For years, I battled with an addiction to pornography. I didn’t know it was an addiction because I just felt it was a perfectly normal thing for a guy to struggle with. I was exposed to my first pornographic experience when I was about 10 years old.
I was a Christian and tried to live a Christian life, but my porn addiction took a hold of my life. I tried many times to quit. I tried to lay porn down and vowed to never look at it again. It wasn’t long before I picked it up again and it became easier and easier to override the Holy Spirit.
It carried over into my adult life where I never came clean or was honest with anyone about my addiction, including my wife. It caught up with me as all sins do, and it almost cost me my marriage, church, and my children.
I found myself back in my childhood bedroom weeping because my wife and I were separated and I could only see my kids when she dropped them off so I could visit. My wife is a wonderful person! She was simply fed up with the life we were living because honestly, sin had taken over my life and Satan had blinders over my eyes.
There were times I prayed for death earnestly because I couldn’t stop porn. I felt like a fake and a failure as a Christian, husband, father, and friend! Then, one evening I came clean to my best friend on my porch about my lifelong addiction. Turns out he also had the same struggles.
God brought me down to a crawl so that he could open my eyes. With the help of a friend who understood, a wife that stood firm in love, a God who cares, and Covenant Eyes, I did the impossible! I found freedom from a lifelong addiction to pornography!
On the way back from a counseling session with my wife, God spoke to me about becoming a missionary.
I immediately called the missionary that we support at our church, got a passport, and the week that I got my passport back in the mail, the missionary called out of the blue and asked me to go to Hungary on a mission trip to aid the Ukrainians. Two days later, I called him back after speaking to my wife about it and accepted the invitation.
God has changed my mind and heart! He has opened doors and put a greater anointing on my life than I ever had before. He has turned my life upside down. My marriage is stronger than it ever was before, and now we are doing ministry together! Victory over porn is possible! I never thought it was, but I was wrong! Accountability is key! Don’t be ashamed and secret about your addiction any longer, and let God (through Covenant Eyes) change your life!
