Defeat Lust & Pornography a dad carrying his son on his back outside
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What Should You Do if You’re a Dad Who Looks at Porn?

Last Updated: June 27, 2022

God arises. His enemies scatter, and those who hate Him flee from His presence. As smoke is blown away, so You blow them away. As wax melts before the fire, so the wicked are destroyed before God. But the righteous are glad; they rejoice before God and celebrate with joy. (Psalm 68:1-3)

Do you remember that scene from the movie The Patriot where the hero Benjamin Martin chases down the British after they murder one of his boys? He goes into a vengeful fury, slaughtering an entire troop of soldiers. At the end of the scene, he’s dripping with blood, standing over the bodies of his fallen enemies while his boys look on with a mixture of fear and awe.

If you’re a dad, I suspect there’s something about that scene that resonates—that fierce protectiveness of your family and the heroic instinct to fight anything that would hurt your children.

That’s because dads are supposed to be heroes.

In the movie, Martin is a heroic figure, but he knows that his fury against the violence and oppression of the enemy is stained by his own history of violence and oppression. He is not the righteous hero for his family but a fallen hero.

If you’re a dad who struggles with porn, you’re a lot like Benjamin Martin. You have this furious urge to go to war for your family. You want to protect them from the nastiness of porn—you want to smash it. But you feel the taint of your own sin. How can you be strong for your family when you feel so weak?

In his book, Weakness is the Way, J.I. Packer explains, “Often linked with the sense of weakness—sometimes as cause and sometimes as effect—is the feeling of failure.” If you feel too weak to fight porn, you may feel like a failure—the opposite of a hero. 

In Psalm 68, God appears like the ultimate superhero and wreaks havoc on the enemy. His enemies melt like wax and disappear like smoke. Powerful stuff. 

That’s who I want to be; I want that feeling of power—of overcoming the enemy. But I’ve failed to overcome temptation time and again. I’ve let lust infect my thoughts and actions.

I’m weak. I’m a fallen hero, just like you. Twelve-step addiction recovery programs have a saying: “My own best thinking got me here.” The point is, you’ve got to give up trying to be the hero. You’ve done that, and it didn’t work.

Psalm 68 shows us that there’s a better way than wallowing in our failure. Embrace your own weakness, and revel in God’s victory. Verse three says that the righteous rejoice before God and celebrate with joy.

As a dad, you’re not an invulnerable hero. God is the hero you can’t be. Celebrate that. Own your weakness and celebrate God’s strength. 

At Covenant Eyes, we believe the power of accountability can point you to God and help you overcome porn—even if you’ve struggled on your own. We’ve created the Fallen Heroes YouVersion devotional to encourage you on your journey!

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