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How Long Will It Take My Spouse to Heal from My Betrayal?

In this article I will use the terms wife or she for the betrayed spouse because that is the focus of my work. However, the information applies regardless of whether the betrayer was the husband or wife. Several years ago I had a client come see me about her second…

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How to Restore Your Self-Worth After Competing with Pixels

It happened again just last week. In a support group I facilitate for wives of sex addicts, a new client said, with shock resonating, “I just don’t get it. You all are such beautiful, intelligent, amazing women!” As a betrayal trauma recovery coach, I know this experience like the back…

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Fear of Vulnerability: An Intimacy Disorder or a Human Condition?

Last night as I watched one of my favorite TV shows I found myself doing something I know we all have done before. We’ve all yelled at the TV screen, saying something like, “Why don’t you just tell her?!” When a female character in my television show refused several marriage…

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My Husband Has PIED: What Do I Do?

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction Is Crushing Marriages In a recent survey sent to over 70,000 Covenant Eyes friends, we asked for their input about what types of questions they wanted answered related to porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). We were surprised at the number of responses we received from wives, many that…

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4 Ways to Cultivate Empathy with Your Spouse

Dear betrayed spouse, I hate to break this to you, but somewhere along the journey very well-meaning people will give you their well-meaning advice. Just be prepared. They will tell you not to pull away. They will tell you to stay emotionally available to the spouse that hurt you. They will even tell…

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5 Bad Habits That Kill Love in a Marriage

We live by habits–some good, but some bad! We have habitual behaviors, like driving the same path to work every day without even thinking about where we are going or turning next–we just do it. We also have habitual thought patterns, like the person who always thinks the negative, or…

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How Can I Prepare for My Husband’s Next Porn Relapse?

Once upon a time, I was blissfully happy. No, my life wasn’t perfect or easy. Instead, it was real–messy, but meaningful. I lived and worked passionately within the world of pornography addiction and betrayal trauma recovery, with a job I adored and the marriage I’d always wanted. And then, without…

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Are you a prisoner to unforgiveness?

As a society, we don’t encourage forgiveness very well, do we? Instead, the culture encourages resentment and paybacks by making the person suffer for the wrong they’ve done. Unforgiveness is almost celebrated. Our hurts come in many forms–words, actions, or even inactions. These wounds can be brought on by the actions…

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Have you ever been tempted to cheat?

Given my husband’s attraction to other women over the years, it was almost a given that someone would later ask me, “Have you ever cheated on your husband?” My answer: “No, I have never cheated on my husband, and for a long time I thought it was because I was…