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Defeat Lust & Pornography 3 minute read

Before You Tell Your Parents about Your Porn Struggle

Last Updated: July 11, 2018

So you’re ready to let the cat out of the bag and confess your struggle with pornography?

Here are a few approaches:

  • Political Strategy: “Ahhhh… I might have a problem with some things I’ve sort of seen accidentally on the computer and thought you would possibly want to be made aware.”
  • Surprise Attack: “Hey Mom & Dad! I just wanted you to know I’m a porn addict.”
  • Adam’s Approach: “The phone which you gave me, it showed me pornography, and so I watched.

On second thought, maybe you should just keep that tomcat in the sack.

No, you know you can’t do that. You can’t continue to pretend porn is just your little pet sin you play with from time to time. You’re past that. Indeed, that little feline has grown so big, it’s claws are sharp enough to shred your soul to pieces. And it has already begun to do so.

Related: To the Teen Alone and Ashamed Because of Your Porn Use

You need help, your parents need to know, and you need to tell them. But how?

In this post (and one which will follow) I will share three tips, but the first is the one you’re most likely to want to skip. I urge you not to do that, because this first tip is also the most critical to the success of your convo with the parental units. Here it is:

Before You Tell Your Parents about Your Porn Struggle

The Best Way to Prepare to Share Your Struggle

The best way to prepare to share your struggle is to pray. I realize you may have good reason to doubt the power of prayer. We often doubt prayer’s impact when it doesn’t bring to pass what we want or think we need. But that isn’t the purpose of prayer.

Instead, prayer is about bending our will to what God wants and knows we need. And if what God wants is a better plan than yours or mine, this should be very good news. Even if it leaves us disappointed–or worse–still struggling with a sin we can’t seem to shake.

Related: Why Can’t I Stop Watching Porn? 3 Reasons It’s So Hard to Quit

That said, it’s likely you’ve asked God to take away your desire for porn, maybe for months (or years), maybe even through tears, and it clearly hasn’t worked.

Or has it?

What if your petitions are the very things which have led you to realize your need for your parents’ help in finding the freedom you so desperately seek?

So keep praying. Only more earnestly. And more specifically.

Pray for Your Heart

For starters, ask God to prepare your heart for this conversation and what it will require of you, not the least of which is humility.

Fortunately, when it comes to humility you’re already halfway there! Be proud of that!

Just kidding, but seriously, admitting you have a problem requires a great deal of humility.

However, odds are your parents will wind up asking probing questions–or worse–leveling accusations. And when they do, you will be tempted to go on the defensive.

That’s pride right there, my friend, trying to protect “your reputation.” But trust me, you’ll just have to let that reputation go.

You need to care about something far more important than your reputation. You need to care about your character. Your reputation is what others believe you to be, but your character is who you really are. And the sad fact is this: you have been the kind of person who hides dark secrets from their loved ones. And now it’s eating you alive.

“For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.” –Ps. 32:3-4

Regardless of what your parents or anyone else thought, that’s who you’ve been. But you want to be someone different. And you were made to be someone different! That’s why you’re going to do the courageous thing (something many grownups won’ t even do) and bring your sin into the light!

Your reputation may take a hit, but your character is going to grow stronger. Far stronger. Indeed, I’m praying right now, as I type these words, that God’s Holy Spirit will help you see this and desire this more than a “good” reputation.

Pray for Your Parents

In addition to preparing your heart, you want to ask God for wisdom on how you should approach your parents.

After all, you may have an idea of what you need to say, but the LORD your God knows precisely what words will best communicate your regret, your fears, and your need. You may predict how your parents will react, but a God like ours possesses perfect knowledge so He doesn’t operate off of predictions. You may have suggestions for how they can help you, but God understands exactly what role He has equipped them to play in your freedom from porn.

So before you do anything else, pray, knowing God not only wants your freedom more than you do, He already paid for your freedom with His own blood.

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.” –1 John 5:14

In the next post, we continue with the other two tips to confessing to your parents.

In the meantime, share your concerns about telling your parents in the comment section below. Or if you already have broken the news to mom and dad and have advice or encouragement, share below as well!

  1. Hi, I’m Jaxon and I am a Mormon. I have been struggling with pornography for years and I have been wanting to tell my parents for 2 years. I can’t figure out how or when to do it and I feel so alone. No one talks to me and that helps me slip into watching it. I don’t know what to do.

    • Keith Rose

      Hi Jaxon, thanks for your comment. Here’s another post by the same author with advice on how to have this conversation with your parents: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2018/07/11/how-to-tell-your-parents-youre-struggling-with-porn/

      We’ve heard from hundreds of teens just like you and one thing that most of them have shared: talking to their parents was a MAJOR victory. You can do this! We’ll be praying for you.

      Blessings,

      Keith

  2. jordan hall

    I used too watch porn but i thankfully got away from it. The only problem is that im really scared to tell my parents, especially my bishop. I fell guilty about it every morning when my mom drops me off for school and says “Be the good” what should i do???

    • Moriah Bowman

      Hi Jordan!

      I am so happy to hear that you were able to turn away from porn! Although you have been able to stay away from porn, I do think that it would be wise to tell your parents or another adult whom you trust. They will be able to guide you and help you continue to avoid porn. You are not the only kid who struggles with this. Your parents may be surprised, but they love you and want to see you make wise choices. They were once kids themselves, so it is my hope that they would understand and respond to your confession with love. You’ve already made a wise choice by quitting porn!

      Please reach out here if you need any help. I am praying for you!
      Blessings,
      Moriah

  3. Lee

    I am was watching porn but i felt gulity but i need god bless me and the lord please pray for my parents so i can tell want i need to get this over with i need somebody can i trust can my cousins help me to fight porn addction in the past.

    • Moriah Bowman

      Hi Lee,

      Telling your parents is not easy, and I have actually talked to many kids your age who are in the same situation you are. So, please know that you are not alone! I am so happy to hear that you want to change and that you are turning to the Lord for healing. I will pray that God gives you the courage to tell you parents, and that they will shower their love on you in response and help you heal.

      Be strong! You are amazing!
      Moriah

  4. Kevin

    Hi my name is kevin and I had been struggling with porn ever since I was a little boy, i had just gone on my dad’s phone and would search up pictures or videos. At that time I wouldn’t masturbate because I hadn’t known what it was or how to do it at the time.Im currently 14 and I had already gotten baptized but havent confessed everything to my parents. And over the years I had started to masturbate at the age of 11 and it just stuck with me ever since and I just never told till this day because I just keep thinking they will treat me differently or judge me in any type of way. The thing that is just making not say anything right now is fear. I just need help please pray for me and my parents. MAY THE LORD GOD BLESS YOU❤

    • Moriah Bowman

      Kevin,

      We are praying for you! May God give you the courage to confess and your parents the grace to listen and guide you into recovery.
      Blessings!
      Moriah

    • Lee mark

      The same thing please pray for me and my parents too.

  5. Samuel Balogun

    Hello I am Sam, I am a young boy who is trying to overcome pornography. I have tried letting go a lot of time and it doesn’t work. I always feel disgusted when I finish watching porn and when people talk about it, but I always come back. I don’t know why. I have tried to tell my parents but I am scared they will punish me for 5hrs to 7hrs. I have gone through their punishments before and it was harsh. I am thinking I should tell someone else I trust about this like my teacher. But I don’t know if that is the right thing to do. I logged into this website so that I can get some answers

    • Moriah Bowman

      Hi Sam,

      Thank you for sharing a bit of your story and reaching out to our blog for help. If you feel like you are being harmed by your parents, because of your attempts to overcome porn, please reach out to another adult (a teacher, friend’s parent, or school counselor), and immediately let them know what is happening. I want you to be safe. You are not the only young boy in this world trying to overcome porn – there are SO many, just like you.

      If you are not sure who to talk to, or if you continue to be punished in a harmful way, please reach out again on this blog, and we will respond to you. It can be a hard thing for parents to find out that their child is watching porn, but it should never be something that they hurt you for.

      I am praying for you. Please let me know if you need anything at all.
      Blessings,
      Moriah

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