- Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
- Written By Luke Gilkerson
- Categories: Lust - Fighting the Battle Back to Blog Home
Three Steps to Kick the Habit of Masturbation
Several weeks ago I received a comment about quitting masturbation:
I have eliminated the porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). The Bible does not specifically condone or condemn masturbation, but it does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate.
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape.” This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts: (1) in our triggers; (2) in our bodies; and (3) in our deepest longings.
- Triggers. There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or a seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sort of triggers can be very helpful. But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from, because they are…well…in us.
- Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress-reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors, the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
- Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is to pursue oneness in marriage?
- Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied at the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for a pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
- The Body. Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone? For single men God has created built in release mechanisms: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For married men God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and praying for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
- Longings. For many sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith. Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe it is our chief purpose to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? (To explore more on this topic pick up books like Captured by a Better Vision and Sex and the Supremacy of Christ.)
How has God helped you in your fight?
This was a really helpful article, really easy to understand. The main thing I would add is that a lot of time should be spent in reading the Bible and looking to know more about God. This will wash out the mind and way of thinking. In the guy who asked the question, it’s good that he has eliminated the porn, but he is probably struggling because he has left a vacuum of sorts. All the images are there to fuel fantasy and masturbation.
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I think if a person wants to find victory over masturbation for the long-term, he or she has to find healthy outlets, healthy inlets, and work on healing the deeper hurts.
Deeper hurts – you already addressed this when you talk about the longings. What is the undercurrent that drives our desire to act out sexually. But also, what are the hurts and the woundings you have that need God’s healing touch?
Healthy Outlets – When we take the energy we have been pouring into sexual things and direct it into healthy directions, the pull to masturbate lessens. Since masturbation is so inward and so selfish, anytime we are pouring ourselves outward toward others and toward healthy habits it’s going to help.
Healthy Inlets – We have to make sure that we’re feeding ourselves with the right things – healthy things. The Word of God. Relationships that build us up. Good media. Good interaction with our spouse, or those that are close to us. Even reading books or listening to podcasts on sexual purity will help us put good things in.
Pour good things in. Pour good things out.
Good topic, Luke – one that so many have questions on, and struggle greatly with.
I think this article is really helpful, but I still have questions.
Being a teenager, I know that my body is producing more hormones than it will at any other time in my life. This has previously led to porn (a problem that is starting to heal after months of sobriety), and now to masturbation.
The opinions of teenage masturbation differ greatly (http://bit.ly/dBWavL), but I know it will continue after this ‘flood’ of hormones ends. How do I deal with this when all other sexual outlets are closed off?
Thanks for the article: God bless.
@Matt – Good question. I agree that masturbation itself is not a sin issue. God does not call masturbation a sin. He does, however, call lust a sin. If masturbation is intimately tied to lust for you, which it often is, then you must either quit mental and physical habits that lead to masturbation, or you must divorce the act of masturbation from lust (which some claim is possible for them).
Bear in mind, God holds us to His standards for sexuality no matter our age. I do think when God speaks of “youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22), He is acknowledging just how alive a young man’s sex drive can be, but nonetheless he calls young men to “flee” from such lusts. The wonderful news is Christ’s power to overcome sin is give to His children regardless of age. As His child, you are no longer defined by your struggle with lust: you belong to Him and His strength is made perfect in your weakness.
Here’s a quote from Mark Driscoll’s book, Porn Again Christian, which might be helpful to you:
“Question: I am a single man who has a very strong sexual desire and do masturbate upon occasion to prevent a lack of self-control that would lead to lustful and sinful actions. When I masturbate I am not lusting, so is this okay?
Answer: First, I would encourage you to be working toward marriage since you are obviously not built by God to endure a life of singleness. Second, I would be very cautious in evaluating your heart since only you truly know if you are lusting when you masturbate. Third, it seems possible but unlikely to be sexually aroused without sexual thoughts; I guess you could think of tractors or something to divert yourself, which seems peculiar but not evil. Fourth, I would be careful to ensure that your masturbation does not lead you into pornography and other sins if/when it becomes unsatisfying.”
I encourage you to read the whole chapter he has on masturbation.
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There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. Rejoice and be glad in it!
There is no “magic” word or bible verse that will eliminate lust or masturbation or pornography. There’s a GREAT book called,
“Healing the wounds of Sexual Addiction”
There is a section in the book that talks about playing Michael Jordan 1 on 1 and how I will lose EVERY time. Then it talks about getting a friend and playing Michael Jordan 2 on 1. We will STILL lose. Then another friend joins and now it’s 3 on 1. It will be harder for Jordan to win, but he will probably still take us. Get ANOTHER friend and now it’s 4 on 1 then 5 on 1. Sooner or later, WE will beat him.
It goes on to say that Michael Jordan in the story represents Pornography/Masturbation. When we attempt to fight it alone, we will ALWAYS lose. We need players on our team. What are players?
Books that deal with the subject (Healing the wounds of sexual addiction…False Intimacy…Don’t Call it Love..etc)
Filter on computer
Attending SA or another 12 step group
Therapy to deal with the subject
Burning ALL bridges that lead to porn. (CELL PHONES and iPods as well)
ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS that are NOT affraid to ask you..DID YOU LOOK AT PORN!
It’s through the connection of OTHERS that any real victory over this is possible. All the “players” on the team are important to beat the Michael Jordan of sin. Alone, we will ALWAYS lose to him.
God bless all.
There is a great Jesus based course that helps with pornography and masturbation addiction. It’s settingcaptivesfree.com. I did it last year and it helped a ton
@will – Yeah, that is a great course. I interviewed the founders, Mike and Jody Cleveland, not too long ago. You should listen to the podcasts (part 1 and part 2).
You people are sick.