Statistics show that watching porn is extremely common—but does that make it normal? Three-quarters of men regularly consume pornography along with more than a third of women. So it is true that plenty of normal people watch porn.
(Check out Covenant Eyes Porn Stats)
The Danish thinker Soren Kierkegaard observed, “There is a view of life which holds that where the crowd is, the truth is also.” In other words, if everyone does it, it must be the right thing to do. Popular commentary on pornography tends to hold this view:
- “You shouldn’t be upset with your partner for watching porn, everyone does it.”
- “Don’t feel bad about watching porn. Porn doesn’t hurt anyone.”
- It’s a normal part of exploring your sexuality.
- “Porn is only a problem if it gets out of control.”
Kierkegaard went on to say, “There is another view of life; which holds that wherever the crowd is, there is untruth.” In the case of pornography, at least, Kierkegaard nailed it. Porn’s prevalence has led many to unquestioningly accept it as good, or at least morally neutral. But porn is normal only in the sense that it’s very common.
Neuroscientist Dr. Donald Hilton writes, “Pornography is a visual pheromone, a powerful, $100 billion per year brain drug that is changing human sexuality by ‘inhibiting orientation’ and ‘disrupting pre-mating communication between the sexes by permeating the atmosphere,’, especially through the internet.”1
Sound extreme? Let’s take a closer look.
Is It Normal to Watch Just a Little Porn?
Research into pornography has started using terms like “problematic porn use” to describe a porn habit that’s gotten out of hand. Almost everyone acknowledges that some people consume porn unhealthily. But they generally assume that a little bit here and there is OK.
For many people, a full-blown porn addiction started with just a little porn. But what about the people who can watch occasionally—is it something you can consume responsibly? Before jumping to conclusions, let’s explore this a little further.
Why Do People Watch Porn?
People obviously turn to pornography for sex; porn gives an easy outlet for sexual curiosity, exploration, or tension. Another common reason is boredom. But this only scratches the surface in many cases. Compulsive porn consumption often relates to emotional vulnerability, childhood trauma, or other struggles.
Furthermore, some use pornography as a means of gratifying extreme sexual fantasies that are otherwise unattainable. It could fuel a desire for dangerous, degrading, or even illegal sexual activities. We go into more detail in our article, Why Do People Watch Porn? 7 Reasons It’s Appealing. But this tells us, at least some of the time, that porn use has become an unhealthy coping mechanism rather than a normal expression of sexuality.
What’s Abnormal About Pornography?
If we claim porn isn’t normal, despite the fact that most people think it is, we need to establish exactly what about pornography is abnormal. In other words, beyond psychological issues that lead some people to cope by using porn, can we find unnatural or problematic characteristics in pornography itself? Yes, we can!
Porn hijacks your brain.
In the first place, when you watch pornography, it sets off a fireworks show of neurological chemicals in your brain. Now, the same chemicals make sex feel good. But pornography isn’t real sex, and so it affects your brain differently. How is that?
Neuroscientists have described pornography as a “supernormal stimulus.” This just means that the pleasure from porn doesn’t occur naturally—it’s a technologically engineered experience of sex. Since our brains weren’t designed for the intensity, variety, and endless accessibility of pornographic images, the chemical reward centers of the brain are quickly overloaded.
We go into a lot more detail in our post, Brain Chemicals and Porn: How Porn Affects the Brain.
Porn Presents a Warped View of Sex
A recent survey of teens found that 45% believed porn offers helpful information on sex.2 It is very common for teens to watch porn. But what exactly is that information that they’re getting?
For one, today’s mainstream pornography normalizes violent sex. One study analyzed content from two mainstream pornography sites. On one, nearly half of the videos portrayed violent sex. On the other, it was one-third. As a result of this content, men and women exposed to porn from an early age assume that sexual violence is normal.
Even apart from violence, pornography fuels unrealistic expectations, particularly regarding women. It’s impossible for a human being to compete with the unlimited variety—and airbrushed perfection—of pornographic content. As one commentator cynically observed, “Nowadays real naked women are just bad porn.”
Even in the best-case scenario, where the pornography does not degrade women, and where it portrays no violent or degrading behavior, pornography encourages consumers to view sex as an on-demand product.
Porn Often Leads to Addiction
One woman shared her story with us: “My husband of 23 years lost his job because of viewing porn at work. He was in a high-level position.” What would drive a man to throw away a successful career and a happy marriage for pornography? It sounds crazy, but at Covenant Eyes we hear stories like this every day.
See more in our post Why is Porn So Addictive?
Symptoms of Porn Addiction
We already noted the way pornography affects the brain. For many people, these effects result in addiction. Sex therapists Wendy and Larry Maltz give simple criteria for identifying pornography addiction:
- Do you persistently crave porn with intensity?
- Are you unable to control your urges to turn to porn?
- Have you faced negative consequences but continue to watch anyway?
If you can relate to these feelings about porn, you’re likely dealing with an addiction. Once you recognize the problem, you can move on to the next question. Check out, Am I Addicted to Porn?: 6 Symptoms of Porn Addiction for more details.
Porn Can Interfere With Real Relationships
Is it normal for your significant other to watch porn while in a relationship with you? Once again, we find that “common” does not equal “normal.” Experts have estimated that pornography contributes significantly to over half of all divorces. Porn can wreak havoc on marriage.
Whether or not you believe pornography is morally wrong, you should be aware of the problems it can contribute to your love life. To learn more, check out Porn in Marriage: Its Harmful Effects and How to Heal.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Porn
Whether you look at porn or your partner does, it might be a difficult conversation to have, especially if you know they’ll be upset about it. So how can you have a healthy conversation about porn?
Betrayal trauma Coach Laura advises spending time reflecting or journaling before having the conversation. You may want to use some of the information from this post to think through how your partner’s pornography use negatively affects your relationship.
She then offers these six keys to having a productive conversation:
- Don’t assume that your spouse won’t hear your concerns.
- Calmly and respectfully, share your feelings about it.
- Acknowledge their viewpoints.
- Ask questions.
- Based on the responses, continue to share your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and concerns.
- Strive to reach an agreement regarding what’s acceptable and what’s not.3
Doesn’t Porn Spice Up Your Sex Life?
Some therapists even recommend using pornography to spice up your sexual relationship. Is this a good idea? Researcher Dr. John Foubert writes:
“If anyone tells you that pornography is a great way to spice up your sex life, their assertion runs counter to hundreds of studies stating the opposite. In fact, with more pornography use, people have less satisfying intercourse and, in many ways, miss out on the chance to form a stronger emotional and physical bond with their spouse.”4
See related: Effects of Porn: What Watching Porn Does to You and Those Around You
How Porn Normalizes Sex Trafficking
We noted already that pornography presents a warped view of sex, including frequent depictions of violent and degrading sexual acts. This in turn shapes the way people understand their own sexuality and can even influence their sexual behaviors.
Recent investigations into mainstream pornography sites have found them complicit in the exploitation and abuse of minors.
Can You Quit Porn?
So, you’ve realized that your porn habit isn’t normal. What can you do to stop? I won’t lie, it’s not easy. But thankfully, there are tried and tested methods to break free from pornography. If you follow these steps, you can experience freedom and begin returning your life back to normal. To get started you can read How to Stop Watching Porn.
1 Donald Hilton Jr., “How Pornography & Drugs Changes Your Brain,” Salvo (2010), accessed August 23, 2021. https://salvomag.com/article/salvo13/slave-master
2 Michael Robb and Supreet Mann, 2022 Teens and Pornography, (Common Sense Media, 2022), page 6.
3 Coach Laura, “How to Talk to Your Husband About His Porn Use,” Covenant Eyes (2017), Accessed August 22, 2023. https://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/how-to-talk-to-your-husband-about-his-porn-use/
4 John Foubert, “Should Porn Be Used to Spice Up the Bedroom?” Covenant Eyes (2017), Accessed August 22, 2023. https://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/should-porn-be-used-to-spice-up-the-bedroom/
Recognizing these signs of porn addiction is crucial because porn addiction can interfere with one’s quality of life, personal relationships, and overall mental health. Seeking help from a mental health professional or support group can be an essential step in addressing and managing this addiction. Understanding the signs and seeking assistance is the first step toward recovery and healthier relationships with sexuality and pornography.
Do you want to know if your kids are watching porn? You can check your kids phones and any digital devices. All parents want to monitor their children. Because it’s simple, parents always want their children to be safe and secure.