I’ve been working at Covenant Eyes for almost 20 years, and during that time I’ve talked with thousands of people on their journey away from porn. There have been teens striving to use technology with integrity, young couples shocked to discover the impact of porn on their marriage, and older folks engaged in a lifelong battle.
No two struggles look exactly the same. Everyone’s path to recovery is a little different.
But two things hold true:
1) By God’s grace, anyone can overcome pornography.
2) On a practical level, success or failure usually comes down to what someone is willing to do to be free.
So, particularly if you’ve tried and failed to quit porn already, I want to ask you: what are you willing to do to get porn out of your life? But before you can answer that question, there are a few important things you need to understand.
Understand What Porn is Taking From You
No one overcomes pornography until they come to grips with the negative impact it has on your life. For some, this will be the recognition that porn hurts their mental health and well-being. For others, it’s seeing the negative impact on their family and relationships. For Christians, there’s often a recognition that pornography hurts them spiritually, and makes them feel far from God.
Whatever your experience, you need to understand the ways that pornography is hurting you, and that will sustain your commitment to quit in the process of recovery.
Understand What You’re Getting From Porn
This might seem like an odd question to ask, but you need to understand why you turn to porn. The answer is often more complex than it appears at first glance. There are many reasons people watch porn:
- Sexual Release
- Curiosity
- Boredom
- Peer Pressure
- Loneliness
These are just a few of the most common reasons people give. But for many, there’s a love-hate relationship with pornography that complicates this further.
Dig Deeper to Get to the Real Reasons
Often, porn consumption is related to deeper issues of the heart—past traumas, unmet needs, and other wounds that haven’t healed. Pornography becomes a deeply unhealthy form of self-medication. The lustful impulse may only be superficial.
When you understand why you turn to porn, you begin to understand where you need healing, and the path forward. We have a whole collection of Victory courses, from beginner to advanced, to help you with this.
Count the Cost of Quitting
“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him.” – Luke 14:28-29
Jesus could very well have been talking about porn recovery in these verses. Counting the cost means understanding both what porn takes from you and what you’re getting from it. However, you need to go beyond this to realize the total cost of quitting itself. And it is always costly.
Why is that? Because usually there is something very dear to us that stands in the way of our progress. Pornography couldn’t develop such a powerful hold on people if this were not the case.
I don’t know what the cost will be for you. It can look very different for different people. But as I’ve walked alongside many on the journey, here are a few of the biggest obstacles I’ve observed.
Asking for Help
Many of those struggling with pornography resist asking for help. And this refusal to ask for help is often the exact thing that keeps people on bondage. This resistance often comes from pride.
“Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
Before you can overcome porn, you must overcome the pride that keeps you from asking for help.
Reputation Fear
Often closely related to asking for help, most people who struggle with pornography struggle secretly. No one knows what they’re going through. Admitting to a problem with porn feels too shameful, too damaging to their reputation.
And yet, the desire to protect their reputation stands in the way of admitting the truth. Reputation fear becomes an insurmountable barrier to recovery.
Loss of Convenience
Overcoming pornography means constructing barriers to temptation. For many, simply installing an accountability app like Covenant Eyes is an easy way to overcome the temptation.
But it may also include blocking access to social media sites, removing smartphones from the bedroom, or even getting rid of certain devices altogether. And it often feel impossible to get by with these limitations.
That’s part of counting the cost. But here’s the thing.
I hear again and again from people who are willing to surrender reputation and convenience—what they gain is far more than what they lose. By giving up a false image of themselves, they are able to experience more authentic relationships than ever before. By surrendering certain technical conveniences, they gain a freedom to use technology without being used by it.
Take The Next Step
Once you count the cost, there’s one thing left to do: take the first step. And here’s the great thing: Even if you don’t feel ready to take drastic steps to quit porn, you can start simply by installing the free Victory app on your devices.
Victory includes commitments and challenges to help you track your progress, and a wealth of counselor-reviewed learning content to equip you for the journey.
What are you waiting for?
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