for you about it as you work toward stopping it altogether. Confession and prayer leads to healing (James 5:16).

      2. Figure out the moments when you are most tempted. Is it in specific locations? A certain mood? Are you really tired? Is it in the morning, evening, night? Is it when you have an erection for no apparent reason? Label these moments and then come up with an “exit plan” for those moments. Right away, as soon as you notice the circumstances are ripe for masturbation, follow your exit plan. This is a way to be repentant in your attitude: treating sin seriously before it has time to fester.

      3. Think of ways to be romantic. One of the best things you can do when you feel the urge to lust is to channel your energy into romance. Think of simple things you can do in that moment to show you wife love. Write her a love note. Drive to the store and buy her a rose. Give her a call or send her an e-mail. Retrain your mind to think: When I feel the urge to run to solo sex, run instead to something that will foster intimacy. Need ideas? Jump on Google and start making a list of ideas.

      4. Refresh your thinking around why masturbation (for you) is wrong. Why is it offensive to God? Think about the lust that is habitually connected to it. Think about the world of fantasy tied to it. Read this article about this topic. One of the reasons why masturbation is a problem is because you don’t own your sexuality. Your wife does.

      5. Write a prayer. Find passages of Scripture that speak to this issue and write a short, simple prayer based on those passages. A lot of people find it to be a great practice for helping them remember to lean on God in times of temptation. Keep the prayer in your wallet and pull it out when you are tempted. Read it aloud.

      There are some really practical thoughts for you.

  20. Deny thy self, pick up your cross and follow me. The Holy Spirit and God , Christ Jesus working with you through prayer is the only way to be free from this strong hold. Also plenty of prayer and accountability partner.

  21. Hi guys I’m a 20 year old man and I’m a virgin. I have a problem about masturbation and I don’t know how to make it stop. I must say Its very hard for me but I think with God nothing is impossible can you please advise me on prayer points which I can follow to overcome this situation. Thank you.

  22. this is EXACTLY what im looking for..God only can deliever you from masterbation i have victory in the blod of jesus

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