Defeat Lust & Pornography guy friends camping
Defeat Lust & Pornography 5 minute read

Accountability Is for the Weak

Last Updated: December 11, 2019

Accountability is for the weak.

What does this phrase stir up in you? Do you agree or disagree? Are you weak or are you strong?

Most of us, especially us guys, like to think of ourselves as tough, strong, and self-reliant. If I’m in trouble, I’ll get myself out of it. If I’m lost, I’m not asking for directions. If there’s a car on top of my chest, I’ll gather my gusto and push that sucker off, thank you very much. I’ll help you, but I’m certainly not in need of your help. This then bleeds in whenever we hear the topic of accountability broached by a pastor or in a sexual purity conversation. I don’t have a problem, and even if I did, I’d be able to figure it out myself.

I often challenge self-assured Christians—those who think they are strong—to compare themselves to the apostle Paul. Outside of Jesus, Paul is at or near the top of the list of strong Christians in the Bible.  Of the 27 New Testament books of the Bible, 13 are traditionally ascribed to Paul’s authorship, and he almost single-handedly started the Christian Church movement as a missionary. How does your resumé stack up against that? But here’s what Paul had to say about himself:

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.” – 1 Timothy 1:15

Huh? How is the #1 strong guy also the #1 sinner? If that’s true, what does that make me and you? If that’s not enough, here’s what Paul has to say about weakness:

“But (the Lord) said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses…For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Huh (again)? We are taught that weakness is something we need to eradicate. Don’t let ‘em see you sweat. You are in control. You are the man. Yet here Paul is broadcasting his weakness for all the see, even celebrating it. What gives?

Shame Cannot Win

The fact is, we are all weak; many of us just don’t want to talk about it. We don’t want to show our cards, choosing instead to play the bluff, like we’ve got it all together at all times. When we opt for this hiding, shame wins the day. Guilt is what you feel when you do something bad; shame is what you feel when you believe you are bad.

If I’m never willing to reveal my weakness to others, it’s because I don’t want them to see me as “bad” or as not measuring up. If they did, in my mind it feels like that would have disastrous consequences. So instead I have to hide, bluffing my hand.  As a result, my weakness never actually gets dealt with.

What Paul understood about weakness, or I should say what Jesus understood and proclaimed to Paul in verse 9 above, is that Jesus’ power can only be experienced where weakness is on display. Why would a strong person need grace? They don’t. Someone who isn’t dying doesn’t need anyone to save them.

What’s ironic is that admitting weakness is the first step to becoming a Christian, yet that truth becomes a distant memory when it comes to our plans for spiritual growth. The classic verse that has pointed many people to salvation in Jesus is Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (emphasis added). We understand that we’ve fallen short and need a Savior, Jesus, to make up the difference. We say yes to his offer for salvation by grace.

But in 2 Corinthians 12:9, Jesus is telling Paul that he still needs this same grace! Paul, the all-star apostle, one of the strongest Christians ever, is still bumbling, blind, and weak. Jesus explains to Paul that rather than feel shame over his weakness, he can let the truth of the gospel wash over it with all of its sufficiency.

Rather than believe shame’s lie that we don’t measure up because of our shortcomings, we can believe grace’s truth that Jesus measured up for us and that in him, we are wholly loved and made perfect in the Father’s sight (Col. 1:22). We can believe that our Father can’t love us any more or less than He already does!

No Further Reason to Hide

When we live in this type of grace, there’s no longer any reason to hide. In a place of grace, everyone who is there has admitted they are weak and need the strength of Jesus. Why would someone confessing weakness shock anyone else at that table, when they’ve all experienced the same thing? Vulnerability is the antidote to shame, and what safer place is there to be vulnerable than a room full of weak people saved by grace?

When we deny our weakness, we deny our need for grace.

Once we’ve acknowledged our daily need for grace—grace to make us whole, grace to feed off of—we can then really begin to grow. James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” We can follow a clear progression here:

  1. Admit you’re a sinner. You can follow Paul’s lead and even say you are the worst!
  2. Display your weakness. We’ve all got it, and admitting it is the only way to be nourished by grace.
  3. Tell others about your sin and weakness! (James 5:16)

Step 3 is what we typically call “accountability.” Yes, it is for the weak! Which really is another way of saying it is for everyone! It is for you.

3 Factors of Healthy Accountability

Accountability is not a magic bullet that will make all your sins stop. Nor is it meant to become simply a battle in behavior modification. Healthy accountability has 3 essential factors:

1. Be Gospel-Centered

The solution to your sin problem is not your accountability partner (ally), it’s Jesus. Your ally helps guide you toward what you’ve been looking for all along. I’m not talking about a one-time stop at the Jesus well when you got saved. I’m talking about the love of Jesus and the acceptance and affirmation we get from him being what each of us are actually hungry for every time we are tempted to sin.

2. Go Beyond Symptoms

Healthy accountability doesn’t just say, “Stop doing that.” It points others toward the Source of all Life, the true Cure to what ails us. All too often, sexual purity accountability is a list of the bad things we did that week, with our ally at a loss for words beyond, “Well, don’t do that this coming week,” or possibly some advice on ways to physically restrain that behavior.

Some of those methods are helpful, but on their own, it leaves an accountability relationship feeling very dependent on human strength. Both the strength of the person struggling to do better and try harder and the strength of the ally to come up with the magic solution to make their friend stop sinning. Both will leave you exhausted.

3. Be a Place Where Grace Rules Over Shame

Healthy accountability has to be a place where anything and everything can be shared, without the listeners responding with shock or awe. All cards are on the table. If a person feels like they can’t share everything, they won’t, and they’ll be right back where they started, allowing shame to rule in portions of their life in ways where healing becomes impossible.

If you are a sinner saved by grace, as Paul was, as I am, then accountability is for you! Praise God he’s given us this fantastic way to be sharpened and to find healing from the sins that otherwise steal, kill, and destroy our lives.

  1. Frank Schönbach

    What a great and clear application of the Gospel and our powerful Saviour. Thanks a lot!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related in Defeat Lust & Pornography

Editor's Picks

Woman habitually looking at her phone.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Porn Habit vs. Porn Addiction: Is There a Difference?

What’s the difference between being addicted to porn and merely having a…

6 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A teenage girl using a computer.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Is Something Wrong With Me?: A Woman’s Struggle With Porn

Sin has taken the form of nude images, explicit magazines, TV shows,…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Woman reading the Bible with her cup of coffee.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

How to Overcome Porn Addiction According to the Bible

The Bible clearly tells us what we should and shouldn’t do. It…

5 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A young woman singing with a microphone in church.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

I Was the “Perfect” Christian Girl and Addicted to Porn

I was introduced to pornography toward the end of elementary school. As…

3 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A teenage girl alone at night with her phone.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

I Thought I Was the Only Girl to Ever Struggle With This

The struggles I have had with pornography have been long and hard.…

3 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A teenage girl alone at night on her phone.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

I Clicked on a Link

Living with integrity in this world is quite difficult because our culture…

3 minute read

Read Post

Related in Defeat Lust & Pornography

Woman habitually looking at her phone.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Porn Habit vs. Porn Addiction: Is There a Difference?

What’s the difference between being addicted to porn and merely having a…

What’s the difference between being addicted to porn and merely having a porn habit? Habits are behaviors that have become automatic over time. Addiction involves a deeper change in your neurochemistry. Habits might be changed…

6 minute read

0 comments

A teenage girl using a computer.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

Is Something Wrong With Me?: A Woman’s Struggle With Porn

Sin has taken the form of nude images, explicit magazines, TV shows,…

Sin has taken the form of nude images, explicit magazines, TV shows, R-rated movies, sexual assault, and little minds being exposed to perversion at a young age. Whether the calendar reads 1932 or 2024, both…

4 minute read

0 comments

Woman reading the Bible with her cup of coffee.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

How to Overcome Porn Addiction According to the Bible

The Bible clearly tells us what we should and shouldn’t do. It…

The Bible clearly tells us what we should and shouldn’t do. It tells us that watching pornography is a sin and something Christians should strive to avoid.  But what if you are addicted to pornography? Suppose…

5 minute read

0 comments

A young woman singing with a microphone in church.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

I Was the “Perfect” Christian Girl and Addicted to Porn

I was introduced to pornography toward the end of elementary school. As…

I was introduced to pornography toward the end of elementary school. As a young Christian girl who had never imagined, seen or heard about such things, this exposure planted a seed in my mind that…

3 minute read

0 comments

A teenage girl alone at night with her phone.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

I Thought I Was the Only Girl to Ever Struggle With This

The struggles I have had with pornography have been long and hard.…

The struggles I have had with pornography have been long and hard. It is a road that I have traveled since I was a young girl and something that has filled my life with so…

3 minute read

0 comments

A teenage girl alone at night on her phone.

Defeat Lust & Pornography

I Clicked on a Link

Living with integrity in this world is quite difficult because our culture…

Living with integrity in this world is quite difficult because our culture is so against it, but as a Christian God has called me to be different, and striving for integrity plays a key role…

3 minute read

0 comments